#I'm sick of this. I'm sick of being decent at my job but not being able to handle the reality of how stressful it is.
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aberooski · 2 years ago
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It's astounding how one thing can ruin your entire day and destroy your entire emotional state.
#every single fucking time i try to apply for something i get ghosted or rejected#like i fucking get it i have no value or place in society you can stop throwing it in my face already#and every single time my whole family is just all ''you just have to keep looking you'll find something it'll be fine''#fuck right off with that shit#it's gotten to the point that I'm sobbing in my bedroom because I got rejected by the fucking aldis down the street from my house#and for a fucking part time position at that. I get it. i didn't work until college then only worked on campus. and went to school for music#but i have too much anxiety to be a teacher and am just not that kind of person. i have no skills or experience so fuck even trying for#anything even remotely halfway decent#I haven't worked in over a year since I graduated and the longer it gets the harder it is to get back into working yknow?#your value just decreases every fucking second so no one will give me the time of fucking day#i kinda had a job for like a fucking week last month that I didn't even want I was pushed into it and I hated it and cried so much#every day I actually almkst made myself sick from the crying and intense anxiety and then a week in they were like hey we like you and all#you're a good person and a very nice girl you're just no right for here so we're firing you essentially. so now I'm even more fucked#I've never felt more lost and more like the universe had no place for me anymore#and being in singing in the rain at my community theater was the only good thing I had in my life where I felt I had a place again#but the show's over now so I'm back to having nothing and nowhere and just don’t know what to do anymore#no wonder I can't fucking write anymore I'm just too sad all the time#abby's self deprication hour#abby's serious corner#I did make some progress in the mario crossover the other day when I felt pretty good actually though so that's something right?#I'm trying I really am
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fortunately-bi · 7 months ago
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Uh oh
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butwilltherebealcohol · 1 year ago
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hilarious that anyone and everyone, doctors and nurses alike included are like "pink eye??? thats hella contagious u need to be like quarantined for a bit" except my manager at my Physical Examination Of People And Drawing Their Blood With Needles Job is like "well.....if your coworkers are okay with it just come on in :)"
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pigaletta · 1 year ago
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#Being in vet med is so damn bleak all the time because whenever you get hope there's always some drawback that basically nullifies it.#looking for a clinical pg with rank 183 in the country but whoops can't go to your own state#and other states universities will put you in a college in buttfuck nowhere rather than their best ones#like...I am so fucking tired. Every time I try to fight my depression something comes back and reinforces it harder.#it's things like this that make me want to leave the field and do something less heavy even if the hours are longer#whenever. WHENEVER I talk to a vet it's just bleak. Everything sucks everywhere. It's a matter of choosing your hell.#EVEN THE HAPPIER VETS#And there's no promise that if I try to go abroad I won't get crippling depression there too.#like. why do I try? why didn't I choose to go to NISER when I had the chance?#Why didn't I pick a job where I can just sit at a computer all day and not have to talk to anyone#how much do airport ground staff earn? maybe I could be a tug driver. Maybe I could have done some degree to become a flight mechanic.#why didn't I know when I finished school that my mental health is fragile as fuck and I need a job that doesn't make it this much worse#I'll run a photostat shop. I'll learn to fix laptops. Anything.#People raise families with that kind of income. Surely I can look after myself with it.#Why is everything bleak all over the world all the time in veterinary medicine? why is there no silver lining anywhere?#I'm sick of this. I'm sick of being decent at my job but not being able to handle the reality of how stressful it is.#I'll do any manual labour job day in and day out six and a half days a week for my whole life but this is just killing me#rant#I'm unrealistic and ungrateful and addicted to quick dopamine#but god I wish I wasn't suffering from depression of varying degrees since 2015.#vent#personal
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garbageconnoisseur · 7 months ago
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Homeless LGBT couple needs help with shelter/food! (PRIDE Edition!)
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Hello everyone.
It's unfortunate, but things haven't improved much this past month. We have been struggling a lot with making ends meet and between the heat and both of us being sick, we're not holding up well. Right now, I'm just asking for help affording food and a motel room for us to shelter in while we recover and look for work. I cannot be outside too long right now in this heat and my stomach has been a mess so we really need a room. I'm trying my hardest to find a decent job to get us out of this mess but it's been slow going.
It's pride month so please consider sending a bit of relief our way, or even just reblogging this so others can. Any help is appreciated.
Venmo: @garbageconnoisseur
CashApp: $garbageconnoisseur
PayPal: @garbageconnoisseur
(Please, not hate or unsolicited advice. I don't have the strength to deal with it and I will block you.)
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harunayuuka2060 · 9 months ago
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Savanaclaw students: Wait— Is that Yuurin?
Yuurin: *running laps*
Savanaclaw student A: *shouts* HEY!!! YUURIN!!!
Savanaclaw student A: HOW MANY LAPS ARE YOU DOING?!!
Yuurin: *signals with her hand that she's doing 50 laps*
Savanaclaw student A: Oh. Okay. That's not bad.
Leona: *sips his coffee* She meant last 50 laps.
Savanaclaw students: Eh?
Ruggie: Yuurin woke up at 4AM.
Leona: Yeah. The lady already finished 100 laps.
Savanaclaw students: ...
Savanaclaw student B: HEY, YUURIN!!! TAKE SOME WATER BREAK!!!
Savanaclaw students: YUURIIIIIIN!!!
Leona: You don't feel sleepy at all after running like that?
Yuurin: No. Actually, I feel wide awake.
Leona: ...
Leona: You remind me of an Arctic tern.
Yuurin: ...
Yuurin: I don't think that animal suits me.
Leona: It does. Here. I bought you a hairpin that looks like one.
Yuurin: ...
Leona: This will look good on your hair.
Yuurin: ...
Leona: You didn't need to send a photo to your parents, did you?
Yuurin: No.
Leona: That's good. *clips the hairpin on her*
Yuurin: ...Thank you, housewarden.
Leona: You're too formal. Just call me by my name.
Yuurin: ...
Yuurin: Leona-senpai.
Leona: *ruffles her hair*
Yuurin: *her hair gets messy*
Leona: Shit— Let me fix that.
Other first-years: *staring at MC because of her bird hairpin*
Ace: *teasing smirk* That looks good on you, bro.
Yuurin: ...
Yuurin: Thanks.
Ace: ...That's not what I—
Yuurin: *ignores him and focuses on class*
Professor Trein: Yuu, can you answer this question?
Yuurin: Yes, professor. *then proceeds to answer the question correctly*
Professor Trein: *smiles in satisfaction* You didn't forget any details. Great job, Yuu.
Yuurin: Thank you, Professor.
Ace: *mutters* Nerd.
Deuce: Dude, what?
Ace: What? He reminds me of Housewarden Riddle!
Yuurin: *looking at him*
Ace: ...
Professor Trein: Yuu? Is there something wrong?
Yuurin: Nothing, professor. *sits back down*
Akihiko — You look great with your hairpin, Yuurin.​ (⁠✿⁠^⁠‿⁠^⁠)
Yuurin — Thanks, Aki. How's your health?
Akihiko — It's great. I haven't been sick for a week now. ​(⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)
Yuurin: *smiles*
Ace: *approaches her* Yo! *smirks* You were textin' your girlfriend?
Yuurin: *her face turned serious* No. It's my brother.
Ace: Eh? *stands next to her* You enjoy talking with your brother?
Yuurin: Yes. Is there a problem?
Ace: Whoa— You don't have to look at me like that.
Yuurin: ...
Ace: Anyway, who gave you that hairpin?
Yuurin: ...My housewarden.
Ace: ...
Ace: You're just new here and you're being bullied? *clicks his tongue*
Yuurin: ...
Yuurin: No one's bullying me.
Ace: You must be naive then.
Ace: No decent guy would think that receiving a cute hairpin is a good thing.
Ace: What you're experiencing is lowkey bullying— Hey! Where are you going?!
Yuurin: *has already walked away from him*
Ace: Hey! I'm still talking to you! Hey!!!
Jack: What? ACE SAID THAT?
Yuurin: Hm.
Jack: ...
Jack: Well, does it make you want to take off the hairpin Leona-senpai has given you?
Yuurin: ...
Yuurin: I don't want to take it off, but at the same time, I don't want anyone to think that Leona-senpai is bullying me.
Jack: ...
Jack: Well, I can wear hairpins too.
Jack: So we're matching.
Yuurin: ...
Jack: ...
Yuurin: Won't that cause an even bigger misunderstanding?
Jack: ...
Jack: You think?
Yuurin: Yes.
Leona: That's not a problem. I'll start wearing hairpins too.
Yuurin: ...
Leona: Oi, Ruggie! Buy every freaking hairpins from Sam!
Ruggie: Sure. You want the cute ones?
Leona: Yeah. The cuter the better, that little shit. (referring to Ace)
Yuurin: ...
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gguk-n · 3 months ago
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Fading Shadow (Lando Norris x ex-Reader)
Part 2 of Last Straw Inspired by this request
Summary- Y/N moved on. Lando is still stuck, on what they had and what he lost.
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{Reader's POV}
The moment I landed back home, I felt relief wash over me when I cried in my mother's arms. I had been holding on to too much, it seems. My father brought my favourite food and we ate together and we laughed together. This was the therapy I needed. My siblings weren't very happy with Lando since they had seen everything unfold on social media but they were happy to have their sister back. I was happy to be back home. I needed this, I needed my people.
I decided I needed a change of pace, a change of scenery. I had been mourning my relationship while I was still in it. Now, I was a new me, I was going to do everything I wanted.
I applied at the company I always wanted to work at but due to there being no vacancies I was assigned a job in a different country and I was ready to take on the world. I knew Lando would never search for me, he never truly loved me but I still wanted to leave. I needed a fresh start.
{Lando's POV}
The silence after the break up was exactly what I needed, or so I thought. I could leave as I wished. I could go out whenever I wanted. I didn't have to explain myself to anyone. It's so much better to be single then to be tied down.
