#I'm sick and tired but I've been sleeping more than what I've been awake for the last two days

[thecherrygod]

Sometimes I just end up daydreaming about what it would be like if I had managed to pursue my small interests or hobbies that I don't really do anything about/that my interest for them fell through the cracks/that I don't see enough potential in myself to live off of them. And like. What life would be like if I thought even slightly different about any of them. I like to think somewhere down the line in another world there is this guy who managed and is living his best life

[kittyhazelnut]

so who's gonna volunteer to just fuckin murder me

[prettyforwoso]

Intertwining Legs

Alexia Putellas x reader smut

MASTERLIST

Warnings/ Summary: Soft needy smut, dom!alexia, sub!reader, fingering, scissoring

a/n: I've been gone. But now I'm back! HAhaha. I wrote this bc I fear there is a scissoring lesbian smut shortage-and we cannot be having that!

enjoy :)

The feeling between your legs has only been growing over the past few days. You were desperate for your girl, yearning for her to make you feel good. 

Alexia would usually never hesitate to give you exactly what you want, never wanting anything more than to get you in the headspace that you needed to be in. However, recently it's been different, with you still recovering from a recent illness, Alexia has become more hesitant about how she handles you- not wanting to push you too hard in your current state. You tried and tired to reassure her that you were fine, but it was no use. 

You eventually gave up, and with this new mindset, you acquired a new found frustration. You would only admit to yourself that maybe a little of this frustration was completely made up and in reality, an elaborate play to get more of Alexia's attention as she tried to figure out what was wrong. Little did you know- Alexia was very much aware of this too, however played along, with the intent of not upsetting her baby. 

Alexia knew you needed something to ground you at the moment, something to blame your anger and frustration on. In reality, it was clear to Alexia that there was a lot more going on in your head. You had been home, sick for a week, with nothing to do, bored out of your own mind. You were recovering now, but still not able to go back to training for a few days. In the back of her mind, she felt guilty that she wasn’t entertaining you, but she knew it was for the best. 

Your illness was easy to blame on your body being overworked and you not resting enough, you mostly just had a headache and sleepiness- it doesn't take a scientist to work that out. Therefore, Alexia didn’t have to worry about getting sick. She showed you all the love she could that didn't risk dangering your delicate form. 

You felt otherwise, and you made that as clear as you could over the past few days. 

“Are you coming to bed bebita?” Alexia speaks from the bed. She has her head in a book, as if to do more than just read it. You walk around the room finishing your bedtime routine. You stand and face her, dressed in your pajama top and underwear. “Yes… I can’t find my pants” 

Alexia breaks contact with her book to look at you when you speak however, doesn’t reply. 

You soon give up on the search, climbing into bed and taking your underwear off on the way. You curl up next to Alexia and she pulls her arm around you. “What are you reading baby?” You ask, looking up at her from her side. She looks down at you and presses a kiss to your forehead. She opps to not answer your question with words, instead closing the book over her thumb marking the page and shows you the cover. It’s one of the many books you got her for christmas, she’s been slowly making her way through them all. 

This kind of domesticity wasn’t abnormal in your relationship, Alexia usually stayed awake longer than you, working and then later coming and joining you in bed, or staying up reading in bed, with you wrapped up on her side. You are usually quick to roll over and fall asleep, usually taking Alexia arm with you and holding the side of your face, laying against it, or having her wrap it around your face and stroking your cheek with her thumb.

Tonight wasn't any different. Your eyes fell shut as Alexia turned the pages of her novel, too deep in the narrative to switch off and go to sleep. 

You were in and out of a shallow sleep by the time Alexia breaks from her book. Your delicate snores lead her towards you as she folds the corner of her page and closes the book, leaving it on the bedside table. She wraps her arms around your much smaller figure, pulling you closer to her and she shoves her face into your neck, engulfing herself in your scent. Your skin is smooth as she runs her nose along your neck. “Mhmm I love you so much my girl” 

She is aware you are asleep, however always says it anyway. You make muffled sleeping sounds as she moves around behind you, getting comfortable. You're now slowly becoming more awake, more awake and more aware of her. She's watching you, hovering above you and watching you. 

You crack your eyes open and look at her, vision still foggy from your state of sleep. “Eres tan hermosa mi amor” She says, breaking the silence. You roll your eyes and she pouts. “Where is my babygirl's smile huh?” She teasingly asks. “Alexia, I was sleeping” You joke back, the smile slowly creeping into the side of your mouth. Alexia's face gets closer as she brings her lips to yours, placing a soft kiss on your tender lips. “Wake up for me” she breaks the kiss. “Please, let me touch you.”

You're not sure what about Alexia's book that had got her in this mindset, but you had just woken up, and it was the middle of the night. Right now all you wanted from Alexia was her own body, her own hands and face. You needed it, close to you. 

Alexia's large hands are soon slowly rolling you over so you are laying flat on top of her, facing the ceiling. She shuffles up the bed so her upper body rests in the pillows as her face returns to your neck. You're starting to squirm on top of her, your legs falling open. “Alexia, baby” you breathe out.

“Shhh, you’re okay, ten paciencia mi amor” she whispers in your ear. Almost in the way you would expect her to talk to a pet. 

Her hands are beginning to wonder by the time her lips leave your neck, allowing you to turn your face into her. You're not wearing any underwear, just your top. You wouldn't be surprised if Alexia could feel your wetness dripping down onto her own core. 

And she absolutely could. It only had her more frantic with her hands, desperate to reach your core as soon as possible, not forgetting to give your nipples some love. 

Alexia was really no stranger to your boobs, frequently having one in her mouth, sometimes even falling asleep sucking on one of your nipples, molding the other one with her hand. 

One of Alexia's hands is soon to arrive where you are desperate for it, the other playing with your hard nipples. “Can I touch you here baby” she asks gently, as if it was your first time all over again. “Si us plau” you reply. Your attempt to speak the Catalans langage has always been a turn on for her, and in this moment, motivation.

Her long skilled fingers make themselves known at your core, moving from your clit to your hole consistently, making you squirm more. Her middle finger dips inside and you moan. Alexia smiles widely. Her finger moves from her knuckle, up and down inside you until you begin to shake, her palm pushing against your clit and she moves her hand with her consistent motions. The rhythm of it all begins to form the feeling in your stomach. “Alexia, oh fuck baby. I’m gonna come” You speak into her side, attempting to hide your face. “Whenever you’re ready princess, come for me” she answers. The hand on your boobs now comes down to hold your legs open and your warmth begins to take over. You grab a hold of her thick forearm with both hands as your body goes limp, you breathe through it like Alexia taught you to. 

“Good girl, good baby” she coos in your ear as you ride through your high. You're a moaning mess, breathing hard fast. “Shhhh, breathe for me, you’re ok baby. Et tinc”

As you begin to calm down, you realise that Alexia is no longer under you, now between your legs, stripped and rubbing your thighs with her hands.

You're too soon back to a normal state, eyes open and mind working again. “There's my pretty girl” Alexia says, coming up to your face and placing a small gentle peck on your lips. You simply squirm and moan in response- not abnormal for you in your post blitz. 

Alexia picks up your hips and tilts them a little more upward, making sure that you are still comfortable. Suddenly she is swinging her leg over yours and placing her own core against yours. 

This act of pure intimacy is something you absolutely yearned for. You loved when Alexia would strap you, filling you up, but there was something so special about interwinding your legs with each other and feeling each other in a most intimate way. 

Your head falls back into her pillow as she begins to roll her hips against yours. It was so gentle. 

Her head is soon coming to lay on your chest as the two of you create a rhythm of grinding on each other's cores. You hold one another as if this was nothing more than a soft cuddle after a long day. 

You both synchronize your breathing and moans as if neither one of you is in control, both just simply enjoying each others bodies. “Oh fuck, fuck baby. T'estimo tant” You say between breaths. “Jo també t'estimo, my sweet, sweet girl”

A new kiss is introduced, it's messy, as is her grinding against you. Lips and tongue with a mind of their own as the two of you put all of your focus in helping the other reach a climax. 

It’s coming. You can feel it in her legs. 

“Fuck, Oh my god, eghgh” Alexia looks down between your legs, the two of you making an absolute mess of one another. “Fuck are you coming baby? Come with me. Please, please my girl. Let me feel you” She trails off as she begins to shake. 

