#I'm very nervous about being perceived but I think a community would be nice and kinda fun~

[zolo-san]

If anyone is interested I created a ZoSan community and it just got approved yesterday 😊 If you want to join, you can find the Community here

[petrichoraline]

🦊 because you're witty and brutally honest and i'm intimidated by witty and sincere people

I GOT A FOX! I got a foxxx 😭💞

putting this here in case someone else wants to surprise me

listen, this message took me on a bit of a ride cause I was excited to see my theory proven right (that some of the asks I receive on anon are by people who find me intimidating) so thank you for the confirmation!

but now: "witty and brutally honest"

is that about me?? I'm flattered and perplexed at the same time hahah because "witty" is one of my favourite qualities a person could have.. i won't deny i could be perceived as such, I trust you, it is really nice and surprising to see it directed at me like this, thank you 💓

as for "brutally honest".. one thing that i decided on when i started communicating with people on here more was that i would try to be as nice and sincere as possible. some of the people I like chatting with and i see as intimidating have a relatively blunt way of speaking. i find them very cool because they seem like the type to not care much about how they're perceived whereas i come off as a bit of a try hard. some people have a naturally warm way of expressing themselves, i work on it - I think which emojis would be suitable, stop using caps if it starts feeling like the text is becoming too invasive (???), overall i pay attention to how my words come across and i sometimes worry i come off as insincere because of it. so it really is a surprise being perceived like this :) is it in relation to the way I talk about media? i do yap a lot and i get quite direct in tags 😂 so maybe. or maybe how I answer more personal asks? in those cases i put effort into getting my points across without sounding harsh. all that's besides the point I want to make which is

please feel more comfortable with me pleaseeee

i like being seen as intimidating maybe because the people i admire are intimidating. but that is in direct juxtaposition with my goal and the efforts i've been putting towards it - i want to be approachable, for people to feel at ease talking to me and asking me questions and for us to discuss things openly because THEMES! TROPES! BAD WARDROBE DECISIONS!!!

shows are so exciting to talk about, i learn so much from these conversations and sometimes theyre just plain silly fun! and even aside from fandom stuff, i'd like to be someone people find comforting. which is why it's important i also remain sincere - someone who only ever says what the other wants to hear will soon lose all credibility, why ask someone their opinion if you know they're just gonna repeat your own back at you regardless? and also it's my blog. so. i deserve to be a bit of a bitch from time to time😄

i understand where you're coming from, I feel this way about a lot of bloggers on here and i am sure they are a lot less scary than i perceive them as haha so I can't make you suddenly find me not intimidating but i do hope you know that logically speaking (because i am being a tad bit hypocritical, my nervous overthinking self knows things and then feels feelings despite that) there's nothing to be intimidated by - this whole thing is all about having fun and learning alongside other people. whether you perceive them as smarter, more insightful or competent in their field of interest, they are all here for the same thing! and would love sharing their interest and passion with you. yes, some ppl are less sociable than others but usually you could tell if that's the case. as for me, i am directly telling you i am already going "awww" at you and your message. it takes some courage to admit that and if you're like me, you were nervous sending it but i appreciate that you did very much <3 and i can only hope you come to see me as someone warmer and easier to talk to in the future 💕💗💓💞💝

[writer-ish]

The 3rd Annual Bloom Edenbrook Fundraising Gala

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Dr. Brooke Spiers) Word Count: 2.9k Rating: Mostly T (innuendo, language, smooches)

Premise: Dr. Brooke Spiers and Dr. Ethan Ramsey get coerced into answering anonymous questions submitted by generous donors at this year's hospital fundraising gala. They have about as much fun with it as you'd expect.

This idea is all thanks to THIS ASK from the lovely @lem-20. The concept and all questions are hers! Thank you, darling Leah! ♥️

Author’s Note: My first time with a mixed-media type post(!!!) and the writing part has been done almost script-style, similar to the "Not Yet Wed" questions courtesy of @jamespotterthefirst, which you can find HERE. Hope you all enjoy. 🥰

Tickets

Bonus Raffle

SETTING - Diagnostics Office - 5:15 PM

TWO DOCTORS in formal attire sit across from one another. The male, DR. ETHAN RAMSEY, late-30s, devastatingly handsome, leans against a desk, arms crossed. The female, DR. BROOKE SPIERS, late-20s, charmingly attractive, sits on a larger table further away, legs swinging.

Ethan: I can't believe you talked me into this.

Brooke: [smirking] Why does this feel like deja vu?

Ethan: You know exactly why. You coerced me into the same sort of nonsense in your intern year for that magazine—whatever it was.

Brooke: Yeah, and remember how much publicity the hospital got that year? You're welcome.

Ethan: How can you be sure our "publicity" had to do with that article and not the fact that a first-year intern stole from a large pharamceutical company to administer an unapproved drug to—

Brooke: [hands up] Okay, okay, we get it. Regardless, you have to admit I was responsible for all the publicity. [grins]

Ethan: [can't help but grin back] Touche. [sighs deeply] Let's go home.

Brooke: Can't, babe. We're the main event.

Ethan: How did this even come about? Is there not some code of ethics against this sort of thing?

Brooke: [laughs] It's just staff and donors. All adults. We're showing that we're good sports and it's for a good cause.

Ethan: [grumbles] I don't know why people care so much about us.

Brooke: You don't? I mean, have you seen us?

Ethan: [dryly] And so humble, too.

Brooke: Lord knows you aren't with me for my humility.

Ethan: Indeed. [picks up a glass from the desk at his side, swirling the amber liquid] Well, I hope you're prepared.

Brooke: [amused] Prepared?

