#I'm still working on making icons! I have some but none for this particular part!

[cipheramnesia]

I know you talk about movies and TV shows on here a lot, so I'm not sure if you've already a secret this, but do you have any recommendations for things on canabalism? Or werewolves

The cannibalism genre is huge, and you could probably write a book on it. Obviously my favorites are The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 (the originals, none of the remakes, reboots, whatever). They're two sides of the same strange coin with underlying themes of classism and the deep rot at the core of US nationalism. Along with Night of the Living Dead around six years prior, the original TCM was one of those movies that marked a paradigm shift in horror film.

But meanwhile, there was a huge lurid explosion of cannibalsploitation movies. I don't know most of them very well. Like, I've seen Motel Hell and Blood Diner, The Hills Have Eyes movies, but they didn't do a lot for me. Once you start getting to the end of the 80s, directors seemed to start getting an inkling of the satirical or symbolic value of the cannibal, and that's where some really interesting work happens, for example Parents (1989), the absolutely iconic People Under the Stairs (1991), and a left field one from me personally - Auntie Lee's Meat Pies (1992) - which feels almost accidentally anti-capitalist / anti-authoritarian.

One thing about this period is that for the most part there was an associate of cannibalism with being rural and poor (People Under The Stairs and Parents are notable and very interesting exceptions). A degree of the horror lies in humans eating humans, but in a modern lens these old exploitation films tap into other feelings, finding an undercurrent of anger which comes from the way it's so often poor and rural people literally consuming wealthy or privileged people. The cannibals of these movies were often dirty, or old, or fat, or horny. They were loud and obnoxious and tacky - and their victims were so clean and thin and pretty and wealthy. There's no doubt a lot of the exploitation movies in that whole late sixties to early nineties period weren't exactly made with pure intentions, but many of them hit that "eat the rich" sweet spot in a way more recent movies don't.

But anyway, also starting in the 1990s was the shift towards the idea of cannibalism as something transformative - human flesh went from a staple of the poor and disenfranchised, and started to be a luxury item, or something which marked those who consumed it as special or even elite, sort of kicked off by Silence of the Lambs. However, if you want a more interesting example, Ravenous is a fun watch, and has a lot to unpack going on - both for the good and for the bad. It's one of those movies where you'll find a degree of the mythologizing also start to appropriate first nations culture and in particular a figure which isn't meant to be spoken about just in general. Prior to this, there was already a habitual use of "native people" as "savage cannibals" in the exploitative way, but this was where it swung over to the other side of the horseshoe, to stereotype any sort of pre-colonial people's have having a unique and ritualized consumption of human flesh that separated them from white, western colonizers.

Anyway, that takes us up to recent stuff, which is probably too close to see a clear pattern. People are still making the same movies as before, but some of the more interesting modern approaches where cannibalism is in the context of things like coming of age, or finding a place in the world are Raw and Bones And All. These two takes merge some of the original models of cannibalism being a trait of the underprivileged, but having elements signifying it as a unique experience which allows it to serve as a stand-in for the feeling of transition to adulthood, or being someone who is socially othered in some way. A few others which I think have some interesting takes, but maybe not enough to get into detail, are Flesh, We Are What We Are, Feed Me, and Bloody Hell. Most recently, and probably the best new cannibal movie in ages, is Lowlife, which you can find on Tubi.

Anyway, uh, quick off the cuff werewolf take is that there's not really a perfect werewolf movie which in no particular order should have a bipedal werewolf with a wolf head (not human-like) and is queer. Some movies which are a mixed bag are An American Werewolf In London (great writing, terrible wolf design), The Howling series (cool werewolf design, terrible writing), Ginger Snaps 1+2 (should be queer, isn't), Wolf Cop 1+2 (okay writing, okay design, missing the queer), and Late Phases (good writing, so-so design).

Here are the three that you should watch: Dog Soldiers has peak werewolf design, a really interesting concept, and solid writing. Probably your best bang for the buck in terms of cool werewolf fighting time. Bloodthirsty is peak queer werewolf movie writing, with very little actual wolf. It's beautiful and meditative and I love it. And of course the all time greatest werewolf movie ever: Company of Wolves. More of a dreamscape painting than movie, what it lacks in wolf design it makes up in beauty and depth of psychosexual exploration.

[shootyrefutey]

Ok here's my thoughts on Shadow Generations:

What I loved:

The controls feel great. Jumping is great, boosting is too. Everything just works. And it's great.

The levels are varied and have a lot to offer. Aesthetically, they're stunning. They're twisted and packed full of detail and they so brilliantly distort. And the Doom Powers add a lot of complexity to it. Really can't wait to see some crazy speedruns.

Radical Highway in particular is quite noteworthy. Some really challenging but fair platforming that I can't wait to get good at.

The Doom Powers are good improvements to the abilities that Shadow had in 05 and 06. They serve as tools to gain speed and tools to attack, which makes it blend well into platforming. And they also managed to make them look badass and cohesive with the Black Arms aesthetic.

The hub worlds are very fun to explore. Loved being able to talk to characters and get nice dialogue.

Mephiles. I think having Mephiles and Shadow interact again was so interesting. Going through this sealed up labyrinth (probably because Mephiles and his time travelling is such a thorn in the side of the Time Eater). Hearing him be so desperate just to exist... wow. I hope that isn't the last we see of him.

Maria and Shadow's relationship was just cute.

The cutscenes were fluid, gorgeous and so expressive. When Shadow felt grief and pain, it really did show.

I just know I'm going to have fun during the process of grabbing all the collectibles.

They acknowledged Forces and made Sunset Heights so much better (this is personal to me as someone who has played more Forces than anyone should)

A lot of the concept art is things I have never seen before, so I will continue to eat it up.

What I didn't like:

There should have been a level inspired by Shadow the Hedgehog 2005. Something like Sky Troops, Circus Park, Black Comet or Digital Circuit would have been quite interesting. I could understand some hesitation because the SHtH stages aren't iconic, and the canonicity of these levels to Shadow's overall story is unclear (as the paths of SHtH are more metaphorical of Shadow's identity struggle rather than something literal). Still, I can't help but feel there was something missing.

The story just didn't hit with me in the way I hoped. None of it could really soak in because it was 4 hours long. The emotional beats of Shadow being overwhelmed with anger at Black Doom and him just longing to change the past were great themes I am glad were explored, but they just felt like moments. I think only the Mephiles part hit for me because I struggled to get the keys for a while, and I was in and out of that cave a few times. Got a little familiar with it.

There was no emphasis on DIE in 'it'll be a date to DIE for!' /j

Boss fights were cool and flashy but I doubt they'd be repayable in the long run. A lot of it was mashing a button. I think mechanically I enjoyed Metal Overlord the most, since it had the most gameplay to it.

Overall I fucking loved the game though. Maybe I need a little more time to chew on it. Probably another playthrough or two lmao. Please don't take my paragraphs the wrong way. My negatives are mostly just 'I want more', which should go to show how solid this game is.

[omegalomania]

OMGGG I'm such an urban fantasy fan pls pls continue like I'm loving it

WHY I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED. also i learned recently that my inbox is uhhhhh broken in the sense that its Just Not There on my dashboard so if you sent me asks in the past couple months i literally did not see them because the last tumblr dashboard update like, removed the little letter icon. from my dash. and idk how to bring it back lol

ANYWAY this whole au was born from me thinking a very lot about the whole aspect of so much (for) stardust and tourdust's staging where it relied on a) tangibility and b) magic imagery. like the album cover and the staging are all focused on real, actual things that one could conceivably touch (the album cover is an oil painting with glittery clay letters, the stage's props are all actual, interactable props, etc). and whats more, there's the additional "magical" element at work here: the magic 8 ball, pete's magic trick midway thru the show, the whole love from the other side mv, and so on. and because my brain is Like This, pretty soon id spun up a whole storyline out of wholecloth and now im going to make it everyone's problem i guess

ive elected to call it the magic stardust au for perhaps obvious reasons.

the magic stardust au takes place in a world that's a little bit like our own in some ways, and drastically different in others. its our world but shuffled a few degrees to the left, so to speak. for example, the state of iowa still exists - but there's a literal city in it called heaven. there's an alligator prince in this world, and he happens to be literal, as in literally an alligator who also happens to be a prince. magic is a thing here, and its so thoroughly common that no one bats an eye. it's all deeply ingrained into the fabric of reality. magic is twined through each and every soul. it's in the air, in the molecules, in the architecture, in the landscape. ancient, enchanted forests stand shoulder to shoulder with floating cities and underwater palaces and dense metropolises. magic is really just stardust in a sense, and that's just what everything else is too, so is it any wonder that stardust can act upon itself in strange and unique ways? that's all that magic is: stardust.

it always comes back to stardust.

so what happens when magic starts disappearing?

well, people don't notice at first. people don't notice because this thing, this force that's seeping in through little fissures in reality and leaching away all the strangeness in the world - it's clever about its work. it's cunning. it gets people alone and then it drowns them in itself, mercury-slick and flowing, and when it recedes...that's the scary part. not only are people losing their magic, they're also losing the memory of ever having magic in the first place. it's siphoning away the collective memory of magic. it's draining the world of all its charm and vigor and since no one can remember what it's taken once it's gone, it seems like no one can possibly stop it. no one even realizes that it's happening.

i've opted to call this force the annihilation.

(as you can probably tell, i like grabbing onto things from the #lore of the band's mythos rather than the personal stories of any of the members when it comes to devising aus. i love adapting lyrics, concepts, music video elements, and so on into stories, and grounding things into the concept surrounding the particular album or era i'm focusing on on as much as possible.)

anyhow, that's where our guys come in. or rather, that's where their stories all intersect. at the start, none of them have a whole lot of reason to interact with each other a bunch. all four of them live in the city of heaven, iowa, which as mentioned, happens to be ruled by our friend the alligator prince. stardust as an album is very preoccupied with the state of the world, voices a lot of general uncertainty and discomfort with the way things are run, and me being the way i am and having a baseline distrust of monarchy, i think the alligator prince is perhaps pretty honestly not the best at his job. his enforcers - well i'm not sure they'd strictly count as cops in this universe. but for simplicity's sake lets just call them cops and be content that they're probably not the best. corrupt, prone to favoritism, bad at their jobs. etc. this is important because it plays into how all of our guys end up getting to know one another.

hence, i introduce our four main players (featuring concept sketches i started throwing down once i realized this storytelling worm had burrowed into my head):

andy, as i've gotten into a little bit, is a rogue vigilante. he doesn't like the alligator prince. he's not keen on authority in general. he does what he does precisely because he's intent on giving people an alternative to the princes people. he's highly principled and completely unafraid to intervene with the prince's business if it means he's helping the people out. he lives alone on the outskirts of heaven, operates independently, and keeps his identity completely secret. he has a fearsome reputation in heaven but he's very well known. he's a little bit batman in that way - like, the guy's intimidating by default, but if you're in a pinch and you see him, you know he's going to help you out. and he's a hell of a lot better than a cop.

andy's magic, like everyone's in this universe, comes in two flavors: active and passive. his active magic takes the form of white lightning bolts, crackling bright energy that can shock, stun, and incapacitate in all sorts of ways. his passive magic comes from shadow, which is where his trademark hammer and massive, owl-like wings come from; they're actually solidifed shadow, and he can summon and dispel them at a thought.