Your head falls back and she guides you through your second fall of the night. It's bigger, more high, you can’t keep your eyes open. You can hear Alexia as she screams through her own high, moving her body to sit up on your core, still grinding. She squeezes your ankle and pushes your legs more open, desperate to get more from you and she rides her high. 

The two of you soon fall quiet, the only sound in the air being you trying to catch your breath. Alexia lays back on your chest, your hands finding her hair. “Déu, t'estimo nena meva”. She turns her head and kisses your stomach. “I love you too” You speak back, looking down at her. “And thank you for looking after me” 

She looks up at you and smiles “Always.

[ddejavvu]

hiii!! can i suggest some hotch x bau!wife!reader where reader is pregnant and she doesnt know, but at work she goes on about how she doesnt know whats wrong with her lately and spencer suggests that she might be pregnant and then she find out that she is!!

I love your writing sm btw😚😚😚

i think i might finally have enough time to write whole blurbs again :'))

--

"No flamin' hot for you today, Mrs. Hotchner?" Derek eyes your bag of plain cheetos where they lay open on your desk, and you grimace at his phrasing.

"God, no," You groan, "Don't make me sick."

"You love those things," His brows furrow, and he leans on the edge of your desk with one hand, his thick fingers splayed out over the wood, "I'm pretty sure your tongue is permanently stained red by now."

"I like them when I'm not in the middle of some weird stomach bug," You admit, "I woke up sick. I don't know what did it, but it was probably something Jack brought home."

Derek pointedly removes his hand from your desk, but he's kind enough not to tell you that he thinks you're contagious.

"Feel better, mama." He offers with something that you're sure is supposed to be a sympathetic smile, but looks a little more like a wince. Emily isn't so easily scared off, though, and she continues munching on the carrot sticks she'd brought for a snack.

"You look tired," She comments, and you almost want to take offense, "You were up all night with your stomach thing?"

"No, just when my alarm went off," You hum, swallowing a bite of your sandwich and trying not to heave at the texture, "It was nice enough to let me sleep, but-" Your sentence is cut off with a well-timed yawn, "I feel like I've been awake for days."

"Probably just your period," Penelope hums softly, trying and failing to keep your menstrual cycle a secret, which isn't surprising considering her track record with secrets. Everyone is kind enough to ignore the information she revealed, but when you shake your head and grumble, 'I'm late.', Spencer snaps to attention.

"You've missed a menstrual cycle, you're feeling extreme fatigue, and you're experiencing morning sickness?" Spencer verifies, and it's only with his discerning brain that you feel a weight sink in your stomach - preferably not your unborn baby.

"Oh my god," You breathe, your hand coming subconsciously up to your stomach, "Oh my- oh my god! Aaron, Aaron!"

Aaron rushes out of his office with the combined urgency of boss and husband, his eyes locking on you sharp with concern.

The air between you is thick as the members of your team grin up at Hotch, leaving you the silence to cheer, "I'm pregnant!"

His eyes are no longer viciously worried, their sharp edge melting into something far softer. His lips part, barely enough to let air through, until they crack and curve upwards in a dazzling smile that the bullpen doesn't often get to see.

"You took a test?" He confirms, but when you shake your head, he dims slightly.

"Reid said I am," You offer, and his zeal is back. You're sure he wishes he could wrap you up in a truly breathtaking embrace, complete with kiss far too passionate for your work environment, but you'll save it until you're at home, away from prying eyes and phone cameras. Regardless, you can feel his exhilaration from where you stand, and you're already planning out a nursery in your mind.

"He's probably more trustworthy than the plastic stick," Derek claps Reid on the back, and the doctor looks like the wind was knocked out of him. They're both smiling, though, and you feel JJ's hand on your shoulder, squeezing happily.

"Congratulations," Rossi pats Aaron on the shoulder, much gentler than Reid had been subjected to, "But a word of advice, Hotch? Don't have any more. If I have to split my inheritance another way, it won't be worth killing me over."

[headspace-hotel]

How am I going to work for a living when being around other people, moving between different environments and expectations, or being exposed to noise for more than 3-4 hours a day makes me so exhausted it's challenging to perform basic self-care tasks, and pushing past that makes this condition worse, and doing that frequently creates long-term spillover that impairs my functioning for a much longer period

The psychologist who diagnosed me with autism insisted that I could become desensitized to noise through exposure, but it's been almost 10 years and I've never been able to increase my tolerance to stimuli even temporarily, only dramatically decrease it through, I guess, the cumulative effect of exhaustion.

The last semester in school I was having anxiety attacks every single day the first week, and from there I just...limped. I never got to the point where I felt okay and could think beyond just surviving the next day.

I would go to work and basically just, screw around hoping I wasn't in the way too much, because I could not move myself to think on the level of problem-solving and work on projects I wanted to accomplish, I was just too exhausted. I didn't meet any new friends. I didn't go to a single non-required event, even though I wanted to. My mom would ask me if I was enjoying my classes and I would be like..."I don't know." I was often too tired even to play Minecraft.

And I didn't read or write any fiction, even though my love of doing so used to be the fundamental part of my identity.

I kept getting extremely dehydrated and having scary symptoms and being unable to figure out what was wrong. I remember feeling certain that I was starting to get sick/run a fever at many different points throughout the semester, and then I would keep going and feel like 10% better and after a few days it would be clear that I wasn't sick and I wasn't going to become sick nor would I get significantly better quickly. I was sleeping a LOT—like I would be too tired to stay awake by 11:30pm, which is seriously unusual for me and usually means I'm getting sick, and yet I overslept my classes more times than I could count. I felt sure I had some sort of infection or something for the last couple weeks, and then when I came home for the holidays, everything just... cleared up. Still not sure if it was the dehydration or what.

Also, my menstrual period went irregular again??

[allthelovenina]

Levi Ackerman x reader

Angst, sfw, slight spoilers for season 4

Something was on your mind. Levi could tell,, but he couldn't exactly put his finger on it. You were losing weight and those eyebags under your eyes weren't unnoticed by him.

It pissed him off. He wasn't pissed just because of your change of habits, but also, the fact that you haven't opened up to him. Why wouldn't you tell him what's bothering you? Wasn't he safe enough for you? Did you not trust him? Perhaps you thought you would bug him.

He had enough of waiting and giving you time. He was going to ask you himself. He found you in the common kitchen one night, you were drinking tea and staring out the window, at the view of the training field. 'Now or never' he thought to himself.

"Hey, brat. Why are you still awake?"

You turned to the voice, the short figure of his standing in the dark, in the middle of the kitchen.

"Hello captain. I could ask you the same."

He raised an eyebrow. "You know I don't need much sleep. What's bothering you? You look like you have a stick up in your ass lately."

You chuckled. His mannerisms when he spoke never failed to make you laugh.

"It's fine. Just...overworking. That's all."

That was a lie. The real reason you've been stressed out was because you finally realized how much you loved Levi and that scared the shit out of you considering how fragile and unstable the situation of Paradis was. Sure, the fact that Eren was gone all by himself in the land of the enemy, the hatred your island was receiving from the whole world and the unavoidable war played their parts. Perhaps if it was 2 years ago when things were much less complicated, you wouldn't be this messed up. But right now you already had so much on your plate and Levi was a new topping on that. You found yourself constantly worried about him, it was ridiculous. You, worrying about the strongest man in the world.

Your sadistic brain kept you up all night thinking about going to Marley, only to lose Levi to their government. Oh if only they knew the power he possessed and the whole "Ackerman clan" history, they would capture him, drug him, put him in a cage and make him mate with random women like an animal just to give them more kids like him and once they are done, they'll leave him with another tragic story. Same thing...no...worse implied to Mikasa. You were so worried about them yet, it was only rational to put those two in the front line because they were the strongest ones.

"You're a talented liar, you know? Except that I can easily tell when you're lying."

"I'm not. Why would I?"

He was annoyed, frowned and clicked his tongue. "Stress is nothing new to you, yet I've never seen you like this. No matter what, you've always been so..."

"Levi, it's fine." He stopped as you interrupted him and let out a breathy sight. "That tea is clearly too cold."

You raised an eyebrow, he could see the amusement in your tired eyes.

