#I'm up Racheling my Berry (as the great hevanderson once said)

[unholy-fabray]

*puts a little gold star sticker on my water bottle. as a treat

[unholy-fabray]

When Glee was still airing and I was actively watching the show, I could not STAND Rachel. Like I tuned out every time she was on screen, I was fully on board the Rachel hate train online, etc.

Then something snapped in my brain - or maybe I just got older - and during my recent rewatch of the show, I find myself deeply sympathetic for her as a character.

Setting aside the behind-the-scenes controversies, I think the on-screen character of Rachel Berry gets a little too much hate. I'm sure I'm reading way too much into this ridiculous show, BUT here are some Rachel Berry thoughts I have:

From a young age, she has been wholly dedicated to a very specific goal and encouraged/enabled by her dads to base her entire identity and self worth on this one dream which she then pursues to an abrasive, off-putting degree and is bullied for being "that theater kid". The way her dads handled this almost reminds me of pageant parents, ngl.

Glee is notorious for having it's characters do problematic shit then never really addressing it or calling them out on it, but I've noticed Rachel is very often called out on her bullshit. I know people like to say she gets everything she wants, but (Lea Michelle + RM bts issues aside) Rachel catches a lot of shit in the show - she's just really determined.

Her birth mother breaches a legal contract, manipulates minors to weasel her way into Rachel's life, forcing her into meeting only to REJECT her outright. Shelby describes how she dreamt this moment would go, then basically tells Rachel, "you didn't live up to my dreams, bye". How traumatizing wtf!

Not to mention: Shelby adopts a new baby and lingers around Lima, Ohio where she can continue to traumatize literally every kid she comes in close contact with (Rachel, Quinn, Puck) - but I digress, that's a topic for another post...

Rachel is a teenage girl who is routinely told she is unlikeable and unattractive - even her own boyfriends make comments that put her down compared to other girls. In addition, her satisfaction and pleasure is never considered when it comes to the physical aspects of her relationships (this is a running theme for female characters on this damn show).

On a similar note, Rachel is shown to have very low self esteem and is compensating through her ideas of stardom. She genuinely believes that she is nothing without her singing voice. She has been bullied all her life because she's weird and loud and she comes from a nontraditional family.

Idk man, the way Finn treats her* and the shit with Shelby and how Will + her dads just enable her problematic behavior really makes me sad for her. I think it's easy to forget these characters are teenagers and are so impressionable.

*Rachel also treats Finn badly, I'm not denying that

Anyways, she's a very flawed and at-times aggravating character, but I see her in a different light than I used to. I've developed a sort of soft spot for Miss Rachel Berry. I can better understand why she is the way she is (whether that was intentional or RIB's part or not, idk).