(i can get into the specifics of how magic types differ if anyone wants to know details, but all you really need to know here is that everyone's got passive magic, which is their baseline, almost unconscious kind of magic, and active magic, which is the kind of magic that you have to work at. the annihilation steals both.)

joe is a freelancer. what this means is that he kind of ends up doing a lot of odd jobs based on whats being asked of him. this comes from a similar place from andy's motives - joe wants to give people an alternative to working with the prince's people. it's a job that requires wearing a lot of different hats, so to speak, so joe is a bit of a jack of all trades in that sense. joe of all trades? he's most frequently hired as a private investigator (again, an alternative to this universe's law enforcement), but he's also been called in as a bodyguard, a, uh "diplomat," and so on. he has a baseline familiarity with andy by virtue of having grown up in heaven and everyone knows about heaven's scary urban legend superhero.

joe's active magic takes the form of glowing blue knives, which he can use for aaaaall sorts of things. you can bet he uses them for every possible mundane use imaginable most of all though lmao. his passive magic is a procynoid form which, in plain language, means he can turn into a raccoon whenever he wants. because that idea from the love from the other side mv is too good to not use. said raccoon form can vary between a very ordinary-sized raccoon fella and a hulking, human-sized one. all comes down to how he feels.

pete is the sole proprietor and operator of pink seashell press, an independent news outlet. once again, this is in the interests of allowing people access to news that doesn't get filtered through the prince's people. it's a lot of hard and thankless work - pete is the only guy working this thing, so he's basically the whole staff. he's doing all the investigative reporting, writing, publishing, and distributing - but he believes in getting news out to people because it's important to get news from someone who isn't in the prince's pocket. he and joe are probably most familiar with each other since their work has a fair degree of overlap and comes from a very similar place. he's probably a big fan of andy lmao

pete's active magic takes the form of glowing green roses, which twine in thorny barbs and soft blooms alike. he can utilize them as both defensive/offensive and aesthetic/mundane purposes, which is nice! his passive magic isn't pictured in the below sketch because i hadn't yet nailed that down as an aspect of his character at the time of drawing, but it entails some partial skeletal physiology. he's got a skeletal arm and mostly skeletal abdomen. doesn't affect how he uses magic, but it grants him some invulnerability to stuff that might target internal organs that he, in part, doesn't strictly speaking have.

patrick is the odd one out here because unlike the others, he didn't grow up in or around heaven. he tends to be a bit of a wanderer, and heaven is just the place he happens to be passing through at the time. he keeps himself going with busking and gigs in small venues like cafés and bookshops as a local musician, and is incredibly cagey about his past. he's also very keen to avoid being noticed by the prince's people or authority in general. he's got the least familiarity with andy, joe, or pete, and is mostly interested in keeping his head down and making a self-sustaining little existence for himself.

this in huge part because of patrick's passive magic, which is a compelling voice. (inspired in part by the field of dreams quote that pete used to tease the upcoming stardust era, not long after the initial chicago tribune fob8 ad dropped: "but until i heard the voice, i'd never done a crazy thing in my whole life.") patrick doesn't actually have to sing for this to take effect. it can come from speaking too forcefully, making an idle suggestion, and a lot of different things. hence why patrick tends to get on people's bad side - he tries incredibly hard to keep this aspect from affecting his life, but once people pick up on this aspect of his voice, things fall apart fast. patrick's spent most of his life moving from place to place because of this. and yeah, he has no idea how much or how little he's influencing anyone at any given time. it's a complete nightmare.

his active magic is a tad more benign. it takes the shape of orange flames, which are fairly malleable and that patrick can reshape into instruments and such with a little effort.

eventually, of course, patrick does indeed get on the wrong side of heaven's authorities because of the same thing that always gets him in his trouble: that darn voice of his. this happens the same time that one of andy's jobs goes horribly wrong and he gets injured and caught. pete crosses the line one too many times, and joe just happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. the bottom line is that at this point, all four of the guys end up in heaven's jail at the same time, and that's where their stories all properly intersect.

that's when the annihilation comes for them.

it leaks in through the cracks in the walls and around the grout in the windows and it starts gathering itself up - this horrible, awful force that they can all feel and just looking at it feels wrong. it's an inky swell of star-freckled black void, like a slice of the cosmos staring at them through the bars of their shared cell. it seethes hungrily for them.

the cops run, of course. they leave their charges stuck behind bars, at the mercy of this terrifying thing that - though they don't know it - wants nothing more than to sap their magic away.

the annihilation manages to get its claws into each of them, but only briefly because fortunately, the four of them work together to take matters into their own hands. they manage to bust themselves out of the cell and get the hell out of dodge, but not before the annihilation stains each one of them with its grasping, hungry force, forever altering their appearance. the annihilation leaves a silvery, ashy blotch where it bled onto each of them:

andy gets a massive splash of it on his chest that leaks up onto his throat. joe got splashed on the right side of his body, mostly on his right ear, neck, and adjacent shoulder. pete also got hit on the left, but it mostly consumed his left eye and left leg. patrick got stained on his left hand from the wrist down.

here's a quick and dirty doodle i did to kind of depict this. it didn't come out the way i wanted to and it's not set in stone yet, but it's the general notion.

the fact that these four guys got attacked by the annihilation but crucially managed to escape it before it completely consumed them has permitted each of them an incredibly unique trait: they can understand what it wants. it didn't succeed in draining their magic, so it didn't take their memories of magic either. the annihilation made a tremendous misstep in not isolating these guys when it targeted them, because in working together, they were able to escape it.

so they are in the unique position to realize what's happening, where no one else can.

whatever this thing is, it's old. and it's powerful.

and it's very, very hungry.

and that's the cliffnotes of how these four guys have to band together to save the world before all the magic is drained away for good.

[saffronjades]

Crimson Cheeks - A Diary of Embarrassing Events

Prologue

When you wave back at somebody, only to realise they were waving at the person behind you.

When you forget somebody's name 5 seconds after being introduced.

When your stomach decides to perform an impromptu symphony during a flicker of silence.

Life is full of these moments. During which, the same feeling of embarrassment flows through us. A feeling that is quite tangible, if you'd believe it. It's a physical force - Many feelings are. I wouldn't have thought it myself either, but I've been dealing with a peculiar set of circumstances that has led me down a new path.

For the past year, since around my 22nd birthday, I've been having embarrassing moments more often than I can count. On certain days, I have what I've been referring to as "flare-ups" - Days where the universe aligns in such a way that manifests far more embarrassment than usual.

I slowly began to believe these events to be more than a coincidence - They were a curse.

Throughout this journey, you'll learn how this came to be, along with all the times I've had these flare-ups. From peeing myself, to awkward situations, and most commonly of all, being gassy.

My name is Eleanor Grace.

Welcome to Crimson Cheeks - My diary of embarrassing events.

***

Chapter 1 *"Breaking the Silence"*

Working from home has its benefits. On this particular Thursday, that really started to work out as a silver lining - I had been passing gas all morning, and into the afternoon. Mostly silent. I am not a gassy person, but on this day, my body had other plans. Holding the pressure in was painful, so I had to let it out whenever it began to brew. I was grateful that I had dodged any awkward encounter by going into the office.

I always work from home on a Thursday. Our boss doesn't care where you do the work from, so long as you're doing it. Some of us *only* work from home, but I find the physical interaction keeps my sense of urgency up. Some of us *only* go into the office, but I haven't learnt to drive yet; the 45-minute bus commute is something I'd like to minimise when possible. So, Thursday is home-day.

It was 4:56pm; Only 4 minutes left of work, if the meeting didn't make us run a little overtime. We were on the verge of scoring a potentially huge client, so a last-minute meeting had been scheduled for the end of the day. I'm only a Junior User Experience Designer - Even if we managed to get the contract to design this client's website, I wasn't going to be involved. But this was a company-wide meeting... All 17 of us. We're a small team.

For the most part, I wasn't listening to what was being said. I was too nervous for my first book club. Being an amateur writer in my free time is fun, but a surprising contrast to it is my hatred for reading. I just find it so *boring*. Of course, that makes inspiration for my own stories difficult, so I try to get myself into it. Listening to audiobooks, renting books so that I'm on a timed limit to finish it, trying books my best friend recommends - None of it seems to work. I love writing, but hate reading. My latest attempt to correct this was signing up to a local book club, just a 10-minute walk from my house.

Feeling a slight rumble in my stomach whilst the boss was talking over the policies of our potential client, I reached over and muted myself on the call. My camera was still on, so I was very careful as I leaned to one side, and...

*Ppppppptttttt*

A deep, bassy fart erupted out of me, spreading across the chair. Despite leaning to one side, I still felt the bubbles as they pushed past my cheeks. "Ah~," I sighed to myself. I had been holding it in for a good few minutes, but I couldn't keep it up. Feeling relieved, I went to unmute myself.

I'm not exactly sure which I noticed first - Everyone in the call going silent, or the microphone icon already being in the 'unmuted' state.

I felt the heat of embarrassment wash over me, my cheeks turning a scarlet shade. I froze as my heart dropped to my stomach. *Shit,* I thought to myself, *everybody heard that.*

I've never been good with embarrassing events. Even my closest friends have never heard me fart - I'm a reserved woman when it comes to my bodily functions. In that moment, sitting on that call, I wanted to fade away.

I don't know how long I sat like that, as all the virtual eyes lay upon me. Even those without their camera on, I could still feel them watching me.

My boss smiled. "Um," he goes silent for a moment and glances down, "oh, look at the time. Sorry to keep you a few minutes later, everyone."

He wrapped up the meeting fast, but time still felt frozen solid to me. I left the call as fast as I could, and sat their for a moment, replaying the deed in my head. *Maybe they thought it was chair?* I tried to convince myself. *It could have been anybody in the call. Unless my name lit up as it happened. Was it loud enough for my name to light up??* My thoughts spiralled.

The smell of my fart hit me, bringing me back to reality. I closed my laptop and stood up.

***

I left the house just 5 minutes before book club was scheduled to start. I hadn't read the book, nor could I even remember its name, but I figured they'd be understanding - I had only signed up the day prior. I simply didn't have time, but still wanted to hear how people talk about stories. It would be good research.

My main concern at that moment was being late.

Feeling a build-up of gas, I slowly pushed. A silent *fff* came out of me. At the same moment, my phone buzzed in my back pocket. At first, I thought it was just my fart, but a second buzz clued me in. Taking a look at the screen, it was a call from my best friend, Tina. She was also coming along to book club - She goes every week, and suggested I join her.

I gently chuckled to myself for thinking my butt had made the noise, and then answered the call.

"Hey Tina what's up?"

"Hey Eleanor," I could tell from her voice that it wasn't good news, "I can't come to book club today."

"What? I don't want to go alone!" I contemplated turning around and heading home. "Why can't you come?"

"It's embarrassing, but I've read the wrong book. It would be silly for me to come along."

"I haven't read the book either," I reminded her.

"You signed up not even 24 hours ago, they won't care," she reassured me, "please still go! It'll be a great chance to meet people, and discover things for your own stories. You've always wanted to write a book."

"Yeah, I know..." the apprehension in my voice was clear, "I just hope I don't embarrass myself. I already did in work."

"What happened?"

"Well, I tooted in the work meeting."

Tina burst out laughing.

"What?" I spoke defensively, "Don't laugh!"

"Eleanor, how did you manage that?? Even I haven't heard you fart," she pointed out.

"Believe me, I know," I signed, "I'm not even sure when anybody last heard me...fart."

I've never liked saying the word fart, it's gross.

"I'm going with 'today'" Tina teased.

"Ha, very funny." I felt another gas bubble forming.

"You keep having moments like this recently," Tina pointed out, "remember last week when you --"

"Yes," I interrupted her, knowing where this was going.

"When you burped loudly in --"

"YES," I said louder.

"...when you burped loudly in that restaurant and everyone stared at you..." She spoke too fast for me to interrupt her again.

"YES, Tina. Yes, I remember." Needing to pass more gas, I hurried the call along. "Anyway, I need to rush along. I'm already running late."

Tina's laugh calmed down a little, but still shook her voice as she spoke. "Alright alright, speak to you later. You're gonna be fine! Loves and kisses mwah," she always ends her phone calls like that.

I always say it back...unless I'm in public. "Bye Tina, talk soon!"

As I hung up the phone, I looked around to confirm the lack of anybody nearby. The pressure in my butt was a good indicator that this would not release silently. The sun was still shining bright, making it nearly impossible for anybody to blend in with the streets. Spotting nobody, and only seeing an empty car parked a few yards ahead, I slowed down to allow myself to properly tense my core. I leant forward ever so slightly...

*Ppppppppppppppppppptttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt*

The relief felt incredible. The 5-second-long fart made a monstrous noise. As it ended, I could gently hear an echo of it come back around. I began to walk again, passing the parked car. Only then did I notice the face inside. The reflections on the window had obscured it before, but there, next to me, was the disgusted face of a woman. She stared at me from her parked car as I walked along, pretending to have not noticed her.

I probably went red enough for her to know the truth. I could feel my cheeks becoming brighter by the second. *How is this happening?* I thought to myself. Once is bad luck, but twice is a pattern. I tried to push the thought to the back of my mind - Being nervous for book club actually helped slightly.