Ethan: You're used to me being reticent in situations like this and holding back? [downs the liquid in one shot] Not today.

Brooke: [wary] What does that mean?

DR. RAMSEY stands up, crossing the room towards DR. SPIERS until the latter is forced to open her legs to accommodate his presence. He braces a hand on either side of her, leaning forward until their lips are almost touching. Her face flushes. He notices, and a slow, lazy smile spreads.

Ethan: It means [kisses her slightly open mouth softly] I'm answering all their questions.

Brooke: [giggles nervously] All of them? But what if—

Ethan: [punctuating each word with a kiss] All. Of. Them.

He leans forward and captures her mouth in a deep, searing kiss. Her arms twine around his neck and she lets out a soft moan. Drawing her ankles around his legs she pulls him even closer and he places one hand on the desk as the other glides up her back. They stay like that, interlocked for a moment, before he pulls away.

Brooke: [eyes still closed] Hmph.

Ethan: Let's go get this over with.

Brooke: [slowly opens eyes and peers at him, disgruntled] What kinds of questions do you think people are submitting?

Ethan: Like you said, Dr. Spiers... [a slow smile spreads] Have you seen us?

DR. SPIERS laughs as she follows DR. RAMSEY out.

A.N. PLEASE do not look too closely at this very badly photoshopped pic 😂

SETTING - Bloom Edenbrook Hospital, Main Atrium - 6:25 PM

Our two doctors sit beside each other on a makeshift stage. A semi-recognizable third-year resident is the host for the evening. DR. RAMSEY dusts an imaginary piece of lint off his sleeve. DR. SPIERS has her hands in lap, knee shaking slightly. Noticing, Dr. Ramsey reaches over and rests his hand on her leg. She looks over with a small smile and places her hand over his.

Thank you to our very own Chief of Medicine, Dr. Ethan Ramsey, and his partner, head of the Diagnostics Team, Dr. Brooke Spiers, for being here with us today for a good cause. Dr. Ramsey and Dr. Spiers, are you prepared to answer some questions provided by our generous, anonymous donors?

Brooke: Sure, why not.

Ethan: [through gritted teeth] For a good cause.

Alright, excellent. I will be drawing these questions at random. Thank you to all who donated for the opportunity to submit a question.

Dr. Ramsey and Dr. Spiers, you will both be posed a question. If you choose to answer, you must both answer. If you choose not to, you must match the donation made by the donor, in lieu of a verbal response. Are you ready to begin?

Ethan: Mmm.

Brooke: [nervous laugh] I suppose.

Alright, here we go!

First question: If he/she could take one thing to a desert island what would it be?

Brooke: Me.

[Audience whoops and laughs]

Ethan: [can't hide his smirk, before clearing his throat] Brooke would take her phone. Heaven forbid she can't post about something on Pictagram.

Brooke: It's true. I'm sorry for being such a young millennial needy for external validation.

What are your nicknames for each other?

Brooke and Ethan: [look at each other. Brooke laughs.]

Ethan: Just say it.

Brooke: I mean, it's nothing too embarassing. I call him babe usually, or baby sometimes if I'm feeling extra nice. He calls me—[blushes and looks over at Ethan]

Ethan: [sighs] 'My love'. I call her 'my love'.

[Audience "awwww"s]

Who’s the better cook?

Brooke: Oh, Ethan. A hundred percent.

Ethan: It's true.

Brooke: I'm abysmal.

Ethan: Normally I would demur when it comes to Dr. Spiers' perceived faults, but in this case she's correct.

Brooke: Thanks, babe.

Ethan: You have many wonderful qualities that don't involve ovens, my love.

[A squeal from the audience that sounds suspiciously like Sienna]

Who has the last word in an argument?

[simultaneously] Brooke: Ethan Ethan: Brooke

[They look at each other]

Brooke: [laughs incredulously] Seriously?

Ethan: You think I don't hear you muttering to yourself after you walk away, almost every single time?

Brooke: Oh, so cursing your name and your very existence counts as the last word and not you shouting [affects deep voice] "And that's final!"? Duly noted.

Ethan: I don't sound like that or say that.

Brooke: Mm, sure.

Who is best at keeping secrets?

Brooke: Uh, neither of us?

Ethan: I had a secret once and it was hell keeping it.

Brooke: You've had a couple.

Ethan: True. I'm done with secrets.

Brooke: In lighter news, we kept [gestures between the two of them] this thing a secret for a bit. No?

Ethan: [opens his mouth to agree, when he's interrupted by a shout from the audience—]

Audience member that sounds suspiciously like Elijah: Nope! We all knew!

[Audience loudly murmurs in agreement]

Brooke: Never mind, then.

Who wears the trousers in the relationship?

Ethan: Neither of us subscribes to antiquated beliefs of superiority in a relationship. We're partners and teammates and work together accordingly. Sometimes she helps and guides me and sometimes I do the same for her. There is no one person who holds higher ground over the other and to imply otherwise would be foolish.

Brooke: [literal heart eyes at Ethan] What he said. [stage whisper] Except it's me.

[Audience laughs as Ethan rolls his eyes]

What is his/her worst habit?

Brooke: Workaholic, poor communication skills, yells first and asks questions later… I could go on.

Ethan: Charming. I have two words for you: messy packrat.

Brooke: Excuse me?

Ethan: If I had a nickel for every useless piece of garbage you kept "just in case" or for each article of clothing on the floor of my bedr—[clears throat] Just trust me.

Brooke: [smirks and whispers against Ethan's ear so only he can hear] Sorry, who is responsible for my clothes on the floor…?

Ethan: [says nothing but smirks as well]

[Audience murmurs in scandal]

What three words would you use to describe them?

