#I'm sick of this. I'm sick of being decent at my job but not being able to handle the reality of how stressful it is.

[aberooski]

It's astounding how one thing can ruin your entire day and destroy your entire emotional state.

[fortunately-bi]

Uh oh

[butwilltherebealcohol]

hilarious that anyone and everyone, doctors and nurses alike included are like "pink eye??? thats hella contagious u need to be like quarantined for a bit" except my manager at my Physical Examination Of People And Drawing Their Blood With Needles Job is like "well.....if your coworkers are okay with it just come on in :)"

[pigaletta]

.

[garbageconnoisseur]

Homeless LGBT couple needs help with shelter/food! (PRIDE Edition!)

Hello everyone.

It's unfortunate, but things haven't improved much this past month. We have been struggling a lot with making ends meet and between the heat and both of us being sick, we're not holding up well. Right now, I'm just asking for help affording food and a motel room for us to shelter in while we recover and look for work. I cannot be outside too long right now in this heat and my stomach has been a mess so we really need a room. I'm trying my hardest to find a decent job to get us out of this mess but it's been slow going.

It's pride month so please consider sending a bit of relief our way, or even just reblogging this so others can. Any help is appreciated.

Venmo: @garbageconnoisseur

CashApp: $garbageconnoisseur

PayPal: @garbageconnoisseur

(Please, not hate or unsolicited advice. I don't have the strength to deal with it and I will block you.)

[harunayuuka2060]

Savanaclaw students: Wait— Is that Yuurin?

Yuurin: *running laps*

Savanaclaw student A: *shouts* HEY!!! YUURIN!!!

Savanaclaw student A: HOW MANY LAPS ARE YOU DOING?!!

Yuurin: *signals with her hand that she's doing 50 laps*

Savanaclaw student A: Oh. Okay. That's not bad.

Leona: *sips his coffee* She meant last 50 laps.

Savanaclaw students: Eh?

Ruggie: Yuurin woke up at 4AM.

Leona: Yeah. The lady already finished 100 laps.

Savanaclaw students: ...

Savanaclaw student B: HEY, YUURIN!!! TAKE SOME WATER BREAK!!!

Savanaclaw students: YUURIIIIIIN!!!

Leona: You don't feel sleepy at all after running like that?

Yuurin: No. Actually, I feel wide awake.

Leona: ...

Leona: You remind me of an Arctic tern.

Yuurin: ...

Yuurin: I don't think that animal suits me.

Leona: It does. Here. I bought you a hairpin that looks like one.

Yuurin: ...

Leona: This will look good on your hair.

Yuurin: ...

Leona: You didn't need to send a photo to your parents, did you?

Yuurin: No.

Leona: That's good. *clips the hairpin on her*

Yuurin: ...Thank you, housewarden.

Leona: You're too formal. Just call me by my name.

Yuurin: ...

Yuurin: Leona-senpai.

Leona: *ruffles her hair*

Yuurin: *her hair gets messy*

Leona: Shit— Let me fix that.

Other first-years: *staring at MC because of her bird hairpin*

Ace: *teasing smirk* That looks good on you, bro.

Yuurin: ...

Yuurin: Thanks.

Ace: ...That's not what I—

Yuurin: *ignores him and focuses on class*

Professor Trein: Yuu, can you answer this question?

Yuurin: Yes, professor. *then proceeds to answer the question correctly*

Professor Trein: *smiles in satisfaction* You didn't forget any details. Great job, Yuu.

Yuurin: Thank you, Professor.

Ace: *mutters* Nerd.

Deuce: Dude, what?

Ace: What? He reminds me of Housewarden Riddle!

Yuurin: *looking at him*

Ace: ...

Professor Trein: Yuu? Is there something wrong?

Yuurin: Nothing, professor. *sits back down*

Akihiko — You look great with your hairpin, Yuurin.​ (⁠✿⁠^⁠‿⁠^⁠)

Yuurin — Thanks, Aki. How's your health?

Akihiko — It's great. I haven't been sick for a week now. ​(⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)

Yuurin: *smiles*

Ace: *approaches her* Yo! *smirks* You were textin' your girlfriend?

Yuurin: *her face turned serious* No. It's my brother.

Ace: Eh? *stands next to her* You enjoy talking with your brother?

Yuurin: Yes. Is there a problem?

Ace: Whoa— You don't have to look at me like that.

Yuurin: ...

Ace: Anyway, who gave you that hairpin?

Yuurin: ...My housewarden.

Ace: ...

Ace: You're just new here and you're being bullied? *clicks his tongue*

Yuurin: ...

Yuurin: No one's bullying me.

Ace: You must be naive then.

Ace: No decent guy would think that receiving a cute hairpin is a good thing.

Ace: What you're experiencing is lowkey bullying— Hey! Where are you going?!

Yuurin: *has already walked away from him*

Ace: Hey! I'm still talking to you! Hey!!!

Jack: What? ACE SAID THAT?

Yuurin: Hm.

Jack: ...

Jack: Well, does it make you want to take off the hairpin Leona-senpai has given you?

Yuurin: ...

Yuurin: I don't want to take it off, but at the same time, I don't want anyone to think that Leona-senpai is bullying me.

Jack: ...

Jack: Well, I can wear hairpins too.

Jack: So we're matching.

Yuurin: ...

Jack: ...

Yuurin: Won't that cause an even bigger misunderstanding?

Jack: ...

Jack: You think?

Yuurin: Yes.

Leona: That's not a problem. I'll start wearing hairpins too.

Yuurin: ...

Leona: Oi, Ruggie! Buy every freaking hairpins from Sam!

Ruggie: Sure. You want the cute ones?

Leona: Yeah. The cuter the better, that little shit. (referring to Ace)

Yuurin: ...

[gguk-n]

Fading Shadow (Lando Norris x ex-Reader)

Part 2 of Last Straw Inspired by this request

Summary- Y/N moved on. Lando is still stuck, on what they had and what he lost.

{Reader's POV}

The moment I landed back home, I felt relief wash over me when I cried in my mother's arms. I had been holding on to too much, it seems. My father brought my favourite food and we ate together and we laughed together. This was the therapy I needed. My siblings weren't very happy with Lando since they had seen everything unfold on social media but they were happy to have their sister back. I was happy to be back home. I needed this, I needed my people.

I decided I needed a change of pace, a change of scenery. I had been mourning my relationship while I was still in it. Now, I was a new me, I was going to do everything I wanted.

I applied at the company I always wanted to work at but due to there being no vacancies I was assigned a job in a different country and I was ready to take on the world. I knew Lando would never search for me, he never truly loved me but I still wanted to leave. I needed a fresh start.

{Lando's POV}

The silence after the break up was exactly what I needed, or so I thought. I could leave as I wished. I could go out whenever I wanted. I didn't have to explain myself to anyone. It's so much better to be single then to be tied down.

I didn't think I would ever miss Y/N, but I did. I remember exactly when I missed her for the first time; it was after a difficult race and I had finish decently with the shitty cards I had and I just wanted someone to tell me how well I did; but there was no one; no one who knew what I wanted to hear. I felt so alone even when I was surrounded by hundreds of people for the first time in a long time.

The second time I missed her was when I was stood on top of the top step of the podium. I wanted to have her around so I could share my highs with her. I didn't get a 'do you wanna go out to celebrate?' like the last two times and I aired her both time to party with random girls. Right now, I was in the club celebrating my third win of my career and season and I felt empty and alone. Not even the alcohol helped.

The house we lived in was a stark reminder of the time we spent together. All our dates we had. All the times she would teach me how to cook but we would always end up with a big mess and half cooked or burnt food since I would get distracted. In retrospect, I loved every second of it even though I never admitted it then. I love all the time we spent together or the laugh she would emit when I messed up. I missed her and I wish she was here; I was too stupid to admit it then but I do now.

Oscar was getting sick and tired of me using his phone to check on Y/N's social media accounts since she had blocked me every where. I would end up borrowing the other driver's phone to check, just in case. Until one day, her account stopped showing up for Oscar too. I went through almost everyone on the paddock's phone to see if she had blocked my friends. Turns out, she had deactivated her social media accounts; I realised that after one of the gossip pages posted about her deactivating her profiles, across all the platforms.

I would wake up from dreams about her and I would fall asleep to the thought of her. No woman interested me anymore; I wish I was this loyal when we were dating, when she could see that I loved her, not now when she couldn't even see I had changed.