Very slightly.

***

The book club was held in a small community centre. The hallway was wider than I expected, but I immediately spotted a room with an open door. I walked in and took a seat.

Everybody sat in silence.

"Sorry I'm late," I explained to fill the silence. They all began to stare at me.

The silence continued.

"Should I leave? I'm sorry."

One of them pointed to a sign on the wall. "No talking."

A man next to me laughed slightly - Very quietly. He leaned in and whispered "I think you're in the wrong room. The book club is across the hall."

"Oh my god," I spoke at a normal volume - A volume far too loud for a room with a 'No Talking' sign. "I'm in the wrong room. Sorry everybody, I'm--" I stopped, realising the irony of how loud my apology was. Embarrassed, I gently smiled at the man who had helped me, and left the room.

In hindsight, I should have spotted the other door, with "Book Club" written on a sign stuck to it.

I felt my stomach rumble, but could already tell from the echoes of my steps that it would be a mistake to let anything out. The sound would be amplified for all rooms to hear, including the book club.

I knocked gently on the closed door before entering.

"Ah, Eleanor, I assume? Welcome! We were just getting started." A kind lady with a glowing face gestured an open hand to an empty chair.

I sat down in one of the many mismatched (clearly borrowed from many other rooms) chairs, between an older lady and a man about my age. The seats surrounded a circular table that was just a little too small for the amount of people.

"So, I take it you haven't quite read the book yet?" The same lady, who I assumed to be in charge, asked me.

"Not quite," I confirmed, "but I still wanted to come along to get a feel for what it's like here."

"Not a problem at all, we're happy to have you."

I felt significantly calmer. My stomach, however, did not. It gurgled loudly for a little too long - Long enough that I noticed the man next to me trying to hide a giggle. I could feel the pressure building up, waiting to release.

"My name is Susan," the lady in charge shared, "tell us a little about yourself Eleanor."

*Great,* I thought, *I hadn't come here to be the centre of attention. Not even for a second.*

"Well, my name is Eleanor, as you all know," I chuckled slightly at the not-really-even-a-joke, "I enjoy writing, drawing, and psychology. I got a job in web development as a User Experience Designer, because it combines elements of all three!"

Everyone nodded along with smiles. I felt very welcomed, don't get me wrong, but I was cautious of sharing too much. Namely, the smell potentially brewing in my guts.

"Well it's lovely to meet you. Let's get started, shall we?" The woman turned to a man who hadn't spoken yet, "Aaron, you recommended this as our next book. Tell us a little about why."

As Aaron spoke, I felt more gas making its way down. It pushed against my backdoor, the chair holding it in more than my clenching muscles at this point. I felt a tiny amount gently hiss out - I sat tighter to the chair and clenched harder to stop it.

Whilst others began to share their thoughts on the book, I could only focus on the sour smell that had just hit my nose. *Fuck, it reeks. How did that come out of me?*

I shifted gently in my chair, secretly in an attempt to waft the smell a little. Instead, a larger amount came out of me. Still silent, but smelling just as awful. The older lady next to me briefly had an offended look on her face, before quickly realising she wouldn't want to upset whoever produced that stench, and trying her best to switch back to her happy smile.

The relief already felt incredible. I could feel the pain leaving my body along with the gas. But I was filling the room with a hideous odor and I had no idea how to hide it.

I shifted again. Susan took notice this time. "Are you okay, Eleanor?"

"Yeah," I squirmed a little, trying to think of a way to discreetly relieve my stomach, "I'm just going to head to the bathroom real quick."

I realised quickly that it probably sounded like I needed a shit, but I didn't have time to be embarrassed about that. Instead, I had a far greater thing to be embarrassed about.

As I stood up, the rest came out.

*pppttt*

A small squeak at first, causing me to instinctively clench it shut. But it was too late. My body needed to get rid of this pain *fast*. Beyond my control, my body relaxed slightly.

*PppppppppppppPPPPPPTTTTTTtttttttttttttttttttttttt*

A deep, long, bassy fart forced its way out. I tried to hide it at first with a cough, thinking it would give me enough time to stop it coming out. Instead, the tension of muscles it requires to produce a cough only made it louder and more forceful. The man scooted his chair slightly away from me - As much as he could, at least, on an already cramped table.

My guts emptied what seemed like a lifetime of air. I had never, ever, broken so much wind in one go. The fart went on for what felt forever - It was probably closer to about 10 seconds.

I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel incredible. This was the type of fart that really, really gives lasting relief. I felt like I could fly - Like I had shrunk in size. This big ball of gas was free. But I didn't have time to focus on that.

"Um," I considered blaming the chair, but I knew I wouldn't ever get away with that.

"Are you feeling okay, dear?" Susan spoke with a gentle voice.

*Dear?* I thought, *You're calling me dear, now?*

I'd honestly have preferred everyone to laugh. That is somehow less embarrassing than blasting a trumpet out of your ass so loud that everyone is concerned for you.

"I'm okay," I spoke too fast for anyone to really understand me as I rushed to the door, with no real intention of coming back. I heard a few people coughing, probably at the stink bomb I had just released. I didn't care to look back. I felt sticky with sweat, as the embarrassment manifested as a tight feeling in my chest.

Making my way out of the room and closing the door behind me, I bumped into a familiar-looking man, causing him to drop his notebook.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," I bent over to pick the notebook up.

*rrt*

A very short, squeaky fart left my backside.

The man laughed, "The floorboards here are so squeaky!"

He stepped back, causing another squeak on a floorboard.

*Oh thank god, that sounded exactly like my fart. He has no idea.*

I stood up and handed his notebook back to him. As I did, I recognised him as the same man who had whispered to me in the quiet room.

"Oh, hello!"

"Hello again, loud mouth." He smiled at me. He had a cute smile. I tried to subtly wipe the sweat from my face.

"Sorry about earlier in the..."

"Meditation club," he finished my thought - I clearly didn't know what I had walked into. "And by earlier, do you mean 10 minutes ago?"

"Yeah, that sounds right," I smiled, "Are you done meditating, then?"

"I actually got kicked out for being too loud. I guess I'm the loud mouth!"

We both laughed, before simultaneously realising the door to that room was still open.

Speaking quieter now, the man continued, "I'm Alex, by the way. Alex Fox."

He stuck his hand out to shake mine.

"I'm Eleanor Grace," I shook his hand back, "Do people often tell you you're sly?"

*Shit, what a dumb joke. Why did I say that?*

He chuckled. "Yes, yes. I've heard that one before."

A slight awkward silence washed over me as I felt more pressure in my stomach. Already.

"Well, it was lovely to meet you, Alex."

"Lovely to meet you, too, Eleanor. Take care."

I left the community centre, allowing the fart to come out as soon as the main door had closed.

*pppppppprrrrrrttttt*

It felt good to finally release one in private.

***

As I got home, before unlocking my door, I thought I saw a tall figure. At the end of the street, watching me.

I blinked, and it was gone.

*My imagination is running wild after this eventful day,* I thought.

If only my thoughts were right.

[robo-bat]

2025 Media: Final Fantasy 1 - Pixel Remaster

I'm once again keeping track of media I've consumed this year which is usually contained to just a pinned twitter thread, but this time around I wanna share my thoughts while playing and overall experience in a more extended format. So first things first, Final Fantasy 1!

The first time I played Final Fantasy 1 was on my cousin's original NES cartridge. I was young and didn't have a ton of experience with turn based RPGs and after just going in with the starting team I proceeded to die continuously and didn't really make it past the initial introduction, but had fun. Fast forward some years and I got the FF1+2 collection on GBA, wherein I finally experience both titles all the way through. I've had a soft spot for FF1 in particular for a long time because it has such a charming atmosphere and vibe that just really works with me. It's a simple adventure with a lot of heart and despite your characters not talking for themselves they feel like a passionate bunch on their way to help the world and try their best along the way.

I finally picked up the Pixel Remaster physical edition last year but put off playing them until I had some downtime between other major games and after finishing up a couple others decided to sit down with some good 'ol FF1. The first thing that blew me away was the music. The orchestrated soundtrack is something I didn't realize my ears so desperately craved. Final Fantasy is filled to the brim with iconic songs through and through but I can't deny the first game in particular just hits in a lot of ways cause it's where so many iconic themes originated. I swapped back and fourth a few times but mostly stuck with the orchestrated renditions cause my ears were just unbelievably enamored.

Since I wanted to still have a life and keep the playthrough pretty casual I played with increased money and exp to cut down on any grinding. I occasionally turned off enemy encounters if I was getting a little too strong or was tired of encounters while running into my fifteenth dead end because I have none of these dungeon maps memorized to save my life. These features are one of those things that really made the experience better overall cause it's just nice to pick and choose when i want things to be easier or more difficult along the way. Especially cause I wanna replay FF2 again at some point and turning off enemies will be a godsend

I feel like at the Pixel Remaster's initial launch I remember a lot of chatter about the new character sprite work. Although that may have been mostly aimed at FF6 in particular, I was personally really happy with how the characters looked. Especially once they got class upgrades I thought they looked phenomenal.

Overall I think I enjoyed this playthrough more than the one I'd done in the past because I got to experience a lot more of the game than I had before. As a young teen playing it on GBA I didn't do all it had to offer and definitely skipped over a lot of things I didn't realize existed. This time around I basically did everything there was to do (outside of hunting warmech but that could have taken hours so I made a realistic call) and I fell more in love with the world than I ever have been before.

I think at the very end the thing that touched me the most was a very simple line:

"With the memory of their struggle buried deep in their hearts, they will quietly watch over our world."

A strong sentence that speaks volumes for a game with silent protagonists. A line that encapsulates so many RPGs to come, and so many forms of media that came before it and inspired Final Fantasy as well. The hero's journey to save the world isn't one that is always filled with fanfare and celebration. It can simply be given a quiet reminder that heroes will arise when needed to aid those around them, and continue to play their part long after their work is done.

I'm so thankful to have replayed this beautiful journey, which pleasantly surprised me for how heartfelt it still is after all these years.

Overall ranking: Game good, someday I'll go back and do a solo class challenge run.

[niuttuc]

Modern Horizons 3 hasn't been out long enough for me to have a fully crystallized opinion on it yet, but let's give the feedback I can now.

First, the set has way less generic staples at mythic than the previous modern horizon set. THIS IS A GOOD THING. Instead, it has plenty of tools across rarities that power up specific archetypes. While its rates are generally higher than anything else, it still felt like a more balanced addition to formats than MH2. The Eldrazi and Energy themes feel like they give this modern horizons set more of an identity than previous modern horizons sets, which is a good thing.

Secondly, this point was repeated again and again, but it still feels weird to have new non-Modern legal Modern Horizons Commander cards. I understand why, but if you're gonna do that, drop the Modern part of it, and release, I don't know, standalone Horizon Premium Commander decks.

Third, Nadu is unacceptable design. I know designers need to take risks, but Nadu had SO MANY knobs that could have been tweaked to rein it in into an almost fair card, and none of them were used. The "twice per turn" almost felt like something was tried, but multiplying it on all your creatures makes it irrelevant. If it was merely too strong, it would be one thing, but the play patterns it encourages are deeply unfun and time consuming with non-deterministic, step by step combos that take minutes if not tens of minutes to play through. It is a miserable card to play against in every format it touches, even moreso than an Uro.

Fourth, as usual with modern horizons sets, a LOT of fun individual designs that find homes! The new MDFC lands in particular are very welcome and the fact they can enter untapped at uncommon when it was reserved to Mythics in Zendikar rising is welcome. The cycle of dual color tapped ones is also neat.

Fifth, it's weird that every color got an iconic reserved list card remade and rebalanced as an Energy card... Except white? What happened there? Was the cycle not intentional?

Sixth, I generally liked the picks of reprints into modern this time around. Still waiting for bated breath for Veteran Explorer in Modern, but I imagine it's been attempted in the past at this point.

Finally, on treatments, didn't much like the colorless old border treatment on eldrazis myself. I'm not the biggest fan of old border in general, it works great with some arts, but the colorless one feels like the gold one in my book, it just looks bad.

Feedback on Modern Horizons III

I’m about to write this year’s “State of Design” article, and I’m interested on your feedback of Modern Horizons III. What did you like? What did you not like? Tell me all your thoughts. 

