#I'm sure this is because they're underfunded and understaffed and not because they're bad people

[sufficientlylargen]

Happy Ambulatory Circulatory System Day to those who celebrate!

This is the only day you can reblog this

[bondsmagii]

One of the things about the Chriscoarse is that it brings back memories of this kid who I went to school with.

He was always uncomfortably sexual because he’d been severely sexually abused before he hit kindergarten.

He scared other kids because he did upsetting things. He was fine around girls but boys set him off. Like literally. 0% control. In Kindergarten. He was bullied like to a terrifying degree. No one wanted him in their class. Not even the teachers. He received no therapy or support that I know of. They basically quarantined this kid. I actually remember teachers haggling over who had to have him. He always had to move his desk away from the other kids.

I did talk to him a few times over the years because we ran in the social pariah circle at school. He was pretty smart and very..aware of his situation.

He ended up assaulting another boy when I was in middle school and wasn’t heard from again.

All I can think of now is the series of adults that failed to do anything. They were actively disgusted by him. I understand other children’s actions but the adults made me feral and like when he did something bad people felt justified in how they treated him.

The whole situation was tragic and awful

oof. that sounds really rough, and it's especially awful that I want to hope that kid turned out alright but... he probably didn't, and through no fault of his own.

with situations like this, it's difficult to know where to lay blame. there's supposed to be a system in place so that if a child needs help that exhausts the systems already available to them (their parents can't cope alone; the school can't cope alone) the case can be escalated until a situation is found that can cope with the child's needs. too often, this system breaks down at a very low level, and I think that's what happened here.

I'm hesitant to lay blame solely at the feet of the teachers here (obviously excluding any of the assholes you can unfortunately find in this line of work who do genuinely seem to take pleasure in tormenting children). absolutely they should never have let their discomfort be known to the children in their care, and they should never have treated him like they were disgusted by him or fed up with him. but -- and speaking generally now -- teachers are severely overworked, underfunded, and understaffed. they have countless kids in their care, many of them with their own needs, and they're only human. what should have happened here is the child should have been advanced up the system and removed to another situation better suited for him -- a special class with better one-on-one care, a school that specialises in cases like his, a trained therapist to help him deal with his trauma, etc. this obviously didn't happen, and instead this poor kid was left in a regular school surrounded by triggers, and surrounded by adults who just didn't have the time, energy, or skills necessary to help him.

I think... and I'm going to have to word this carefully here, because I'm sure a lot of people would be itching to take it the wrong way, but to put it as bluntly as I dare: it's human to feel scared or even disgusted by situations like this. that doesn't mean it's OK to take it out on the person, or abuse or ostracise them (and this one especially not if you have a duty of care). but teachers aren't saints, as much as some of them can come close. humans are humans, and when we're met with behaviour that's uncontrollable, threatening, and even dangerous, it's natural for us to want to avoid it. it's natural for us to fear it, feel disgusted by it, and even resent it. the thing we have to focus on is how to adequately process these feelings and reach a point where this doesn't translate into mistreatment of the person displaying the behaviours, who very often did not ask to have them as much as nobody asked to have to deal with it.

(people with training in this kind of situation know what they're getting into, and people with a duty of care should be offered training and resources so they can deal with it on a day-to-day basis. but for those people who are untrained or underage, they also have the right to not be involved and to remove themselves from the situation and no longer engage. in school situations, children have no choice in the matter and are often literally forced to socialise with other children they dislike, or who are cruel to them or frighten them. children who are frightened of somebody will bind together and bully to keep them away. this isn't right, but it's the responsibility of those in charge to ensure that this situation doesn't happen in the first place. as for the wider world, I've seen countless people going off at people for posting videos where someone has been aggressive or even attacking them, and so they've yelled or defended themselves, and commenters are going off like "he could be mentally ill! this is so ableist!". the fact that the person might be mentally ill should be taken into account, but if somebody is attacking you on the subway, what are you supposed to do? throw your hands up and let him punch away because he might be sick? you're still allowed to defend yourself, and you're still allowed to be angry and frightened, even if a person is sick. lay the blame, however, at the feet of the system that's allowing this person to be alone, without support, and frightened, rather than assuming that the sick person is attacking out of malice or lack of self-control.)

people seem to focus too much on the emotion, and not the action. I know a nurse who specialises in caring for patients with severe dementia. this can make them abusive and violent. she has been hurt by some of her patients, and even on a good day she finds herself having to deal with things she'd rather not -- copious amounts of human waste, for example. she admits that she's frightened of the violent patients. she admits that she's disgusted by the things some of them say to her and wish on her. she admits that cleaning up a grown adult amount of shit grosses her out beyond belief. it would be impossible for her to state otherwise and have me believe her, because of course she'd feel that way. she's human. the crime isn't in her feeling this way. the crime would be if she left the patients in their own filth because she was "too grossed out" to clean them, and they "deserved" it for messing themselves. the crime would be in if she hit her violent patients back, screamed at them, or locked them in a bathroom until they calmed down. but she doesn't. she cleans them quickly and with dignity. she helps calm them as quickly and as efficiently as possible. when they have times where they're more lucid and calm, she sits and chats with them and listens to their stories and keeps them company. some of them sometimes display remorse when they know they've acted badly, and ask her if she hates them or if she's angry at them, and she puts it very well: "sometimes I don't like your behaviour because it's upsetting for you, but I still like you." this is what matters -- but still some people would look at the fact that she does feel that fear or dread or disgust and judge her on that. it's like what I was taught growing up: your actions matter more than your thoughts.

