#I'm twenty-(two) years old I've no money and no prospects. I'm already a burden to my parents and I'm frightened.

[bluebellhairpin]

I've gone past my prime. Going into the rest of this year without a single ounce of romantic interest to show for my entire (almost) 22 years of existence while my 18 year old sister has had two guys show clear interest in her in the past year. If you need me I will be rotting away in a hole under the floorboards of my home.

[paper-teeth]

8-7-23

Jobs, relationships, adulthood

I’ve been off my last project for two months now and it’s looking like I have no option but to go back. My new project never kicked off and I don’t have many immediate options elsewhere. Starting to feel like charlotte from pride and prejudice:

I'm [twenty-four] years old, I've no money (potentially, I could lose my job) and no prospects. I'm already a burden to my parents and I'm frightened

Just the thought of going back to that stressful position is overwhelming and I’ve relapsed into some not-so-great behaviors. Unless I get picked up by someone else I’ll be stuck here for a year doing tasks I hate.

Trying to stay positive but absolutely losing my mind.

Pros and Cons of my current situationship:

Pros -

He’s gorgeous, kind, emotionally stable, and I’m obsessed with his personality (the great sex is a plus obviously)

Cons -

He said he’s not looking to jump into a serious relationship (hence the situationship) and he barely elaborates on his personal life. I don’t mean to pry but we’ve been on like, 7 dates at this point? I don’t need a trauma dump but maybe a funny childhood story would’ve come up?

I’m not that concerned about not being official, it’s only been like a month and a half. I wasn’t looking for anything past a night out with him to begin with, he’s just been nice to hang out with. I’m just thrown off by how little he talks about himself… I don’t think I’m the other woman but what is he hiding? A childhood in a cult? An abusive household? Family illness? Or is it just a bad breakup?

I also unintentionally went on a date with an ex classmate thinking it was just a hangout (it was obviously a date). Now I never want to be seen at an event with him ever again. Nothing happened, we just got coffee and talked, but thinking back on it makes me uncomfortable. He’s intense, let’s his intrusive thoughts spill out, and has probably said some not so great things that align with his conservative views. I’d like to keep him at an acquaintance distance, not any closer.

Moving out:

I was hoping to get picked up by my dream project because their office is an hour and a half away, meaning I’d probably move. This was my best excuse at getting out of my parents house without it being a silly waste of money. Why would I move out for a remote position or even just a 30 minute drive? For a while I wanted to move to another city just to get a different environment. I‘ve grown to love my hometown and the people in my local office, but that itch to get out is still strong. Maybe if I go back to my old project I can move to another city for 6 months?

XOXO

losing myself in adulthood