[themasquemacabre]

Starter for @schattenmagier || Closed

     The road from Bowerstone to Brightwall was a well-traveled one, especially in the summer months when the snow and ice in the valley had melted away to reveal the stunning flowers and wind-swept grasses. Between students seeking a higher education at the Academy, Dweller caravans making their seasonal moves, traveling merchants carting wagons full of goods to and fro, and the occasional rich man seeking a sabbatical in the countryside, it was a wonder that the roads weren’t chock full of people 24/7. On this mid-morning, however, as the lone teacher made his way up the dirt path, the way seemed to be blissfully clear.      Xiro took in a big breath of fresh air, basking in its crisp fragrance. In all his years as the Jack of Blades, he never once thought he would come to appreciate the quiet peace he’d found here in Mistpeak Valley. And yet here he was, all these years later, marveling at nature’s beauty.       Much to his annoyance, that peace was soon interrupted by a shout from the woods. Bandits. Of course. The summer meant more of them, too. More cries from the tree line. He could never enjoy a moment alone, it seemed.      “People, people, always too many people!” he grumbled, stalking towards the forest’s edge. Might as well see what was happening. It’d give him an opportunity to bloody his blade, if nothing else. 

[cobra-creampuff]

I got a question a long time ago from I don't remember who about how I made sure the witch noir power types (which are inspired by cultural folklore) were not offensive or appropriative, and I think my answer was probably pretty dismissive, so I decided to give some actual examples of the ones I still remember and my process for coming up with them.

First off, remember that folklore is not synonymous with religion or spiritual practices. So that already makes taking inspiration from there much less delicate of a thing to do. To give a comparative example before we get into the process examples: say I wanted to make a power in this fashion inspired by North American Native culture. I would use "land stewardship" or something similar as my jumping off point, NOT something like the w*ndigo. The difference between those things is significant, and I think pretty clear?

I also think a big part of this system that makes it not insensitive is that none of the powers (and therefore none of the - obliquely - referenced cultures) are exoticized. What I mean by that is that power type isn't determined by skin color or religion, and every power type is equally special and mundane to each other (aside from the oppressed group of types, which are primarily based in my own cultures anyway just because those are what the main characters have and in this particular work the main characters are tangentially representing me). There's no Magical Brown Guy or whatever that trope is called. inversely, neither are any of the white people inspired power types portrayed as being more "civilized" or otherwise more inherently Good™ in any way.

Now for some actual inspirations I took, the witch types they ended up being, and how I got there.

1. spin the globe, pick a people. okay, Slavic. get more specific. Romania. take it back now y'all. Transylvania. so obviously vampires then. what are vampire "powers". hypnotism. what's the basic concept of hypnotism. control of perception. apply some limits. only works on relative strangers. word associate to name it. first impressions -> impressionist. no that's already a widely recognizable word in the language I'm writing in. well they can make people trust them on sight, kind of like how some baby animals imprint on the first thing they see. experiment with suffixes until it sounds good. google that to make sure it's not already something. viola, the Imprintor witch type.

2. pick a people. Asian. get more specific. Chinese. what's one of the most iconic Chinese artifacts (is that the right word?). the Great Wall. what was its purpose. to protect the border. a protective barrier. how can I make that into a power. warding is already a type of magic. make it unique using characteristics of the Wall. it was made with extraordinary physical labor. for this power wards must be connected and maintained by the caster through a physical part of them left behind. now name it. protector -> guard -> the Guardian witch type.

3. pick a people. European. get more specific. Italian. what have they got. da Vinci -> no ideas. Vatican City -> Catholicism -> I'm not into that. what's a culturally-based quirk Italians are known for? superstition. how can I turn that into a power type. someone in the presence of whom superstitions become true. apply limitations because holy shit lol. now name it. superstitionist? no that's too on the nose. something to do with omens. behold, the Augur witch type.

4. pick a people. central American. get more specific. Mexican. what's a frequent theme in Mexican art? death -> dia de los muertos -> communication and visitation from the spiritual world. that doesn't really need any finagling. name it. look up a list of things people who can talk to spirits are called. pick one -> the Medium witch type.

5. pick a people. Irish. first thought is of course fairies. no, fairies are their own thing. second thought: "luck of the Irish" -> bad luck. how can I turn that into a power. someone who can inflict bad luck on people. add good luck and some other easily associated things like grace/clumsiness to round it out and get it on the level of the other power types (and make sure no type can only be villainous - or heroic for that matter). name it. it's based on what amounts to a cheeky little curse. a hex -> the Hexist witch type.

I also reverse engineered... well, at least one.

pick a people. European again. get more specific. Greek. gosh they sure have a lot of statues of gods and heroes. idols, you might say. what would the powers of an Idol be? well idols are worshipped, so someone who can make you worship them. include an opposite effect to round it out like with the Hexist. apply some specificity and limitations, and make it more morally neutral. an Idol is someone who can extreme-ify emotions in other, as to turn like into love and annoyance into hate.

In the name of full disclosure, I did have a few types initially that I later decided either toed the line of appropriation or learned used words or traditions that were not meant to be shared, and I either got rid of them or adjusted them until they were distant enough from the starting point - or could just as easily be gotten through the same process from a different starting point - that I didn't feel it was necessarily connected anymore.

Again to compare, unlike say Joker who transposed the names and images of real Native American spiritual figures in her fundamentally British Christian boarding school fantasy, I first of all did not use specific figures or practices, nor anything expressly religious (other than, again, my own), and also only used the folklore/motif/symbol/characteristic/idiom/philosophy/geography/etc as a jumping off point rather than lifting it wholesale. The power types I made are in fact power types that I made, and only use things as a basis that are broad or nebulous enough in nature that they can't really be stolen or misrepresented.

So that's why I'm, as I said in my more dismissive answer, "not that worried about it". Does that make sense, whoever asked several months ago...?

(not tagging witch noir taglist atm because I'm on mobile and that's an absolute hassle. will do later. if I remember. I will tag @athena-anna-rose right now tho, since I remember you briefly struggling a while ago with making a magic system. idk if you still need that or if this kind of structure is at all relevant to what you're going for, but just in case lol.)

[sirthisisa-wendys]

The Enforcers: Part 6 (Geto Suguru x Fem!Reader)

wc: 1.5k

tw: none

masterlist

The steady burst of snow is burning your hands.

You're frozen to the bones. And all you can hear is the chattering of your teeth as you drag the limp body of your Leviathan down the shambles of a road that once led you to freedom, to success.

Your eyes snap open as you pull yourself out of the nightmare, clutching at your shaking form underneath the sheets. You stretch your arm out behind you to feel for the man you gave yourself to the night before but find nothing but empty space.

Had you imagined the whole thing?

The grey sheets are tucked so neatly around you, and the nightstand is devoid of any of your trinkets that you know you're not in your own room. Something clatters in the kitchen, and you hear Suguru curse, making you get up and toss off the sheets. Before your hand reaches for the doorknob, you notice your lack of clothing and grab the bathrobe hanging from a hook by the door. You tie the massive cotton item around yourself and fling the door open, not bothering to fix your hair before walking into the living room.

Before you can peek into the kitchen, a pair of blue eyes catch your visage and looks twice before a smile spreads across Gojo's face.

"Aw, shit. Yuki said you were wasted, but I didn't think-- I knew you had it in you, Su, but damn..."

Suguru appears a second later, wiping his hands on a dishtowel and catching you in his bathrobe, standing in shock in the living room. "Oh, y/n," he murmurs, and pushes his bangs out of his face. "Did I wake you? I'm sorry about the noise; I was trying to cook breakfast."

"No, it's okay," you whisper, and he gives you a lopsided smile, eyes roving over your figure clad in his bathrobe.

"Looks good on you."

"Yo, can you quit flirting and hurry up? I have to brief you two on your next mission before Toji tries to beat me to the pool hall."

"Right," you sit across from Gojo on the couch, and Suguru turns off the stove to sit next to you. You notice he isn't timid in front of Satoru, placing his arm around the couch behind you. Gojo notices this and says nothing, instead choosing to thump the file in his hands onto the table. You reach for it, then open the black folder, noting the heavy redaction on many of the pages.

"This might be your biggest one yet," Gojo states, leaning forward. "You're going to be recovering some evidence needed in our search for Kenjaku."

Kenjaku. The most elusive man in the entire CSB. Known for blowing covers of CSB Kitsune, organizing massive Leviathan casualties on staged recon missions, and relentlessly terrorizing the Grand Council with threats of bringing the CSB to its knees.

Your palms begin to sweat, and Suguru takes the file from your hands, letting you lace your fingers together to stop them from shaking.

"How do we know this isn't a setup?" Suguru wonders and then looks up from the folder. "And why is y/n coming with us? This is normally Leviathan work."

"Y/n is going in as a scout. But you'll be with her, along with four other high-level ops teams. It'll be presented as a routine inspection of the systems, but you two will orchestrate the recovery. The other four teams will assist with entry and extraction."

"And what kind of evidence is this?"

"Files." Your mind flashes to the files sitting in the trash on your desktop, and you inhale deeply. "Files from a computer linked to a DDOS attack from his base. You'll be going in and retrieving them with a thumb drive." The thumb drive is slapped onto the table, the silver color shining in the light of the living room.

"When do we leave?" you wonder, and Gojo smiles, showing all of his teeth.

"In twelve hours, right as everyone is getting off. The building will need to be empty when you two go in to prevent any suspicions or reports back to Kenjaku."

"Got it."

_____________________________________________________________

Geto drives you to the rendezvous, wearing an all-black outfit and glasses that he keeps fiddling with nervously. His tattoos are covered up, but that doesn't make him look any less intimidating.

Again, he's a "security officer". Well, one without a gun, which is probably why he's fiddling with his fake glasses so much.

You consider your cover - Information Technology Officer - and look down at your outfit again. Your dress pants and frilly white blouse look the part, but you don't feel the part.

"This is too easy," you mention, and Suguru glances over at you.

"I was just thinking the same thing."

"So I just go into this room, find the computer, and plug in the thumb drive?"

"You have to locate the one--"

"Row Eleven, computer eighteen."

"You're too good at this," Suguru laughs, and you chuckle, looking out of the window. The massive building looms ahead, and you feel your gut twist painfully. As you pull into the parking garage, you watch for the first set of teams to assist with entry. They'd be disguised as guards that will lead you into the building and up to the room, and then two sets of guards would come to get you and lead you out, taking the thumb drive with them as they depart.

But why so many people? Weren't you and Suguru enough to get in and get out with the evidence?

You step out of the car after Suguru parks, and when you get to the front of the building, you see the first set of guards. They open the doors to the main floor, where people are still milling about and wrapping up for the day. Next, you're walked to the elevators, where one of the guards swipes a keycard, his eyes looking everywhere but at you and Suguru as he presses the up button. His partner stands closely behind you two, but you consider the ultra level of security a comfort.

Suguru, however, is not so thrilled.

"Can you back the fuck up?" he turns and asks the woman behind you, who steps back at the forcefulness of his tone. You look up at him and notice a deep frown line set into his brows as you walk onto the elevator, unaccompanied. Suguru punches the "7" button with his knuckle and stands stiffly as the doors close on the two security guards below.

"Everything's going to be fine," you reassure him, taking his hand and squeezing it. "You'll see." He grunts in response as the elevator grinds to a halt, and the automated voice announces, "Floor Seven". The second set of guards meets you right outside of the elevators, one taking the lead while the other walks behind you as you walk past a row of frosted glass doors. A key card is swiped again, and you go past a wooden door that has no windows before walking down a less inviting hallway.

Row eleven, computer eighteen.

The guard in front opens a door leading to the computer room, and you're met with a fierce blue glow from the dormant screens.

"Ten minutes," Suguru advises you, and you walk past him, nodding.

"Give me seven."

You count the rows from the back of the room and find the eleventh row easily, then down the long path to computer eighteen. When you sit down at the screen, your fingers quickly type in the password: TOUR-DOZE-KURD.

You take the thumb drive out of your pocket and wait for the program files to load, searching through each and every one with lightning speed.