He didn't have to know. That's what he realized and why he changed the topic. He needed to stop and calm down. You'd tell him if you wanted to. He had to respect that like he always did. He noticed the sadness and stress in almost everyone and let them be unless they reached out to him for help, but why couldn't he do the same about you? Why did he have to know what was wrong with you? Why was he worried sick in his stomach?

"Let me make you another one, will you?"

"Hmm...I wouldn't mind. Thank you."

Fine, don't tell me.

The next few days were hell for him, at this point he was the one with a stick in the ass. Grumpier than usual, scarier than ever. Even Hange barely could find the guts to talk to him. They would ask you to deliver their messages unless it was something that needed to be discussed face to face, even in that case they asked you to be there during the meeting.

One day, he came to your office with a cupcake in his hand. He remembers the first time he ate one. That was when you offered him one and told him how much you loved cupcakes. He absolutely hated it. Too sweet for his liking that he could throw it up. He left the cupcake on your desk.

"You eating this crap is better than you not eating at all, I guess."

You smiled as you saw the cupcake and took a bite. The flavour brought back your memories of the good old days. Man, you'd never thought you'd be calling those days 'the good old days'. Nanaba, Erwin and Mike. Levi's old squad, your old squad... all gone and the remaining cadets seemed so different now. The rush of memories brought tears to your eyes as your mouth was still full. Your shaking lips and teary eyes didn't go unnoticed by Levi.

"What the hell are you crying about?" His tune sounded a little harsh but mostly concerned. You couldn't tell him, he didn't need a reminder of the ones who got away. Swallowed the cake as tears fell your eyes and smiled. "Thank you, Levi..."

It was as if that was all he needed to hear to figure out everything. He patted your head with sad eyes. "Eat that all, please."

[abiatackerman]

Where he truly belongs

Event: @levievent "Levi Month 24"

💕 Day 9: Soulmates 💕

Canon universe! Captain Levi Ackerman x Scout Reader! Soft love with slight comedy! Fluffy romance! Sweet confessions! 1.1K Words!

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

The moonlight pours through the clean office window of Levi as the candles sigh with tiredness. They've reached their limits too but it seems like the captain hasn't. He's been working continuously and hasn't stopped even it's 2am. He didn't sleep last night either proving that the paperwork is more important to him. His right hand keeps putting the elegant signature of his on the rough papers as his tired eyes roam over them. But all of it gets interrupted when your loud voice yells his name and you burst into his room furiously.

"Levi Ackerman!"

The sudden sound of your angry voice and the door banging open jolts Levi out of his work. He looks up from his desk, his eyes widening slightly as he sees your furious expression.

"What the hell? What's gotten into you?"

He asks with his usual calm-rough voice. He's not surprised to see you at this hour since he knows it's not rare for you to stay awake at night. He knows you love to "waste your time" by reading instead of sleeping.

"I'll pull you by your ear and drag your ass to bed. The fuck is wrong with you? You haven't slept for 32 Hours!"

You hiss and march towards him and pull his ear.

"Ow! Dammit, woman! Do you know whose ear you're pulling?"

He winces a little as you grab his ear suddenly. He is not used to being manhandled like this, especially by a woman, but he knows he deserves it. He knows that he has been neglecting his own health and he knows that you have rights to be angry with him.

"Yes, my boyfriend's!"

You reply in a pissed voice and pull both of his ears as if you're a kid and his ears are your favourite toy.

"Alright, alright! I'll go to bed, just let go of my ear!"

He says and grips your wrists. You sigh at his words and let go of his ears.

"You make me worried sick every night when you don't sleep!"

You hiss and pull him by his wrist and he allows you to lead him through the halls of the Survey Corps headquarters. Grumbling under his breath, he follows obediently behind you. Once you reach your room, he walks inside and slumps down onto the bed, letting out a tired sigh.

"I'm sorry for worrying you, doll. I just have a lot on my mind and work is the best distraction, that's all."

He looks at you apologetically and you smile cheekily, hopping into the bed with him.

"Better distraction than me?"

Levi gives you a "Don't fuck with me stare" you laugh. You lay down beside him and start to caress his dark silky locks.

Levi closes his eyes as your fingers run through his hair, massaging his scalp. Letting out a content sigh, he relaxes into your touch. He reaches out and takes your other hand, bringing it to his lips and kisses your knuckles.

"You're too good to me, doll. I don't deserve you."

Your face softens at his words and you shake your head.

"That's a mutual feeling. I mean, tell me. What did I do to deserve the strongest, kindest, hottest, sweetest man in the earth? I love you."

He opens his eyes at your words and looks up at you, a small rare smile creeps up on his face as you caress his hair. He reaches up and cups your face in his hand, gently stroking your cheek with his thumb.

"I'm far from being the sweetest man. I've done my fair share of terrible things, but... You somehow make me feel like I'm worthy of love, even after everything I've done."

You smile softly and lean into his touch.

"You didn't do any of them because you wanted to. You had to do all those horrible things because you had no other way, because you had to save yourself."

Your voice softens as you kiss his lips so softly as if his lips are the most fragile thing in this earth.

"I wish I could be there to help you. You had a terrible time."

You whisper against his lips and he closes his eyes. He really loves it when you kiss him so gently, like he is vulnerable. He's not used to being treated like this. He's used to people seeing him as the strong and aloof captain, the man who could never break. But it's refreshing to receive some soft love when he's tired. Sometimes this is all he wants. To people stop treating him like he's unbreakable, like he's the strongest the strongest of all, like "he can't be vulnerable".

"You help me more than you know. Just having you by my side helps me more than you can imagine. Knowing that you love me and care about me... It's more than I deserve."

He confesses softly and you smile proudly. You cheekily mess his hair.

"See? Bad time always ends. You have me and the whole survey corps as your family now. I don't know about others but I can guarantee, I'm not leaving you that easily, Ackerman! Behind every strong man, there's always a supportive woman! And I want to be the one for you. I want to be 'humanity's strongest soldier's supportive woman'! Your woman, who's gonna mentally support you no matter what."

You smile proudly and take a deep breath. You look into his eyes as you confess in an honest and straightforward tone.

"I love you so much, Levi. So much that I'll be destroyed if you leave me."

As Levi hears your words, he feels a lump form in his throat. He rarely shows his emotions, but at this moment, he feels tears prickling at the corners of his eyes.

"I love you too, Y/n. You are my anchor, my reason for fighting. My soulmate, my one and only love. I will never leave you, no matter what happens. I will always be by your side, protecting you and loving you. As long as I'm alive"

His words make you emotional immediately and you hug him tightly. This is not the right time for crying. He's tired and he needs sleep. So you press his head in your chest, blinking away the tears and whisper softly.

"I know, Levi. Enough confessing for today. You're tired. Just go to sleep."

Levi nods at your words and closes his eyes, feeling the comforting beat of your heart under his cheek. He lets out a deep sigh, feeling the exhaustion of the past few days start to catch up to him.

"Thanks for coming into my life"

Levi murmurs, his voice drowsy and soft.

"You're very welcome, darling."

You respond softly and start to caress his hair again, to lull him to sleep. Levi's mind and body finally surrenders to the exhaustion that has been building up and he lets out a soft sigh. Since he can't fight against the calm melody of your heartbeat and your soft caresses, he finally falls asleep, wrapped in the warmth of your embrace where he knows he's safe.

In your arms, in his soulmate's arms, where he truly belongs.......

[talekinesis]

Magical Burnout

Fairly Oddparents fic

Since I'm sick, I'm also gonna make Irep sick :)

I've seen people headcanon Irep and Peri as co-workers/ co-fairies so I'm gonna jump on that too

Summary: Irep gets Magical Burnout and Peri takes care of him

Irep snapped awake and sat up, only to be pushed back down by his goody-two-shoes counterpart. He went to argue, but ended up turning away to cough into his elbow.

"Would you relax? I don't know why you wake up like you fought in war, that's the third time today." Peri grumbled. Though he couldn't help but look at his anti-fairy with pity. The poor guy was pale, thin, and despite sweating and having a fever, he was also shivering. Even his wings were pale and dry.

Dev sat off to the side, sort of just watching them, trying not to give away the fact he was worried, even though Peri had already explained that Magical Backup, and Magical Burnout weren't the same thing.

"Magical Burnout isn't lethal, it just means Irep was stupid and over-used his magic, and now he's sick. He'll be okay." He had said.

Though he told Dev he didn't have to worry, the kid still insisted on staying, and had sat quietly in the corner all morning, playing his puzzle game.

