#I'm sorry I didn't have time to write the epic battle between Suika and Hisoutensoku

[aardvark-123]

Gensokyo Festival Day 15: Attack on Watermelon

Here’s a cute little story about Tenshi’s quiet introspection with Suika, and nothing else:

(Yeah, right.)

When Reimu first codified the spell-card rules, she tucked a very pertinent paragraph in among pages and pages of waffle about the precise definition of "a bullet". The so-called Blazing Fist Clause stated that, if all parties involved thought it would be fun and there was no risk of collateral damage, people were allowed to forget about danmaku and just wail on each other.

Although most Gensokyans had already fallen in love with spell-cards, Suika Ibuki was eager for a good punch-up. After several melee-centric Incidents, Reimu wrote a set of variant spell-card rules for large, complicated brawls and hand-to-hand duels. Energy levels in the Eastern Wonderland had never been higher.

"Oi, Tenshi! Are you home?!"

"Urf..." Tenshi slowly pried her eyelids apart and immediately wished she hadn't. Going to one of her mother's all-night dance parties had been a mistake; mainstream Celestial fun times always took it out of her. "More or less... Who are you?"

"It'sh me, of courshe!" Suika hiccupped loudly. "Your mum'sh planning a, like, a short of poetry recital-"

"Tell her to kill herself." Tenshi buried her head under the pillow and tried to get back to her dream. Let's see, Marisa was just about to take her bloomers off-

"Come on, lazy-bonesh, get up!"

A small, pudgy hand grasped Tenshi by the forearm. Before she could react, she was being swung wildly above Suika's head.

"That'sh more like it! Get up an'... an' carp the diadem!" Suika threw Tenshi into her private peach grove.

"Owww..." Tenshi pulled a few twigs out of her hair and wiped the worst of the peach juice off her nightshirt. "What time is it?"

"I jusht woke up."

"That late?!" gasped Tenshi. "I'd better go and... do something! Or whatever. Uh, feel free to make yourself at home."

Suika took a bleary look at Tenshi's place. It wasn't much of a home; just a futon, a bookshelf, a stove and some weights, plus a few well-watered peach trees.

"Help yourself to my library," added Tenshi, selecting a few tasty-looking peaches from her trees. "Have you had breakfast? I've got some bread and cheese under my bed for people who aren't Celestials. It'll be a bit flat and pongy, but you might like it."

"Uh... I don't wanna imposhe..." It wasn't much of a library; just a few yuri manga volumes, a copy of 'Journey to the West' and a few dozen Shonen Jump magazines in no particular order. "D'you wanna arm-wreshtle or shomething?"

"No way! Mum broke my arm last night and it still hurts," said Tenshi ruefully. "Apparently I have to wear some kind of jumpsuit if I want to dance. I don't know... She's been on at me to wear more pretty dresses for two hundred years, but the moment she becomes a bloody Celestial-"

"What if, like, we ushed our other armsh?!" cried Suika, glowing with pride over her amazing idea. "I mean, you ushe the one she didn't break, an' I ushe... Um... My equivalent arm!"

"No, thanks." Tenshi plonked herself down on the futon and ate her peaches, crunching the stones between teeth like very small granite boulders.

"Oh, you're no fun..." Suika swatted Tenshi on the shoulder, sending her tumbling into her bookshelves. A heap of paperbacks and splintered wood fell on top of her.

Suika cringed drunkenly. "Whoopsh... Shouldn't'a done that, should I?"

"You absolutely should not!" snapped Tenshi. She marched over to Suika, leaving a trail of mangled bookshelf in her wake, and gave the oni a swift kick in the face. Suika sailed right off the edge of the cloud.

"There we go!" said Tenshi, beaming with pride. "I'm sure that's not going to have any negative consequences whatsoever."

"Shtupid blue-haired meanie... I'll show her!"

"Wha-?" Sanae looked around in amazement. "Lady Suwako, did you hear that?"

Suwako gave Sanae a questioning look. "I didn't hear anything. What did you hear?"

"A voice." Sanae's eyes were wide with fear. "It was coming from over there. Or there, maybe. Or there!" She pointed in three completely different directions.