"If I was a suspicious file... where would I be..." You open the TEMP files and instantly find a massive .zip file just out in the open. You open the ZIP extractor and wait for the files to pop up, sticking the thumb drive into the computer and inhaling before the "finished" notification pops up.

However, when the files open, your eye catches on one, in particular, making your heart stop.

Release to Y/n on (unknown date and time).

Two and a half minutes left on the clock.

You drag the extracted files to the thumb drive icon, but you click on the folder addressed to you while they're downloading.

And you discover the same videos, the same audio files, the same documents that were dropped onto your computer. Yet, all you can hear is the rushing sound of blood in your ears as you click out and look at the other files, hundreds of names and release times labeled on files.

Two other names catch your eye, and you balk, fearing the worst if you open them:

Geto Suguru. (released).

Yu Haibara. (do not release).

Once the files finish transferring with only a minute to spare, you snatch the stick out of the computer and leap up, shutting the device down before rushing out of the room.

"Suguru, there's something very wro--" You stop in your tracks as you see two men dressed in grey Kitsune uniforms standing across from Suguru, their guns pointed at the two of you. Suguru's hands are raised, and you shakily inhale, feeling the thumb drive growing hot in your pocket.

"I know, baby," he whispers, eyes focused on the men blocking your exit down the hallway. "Looks like we've been set up."

_____________________________________________________________

TAGLIST: @missbonekitty @wack0-genius @thankuary @jsqeeut @r-i-m-f-009 @sunfloweroranges @leanne-tamashi @girlruby23@rein-icu @brownskinnedgirll @chanelmalandro @savantsoulfinder @jibe-gajima @chilledlucifer @amnxsia @kontentious @fuyuko26 @everybodylovescayrayray @flare-on

[wolfpants]

Top 5 things that make you feel nostalgic (for a specific reason or none at all!) <3

This is SUCH an interesting one and one that I had to think about for a while, because I could have been really vague here and said "music" or "places"! But I wanted to dive a bit deeper and talk about specific things that bring up my own sense of nostalgia.

I am a very nostalgic person. I think about the past a lot. It's not just an age thing, I don't think - it's something that I've been interested in since long before I was able to develop my own sense of personal nostalgia. I've always had a fascination with things "from the past". Whether it's my deep seated interest in world history (in particular, cultural history) or retro/vintage aesthetics, I've always felt a little wistful for things and timelines that I haven't necessarily been a part of. Which is a bit weird. But, that's just me.

But I'm going to go down the personal nostalgia route here and pick out 5 random bits of pop culture that make me feel nostalgic. Because I often tie pop culture back to a feeling, or mood; I am a keen consumer of it. You all know how much I love music, and films, etc - they all play quite a significant role in bringing forth a certain feeling or mood for me.

So without further ado...

An album - There Is Nothing Left to Lose by the Foo Fighters. This album came out when I was 14 and I was moving on from just listening to what my dad played to picking out music I liked. You all probably know about my Dave Grohl obsession by now. This is where it started. I was too young to fully appreciate Nirvana when they were around and my dad was never a fan (his music is very much steeped in the 70s and early 80s), so the Foos were kind of my in to Dave's work as well as his influences. I got into the Melvins because of him, Mudhoney, Pixies, etc.

A film - The Mummy. My dad and I went to see this - again when I was 14! - and I have so many memories of being absolutely enamoured by it. I can still smell the popcorn from that day, and feel the excitement I felt as the film started up. And I was right to because it's a total banger. 1999 was a fucking great year for film, too. I watched so many films that year that had such a profound influence on me as a teenager: The Matrix, American Beauty, Jawbreaker, Cruel Intentions, Exitenz, Fight Club, Sleepy Hollow!

A TV show - Stranger Things. So obviously this is a newer one, but there's so much in it that makes me feel nostalgic. Hanging out with my friends playing roleplaying games. Riding our bikes through the suburbs. That wistful feeling I always get when I consume a piece of 80s or 80s inspired pop culture (especially if it's set in the US for some reason) that so makes me ache to have been young during that decade (well, I was young, but like... baby young!).

An icon - David Attenborough. I grew up watching and listening to this man. I once stood a few metres away from him at an event and nearly had a meltdown from the proximity (but a quiet one!). Whenever I hear his voice, I think about quiet Sundays with my parents, I think about down time at home after a hard day at work when I was living in the city. I think about the natural world, in general, and how much it's been through and how much we as a species put it through.

Radio - Adam and Joe. God how I miss these two as a duo. I used to listen to their 6 Music podcast obsessively and could quote a million things from it. I was eyeball deep in A&J when I was a student, so it reminds me of bus rides to lecture halls and trying to stifle my laughter in public. Comedy is a big thing for me, and A&J have had a big role in shaping my sense of humour.

Ask game - ask me my top 5 anything!

[booksandlewks]

Intensity in Insmire | A Jurdan AU

Happy Holidays to my wonderful knife wife @starborn-faerie-queen!! I’m so lucky to have you as my friend and now snusband (we’re def married now) <3 I was so excited to see that I got to try and write something for you. I also have to thank everybody in the @jurdannet discord for helping me with my writer’s anxiety throughout, and @jurdannetrevels for hosting this secret santa event! 

So this was a prompt you didn’t ask for, but that I hope you will like. I thought of this right when I saw your name and have had a blast making it a reality. One of our first conversations in the discord was about none other than Lauren Layne, so I thought I’d give it my best go at making it Jurdan. I picked what I think of as the iconic scene in Passion on Park Avenue because Jude and Cardan literally define passion. You also put Nicaryn, so in my head when I wrote this they’re already dating and Jude just hasn’t noticed. 

"Be careful, you're going to drop that!" Jude said watching her twin throw down yet another box full of her merchandise.

 It was times like these that Jude wondered about her choice in friends. Not that she had so many choices in friends to begin with, something about her being "abrasive". People may not always appreciate her edges, but that edge is what landed her on the 30 under 30 list. She was grateful, if not confused, about her new-found friendships. While the ladies made for excellent company, and fellow schemers in action, a moving company they were not. Not that Jude would say a word against their help out loud. She was still so grateful to have her twin back in her life.

Jude would thank Locke for bringing them together, if she'd thought it was even remotely a part of his plan. Maybe she could thank him for dying, so that they could find each other in the park that fateful day. Not likely, she had better people to think on.

Nicasia kicked a box into the corner with the toe of her Louboutin heels, "You worry too much, they're not going to break because I didn't gingerly place every single one of your hundreds of boxes down."

"I'm not worried about you breaking an accessory," Jude said huffing as she moved to open the box Nicasia had kicked to prove a point. She held up the lipstick tube, twisting to expose the blade to prove her point. "I'm worried about one of my accessories breaking you."

"Oh, I like that," Taryn laughed, her eyes widening, "Can I borrow that for my next date?"

"Well, it is just a sample," Jude nodded her head to the truck parked outside her new building, "You can keep it if you help me unload the rest of the truck." 

"You drive a tough bargain, a days labor in exchange for one accessory?" Nicasia teased.

Jude put one hand to her heart and the other to her forehead dramatically, "Oh you're truly suffering going up and down the elevator while carrying small boxes."

"These boots were not exactly made for walking Jude," Nicasia said flicking her hair over her shoulder, and punctuating it with an all too casual check of her nails. Why she wouldn't just concede to putting her hair up was beyond frustrating to Jude. She wasn't sure if she hated or respected Nicasia's commitment to always looking perfect.

 "I mean I didn't get to where I was by giving things away for free, but I may have also ordered us pizza and tiramisu from the Italian place on Lexington Ave."

 "Ahh I knew you were my favorite twin!" Taryn said wrapping her arms around Jude and kissing her cheek with an exaggerated smack.

 "I'm your only twin, and you definitely did not know it."

 "The real question isn't why I can't move things in these heels, it's why you think I should be doing this in the first place," Nicasia said glancing speculatively.

 "Wait, yeah, aren't you meant to be rich now Jude?"

"Well, according to my accountant, approximately I am," Jude tilted her head and pretended to tally with her free hand, "filthy rich." She moved the box that had been hoisted on her hip onto the floor of what would be the main living area.

Jude wasn't insane, the larger items like the couch and industrial garment racks would be delivered by a moving company later. She just knew that she could handle the smaller boxes herself. She'd always survived by being self-sufficient, so she wasn't going to start changing what was working now. She'd moved herself into her first shoe box apartment, all her belongings compact and loaded into the back of her ancient little two door.

 "Then why on earth are we moving all of this by hand?" Taryn said turning to her sister, exasperated to see the determination gracing her twin's face. She hated that look, especially when it was on the face that was practically her own under all that stubbornness. "Nic, I need backup here, we're entering dangerously uncharted areas in stupidity. "

 "Jude, love, remember when we agreed to stop each other from entering another toxic relationship?" Nicasia said gently, her hands up as if coaxing a small animal.

 "No, I've blocked out the entirety of Locke's funeral out of a sense of self-preservation," she said voice and face purposefully blank.

 "Why stop there, why not erase him from your entire mind?" Taryn said a bitter edge to her words.  

 Jude laughed, "Me and my therapist are hard at work doing just that."

 "Well while you're working on that, have her work on the toxic relationship you've got with your stupid pride," Nicasia said checking her already perfect nails.

 "Wait, was all of that just the set up for the punchline to your dumb joke?"

 "Woah Tar, harsh words from the woman who asked for my backup in the first place." Nicasia pursed her lips clearly displeased that Taryn had not enjoyed her attempts at humor. "Maybe you should try being nicer to me considering that I have the power to save you from Jude's torture."

 Jude laughed as Taryn started to pester Nicasia to tell her what she meant. While they'd all become fast friends on the fateful day of the funeral, Jude couldn't help but feel that Nicasia and her twin had gotten closer over the summer. She supposed it had to do with the fact that they both had to worry about their reputations and what the fallout from Locke's infidelity would do to it.

That old wound started niggling at Jude again. She may not have been in an official New York society relationship with the man, but she'd had to mourn the loss too. She supposed it hadn't affected her societal standing, being Locke's dirty secret, but she hadn't gotten out unscathed. The bastard had known about her fears. She'd confided in him, about her mother's cheating and how she'd grown up not wanting to get attached for fear of ending up in a similarly messed up situation.

 He'd comforted her, talking about how cheating on somebody wasn't in her character. He'd spelled out what their story could be instead, spinning a story of comfort, safety in his arms, and safety in that future. It made Jude's skin crawl to think about now. How he could say all of this while cheating on her with Nicasia and Taryn, and using her to cheat on them. Some nights it actually made her physically ill. She was such a careful woman, and yet she'd never suspected.

 She wondered if lying to her was part of the game to him, it had to be. Jude thought about how she'd considered bridging the gap and calling Taryn to tell her that she'd met somebody. She'd been too scared to reopen that wound. At eighteen Jude walked away from the stifling role of being Madoc's daughter. She hadn't thought about what leaving Taryn behind to deal Madoc's only other eligible daughter would do. She left her behind for him to put all of his stupid high society rules and dreams into. She'd wondered about her twin over the years, but could never pick up the phone and just dial. What would things be like if she had? Thinking about it wouldn't change anything.

 During Jude's musings Taryn had moved into Nicasia's lap and was switching between pleading and apologizing. Her groveling was so over the top that a warm spot bloomed in Jude's chest while watching her. She had no idea how much she'd missed Taryn, and yet having her take up space in her apartment just felt right.

 "Okay, okay, fine!" Nicasia said standing up and taking Taryn with her. "I happen to have a friend through the New York royalty network, as you call it, and he lives in this very apartment complex."

 "Oh thank god, I love you Judie Bee Jones, but this is the worst."

 "Woah no, I never agreed to having anybody over," Jude said walking over to lock her door, "and wasn't the point of having you ladies around to avoid the assholes."

 "How can you call them an asshole when you don’t even know who it is?" Nicasia asked unlocking the door. Jude went to stop her, but Taryn simply took her face in her hands and pointed it towards the window where the open moving truck stood idle.

 "I promise he's good people, we grew up together," Nicasia said clearly forgetting that her and Jude had not exactly grown up as friends.

Jude did not have much of a chance to consider who might be coming to the rescue she did not need, as there was a knocking at the door.