Peri helped Irep sit up and placed a bowl of soup in his lap. "I hope that shark-tornado was worth you getting this sick." He scolded.

The anti-fairy took in a wheezy breath. "Very much so-" he turned away and coughed again as Peri rolled his eyes.

"You look horrible, what spells did you even cast?" He asked, feeling Irep's forehead, and cringing when his forearm came back sweaty.

Dev looked guilty. "Hazel and I watched a bunch of sci-fi movies, and I thought they were cool so I wished for them to be real.. It's my fault-"

"No, Dev, it's not. You're a kid, he's an adult, he should know when his limit is and when to say no." Peri pinched the bridge of his nose. "What movies?"

"Sharknado, Piranhaconda, Robo-Croc, Tremors-"

Peri stopped him. "Some of those movies are too mature for you and Hazel- and I'm sorry, Tremors?? Did you at least wish them away??"

Dev shook his head and Peri groaned, though he turned his frustration to Irep. "You didn't magic them away??"

Irep gulped down the broth and lowered the bowl from his mouth. "No? Why would I do that?"

The fairy groaned and rubbed his face. He pulled out his wand and wished the sci-fi monsters away. "There. Now," he took the empty bowl from Irep and stood up, "Dev, he'll be fine, I'll look after him. You go on ahead and head to Hazel's, alright?"

Dev nodded and hopped down from his chair. Peri wished him over to Hazel's house, and looked back down at Irep, who seemed to be pouting.

"What?" Peri asked.

Irep huffed. "Why are you helping me? I left you to die when you got Magical Backup, and mine's not even lethal, I'd be fine without you're help."

"Yeah, but Magical Burnout sucks. Trust me, I've been there. It's not fun being sick on your own. No energy, struggling to get up and walk. Well, I got it when I was a kid, my mother just carried me-"

Irep scoffed. "My parents would never. My mother had a tendency to drop me-"

"Yeah, my dad too. Grand Canyon."

"And my father made me stay in- I'm sorry, did you just say you were dropped into the Grand Canyon??" He laughed, which just turned into a coughing fit.

Peri shook his head and laid him back down. Irep complied, too tired to protest, and turned over onto his stomach so his wings were comfortable, which told Peri he was planning on sleeping again.

The fairy placed a hand between his wings. "Get some rest. I'll have more soup for you when you wake up." He said. He got up from the bed and without thinking, he rubbed Irep's head before he left the room.

The anti-fairy breathed heavily into his pillow, figuring maybe working with Peri wouldn't be awful. 'He's a better person than me,' he thought.

___

hi sorry this was short or if it didn't make sense, I'm sick, tired, and I ended up rushing it so I could take a nap

I hope it was okay and ended up somewhat legible.

you can kinda see where I tried a "Oh look they're bonding now," thing but again I'm just tired and not feeling well

Anyway, I hope someone liked it

[britswriting]

The Announcement | Quadruple The Love H.S

Follow Y/N + Harry's journey from being a family of two, to a family of six! Also know as, Harry + Y/N have quadruplets! This series will contain blurbs, social media posts, interviews and everything family + fame!

full masterlist qtl masterlist Read on Wattpad

harrystyles and ynstyles

•∘ ∘•

♡ liked by: annetwist, niallhoran, liampayne, and 3,765,874 others harrystyles: Been busy on break

annetwist: I can't wait!!

gemmastyles: I've already bought onesies 🙈💞

liampayne: Welcome to the club, mate!

ynstyles: You owe me £5 for not spilling the beans!

harryfan1: OMG WHAT

harryfan2: She said.. I'm having your baby! ↳ harryfan3: And it's ALL OF HIS BUSINESS OMG

harryfan4: Guys... we're getting dadrry. I repeat, we're getting dadrry!

ynstyles

•∘∘∘∘

•∘∘∘

∘∘•∘∘ ∘∘∘•∘ ∘∘∘∘•

ynstyles: First trimester diaries! 🍼 First things first, finding out your pregnant, at least.. when you're trying, is the best feeling ever!!!! Harry and I took so many photos and videos (far too personal to share, (See slide four to see me on the verge of screaming and crying over the fact that I'm pregnant lol) you see me cry enough as it is lol) and we sat on the bathroom floor in pure happiness and disbelief. (and a lot of concern on my end..) I couldn't stop looking at my stomach and bubbling nonsense to Harry as we began our true first steps into parenthood. (I'll eventually talk about our journey, but if you're new, it hasn't been an easy one💝) As we watched my stomach grow, we couldn't stop touching it! The idea of feeling a kick, or a flutter... or even just the thought of a baby inside of me; pure happiness. (Pst, Harry sleeps with his hand on my belly and it's my new favorite thing ever!!!! It's so cute!!!) For those wondering, Morning sickness is brutal. I'm already losing sleep, vomiting my guts even in the middle of the night and much to my dismay, awakening Harry every time I scurry to the bathroom. (If Harry looks extra tired on camera, I apologize! - he'll tell me off for this, shh!) Tiredness is unreal. I mean, I figured growing a human would be hard, but I'm convinced I'm asleep more than I am awake. I wake up, vomit, eat some crackers take my meds, sleep repeat. Ultrasounds are the craziest experience ever!! Harry and I lost our minds and Harry's soft smile when we saw the screen is burned in my brain forever. He's honestly already such a good husband but I know he's going to be an even better father! I honestly can't wait!! @harrystyles I love you so much! Thank you for making me a mumma <3

annetwist: Congrats! I'm excited to finally talk about it!

yourbff: I can't believe you didn't tell me for 3 weeks smh ↳ ynstyles: It was unbearable for me too!

comments on this post have been limited

~

"Love, staring at it won't make the line appear quicker" Harry tried to ease, his hand on my back as my eyes laser locked on the pregnancy test.

"The line has to show at some point!"

Harry snatched the test off the counter, my mouth a gape, ready to throw protest when he grabbed my hand and led me to sit down on the cold tile with him.

"Harry! Give me the test!" I whined, my tear ducts filling as the past couple months of worry begun to spill over.

"Y/N, babe, just sit down with me. We're dong this together, alright?"

I reluctantly sat next to him, Harry setting the test on his thigh, his right hand clasping my left as we stared down at it.

"What if it's just one line?" I asked softly, my biggest fear being vocalized once again.

"Then we'll try again" He repeated instantly, a singular tear rolling down my cheek.

"Harry, it's our sixth round in three years" I cried, my eyes squeezing shut as the emotion left glistening trails down my cheeks.

"Y/N, we don't have to do it again" He told me calmly his thumb rubbing against my knuckles, something he did frequently to quietly soothe me.

"You already know how I feel about adoption" I whimpered, guilt encasing my chest as I slowly opened my eyes, my blurred vision attempting to peak at the test.

"I know" He replied, not offering much else as he starred at the test.

"I'm a horrible person" I begin to cry again, taking my hand out of his as I covered my face.

"You're not a horrible person, y/n"

"What woman doesn't want to adopt, Harry?! We could! We could have already had a family! What kind of person is afraid too adopt?!"

"A person whose thought about every avenue. Y/N, it's perfectly normal to want what you want. Can you open your eyes please when I talk to you?" He asked, His green eyes were full of hope, my throat tightening as I glanced away. "Y/N" Harry warned, getting me to look back at him. "I know you're afraid of everything that comes with adoption, and if it's a huge fear of yours, whether it's that you won't love them the same, or they won't love you, or all of the separation issues you've read about.. it's just a different journey that we'd take together. We'd figure it out. You're not the first person to be nervous to adopt if that's a path we need to consider. However we start our family, is how we start our family. I know having a biological baby means a lot to you, but if that's not where life takes us, I think we both need to prepare ourselves to come to terms with that" He told me honestly, my lips pursed as I nodded.

It was true.

As horrific as it made me feel, I was afraid that if I adopted, I wouldn't love that child the same way I would my own. Maybe it was silly.. but my dream was to always have a baby of my own, and now that it's became an entire ordeal including medical professionals and obsessive calendar counting, I knew I needed to let my brain dance with the idea again... but could I really do that to a child? Bring them into this loving home.. and not love them the way they deserved? Would I ever view that baby as my own? Or would it feel more like a godparent babysitting situation?