I didn't think I would ever miss Y/N, but I did. I remember exactly when I missed her for the first time; it was after a difficult race and I had finish decently with the shitty cards I had and I just wanted someone to tell me how well I did; but there was no one; no one who knew what I wanted to hear. I felt so alone even when I was surrounded by hundreds of people for the first time in a long time.
The second time I missed her was when I was stood on top of the top step of the podium. I wanted to have her around so I could share my highs with her. I didn't get a 'do you wanna go out to celebrate?' like the last two times and I aired her both time to party with random girls. Right now, I was in the club celebrating my third win of my career and season and I felt empty and alone. Not even the alcohol helped.
The house we lived in was a stark reminder of the time we spent together. All our dates we had. All the times she would teach me how to cook but we would always end up with a big mess and half cooked or burnt food since I would get distracted. In retrospect, I loved every second of it even though I never admitted it then. I love all the time we spent together or the laugh she would emit when I messed up. I missed her and I wish she was here; I was too stupid to admit it then but I do now.
Oscar was getting sick and tired of me using his phone to check on Y/N's social media accounts since she had blocked me every where. I would end up borrowing the other driver's phone to check, just in case. Until one day, her account stopped showing up for Oscar too. I went through almost everyone on the paddock's phone to see if she had blocked my friends. Turns out, she had deactivated her social media accounts; I realised that after one of the gossip pages posted about her deactivating her profiles, across all the platforms.
I would wake up from dreams about her and I would fall asleep to the thought of her. No woman interested me anymore; I wish I was this loyal when we were dating, when she could see that I loved her, not now when she couldn't even see I had changed.
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My PR team was losing their shit when I tweeted that. I had to sit through a stupid meeting after everything. It was miracle I didn't start crying in the middle of the meeting.
People had started to notice I guess, since Carlos approached me. "Cabron, what's up?" he asked while I was lying on my couch after media day. "Nothing" I hummed. "I fucked up right?" I asked. "I can't say no" Carlos said. I laughed painfully. "I didn't know how good I had it until it was all gone. I'm an ass and I deserve everything I'm getting" I cried. Carlos comforted me, hugging me tightly. "I just wish she would talk to me, at least once. So, that I could show her that I've changed. I really have Carlos. I love her so much, it hurts" I cried into his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Lando" he said patting my back.
There's a saying, You don't know what you've got until it's gone. I was living that nightmare and I will never stop living it.
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romana-after-dark · 1 year ago
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Cry Harder
Dark!Joel Miller x fem!reader
Masterlist : Taglist (NEW TAG LIST)
A follow up to Keep Cry'n, but you don't need to read it to read this. But you do need to read the warnings lol.
For my event, Dead Dove December which is still open until January 1st, and there's no sign up! Plenty of time to join <3
Summery: While keeping you captive, Joel's sex drive is insatiable, and the sex seemed to be never ending. You tried to warm him you needed to use the bathroom... he didn't listen.
Warnings: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT. Non con. Piss kink. Dacryphilia. PIV sex, oral f!recieving. Smoothing via pillow. Threat of murder, threat of necrophilia (Joel's just trying to scare her.) little smacking. Degredation, daddy kink.
Immersabilty: Reader is fem.
1k works
A/N: I'M BACK!!! I'll chat a lil more in the notes at the bottom and be sure to read the housekeeping but thanks for sticking around <3
You don't have to like piss kink but don't make fun of me okay lol
Support writers! Reblog and comment
******************************
“That’s it baby, cry harder”
As if you had much of a choice. Joel had you here for 2 days by this point, and the man was fucking insatiable. He had explained to you, not that you asked, that he goes in and out of “shifts”, essentially. For a few weeks, he raids and stocks up on all he needs. Then, if he’s got somewhere decent to stay, he’ll take a pretty girl for a week or so and just go insane on sex, food, and any drugs or booze he could get. You were well fed at least, and sometimes Joel let you take a few hits of weed or sips of alcohol to numb you, but other than that he wasn’t giving many mercies.
It had been hours at this point, no refractory period except sometimes to go have a smoke, but 5 minutes later he came back hard and thrusting into your swollen lips.
You were exhausted, spread out naked on your back as Joel knelt before you, thrusting. You just wanted it to be over, sobbing into the pillow you pulled over your face.
“Awwww, little babies embarrassed? Wassamatter, little baby, don’t want me to hear you moaning again?” Joel taunted you with a laugh. He liked laughing at you. He did make you moan, that was the embarrassing part. Joel wasn’t necessarily trying to make you cum, but he did get giddy and gleeful when the stretch of his cock was enough to make you orgasm.
You weren’t entirely sure that’s what was happening right now, but something was off. “Joel…” You whine into your pillow. “My stomach hurts…”
“Why -thrust- the fuck -thrust- do I care?”
“It feels funny…” You hoped maybe he’d stop if you were sick. Not that he cared about your well being, but rather he wouldn’t want you getting sick all over him. Or maybe he was into that. 
“Just shut the fuck up and -mmmph- just fuck’n take it. Always fuck’n whining like you got a hard job.” Joel smacked a tit, making you whimper and clench down.
Then you realized what the feeling was. “Joel, I gotta- MPH!”
Joel shoved the pillow into your face. “Tired of your fucking voice. ‘Joel I need this, Joel I need that!’” He mocked you in a high pitched voice. “Just shut the fuck up before I smoother you and use your cold pussy instead. Bet the rigor would tight’n you up a bit.”
Fresh tears wet your pillow as you wriggle, trying to keep quiet. You needed to pee. Or maybe you were going to cum. Joel had gotten you pretty drunk this time and his dick jamming into your cervix made everything a little hazy, but you needed to pee, and you needed to pee BAD. Still, the struggle to breath was the first concern. It wasn't cutting off all your hair, but it was getting difficult.
You tried to warn him, but Joel simply kept the pillow over your mouth and he filled you up again and again, thick cock stretching you so far you weren’t sure how you were supposed to be any tighter, but men were never satisfied. The pressure continued to build and suddenly you were very confused; was this an orgasm, pee, or both?
Joel was growing erratic above you, and you wondered if he got off, if this would be it for today. You tried to hold it back, never wanting Joel to have the satisfaction, but the combination of the feeling and Joel in your stomach were too much. Unconsciously, you let go.
Joel stops, not pulling back enough to pull out but enough to see you and you release the warm liquid onto him as you cum. “Oh shit” He chuckles. “Did you squirt?” You remove the pillow the your face to catch him looking at your sore cunt as the liquid isn’t stopping and he realizes what was happening. “Ohhhh fuck!” He says gleefully, thrusting into you with renewed vigor.
“That’s it baby, piss on my cock, ooooooh yes, fuck yes, pee on daddy’s fuck’n cock, mmmmm god, gonna- fuuuuck, gonna cum, gonna cum in daddy’s little piss baby.”
You cover your face with your arms as you cry, sensitive as all hell from cumming hard as you relieve yourself, humiliated but knowing he’s close. Just gotta power through.
Huffing, Joel pressed his hand down on your lower stomach, pushing out more pee as you yelped.
“Goooood DAYUM!” Joel shouts loud in your ear as he cums inside you, filling your tired pussy with his cum.
Joel falls on top of you, laughing, his heavy weight nearly as suffocating as the pillow was. A light chuckle turned louder as he laughed harder and pulled away. As Joel pulled his cock out of your soaked folds, he was all but cackling, derangement in his eyes as he looked at the disaster that was the shitty bed you slept on.
“Such a messy girl…” He eyed your cunt, and you whimper. Joel didn’t go down on you. This was for him to get his dick wet, nothing else…
But soon, his mouth was between your legs, lapping at the mix of cum and piss and sweat between you two, his beard a rubbing irritant against your puffy skin. “Such a pathetic little girl” He muttered between breaths, rutting himself against the bed, and you knew he was hard again. “Fuck’n weird, can’t even keep from making a mess of yourself” He growls, licking you clean. “Fuck’n- ohmygod- fucking disgusting little piss Wh-who-oooooremmmm.” Joel came against the bed, just as you were about to come again, and pulled away.
You can’t help the way your body wriggles as the “Nooo” You whine, ever so quiet. You hated how much he made you want him sometimes. 
Joel giggles, awfully pleased with himself. “Nah, baby, I’m done with you for now. Maybe next time you’ll learn to appreciate when I give you this cock.” 
Butt naked, Joel exited the room, telling you to clean yourself up. “You smell.”
*************************
TW depression, skip to the bold for romana housekeeping
I havn't posted much outside an occasional Blessed Be the Fruit and if you follow my main, you kno why. This semester has been incredibly hard on me, a genuine deep depression i han't experienced in a long, long time. It was awful. I nearly hospitalized myself a few times and I should have but I am american and not insured. I was not safe, and was a danger to myself.
Yet, somehow, I managed to get my course work done and I finished the semmester on friday ;-; now i have 2 weeks approximately off from work which isnt ideal but hey, traveling and shit. Then for about a month I'll be working back at day care again before coming back for second semmester soooooo im hoping this free time will allow me to catch up on writing and reading
Housekeeping
As linked above, this is for my event dead dove December! It's for the Oscar Isaac/ Pedro Pascal fandom, and we got so many fun entries including lots of Joel, some triple frontier (santi AND frankie) William tell, and soon some Jack from mojave, rydall keener and more!! Would love for you to join me! if you dont wanna write but like dead dove, search #deaddovedecember2023 I didn't realize at the time there was a similar event for the bucky barnes fandom but they have the same hastag, so if you like bucky, check them out too!
Also, i'm gonna be working on a new series once Blessed be the Fruit and a few on my main end, a dark!triple frontier. Check out the coming soon info, and comment if you'd like a tag!
Be sure to join the new tag list, as i changed my tag options just a little!
