#I'm still valid for imagining gruesome deaths for people who annoyed me

[pinolitas]

I'm having such a spiraling night about how middle school/elementary made me feel.

like I had such blind hatred for every troublemaker and loud kid but the reason there was so many of those was clearly because they're in a low income community and going through shit at home and even without knowing that myself as a kid I never reacted beyond daydreaming ripping those kids' heads off. so then why did the teachers who are whole ass adults that can rationalize this fact about something else being the issue with the troublemakers why did they choose to humiliate kids in class and berate them for struggling like why why why I was a whole child holding back lashing out at these kids because I know that it's not right to blow up at people like that but these adults who have power over us chose to make things worse instead of helping. straight up being an asshole must have made learning so much less enjoyable for these kids.

anyways I hated that school originally for the same reasons the teachers did but I know now that I was wrong for that and at least I had no lasting impact on peoples' academic career as a result of my childish personal feelings