IVF has been a rough path that Harry and I have walked down. One we didn't take lightly, and one we definitely probably over researched before even attempting such feat.. but with all the cons.. there were the pros.

So we tried, and we tried, an we tried.... and we gave up. Adoption maybe? Foster care? Surrogacy? Egg donors? There was a million routes.. but none of them felt like my dream. I wanted to have sex one night and wake up pregnant the next morning with my husbands child, and I struggle a lot with the fact that that isn't how it's happening.

It would be so easier if I could blame Harry, and his annoying sperm.. but the reality is, Harry is perfectly capiable impregnating someone.

I'm the problem.

Learning that you're supposed sole duty of a period every month wasn't even worth it... definitely landed me in some pretty intense therpary.

There has been more dark days than light for both Harry and I.

I'd be lying if I said divorce had never crossed our minds.

Things got bad, before they got good again and now here I sat next to him, wedding band on my finger as tears streamed down my cheeks, ready to be once again disappointed by my body.

"Can we just see what this test says and go from there, please?" I asked quietly, Harry nodding. "Can you look? My eyes are blurry"

I did my best to clear my vision when I heard the inhale of Harry's sharp breathing.

"What?" I asked, panic making my body tense. "What?!"

"It's two lines! Y/N! You're pregnant!" He practically yelled, my entire body stilling.

"What?"

"YOU'RE PREGNANT!" He yelled, scurrying off the floor, helping me up and yanking me into a hug and a kiss.

"Oh my god" I exhaled, my vison thankfully clearing as I snatched the test, seeing the two pink lines for myself.

"That has to be fake" was my immediate reaction as I held the test up to the light, the pink line darkening right in front of me. "Where is the clearblue one?" I asked Harry, Harry's arms wrapping around me, his palms resting against my stomach as I pulled open one of the drawers, finding my stash of pregnancy tests.

The drawer was probably my most opened drawer in the entire household; which meant it was also my most hated.

All it held was dreams and disappointment.

"Can you grab me a few water bottles, please?" I asked, setting the test aside as I opened one of the more expensive pregnancy test boxes.

"Baby, it's so dark" Harry showed me, crease lines between his brow as his dimples pops from the smile he had.

"I know, I know.. I just.. want to be sure. I need to pee again! Water, please!"

Three water bottles later, I found myself peeing on yet another stick and plopping the capped test onto toilets paper on our counter.

I hated waiting.

"Babe, are you going to look?" Harry asked, a goofy smile still on his face as he leaned against the door frame.

"What if the test was wrong?" I asked again eyeing the drugstore pregnancy test next to Harry.

"Baby, they're supposed to be one of the most accurate tests"

"But false positives are a thing!" I shouted, shaking my hands as I paced the space between the toilet and the bathtub.

"Y/N" Harry sighed, "I know you're worried, and we can make a doctors appointment to verify.. but baby, I think this is it. I think we've done it"

I hesitantly walked up to the counter, my eyes locked on my mess of a reflection in front of me before slowly finding the test.

"Oh my god" I exhaled, the bold "pregnant" staring back at me. "Harry!" I quickly showed the test, a smile starting to form at my lips as my eyes welled up with tears again, "I.. we're... oh my god!" I shrieked, jumping a little as I waved the test next to me.

I quickly pulled out my phone, the video shaky as ran over to Harry, kissing him before showing the test to the camera.

"We're pregnant!" I yelled out, Harry grinning as he leaned down to kiss me again, the video stopping and I turned to the camera, Harry snatching the drugstore test, both of us holding up the tests as we took countless photos before posting in the mirror, taking all sorts of different angles of my belly.

I can't believe we're pregnant.

"I told you you weren't fat" he chuckled as we inspected my bloated stomach.

"I'm fat with your baby!" I laughed, my hand running over the puffy skin. "God, I'm going to get more stretchmarks"

"Good thing you married a man who happens to love them" He pecked my cheek, his hands on my hips.

"We need to make a doctors appointment pronto and make sure these tests are correct" I informed, setting the plastic test on the counter.

"Baby..."

"I know, I know! I just.. I want to be sure, okay?"

"I know. I love you no matter what, but I really think this time.. this time is it"

🍼

Hello! I've had this idea for a while, and I thought it would be fun to make kind of an open ending series? Meaning we can work on this for as long as we want! From finding out, to their birth, and just watching them grow up! If you have any requests, feel free to ask! I don't plan on posting them in order (like birth, growing up etc), but I will have them posted in (hopefully) chronological order in the masterlist!

Feel free to leave requests in the comments or on my ask via my profile!

If you have any baby names, let me know! I have the sex's picked out, but not the names!

I wanted to make this longer, but Tumblr has a 10 photo limit so...

I'm hoping as I get into it, I can write the blurbs better, just with their storyline, it was a bit hard to make it very happy and fluffy lol.

Welcome to my Quadruplet series! (I might post it on wattpad, I'll update the masterlist with a link if it is!!)

pst. my little circles won't stay where I want them to, if you know how to fix that lmk, otherwise we can both be annoyed together!

-Brit <3

[fatuismooches]

greetings!!! this is the first time i've ever shared my idea to anyone, kind of worry but guess that i have to share it with you because your writings are so good and i love how you execute scenarios and ideas (literally awake all night scrolling through your brainrot 😭😭😭😭)

let me tell you that fragile!reader and dottore is what keeps me awake at night i love them so much, i literally read everything in the tags, the fluff and angst is SOO GOOD NGL.

so, angst/ no comfort (because i love tormenting myself (⁠◠⁠‿⁠・⁠)⁠—⁠☆), fragile!reader and terminal lucidity - somebody suddenly became lively and conscious before their deaths. i see that you have written about fragile!reader whose memories are slowly deteriorating or slowly losing their eyesight. imagine one day, everything just come back...normal, the sudden recollection of memories, vision returned miraculously, no pain, no suffering, as if they were back to the days at Akademiya. they became gleeful, happy, full of live, no longer the gloomy, sick-ridden individual.

Dottore, of course, was surprised at this phenomenal, run more tests and check-ups just to be sure that we are actually healthy because there is no way we actually turn healthy after being sick in centuries. the segments however, especially Zandy, didn't think much about the whole ordeal. you are fine!! you can finally walking and running freely without being on life-support. your turn in health manage to turned them into a bunch of joyful, blue-haired maniacs with giddy, happy smiles on their lips.

we are fine for a few weeks, which also make Dottore himself believe that maybe, maybe his efforts have paid off, maybe our health have been stable, and maybe from now on, he could spend the rest of eternity with his beloved.

then we die (this is so mean i'm so sorry 😭😭😭😭😭). how they perish is completely up you but i'd preferably that they die in their sleep, a peaceful death. Dottore and the segments are... well, shocked is an understatement, their whole world have...gone, they'd question themself: how can this happen? you were fine in the past few weeks? In which Dottore blame himself the most, he shouldn't have believed that we were fine, he should have run more test, he should have been more cautious about the whole situation but now he completely felt... helpless, for the first time in millions of years. the only person who went thick and thin, the person that can tolerate him in the Akademiya days and the person that he can tolerate now have passed away.

(the ending is kind if short because idk what else to say since my vocabulary and grammar is rather limited. i hope this would be sufficient 😭😭😭😭😭 also looking forward on how you react to this. for now i'll just cry myself to sleep with this scenario while waiting for your work ❤️🥰)

- 🪷

It would come out of nowhere, no one expected it, no one believed it in the beginning. After all, over four hundred years of debilitating illness makes it hard for anyone to believe something good finally happened. But it does, when you first wake up you can feel that something is different - you definitely do some test runs in your room, picking up objects that were once too heavy for you, simple actions that no longer left you tired, no more aches or pains, it was marvelous. So obviously with your newfound energy, you sprint out to find anyone, hell even a random agent would do, because you're finally free. (You can already hear the voices of the segments - no running in the lab because of the very obvious dangers.)

Naturally, Dottore is very skeptical of this, yes, he does not trust how his heart beats at the sight of your glowing self putting on a little performance for him to show how healthy you are now, he can't bring himself to. He's witnessed how low you could become from the worst stages of your sickness, so although he's more than happy to see you well, the possibility of you falling back into such a state is very high. However he cannot find anything, and you don't show any visible signs either. Even so, he still watches you very closely. It's a feeling that always nags, one that may always nag him perhaps, the thought of you becoming worse. But he's not going to damper your mood with his thoughts, you should enjoy this.