@m0nster-fvcker @miraclesabound @fandxmslxt69
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bruh-anator3000 · 5 months ago
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im obsessed with the Black Cat, I hope that's clear, too. and Miguel. And Logan and Wade, so what if we mashed them all up in a blender and see what happens?
Edit: I didn't mean for this one to get so out of hand, but it did, so its a short story now I guess.
Warnings: sexual themes, hella suggestive, SPOILERS HINTED from the new Deadpool, tension sexy styles, I might get Gambit '97 involved so we can listen to '4 big guys' for part two, it is a love triangle/square, trust and don't worry. Everyone's bisexual. No pronouns for reader used, but written w fem!reader in mind, that's why I'm saying bisexual, but this could just be gay for my amabs.
Parinings: Black Cat!reader x Miguel O'Hara x Logan Howlett x Wade Wilson (uh-huh. I said what I said)
~~~◇◇◇~~~♡♡♡~~~◇◇◇~~~♡♡♡~~~◇◇◇~~~♡♡♡~~
Like, you didn't want to bring your roommates along with you for this heist. God. You didn't even want their sticky fingers on the paper plans. But you were running low on rent, Blind Al was a bitch now that they suspended her coke supply, and your normal crew got sick!
Dr. Boris Korpse was the smartest man alive. He could hack any system, jimmy any lock, and blew the ones he couldn't up. Bruno wasn't the brightest, but he was the bravest. And he had the muscles to prove it. He was a great getaway driver, too. And they were sick.
Wade was smart... enough. Logan was... decently strong. Logan was more of a brute, actually. Careless with his strength when it came to it, but trusting Wade Wilson to drive you home safe? With his self destructive streak? It was safer to have him do the code cracking. Hopefully.
"I wonder how many people caught the earlier exposition is from the actual comics," Wade grunted under his mask, typing in a special security code into the keypad.
Looking around with furrowed brows, he did realize it was just you three, right? You glanced at Logan, wondering if he understood what Deadpool was saying. He only gave a slight shake of his head.
"It's a quick in and out," You reminded the two, walking past the gates as the hissed open, thanks to Wilson. How he knew the password so easily, you didn't know. He said something about 'writer being too lazy to build up to the reveal,' which made it 'easier to follow if he just knew.'
Logan grunted as he followed. It frightened you how well he could retain the plans you've gone over so many times this week. It was great for him, and for you! But also sucked, because they guy replacing your 'smart guy' still needed a refresher.
You take your stance beside the large bars hiding the painting. Idly looking around while Logan let out a primal roar as he pried the gap between the metal bars wider.
"I bet that's what it sounds like when you're close, huh?" Wade snickered, pinching the yellow fabric on his hips. You cringed for several reasons. Wade's constant immaturity. And, God's above, Logan's ridiculous outfit.
Honoring the X-men or not, the yellow was as bright as a trafficlight.
You slipped through the widened gap now, ignoring Wade's whistle behind you. "You do realize this is supposed to be a silent mission?" You sneered, now on the other side of the enclosure.
Wade shrugged. "Don't worry, peaches. Nothing bad ever happens to the sexy ones. Logan might get left behind, but you and me?" His mask hid the way he bit his lip and winked. It looked like he was just staring at you.
"Alright." You sighed and moved on. That was the best way to handle these two. They gave you no other choice. I mean, you could give in and fuck them, but you were planning to save that for later if they did a good job tonight.
With the painting carefully removed, the bars bent back in place, and Wade managing to keep his pants on for a few minutes, all that was left to do was leave. You had Logan carry the painting as you all ran back to the World War 1 exhibit - the way you entered through.
You made sure the two were in front of you the entire time. You couldn't risk them getting lost, their bulk and dead brains might break something if you weren't watching them carefully. And the red and blue lights glowing as you ran past were not any help.
You stopped dead in your tracks. That wasn't your normal bisexual lighting. There were no sirens, either.
You jogged back a few paces, stopping by the archway of one of the many halls in the museum. Face to face with the digital glow of a blue and red mask.
"Hey Spider," Grinning softly, you leaned on the doorway. The Spider-Man hung upside-down on his red wire webs, per usual. You didn't need to see his sexy face to see that stoic pout he always wore.
"Good evening." He greets in that deep voice, hinting with an accent you loved. The red outlines of his eyes squinting as you boop his nose. "Are we really going to do this tonight?" He scowls, and you swoon.
He flips down, landing on his feet. Broad shoulders and thin waist beautifully extenuated by the suit that was more code than fabric. Towering over you, red blades on the back of his forearms.
"At least take your mask off," You taunt. To which he does. When has Miguel ever denied that request? As infuriating as it was, it was also a very freeing day when the two of you finally put the suits aside and fu- talked. In bed.
His brown curls looked neat today. Dark red eyes watching your every move. That pout on his sharp angled face was too cute. He was so grumpy all the time.
He glances behind you, leaning over slightly to look at the damage you've done. "Portrait of Madame X?" He notes the missing piece of work. Thick brow arching in suspicion.
You shrug. "She's an idol of mine." An idol worth 20 million to your buyer. But he didn't need to worry his pretty little head about the details.
"Do you want a 10 second head start?" He offers, placing a hand by your head and leaning in. Keeping you between his hard chest and the wall. His lips parted with a slight smirk.
"Bub, where'd you go?" Logan's gruff voice grows closer. Wade skipping alongside him. Both of them stopping dead in their tracks at the sight of Miguel.
His mask quickly ripples into place and he steps back, snarling. "Who are you?" His eyes dart to the painting you were supposed to be stealing, in some other man's hold. Keeping his body towards and more in between to block you from the other two, he snarls.
"I am soaking wet right now." Wade groans softly, admiring this little stand off. He wasn't kidding, Spider-Man had been in his 'hit' list for a few years now.
Miguel bristles, back going tense. And as great of a view that was, you knew it meant trouble.
"No, they're with me." Grabbing his broad and beefy shoulder, you push him back. Accidentally putting yourself in the middle of this odd triangle you've created.
Miguel glowers at you. "My regulars were out. I needed an extra hand." You shrug it off. That's all they were. Extra hands. In a heist. You totally weren't going to make out with them on the car ride home.
Tension thick, your shoulders weigh down as you look at all three of the men. A tinge of embarrassment hits you as you realize how similar their figures looked. You definitely had a type.
Wade breaks it up, or attempts to with another sentence you don't exactly understand. "Jesus, if the writer would get over themselves, I would fuck you two so hard." He gestures to Logan and Miguel. Earning an angry grunt from both of them that just seems to further his excitement.
"I'm so pissed we have to wait for a part two."
"Part two? Of what?" You raise a brow, looking at Wade.
He waves a hand. They don't get it.
...
But you do. And if you want a part two, please let me know! This was just an idea festering (that got out of hand a little) and I'm not sure what to make with it just yet. I also need a title for this, so if you guys have any suggestions, please let me know. Love you!
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marzipanandminutiae · 25 days ago
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Do you have any advice on making a living working in historic preservation? I feel like every opportunity in the field (ex. Local historical societies) is volunteer work, which I do, but I also need money!
:)
:) :) :) :)
I am so sorry but you've hit upon the main employment problem with this field: it is wildly underpaid. Especially if you want to do something with museum content/collections/preservation rather than admin.
The issue is, this system (at least in the US, where I live) started out in the late 19th century being run by people who had a lot of free time and a LOT of money already. Married upper-class women, rich men- often gay, interestingly enough -with academic turns of mind, etc. They didn't need the money, so they built a structure designed to function that way. And for many years a lot of this work continued to be done by volunteers.
Except then people came along with the audacity to want to make a career out of it. Without enough generational wealth to not need payment! Oh no!
So now there are not enough full-time jobs in the field for people who want them, unfortunately. They're out there! But you might have a hell of a time getting into one.
I'd say to look for bigger orgs over small ones, or small orgs in big cities. We love a tiny house museum in the middle of nowhere, but they often have the smallest budgets in a world of small budgets. Also, consider starting out part-time and trying to work your way up (just make sure the org has full-time employees first). Making connections is paramount- I've only had part-time museum jobs so far, but I never got a single one just by applying online. You can, but it helps a lot to have someone say "hey, the Fancyman-Spinsteracademic-Wepromisewe'rereckoningwithslaverynow House is hiring; want me to put in a good word for you?"
Alternately, learn some hands-on preservation skill like carpentry or horology (working with mechanical clocks- PLEASE learn horology if you go this route; all the horologists are 80 and they keep dying) could be a way to get specific talents that historical site museums can't function without and will therefore pay for when the budget allows. In cities with lots of historical architecture that they actually care about preserving- so not NYC, apparently -there are often independent companies that specialize in different aspects thereof. Historical window repair, historical plastering, historical brickwork maintenance, etc. Trying to get hired by one of those is a way to go into preservation without working in museums. Private auction houses or antiques dealers can also be an option, if you're more into the Collections Objects side of things.
I don't mean to make it sound bleak. My eight-year career in museums has been entirely part-time collections/interpretation/admin jobs stitched together, and while I'm sick of the "underpaid and relying on my parents to pay for my insurance" aspect (yes, I freely admit it; I'm a lowkey continuation of the Can't Work In Museums If You Don't Have Family Financial Support tradition and very very lucky to be able to do what I do, and yet even I'M frustrated and tired and over it), it is deeply fulfilling work that I consider highly worthwhile and important. And there ARE avenues to make a decent living in it!
I just want to explain the phenomenon you're seeing and give you realistic expectations.
Best of luck!
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insomniasleeps · 18 days ago
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GCS Shorts 2
Deleted scenes of my timkon au (they would have made the cut- well they still might this is just brainrot bc I'm tired of chapters that need logic)
Kon: I kind of like "Kon-El" ngl . Nice name he gave me, it could go as a nickname for Conner too.
Lex: I came up with Conner first. *Rolls eyes*
Lex: Superman is very unoriginal.
Kon: But Mercy told me you used a name generator-
~
Jason: Ok so I know you don't like me that much
Conner: Yeah.