My PR team was losing their shit when I tweeted that. I had to sit through a stupid meeting after everything. It was miracle I didn't start crying in the middle of the meeting.

People had started to notice I guess, since Carlos approached me. "Cabron, what's up?" he asked while I was lying on my couch after media day. "Nothing" I hummed. "I fucked up right?" I asked. "I can't say no" Carlos said. I laughed painfully. "I didn't know how good I had it until it was all gone. I'm an ass and I deserve everything I'm getting" I cried. Carlos comforted me, hugging me tightly. "I just wish she would talk to me, at least once. So, that I could show her that I've changed. I really have Carlos. I love her so much, it hurts" I cried into his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Lando" he said patting my back.

There's a saying, You don't know what you've got until it's gone. I was living that nightmare and I will never stop living it.

[romana-after-dark]

Cry Harder

Dark!Joel Miller x fem!reader

Masterlist : Taglist (NEW TAG LIST)

A follow up to Keep Cry'n, but you don't need to read it to read this. But you do need to read the warnings lol.

For my event, Dead Dove December which is still open until January 1st, and there's no sign up! Plenty of time to join <3

Summery: While keeping you captive, Joel's sex drive is insatiable, and the sex seemed to be never ending. You tried to warm him you needed to use the bathroom... he didn't listen.

Warnings: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT. Non con. Piss kink. Dacryphilia. PIV sex, oral f!recieving. Smoothing via pillow. Threat of murder, threat of necrophilia (Joel's just trying to scare her.) little smacking. Degredation, daddy kink.

Immersabilty: Reader is fem.

1k works

A/N: I'M BACK!!! I'll chat a lil more in the notes at the bottom and be sure to read the housekeeping but thanks for sticking around <3

You don't have to like piss kink but don't make fun of me okay lol

Support writers! Reblog and comment

******************************

“That’s it baby, cry harder”

As if you had much of a choice. Joel had you here for 2 days by this point, and the man was fucking insatiable. He had explained to you, not that you asked, that he goes in and out of “shifts”, essentially. For a few weeks, he raids and stocks up on all he needs. Then, if he’s got somewhere decent to stay, he’ll take a pretty girl for a week or so and just go insane on sex, food, and any drugs or booze he could get. You were well fed at least, and sometimes Joel let you take a few hits of weed or sips of alcohol to numb you, but other than that he wasn’t giving many mercies.

It had been hours at this point, no refractory period except sometimes to go have a smoke, but 5 minutes later he came back hard and thrusting into your swollen lips.

You were exhausted, spread out naked on your back as Joel knelt before you, thrusting. You just wanted it to be over, sobbing into the pillow you pulled over your face.

“Awwww, little babies embarrassed? Wassamatter, little baby, don’t want me to hear you moaning again?” Joel taunted you with a laugh. He liked laughing at you. He did make you moan, that was the embarrassing part. Joel wasn’t necessarily trying to make you cum, but he did get giddy and gleeful when the stretch of his cock was enough to make you orgasm.

You weren’t entirely sure that’s what was happening right now, but something was off. “Joel…” You whine into your pillow. “My stomach hurts…”

“Why -thrust- the fuck -thrust- do I care?”

“It feels funny…” You hoped maybe he’d stop if you were sick. Not that he cared about your well being, but rather he wouldn’t want you getting sick all over him. Or maybe he was into that. 

“Just shut the fuck up and -mmmph- just fuck’n take it. Always fuck’n whining like you got a hard job.” Joel smacked a tit, making you whimper and clench down.

Then you realized what the feeling was. “Joel, I gotta- MPH!”

Joel shoved the pillow into your face. “Tired of your fucking voice. ‘Joel I need this, Joel I need that!’” He mocked you in a high pitched voice. “Just shut the fuck up before I smoother you and use your cold pussy instead. Bet the rigor would tight’n you up a bit.”

Fresh tears wet your pillow as you wriggle, trying to keep quiet. You needed to pee. Or maybe you were going to cum. Joel had gotten you pretty drunk this time and his dick jamming into your cervix made everything a little hazy, but you needed to pee, and you needed to pee BAD. Still, the struggle to breath was the first concern. It wasn't cutting off all your hair, but it was getting difficult.

You tried to warn him, but Joel simply kept the pillow over your mouth and he filled you up again and again, thick cock stretching you so far you weren’t sure how you were supposed to be any tighter, but men were never satisfied. The pressure continued to build and suddenly you were very confused; was this an orgasm, pee, or both?

Joel was growing erratic above you, and you wondered if he got off, if this would be it for today. You tried to hold it back, never wanting Joel to have the satisfaction, but the combination of the feeling and Joel in your stomach were too much. Unconsciously, you let go.

Joel stops, not pulling back enough to pull out but enough to see you and you release the warm liquid onto him as you cum. “Oh shit” He chuckles. “Did you squirt?” You remove the pillow the your face to catch him looking at your sore cunt as the liquid isn’t stopping and he realizes what was happening. “Ohhhh fuck!” He says gleefully, thrusting into you with renewed vigor.

“That’s it baby, piss on my cock, ooooooh yes, fuck yes, pee on daddy’s fuck’n cock, mmmmm god, gonna- fuuuuck, gonna cum, gonna cum in daddy’s little piss baby.”

You cover your face with your arms as you cry, sensitive as all hell from cumming hard as you relieve yourself, humiliated but knowing he’s close. Just gotta power through.

Huffing, Joel pressed his hand down on your lower stomach, pushing out more pee as you yelped.

“Goooood DAYUM!” Joel shouts loud in your ear as he cums inside you, filling your tired pussy with his cum.

Joel falls on top of you, laughing, his heavy weight nearly as suffocating as the pillow was. A light chuckle turned louder as he laughed harder and pulled away. As Joel pulled his cock out of your soaked folds, he was all but cackling, derangement in his eyes as he looked at the disaster that was the shitty bed you slept on.

“Such a messy girl…” He eyed your cunt, and you whimper. Joel didn’t go down on you. This was for him to get his dick wet, nothing else…

But soon, his mouth was between your legs, lapping at the mix of cum and piss and sweat between you two, his beard a rubbing irritant against your puffy skin. “Such a pathetic little girl” He muttered between breaths, rutting himself against the bed, and you knew he was hard again. “Fuck’n weird, can’t even keep from making a mess of yourself” He growls, licking you clean. “Fuck’n- ohmygod- fucking disgusting little piss Wh-who-oooooremmmm.” Joel came against the bed, just as you were about to come again, and pulled away.

You can’t help the way your body wriggles as the “Nooo” You whine, ever so quiet. You hated how much he made you want him sometimes. 

Joel giggles, awfully pleased with himself. “Nah, baby, I’m done with you for now. Maybe next time you’ll learn to appreciate when I give you this cock.” 

Butt naked, Joel exited the room, telling you to clean yourself up. “You smell.”

*************************

TW depression, skip to the bold for romana housekeeping

I havn't posted much outside an occasional Blessed Be the Fruit and if you follow my main, you kno why. This semester has been incredibly hard on me, a genuine deep depression i han't experienced in a long, long time. It was awful. I nearly hospitalized myself a few times and I should have but I am american and not insured. I was not safe, and was a danger to myself.

Yet, somehow, I managed to get my course work done and I finished the semmester on friday ;-; now i have 2 weeks approximately off from work which isnt ideal but hey, traveling and shit. Then for about a month I'll be working back at day care again before coming back for second semmester soooooo im hoping this free time will allow me to catch up on writing and reading

Housekeeping

As linked above, this is for my event dead dove December! It's for the Oscar Isaac/ Pedro Pascal fandom, and we got so many fun entries including lots of Joel, some triple frontier (santi AND frankie) William tell, and soon some Jack from mojave, rydall keener and more!! Would love for you to join me! if you dont wanna write but like dead dove, search #deaddovedecember2023 I didn't realize at the time there was a similar event for the bucky barnes fandom but they have the same hastag, so if you like bucky, check them out too!

Also, i'm gonna be working on a new series once Blessed be the Fruit and a few on my main end, a dark!triple frontier. Check out the coming soon info, and comment if you'd like a tag!

Be sure to join the new tag list, as i changed my tag options just a little!

@m0nster-fvcker @miraclesabound @fandxmslxt69

[marzipanandminutiae]

Do you have any advice on making a living working in historic preservation? I feel like every opportunity in the field (ex. Local historical societies) is volunteer work, which I do, but I also need money!

