#I'm sure the lineup will change at least a little between now and October and right now there's no way to predict which bands will overlap

[emometalhead]

Aftershock 2023 Lineup

[itzynabi]

i’m getting tired

summary: in which eve isn’t okay

set: 29 october 2018

word count: 2.0k

warnings: allusions to shinee’s jonghyun, vomiting, swearing, self harm in a way (let me know if i've missed something)

an: hi! this one is significantly sadder than all the other scenarios written so far. please don't read if any of the warnings are a no-go for you

eve’s masterlist

Eve woke up feeling miserable.

There was an ache in her chest that wasn’t there yesterday. One that made it hard to breathe. And she didn’t know why. She reached over to her left for her phone, turning it on and seeing texts from Eunbi.

silver kwon [04:32] nabi-yah!!

silver kwon [04:32] we made our debut 🥳🥳

silver kwon [04:32] i feel so excited right now

silver kwon [04:33] i know you're probably asleep, but i just wanted to tell you

silver kwon [04:33] bye~~

Well, now she knows why she feels so bad. She could’ve debuted today. If she was good enough. If she was liked enough.

butterfly kim [08:12] unnie!! i'm so happy for you 💖

Eve tried to be happy for Eunbi. shS really did. But even typing that sentence felt like a shot to her heart.

“Let’s not be sad today,” she told herself when she got to the bathroom, forcing a smile in the mirror. “Let’s be happy.”

It didn’t take long to get upset again.

It didn’t take long at all.

Eve walked to the kitchen, where Kibum was already fussing around with breakfast, and sat down on the kitchen counter.

“Can you pass me the salt?” Kibum asked, not looking up from the pan that had egg in it. Next to it, there was a pot with rice and another with meat and soup.

“Sure.” Eve jumped off the counter and went to fetch the salt from a cabinet. She passed it to Kibum and put her head in the crook between his shoulder and neck.

Despite being hungry, looking at the food in their respective pots, Eve felt her stomach churn. She pulled away from Kibum and went to sit on the couch, looking out the window, trying not to think too much about Eunbi living out her dream.

“Breakfast is ready!” Kibum announced a while later. He had put their plates on the kitchen counter and was fetching two pairs of chopsticks and spoons when she came to the counter.

She pulled out a chair and sat down, pulling her plate closer to her. Kibum sat down next to her and passed a pair of chopsticks and a spoon to her.

“IZ*ONE made their debut today,” Eve said after a few bites of her food. She scooped up a spoon of rice, dipping it in the soup.

Kibum didn't know what to say in response. He knew how upset she had been when she didn’t make it to the lineup. She was so upset that any mention of the group or its members would make her frown. So he was very surprised at her bringing them up.

“Did you listen to it?” he asked.

She shook her head. “Not yet. Eunbi unnie seems very excited about it so I plan on listening to it.”

He nodded slowly, taking a bite of his food. They continued to eat in silence, Eve taking longer than usual.

“I’ll do the dishes,” she volunteered once they were both done. Kibum nodded and stood up to go to his bedroom, stopping just before leaving the kitchen.

“Nabi-yah,” he called to her. “You’ll make your debut soon. Don’t worry,” he comforted.

Eve's face instantly turned to stone, a serious expression falling upon her. “You don’t know that.”

She gathered all the dishes and took them little by little to the kitchen sink, Kibum watching her for a short while before leaving to go wash up.

Eve busied herself with the dishes. Soon after she started them, he emerged from his room in a change of clothes, telling her that he was going out to do something. she nodded and tried to ignore the look he gave her — the one filled with sadness and pity.

Eve went back to the guest room that she was staying in shortly after finishing the dishes and made her bed. Or at least tried to. She had pulled the duvet off and then lied on the bed.

She had no desire to move. The only reason she did was because her phone started buzzing from its position on the bedside table. She reached over and picked it up, seeing a new message from Kibum.

keybutt (ahjussi #3) [09:08] i'm sorry if i upset you, nabi

keybutt (ahjussi #3) [09:08] it wasn't my intention

princess nabi [09:09] you don't have to apologise

princess nabi [09:09] you were just trying to cheer me up

princess nabi [09:09] i'm the one being annoying

keybutt (ahjussi #3) [09:09] you've earned the right to

The conversation stalled there, the two not knowing what to say.

keybutt (ahjussi #3) [09:13] i'll be back after lunch time. you can make something or order in

princess nabi [09:13] okay

princess nabi [09:13] enjoy

keybutt (ahjussi #3) [09:13] ❤️

Eve put her phone down and sat up. she finished making her bed and went to go shower.

It was just past lunchtime and Eve had decided that she was going to watch the music video to support Eunbi. Not to punish herself.

She was in the sitting room and had her phone in her lap, the music video loaded and was ready to play. She took a few steadying breaths to calm her nerves and pressed play. She made it fifty-eight seconds in, before she felt something coming up her throat. She ran to the kitchen sink, making it just in time before her lunch came out. At that moment, Kibum walked into the house. He saw Eve bent over the sink and rushed to her side, pulling her hair out of the way as she continued to vomit.

“What’s wrong? Did you eat something bad?” He asked when she was done, fetching her a glass of water to rinse out her mouth.

“No,” Eve said, shaking her head. “I was watching the IZ*ONE video and then I vomited. I don’t know why.”

Kibum just nodded and rubbed her back soothingly. She dry heaved a few more times before standing upright. He passed her the glass of water, which she accepted.