Brooke: Hmm. Let me think.

Ethan: Passionate, caring, intelligent.

Brooke: [looks at him fondly] You came up with those fast.

Ethan: [matter-of-factly] I could give them ten more easily.

[Audience "awww"s]

Brooke: [to the audience] No, no, no don't be fooled, he doesn't mean only the flattering words, trust me.

Ethan: I believe it's your turn.

Brooke: Dedicated, compassionate, brilliant.

Ethan: [smiles softly at Brooke, who avoids his gaze. He reaches over and squeezes her hand.]

Brooke: [mutters] Yeah, yeah.

What celebrity do you/they think they most look like?

[Both Ethan and Brooke look at the announcer quizzically.]

Brooke: Celebrity? Uhh…

Ethan: I don't even know how I would begin to answer this question.

Brooke: Ryan Reynolds?

[Audience laughs and loudly disagrees]

Ethan: Who?

Brooke: [laughs and shakes her head] I don't know! I just named a random hot guy. You name a redhead actress. Jessica Chastain?

Ethan: [confused] Do you mean Jessica Rabbit?

Brooke: No I don't mean— [looks at him incredulously] Are you saying you think I look like Jessica Rabbit?

Ethan: No, I thought that's what you were saying and I was about to tell you how incorrect you were. Er, that is to say—

Brooke: I feel like you're digging yourself into a hole here.

Ethan: Agreed.

Who is the most vain?

Ethan: Both of us have more pressing concerns than our physical appearance.

Brooke: Ethan.

Ethan: [splutters]

Brooke: If you're going based off who spends more time on their hair in the bathroom? Ethan.

Ethan: [crosses his arms and glowers, but doesn't disagree]

What is his/her guilty pleasure?

Brooke: Ethan's is cooking shows, particularly Nigella.

Ethan: It's true. Brooke's is high calorie indulgences like—what's the freezer cake you made me buy the other day? With no identifiable or even passably edible ingredients?

Brooke: Ooh, Deep 'n Delicious. So good.

Ethan: [rolls eyes] Yes, because we all need our daily dose of hydrogenated oils and preservatives.

If they had a free pass, which celebrity would they choose to sleep with?

[Look at each other blankly]

Brooke: Uhh… Nigella?

Ethan: This Ryan Reynolds fellow?

Brooke: [laughs] I don't even like him!

Ethan: So who, then?

Brooke: [crosses her arms] I notice you didn't deny Nigella.

Ethan: This question is stupid. Next question.

Where and when did you go on your first date?

Brooke: Derry Roasters

Ethan: What? No. I took you to Sorellina—

Brooke: What, three years after we first met? No. Our first date was Derry Roasters when you caught me following you that time.

Ethan: Ah, so she finally admits it. I thought at the time I was… what was it, "paranoid"?

Brooke: [laughs only a touch guiltily] Did I say that?

Ethan: So you're treating the first time you trailed after me to the local coffee shop as our first date?

Brooke: Well, you paid.

Ethan: Yeah, after you "forgot" your wallet.

Brooke: What, you thought I pursued you for your good looks? No, sir. I like a man with deep pockets. Plus, you know how I know it was a first date?

Ethan: Please, enlighten me.

Brooke: You ordered for me and I didn't get annoyed and it was horrible, but I still drank the whole thing.

Ethan: The espresso Romano is not horr—

Brooke: Horrible. Coffee and lemon? [shudders] That's how I knew I was into you.

Ethan: [intrigued] Really? Way back then?

Brooke: [nods, blushing slightly, and rolls her eyes] Oh brother, don't act so shocked. You knew.

[Audience laughs and whoops]

Ethan: [shell-shocked face showing he absolutely did not know]

Where was your first kiss?

Brooke: [sheepishly] Miami.

[Audience murmurs in surprise]

Ethan: [sighs] Yes.

Brooke: Is that—are Harper and Naveen exchanging money?

Naveen: [from the audience] Dr. Emery should know better than to question my instincts!

Ethan: [loudly groans] Next question.

Who is the loudest in bed?

Brooke: [yelps and, remembering Ethan's earlier warning, throws her hand over his mouth]

Ethan: [from behind her hand] You probably could have made the answer less obvious.

Brooke: [blushes and groans]

[Audience roars its approval]

Which of your friends do you think he/she is most likely to have a crush on?

Brooke: Ohhh, this is awkward.

Ethan: My friends?

Brooke: Considering we can list your friends on one hand…and some of them intersect with mine. [bites lip] What do we do with this one?

Ethan: [to the host] What did the donor pay?

Sorry?

Ethan: To submit this question. How much?

Oh, uhh—[checks] $200.

Ethan: I'll write you a cheque for $200. Next question.

Brooke: [shakes her head laughing] All the questions, huh?

Ethan: At my discretion, yes.

Bryce: [from the audience] You know the answer was me for both of you, anyway!

Ethan: [scoffs] Fat chance, Lahela.

Brooke: [pointedly silent, staring straight ahead]

Ohh-kay. Next question. Who had feelings first?

Brooke: Ha, me. For sure.

Ethan: Are you sure?

Brooke: [looks at him incredulously] I just told you I liked you even after you bought me lemon coffee at Derry Roasters three years ago. [sits up to look at him more fully] No chance you liked me earlier than that. I mean, like-liked me.

Ethan: "Like-liked you"? Are we twelve?

Brooke: You know what I mean. You were such a grouch and I was just your annoying intern.

Ethan: [irritatedly] The annoying intern I kissed in Miami, what, a week later? Is that how obvious my lack of feelings for you were?

Brooke: [opens her mouth to respond and then closes it again]

Ethan: That's what I thought.