Jason: It was my bad, that kryptonite bullet probably hurt-
Kon: HUh- no I'm not mad at you for shooting me
Jason: What.
Kon: I'm mad bc you got dirt stains on my couch when you broke in :(
~
Tim: *scowls* I don't like you. at all.
Also Tim: *Obsessively checks Kon's entire year's worth of digital footprint* *hides evidence of Kon not being a regular person* *defends Stray from insults on the internet* *hacks into Gotham U's cameras bc he's 'just checking in'* *proceeds to triple seal the still-existing records of Kon's past and doesn't even tell Kon he knows about the pre-Elle Hades behavior*
Kon: I like you. you're nice. *thinks Tim is (pretty) neat*
Tim: *dies of embarrassment bc why tf did he say that TIM IS BI PANICKING*
Jason: fucking gay losers *goes to read his romance mystery novel that has doomed gays*
~ Jason and Tim arguing
Jason: Fuck you, you little fuck-
Tim: That's grammatically incorrect. For all the classical literature you read you sure-
Cass: *Watching them with a raised brow as she stretches for ballet because their body language says they're about to fight*
Cass: Jason. Put the gun away. *Frowns disapprovingly- they can throw hands outside of her practice room*
Jason: *Groans and puts it away, turning to leave*
Cass: Tim. I saw your staff. Turn the taser off.
Tim: *sighs but repockets it and goes back to doing WE work on his laptop*
~
Damian: I hate Drake.
Dick: but you guys get ice cream together after ditching us at Galas all the time?
Damian: We are... on amicable terms despite my distaste towards him.
Damian: He also can hold a decent conversation regarding the behaviors of cats *in Damian terms this means talking about cute cat shenanigans*
Damian: He is also good with Cats. Alfred is a stellar example.
Dick: Oh my god my little brothers are adorable *cries*
*somewhere else*
Tim: *suffering as he coughs- he patted an alley cat that Damian found and his spleenless ass got sick*
Kon: *frowns* Are you ok???
Tim: Yeah, but I might need to be hospitalized
Kon: What?! why
Tim: I don't have a spleen
Kon: *immediately understands bc of the info programmed into him* you don't have an immune system!? TIM THIS IS GOTHAM
Tim: *passes out randomly *
~ Thug 1: ??? why is it so bright rn it's cloudy
Thug 2: *turns around* FUCK ITS THE SIGNAL- AND THE STRAY
Duke: You again *Immediately makes so much light it's as blinding as being close to the sun*
Thug 2: *screaming in pain due to the permanent damage being done to his retinas*
Duke: *realizes someone else is on the job with him and panics to check on his partner (usually works w bats so he's concerned about using his powers despite Kon being a meta)* STRAY ARE YOU OKAY
Kon: *feeling refreshed from the false sunlight* yeah *thumbs up* I feel great wow
Duke: I keep forgetting you're the spawn of Superman, dude *relieved*
Thug 1&2: *blinded but able to hear* HES WHAT-
*Gotham thugs are never the same. What the fuck do you mean the former alley-scruffer-turned-arkham-breakout-fighter- slash-bat-associate is the SON of SUPERMAN the REALLY STRONG ALIEN HERO. They're supposed to fight him??? He can literally turn them into squash on the concrete that he used to wrap around them because OF COURSE if he wasnt already insane this motherfucker has telekinesis*
*But when one of them voices that he interrupts and goes "Well, actually, it's called tactile telekinesis where you-" he proceeds to explain all the things he could do with it, and their horror is growing because what does he mean by "peel your skin off and have it slide right back"- what the fuck- WHY THE FUCK HASNT BATMAN KICKED HIM OUT HES KILLING PEOPLE BY GIVING THEM HEART ATTACKS FROM RISING BLOOD PRESSURE.*
~
*mob boss using a MACHINE GUN on the bats (Robin and Red Robin let's say) while they're knocked out from the gas that spread*
mob boss: why the fuck are they bulletproof what the fuck
*mud monster appearing out of nowhere and covering the bats to take them away while not even dirtying them*
mob boss: *sees it as a demonic creature taking away its masters as he gets knocked on his ass by the concrete and then it wraps around to hold him in place until Batman comes*
mob boss: fucking Gotham is out to get me THE CITY AND THE PEOPLE I JUST GOT BEAT BY CONCRETE
*Batman comes, sees Stray sitting in a corner trying to do his calculus homework on his cellphone*
mob boss: BATMAN- WHOS CHILD WAS SACRIFICED TO SUMMON YOUR FAMILY YOU DEMONS- *gets knocked out by air (Kon)*
Batman: *dry and disappointed but slightly amused* you could have also stopped Red Robin and Robin from inhaling the gas.
Kon: *shrugging as he's working on hw* I was told to stay out because they needed to see who could brave the gas the longest. They were both knocked out at the same time.
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absolutebl · 5 months ago
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This Week in BL - I hand out a couple of high scores & have qualms about pairs
Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top. I didn't get many screen shots this week, so welcome to a WALL OF TEXT. Duh duh duh dum.
July 2024 Week 3
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Ongoing Series - Thai
We Are Cute (Weds iQIYI) ep 16 fin - TanFang are ridiculous but I have grown to truly love them. ChainPun at the end made me hoot with laughter everyone was a meme of FINALLY. In fact, I loved all the pairs, this was a great ensemble piece.
I was left mildly wondering if Arm will ever lead a BL. 
All in all? 
I really enjoyed this show. It was slow to find its stride (I didn’t get into it until ep 7) but I’m very glad I gave it a chance. It’s a soft ensemble piece with multiple couples and very little plot, but I didn’t care because it’s not trying to be anything more substantial. Essentially this was a series of vignettes covering one year of uni for a queer friendship group finding love, new friends, and laughter. It’s not being harsh with us or it’s characters the way some offerings of this ilk have been (side eyes Friend Zone and Only Friends) nor did it tumble into Gen Y chaos. In fact, this reminded me more than anything of a refined and elevated Love Sick - just with older characters and occurring within a genre that has matured too. It has that close queer friendship group meets earnest gentleness that made me adore Love Sick so much. In other words, this was Thai BL at its finest, finding it roots again 10 years on, but also stretching upwards and showing us what it could do with that original seed. So? I loved it. Did it blow my mind? No. But it left me smiling and made me belly laugh quite a bit. 9/10
Technically it should probably get an 8/10 - too much singing, but I’m bubbling over with nostalgia rn.
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Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 12 fin - I struggled to watch that fight. But that’s because it was so well done for a BL. Lots of speeches this ep. (I said too cheesy right before Dee did.)
I like Drake & Title as a new ship. Hope it sails. Also some decent ace rep. 
On a totally different note: Good use of frosting. But… you know I’m gonna say it… NO SINGING. 
Final thoughts:
What a FUN show. A charming quintessentially modern Thai BL about a doctor and a boxer who start as a one night stand and then fall in love. Great rep for everything from Muay Thai, to safe sex, to FUN sex, to ace, to bisexuality, to smiley kisses, to the first legal gay wedding in a Thai BL. It’s a delight and I enjoyed (almost) every single moment of it. 
An easy 9/10. 
I do hope we get more GreatInn.
The Rebound (Weds Gaga) eps 7-8 of 12 - So Ryu’s ma is evil? And Frank is giving me serious second lead syndrome. Also he’s been working out a lot. I noticed my dude, thank you. I don't think we've ever gotten this kind of focus on a side dish before. The show is in dangerous territory, since he's so good he's taking attention away from the leads. Also, I think Zen is completely aware of what is going on with this love triangle, he just doesn’t want to put up with their nonsense. I even like the cute side crumbs. 
On a complete aside: why are crime lords in BL always in bathtubs? Asking for… the other genres. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if The Godfather entirely took place in bathtubs? A Real Man has a large… tub. 
And we end with mass murder? WOW! Chaotically played my dearest pulp! 
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Century of Love (Weds Gaga) eps 3-4 of 10 - These boys are playing complicated roles with lots of layers to them. Daou is doing a great job. We can see the old man inside this kid. Offroad... I’m not convinced, he’s chewing the scenery a bit. I actually think he has the more layered and complicated part to play. So I'm giving him a chance to subtly show that cheerful façade fracturing with delicacy. But I worry we may be back in JamFilm territory where one partner can’t quite keep up with the other's skillz.
All of this is to say, this is still a better acted piece than I was expecting. (Although the surrounding cast and special effects are doing our leads no particular favors.)
It’s hugely enjoyable but uneven (with those occasional injections of slapstick humor) I’m not entirely sure the production knows what it wants to be. I wish it had the courage of its convictions to lean into the “I feel you linger in the air” aesthetic. Now that I know Thailand can go there, I’m a bit annoyed when a show like this, which should, doesn’t. Which is not to say I’m not enjoying it. I am. A lot. Just that I should probably lower my expectations. Daou, however, is so damn good, he keeps getting my hopes up.
This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 3 of 8 - Oh no we have a lonely poor little rich boy. Catnip character for @heretherebedork. Meanwhile, I’m liking the layers of the main romance, with everybody having hidden agendas and such. Nice tension. Of course I love the eroticism around smells. One of my favorite tropes. But I’m not sure I buy the relationship chemistry between the leads when this much lying is going on. 
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My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 7 of 12 - I am growing to love Fourth's version of this character. He’s so frantic and confused, but in a completely different way from the JBL. It’s a bit more whiny and a bit less cartoonish. But it resonates with me more. He's less of a meme tho. The photo moment! I literally squealed, "Gah!!! They are so cute!"
Linguistic moment. Did you hear in the cupcake section that Half went to rao/ter? Very sweet. (The boys use rao/nai.)
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Also, yay for the twist on the school counselor character! Best thing ever. I would like the entire story of Nop & Sin GMMTV, please and thank you. Also… NO SINGING. 
Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 6 of 12 - I’m continuing to enjoy this a lot. It’s a fun cast. A touch twee for me, and I’m really hoping they amp up something other than the romance soon, but I don't mind ending my week with these two.