:)

:) :) :) :)

I am so sorry but you've hit upon the main employment problem with this field: it is wildly underpaid. Especially if you want to do something with museum content/collections/preservation rather than admin.

The issue is, this system (at least in the US, where I live) started out in the late 19th century being run by people who had a lot of free time and a LOT of money already. Married upper-class women, rich men- often gay, interestingly enough -with academic turns of mind, etc. They didn't need the money, so they built a structure designed to function that way. And for many years a lot of this work continued to be done by volunteers.

Except then people came along with the audacity to want to make a career out of it. Without enough generational wealth to not need payment! Oh no!

So now there are not enough full-time jobs in the field for people who want them, unfortunately. They're out there! But you might have a hell of a time getting into one.

I'd say to look for bigger orgs over small ones, or small orgs in big cities. We love a tiny house museum in the middle of nowhere, but they often have the smallest budgets in a world of small budgets. Also, consider starting out part-time and trying to work your way up (just make sure the org has full-time employees first). Making connections is paramount- I've only had part-time museum jobs so far, but I never got a single one just by applying online. You can, but it helps a lot to have someone say "hey, the Fancyman-Spinsteracademic-Wepromisewe'rereckoningwithslaverynow House is hiring; want me to put in a good word for you?"

Alternately, learn some hands-on preservation skill like carpentry or horology (working with mechanical clocks- PLEASE learn horology if you go this route; all the horologists are 80 and they keep dying) could be a way to get specific talents that historical site museums can't function without and will therefore pay for when the budget allows. In cities with lots of historical architecture that they actually care about preserving- so not NYC, apparently -there are often independent companies that specialize in different aspects thereof. Historical window repair, historical plastering, historical brickwork maintenance, etc. Trying to get hired by one of those is a way to go into preservation without working in museums. Private auction houses or antiques dealers can also be an option, if you're more into the Collections Objects side of things.

I don't mean to make it sound bleak. My eight-year career in museums has been entirely part-time collections/interpretation/admin jobs stitched together, and while I'm sick of the "underpaid and relying on my parents to pay for my insurance" aspect (yes, I freely admit it; I'm a lowkey continuation of the Can't Work In Museums If You Don't Have Family Financial Support tradition and very very lucky to be able to do what I do, and yet even I'M frustrated and tired and over it), it is deeply fulfilling work that I consider highly worthwhile and important. And there ARE avenues to make a decent living in it!

I just want to explain the phenomenon you're seeing and give you realistic expectations.

Best of luck!

[bruh-anator3000]

im obsessed with the Black Cat, I hope that's clear, too. and Miguel. And Logan and Wade, so what if we mashed them all up in a blender and see what happens?

Edit: I didn't mean for this one to get so out of hand, but it did, so its a short story now I guess.

Warnings: sexual themes, hella suggestive, SPOILERS HINTED from the new Deadpool, tension sexy styles, I might get Gambit '97 involved so we can listen to '4 big guys' for part two, it is a love triangle/square, trust and don't worry. Everyone's bisexual. No pronouns for reader used, but written w fem!reader in mind, that's why I'm saying bisexual, but this could just be gay for my amabs.