Who’s more dramatic?

Brooke: Ethan.

Ethan: I am absolutely not—

Brooke: See? Honestly, he's exhausting.

Ethan: [glowers]

Who has the weirdest orgasm face?

Brooke: Weirdest?

Ethan: Oh for the love of—

$5000 to not answer this one, doctors.

Brooke and Ethan: [jaws drop simultaneously]

Brooke: Someone paid five-thousand dollars—

Ethan: What kind of a pervert—? Fine, say it's me.

Brooke: It's really not.

Ethan: [quietly] Well, it's certainly not you.

Brooke: Yeah, but—

I believe we have our answer!

Ethan: We'll take it. Next!

What are you most likely to argue about?

Ethan: Brooke believes I could be more communicative about my feelings, especially when I have a problem.

Brooke: You do listen!

Ethan: Of course. We also argue about when she's going to move in with me.

[Audience gasps and murmurs in gleeful scandal]

Brooke: [jaw drops] Ethan!

Ethan: It's true. [turns to host] I believe it should have already happened. She believes she needs to maintain a tenuous hold on a bedroom she rarely occupies for a group of roommates who would be happy for her to move on.

Brooke: [fuming] Of all the high-handed—

Jackie, from the audience: He's right, girl, bigger and better awaits.

Brooke: [through gritted teeth, as Sienna, Ethan, and Aurora all nod and give her thumbs up] Maybe this is something we can talk about later—

Ethan: Whatever you say, my love.

Brooke: Oh, yeah, now with the "my love"s—

On that note! Here is our final question.

What’s the most romantic thing they’ve done for you?

Ethan: [looks at Brooke, who is still glowering] Most romantic?

Brooke: [glares]

Ethan: With Brooke, it's the little things. She'll notice when I'm having a bad day and bring me my favourite donut. Or a well-timed hand on my shoulder or knee when she can see I'm getting riled up.

Brooke: [glare softens a bit]

Ethan: She's thoughtful and kind and extremely empathetic. She knows what I need even before I know that I need it. It's not—candlelit dinners or what have you, but I've already prided myself on being a practical person and this intersection of—of practicality and care? That's what I find… [struggles to get the word out] romantic.

[Audience "awww"s]

Brooke: [screws up her mouth before leaning over to kiss Ethan on the cheek] Okay, that was sweet. [Thoughtfully] Most romantic thing Ethan has done for me? Well… [side-eyes him, before continuing] The HAZMAT suit sleepover last year was probably up there.

Ethan: [uncomfortable] I don't want that to be classified as—

Brooke: You were there for me at a time when I needed you most. If that's not romance, I don't know what is.

Ethan: [increasingly agitated] That's not romance, dammit, that's—that was a necessity. That was vital. I needed to be there. I needed to make sure you—that you—[cuts himself off, clenching his jaw]

Brooke: [eyes soft as she looks at him. Reaching out she rests her hand on top of his clenched fist until it unfurls slowly underneath hers and he releases his breath slowly] See? [softly] Romance.

Ethan: [sighs deeply, then links his fingers with hers and gruffly kisses the top of her hand] All this tells me is that I've neglected you on the "romance" side of things.

Brooke: [still smiling softly] No complaints. [looks out at the audience] Are we done here? [affects a deep voice] Are you not entertained?

Ethan: [fondly] And she says I'm the dramatic one.

I think we got what we needed, doctors. Thank you for helping out for a good cause. This raffle ticket session alone raised a total of $23,000 for Bloom Edenbook Hospital!

Ethan: [dumbfounded] That is insane.

Brooke: I promise we aren't that interesting.

The people beg to differ. Round of applause for Dr. Brooke Spiers and Dr. Ethan Ramsey for being such good sports. Until next time, doctors!

Ethan: [over thunderous applause] There absolutely won't be a next time.

Brooke: [laughs and stands up, smoothing out her dress]

Audience member that sounds suspiciously like Jackie: Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Rest of the audience chimes in: Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Brooke: [crosses her arms, smirking at Ethan]

Ethan: Oh for the love of— [acts like he's walking away, then loops an arm around her waist and pulls her close, tilting her back and kissing her thoroughly]

[Audience roars its approval]

Ethan: [pulls away slowly and sets her upright, chucking her chin with an affectionate and slightly devilish smirk. He starts to guide her away from the host and off the makeshift stage]

Brooke: [mutters, still a bit dazedly] Told you. Drama.

[Laughing, they walk off stage together.]

[ravenadottir]

yay! i'm so happy you're back. I have a bunch of topics I thought of with the s2 characters while you were away I'd love to hear your thoughts on... their #1 love languages, how do you think they decided to sign up for the show, and how they spent the money (if they shared/split)

hi anon, i am too! i missed here a lot. i'm glad you're giving me something to think about, 'cause i've been brain dead for the last few days :/

alright, i think i'm gonna have to split this ask so it's not so long. here are their primary love languages:

~ words of affirmation ~

henrik. he loves encouragement and to hear how much you love and care. hearing it out loud is enough for him, every day after he comes back from work. you're both probably too tired, but the one thing that lifts his spirits is to hear how much you missed him. he also thinks about those when he's out there, on instruction mode. when he sees a beautiful landscape, and you're not there, he remembers what you said and smiles. it's what helped him persevere and finish the trail, or climb.

kassam. he's a very reassured guy, still, his frantic life requires the one thing he can remember when he needs. words will stay with him longer than the feeling of your touch, or the breakfast you shared one morning. those words are what he carries with him at all times, especially when he feels nervous before a big gig, or when he's about to sign with someone.

lottie. it's part of the reason why it would never work between her and gary. or covidiot. lottie is insecure and perceives words as honesty, as not only a way of communicating but also showing. and her favorite is to hear it, from your mouth, live. of course a text or a note works, but there's a reason why she's so candid, and takes pride on it, about everything.

carl. definitely needs reassurance given to him in word form. he's the type of person that goes insanely deep into his work and his own issues, spiraling into anxiety. words help pulling him back to the surface and take a long and needed breath. carl was also the boy who got bullied for his interests, and supportive words make him forget about the hardship he faced when he was younger. hearing them from a loved one gives him the certainty he's not alone, and even more, that he has someone to count on.