Dottore and the segments would still scold you for your recklessness but realize that you are no longer sick and frail and they no longer have to fuss over your health. It's a very strange sensation that's hard to break out of since they've been doing it for so long. But it's good! You're happy! You're strong! You're the [Name] that was buried away, come to rise to the surface once more. Let's just say Zandy very much enjoys the piggyback rides. The checkups still persist as a general measure, but they always go smoothly. It seems there's nothing to worry about.

You would want to assume your role of his assistant once again right away - it's something you've been longing for, to be able to be useful to your lover just like how you once were. To live those days of banter and sharing fascinating knowledge and listening to each other's ideas once more. And so you do, Dottore's more than happy to let you, oh how he's missed you by his side so often. He's excited, he's ready to put the past four hundred years behind and move on, his mind already racing with the countless possibilities that have opened up now. Unfortunately, they don't come to fruition.

Perhaps you felt something wasn't right but it was already far too late - on the day of your death you acted like everything was normal, carrying out your new duties, but also with a lot of added affection, visiting each segment and Dottore and kissing them with all your love. They don't think much of it, you're usually affectionate like that. If only they knew that would be the last time they were embraced by you. Little Zandy too - it would be the last time you ever hugged him and listened to you read him a story. He'd be absolutely inconsolable after your death.

With you gone, the spark in his life would be gone. It would be the same routine of his duties and experiments and research, with nothing to ease his tension. Sure, he no longer has to spend lots of time finding a cure or producing medicine, but this wasn't the way he wanted it to happen. It's the same as when you were sleeping, except this time he no longer has the anticipation of you eventually waking up. Or does he?

Resurrection is a forbidden art, but he is Il Dottore, the one who has no problem sinking his hands into what should not be done, and he is Zandik, the one who loves you. If this world wants you gone so badly, then so be it. He will simply reach for your hand and pull you back to him every time, because even if it is lifeless, he will make sure it's warm once again.

[freshlyrage]

Running Like Water

Chapter 25

pairing: Javier Peña x OFC (written as xReader)

fic warnings: NSFW Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI) language, strained family relationships, mentions of drug abuse, discussions of insecurities and body image issues, daddy and mommy issues

fic tags: Best friends younger sister, Life-long crush, Friends to lovers, Unrequited love, slow burn, Push and Pull, Small Town Dynamics, Secret Relationships, latina MC, Fluff and Angst, OFC!Jessica Alba face claim, sorry Lorraine I'm bringing you into this, Time jumps, 2 year age gap, pre-canon

word count: 3.5k

IMPORTANT a/n: I am really sorry, you can start the Mari witch hunt now. Chapter 26 is in the editing stage... message me questions. I've had this exact chapter drafted for about a year. I want to hear your thoughts while we enter the third part of this story.

January 1988 Bogota, Colombia

“You do understand that this is a traumatic event?”

Javier ashes his cigarette with a head shake. His bones are aching and tired and he feels old. Like he’s ready to retire at the peak of twenty six. It’s always warm, it’s humid like the day of his false wedding. No one knows his pain but he’s willing to share it. We need therapy, you told him once.

Look at me, I’m trying. 

He doesn’t take the words of his work appointed therapist very seriously but it’s taken him twelve sessions to finally talk about it. The first words other than good afternoon out of Dr. Hertz mouth already frustrates him. It frustrates him more how attracted he is to her. He swears her exact hair color is yours when he left. She sits with a pencil skirt like all the women around the office do. Besides his boss, she’s always in a pantsuit. Skin tan from the Colombian sun, nails always done in a square tip—scribbling in a notebook. That wasn’t like you, the nails. It was rare if you ever had them done, he’d like running his thumb over your nail beds, an odd spot that tickled you. He missed you so badly. 

“The situation hurt her the most.” 

Dr. Hertz fixed herself a frown and a nod, pen to paper a dry sound that ticked him off. “Take it from the top for me please.” 

The night of June 16th 1986

Javier decides to grab his thick work file before  he drives to the hotel he wanted to share with you. Sitting in a chair that has housed many sad men like him, he frowns over the case details of pregnant drug smugglers' corpses and child detainments for gun possession. Ashing into a tray that isn’t his. 

His head hurts and so does his hand, it’s nerves are short circuiting while he holds himself from calling you. He doesn’t want to think about tonight at all. He doesn’t want to continue to be haunted by Lorraine and the swell at her stomach. Avoiding the thought—that it could be—he abandons it. Instead he buries his nose in cigarette smoke and work for the night, he much rather be buried in the crook of your neck. Inside you, beside you, looking at you, holding you, speaking to you– he just wants you here. He hates to waste time and he isn’t sure why he feels a sick instinct that you maybe have less time then he believes. 

He decides to call after his 3rd cigarette. It’s a long shot considering it’s 3 am but he has never been good with self control. He pictures your face as you sleep, he’s watched it despite your pleas to fall asleep alongside you, he likes to watch before he does. You always sleep on your stomach, hands on either side of you like you were tossed in bed, one on his chest and a cheek smushed. You drool, he won’t tell you that but you do. He’s frowning while he dials, you hadn’t told him you loved him back tonight, he wonders what he did wrong. Or if it really just Lorraine. 

“Hello?” Your voice is dry and very much awake. 

“Andrea.” Is all he can itch out his throat, he isn’t even sure why he called you. Maybe just to hear your voice, that's reason enough right? 

“It’s late, baby.”

He thinks maybe he could just hang up now, whatever urge he felt all night had been fulfilled with three simple words in your sweet voice. He closes his eyes fighting an urge to drive back forty minutes to your house. 

“Yeah-yeah I know. Just want to hear you before I sleep.” 

“Well, you're hearing me. I love you.”

He nods, he knows. It’s his religion, those words leaving you.  “Will I be able to see you tomorrow?” 

You hold silence for a beat, an exhale beyond the receiver. “Yes, I want to sleep in your bed this time.”

“Okay.” He says pathetically quick, nodding like you could see just how serious he is about spending time with you. You giggle, and he wonders what changed in the last few hours since he left you in the aftermath of your brother's wedding. Maybe you just missed him too. 

“Okay. Goodnight, I’ll see you tomorrow okay?”

He can't help himself, he just can't. 

He says it like a whisper, like it's a secret. 

“¿Sabes que te amo, verdad?”

“I know, I just–" You take a second, like you know what you're going to say will hurt him. He can't tell if you're bracing yourself or giving him time do so as well.

"Sometimes I just miss you when you're around and it's tiring to feel like I’m still fighting to keep you."

Colombia 1988

“I couldn't understand that. When we were together each moment felt like she was slipping away from me. I just didn’t know she could feel the same way. I was a present partner.” He sighs, an itch in his molars. A weird tick he gets when he wants to see your face. “I tried to be.”

Dr. Hertz pressed her lips in a firm smile, “It may seem difficult to assess a situation you are so tied to, do you suppose maybe Andrea felt this way because your relationship was on borrowed time?”

“It wasn’t on borrowed time.”

“Maybe borrowed time isn't the correct phrase, but you began the relationship fully aware that you would leave. Correct?”

“Yes.”

“Wouldn’t you agree that-that idea could’ve struck a nerve in the insecurities you said she had in relationships.”

“Is this a therapy session for her or for me?” Javier snaps and he isn’t sure why he takes it there, isn’t sure why he says her name so bitterly like you did anything wrong. Dr. Hertz nods, and scribbles with a crease between her brow. 

“I have never met Andrea, you are my patient. I want to help you recognize a place we could work together to improve.” 

“Alright.” He rolls his jaw for a moment feeling like a scolded child. His eyes flick to the clock. Another half hour left, he wants to head back into his apartment where it’s safe. 

“Alright, was it the next morning that you met with Lorraine?” 

Javier’s nostrils flare, thinking of her makes him feel physically ill. She says her name and sees your face when he tells you. 

“I didn’t meet up with her, I was ambushed.” He shuts his eyes for a moment, the weight of the word feeling useless in this setting. He knows what the word truly means, ambushed, he stood in front of Carillo’s closed casket days after the ambush. “I was caught off guard.” Javier decides to correct himself.

The next morning, June 17th 1986

There is another car in his driveway. A car unfamiliar to him. The sun blares down and he’s already sun tired and he just woke two hours ago. He decides to light a cigarette before stepping up to his front door, still his father holds a no smoking policy in the house. 