Parinings: Black Cat!reader x Miguel O'Hara x Logan Howlett x Wade Wilson (uh-huh. I said what I said)

~~~◇◇◇~~~♡♡♡~~~◇◇◇~~~♡♡♡~~~◇◇◇~~~♡♡♡~~

Like, you didn't want to bring your roommates along with you for this heist. God. You didn't even want their sticky fingers on the paper plans. But you were running low on rent, Blind Al was a bitch now that they suspended her coke supply, and your normal crew got sick!

Dr. Boris Korpse was the smartest man alive. He could hack any system, jimmy any lock, and blew the ones he couldn't up. Bruno wasn't the brightest, but he was the bravest. And he had the muscles to prove it. He was a great getaway driver, too. And they were sick.

Wade was smart... enough. Logan was... decently strong. Logan was more of a brute, actually. Careless with his strength when it came to it, but trusting Wade Wilson to drive you home safe? With his self destructive streak? It was safer to have him do the code cracking. Hopefully.

"I wonder how many people caught the earlier exposition is from the actual comics," Wade grunted under his mask, typing in a special security code into the keypad.

Looking around with furrowed brows, he did realize it was just you three, right? You glanced at Logan, wondering if he understood what Deadpool was saying. He only gave a slight shake of his head.

"It's a quick in and out," You reminded the two, walking past the gates as the hissed open, thanks to Wilson. How he knew the password so easily, you didn't know. He said something about 'writer being too lazy to build up to the reveal,' which made it 'easier to follow if he just knew.'

Logan grunted as he followed. It frightened you how well he could retain the plans you've gone over so many times this week. It was great for him, and for you! But also sucked, because they guy replacing your 'smart guy' still needed a refresher.

You take your stance beside the large bars hiding the painting. Idly looking around while Logan let out a primal roar as he pried the gap between the metal bars wider.

"I bet that's what it sounds like when you're close, huh?" Wade snickered, pinching the yellow fabric on his hips. You cringed for several reasons. Wade's constant immaturity. And, God's above, Logan's ridiculous outfit.

Honoring the X-men or not, the yellow was as bright as a trafficlight.

You slipped through the widened gap now, ignoring Wade's whistle behind you. "You do realize this is supposed to be a silent mission?" You sneered, now on the other side of the enclosure.

Wade shrugged. "Don't worry, peaches. Nothing bad ever happens to the sexy ones. Logan might get left behind, but you and me?" His mask hid the way he bit his lip and winked. It looked like he was just staring at you.

"Alright." You sighed and moved on. That was the best way to handle these two. They gave you no other choice. I mean, you could give in and fuck them, but you were planning to save that for later if they did a good job tonight.

With the painting carefully removed, the bars bent back in place, and Wade managing to keep his pants on for a few minutes, all that was left to do was leave. You had Logan carry the painting as you all ran back to the World War 1 exhibit - the way you entered through.

You made sure the two were in front of you the entire time. You couldn't risk them getting lost, their bulk and dead brains might break something if you weren't watching them carefully. And the red and blue lights glowing as you ran past were not any help.

You stopped dead in your tracks. That wasn't your normal bisexual lighting. There were no sirens, either.

You jogged back a few paces, stopping by the archway of one of the many halls in the museum. Face to face with the digital glow of a blue and red mask.

"Hey Spider," Grinning softly, you leaned on the doorway. The Spider-Man hung upside-down on his red wire webs, per usual. You didn't need to see his sexy face to see that stoic pout he always wore.

"Good evening." He greets in that deep voice, hinting with an accent you loved. The red outlines of his eyes squinting as you boop his nose. "Are we really going to do this tonight?" He scowls, and you swoon.

He flips down, landing on his feet. Broad shoulders and thin waist beautifully extenuated by the suit that was more code than fabric. Towering over you, red blades on the back of his forearms.

"At least take your mask off," You taunt. To which he does. When has Miguel ever denied that request? As infuriating as it was, it was also a very freeing day when the two of you finally put the suits aside and fu- talked. In bed.

His brown curls looked neat today. Dark red eyes watching your every move. That pout on his sharp angled face was too cute. He was so grumpy all the time.

He glances behind you, leaning over slightly to look at the damage you've done. "Portrait of Madame X?" He notes the missing piece of work. Thick brow arching in suspicion.

You shrug. "She's an idol of mine." An idol worth 20 million to your buyer. But he didn't need to worry his pretty little head about the details.

"Do you want a 10 second head start?" He offers, placing a hand by your head and leaning in. Keeping you between his hard chest and the wall. His lips parted with a slight smirk.

"Bub, where'd you go?" Logan's gruff voice grows closer. Wade skipping alongside him. Both of them stopping dead in their tracks at the sight of Miguel.

His mask quickly ripples into place and he steps back, snarling. "Who are you?" His eyes dart to the painting you were supposed to be stealing, in some other man's hold. Keeping his body towards and more in between to block you from the other two, he snarls.

"I am soaking wet right now." Wade groans softly, admiring this little stand off. He wasn't kidding, Spider-Man had been in his 'hit' list for a few years now.

Miguel bristles, back going tense. And as great of a view that was, you knew it meant trouble.

"No, they're with me." Grabbing his broad and beefy shoulder, you push him back. Accidentally putting yourself in the middle of this odd triangle you've created.

Miguel glowers at you. "My regulars were out. I needed an extra hand." You shrug it off. That's all they were. Extra hands. In a heist. You totally weren't going to make out with them on the car ride home.

Tension thick, your shoulders weigh down as you look at all three of the men. A tinge of embarrassment hits you as you realize how similar their figures looked. You definitely had a type.

Wade breaks it up, or attempts to with another sentence you don't exactly understand. "Jesus, if the writer would get over themselves, I would fuck you two so hard." He gestures to Logan and Miguel. Earning an angry grunt from both of them that just seems to further his excitement.

"I'm so pissed we have to wait for a part two."

"Part two? Of what?" You raise a brow, looking at Wade.

He waves a hand. They don't get it.

...

But you do. And if you want a part two, please let me know! This was just an idea festering (that got out of hand a little) and I'm not sure what to make with it just yet. I also need a title for this, so if you guys have any suggestions, please let me know. Love you!

[insomniasleeps]

GCS Shorts 2

Deleted scenes of my timkon au (they would have made the cut- well they still might this is just brainrot bc I'm tired of chapters that need logic)

Kon: I kind of like "Kon-El" ngl . Nice name he gave me, it could go as a nickname for Conner too.

Lex: I came up with Conner first. *Rolls eyes*

Lex: Superman is very unoriginal.

Kon: But Mercy told me you used a name generator-

~

Jason: Ok so I know you don't like me that much

Conner: Yeah.

Jason: It was my bad, that kryptonite bullet probably hurt-

Kon: HUh- no I'm not mad at you for shooting me

Jason: What.

Kon: I'm mad bc you got dirt stains on my couch when you broke in :(

~

Tim: *scowls* I don't like you. at all.

Also Tim: *Obsessively checks Kon's entire year's worth of digital footprint* *hides evidence of Kon not being a regular person* *defends Stray from insults on the internet* *hacks into Gotham U's cameras bc he's 'just checking in'* *proceeds to triple seal the still-existing records of Kon's past and doesn't even tell Kon he knows about the pre-Elle Hades behavior*

Kon: I like you. you're nice. *thinks Tim is (pretty) neat*

Tim: *dies of embarrassment bc why tf did he say that TIM IS BI PANICKING*

Jason: fucking gay losers *goes to read his romance mystery novel that has doomed gays*

~ Jason and Tim arguing

Jason: Fuck you, you little fuck-

Tim: That's grammatically incorrect. For all the classical literature you read you sure-

Cass: *Watching them with a raised brow as she stretches for ballet because their body language says they're about to fight*

Cass: Jason. Put the gun away. *Frowns disapprovingly- they can throw hands outside of her practice room*

Jason: *Groans and puts it away, turning to leave*

Cass: Tim. I saw your staff. Turn the taser off.

Tim: *sighs but repockets it and goes back to doing WE work on his laptop*

~

Damian: I hate Drake.

Dick: but you guys get ice cream together after ditching us at Galas all the time?

Damian: We are... on amicable terms despite my distaste towards him.

Damian: He also can hold a decent conversation regarding the behaviors of cats *in Damian terms this means talking about cute cat shenanigans*

Damian: He is also good with Cats. Alfred is a stellar example.

Dick: Oh my god my little brothers are adorable *cries*

*somewhere else*

Tim: *suffering as he coughs- he patted an alley cat that Damian found and his spleenless ass got sick*

Kon: *frowns* Are you ok???

Tim: Yeah, but I might need to be hospitalized

Kon: What?! why

Tim: I don't have a spleen

Kon: *immediately understands bc of the info programmed into him* you don't have an immune system!? TIM THIS IS GOTHAM

Tim: *passes out randomly *

~ Thug 1: ??? why is it so bright rn it's cloudy

Thug 2: *turns around* FUCK ITS THE SIGNAL- AND THE STRAY

Duke: You again *Immediately makes so much light it's as blinding as being close to the sun*

Thug 2: *screaming in pain due to the permanent damage being done to his retinas*

Duke: *realizes someone else is on the job with him and panics to check on his partner (usually works w bats so he's concerned about using his powers despite Kon being a meta)* STRAY ARE YOU OKAY

Kon: *feeling refreshed from the false sunlight* yeah *thumbs up* I feel great wow

Duke: I keep forgetting you're the spawn of Superman, dude *relieved*

Thug 1&2: *blinded but able to hear* HES WHAT-

*Gotham thugs are never the same. What the fuck do you mean the former alley-scruffer-turned-arkham-breakout-fighter- slash-bat-associate is the SON of SUPERMAN the REALLY STRONG ALIEN HERO. They're supposed to fight him??? He can literally turn them into squash on the concrete that he used to wrap around them because OF COURSE if he wasnt already insane this motherfucker has telekinesis*

*But when one of them voices that he interrupts and goes "Well, actually, it's called tactile telekinesis where you-" he proceeds to explain all the things he could do with it, and their horror is growing because what does he mean by "peel your skin off and have it slide right back"- what the fuck- WHY THE FUCK HASNT BATMAN KICKED HIM OUT HES KILLING PEOPLE BY GIVING THEM HEART ATTACKS FROM RISING BLOOD PRESSURE.*