~ quality time ~

noah. reading a book while enjoying the sounds of nothingness, like the quiet of the house, the wind outside, or just the crackling of the fire if it's up. not much has to be said for noah to feel blessed when he has that time of the day with you. being around each other might come from the fact that his parents weren't there for most of the time.

lucas. mainly because of how his parents were always traveling and never spent that much time with him. of course the second is acts of service, but nothing beats spending time with you, whatever that might be. a movie on a quiet thursday, going out to dance, dinner or having a romantic evening in a beautiful hotel room somewhere. he needs your presence and the certainty that you'll be with him at all times.

marisol. her favorite moment is to spend it with you having a stimulating conversation. whatever you two are discussing is due to the moment, but not only quality time represents a moment of calm (i assume she was always on the run about studying, reading) she can have a moment of peace. of course other activities fit in, but talking while spending time together, getting your opinion and insights are for sure her prefered way of staying together.

~ physical touch ~

gary. nothing says "intimacy" like touching to him. especially if it's a tender cuddle or one of those "hugging you from behind to rest his chin on your shoulder" moment. he needs physical touch at all times, and he might even joke about being clingy, but he doesn't care. that's how he gets reassured. it's also how he knows the relationship is going well. once you don't want to be with someone, the last thing you want to do is to touch. for all that time girls made him the second choice, or he wanted something serious and was nothing more than a friend, was the saddest time of his life because he was touch starved! and i said this before, but i think gary's horniness is because of his primary love language too.

~ acts of service ~

bobby. it doesn't matter what the moment is, that's what he likes doing for you, and that's what he likes to receive at all times. whether he's happy, sad, angry, in need of a pick me up, or simply coming back from a tiring day. receiving something that took you time makes him very happy. it shows how dedicated you both are to the relationship.

chelsea. i'm sorry, but even though adhd is not her whole personality, it's a big part of it. she'll forget to put gas in her car, or to order dinner. small things that facilitate her day are her favorite, but yes, acts of service will always top any other language. if she's with a client and suddenly remembers she had to pick up the dry cleaning, you'll text her about it "just picked up the dry cleaning. wanna have lunch downtown?" she'll melt all over the floor of the room she needs to decorate.

hope. more than gifts, which i think are the second favorite, it's the little things you get done for her. she's very busy, and apparently is the reason why she doesn't know how to cook. always running back and forth, it's probable that your acts of service would help her in a moment of need. not having to ask is what rounds it up nicely. the fact that you went out of your way to do something for her is the ultimate proof of love there is.

~ receiving gifts ~

ibrahim. it's how he shows love, and how he likes to be shown love. if you bring him something like a miniature of some sort, preferably a super hero, it will make his week worth it. when he travels and you can't be with him, that's how he shows how much he missed you. little gifts about internal jokes are an extra affectionate way to demonstrate that you care.

elisa. yes, she loves presenting you with something glamorous, but it's also how she knows she's appreciated. it doesn't have to be big or even expensive, but that's the only way she comprehends love from you. and if i would have to guess what she likes the most is small trinckets she either keeps on her vanity or in her car. she can remind herself of how luck she feels when looking at them.

priya. in my head priya will jump and hug you whenever you bring her something. as small as it could be, anything that you tell her it reminded you of her will make her melt. whether a flower, a small item she'll keep on her car, or her favorite hair product, it doesn't matter. it's also the only way she's sure you know her well. she measures it by the accuracy of items you bring her.

[scripttorture]

In a fanfic I'm writing, a character goes through multiple types of torture as a form of punishment. (These are going to be mainly whipping, lack of food, and being chained to a wall, but due to my own personal squeamishness I'm going to be keeping these offscreen.) She is able to escape her torturer/abuser, and escapes to what is essentially a magical copy of her house. (Part 1)

In this copy, she is able to access anything that she would have been able to access in the real version of her house other than Wi-Fi, phone service, and any other way of contacting the outside world (mainly due to being in an alternate dimension; house is fueled by magic.) Because she has stimulus and is hiding from her torturer/abuser, would this help to mitigate the effects of being in solitary confinement? (Part 2 of 2)

-

Probably not. Sorry.

 I think you could argue that she has a reason to want to be isolated and that that could help her voluntarily stay isolated for longer but she’s basically being driven to this. So I don’t think that ‘cause’ would reduce her stress or lessen the effects of isolation.

 But even people who voluntarily isolate themselves for long periods (some of whom are presumably more resistant to the effects of isolation) develop symptoms and I don’t think this scenario is closest to truly voluntary isolation.

 I wouldn’t compare this scenario to hermits or long distance sailors. I’d compare it to prisoners who are targetted for abuse by other prisoners.

 One of the consistent reasons prisoners give for not reporting abuse is that policies to protect them which amount to solitary confinement. A decent number of prisoners will choose to deal with physical abuse rather then face solitary confinement. And those who do choose solitary confinement will often ask to be put back in the general population.

 This strongly suggests that solitary, even when chosen, is still an incredibly damaging and painful experience.

 We know that solitary confinement makes mental illnesses worse. It does this across the board for every condition that has been tested.