He shuts his eyes, eyelids burning orange and he drags in his first breath since last night. He wonders if you’d be free for a drive to the lake. You played into his biggest fantasy a few days ago in your tiny bikini, nose nuzzled in your mound. He’d like to do it again. 

He could hear the main road 3 minutes down the hill, that and the crackling from his burning cigarette. He flicks his wrist to check the time, strange for his father to have guests at any time of day. Javier shrugged it off with a step on the cigarette butt. He’s been burning through them lately, smoking one for only two minutes. He supposes his habit is now an addiction, he’s good at it at least. 

Javier walks up the small steps to his front door to be greeted by his father with a frown. His eyes scan over his father’s body, blocking any view of the inside of the house. His body on autopilot, he hands the car keys to his father like he does every time he comes home. But the air was still and this wasn’t like every time he came home. Javier’s heart dropped to his stomach, a fear that something happened to you. “¿Qué pasó? ¿Quién está aquí?"

“Lorraine and her parents are here.” 

Javier shuts his eyes and takes a step back into the porch. Allowing his father to follow him, shutting the screen door behind them. Javier pinches his nose. 

“I’m not interested in talking to them. Fuck this.” Javier pats his pockets for the keys he had just given away without thinking.

“You can’t leave this time.”

Javier walks into his home. Feeling like he’s attending a principals conference. His pastor–the father of his ex-girlfriend, her mother and her sat on the couch with solemn faces. Javier nods at both parents, adjusting his collar bundled with nerves. Despite feeling betrayed by his own father, he still will never disrespect guests in the home he built. Javier offers his hand to Mr. Smithfield to which he takes because ultimately he is a christian. He presses a kiss to the cheeks of Mrs. Smithfield and Lorraine. It reminds him of the first time he had dinner at their home. He knew the family his whole life because of church but being introduced as their darling girl's boyfriend was one of the most anxiety inducing moments of his adolescence. He remembers them with the same stone cold faces, ready to devour him whole if he had stepped out of line. 

He knew them as powerful people, he knew if he had wronged their daughter he would no longer have any work in town. 

So, Javier was quite the wreck.

“Sorry If i kept you all waiting— I was caught off guard.” Javi sits across from them, all scary looking with intense sad stares. 

Mr. Smithfield nods, “We knew you wouldn’t have shown if you were given a warning.” 

His initial reaction is to rebut, to jump to his feet and tell them they hadn’t had a clue of who he was. It feels like a body shot. Javier hadn’t grown into a full man yet. The comment still triggered the nerve that sends him off on anger infused raves. He thinks of you, and the face you’d make if he did. He realizes that this moment is one he shouldn’t run from, maybe this will be the moment to prove himself to be a better man. For you. It’s wrong but it’s what he thinks. 

If he stays here and listens to whatever berating this family has for him, maybe, just maybe, you’ll be proud of him for hearing them out. 

So Javier clenches his jaw and allows Mr. Smithfield to speak. “We as parents are concerned for our daughter. Javier— you know we trusted you with her and we see clearly that you took care of her. But—you bolted in her most vulnerable moment.”

Javier furrows his brows, looking into the eyes of Lorraine.

 She seems to have been in another room, on another planet. Her icy eyes, the ones he once gazed into with adoration— served him nothing but coldness. He wanted to snap in her face and ask if she was there. Was this a bad dream? He looks to his father once more. Chucho stands at the arm of the couch with his arms crossed. Javier never felt this weak. 

Look at me

At least look at me Lorraine.

He assumes this silence as an olive branch for his explanation. 

He’s unsure of what he needs to explain but he does anyway. 

“Mr… and Mrs.” Javier looks at the both of them, god what scary looking people. “I care for Lorraine, for a long time I loved her but we were too young and too serious. We fell out of love just as fast and— and we stayed together out of convenience for our careers but there were weeks where we didn’t speak to each other. We didn’t have the time or the will to work on it.” 

It was the truth. Last year they reached a point where she’d come in without a word, dropping groceries on the counter, ripping off her scrubs, getting into bed and locking the door. A sign that tonight, Javier must sleep on the couch. He stared at the bubbled ceiling, with his bones aching from his oversized limbs making space in the futon. He stared until his eyes burned and wondered what he was doing with his life just at the ripe age of twenty three. 

Mrs. Smithfield looks like she’s seen red, like, how dare you not love my daughter? Javier is sure if she’d said those words out loud he’d laugh and send them all to hell. But she doesn’t. 

She does not. 

Her chin quivers and her nose twitches. Teeth barred like she’s about to let out a profanity but instead, she begins to cry. 

“But you have time to get my daughter pregnant.”

Colombia 1988

Javier laughs bitterly. As if the sentence didn’t ruin his life. Here he is whining about it to his beautiful therapist. She frowns, shaking her head. Javier wants the session to end already. 

“It was like I died in that living room. The dreams I was just creating stayed there. I was in so much shock I hadn’t even second guessed the accusation.”

She nods with that understanding face of hers, it reminds him a bit of yours.

“It may be important to understand the rest of your story, it may be important to know exactly what you felt after she revealed the news.”

Javier is bothered by the way the doctor says news as if any of it had been truthful. 

Javier lights another, Dr. Hertz scribbles a short one. Javier flicks his eyes up to hers as his cigarette burns. 

“You keepin’ tally?” He asks with a hint of sarcasm.

She doesn’t smile, “Yes. I am. Please continue.”

Javier stares at her for a moment and it reminds him so much of you it makes him sick. He can’t help but obey. 

“Truthfully, I first felt like I regressed. I had been cruising through my life until that moment, losing track of time. I thought… how? I’m just a kid? I felt like I was ten and my dad was sitting me on that same couch to tell me my mom ran off. I was in that same head space. Both times I felt like I was being punished for my actions, both times I felt like an open wound, ”

“You felt like both situations had been karma?”

“Yes. I felt like a human wedge between my father and my mother. My existence had been a bad mark and when she left it was a final message of “look what you’ve done.” Javier’s throat is scratchy and he wishes these things were said to you first but he supposes a professional listener will do. “And I grew up to be so selfish and reckless, reckless with my relationships and with sex. And so abruptly I decided to leave that all behind for Andrea, I started to be safe, caring, a better man. But there I was facing the consequences of my own actions. Look what I have done.”

Look at the mess I made.

Will you still love me? After I have made a mess of all we found sacred? 

She nods with a look in her eyes that feels bright, like she was so proud of him for such an articulate and honest answer. He wasn’t sure why today he was being so honest. 

“Anyway. I was stumbling over my words asking how she knew— which felt like a shitty question to ask in front of her parents but considering the outcome I guess I was onto something.” Javier pulls his cigarette from his lips with a pulled brow, he’s burning through these far too quickly, he’ll be broke in no time. “She told me she was 5 months which tied me back to being her only sexual partner the entire year of 1985 and some of 1986 you know until I moved away. I just went cold while her family ranted.”

He hears them in his head when he looks at Dr. Hertz. He spares her the details, their time is inching towards the finish line. 

“We talked with your father and we know you’re a good young man. We know our daughter was tempted.”

“I don’t see you as a man to abandon his child.”

“Our daughter will not have this child out of wedlock.”

“We are willing to make arrangements swiftly to stifle the talk in our church.”

He sat with his head in his hands.  Ears ringing and he felt so fucking guilty for having such a reaction to his own consequences. For being so broken when he wasn’t the person carrying the child, for the woman across from him. 

And he knows her family well, he knows that their faith and christianity only stretches so far. He knows about Lorraine’s eldest brother who came out as gay and is no longer seen in Laredo. He knows Lorraine despite their fall out, he knows the stress of image that was placed on her at just six years old. He knows, he held her head as she cried while she spoke about their conditional love. It scares him deep in his soul, he knows and it breaks him. That he’d not only ruin her life but his future child’s life if he doesn’t man up.  He knows that the delicate bones in her body move aside for life, a life he had part in creating. He could not–he cannot add to the stress. He sees it in her gaze.

“I know now I was seeing guilt in her eyes. She knew the child wasn’t mine, she took advantage of me. But at the time I saw a girl I had loved, I saw her alone in a room full of people.” Javier leans against the chair. “I was a fucking idiot.”