~

*mob boss using a MACHINE GUN on the bats (Robin and Red Robin let's say) while they're knocked out from the gas that spread*

mob boss: why the fuck are they bulletproof what the fuck

*mud monster appearing out of nowhere and covering the bats to take them away while not even dirtying them*

mob boss: *sees it as a demonic creature taking away its masters as he gets knocked on his ass by the concrete and then it wraps around to hold him in place until Batman comes*

mob boss: fucking Gotham is out to get me THE CITY AND THE PEOPLE I JUST GOT BEAT BY CONCRETE

*Batman comes, sees Stray sitting in a corner trying to do his calculus homework on his cellphone*

mob boss: BATMAN- WHOS CHILD WAS SACRIFICED TO SUMMON YOUR FAMILY YOU DEMONS- *gets knocked out by air (Kon)*

Batman: *dry and disappointed but slightly amused* you could have also stopped Red Robin and Robin from inhaling the gas.

Kon: *shrugging as he's working on hw* I was told to stay out because they needed to see who could brave the gas the longest. They were both knocked out at the same time.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - I hand out a couple of high scores & have qualms about pairs

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top. I didn't get many screen shots this week, so welcome to a WALL OF TEXT. Duh duh duh dum.

July 2024 Week 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

We Are Cute (Weds iQIYI) ep 16 fin - TanFang are ridiculous but I have grown to truly love them. ChainPun at the end made me hoot with laughter everyone was a meme of FINALLY. In fact, I loved all the pairs, this was a great ensemble piece.

I was left mildly wondering if Arm will ever lead a BL. 

All in all? 

I really enjoyed this show. It was slow to find its stride (I didn’t get into it until ep 7) but I’m very glad I gave it a chance. It’s a soft ensemble piece with multiple couples and very little plot, but I didn’t care because it’s not trying to be anything more substantial. Essentially this was a series of vignettes covering one year of uni for a queer friendship group finding love, new friends, and laughter. It’s not being harsh with us or it’s characters the way some offerings of this ilk have been (side eyes Friend Zone and Only Friends) nor did it tumble into Gen Y chaos. In fact, this reminded me more than anything of a refined and elevated Love Sick - just with older characters and occurring within a genre that has matured too. It has that close queer friendship group meets earnest gentleness that made me adore Love Sick so much. In other words, this was Thai BL at its finest, finding it roots again 10 years on, but also stretching upwards and showing us what it could do with that original seed. So? I loved it. Did it blow my mind? No. But it left me smiling and made me belly laugh quite a bit. 9/10

Technically it should probably get an 8/10 - too much singing, but I’m bubbling over with nostalgia rn.

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 12 fin - I struggled to watch that fight. But that’s because it was so well done for a BL. Lots of speeches this ep. (I said too cheesy right before Dee did.)

I like Drake & Title as a new ship. Hope it sails. Also some decent ace rep. 

On a totally different note: Good use of frosting. But… you know I’m gonna say it… NO SINGING. 

Final thoughts:

What a FUN show. A charming quintessentially modern Thai BL about a doctor and a boxer who start as a one night stand and then fall in love. Great rep for everything from Muay Thai, to safe sex, to FUN sex, to ace, to bisexuality, to smiley kisses, to the first legal gay wedding in a Thai BL. It’s a delight and I enjoyed (almost) every single moment of it. 

An easy 9/10. 

I do hope we get more GreatInn.

The Rebound (Weds Gaga) eps 7-8 of 12 - So Ryu’s ma is evil? And Frank is giving me serious second lead syndrome. Also he’s been working out a lot. I noticed my dude, thank you. I don't think we've ever gotten this kind of focus on a side dish before. The show is in dangerous territory, since he's so good he's taking attention away from the leads. Also, I think Zen is completely aware of what is going on with this love triangle, he just doesn’t want to put up with their nonsense. I even like the cute side crumbs. 

On a complete aside: why are crime lords in BL always in bathtubs? Asking for… the other genres. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if The Godfather entirely took place in bathtubs? A Real Man has a large… tub. 

And we end with mass murder? WOW! Chaotically played my dearest pulp! 

Century of Love (Weds Gaga) eps 3-4 of 10 - These boys are playing complicated roles with lots of layers to them. Daou is doing a great job. We can see the old man inside this kid. Offroad... I’m not convinced, he’s chewing the scenery a bit. I actually think he has the more layered and complicated part to play. So I'm giving him a chance to subtly show that cheerful façade fracturing with delicacy. But I worry we may be back in JamFilm territory where one partner can’t quite keep up with the other's skillz.

All of this is to say, this is still a better acted piece than I was expecting. (Although the surrounding cast and special effects are doing our leads no particular favors.)

It’s hugely enjoyable but uneven (with those occasional injections of slapstick humor) I’m not entirely sure the production knows what it wants to be. I wish it had the courage of its convictions to lean into the “I feel you linger in the air” aesthetic. Now that I know Thailand can go there, I’m a bit annoyed when a show like this, which should, doesn’t. Which is not to say I’m not enjoying it. I am. A lot. Just that I should probably lower my expectations. Daou, however, is so damn good, he keeps getting my hopes up.

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 3 of 8 - Oh no we have a lonely poor little rich boy. Catnip character for @heretherebedork. Meanwhile, I’m liking the layers of the main romance, with everybody having hidden agendas and such. Nice tension. Of course I love the eroticism around smells. One of my favorite tropes. But I’m not sure I buy the relationship chemistry between the leads when this much lying is going on. 

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 7 of 12 - I am growing to love Fourth's version of this character. He’s so frantic and confused, but in a completely different way from the JBL. It’s a bit more whiny and a bit less cartoonish. But it resonates with me more. He's less of a meme tho. The photo moment! I literally squealed, "Gah!!! They are so cute!"

Linguistic moment. Did you hear in the cupcake section that Half went to rao/ter? Very sweet. (The boys use rao/nai.)

Also, yay for the twist on the school counselor character! Best thing ever. I would like the entire story of Nop & Sin GMMTV, please and thank you. Also… NO SINGING. 

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 6 of 12 - I’m continuing to enjoy this a lot. It’s a fun cast. A touch twee for me, and I’m really hoping they amp up something other than the romance soon, but I don't mind ending my week with these two.

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - I'm enjoying this show so much, just not as a BL (yet). It’s honest to the internship experience of overwhelm (such as I recall, it's been A WHILE). I’m not sure how much BL I’m getting from it thus far. I mean our leads shared a long glance or two but that’s about it. It’s very slow burn. But I don’t mind that since I’m liking the surrounding stuff. Can't stand the girlfriend intern character tho. I hope she get redeemed.  Or killed.

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 6 of 10 - Halfway through I had already finished my drink out of sheer boredom.  Trash watch here.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 9 of 12 - Frankly I’m finding this relatively dull right now. Lovely kisses tho. Best and Seng are great together, consummate BL pros, not a pair I had on my bingo card. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - I like how much we can see K’s intense liking and emotional need for this loud broken kid. And how easy it is for him to admit to that truth. Because what he’s going through is so much worse than admitting to having feelings. The acting is fantastic. Sometimes I forget how great Japan can be. And then they decide to remind me. Oh, it’s SO GOOD. 

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - Another one I’m finding boring. Just japan’s version. The vintage yaoi “old dude creep trope” I see. It’s been a while. 

It's airing but...

Meet You at the Blossom - it's your funeral (or, more likely, one of the main characters'). You can argue but... statistics. You know my feelings on this matter. MY BLOG, remember?

GIF by mypotatokun

In case you missed it

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. Devastated this hasn't had international distribution. I demand you tell me the moment you find it!

The Last Time (Thai Fri YT) - Got bumped to Aug 2. Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

July Releases Still To Come

7/24 I Saw You in My Dream (Thai Weds Gaga) - Dee Hup is behind this one so I have high hopes. Younger boy chronically teased his whole life by the older boy next door suddenly starts having horrific prophetic dreams about his bully and must save him.

7/26 4 Minutes (Thai Netflix or iQIYI?) - Great, a rich boy studying business at uni, suddenly gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future.

7/29 Battle of the Writers (Thai ????) - trailer here, TutorYim return, and while I adore them, I really hope this is better than Middleman's Love. Won't be hard. However: the premise? Ugh. Something something authors fighting - save me. Why don't writers understand that nothing is more boring than writers?

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

No time this week, I'm having computer issues.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[crusty-chronicles]

As requested, I present to you ✨

Hiei Bringing His Airheaded S/O To Demon World

Absolute chaos

The entire time he regrets bringing you there.

He only did so because he was tired of you crying everytime he left. Even though he always came back to you no matter what, idiot.

Truthfully, he prefers you staying in the living world because there's less things that could kill you.

No bloodthirsty demons salivating at the scent of you. No carnivorous plants waiting for you to aimlessly stumble into. And no threats of kidnapping and being used for ransom.

It's not like you can't take care of yourself, but the chances of a someone or something taking advantage of your naivety are high

Which is why he specifically tells you to stay close to him.

“If you get lost here, I won't try to find you.” It was a small warning that he'd never really follow through with. But he needed you to take this seriously.

“But you found me when I got lost on my way home that one time.”

“I mean it this time.”

He has to keep a constant eye on you at all times.