"That's a big help," said Suwako condescendingly. "It was probably just some youkai playing around. Come on, let's get back to-"

"I'm coming for you, Tenshi! Jusht wait 'til I work out which way ish up, I'll be out of thish shwamp in a jiffy!"

Sanae and Suwako almost jumped out of their skins. There was no mistaking it this time; a voice was coming from the muddy ditch next to the path.

Suwako stepped over a few brambles and approached the ditch. "Hello?! Anyone in there?!"

Something stirred among the reeds and sludge. "I think I am," the voice declared, bubbling up through the murky water. "I kind of fell in, and I can't sheem to, y'know, get out..."

"Are you stuck or just drunk?" asked Suwako.

Sanae shifted nervously. "I don't think we should stick around..."

"Come on, it's not as if that thing could beat the two of us!" said Suwako, smiling cockily.

"Whaddaya mean, 'thing'?! I am an oni!" The ditch bubbled and gurgled angrily as its resident spoke. "I'm the greatesht of them all, I am! Shuika Ikubi! I mean Ibiku! Whatever!"

Sanae looked at Suwako, who shrugged broadly.

"Tenshi short of kicked me offa' her cloud," Suika explained. "I'm gonna go an' shmash up Heaven, jusht ash shoon ash I can get out..."

Sanae gasped. "Smash up Heaven?! You can't! People live there!"

"They desherve it!" shnapped- sorry, snapped Suika. "It ish a bit high up, though... Maybe I'll jusht shmash up a few shrinesh, shee if Tenshi comesh down to try an' shtop me."

Now it was Suwako's turn to gasp. "But we live in a shrine!"

"Hey, great! You can show me where it ish!" said Suika delightedly.

"No way! If you even touch our shrine, I'll mash you!" snapped Suwako. "Come on, Sanae, we don't need to bother with her."

Suika exploded out of the ditch, showering Sanae and Suwako in mud and brackish water. Within a matter of seconds she was towering over them, growing taller at an incredible rate.

Suwako groaned. "I suppose I stand corrected."

Sanae slung Suwako over her shoulder and booked it.

Suika's terrible rampage started out as nothing more than a drunken totter over the meadows, with the now hundred-metre-tall oni kicking over the occasional tree. However, she soon set her sights on Youkai Mountain, at which point Kanako decided to do something.

"And I believe I know just the thing!" she added, smiling a dangerous serpentine smile.

"Really?" Suwako was not convinced. "We've hardly tested him, and there's no telling what might happen if he blows up with us still inside..."

"Oh, do let's go, Lady Suwako! It'll be so much fun!" pleaded Sanae.

"Fine. If we all die horribly, I'm blaming you, Kanako."

The goddesses flew to the peak of Youkai Mountain as fast as they could. A youkai from the Former Capital of Former Hell was already waiting for them, her broken wagon wheel blazing around her neck. She led them through the long, winding tunnel to the secret hangar.

The kappas, the tengu and all the people of the underground city had come together to build their new protector. As tall as a skyscraper and built almost entirely with recycled materials, he was truly a sight to behold.

Sanae slid into the pilot's seat, strapped herself in and immediately began examining the readouts. "Reactor at full capacity! Uranium reserves at ninety-seven percent! Main fuel tanks at one hundred percent in both arms!"

"Pilot's voice reaching critical annoyance levels! Recommend immediate smack upside the head!" said Kanako warningly.

"Sorry. I'm just so excited..." said Sanae sheepishly. "Everything seems all right. Can we get going?"

"Now's as good a time as any." Kanako activated the intercom system. "All systems are operational. Someone open the door, chop-chop!"

The peak of the mountain creaked slowly open, dropping half a ton of snow on top of a passing tengu. Late afternoon sunlight streamed in through the mech's windscreens, almost dazzling Sanae after her brief spell in the dark.

"All right, Sanae, bring us slowly up out of the mountain-"

Sanae floored the accelerator. "Bring light to the tear-stained Gensokyo! Now, with all your might! Unleash your light, Super Robot! Hisoutensoku, ADVANCE!"