The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - I'm enjoying this show so much, just not as a BL (yet). It’s honest to the internship experience of overwhelm (such as I recall, it's been A WHILE). I’m not sure how much BL I’m getting from it thus far. I mean our leads shared a long glance or two but that’s about it. It’s very slow burn. But I don’t mind that since I’m liking the surrounding stuff. Can't stand the girlfriend intern character tho. I hope she get redeemed.  Or killed.
Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 6 of 10 - Halfway through I had already finished my drink out of sheer boredom.  Trash watch here.
Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 9 of 12 - Frankly I’m finding this relatively dull right now. Lovely kisses tho. Best and Seng are great together, consummate BL pros, not a pair I had on my bingo card. 
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Ongoing Series - Not Thai
I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - I like how much we can see K’s intense liking and emotional need for this loud broken kid. And how easy it is for him to admit to that truth. Because what he’s going through is so much worse than admitting to having feelings. The acting is fantastic. Sometimes I forget how great Japan can be. And then they decide to remind me. Oh, it’s SO GOOD. 
Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - Another one I’m finding boring. Just japan’s version. The vintage yaoi “old dude creep trope” I see. It’s been a while. 
It's airing but...
Meet You at the Blossom - it's your funeral (or, more likely, one of the main characters'). You can argue but... statistics. You know my feelings on this matter. MY BLOG, remember?
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GIF by mypotatokun
In case you missed it
The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. Devastated this hasn't had international distribution. I demand you tell me the moment you find it!
The Last Time (Thai Fri YT) - Got bumped to Aug 2. Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something.
Next Week Looks Like This:
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Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.
July Releases Still To Come
7/24 I Saw You in My Dream (Thai Weds Gaga) - Dee Hup is behind this one so I have high hopes. Younger boy chronically teased his whole life by the older boy next door suddenly starts having horrific prophetic dreams about his bully and must save him.
7/26 4 Minutes (Thai Netflix or iQIYI?) - Great, a rich boy studying business at uni, suddenly gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future.
7/29 Battle of the Writers (Thai ????) - trailer here, TutorYim return, and while I adore them, I really hope this is better than Middleman's Love. Won't be hard. However: the premise? Ugh. Something something authors fighting - save me. Why don't writers understand that nothing is more boring than writers?
THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS
No time this week, I'm having computer issues.
(Last week)
Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.
The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs
Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.
There's these tricks, remember.
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crusty-chronicles · 8 months ago
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As requested, I present to you ✨
Hiei Bringing His Airheaded S/O To Demon World
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Absolute chaos
The entire time he regrets bringing you there.
He only did so because he was tired of you crying everytime he left. Even though he always came back to you no matter what, idiot.
Truthfully, he prefers you staying in the living world because there's less things that could kill you.
No bloodthirsty demons salivating at the scent of you. No carnivorous plants waiting for you to aimlessly stumble into. And no threats of kidnapping and being used for ransom.
It's not like you can't take care of yourself, but the chances of a someone or something taking advantage of your naivety are high
Which is why he specifically tells you to stay close to him.
“If you get lost here, I won't try to find you.” It was a small warning that he'd never really follow through with. But he needed you to take this seriously.
“But you found me when I got lost on my way home that one time.”
“I mean it this time.”
He has to keep a constant eye on you at all times.
Even going as far as holding your hand to keep you in place.
Which is very humiliating for him. The three eyed demon not used to openly showing his affections.
His first stop is Mukuro's base. To which you responded ‘Why is it moving??? I think I'm gonna get motion sickness.’
Because of his constant supervision, he isn't really able to do his job.
And so it begins.
He needs his Jagan, so it's either you or the other poor humans who stumbled past the makai barrier.
Guess who he chooses most of the time.
The few times he does leave you, he makes sure you're occupied with something.
“Go spar with those new recruits over there while I'm gone.”
“Okay!”
Bless those poor demons. They never stood a chance.
Hiei warned Mukuro beforehand about you.
How you're decently strong but don't have a single thought in your head.
She didn't believe him at first. At least, not until she met you in person.
How you managed to bust a hole in the wall by tripping, she'd never know. She saw it happen, but she still doesn't understand how it's possible.
Hiei introduces you to her and immediately regrets it.
“You’re a liar! You said you didn't have any friends.” You pointed out, causing the three eyed demon to tense up.
“I don't. Mukuro's an ally.”
“We both know it's the same for you.”
He's actually mad you're smart enough to figure that out but not why you shouldn't eat glass.
He's pretty embarrassed about your relationship. Not because he's ashamed of you. Couldn't be any further than the truth. He relishes in the fact you're so strong, paired along with your heart that has more kindness than he's able to fathom.
No, Hiei is embarrassed because here he's respected. His reputation is infamous and he's regarded highly. Known to be cruel yet reasonable.
But here he is telling you not to wonder off like some worried parent.
Here he is inspecting the smallest of cuts on your finger and healing it.
It's just so embarrassing for him to be soft in front of others who aren't you.
“So this is the one that has you returning to the human world.” Mukuro teased.
But Hiei wouldn't take the bait.
“I don't know what you're talking about.
Only for you to come up to him with a small gem. Presenting it proudly to him.
“Hiei! Look what I found! Isn't it pretty?”
It's a ruby. Something you'd told him reminds you of his eyes. It makes a tinge of red appear on his face.
But Hiei's a stubborn demon.
“And what do you expect me to do with it?” A tone that would sound cruel to anyone but you.
“Maybe I could turn it into a necklace like the one you gave me.”
“That's a ridiculous idea.”
It was inevitable something would happen to you on this trip. A lot of demons were still bitter about the outcome of the tournament. And with Hiei's involvement with the reform, you were only a huge target.
He ends up wearing it for the rest of the trip. Guarding it with his life. Much to the amusement of the Mukuro and her henchmen.
He came back to the base expecting to see you waiting, but you weren't there.
He didn't waste a second using his Jagan to find you.
He fully prepared to end the life of whatever demon decided to mess with his mate, but when he found you, you'd already taken care of it.
Save for a few scratches on your arm, you were completely fine.
It led to Hiei scolding you for walking off with someone you didn't know. Promising this would be the last time you ever came here for acting so reckless, and that you weren't to leave his side for the rest of the time you were here.
It proved that he was right with you staying in the living world. It was safer for you. And he had Kurama to take care of you if anything happened. You were completely alone here.
“How come you didn't want me to come here?” You asked while he went over your injuries once more.
His answer came immediately.
“Because I knew you wouldn't be able to stay out of trouble.”
“Hey, it's not my fault that guy wanted to fight. How was I supposed to know he wasn't a part of Mukuro’s army?”
He glared up at you.
“You're an idiot.” Then his gaze softened. A look reserved only for you.
“…But you're my idiot, therefore my responsibility. I can't have you getting hurt on my watch.”
What kind of mate would he be if he couldn't even take care of you in his element?
You sat in silence for a while, and he briefly wondered if he went too far. You usually never took his harsh words to heart. He was relieved when he heard you speak again.
“You seem to really like it here. I wouldn't blame you if you decided to stayed after all one of these days.”
You still thought he would just abandon you? Truly your naivety infuriated him.
“In case I haven't made my intentions clear before, I come back for you and you only. Yet you still doubt my devotion. If you expect me to stay in the living world forever with you, you shouldn't.” But I'll always come back for you. Words he'd said over and over again.
An idea struck you then.
“We could stay here if you want. Get all old together. Maybe start a family.”
He couldn't stop the heat crawling onto his face. The way the red seemed to glow from his flustered state. He had to look away from you and move back.
“As if. I have no intentions to keep you here, nor procreate with someone who can't even tie their shoe.”
He heard you laugh and the red only worsened from there.
He didn't like the effect your words had on him.
Tempting him with something so sweet. Something that would inevitably give him even more of a weak spot.
But you weren't meant for this world. Your home was on the other side of this barrier. And his was with you.
For now this arrangement of being with you periodically would work.
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n0cturna1-m3 · 2 years ago
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Sometimes We Say Things We Don't Mean | Simon "Ghost" Riley x Male Reader | Angst with Comfort
Minors/Fem DNI
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Warnings; Alcohol consumption, verbal fighting, decent apologies, hangover, hurt/comfort, this is kinda shite, randomly named character that doesn't matter but they needed a name so 🤷🏻
Request; "reader gets super fucking drunk cuz them and ghost had an argument earlier and they dont know what to do and ghost finds them about to pass out and goes wa wa wa and then they wake up and they hug because ghost thought he was gonna lose them"
A/N; I'm sorry this took so long but for the better part of a month i was like "wtf am i supposed to write for the fight" and then went "ohhh, i can search why couples fight". so work it is!
2.0k words
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Y/N leaned against Ghost as he cooked dinner, a comfortable silence between them. He had come home from a long mission, not more than a week ago, and Y/N had missed him the entire time. Now that he was home, they could have gentle moments like this. Ghost could enjoy simplicity in domestic life for a change.
“I like it when you’re home,” Y/N murmured, watching Ghost cook from behind him. His arms were wrapped around his torso as he worked on a soup. “You should stay home more often.”
Ghost’s stirring faltered and he stiffened under Y/N’s embrace.
“I…” He started, grabbing a bowl of mixed spices from beside the stove, “Price informed me about something going on in Eastern Europe… They leave on Tuesday.”
Y/N moved to rest his chin on Ghost’s shoulder, side-eyeing him. “What do you mean by that?”
He didn’t respond, simply swallowing down the uncomfortable feeling in his throat when Y/N pulled away from him to lean on the counter and face him.
“No, don’t ignore me,” Y/N demanded, staring at Ghost, who avoided eye contact at all costs.
“He asked me to go with him and the Task Force to-”
“No,” Y/N cut him off, crossing his arms over his chest.
“What do you mean ‘no’?”
“I mean ‘no’, you aren’t going.”
“What makes you think you have the right to tell me what I can and can’t do?”