 Combining that with the number and severity of mental health problems torture causes solitary is- Well bluntly it kills.

 You haven’t given a time frame, which is fair enough you may not have decided on one yet, but the heavy implication is that we’re talking about prolonged solitary confinement. This character is going into hiding. She’s likely to be confined for well over a week. Probably months, possibly years.

 These are dangerous time frames for a character who started out healthy. For a character who enters this scenario with severe mental health problems it would be a lot lot worse. Partly because they just wouldn’t get the chance to heal.

 I think that leaves the question of what the right choice for this story is.

 Based on the summary I get the impression you want to minimise the effect of solitary confinement here and avoid adding even more symptoms for the character to deal with. The best way to do that is to minimise solitary confinement.

 That doesn’t mean you have to remove the idea of her running to this safe harbour. I feel like that’s an integral part of the story.

 But is there a reason that this magic must cut her off from everyone? Is there a reason that she can’t occasionally leave and socialise?

 If the abuser can use magic to track and chase her outside of this one safe place why can’t she do the reverse? And if she can do the reverse she can work out how long it would take for him to catch up. Which means she can work out how much time she has outside of her safe zone.

 This would not be a relaxed or nice situation to live in. But it would give her a way to satisfy her social needs.

 Similarly depending on how the magic works in this setting you could have other people occasionally stumbling upon this house. Deliberately or accidentally.

 If you’re picturing it as being at a sort of magical half-way point, a liminal space, then couldn’t others stumble across this threshold? Especially if it’s only designed to keep a specific group of people out.

 They wouldn’t need to stay. The visits could be irregular and somewhat random. They could be as much a source of stress as of comfort.

 But again, it would give her a way of fulfilling a basic need.

 You could also imagine this refuge as a series of shared spaces, rather then a singular one. She’s created her own house. Perhaps if she opens the backdoor she’d find herself stepping into someone else’s safe space. Perhaps there could be a community in this place.

 You could also use magic to change the way the character perceives time. Perhaps she realises her own limits and puts herself in to an enchanted sleep, waking at a set time years later when her abuser may well have given up looking for her.

 Magic also creates another option that’s worth considering: I’ve mentioned before that there isn’t any way to bypass our need for company, we’re social animals and this need is a fundamental part of the way our nervous system is constructed. I have said in the past that to have a character completely unaffected by solitary confinement they would need to stop being human.

 You have magic. That is an option.

 And if she’s desperate enough to run into this limited lonely world for relief then she might be desperate enough to try something that drastic.

 Of course you might want to stick with solitary confinement and everything that goes along with it.

 It would be an awful experience for the character but if you’re sensible about time frames it could still be survivable.

 I’d suggest six months as an absolute maximum if you really want to test the character to destruction. I think 1-3 months is a more reasonable period in terms of survival.

 It would put back the character’s recovery by a very long time. Probably years.

 Her existing symptoms would get a lot, lot worse. And she might find that particularly distressing if she expected escape to mean she’d feel better.

 She’d also develop new symptoms, some of which might be more frightening then the symptoms of torture. Because most people tend to associate psychosis, hallucinations and irrational impulses with… bad portrayals of incurable ‘insanity’. These are disturbing symptoms to experience anyway, that cultural baggage makes them even more so.

 Once again, I highly recommend Shalev’s Sourcebook on solitary confinement for accounts of these symptoms.

 Sticking with solitary confinement means that it’s likely a good portion of the narrative will end up being about symptoms and about recovery.

 There’s nothing wrong with deciding that’s the story you want to tell but it can be incredibly daunting if it wasn’t the story you were planning on.

 Beyond that you might want to take a look at my post about researching and writing difficult topics.

 Because it can be really really hard. Both in the sense of actually writing and emotionally. All of the stories I’ve finished that dealt primarily with things like torture have been difficult projects.

 Recognise your limits and be kind to yourself. Take breaks. Don’t force yourself to continue when you’re distressed.

 The work will still be there tomorrow.

 I hope that helps. :)

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[paradoxcoronum]

ParadoxbyCoronum Twitter 8/5/2020

Rose: Update on the frozen coffee as ice cubes in my cold coffee thing. Good idea in practice, but if you like to doctor your coffee with syrups or creams, you have to keep getting up to adjust the ratio. But if you drink coffee black, you should be fine.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Huh!!

ParadoxbyCoronum: I guess that makes sense! As it melts more and more of it mixes into the coffee, offsetting the balance.

Rose: Exactly. I don't want to over-doctor my coffee, but for ease of drinking over time I might have to. Not sure how I feel about this.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Maybe make it reeeaaally strong, and then let it sit for a bit to let the ice melt??

Rose: You might be onto something there. More science is at hand. I'll try again.

ParadoxbyCoronum: :O

Rose: Also I just saw the WackyWisdomWednesday post. Are you in charge of those?

ParadoxbyCoronum: Why? Did I get something wrong??

Rose: No, not at all. I just reminded me of a study where men and women (sadly no nonbinary people) were tested to see how they react to male and female voiced AI, and how men tended to get furious when told what to do by a male voice.

Rose: I'm wondering if I can find it again.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Oh...

ParadoxbyCoronum: But... doesn’t that still mean that they preferred a female voice??

Rose: they do, but it's fascinating to think about how it didn't matter if the female voice said things the exact same way. Just the fact that it was a masculine voice was enough to change their opinion.

Rose: The gender aspect of it is fascinating.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Oh!! Yeah, I guess so!

ParadoxbyCoronum: Maybe it’s some kind of instincts thing? Or at least something they were taught?