Even going as far as holding your hand to keep you in place.

Which is very humiliating for him. The three eyed demon not used to openly showing his affections.

His first stop is Mukuro's base. To which you responded ‘Why is it moving??? I think I'm gonna get motion sickness.’

Because of his constant supervision, he isn't really able to do his job.

And so it begins.

He needs his Jagan, so it's either you or the other poor humans who stumbled past the makai barrier.

Guess who he chooses most of the time.

The few times he does leave you, he makes sure you're occupied with something.

“Go spar with those new recruits over there while I'm gone.”

“Okay!”

Bless those poor demons. They never stood a chance.

Hiei warned Mukuro beforehand about you.

How you're decently strong but don't have a single thought in your head.

She didn't believe him at first. At least, not until she met you in person.

How you managed to bust a hole in the wall by tripping, she'd never know. She saw it happen, but she still doesn't understand how it's possible.

Hiei introduces you to her and immediately regrets it.

“You’re a liar! You said you didn't have any friends.” You pointed out, causing the three eyed demon to tense up.

“I don't. Mukuro's an ally.”

“We both know it's the same for you.”

He's actually mad you're smart enough to figure that out but not why you shouldn't eat glass.

He's pretty embarrassed about your relationship. Not because he's ashamed of you. Couldn't be any further than the truth. He relishes in the fact you're so strong, paired along with your heart that has more kindness than he's able to fathom.

No, Hiei is embarrassed because here he's respected. His reputation is infamous and he's regarded highly. Known to be cruel yet reasonable.

But here he is telling you not to wonder off like some worried parent.

Here he is inspecting the smallest of cuts on your finger and healing it.

It's just so embarrassing for him to be soft in front of others who aren't you.

“So this is the one that has you returning to the human world.” Mukuro teased.

But Hiei wouldn't take the bait.

“I don't know what you're talking about.

Only for you to come up to him with a small gem. Presenting it proudly to him.

“Hiei! Look what I found! Isn't it pretty?”

It's a ruby. Something you'd told him reminds you of his eyes. It makes a tinge of red appear on his face.

But Hiei's a stubborn demon.

“And what do you expect me to do with it?” A tone that would sound cruel to anyone but you.

“Maybe I could turn it into a necklace like the one you gave me.”

“That's a ridiculous idea.”

It was inevitable something would happen to you on this trip. A lot of demons were still bitter about the outcome of the tournament. And with Hiei's involvement with the reform, you were only a huge target.

He ends up wearing it for the rest of the trip. Guarding it with his life. Much to the amusement of the Mukuro and her henchmen.

He came back to the base expecting to see you waiting, but you weren't there.

He didn't waste a second using his Jagan to find you.

He fully prepared to end the life of whatever demon decided to mess with his mate, but when he found you, you'd already taken care of it.

Save for a few scratches on your arm, you were completely fine.

It led to Hiei scolding you for walking off with someone you didn't know. Promising this would be the last time you ever came here for acting so reckless, and that you weren't to leave his side for the rest of the time you were here.

It proved that he was right with you staying in the living world. It was safer for you. And he had Kurama to take care of you if anything happened. You were completely alone here.

“How come you didn't want me to come here?” You asked while he went over your injuries once more.

His answer came immediately.

“Because I knew you wouldn't be able to stay out of trouble.”

“Hey, it's not my fault that guy wanted to fight. How was I supposed to know he wasn't a part of Mukuro’s army?”

He glared up at you.

“You're an idiot.” Then his gaze softened. A look reserved only for you.

“…But you're my idiot, therefore my responsibility. I can't have you getting hurt on my watch.”

What kind of mate would he be if he couldn't even take care of you in his element?

You sat in silence for a while, and he briefly wondered if he went too far. You usually never took his harsh words to heart. He was relieved when he heard you speak again.

“You seem to really like it here. I wouldn't blame you if you decided to stayed after all one of these days.”

You still thought he would just abandon you? Truly your naivety infuriated him.

“In case I haven't made my intentions clear before, I come back for you and you only. Yet you still doubt my devotion. If you expect me to stay in the living world forever with you, you shouldn't.” But I'll always come back for you. Words he'd said over and over again.

An idea struck you then.

“We could stay here if you want. Get all old together. Maybe start a family.”

He couldn't stop the heat crawling onto his face. The way the red seemed to glow from his flustered state. He had to look away from you and move back.

“As if. I have no intentions to keep you here, nor procreate with someone who can't even tie their shoe.”

He heard you laugh and the red only worsened from there.

He didn't like the effect your words had on him.

Tempting him with something so sweet. Something that would inevitably give him even more of a weak spot.

But you weren't meant for this world. Your home was on the other side of this barrier. And his was with you.

For now this arrangement of being with you periodically would work.

[everybodyshusband]

uhhh in My Feels™️ so woe, ansgt be upon ye !!!

disabled rain, angst, hurt/not much comfort, it's just sad and a bit weird and bad i'm sorry ksdfjnsfkdf divider by the icon that is @/wrathofrats

Rain is a jealous ghoul. He’s always known it.

It’s fun, sometimes. Fun to let his packmates play with his jealousies until he just can’t help but snap. Until he’s got one of them over his lap, turned on beyond belief, skin red hot, as they beg for his mercy. As they apologise for daring to belong to anyone but him.

So yes, his jealousy is fun, but he never expected for it to manifest like this.

The first time, he thought he was just overtired. Anger boiling inside of him caused by lack of sleep the previous night rather than jealousy of one of his packmates. After all, this is a stupid thing to be jealous about, and the night before, well… He’d been rather too busy being taken apart inch by painstaking inch by Zephyr to really have had any modicum of decent sleep at all. So again, why was he jealous? Why is he still jealous? What motive did he have to be jealous of the ghoul that was in his bed only the night before?

It wasn’t until Aeon was summoned that he figured it out. Until the sensation of his blood boiling could be tied to more than just an abstract feeling of annoyance bubbling under his skin. With Aeon, he’s never felt his usual jealousy—the quintessence ghoul is in his bed more often than not, so why would he? What he has felt however, has been that awful, sick feeling of hatred every time that new ghoul stumbles. Complains of his ailments. Asks to borrow one of Zephyr’s old canes or pairs of forearm crutches for stability on a particularly bad day.

That’s when it had all clicked together. Aeon. Zephyr. Sometimes even Mountain or Cumulus.

But never Rain.

His jealousy stems from the fact that they get help. They are allowed to be in pain, to be uncomfortable. They have a reason. They have been seen by Omega, by Aether, by the team in the infirmary, and they all have something different about them.

Rain doesn’t.

Rain, with the hyperextended legs that apparently cause him no medical difficulties and yet still stumbles during practice or onstage. Rain, with the perfect iron count whose vision still turns to static when he stands up. Rain, with joints that ache, bones that pop, a head that never quite seems to be able to pay attention as well as the others, but he’s fine. No matter how hard he presses that something is wrong, he’s fine. Nevermind that he’s been Up Top for years, nevermind that he’s done all that he can to treat this on his own. Nevermind that he’s getting worse. He’s fine, at least that’s what Aether had told him the last time he took a trip to the infirmary.

So yes, he’s jealous. He’s jealous of Zephyr’s chair on their bad days and the fact that Aeon feels no shame in asking to borrow mobility aids from ghouls that aren’t using them. He’s jealous that Cumulus only needs to ask Aether for a wrist splint before one is in her lap, being meticulously fastened by the quintessence ghoul himself. He’s tried to reign it in, the intensity of his emotions about this, but no matter how hard he tries, he just can’t. He knows it’s not anyone’s fault, least of all Aeth’s or Meg’s—they’re just doing their jobs, there’s protocol they have to follow—but that knowledge doesn’t stop the jealousy, the aggravation, the hatred of his beloved packmates for simply existing in a way that he’s not allowed to. For getting help in a way that he’s too scared to ask for.

He often thinks that perhaps this is why he’s so angry, so jealous. It’s his own fault he can’t—won’t—ask for help from any of them. He knows he’s allowed to. He knows that Aether and Omega would be more than happy to bend the rules a little to help him out, or that Zephyr wouldn’t mind lending him a (literal) something to lean on when Rain needs it. But he’s scared. Scared that if they can help, he won’t be in pain anymore and he’s been lying this whole time. And scared that if they can’t, that he’s unfixable, untreatable. That this vessel is just another one of God’s mistakes that Satan never bothered to fix. Maybe it is. Maybe there’s no fixing him. No helping him.

He hopes that’s not the case. As much as getting whatever this is fixed scares him, he knows he can’t go on like this forever. His pack knows it too. Zephyr had noticed it first. They’d sat him down one day in their room and had simply waited until it had all come pouring out in a mess of tears and snot and helplessness. Since then, the pack have known what’s been happening and as a collective, they’ve been doing their best to help him. It’s nice, he thinks. For them to be so kind to a being as broken as himself. One day he’ll try his best to repay them all. For now though, he just needs to work up the energy to swing his legs over the edge of his mattress, to muster up the courage to call Aeon and ask for his help, and maybe a cane.

Or maybe he’ll just stay in bed a while longer...

[namgyunation]

Me talking abt random "hcs" / general long ass ramblings and infodump about Nam-gyu under the cut. I talk a lottt. Can you tell I'm obsessed with him? LMAO. Last edited [2/2/25]

My general headcanons and ramblings about how I imagine pre-game Nam-gyu's life to be like. Prepare for my Gigantic block of text

I love quotes. Sooo, to quote Roh Jaweon, "[Nam-gyu] seems like he's carrying a lot of pent-up resentment."