“I don’t, it’s just,” Y/N stared at his socks as he grew aggravated. “You’ve been home for 5 days. You would leave in, what day is it… Sunday? In one day?” He asked, glancing at Ghost. He had turned off the burner and pushed the pot onto the back burner to settle, turning to face Y/N.
“Yeah,” He responded curtly.
“You think that’s okay? Just, being gone all the time?”
“It’s my job.”
“Well, yeah, I get that, but you can turn this one down. You can spend some more time with me. Price didn’t give you an order or anything, right?”
“That’s not how that works and you know it.”
“I know…” He sounded dejected, embarrassed even. “I just… I miss having you here…”
“I know, but I have to do this.”
“Why?!” Y/N shouted, startling Ghost, who jumped at the sudden noise. It wasn’t often that Y/N would yell. He was rather soft-spoken and understanding, so it was almost scary to see him so upset. “Why can’t you be here?! Just for a few more days, that’s all I want!”
“I-” Ghost choked, eyes scanning Y/N’s face.
“I’m sick of it! I hate you leaving me for weeks on end, months, even, and once you come home it’s- it’s all you talk about! Work! I hate it!” Tears beaded in his eyes as he screamed. “I just- I want you, Simon!”
Ghost stared at him speechless. His mouth opened and closed as he tried to articulate a sentence, for the right words to say that would soothe the ache in Y/N’s heart. Nothing could come to mind.
“You said it was okay when we started dating,” He said, eyes dark. Y/N scowled, hot tears falling from his eyes. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“This wasn’t what I signed up for. Being neglected.”
“Neglected? Are you kidding?”
Y/N huffed. “It’s not my fault that I feel like y- you love your job more than me.”
“No, it’s not your fault. It’s mine. It always is, isn’t it?”
“S- Stop it! That’s not wuh- what I meant-”
“No, but it’s what you thought. Listen, I like what I do. You can suck it up and deal with it.”
“I- I know you do, I just-”
“Stop stuttering, for fucks sake!”
Y/N choked out a sob and felt his knees wobble. He puffed out his bottom lip slightly and stared at Ghost with a hurt look. When Y/N was anxious, he would stutter. Ghost knew that he was insecure about that.
“I-” He paused so that he could sound out every word without stumbling over them. “I hate you.”
Ghost twitched, hands flexing around nothing.
“Then leave,” He said without thinking. Y/N whimpered and shoved past Ghost before he could process the words that spilt past his lips.
By the time he did figure out what he said, the front door had slammed shut and Y/N’s coat was gone, his house key still on the hook. He took a shaky breath and walked to their shared bedroom to lie down and cool his head. Maybe a walk would help Y/N regain his thoughts.
“And then- he- he made fun of me,” Y/N sobbed, choking on tears while he drank a beer. “Then he told me to leave.”
“Oh, my god…” The bartender murmured. She was one of Y/N’s close friends, and he always took the bus to get to her bar when he was upset. “What a cunt!” She exclaimed. “I can’t believe you’re dating that bastard!”
“Ally, gimme a scotch,” He said before finishing his beer. “And another beer.”
That went on for some time. Drinking and sobbing and ranting, Ally listened to every word with a comforting presence.
“Do you think…” Ally turned her head from where she was fixing someone a pint of Guinness, “that it’s my fault?” Ally turned back to the glass, placing it down so it could settle, before walking over to Y/N again.
“Maybe a little,” She said, reaching out to wipe his cheeks with a towel that was in her apron. His face was burning hot, and his eyes were puffy and bloodshot. Y/N cried harder at her words, and she continued to wipe them off his face. “But you came from a good place. You should talk to him with a level head.”
Y/N looked at her with snot running down his nose. “He hates me.”
“No, I’m sure he doesn’t hate you, darling.” She walked back to the Guinness to fill it the rest of the way before handing it to an older gentleman who took it with a smile. Y/N watched her as he felt the beginning of a migraine seep through the back of his skull, creeping into his brow bone and making the back of his eyes ache. Beer doesn’t substitute water well, especially when you’re expelling all of it through your face for hours on end. His eyes drooped and his head felt heavy, so he went limp and let his forehead smack against the bar.
“BloodyJesus!” Ally jumped, glaring at Y/N. Her gaze softened at his pitiful figure: an odd bloke, drunk off his arse, sobbing in the furthest corner of the bar. It was a miracle he hadn’t thrown up yet. “Christ, don’t you dare blackout in my bar, Y/N.”
Ally’s phone buzzed in her pocket, and she fished it out to check the caller ID. ‘Simon’. She huffed and picked up, pressing it to her ear and being met with a very frantic Ghost.
“Have- Have you seen Y/N? We had a fight, he left and I- He hasn’t come home yet. I’m worried,” He said. He sounded close to tears if they weren’t already falling. A thick frog in his throat was making him choke on his words.
Ally sighed and looked at Y/N, who had managed to lift his head and reach for his unfinished beer. She smacked his hand away and grabbed the glass. “I’ve got ‘im.”
“Fuck, thank god. I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”
“What? It’s a 20-minute drive, how the hell are you… He’s hung up on me,” Ally groaned, pocketing her phone and dumping the beer in the sink. Y/N whined at the sight but didn’t audibly complain. Not in English at least.
“Gimme another,” He slurred, leaning on one of his arms. Ally shook her head and tended to another customer, fixing him a glass of whiskey and setting it in front of them.
She glanced at the front door when it burst open not 10 minutes later, slightly peeved at the sudden loud intrusion, and more so at the fact that it wasn’t a regular. Her eyes softened, however, as she saw that it was Simon. He was frantically scanning the room, noticing Ally and rushing over to her before seeing Y/N, utterly ossified and nearly asleep.
“You get this drunk out of my pub,” She said. He nodded and wordlessly helped Y/N up, wrapping an arm around him before deciding that he would fare better at bringing him home by lifting him up. Ally watched as Ghost lifted Y/N up onto his back with ease, piggybacking him.
“Thank you,” He said quietly. Ally shook her hand and shooed him, desperate to get this show out of her pub and back onto the streets where it belonged. As the door closed behind Ghost, one of the men sat at the bar looked at Ally with a confused face.
“What the feck was that holy show?” He asked, leaning forward as if it were a secret.
“Two very sad man-children.”
Y/N woke up in bed with a hangover feeling entirely shattered. He groaned and shrank back under the blankets, burying his face in his pillow to avoid the blinding morning sun.
“Oh my god…” He whimpered, rubbing his eyebrows with his fingers and groaning again. He heard the bedroom door open, but couldn’t will himself to look over to see who it was.
“Good morning,” Ghost said, walking beside the bed and setting a cold glass of water on the nightstand with 3 Dexibuprofen and a Lucozade Sport. “For your hangover.”
Y/N poked his head out of his little cocoon to look at Ghost, who was now crouched down to be eye level with him, his eyes welling up with tears at the stupid, sorry look on his face. Y/N reached out his hand and cupped his face, rubbing his stubbly cheek with his thumb. Simon leaned into his touch, eyes glossy as he looked at Y/N.
“ ‘M sorry…” Y/N whispered. His head was throbbing, but Simon was here in front of him and that was good enough for him. “I don’t hate you…”
“I know,” He responded, cupping Y/N’s hand and moving it to press a kiss to his palm. “You worried me.”
He blinked away his tears and leaned in to kiss Y/N softly, who welcomed it tenderly, holding the back of Simon’s neck. He pulled back and rested their foreheads against each other, gazing into each other's eyes carefully.
“Could you,” Simon whispered, “say that you love me?” His voice cracked at the end, his face reddening slightly with embarrassment as a tear rolled down his cheek.
“I love you, Simon,” Y/N said, leaning in to kiss him again. “I love you.”
“Take your pain killers,” He said, pulling away from Y/N so he could sit up enough to drink the pills down.
A wave of relief washed over his face when he swallowed a mouthful of cold water. It felt as though it went straight to his migraine, cooling his brain that was aching. His eyes finally felt like they weren't going to pop out of their sockets.
Simon watched as Y/N began to relax. He drank so quickly that water dripped down his chin and onto his chest. Simon smiled at Y/N with a certain fondness that was reserved just for him. A smile that only he had seen, or one that maybe Soap or Price would see a glimpse of when thinking of him.
Y/N finished the glass and set it on the side table, wiping his chin with the back of his hand and looking at Simon.
“Will you lay with me?” He asked. He looked tired again, and Simon felt tired, too.
“Yeah,” He said, crawling into bed with Y/N and laying with his head on his chest. “I love you.”
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everybodyshusband · 4 months ago
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uhhh in My Feels™️ so woe, ansgt be upon ye !!!
disabled rain, angst, hurt/not much comfort, it's just sad and a bit weird and bad i'm sorry ksdfjnsfkdf divider by the icon that is @/wrathofrats
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Rain is a jealous ghoul. He’s always known it.
It’s fun, sometimes. Fun to let his packmates play with his jealousies until he just can’t help but snap. Until he’s got one of them over his lap, turned on beyond belief, skin red hot, as they beg for his mercy. As they apologise for daring to belong to anyone but him.
So yes, his jealousy is fun, but he never expected for it to manifest like this.
The first time, he thought he was just overtired. Anger boiling inside of him caused by lack of sleep the previous night rather than jealousy of one of his packmates. After all, this is a stupid thing to be jealous about, and the night before, well… He’d been rather too busy being taken apart inch by painstaking inch by Zephyr to really have had any modicum of decent sleep at all. So again, why was he jealous? Why is he still jealous? What motive did he have to be jealous of the ghoul that was in his bed only the night before?
It wasn’t until Aeon was summoned that he figured it out. Until the sensation of his blood boiling could be tied to more than just an abstract feeling of annoyance bubbling under his skin. With Aeon, he’s never felt his usual jealousy—the quintessence ghoul is in his bed more often than not, so why would he? What he has felt however, has been that awful, sick feeling of hatred every time that new ghoul stumbles. Complains of his ailments. Asks to borrow one of Zephyr’s old canes or pairs of forearm crutches for stability on a particularly bad day.