Rose: I definitely think there's some form of sexism involved, but not sure where the origination of it comes from. Some people think it's because babies instinctively react to their mother's voice as early as in the womb, and others think its a learned behavior sort of deal.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Yknow, like if they were taught as kids to stand up for yourself or to be the head of the pack or something, then being told what to by what sounds like competition might make them angry!

Rose: That too!

ParadoxbyCoronum: Maybe it’s just who they’re used to listening to parents wise?

Rose: That's also possible. Sadly I'm not finding the original study, and every article referencing it isn't including a link. This is frustrating.

Rose: I did find a study where apparently if you spoke on the phone to an AI, via an interaction voice response system, male sounding voices were more "usable" but female sounding were more "trustworthy".

ParadoxbyCoronum: Usable??

Rose: I guess they're using "usable" as dependable. Which that alone sounds iffy to me.

Rose: Found an image from a 2019 publication but I feel like it's worth sharing?

Rose: And then we get things like this- "The late Stanford communications professor Clifford Nass, [...] wrote that people tend to perceive female voices as helping us solve our problems by ourselves, while they view male voices as authority figures who tell us the answers to our problems. We want our technology to help us, but we want to be the bosses of it, so we are more likely to opt for a female interface."

ParadoxbyCoronum: https://sheffield.ac.uk/news/nr/422-1.174743 I looked around and found this article thingy!

ParadoxbyCoronum: Oh... so it’s just... engrained gender roles?

Rose: Oh, I'm going to read that article you linked for sure.

Rose: And apparently so?

ParadoxbyCoronum: So what you’re saying is that if more men were perceived as kind and caregiving and the such, then people would be less likely to see them as authorative, and then we might have more male AI?

Rose: That's at least what this study and the specialist thinks.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Huh!

Rose: I think it's really interesting. I'm sorry if I bombarded you with a lot of information.

ParadoxbyCoronum: No no, it’s fine!! It’s been a slow morning anyways!

ParadoxbyCoronum: I’ve been waiting for that person to show up again, so you keeping me company has been great!

Rose: I'm glad I can give you something to do then.

Rose: And that person? What person?

ParadoxbyCoronum: Oh!! Someone came through the backdoor yesterday without me realizing! And sat down in one of the offices.

ParadoxbyCoronum: When I realized they were there I kinda hid at the front desk.

Rose: That's scary! Did you ever find out who it was?

ParadoxbyCoronum: I... didn’t end up talking to them.

Rose: Were you nervous/scared?

Rose: There's nothing wrong with that if so. Being startled is totally normal

ParadoxbyCoronum: I guess I was scared? I didn’t expect them to be there and they came in unannounced!

Rose: That's totally fair. Plus what if they're like your supervisor or something? I do hope they'll introduce themselves to you soon, if only so you're not as startled next time.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Eheh... about that...

Rose: ?? What's up?

ParadoxbyCoronum: They came back today, through the front door this time.

ParadoxbyCoronum: They brought us coffee and Hashbrowns as an apology for yesterday!

Rose: Sweet, free food and coffee. An immediate positive point in my books. Did they introduce themselves? Who are they?

ParadoxbyCoronum: They said to call them Saretsky, though that’s... kind of a weird first name?

Rose: Saretsky? Maybe it's a last name.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Oh, maybe!!

ParadoxbyCoronum: Anywhosies, they apologized for last night, which was nice!

Rose: That is very nice of them! Do you think you will get along with them?

ParadoxbyCoronum: I hope so!!

Rose: Me too. I hope it'll make the office feel less lonely. Or well I assumed it was lonely if it was just you and Lynn.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Most of the day it’s just us!

ParadoxbyCoronum: You’d think they’d have other people here though. Unless they’re yet to come!

Rose: You did say Paradox was a new location. Maybe they're steadily hiring people?

ParadoxbyCoronum: Oh, maybe!!

ParadoxbyCoronum: I guess it’s possible!

Rose: Seems silly to hire people though if the location doesn't even know what they're doing though. Did you hear anything at all on what Paradox is supposed to be?

ParadoxbyCoronum: Just that we’ll “find out soon” apparently!

Rose: Hm. The anticipation is getting to me. How are you handling this?

ParadoxbyCoronum: I’m honestly trying to think about it as little as possible!

ParadoxbyCoronum: That and lots of caffeine!!

Rose: You're valid and don't let anyone make you think differently, Ray.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Thank you!!

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 7 - "Okay there we go. I'm caught up. Now give me my winner's edit back." - Trace

Not only did nehe go but he did NOT play his idol AND i got him to tell me where he found it. Its a long shot but if the host rehide it in the same coordinates im set. Now I just gotta make sure I dont get crucified for it.

Fuck! That just happened and it was great. Me working with Matt and Adrian was smart because they actually felt the same way I felt about Nehe. Like i really liked him but trusting him after he already backstabbed me!? Nahh. It is time to play this game.

The past two days have been the greatest days in survivor history for me and no matter what happens and even if I’m out next no one can take away my masterful Nehe blindside, my earning the trust of the people I voted against last tribal and finding an idol with my best girl Kait. Let’s keep this energy please.

I feel very fucking stupid. Have work and I am not able to talk to my tribe, I self-vote, and now I am considered inactive, rightfully so. I need to get that inactive label off my ass ASAP

Madison really is trying it. She is trying to get isolated because it's obvious there will be an advantage there. She is saying it would be nice for someone on our tribe to have it, but I don't trust her. I doubt she would let anyone know what the actual advantage is if there is one. But at the same time, people will assume she has something and that will make the target on her back so much greater. Also, it's a round of safety so no shit she wants it. I don't think I can outright say "oh no no no, i don't want you going" even though that is how I feel. I would rather send Matt because I trust him more than I trust Madison.