The warmth she felt from being with her friends left her the second she opened the door and saw Cardan Greenbriar standing there. She'd never seen Cardan look anything less than impeccable, so she was even more furious to see him standing there looking like a Saks Fifth Avenue model from the catalog to help her move. A cable knit sweater, really, to move boxes. With an overcoat no less. No, no, this couldn't possibly be happening. Jude would rather move every single box one by one, than have Cardan Greenbriar help her.

What on earth could have even possessed him to try. She thought she'd made it clear when she'd damn near bitten his head off in her "entry interview" to the apartment complex. It wasn't her fault. Cardan had a particular way of getting under her skin, and the fact that he'd known her from her twin and had not even bothered to look at the application resting in his hand the entire interview had gotten her blood boiling. She'd never actually wanted to live in Elfhame.

The stupid application had been filled out for her and sent in by her mother ages ago. Eva Duarte had been so proud of Jude's success, it had never occurred to her that her mother had plans to use it as a statement. She'd miss her mother's mean streak, and wished she'd been around longer so Jude could understand this plan. Jude had been shocked to be called in for the interview to move into The Palace, and caught completely off guard to see Cardan on the day of the interview.  

 She must've released an actual snarl at seeing him darkening her new doorstep because Taryn and Nicasia pried her away from the door and invited him to come in. This was ridiculous ; she was not a rabid dog to be put in the corner. Although, she was considering biting Cardan.

 "And hello to you too Jude," Cardan said laughing as she struggled to break free of the grip of her friends, "Lovely as ever to see you."

"Why am I seeing you?" 

Cardan raised an eyebrow at that, "Not a very friendly greeting neighbor."

"I read over the paperwork your father sent over and it said that the building takes care of pests in the apartments."

 "Ha ha, very funny Jude," Cardan said stalking closer, "I do hope that's true, as I'd love to see them take you out of here."

 "Really, we're going to resort to I know you are but what am I?" Jude intoned, "On day one?"

 “Is this really our first day together, Judiebeet?"

 "Don't call me that!"

 "As much as I do love seeing you upset my sweet villain," he said trailing a finger over her cheeks, "I didn't come to pick a fight." Jude knew her cheeks had to be bright red, she always got flushed when she was mad. She hated that he had command over her, more than she appeared to have over her own body. Which only made her more upset when he called her that stupid name.

"Why did you come, I had demon summoning scheduled for later in the day," Jude said ignoring the looks Nicasia and Taryn were shooting her.

 "I was informed of a damsel in distress, and princely duties demanded that I come to your aid."

"Oh no, that's it," Jude turned on her friends glaring, and pointing at the door while practically shoving Cardan out, "Everybody out, I'll move them all myself."

 "Wait, but I brought champagne," Cardan said materializing a bottle from the inside of his coat. 

"Jude you can't kick the man out, he brought Dom," Taryn said pulling Cardan back into the apartment by his arm. Jude watched as he re-entered what was meant to be her space, unwilling to fight with Taryn.

"Fine, but if he's here he works," Jude said looking at Cardan as if to say 'unless you've got a problem with that.' The Cardan she knew would never deign to do a day's labor on his own. Always calling somebody his father employed to do things for him instead. So Jude was shocked when all he did was set the actually quite nice bottle on the counter, and gesture his hand towards the door with a look that said 'after you'.

Jude was not sure if she was pleased or pissed off when Cardan actually matched her for work ethic for the rest of moving. He eventually took off the coat, and the sweater, tossing them on the counter with his welcome gift. Jude wished he had not, as she'd been determined to carry more than him before that. She would have managed it too, if he had not rolled up his white dress shirt to the direct center of his forearm. Where it hugged just below his elbow as he worked.

She dropped one of her merchandise boxes when his arm brushed hers while reaching for another, shocked by the contact of his skin hot against her own. Furious with herself for the look that graced his face when she cursed and picked up the box, she decided to be less ambitious with how much she carried.

They had not actually had all that many boxes left. Which made it all the more traitorous that Nicasia had called in for help. As the work dwindled Nicasia and Taryn gave up the pretense of pretending to want to help move the boxes, and sat on the benches that were near the building's entrance. They sat close talking and laughing quietly at each others jokes. Jude could be funny too, but her humor was more dry and wicked. Just as Jude was sprinting to get the very last box, the pizza delivery driver had pulled up to the curb. 

Taryn had gone from commiserating with Nicasia, to giving Jude puppy eyes in 10 seconds flat. Jude laughed softly as she went to go pay the man. Her path was blocked by Cardan who'd made a beeline for the car as it pulled in, while she'd been distracted. If she hadn't been so focused on his damn arms she might have missed how he went to get his wallet from his back pocket. Hell no.

Jude stood one shot at having Taryn and Nicasia not mention her attitude since Cardan walked in, and that was to buy their silence. Nothing says be on my side like hot pizza and good dessert. Which is why she was going to pay for it. Cardan was already handing the man a crisp bill when Jude went to shift the box she'd been holding to under one arm. God, she hated him so much. She'd already missed out on getting to bond with her friends over how annoying moving was because of him, and now he was going to ruin their meal too?

He'd already ruined Jude's childhood, but she was an adult now, and he would not even get a single day from her. She grabbed the boxes of her food and walked to the elevator clicking the button for her floor and slamming on the door close button before he could follow. She walked into her apartment, and she would've locked Cardan out if it not for the fact she had to wait on Taryn and Nicasia to follow. If she had to face him again today, it was going to be on her terms and her rules.

 Jude moved to the boxes now all neatly lined up in what would be her living room. She scanned the barcode stickers on the top of the boxes, each item had been carefully cataloged so that she could be sure that she didn't lose anything important in the move. Downsides to owning and running a successful companies that sold accessories with a dangerous edge? There was so much inventory to keep track of.

 She found what she was looking for and swapped her sneakers for stilettos. She'd love to see Cardan try to look down on her when they were eye level. She'd give a new meaning to the term glaring daggers. She was perfectly capable of paying for a damn pizza.

The door of her apartment opened and Cardan strolled in, his arm around each of her friends. Jude let out a breath that his shirt had been set back to normal, although she was not sure if she was relieved.

 "Really, my own twin?" she said putting a hand on her hip and looking at Taryn who moved, hands up, to sit on the counter top.

"Jude, he got us pizza, please be reasonable," Taryn said in a placatory tone.

 "I got you pizza, this interloper just stole it because pizza is joy, and he can't let me have it."

"You need to stop, you're hangry and turning into rude Jude," Nicasia teased using the family nickname she knew Jude hated. That was just low, she'd revealed that in a 2 A.M. group chat. Which every woman knows means it’s classified information.

 She was being rude, she knew, but well...frankly he started it. Years ago, but she was a petty elephant and would not forget.

 "Fine, have a slice of pizza and then get the fuck out."

When Nicasia and Taryn turned their looks at her, Jude just blinked her eyes slowly a few times. She had never claimed to be a saint. 

"Can I at least get a drink before you kick me out on my ass?" Cardan asked the corner of his mouth upturned.

"Nope, sorry," Jude started and feeling her friends angry stares added, "I just moved in, and I haven't stocked the fridge yet."

"Well, then it's lucky for us my friend was kind enough to drop in to christen the home with champagne," Nicasia said as she made remove the muselet. Jude watched her carefully grip the wire as she twisted it off with effortless ease, and admired her friends grace. Jude would've likely embarrassed herself biting at it. She'd been served champagne at events, but it always came in a glass if she was honest.

 With the sound of the popping cork her control of the apartment got further away from her. She watched as the three of them opened cupboards and looked at an empty counter top as if expecting glassware to simply appear. Jude knew she could easily scan the boxes and find her glassware, but business had taught her to spot an opportunity.  

 "Oh darn, it seems like we can't get you that drink after all."

 "Yes, you seem very forlorn about it," Cardan said shaking his head at her, amusement in those dark eyes. 

Jude gave him a mock apologetic shrug of her shoulders, lips pulled to one side of her mouth. The amusement in his eyes turned to challenge. Unbeknownst to Jude, Cardan's newest hobby was complicated jigsaw puzzles. He had needed something to do while being able to keep an eye on his father, and he found that once he started he just couldn't resist figuring out how the pieces fit together. She'd just presented him with his newest game, and he was going to figure out her pieces.

"Don't worry my darling, like I said we're neighbors now," smiling when Jude scowled at the pet name, "I can just head to my place, and get us some glasses."

It was clear that he'd gotten under Jude's skin when she stalked towards Nicasia and took the bottle from her, and into her own hands. Nicasia just looked at Taryn, and whatever that look meant Taryn must have understood. She moved to the edge of the counter top and invited Nicasia into the circle of her legs, resting her chin on her the top of the other woman’s head.

"How very unfortunate for high-born little princes like you, that you can only sip champagne from the finest of glasses."

She looked right into his eyes as she began glugging the expensive bubbly from the bottle and drinking it like watered down beer. She raised an eyebrow at him as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"I do hope I haven't offended you Cardan," she said snarling out his name as if it was foul, "I'd hate to scare you off from ever visiting again."

"Not at all, I'm quite charmed by your lovely manners," he said walking over to where she stood by Nicasia. "Do not expect others to share my depraved tastes," he said taking the bottle from Jude's firm grip and drinking directly while their gazes stayed locked in a battle of wills.

 "Nic, you feel like we're interrupting something here?" Taryn said from where she sat inches away. It shocked Jude out of her stupor, and her sister hopped off the counter as Jude made to reach for her. She was suddenly stricken, it was all fine and well to hurt Cardan, but she wouldn't lose Taryn again. Not when she just got her back.

"Ugh I thought you'd never ask, this is all too straight for me," Nicasia said taking Taryn's hand and making for the door.

"Wait guys, don't go--"

 "Nope, text us when you're ready to act like a person again," Nicasia said laughing as the door shut behind their quickly retreating figures.  

 "Way to go, you scared them off with your stupid smoldering thing."

 "Jude, I think you'll find I'm not the one in the wrong here, although I am delighted to hear you think I smolder," Cardan said backing away from her.

"I meant that stupid staring," she started but trailed off when she noted his smug face.

 "Jude, all I've done today is bring you a housewarming gift and offer help at my friends request."

Jude opened her mouth to protest about the pizza slight, but stopped as she'd realized she'd just dig herself into a deeper hole. All he'd really done was cover her food for her and her friends. Was it possible that her childhood tormentor really had come here without the intent of torturing her. She'd been too caught up in trying to catch his next move, that it hadn't occurred to her. He’d clearly taken her silence to mean something else, because he went to gather his coat and sweater.

"Look, it's clear you don't want me here and I'm not actually trying to hold you hostage in your own apartment."

Jude's pride stopped her from correcting him. She'd been working so hard to get him to leave, that she couldn't exactly walk back her position now. She wanted to though, she wanted to grab him by those rather toned arms and hold him in place. To explain herself or make him explain himself, she wasn't sure. Instead she nodded her agreement, and silently watched him leave. She watched as he walked down the hall, opening and then closing his door. Only then did she finally unfreeze from her doorway and shut her own door.

She sat for about 30 minutes just trying to process all that had just happened. She was not sure when she'd become the villain in this story, but she didn't enjoy the feeling. He was the bully, not her. If his actions today were to be trusted, maybe not even him any longer. Jude stood up suddenly confident in her movements as she scanned the boxes searching for her glasses. She hadn't actually moved everything today, so all she was able to find was some coffee mugs. She looked down at her "I Rule" coffee cup, it'd have to do.

Jude went to where the remains of the bottle was left on the counter, and poured it into the cup. She wouldn't apologize, as she was not truly sorry. Even if he was not the menace he used to be, one day of rudeness was the least of what he'd deserved. She did however write what she'd call her concession. She'd apologized for the coffee mug. The note told him that while her fine Waterford Crystals were still in storage, it should taste just as good coming out of a mug. Jude left the note under the cup, and knocked on his door before leaving.