That’s when it had all clicked together. Aeon. Zephyr. Sometimes even Mountain or Cumulus.
But never Rain.
His jealousy stems from the fact that they get help. They are allowed to be in pain, to be uncomfortable. They have a reason. They have been seen by Omega, by Aether, by the team in the infirmary, and they all have something different about them.
Rain doesn’t.
Rain, with the hyperextended legs that apparently cause him no medical difficulties and yet still stumbles during practice or onstage. Rain, with the perfect iron count whose vision still turns to static when he stands up. Rain, with joints that ache, bones that pop, a head that never quite seems to be able to pay attention as well as the others, but he’s fine. No matter how hard he presses that something is wrong, he’s fine. Nevermind that he’s been Up Top for years, nevermind that he’s done all that he can to treat this on his own. Nevermind that he’s getting worse. He’s fine, at least that’s what Aether had told him the last time he took a trip to the infirmary.
So yes, he’s jealous. He’s jealous of Zephyr’s chair on their bad days and the fact that Aeon feels no shame in asking to borrow mobility aids from ghouls that aren’t using them. He’s jealous that Cumulus only needs to ask Aether for a wrist splint before one is in her lap, being meticulously fastened by the quintessence ghoul himself. He’s tried to reign it in, the intensity of his emotions about this, but no matter how hard he tries, he just can’t. He knows it’s not anyone’s fault, least of all Aeth’s or Meg’s—they’re just doing their jobs, there’s protocol they have to follow—but that knowledge doesn’t stop the jealousy, the aggravation, the hatred of his beloved packmates for simply existing in a way that he’s not allowed to. For getting help in a way that he’s too scared to ask for.
He often thinks that perhaps this is why he’s so angry, so jealous. It’s his own fault he can’t—won’t—ask for help from any of them. He knows he’s allowed to. He knows that Aether and Omega would be more than happy to bend the rules a little to help him out, or that Zephyr wouldn’t mind lending him a (literal) something to lean on when Rain needs it. But he’s scared. Scared that if they can help, he won’t be in pain anymore and he’s been lying this whole time. And scared that if they can’t, that he’s unfixable, untreatable. That this vessel is just another one of God’s mistakes that Satan never bothered to fix. Maybe it is. Maybe there’s no fixing him. No helping him.
He hopes that’s not the case. As much as getting whatever this is fixed scares him, he knows he can’t go on like this forever. His pack knows it too. Zephyr had noticed it first. They’d sat him down one day in their room and had simply waited until it had all come pouring out in a mess of tears and snot and helplessness. Since then, the pack have known what’s been happening and as a collective, they’ve been doing their best to help him. It’s nice, he thinks. For them to be so kind to a being as broken as himself. One day he’ll try his best to repay them all. For now though, he just needs to work up the energy to swing his legs over the edge of his mattress, to muster up the courage to call Aeon and ask for his help, and maybe a cane.
Or maybe he’ll just stay in bed a while longer...
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bbobpul · 1 year ago
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break my heart again — njm
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PAIRING. na jaemin x female reader SUMMARY. y/n has a crush on jaemin so she decided to dedicate her entire college life to him. GENRE. angst, fluff W/C. 3.5k NOTE. hi, i'm back with a jaemin au. please comment your thoughts and reblog (IF U WANT TO OKIE?) enjoy reading, babes.
╰⁠(⁠ ⁠・⁠ ⁠ᗜ⁠ ⁠・⁠ ⁠)⁠➝ my other works !!!!! part two
i find it hard to picture myself ever being as dedicated to something or someone again, just like how i dedicated my entire college life to na jaemin.
lately, i've been feeling like i forgot what it's like to actually have a dream. back then, na jaemin was my dream, he was my driving force. i would force myself to wake up so early in the morning just so i could see him (or his car) enter the gates of the university. i would go to school even though i am sick and feel a lot better when i get home because i saw na jaemin. but now two years after graduating, i still haven't found a decent job that i actually enjoy.
it's a common experience that many people go through, and i suppose i shouldn't complain about it. maybe i need to put in more effort and push myself harder. part of me wonders if having na jaemin back in my life would rekindle that same sense of dedication that i once had. but as i say these thoughts out loud, they sound absurd, even to myself. why would i wish for my first love to return just so i could find a decent job? why would i long for na jaemin to come back merely to feel that spark in my life again? it's puzzling why i'm even dwelling on thoughts of him and wondering if he holds the key to my happiness and success.
it feels like a constant struggle between my heart and my mind. i love na jaemin and i always will but a lot of things happened and a lot of things have changed.
na jaemin has caused significant damage to both.
first year, in third person's pov
"hi, jaemin from the architecture building! you look reaaaally cool ! have this cookie.
ps. i am a really good baker"
jaemin read the note with a bewildered gaze and furrowed brows. as she moved away from him and gradually disappeared into the distance, he observed her. she had given him something before this week, not for the first time. the start of college had only been two weeks, and in that brief time, y/n had been continuously giving jaemin presents. whether it was food, pencils, or a handkerchief, it was usually the delectable stuff she baked herself.
on the other hand, y/n ran to the lecture room with the big window as soon as she left jaemin's building. she was at the ideal spot to see everything, including jaemin, the person who held her heart and was also her first love.
because she saw her crush and gave him another gift, which he gratefully accepted, she was grinning widely, an 18-year-old young woman having a good day.
however, she isn't entirely certain of that. y/n never saw jaemin use or consume any of the things she handed him. she never did a second check. she is not creepy in that way. but she's not really that foolish. y/n has doubts about jaemin's ability to keep what she provides him. she is therefore gazing at him from behind the window.
cold and silence filled the empty lecture hall. warmth filled y/n, and she could feel her heart thumping loudly inside her chest.
jaemin stood there for a moment, clutching y/n's note in his hand. however, instead of keeping it or cherishing the gesture, he proceeded to walk towards the gardens beside his building, making his way towards the trash can and threw the note away. this unexpected action left y/n feeling puzzled and somewhat disheartened.
after discarding the note in the trash can, jaemin made his way back to his building. y/n's attention shifted as she observed a group of people approaching jaemin, engaging in a lively conversation with him. seeing him happily interacting with his friends brought a smile to her face, knowing that he was surrounded by good company.
however, her confusion resurfaced when she noticed jaemin handing the paper bag she had given him to one of the girls in the group. it left her wondering why he didn't keep the gift for himself and why he chose to give it to someone else instead.
'oh,' y/n thought to herself, 'at least he didn't waste the food i gave him.' despite her disappointment, she found solace in knowing that her gift, the one she had carefully prepared, wasn't entirely disregarded.
as she silently observed the scene, her heart raced with an intensity that almost drowned out all other sounds. the thumping in her chest echoed so loudly that she failed to notice the time. caught in the moment, she couldn't tear her eyes away as jaemin entered the lecture room in his building.
her mesmerizing watchfulness caused her to lose track of time, and before she knew it, she was late for her next subject. but despite the consequences, she couldn't help but linger a little longer, hoping to catch another glimpse of jaemin, the person who had unknowingly become the center of her world.
after what happened, y/n never stopped. she is the textbook definition of complete commitment. as long as na jaemin knows her, there is something in her that believes that na jaemin will learn how to love her.
second year
once again, life has taken many twists and turns, bringing about significant changes.
amidst it all, y/n's unwavering commitment and dedication to na jaemin remained steadfast, even growing stronger over time.
when she learned from his friends that he often skipped breakfast, relying solely on coffee, y/n's concern for his well-being took center stage. without a second thought, she began preparing packed lunches for jaemin, determined to ensure he didn't go through his days on an empty stomach.
this act of caring displayed the depth of her feelings and the lengths she was willing to go to look out for him.
on the other hand, na jaemin continued with his usual routine. upon receiving y/n's notes, he would read them briefly before tossing them away, seemingly unaffected by their contents. similarly, he would pass on the items she gifted him to any of his friends without much thought or consideration. it became evident that jaemin's actions were a stark contrast to y/n's heartfelt gestures, leaving her to wonder why her expressions of care and affection didn't seem to have a significant impact on him.
y/n is well aware of the reality of the situation, and she's not naive. however, a part of her still clings to the same belief she had back in her first year. deep down, she holds onto the hope that as long as na jaemin knows her, there's a chance he might eventually learn how to love her in return. despite the challenges and past disappointments, this glimmer of optimism persists within her heart, keeping her hopeful for a future that may yet unfold.
third year
"hey, jaemin," y/n had been practicing those two words for what felt like an eternity, or maybe three years. this would be the first time she'd initiate a conversation with him this year. in the past, they hadn't exchanged many words, and this might be the longest interaction they've had.
"i have a friend who's studying the same course as you, and he's very sick right now. i was wondering if i could borrow your notes for him?" she asked, putting on a friendly smile.
"who's your friend?" jaemin inquired after a few moments of silence.
"renjun. i'm sure you know him. he's a pretty outstanding student," y/n replied, maintaining her smile.
"uh, yeah. i don't have any notes right now since i'm headed somewhere, but i'll give them to you later," he said, scratching his head.
"can i get your insta?" jaemin suddenly asked, catching y/n off guard and making her flustered.
"h-huh?" y/n stammered, puzzled by his request.
"so i can contact you and give you the notes," jaemin explained.
"oh!" y/n exclaimed, finally understanding his intention.
jaemin handed his phone to y/n, and she quickly typed in her username. he then called her there to verify if it was correct, and when her phone rang, jaemin started to walk away, seemingly content with the exchange.