I think it's pretty safe to say that Nam-gyu probably didn't grow up with a warm, supportive family or a similar environment. I like to imagine he's the youngest of a decent amount of siblings. I think this would tie in nicely to his endless desire for approval, his need to feed his ego, and his many angry outbursts. I like to hc that he's the youngest of 4 boys, his older brothers being fairly successful. he was the 'runt' of his family, always being pushed around by his brothers as they grew up. he is fairly timid around them, knowing that they would rock his shit if he attempted to speak out against them / stand up for himself, leading to his behavior towards others outside of his family. he takes out his anger and desire to be seen as an equal to his brothers on people weaker than him. I hc his parents to be run-of-the-mill but very strict, pushing their children to succeed. They wouldn't dole out praises often unless they felt it was truly deserved. Probably not the most affectionate or communicative, either. Nam-gyu's constant search for validation and acceptance, his tendency to assert himself over others to feel superior, and his overall timid, awkward, and cold demeanor would stem from this treatment. He'd definitely carry a lot of resentment for his family for looking down on him his whole life, essentially 'othering' him. (Also, now that I have this thought, I think of that scene in the bathroom where Thanos is confronting Myung-gi before the fight, and Nam-gyu acts like a little kid tattling on someone, whispering to Thanos about Jun-hee (Myung-gi's girlfriend), nodding and smiling all goofy when Thanos remembers, and it just makes me laugh thinking that maybe he exhibited similar childish behavior with his older brothers in order to gain their approval. Idk it's just funny to me thinking about it).

He never finished university, or if he did, he never got far with his degree. Or, maybe he did get a job with it, got sick of it, and decided to fuck off and just be a club promoter that sleeps around and takes any kind of drugs he can get his hands on. I could see him at a 'normal' job trying to play nice with his coworkers at first to appease his parents and then immediately being put off by the suck-up culture that was required in order to get ahead, his complete disinterest in the people there, the power dynamics that put him on the bottom yet again, just like his life at home, ultimately leading to him quitting, much to his parents' dissapointment. Alternatively, maybe he lies to his parents about still working a normal, acceptable job worthy of their approval that upholds their ability to brag about their 4 successful sons, meanwhile he's shooting up random shit into his bloodstream and getting fucked up at Club Pentagon, LOL. Although they mistreat him, he still longs for their approval, opting to keep up the facade of a normal, successful son that is socially adjusted and a functioning member of society.

Around the time leading up to him being recruited for the Squid Games, he wouldn't be talking with his family much, if at all. (Continuing on with the alternative hc where he hides his true job from his parents and family). He lives alone in a dingy apartment, which acts more as a place for him to do drugs, waste away his life, and host people that he's trying to gain the attention and approval of that would in turn boost his own status and ego. Despite resenting his parents for looking down on him and his brothers for putting him down and pushing him around his whole life, without any constants in his life, he wanders around like a lost puppy looking for something / someone to latch on to.

I don't think he was always into drugs or really had a desire to do them until he got a job at the nightclub. I imagine he got pressured into it by people he wanted to impress and maybe had flashbacks to his brothers pushing him around, calling him a wuss, dork, etc. that pushed him into doing the drugs, which naturally segwayed him to continue taking drugs that got more and more serious as time went on (Also tying into how he was so fidgety and nervy during the games and clearly held a grudge and a deep-set resentment against Se-mi for making fun of him during the pentathlon and calling him 'shaky hands.' The casual insult seemed to really touch a nerve for him, as it directly went against the tough, commanding nature he clearly wanted to exude and reminded him of the past treatment he faced from his brothers).

He acted out a lot in school, always attention-seeking even if said attention was negative. Got into a lot of fights and would win/get his ass beat on a pretty good 50/50. Rolled with a lot of the 'tough' kids and tried to assimilate into their group to feel bigger and cooler than he really was. Probably didn't get the best grades and slacked off a lot.

Definitely has a lot of friends and those that were generally close to him die due to drug usage. I like to think that he's no stranger to death, although that doesn't make it any less traumatizing. This has led to attachment issues, clinginess, codependency, and a constant fear of abandonment and being fully on his own, coupled with the way his family made him feel his whole life. He takes drugs as a distraction from his actual life and as a way to pretend that he's not actually alone a lot of the time. His job pushes constant social interaction and makes him feel more grounded and tethered to the world around him, but it also fucks him up mentally since people around him are always coming in and out of his life, whether it's by choice or force (eg. using him for drugs and then leaving, using him for sex and then leaving, using him to get special treatment at the club then leaving, maybe genuinely caring abt him and form an actual bond with him only to die from a drug overdose later on OR actually progress in life and ultimately leave him behind in his addiction).

(Okay, self-indulgent one here because I'm obsessed with the idea of Nam-gyu having a long-term partner before the games that ended up leaving him after he got into severe debt). He is toxic as fuck in any relationship he is, especially when it comes to romantic ones. He's possessive, clingy, obsessive, controlling, a gaslighter, etc. etc. you know. He's with his partner for a long time, them being the one constant in his life that he learns to depend on (also another hc, extremely dependent. He struggles to do anything by himself/without support). His partner stays with him through it all, although they grow more and more frustrated and agitated with his actions and continued drug addiction that drives their savings into the ground. Naturally, they also fear for his mental and physical well-being, pleading with him to go to rehab before he ends up overdosing like a lot of his friends. It's at this time that he invests a majority of his money into crypto while high (and losing it, of course), and I think the final nail in the coffin would be him stealing his partner's money for drugs since he barely has any left. Then, when everything culminates: his partner finding out he stole their money and blew it all on drugs, him losing all his money from the bad investment, and his addiction being in full swing combined with a complete lack of support/genuine bonds outside his partner, they end up having a big, messy argument that leads to their partner storming out and leaving him for good. This sends Nam-gyu spiralling, leaving him in a sickeningly vulnerable state that makes him the perfect candidate for Squid Games. (I'm gonna try to write a fic about this eventually!) Also, I view him as generally bisexual / unlabelled / not really giving a fuck as long as he gets to have sex. "If there's a hole there's a goal," as they say. However, if he were bisexual, I think he would 100% be closeted and probably have some internalized homophobia towards himself.

Okay, on to the shorter, more concise headcanons LOL.

Promiscuous. I think he spent a lot of time sleeping around during university in an attempt to affirm his masculinity and ego that his brothers constantly damage(d). Getting lots of partners, getting complimented, and feeling wanted makes him feel good about himself. I think he would further sleep around while working at the nightclub, as well as constantly being flirty and hitting on guests that he tries to get to come to the club (I remember it being stated that he was a 'club promoter' for Club Pentagon, which is where I'm getting that from). Probably gets really offended when his advances get rejected, leading to him calling people 'bitches' / 'cunts', as seen by his behavior in Squid Game. Besides drugs, I feel like sex would be his vice/addiction.

He wears glasses but usually opts for contact lenses. However, his vision is decent enough that he can function without glasses. He prefers not to wear them because he feels that he looks 'dorky.'

He doesn't eat much healthy foods. His diet and self care isn't the best, and he often has to set reminders for simple tasks so that he doesn't forget to eat, do his laundry, etc. since he's always so focused on drugs, taking drugs, where to get drugs from, and how much money he has left to spend on drugs.

He wears his hair in a ponytail sometimes, especially when he goes to work. It helps him keep his hair out of the way if he's snorting something ^__^

He grows his hair out, not necessarily for the style, but so he doesn't have to constantly get a haircut or have to worry about maintenence. Sometimes he even cuts his own hair.

Not the best fighting skills. Maybe this is canon. Did you see him fall down when he kicked Myung-gi who was literally on the ground already?? He is still decently strong and experienced with at least being in fights, which is consistent with guys his age and height, but he tends to randomly throw his arms / legs around in uncoordinated ways when put under pressure.

A surprisingly good cook, which was a part of him that slowly withered away once he got addicted to drugs.

Wears a lot of baggy clothing and name brands.

His style is fairly simple, a lot of neutral tones: black, grey, white, etc. Nothing too flashy. I think this is evident in his jewelry/accessories too (two simple rings, simple black wristband, simple silver chain)

The chain that he always wears in the games is from his mom as a graduation gift.

I like to think that the other accessories he wears all hold some sort of sentimental value to him as well. Considering I don't think he'd be the type of guy to try and dress flashy, I think he'd be very deliberate with the accessories he puts on and attach some sort of meaning to them. His rings could be from friend(s) that he no longer talks to (or lost to drugs), and I like to think his leather wristband is from his (now ex) partner :3

Very possessive, jealous, and clingy (the clingy part is basically canon, though) over people he deems close friends / his partner

Random, but he prob owns a couple of fidget toys that he randomly plays with to keep his hands busy and prevent him from going through his drug stash too quickly.

Likes wearing anything with zippers / pockets because it allows him to fidget with them. His jewelry also acts as a good constant fidget that he can keep on his person (specifically his rings, he doesn't mess around with his necklace).