“Are you okay?” He asked when she was done.

“Yeah,” Eve said, walking back to the couch. She sat down and rested her head against the wall, closing her eyes.

“Are you sure you're okay?” He asked again, following her to the living room.

“Yes!” Eve groaned, annoyance coating her tone.

“Nabi, I just want to ma–”

“I know, but it’s just–” Eve cut herself off and exhaled deeply. “I’m going on a walk.” With that she grabbed her sneakers and phone, leaving the apartment.

Dinner was full of tension. Kibum was frustrated with Eve for blocking him out and Eve was frustrated with Kibum for being overbearing. They didn’t speak to each other the entire meal. Once they were done eating and the dishes were cleaned, they retreated to their respective rooms.

Eve lied down on her bed, thinking about nothing and everything. Her phone rang and she checked who the caller was, answering it when she saw it was Eunbi.

“Hi, unnie,” she greeted once she answered.

“Nabi-yah! I got some time to myself so I’m calling you,” Eunbi said excitedly over the phone.

“How’s your day been?” Eve asked, shifting on the bed.

“Amazing! We had our debut showcase and our first music show performance.” Eunbi sighed. “I can’t wait for you to experience this.”

Logically, Eve knew Eunbi didn't mean anything malicious by saying that, but it didn’t stop the wave of anger from rolling over her. She took a deep breath to calm herself down.

“We might have to wait for a while,” Eve said with a bitter chuckle.

“I don’t think so,” Eunbi started, “you’re way too talented to not make your debut soon.”

“I wasn’t talented enough to debut with you.” Eve squeezed her eyes shut, knocking her hand against her head. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. You’re ups–”

“It doesn’t matter. You made your debut! The least I could do is be happy for you. and I am. Honestly.”

“Thanks, Nabi,” Eunbi said. Eve heard her talk with someone quickly. “I need to go now.”

“Okay. Enjoy whatever it is that you’re going to do,” Eve said.

“I will. Bye, Nabi.”

“Bye, unnie.” Eve hung up and put her phone down next to her. “Fuck!” She screamed. She started thrashing her body around until she fell off the bed. She continued to flail around despite how painful the floor was, screaming at the top of her lungs.

“Nabi?” Kibum called from outside her room. He opened the door and saw her, immediately rushing to her side. He tried to grab a hold of her arms, but she was moving around too fast. He eventually grabbed onto one of her legs, soon holding the other.

“Leave me alone!” she screamed, fighting against Kibum’s hold.

“Nabi, stop,” he pleaded, struggling to reach for her arms. She continued to jerk around, causing him to let go of her legs. She started hitting her head against the floor, still flailing everywhere. Kibum managed to get a hold of both her arms and wrapped his arms around her torso so that her back was against his chest.

“Leave me alone.” Eve didn't know when her screams turned into tears, but she knew she was crying. She eventually went limp in Kibum's arms, allowing him to loosen his hold on her. He moved them back until he was leaning against the wall, stroking her head as she continued to cry. After a few minutes, her cries started to quiet down. Kibum didn’t ask her any questions, giving her time to speak when she was ready.

“I’m sorry,” she started. “I’ve been mean and bitchy and… I'm sorry.”

“It’s fine, Nabi-yah.”

Eve shook her head and let out a sigh. “I’m not okay. I know I said I was, but I’m not,” Eve looked back at Kibum. His heart broke. “I think,” Eve started slowly, “I think I’ve been not okay for a while. And… I’m tired.”

“How long have you been feeling this way?”

“I… tried to find out when exactly i started feeling like shit. and i think it started in march,” she confessed softly.

“March?” He asked.

“That’s when it hit me, I think… that he’s gone.”

Eve knew she didn’t have to specify who she was talking about; there’s only one person she could be talking about. A silence enveloped the siblings. Neither of them making an effort to end it.

“I still text him,” Eve admitted after some time. “I know it’s useless, but it… it makes me feel like I’m talking to him.” Kibum stayed silent, not knowing what to say, so she continued, "I really miss him, oppa. And I’m glad he’s in a better place — I really am — but… I don’t know. It sucks that he’s not here.”

“So this isn’t about not making your debut?” He asked.

She shook her head, “I don't know. Maybe I’m just carrying over sadness from him or… or maybe I’m actually upset about not debuting, but… it’s too much for me.”

Eve felt tears well up in her eyes as her voice tapered at the end. Kibum pushed her away from him, turning her around so they were facing each other.

“Listen to me.” He gently took hold of her hands. “What you feel is valid — and I’m so sorry that you feel this way — but princess, you can’t live like this.”

Eve refused to look up, knowing that if she did, she would break down again.

“I think you need to see someone. Like a therapist,” Kibum said. Eve lifted her head and was about to object, but he held his hand up, silencing her. “I know you don’t like talking about your emotions, but I don’t want you to live like this. I don’t want you to feel like this.”

Eve nodded her head. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Kibum asked, squeezing her hand.

Eve opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, hesitating to say something, “Can you hold me? For a little bit?”

Kibum opened his arms and let her crawl into them. She rested her head against his chest, letting the sound of his heart beat soothe her as he wrapped his arms around her.

“I love you, oppa,” she whispered into the room.

“I love you too, Nabi.”

tagging: @lunarxsun // @ateezivy // @ateezjuliet

©️ kim nabi