what I'm saying here, to return to the point, is that it's difficult to lay blame here because while these adults did fail this child, a wider system of support failed them, too. it's impossible to be able to deal with a case like this on your own. support systems are absolutely necessary so everyone can live as comfortably as possible. these teachers had dozens more children in their care and no backup support, no trained professionals. situations like this can be genuinely traumatising for the other children. I still remember a boy in my class when I was 8 or 9 who had rages so violent the police had to be called. it was terrifying, being herded into a corner with the teacher trying to protect us, as this boy hurled furniture and self-harmed in front of us. as an adult I feel desperately sorry for this boy, who was one of my friends when he was calmer, but as a child I just felt fear and confusion and anger at him. why did he have to do this? I didn't understand. god knows what it was like for our teacher. in this case, when a child who is so scared of boys that he terrorises the dozen boys in your class is kicking off, and you're legally not allowed to lay a finger on him even if he's physically harming one of your terrified students, what do you do? with no support, nowhere else to place him so he gets assistance and patience, you have to put him in another room. if he keeps doing it, you have to keep him in that other room. it's horrifically unfair, but what other choice do you have? and while some teachers really should not be in the business, many others are only trying to do their best, and they probably felt terrible about it and that boy probably still haunts them now.

this case is absolutely tragic, but it's unfortunately a common one. there should be so much more in place to assist children in this situation, and on paper it looks like there is, but underfunding and what I can only assume is sheer laziness means that when it comes down to it, everybody only suffers.

[hareofhrair]

In my experience, it's because the foodbank fucking sucks.

What they'll have every month is necessarily, understandably, extremely inconsistent. Last time I got two massive bags of okra, some stale danishes, and almost nothing else. The time before that I got like three bags of apples, a couple of bell peppers, one very small squash, and three bottles of sparkling water for some reason.

I have more dried beans than I will ever eat.

Other times I have to empty out my whole damn freezer because they gave me an entire rack of ribs and a bunch of chicken thighs that will expire tomorrow!

There is never enough of anything to constitute an actual meal. You have to get your food bank box and then build a grocery list around it, and you better do it fast because anything not dried or canned WILL expire in the next few days.

I have like five jars of sugar free peanut butter I can't eat because I'm allergic to artificial sweeteners.

One time they gave me and my room mate each an entire CRATE of peaches. Imagine showing up hoping to get enough food to last you the month and they hand you a paper bag full of dried rice and beans and also your weight in fucking peaches.

Don't get me wrong, I love peaches! I don't love frantically trying to bake as much peach cobbler as possible before they all go bad, and then eating nothing but peach cobbler for two weeks, after which there is no more food.

The waste of it drives me god damn insane! So much of what they give me is just wasted because I can't afford the ingredients to make anything with it, or I don't get to it in time because it expired too fast, or it's just not something I can eat.

To be clear, I would struggle with this even if the boxes were perfect because I'm disabled and have major difficulties with cooking and eating. But this shit makes those problems worse. Like all respect to whatever wizard is willing to play Chopped every month and can actually magic a coherent dish out of three cucumbers, a bag of dried split peas, and forty pounds of sweet potatoes, but that's not me.

I would rather not go and miss out on the handful of items in any given box that actually end up being useful, then have to bring home a bunch of food I can't do anything with just to watch it rot.

But they're too underfunded and understaffed to expect them to put together shit that actually makes sense and is usable. I can't even be mad at them for throwing loose produce at me and telling me to figure it out. What else are they supposed to do?

Clearly I'm just not desperate enough, I guess. So I'm better off not using the food bank and leaving the crates of peaches to someone who will be grateful for them.

As for the other food resources, if they exist in central Louisiana, no ones told me about them. If they existed, I'm sure it'd be a similar story. It's how any kind of social program is run here. Make it as difficult to access as possible and give it no funding so if you do manage to get it, it's almost useless, so people stop bothering. Then call it a waste of money because no one's using it and cut it entirely.

Something that I have noticed is I know almost nobody my age that goes to a food pantry. I know people who regularly run out of money for food and in general have to eat an unsuitable diet because that’s what they can afford and they still don’t go to a food bank, im not sure if it’s because they’re embarrassed or maybe if you didn’t grow up going you don’t know much about it but if you’re financially struggling I really recommend it. And look into other options for food assistance too like community fridges and gardens and other programs that can assist you, where I live Salvation Army pays for an allotted amount of grocery delivery for low income people every month, in the summer farmers take excess produce to the library to be taken by anyone who needs it, etc. There are a LOT of resources for free food that you can look into especially if you are literally not eating because of your financial situation