Gets cold easily

Chronic nail biter, addicted to caffeine, and often plays with his hair

Insomniac

I also wanted to ramble about this one post I saw on Tiktok. I'm sure many Nam-gyu fans have also seen it. It was the post where someone was analyzing his character and saying they believed he didn't really gaf about Thanos and was just using him as a "mouthpiece", Nam-gyu being a puppet master etc. I can definitely see where they're coming from, and although I do enjoy that concept, I just don't think that's really what Nam-gyu's character was meant to be.

Before I say anything, this is not about Tha//gyu. I view the two of them as friends (although I can enjoy the ship in an AU!) in canon. I just don't think their relationships fits into either of the two extremes that I see talked about by people, which is "Nam-gyu secretly hated Thanos and was just using him to get through the games and for his drugs. He didn't actually care about him at all" or "Nam-gyu was OBSESSED with Thanos and jealous of everyone that talked to him!!! They were in love and Nam-gyu wanted this man all to himself <3"

Simply, I don't think Nam-gyu was just "using" Thanos. He clearly cared about him to an extent. Nam-gyu is a selfish, opportunistic, egotistical coward (I still love him though). He is not at all within the capacity to lead/command a room in the confident way that Thanos seems to be naturally able to. I also don't think Nam-gyu would've done half the things he did in Squid Game if Thanos wasn't there to initiate it, either. He just seems like he'd be so TIMID without someone / a group to back him up. I feel that he would not have taken initiative against MG coin without someone by his side or bullied him as hard as he did, especially with In-ho there. As said by Roh Jaewon (Nam-gyu's actor), "He's one of those guys who's only strong around people weaker than him, but falls apart around anyone stronger." And to quote this article I found about him because I liked how they worded it, "[Nam-gyu] shifts his demeanor to fit the changes in power dynamics." I imagine without Thanos, he would've fallen apart due to his own nerves and just overall off-putting and aggressive personality that would've repelled people from him. He was just as scared as everyone else in that room, and Thanos seemed to be the one familiar face in the games (minus Myunggi / MG coin), along with the fact that they share similar interests / hobbies (namely: drugs, clubbing, being sleazy assholes, etc.), and of course, the fact that they've met before and Nam-gyu is clearly a huge Thanos fanboy. He latched on to Thanos for a variety of reasons: familiarity, clout from the fact he's a famous rapper, and an alliance in the games. Then the drugs, of course.

He cared about Thanos before he even found out about the drugs, yes. Him having drugs just so happened to be a huge plus for Nam-gyu, him being an addict. And when I say the word 'cared', I don't think it was like. Super deep. I don't think they were in love or anything, but I just believe that Nam-gyu genuinely didn't want him to die lmao and had some sort of concern for his life, with or without the incentive of being able to get drugs from him.

Then at the scene where he's on Thanos's bed after the bathroom fight, he held the cross and was clearly emotional, trying not to cry. He spoke angrily, saying that Thanos "treated him like an idiot." He was angry, yeah, but gave a fuckkk about what Thanos thought of him. He wanted his approval SO bad. He thought of Thanos as a friend and clearly had intentions of staying friends with him past the games. He wanted Thanos to get his damn name right!!! He wasn't an evil scheming puppet master collecting people for his own benefit (with Min-su? Ok sure. But I would definitely not say the same for Thanos). Nam-gyu was fanboying over Thanos as soon as he saw him, although he tried to act casual (eg. the scene where he rushes up to Thanos to take a picture with him). It was clear that Nam-gyu cared for Thanos's approval, validation, and companionship in the 'OMG cool celebrity / idol please be my friend and think I'm cool too kind of way'. So, similar to the way Gyeong-su was acting towards Thanos, except Gyeong-su wasn't afraid to show it outwardly lolol.

In short: I don't think Nam-gyu was an evil puppet master with these brilliant schemes up his sleeve. He was/is just as scared as everyone else in that room, although he pretended not to be. He formed natural alliances to dampen his fear and hopefully survive. He latched onto Thanos out of familiarity and recognition of a 'stronger' person and someone who is a 'fighter', and it helped him get through the games with a pretty solid alliance. It made him feel invincible, like he could escape death.

He said he tells himself that he doesn't care if he dies, and that's what gets him through everything, but he clearly does. He fuelled his huge ego by putting Min-su down to make himself feel strong, but he clearly felt safer with Thanos around him as an ally. After Thanos's death, it's clear that this comfort / illusion of being above death and not caring if he were to die crumbles apart. He's alone now, really, really alone. Now he has to face his own thoughts and the gravity of the situation that he's in without a drugged up, energetic, loudmouth friend by his side to distract him from the grim possibility of death.

Nam-gyu is a coward starved for approval of those that he deems 'above' him, egotistical / suffering some sort of superiority complex, and filled with nerves.

Uhhh yeah.

A bit of a long blurb about nothing really, but I just wanted to touch on that Tiktok because I couldn't fully agree with it. This isn't necessarily/at all about Th//an/gyu either, I just feel like Nam-gyu genuinely cared about Thanos and isn't some sort of evil scheming villain mastermind, is all. He is simply a scared dude with an ego, a desire to be seen as anything but, and a wholeee bunch of personal issues.

[unforth]

How did it feel to go from the 80’s to the explosion of acceptance around the 2010’s? In terms of being queer?

hm, interesting question. First, a couple disclaimers: I am not an expert in queer history, I was not involved in queer activism in anyway growing up, and no one in my family was queer. I was born in 1982 and am currently 42, and my mother had a lot of gay friends, but she intentionally sheltered us (my brother and I) from a lot of that once they all started dying from AIDs. For my own queerness, I worked through a lot of identities because I was an extremely confused asexual who didn't actually learn that asexuality existed until I was 30; I'm afab and was already married to a woman before I realized I was ace (I now ID as aroace, agender.).

All that said, I grew up in New York City, in a very accepting city and with a very accepting family. I knew queer people from a young age and my mom was sick of watching her friends die and got involved as she could (she was a New York City public school high school teacher; a lot of queers gravitated toward public schools because it was a stable job with decent pay and no one would care if they weren't married, in fact it was often considered a plus in the 60s and 70s for teachers to be single, and when mom got pregnant with my brother in 1976 she says multiple other teachers pressured her to quit because okay fine she was married and a teacher, but married and a teacher WITH KIDS? Appalling. needless to say she didn't quit.)

Anyway. Sorry. I lost the thread.

Honestly, the answer to this question is: utterly unbelievable.

If you had told 1990s about-to-start-high-school me that this is where we'd be in my lifetime I'd have thought you were out of your goddamn mind. I was obsessed with To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar. I'd walked in AIDs walk and raised money with my mom every year starting in 1990. Mom and I saw the original off-Broadway production of Hedwig and the Angry Inch and the original Broadway production of Rent. I was about as in-the-loop and accepting as a kid in that era could be, and I spent my college years thinking I was bi (I feel the same about everyone! that's bi, right? lmao, so young and clueless). And I never, never thought that nationwide gay marriage was even in the cards. I never dreamed that trans people would be able to live as openly as they do now. I didn't even really think we could do much about AIDs beyond slowing the spread.

I am only 42. I don't even consider myself middle-aged yet (though I'm definitely getting close to that particular tipping point). I grew up with my mom's even older stories, about being friends with the gay men at Cornell when she was in college in the early 60s, and her discussions of how far things had come in HER life (she's 80 now) and yet I was the one who pointed out that my great uncle, who died before I was born, was clearly mostly definitely bi and maybe gay (the look on her face when I said that and she realized I must be right. I keep meaning to post some of Natie's photographs.)

When my wife and I got married in 2013 we planned where to live, where we could travel, where we'd have kids, all around where it would be safe. My wife has health problems; if we traveled and something happened to her, we had to be sure that we were in a state where they would recognize our marriage and let me visit her, or else we wouldn't go there.

Sorry. I'm not holding the thread of narrative in this post well, I've been pretty sick with strep throat and my brain is just refusing to make this very coherent, and also it's just... so much. The amount I've seen, how far we've come, since I was a kid, is so fucking much.

I still sometimes don't believe how far we've come, nor how quickly we've done it.

And that's exactly why conservatives are shaking in their boots. These trends challenge all the things they believe true about the nature of authority and societal control. If they let up for an instant, then they'll have to accept that cis hetero white christian men actually have never been any better than anyone else, and their whole worlds will crumble, and that scares them to death because they're also old, most older than I, and they remember exactly what every queer person when I was a kid lived with. They remember Matthew Shepard, and all the hate crimes that the queer community survived, they remembered all the slurs that we've strived to reclaim and how they were used such that we had to reclaim them, and they really think that equality is a demotion for them, and that true equality would mean they're subject to the same things they've subjected us to, and that terrifies them.

Ugh, sorry, rambling again.

What I think about the changes is that they're fucking amazing, and that if I could somehow convince 13-year-old me that any of this would happen, she'd have sobbed with joy. Especially about the asexual part lmao.

We're in a down-swing of acceptance now, but the pendulum still won't go back to where we were during the AIDs crisis, much less back to where things were a hundred years ago.

We've come so far.

We're not going back.