What's a guy gotta do to get voted into isolation? Positive or negative idc, if I'm forced into retrograde that helps my resume. Vote me Ma'an. How do these people not realize our vote doesn't matter aside from it being public, Ma'an is obviously going to vote together they have no reason not to especially with it being PUBLIC our vote is straight up how it will be perceived by people not deciding who goes to isolation.  For a bunch of smart guys they're being stupid.

It’s the next day after tribal last night. I need to talk to Stephen. We have played before and Ive been hosted by him so we have some history. We techically havent been working together but we have had some communication and we havent gone after each other. I need to talk and see if he’s willing to work with me in this game. This Moon twist is so weird and i dont know whats going to happen. We are going to all cote together and its between Cloe and Thomas. They feel that sending someone to exile gives hosts the perfect numbers to do a swap. Which would be bad but not too horrible. Just if there is I want to be in a tribe with Aidan, Madison, Matt S, Stephen, and perhaps Ian/Timmy.

- - -

It is coming close to 7 o’cock and im getting nervous to find out what happens. This moon twist could really mess things up or cause lots of trouble if person isolated gets an advantage or something.

So what people might be thinking right now is "wow Timmy is an idiot and went against his entire tribe" but with the way this game is set up WHO CARES. I haven't spoken to Madison or Chloe much so I know neither of them are going to tell me what happened in the Oasis. Madison had been pushing all day for her to go but also saying "it doesn't matter much I'll do whatever" but whenever someone tried to bring up another plan she would immediately shut it down and suggest herself. That was super sketchy to me so no way in hell was I going to be sending her there. I got to make the final decision and I am so happy about that because I got to do what I wanted, which was not send Madison. There is no real reason to stick to any tribal lines for this season since you don't go to tribal as a tribe. Yea it helps with keeping more people safe with immunity, but I've been doing a good job at that on my own. I'm very methodical with this game and everything I do has a reason that is thought out for it and this one was because Madison is sketchy and I wanted her to feel not safe because she was already basically gloating about going. She didn't need it, Chloe needed it more because she was already in danger so why not give her a break and she deserves some possible advantage. Madison didn't need it by any means, I needed it more than she did because I have been safe for so many rounds that if I go to tribal I am a threat so a little solace of a possible advantage would have been nice but I wasn't going to shove my name into the ring. I know this entire thing could be my downfall, but at the same time you have to take chances so that's what I did and I don't regret it for one second.

Basically what I was expecting happened and we had a tribe swap. Cloe is safe in isolation. Warzone is still a thing so no normal tribals yet. I want to win this immunity because i dont want to be at tribal while at disneyland. Or maybe if i am ill show u guys while im there.

me at matt and owen rn: 

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Bh2G2YfIgAACSlm.jpg

Well. Hot diggity Dog huh? I’m kind of glad we swapped right before Ma’an literally imploded over who to isolate. I guess Chloe is there now which I feel bad about but I feel like I can work with her and whatever she’s got since we’ve voted together twice. I’m glad I have Madison here as an ally as well as Adrian, even tho he was giving me one word and emoji answers (suspicious!!! Emojis are never good). I hope he’s not afraid of me considering he literally spent last warzone going “I can’t believe how easily you got everyone to think Thomas was the vote you’re so good at this” like yes I am but don’t notice that! I have my idol which is nice and relieving and Kaits the only only person who knows about it, which might mean Kait may be a loose end for me. I love her to DEATH and really trust her but she kinda weirded me out during the isolation vote by being catty. If that’s how she is with that vote, does she go even harder during tribal? The thing with Kait and Owen is like they’re my best friends from high school or something. But going off to warzone with Maynor twice and Madison twice was like going to college and meeting new friends who you share insane experiences with and then go back to your high school friends and there’s a disconnect. I just hope me trying to be a friend to all doesn’t smush me in the middle. I’m not ready to be smushy.

It too me 41 minutes to do this challenge. I think i did okay but i could be totally off. I really hope i was able to get atleast enough of it correct for me to win safety. I dont really want to go to tribal but I have a decent allies that i might be safe. Matt told Kait to talk to me and we are getting along. Id be down to work with her in this game. I have to wait and see what happens with these tribal results later. I dont wanna be worrying about the vote while im in disneyland.

I only know of like, 5 of these people. Ians here thats good, Corey is here that isnt, maynor i think is good. Love the guy but he plays the game. Heres to another messy warzone! This challenge sucked.

Fuck that challenge and fuck Arianna Grande. It's f17, I am not going to throw that much of my time away on a f17 challenge, that's just asinine. If anyone thinks those challenges are fun then there is something wrong with you. I'd rather burn my idol than subject myself to the torture that challenge was. Sort your own damn screenshots.

Whale, whale, whale. New tribes and shit. I have a save vote thing that I may keep if I decide to not vote at my next tribal council. Unfortunately, if I am in the warzone tonight, (and I believe I will be due to my slow performance) I don't believe I will get this power; with only 8 of us there and Chloe joining the tribe that loses a person, I don't see myself refraining from voting. I am intrigued by the other tribe voting Madison and i assume she volunteered. I don't know what is up w Timmy and he is now the single person I have yet to speak to. Regardless, I have taken the opportunity to bond w Kait and a bit with Thomas. I need to shield my own ass in case I'm in WZ. Kait seems scared of it, understandably, and a sympathetic new boi to her is not threatening and she may see me as an asset if we end up there together. I'm thankful for Ian on my tribe as he's the only person I feel comfortable with talking game with and long-term and short-term strategy. Wish I had Matt, Devon, Adrian or Owen on my team though. Sucks that Maynor is here. BUT regardless! I am doing my best.