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"i really thought it would be you," y/n murmured to herself, her disappointment evident.
despite feeling let down, y/n gathered her emotions and began walking towards the library, which lay three buildings away from her current location. as she strolled, her mind was preoccupied with thoughts about who gigi might be. y/n had a close circle of friends among jaemin's acquaintances, yet no one had ever mentioned anyone named gigi. this led her to ponder whether gigi was someone special to jaemin or simply a random person in their department that he asked to deliver the notes.
a smile tugged at the corners of her lips at the idea that jaemin would go to great lengths just to ensure she received the notes, even disturbing someone from his own class to pass them on when he couldn't do it himself.
but y/n soon chided herself for entertaining such thoughts, recognizing that she might be crossing into a realm of delusion. still, in the midst of her contemplations, there remained a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, jaemin's actions held a deeper significance.
y/n settled down on one of the bean bags near the entrance of the library, strategically positioning herself for gigi to easily spot her. despite being in the library now, her thoughts were still consumed by questions about who this mysterious gigi could be. she was aware that she shouldn't be dwelling too much on a stranger, but doubts had begun to creep in, even though she knew she shouldn't entertain them.
as she waited, her mind oscillated between curiosity and uncertainty, grappling with the urge to push these thoughts aside and focus on other matters. y/n was determined to keep her emotions in check, yet the enigmatic presence of gigi kept tugging at her thoughts, creating an internal struggle she couldn't entirely ignore.
y/n's thoughts were abruptly interrupted by a voice calling out to her, "hey, y/n, right?" it was gigi.
surprised but composed, y/n responded, "hi, yes. it's me."
gigi smiled and handed over the notes, saying, "here are the notes. i need to leave right away since i have somewhere to be."
"alright, thanks a lot. goodbye," y/n replied with gratitude, watching gigi leave as she contemplated the encounter and the enigmatic figure who had delivered the notes. the brief interaction only deepened her curiosity about gigi, leaving her with even more questions than before.
feeling all kinds of emotion, y/n put the notes in her bag and reminded herself to pass by renjun's apartment later to give it to him.
fourth year
as graduation approached for y/n, she couldn't help but feel a sense of urgency. with only one more year left for jaemin before he graduated, she knew this was her chance to go all out. this year, she continued her tradition of sending him notes and small gifts, but there was one significant difference - she finally had the courage to engage in conversation with him.
they had slowly transitioned into friends, and y/n couldn't be more thrilled. woohoo! it all began when she got his number after their third year ended. from that point on, they started going out for lunch once every two months. it wasn't a regular occurrence, only happening when they both remembered each other or when jaemin had free time from his monthly or weekly important errands.
despite the infrequent meet-ups, y/n cherished every moment they spent together. gradually, their bond grew stronger, and y/n treasured the gradual transformation of their relationship, hoping that this newfound closeness would eventually lead to something more.
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this is the side of jaemin that y/n waited 3 and a half years for.
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lunch it is.
the pattern had become all too familiar - na jaemin would meet with y/n for lunch, only to vanish afterward for reasons y/n couldn't quite fathom. he would claim that the demands of his architecture studies were intense, requiring months of unwavering focus. while y/n understood the challenges of his field, she couldn't help but sense that there was more to his absences than met the eye.
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"Why does he need two phones anyway?" Y/n mumbled under her breath as she reached the table.
A sigh of relief escaped her when she spotted Jaemin's phone resting on the table, glad to see it wasn't lost or stolen.
"He's stupid," she grumbled to herself as she noticed his phone screen lit up. She instinctively reached for the phone, intending to turn it off. However, as she held it, her eyes couldn't help but wander to the conversation displayed on the screen - a conversation that unexpectedly caught her attention. Despite not intending to pry, the mention of her name within that conversation stirred her curiosity, prompting her to read further.
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y/n was fully aware that what she had done was wrong on so many levels. she knew she shouldn't have invaded his privacy by reading that private conversation. however, strangely enough, she felt a sense of gratitude for stumbling upon the truth she never knew she needed.
the revelation hit hard: na jaemin was only with her out of weariness. he had grown tired of her and all her expressions of affection - the gifts, the packed lunches, and her feelings. it left y/n questioning herself, wondering if she had been too overbearing or intrusive. but she couldn't ignore the fact that na jaemin was straightforward, and she would have stopped if he had just told her to do so. y/n was always understanding and respectful of boundaries.
yet, the truth remained a bitter pill to swallow. it hurt to realize that she had been fooling herself, clinging to hope and misinterpreting his actions as genuine interest. now, faced with the reality of his weariness, y/n couldn't help but grapple with the thought of letting go and moving on, even if it meant relinquishing the connection she had longed for with na jaemin.
"y/n, sorry i took so long. it started raining outside," jaemin explained as he approached her. "why aren't you seated?" he asked with concern.
y/n quickly wiped her tears, trying to compose herself before facing jaemin. however, her tear-stained cheeks gave away her emotions, taking jaemin aback.
"i'm so sorry, jaem," y/n managed to say before turning away and walking off, leaving jaemin bewildered by her sudden departure.
instinctively, jaemin followed after her, his confusion growing with each step he took. he couldn't understand why y/n was upset, and his heart sank at the thought of having caused her pain. he needed to find out what happened, to make things right again.
in the pouring rain, jaemin continued calling out y/n's name until they reached the parking lot, both now drenched.
"sorry for what, y/n?" jaemin inquired, trying to understand her sudden distress.
"for everything," y/n hastily replied, her focus on locating her car in the vast parking lot.
"did something come up? do you need me to drive you there? y/n, please talk to me," jaemin pressed, genuine concern etched on his face.
"i don't need you to do anything, jaemin!" y/n retorted sharply, her emotions getting the better of her.
jaemin fell silent, taken aback by the intensity of her outburst.
"did i do something, hmm?" jaemin countered, trying to make sense of her anger.
"did i tire you out?" y/n asked, leaving jaemin even more puzzled.
"were the packed lunches annoying? did the gifts annoy you? you know you could have easily told me to stop if you hated it. but you kept accepting it, you kept accepting me!" her words poured out, tinged with frustration and uncertainty.
"what are you talking about?" jaemin asked, genuinely bewildered by her accusations.
"you could've easily told me to go away and forget my feelings. why did you have to lie to me, huh?!" y/n's voice cracked with emotion as she bared her heart, seeking answers that seemed to elude her in this turbulent exchange.
in that moment, y/n's anger felt misplaced and unjustified. she couldn't help but feel that jaemin had every right to be weary of her.
"did you read it?" jaemin asked calmly.
"i'm... i'm sorry. i know i shouldn't have," y/n confessed, her remorse evident.
jaemin got his answer. she had indeed read the private conversation. if it were someone else invading his privacy, he might have reacted with anger, but instead, he felt sorry and scared. not for himself, but for y/n. he worried that she might have misunderstood the context of the conversation and jumped to conclusions that could hurt her even more. despite the hurtful truth she had stumbled upon, jaemin couldn't bear to see y/n burdened by further pain because of it.
"y/n.. i'm sorry," jaemin started. the rain continued to drench the both of them. "i'm sorry if i'm only acknowledging your feelings now. i'm sorry for lying to you. but i can't. friendship is the only thing i could offer to you. i'm not capable of loving anyone, y/n. not right now."
"i'm sorry too, jaem." y/n looked into his eyes with so much pain seeing nothing but pity to her and now she felt more bad. one last look into the man she loves before leaving everything behind.
weeks after that
from the instant she started moving away, a sense of unease settled upon y/n. in the days leading up to graduation, doubt gnawed at her, as if the choices she had made over the past four years were suddenly cast into uncertainty, leaving her with a haunting feeling of investing time in something that might not have been the right path.
stripped of her sole motivating factor, all due to her own foolishness.
in a decisive act, she meticulously cut the threads that bound her to jaemin, even extending her detachment to a few of his closest companions. a profound sentiment of shame now courses through her veins, an emotion as palpable as the weight of those four years that has suddenly descended upon her. the relentless toil, the countless hours spent perfecting recipes and perusing stores, each instance accompanied by the whispered refrain, 'this would bring a smile to jaemin,' now lingers in the air, suspended like the remnants of a wistful dream, leaving her heart heavy with a sense of squandered devotion.
a few more days slipped by, and y/n couldn't shake off that familiar feeling. today was supposed to be a total high point, a day of triumph. but with all those self-doubts clouding her mind, she wasn't sure if she had the green light to party. that whole jaemin situation still stung, and it was like an unwelcome guest at her celebration.
amidst the sea of fellow graduates, y/n ascended the stage, the cheers of thousands echoing around her. as she stood there, a distinct yearning tugged at her heart, a search for something or someone that eluded her in that very instant. a mere glimpse would have sufficed to fill the void she felt. yet, she was aware of the futility, for the one she sought, jaemin, was not among those donning the graduation cap this year. a year still separated his own moment of triumph from hers.
y/n returned home that evening, burdened by an unseen weight in her chest. little did she realize that the heaviness would escalate the instant she crossed her apartment threshold and unlocked her phone. it was as if the weight could transcend reality, threatening to plummet through the floor, shattering tiles and disrupting the tranquility of the neighbor residing below.
what unfolded before her eyes was a paradox, an unexpected contradiction to the jaemin who had shattered her heart. there he stood, unreservedly embracing a sense of love and joy, his beaming image accompanied by the words, "four years, finally. congrats!" the sight was jarring, a stark contrast to the version of him she had come to know. in that moment, it became painfully evident that the subject of the image was not her, nor would it ever be.
"guess you're capable of love after all," y/n mused inwardly, a bitter smile tugging at her lips as she stared at her phone.
fast forward two years, and it hit her like a ton of bricks – that was the moment of clarity. the very point where she finally untangled herself from him, and in the process, freed her own heart. she figured out something pretty straightforward: love wasn't some rare skill, it was just a matter of who you're dealing with. and right then and there, it struck her like lightning that jaemin was never going to be the one for her.
back in the mix of it all, two years back, she made a pact with herself – one day, she'd break free from the cycle of falling for him. she harbored a hope, a wish for the future: that someone, someday, would come along and love her just as fiercely as she had loved him.
————————————————————————————
part two :)))))))
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