[kindahoping4forever]

at this point i'm starting to doubt if taylor is even a real person, bc who the hell works that much? and she's like, having fun while doing it. how. but yeah red IS the ultimate autumn album and tbh it feels wrong for it to drop in any month that's not october ✋🏻😔

one thing that answers all of your questions: woman has finally gone insane and by her own doing 🥴 lmao no but really, she's so obsessed with the tiniest details, which i don't blame her at all bc i'm also like that, but that transformed this fandom into arguably the craziest one out there 😩 i know it's all in good fun and that she is a smart woman who always has a plan, even though we don't know it yet, but god why would you mislead us like that if you're not dropping 1989 (tv) soon 😭 that's just cruel, honestly

but i really have to believe she'll be dropping something soon & this is all part of the plan, bc why else would she announce such a highly anticipated album 5 months before? 😩 i mean i know she did that with lover, but i was hoping she would keep the same announcement style as the one for fearless (tv) 😔 but hey i do feel you about this whole circus of marketing she has & fans keep feeding 🤭

look i've been listening to red (the piracy's version ofc) all day & i cannot pick the one i'm most excited to hear 😩 this album just means so much to me, i might truly combust when i hear her version of it ✋🏻 and ma'am your trinity !!! that's some a+ taste right there !!! and i'm here just ignoring the fact that we'll get a 2021 version of 'i almost do' bc that song is the most personal one for me out of the album but i refuse to acknowledge that 😌

also i'm sorry i'm rambling too much, my mind is just going off today 😩 i'll blame taylor for that but pls feel free to ignore me lmao

(okay but have you stop to think that the standard version of red is already over one hour long. with 16 songs. and now we're getting 30 songs. one of them is 10 minutes long. what made her ever think we're ready for that 😭)

Ok truly tho, Fearless (TV) was already almost 2 hours and none of those songs were nearly as long as some of the tracks on OG Red! How many discs is it going to be? How many vinyls?? 😩😩 Honestly her clues recently were so all over the place and while they overwhelming seemed 1989 related there were also a ton that could've been interpreted as Red or even Speak Now so yes she's either gone mad and has no one to blame but herself (😌) or I wonder if it's possible she doesn't stick to a traditional release structure? This is full clown mode (I'm still a Woodvale truther tbh 🤡) but there's so many iconic songs to choose from with these next few albums (1989 had what, 6 singles? Red has 3 commercial hits and ATW), maybe she fills the time between now and Nov. with a few single drops to tease the projects? A 1989 single could drop sometime soon (or maybe even a Speak Now track, why not, July 9th is a Friday after all 😌) and maybe she'll announce all these albums at once but Red is ultimately the one that's coming out first? (She clearly said in the statement "the next album I'll be releasing" but that doesn't mean she can't release songs off other albums. 🤡 Also, she straight up lied and said Lover wasn't called Lover at one point so tell me why I'm supposed to believe anything she says 😌)

And omg yes, "I Almost Do" 2021 is gonna hit so hard 😭😭😭 I've been a Taylor fan since Fearless but I think it took until Red for me to realize that the thing that strikes me most about her music is that she writes the way my brain thinks, if that makes sense. Like idk if it's because we're Sagittarius sisters or we just process our emotions similarly but listening to Red for the first time, there were moments where I was floored because not only was she describing things exactly the way I would in my memory but she was also describing feelings that I recognized, that I knew I'd had but never knew how to put into words. I'd never had an experience with an artist like that before and that's why Red (and "I Almost Do" in particular!) will always be so so special to me 🥺

[bigskydreaming]

Once, you said you thought all tha batkids had a form of adhd in your opinion, so how do you think it is with every one of them Like, dick is probably an hiperactive one and tim seems to be de innantetive type, and idk damian must be hiperactive or the mix type one, idk with jason, do you think they have overloads or ??? Idk if i wrote everything right, i'm spanish so.. yeah...

You wrote everything just fine! Bilingual icon! We stan!

Tbh, I generally project various aspects of my own ADHD onto various different Batkids as a way of kinda….getting into each of their heads, in as much as its about reading those behaviors into their canon depictions. If that makes sense? So its not strictly about interpreting canon, when it comes to this, its a mix of that and just personal headcanons.

And just for general reference, whenever I use the term headcanon, personally, I use it to mean…..just how I like to imagine something about a character. It doesn’t mean there’s not canon out there that might contradict it, it means that for the sake of that particular headcanon, that’s not what I’m relying on or building off of.

So because ADHD contains a wide spectrum of behaviors and tendencies and symptoms, not all of which are present in every individual, there’s a lot that are ‘left out’ of my personal ADHD Batkids headcanons. So I mean, anyone who has different ADHD tendencies than I do myself is not necessarily going to agree with my takes or might perceive behaviors or mannerisms in the Batkids that I don’t myself.

Okay, so - 

Dick: Since its no secret that I relate to Dick the most and project onto him the most, he’s the ‘most like me’ in terms of ADHD behavior. He rambles, he bounces all over the place, he’s constantly in motion….when he has the freedom to be. That last part is critical because something a lot of people don’t consider about ADHD is that medication isn’t a universal experience. And so some people do manage to come up with various forms of personal behavior adjustments or coping strategies to manage their own symptoms without medication. Like for myself….my parents hated psychiatry, therapy, medication, etc. They didn’t want us going to anyone like that. 

So when I was growing up, medication literally wasn’t an option for me….but at the same time, they had massive expectations for me, academically, with piano, my sports, karate, etc….much like I view Dick having even just such expectations for himself due to wanting to impress Bruce, even if Bruce was trying not to be so overbearing about those things when Dick was younger. So in order to try and meet my parents’ high expectations, without medication or even an ADHD diagnosis when I was a kid….I had to find various strategies that worked for ME, to allow me to…circumvent, my more counter-productive tendencies. Some of them worked, some of them didn’t, and almost none of them were things that I consciously mapped out or thought about in those terms….because I wasn’t thinking about myself as someone who had ADHD, but rather someone who was lazy, inattentive, etc.

Basically, where I’m going with that is I do think Dick is very high energy and zigs and zags wildly in his thought processes, etc….which can make him highly intuitive, see connections that don’t occur to other people but just jump out to him, allow him to rally when he’s absolutely exhausted…BUT also have the downside of making him lose track of various things, have trouble sitting still even when stealth is a necessity, etc….things that as a vigilante and detective, he can’t AFFORD to let get in the way of his ‘duties.’ 

I do headcanon that he’s diagnosed and has medication to help with this….BUT he has his own….life adjustments that he’s calibrated over time to help with this as well. So for me, the times when he’s depicted as bouncing all over the place don’t contradict the times he’s shown able to be absolutely still and silent for the sake of a case, etc….because he’s found ways to compensate for his ADHD, with medication and even without it. For instance one thing that’s always been a huge help to me is exercise and physical activity. Even MORESO than medication at times, because I have a very fast metabolism and burn through most drugs very quickly. But for various reasons, my body and my ADHD are able to manufacture enough of what I need through various forms of exercise and physical activity that allow me to operate at my best. 

Like, when I can be, I’m a bit of a gym rat, which isn’t atypical for a Hollywood bi boy, lol, but it really has nothing to do with trying to stay in shape aesthetically. Okay not nothing, I mean, I AM a peacock, let’s be real, lmao. BUT. Its really more about me being my peak self, because exercising regularly, doing the physical activities I enjoy….they complement my meds and compensate for what my meds can’t, to allow me to kinda enjoy all the perks of my ADHD without suffering too many drawbacks from the downsides.

And so this is where I see Dick being very similar, and why he can encompass a wide range of behaviors and mannerisms…..his physical activity and athleticism. Its not about just training his body and keeping his body at peak performance, its about doing the same thing for his mind. 

BUT there are drawbacks here too…..because think about how in canon Dick doesn’t tend to do well with being injured or on bedrest….unable to be active, exercise, etc….its not just vanity or ego, its not just ADHD and wanting to be in motion….its also….without that constant consistent regimen of physical activity and exercise….his ADHD goes out of balance. His brain, his behavior, his moods aren’t ABLE to be at their best, even WITH medication. 

Like, for my own personal health reasons, I haven’t been physically able to exercise in a LONG time. And there’s a definite downside to that for me, even with me still on my meds…because my meds have ALWAYS been able to only do so much. So I’m more irritable and moody than I am when I’m able to exercise regularly, I’m more jittery and full of pent up energy with no way to vent it or release it when it builds up and starts to get overwhelming….basically I’m saying that lol, when you’re ADHD and you for various reasons have made your lifelong coping strategies contingent on your ability to stay physically active and fit….any situation that prevents you from doing your normal physical routines SUCKS. A LOT.

So, that to me is the biggest factor in my ADHD headcanons for Dick….not even the ADHD itself, but the way he’s built up strategies for coping with it even without meds (because I also headcanon he has a ridiculous metabolism, I mean look at him). And going hand in hand with that fact is that to various degrees I headcanon him as being somewhat DEPENDENT on his physical routines, his exercise, even his patrols, which have been a form of routine for him since he was a kid. So when those routines are disrupted, when he’s unable to go out in the field, or get out of bed….its not just about him WANTING to be out there because he’s restless, because he hates being sick or injured…its those things, sure, but its also about….his brain itself is out of whack as a consequence, he’s moody, he’s not as able to cope with his depression or PTSD symptoms or even just stress in general….

Like, to me, Dick isn’t a ‘bad patient’ or a pain when he’s sick or injured just to be contrary….he’s not in a rush to get back on his feet or back in the field because he’s too stubborn for his own good…its because he NEEDS to be. He doesn’t know how to be his best self without it.

(I’ll add onto this thread with reblogs for the other kids as I get time to add them in, since uh, this is a post unto itself. Oh how weird, I got carried away and said lots and lots just for one character OOOPS MUCH UNEXPECTED).

[ggdeku]

Iron Blooded Orphans broke my heart [SPOILERS]

I finished all of Mobile Suit Gundam: Iron Blooded Orphans last night, but the show I once loved made me feel hollow and unsatisfied.

I quickly fell in love with IBO and that feeling persisted through the whole first season. The journey of Tekkadan from Mars to Earth, and that amazing conclusion in Edmonton had marked it solidly as one of my all time favorite Gundam series ever. The strength of IBO to me was it's characters and world building. I was invested in the group of kids taking control of the private military company CGS to help fight for the betterment of their lives while forging deep family bonds. While most of the members of Tekkadan didn't get all that much screen time, I really enjoyed the personalities of the primary characters. Mikazuki and Orga's longtime, co-dependent relationship was really compelling, you could really feel the longtime emotional bonds between them. Kudelia's lofty goal of independence for Mars, combined with Tekkadan's underdog nature made it a group I was really engaged with and emotionally invested in. The antagonists weren't the most compelling, but the dynamic between McGillis, Gaelio, and Carta gave the opposing side some more depth beyond their immediate goals. You got a good sense of what each of those three Gjallarhorn officers were like as people. I also really enjoyed the political struggle of the series, the fight for independence from Earth is a common theme of Gundam, but I thought it was portrayed well here.

I deeply loved this show throughout all of the first season, but the direction taken in season 2 slowly beat me down until I could no longer pretend I was enjoying it. The last four episodes really kicked the wind out of my sails and felt cheap. IBO season 1 had one focused plotline that made sense and felt cohesive all the way through. Season 2 is a bunch of loosely connected mini-arcs with no clear focus, vision, or message. The way character death is handled in this season is one of main reason why I'm upset. It's not just because almost all of the primary characters are killed off, it's the way in which it occurs and the way the epilogue plays out. It doesn't lead to, or accomplish, anything. The ending feels stolen from the characters in a really sick way. 

Biscuit's death in the first season had a ton of build up, and we really got to know him as a person and learn about him through his relationships to Orga and the crew. His death informed the decisions and actions of Tekkadan in a meaningful way. In season 2, it felt like the writers just wanted to kill everyone to seem sad or intense, but it doesn't work. By the time Mikazuki and Akihiro are killed in the final episode, I was numb to impact of their death. I didn't feel sad because of their circumstance, I felt sad that the writers drew out this whole series of characters deaths to the point where it felt formulaic and predictable. The deaths of Naze,  Amida, and Lafter was unnecessary but drove the plot forward by having Tekkadan take revenge of Jasley Donomikols, which ultimately led to nothing.

Shino, Orga, McGillis, Hush, Akihiro, Mika. They all die losing. Tekkadan utterly loses, but is able to protect the lives of the rest of their crew.  If through their sacrifice they were able to create the positive future for their friends, that would be one thing. But they don't and Gjallarhorn wins. Julieta holds the Gundam Barbatos' head on her sword triumphantly, and Rustal Elion maintains his power and influence through successful corruption, controlling the media message on the truth of Tekkadan and McGillis.

The loss and following epilogue really made me angry as I watched. For some reason, despite being shown to be a corrupt leader who crushes everything in his path, Rustal Elion decides to dismantle the Seven Stars system of leadership in Gjallarhorn and reform it as a democratic organization (he, of course, is elected to be it's first leader). Rustal lets Kudelia becomes the chairperson of the newly independent Mars Union and works with her to abolish Human Debris (slave) trafficking. The antagonist won and through his power let the rest of Tekkadan live, all knowing that he unnecessarily killed their friends and tarnished their names as a scapegoat to punish McGillis. The only reason they still live is because of Rustal and they just have to accept it. It's embarrassing and degrading. Yet, everyone seems fine with that (with the obvious exception of Ride).

Watching the epilogue made me to realize that much of the character work throughout the series really didn't make much sense. Rustal Elion specifically. As the main antagonist of the series, we know nothing about him or his ideals. We only see him act as a mustache twirling villain throughout the whole series, but for some reason he ends up enacting McGillis' idea of reforming Gjallarhorn. We have no reason as to why he has done this. It feels really unearned and like a desperate attempt to make a comment about there not being a difference between good and evil, just different pathways for change. This explanation feels extra hollow because the whole show absolutely depicted the different factions as good and evil.

Julieta and Gaelio's ending was ridiculous as well. These two awful characters get a "Let's go eat meat! Anime! lol XD" ending after a whole season of being half-baked uninteresting grunts. Julieta in particular has no character at all. "I need to get stronger" to the ultimate cliche degree. She is a consistently annoying presence that has almost no connections to other characters and offers nothing meaningful to the story through the entire season. While Gaelio wants his revenge against McGillis, their confrontation ends in a rather anticlimactic showdown. Iok Kujan is a ridiculous cartoon clown that only exists to ruin everything. His presence actively made the show worse at every turn.

McGillis' mysterious intentions were interesting in season 1 but once he started to realize his plans, and they started to blow up in his face immediately, he showed no signs of recognizing his failure and this rapid loss of control. McGillis was a frustrating idiot to watch every time he was on screen, an incompetent Char clone. We never really knew what his plan to reform Gjallarhorn was all about outside of removing the corruption from within. But as soon as he got his hands on Gundam Bael, he demanded that the entire organization follow his every order like a dictator. He didn't use his platform to expose corruption, he used it to gain power and forgot everything that led him to that point. He had no plan to counter Rustal, who was obviously going to oppose him. The show wants to portray him has some sort of scheming puppet master, but the writing consistently fails to demonstrate this in any way. Why is Bael some sort of icon of leadership? Why does McGillis think that as soon in as he pilots it everyone will obey him somehow? 

With such a large focus on the Gjallarhorn side of things this season you would think we would get some sort of new insight as to the ideology or internal conflicts of the organization, but that doesn't happen.  Everything presented is so shallow. Also the entire character of Almiria goes absolutely nowhere. 

Tekkadan also saw some new recruits join the team this season, but they remain underdeveloped hangers-on in most cases. Hush, the most prominent of the new recruits, gets almost nothing to do and his relationship to Mika is not well developed at all. His death felt like it should have had a strong emotional impact, but because he was so underdeveloped I felt nothing. He didn't have that much interaction with the other characters this season, spending most of his screen time as Mika's assistant. He says he wants to learn from Mika, but we almost never see the two of them talk. We never get a chance to care for him or understand what he adds to the group dynamic. 

The treatment of Atra and Kudelia was awful. In season 2, they are given nothing to do aside from fawn over Mika. Because it's not anime unless every woman in the show is somehow in love with our antisocial, quiet protagonist boy. Atra and Kudelia are most often seen talking to each other, and it is always about Mika. They only ever talk about him and about loving him. This does a real disservice to the characters who had so much potential. As the Founder/President of the Admoss company Kudelia could have been playing politics to help Tekkadan through the entire season. Atra could have actually helped out with the Tekkadan crew in person and had her own independent goals. Kudelia’s love for Mika was not convincing at all to me. Atra has the benefit of knowing him for most of her life and their relationship goes back the longest outside of Mika and Orga. Their romance wasn’t too out of place. But I don’t think IBO ever made a convincing case for Kudelia’s love for Mikazuki outside of his role as the “main character.” I think Mika and Atra having a baby and Kudelia becoming the step-mom after Mika’s death is a cool idea on paper, but it’s execution in the show was brutal to watch.

Season 2 felt like the writers did not know where to take the story so they threw everything they had on the page. It resulted in a muddled mess of themes and story lines with not enough time to give any characters their due. None of the deaths made much of an impact on the main crew at all. Everyone got over each death extremely quickly. You get one scene of brooding then you move on.

There is a part of me that's just angry about seeing characters I liked die, but it only serves to back up my opinion that death is often a lame way to create drama. The removal of a character is not interesting. You are eliminating a person from your story that (hopefully) had relationships, motivations, goals, and hopes. The interactions between your characters is what gives depth to your story and shows how they each grow individually and as a group. Removing all the characters removes possibility. You can show pain and suffering in other ways. Killing off almost every single one of the primary characters was a boring move.

And it makes me sad.

[mybodyliberation]

Wed2B Edinburgh Bridal Review

It would be foolish for me to say that every little girl dreams of trying on wedding dresses because that's simply not true; and to be honest it wasnt until I was about 17 that I would lose myself in hour long day dreams about my future husband and my dream dress.

But those day dreams started when that iconic tv show Say Yes The Dress aired and I found myself fascinated and captivated by satin, tulle, ball gowns and boho sheaths.

So needless to say after years of having not so secret pinterest boards I was prepared and exited to embark on the adventure of finding my dream dress.

Now a few pieces of information about me to get the ball rolling and for reference for the rest of the post and future wedding dress posts.

• Leading up to visiting Wed2B Edinburgh, I had never tried on a wedding dress before.

• My everyday clothing size sits between 18/20

• None of this is an AD, gifted or sponsored in anyway.

• All of these views are my own opinion

• I will also have a short vlog series in the next few weeks documenting my my wedding dress shopping experience for both dress and accessories.

Now that we've got that out of the way let's get down to business, obviously not to defeat the huns but in fact to discuss wedding dresses, any Disney nerds with me?

Now I did all of this in my most recent week off from tour and I did that because if it so happened I needed to order a dress from scratch waiting even an extra 6 weeks until I finish tour meant less time for ordering and alternation etc and keep in mind that with a wedding date of 4th April 2020 only 8 months away that doesn't leave as much time as you think.

Depending on the store and the designer you could need an entire year to order to a dress in advance and so really the earlier you look the better.

This isnt to say you could find something with limited time but it also does mean your limited in your options.

If you are planning to leave things a bit later then actually Wed2B could be an option for you. The reasons behind this are to follow.

We visited the Wed2B Edinburgh store on Wednesday 10th July 2019. As I said it was a perfect time to go because it was my week off and it meant we could go during the day.

I honestly can't recommend this enough because truthfully with a set up like Wed2B going later in the evening or at the weekend is guaranteed to be extremely overwhelming.

This is because this is a no appointment system. You turn up, wait to be seen my a stylist and the process begins there. I can imagine that during busy periods it could take hours to be seen, but we arrived at 2pm.

We were greeted by the lovely Esther, who explained a little bit about the store and what would be happening.

I imagine each stores layout will be different but in Edinburgh each rail represented a size and they start from a size 6 to 30. We were told that depending on the style and cut of the dress it could mean you would need to size up so unfortunately if you're a size 30 and up, I dont know how accessible the dresses will be but it's always worth turning up and trying the dresses on to see.

The rail that I needed was one that had the size 18s onwards. It was one singular rail and there actually wasnt that much of choice. I had named to Esther the dresses I specifically wanted to try on because I had seen them online but they were sold out.

That's another thing there is definitely a demand for their collections which has a lot to do with the fact that the quality is actually great and the prices are low and they do cater to a large amount of sizes. This means that brides will be doing their research, finding the store that has the dress they want, tracking it down, trying it on and purchasing it on the day because theres no guarantee that the dress you try on will be there the next day.

They have deliveries every week but it doesn't mean it will be the specific dress you're looking for or your size. Also their limited collections tend to sell out within weeks especially if the design of the dress happens to be what is popular at the moment. For example they have a design that looks very similar to Meghan Markle's wedding dress that was in the shop window, this was sold out and within two weeks and that's that.

When we got to my rail it seemed there wasnt that much in terms and options, and considering three out of four of the dresses I had seen online and wanted to try on weren't available, I wasn't too hopeful but I used this as an opportunity to try on a dress in each style.

You have a four dress try on maximum which seems like it wouldn't be enough but for an first bridal appointment turned out to be perfect. Anything above four dresses for your first time in hindsight would have been way too overwhelming if I'm honest with myself.

So knowing I could pick four dresses I decided to try something in each style. Ballgown with sleeves (my preferred style of choice), A Line, fitted (mermaid), and another ballgown but with off the shoulder straps. I didn't try on any sheaths because there were none in my size but also it felt too far from what I wanted.

Once we picked the dress it was explained that the way it worked we would come back in an hour. You see because it's no appointment, it means that the stylists work with brides on a sort of rolling system. While one bride gets welcomed and makes selections, another bride is trying dresses on with another stylist. It's not a perfect system but we weren't too upset.

Esther took my number and myself and my mum and sisters went to go and have some tea while we waited and there was only one bride in front of me anyway so it didnt seem like the end of the world to wait.

When we came back we were greeted by Esther again and introduced to MC Ruth who ended up being the stylist actually putting dresses on me.

She was such a sweetheart and out the gate asked me how I was and if I had any major concerns which as a bride I think is important but as a plus size bride is even more important because there might be a lot of insecurities and fears at play.

I was blessed to not have any in that particular moment, I was just excited to get trying some on.

As I said they suggested sizing up from your everyday clothes size. So we decided to start with the dress that I liked but they only had in my regular size of 18 (this was star) I wanted to see the off the shoulder style but was also curious to see how small a size 18 in bridal would actually run.

Now we were actually able to get in with not much trouble and I think that honestly had a lot to do with the corest back which gives a lot more room than something with buttons or a zip might have. Though keep in mind if you end up in this situation and loving the dress, you might have to get the panel extended in the back.

I loved the sparkle and the tulle and though the off the shoulder was cute it just wasnt what I envisioned myself walking down the aisle in.

I'm glad I tried it on but it wasnt what I was looking for.

The next two dresses I tried on were the ones completely out of the style I wanted. One satin A Line with with lace embroidery across the waist and then a fitted mermaid dress with rauching across the bodice. Both....were just not what I wanted.

The first A Line dress instantly aged me because of the high neckline and the boxy cut over all. I got in trouble with Pastor J for joking and saying it was like I was a divorcee wanting to get a no fuss dress for a registry. This was probably my super un-PC way of saying it aged me. I felt like someone else entirely in that dress and I honestly couldn't wait to get it off me.

The latter dress was a surprise because in my head I was adamant I wouldn't like a fitted dress for a wedding (though I love them in any other circumstance because I'm here for a bit of body-ody-ody) but I thought I looked great. I just didnt look bridal. In fact it reminded me a lot of one of my costumes from my time in Aladdin and I didn't want to say yes to a dress that reminded me of playing a part.

The last thing you want to feel on you and future bae's special day, is like you're playing a version of yourself you dont feel comfortable with.

NOW the last dress, Kate. That was a contender. It had so many qualities that I had considered. Beautiful lace sleeves, a tulle skirt and the waist line fell in just the place I wanted it to.

When I put it on we all gasped because it was so beautiful. I felt beautiful and bridal and got a bit teary...but I also felt really overwhelmed because as much as I loved it....it just wasn't the one.

I truly felt beautiful and I loved how much my mum and my sisters loved it but in that moment I felt so strongly that it wasnt it. I thought I cant find THE dress is one shopping experience but in hindsight it wasnt what was holding me back, I just didnt feel like myself yet.

It was so so close, close enough for me to put a deposit down, close enough for me to know that if I had to end up tracking it down in my size in a different Wed2B I would....but I felt strong in my gut and my spirit that my search wasn't yet done.

I knew that if I left feeling settled and not second my guess that it wasnt right and that rang true as I got home and looked at the pictures again....the search was still on.