“You were trying your best.” Dr. Hertz corrects him, “You were deceived, you were young. When you speak of Lorraine you still have room for grace and understanding of her circumstance despite her manipulating you and still, still you give her that grace to be a flawed human . You should apply that to yourself too. “

Javier looks down at his shoes for a moment. His brows pulled tightly together. His chin quivers and he isn’t sure why he feels her words with such intensity. Two weeks ago Javier told Dr. Hertz that the first time he considered therapy was when his ex-girlfriend burst into tears after sex. It was that session she finally pushed to know who Andrea was, Javier spent the bulk of the session smiling. Hertz had been smiling too, last week Javier had been frowning again. He told her about Louisiana. He had beaten himself up repeatedly for the insecurity he placed in your heart, Dr. Hertz hadn’t agreed. She quite unprofessionally called him, an idiot, for being so unkind to himself. “It seems like you were a great person for her, not everyone gets the chance to truly understand their lover.” Javier disagreed, he explained the wedding and how he hadn't felt so detached from you until that moment in the yard.

“That was the last time we were really together as a couple. “

We never really got the chance to be a couple, huh.

Hertz nods, and Javier drops the pregnancy scandal on her like a small footnote in his story. 

ThenwesplitbecausemyexmanipulatedmeintobelievingIwasthefatherofherunbornchild. 

In one fast jumbled mess between cigarette pulls. Dr. Hertz had thrown her hands in the air, earning him a Javier…

Today he tells his story and it hurts bone deep. Today he couldn't escape the trauma he kept in the corner of his mind during the lonely years in Colombia. Javier pulls himself together, pushing his agony aside to lift his chin. Checking the clock. Five minutes. 

“I knew I would have to-I knew I hadn't had a choice. I knew some sort of modern couple co-parenting with step-parents would never fly. They’d send Lorraine and my baby off somewhere I would never find them. I mean, maybe it's different here in Colombia but I’m talking about bible belt American socialites, it was already a travesty to them that a hispanic man got their baby pregnant. I also knew my father would never speak to me again, he gave up everything to be my father. He lost his own wife while he tried to be the best for me, I knew this wouldn't kill her. I knew I wasn't right for her in any way. I caused so much mess in Andrea’s life, this was the only way to leave swiftly and make her hate me. It would be easier that way, if none of this happened she’d be home in Laredo burning for me. I already wasted too much of her life with my antics.” Fuck it, Javier’s cheeks were wet. He had been crying the second he opened his mouth. Rushing to say his peace until next week. 

He knows todays your birthday, but he wanted to keep something for himself. He wants to suffer that alone.

“It would hurt her but it wouldn't kill her. They knew I’d go away to Colombia anyway but at least she’ll be wed. I was set to be married two weeks later.”

[neptune-lover]

Pregnant? Pt 2

hi guys welcome back this is part two to my pregnant series I'm working on a few ideas rn they are just in the starting phase but hopefully I can get those out and start a master list if the stories I plan to do anyways I hope you guys enjoy

Tag list @moxkindagirl

Tw: talks of pregnancy, mentions of death and miscarriage, mentions of vomit/throwing up and mentions of sex(this is through out the entire story btw and this will be multiple parts)

It was now 10 am both Y/n and Rhea never went back to sleep. Everyone was now awake in the house. Dominik decided to make strawberries and cream crepes as it's y/n's favorite breakfast to eat. She didn't feel sick the rest of the morning and because of it being smackdown tonight and it just so happened to be in the city where the couples home was they didn't have to travel far today which made Y/n very happy. All 5 of them were members of Judgement day but the group already knew Y/n wasn't scheduled to be on the show tonight so she called Hunter (triple H for those who don't know) and let him know she wouldn't be in the building as she didn't feel good. The others however all had either fights or promos to do so Rhea took the lead and called in reinforcement. Who was the reinforcement you may ask well it was three of Y/n's best friends in wwe who they knew weren't scheduled to be on tonight. They were Becky, Seth and Liv. All people who either helped train her or had been by her side dating back to her NTX days especially Becky and Liv they were her best friends and Seth decided to come with Becky to come help cheer Y/n up. "So how exactly did you feel last nigh" Liv asked curious as she had a cousin who was a nurse so she knew a bit about health and medical stuff. "Well it was kinda just out of the blue I woke up and felt super sick and like throwing up" Y/n said "Ok well have you felt like that at all the rest of the day" Becky now asked as the wheels in her brain started turning. Y/n replied "Nope I've actually felt fine the rest of the day just a but restless and sleep and haven't been tired since I woke up" "ok and remind me what time this was again" Seth now said now believing he was thinking the same as his wife. "Ok I get you guys are trying to help but what's with all the questions" Y/n asked slightly agitated now with all the questions. Becky replied "Well what's your description sounds like morning sickness which is common in pregnancy" "That's exactly what I was starting to think" Liv and Seth said at the same time. Seth chimed in again "I remember Becky struggled with that a decent amount when she was pregnant with Roux"." Wait so you guys think I'm pregnant " Y/n said in a shocked tone "Well I'm not saying you 100% are but it's possible especially if you guys have been having unprotected sex especially recently" Becky explained. Silence filled the room Liv was the one to break it "Do you have any tests here or do you need to buy one or two" "Two would be more ideal because it's better to do two than one I remember my first test was negative then I took another it was positive I went to the doctors later that day and turns out I was pregnant" Becky said. "I can go drive to a store real quick and pick up a two pack if you don't have any" Seth offered. "Well this was never expected this early so we don't have any so if you wouldn't mind running to grab some I would appreciate it" Y/n said in a hushed tone. "Ya I'll go run right now" and with that Seth left the three girls alone while he went to go buy some pregnant tests.

That's all for part 2 I hope you guys enjoyed and part 3 will be out soon beyyyy

[alreadyjackbestfriend]

request: jack is exhausted and getting sick so the reader basically forces him to postpone the rest of the tour

"i don't want to disappoint them"

A/N: thank you for you request <3

warnings: angst

You were worried, more than worried, if you were honest with yourself. Every time Jack had gone onstage for the past two weeks, you'd clung to the bar that separated the stage from the backstage, watching to see if he was okay, if he drank water from time to time, that hopefully, hopefully, he wouldn't break down or fainted.

Jack had been overexploiting himself, adding dates in between his days off because arenas sold out fast, doing interviews in the mornings, rehearsing all afternoon, then moving on to soundchecks, the concert itself, and then showering and falling asleep in the bed to repeat the same thing the next day.

You could see the exhaustion in his eyes, not even the adrenaline of the moment was enough to keep him energetic. His steps were slow, his movements were limp, and his interaction with the audience, something Jack adored so much, was now kept to a minimum.

Once the concert was over you could breathe a little more calm, but once Jack got out of the shower and fell next to you on the bed, you felt it was time to talk seriously.

"Jack, can I talk to you for a moment?"

"hmm?" he replied, with half of his face buried in the pillow.

"I know you're very tired, and I don't want to keep you awake much longer, so that's why I need you to pay attention to me"

“ ‘kay” he said, like a little child, sitting on the bed and you smiled for a moment.

“I have been with you throughout this tour, and I have seen the satisfaction and happiness you feel when go on stage every night, but I have also realized how everything has changed in the last few weeks, you don't even have time to sleep eight hours, you are working all day, and you do concerts with what little energy you have left. the last two weeks I've watched your shows hoping you don't pass out, and I know you know I'm not exaggerating, I think you've even lost weight, Jack, you’ve been feeding on energy drinks and coffee... you don't even like coffee” you said the last part trying to prove your point. Jack frowned at you.

"what are you trying to tell me, y/n?"

"I think…" you started, a little apprehensive, "I think you should put the tour on pause"

"You're kidding, right?"

"No"

"You can't be suggesting this, you know there are contracts and most importantly, I can't disappoint my fans" he said, getting up abruptly from the bed.

"I know jack, but they would understand… they would understand that you should put your health first"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore, y/n, I hope this is the last time you bring it up" he replied, entering the bathroom with a slam.

Your eyes filled with tears, you knew how professional Jack was and how committed he was to his career, but you couldn't believe he was in such denial.

you opted to simply fall asleep, turning your back to his side of the bed. In addition to being worried, now you were furious, you couldn't understand why he would get mad at you for worrying about him. you were tired too, so you fell asleep without much trouble, even with your heart heavy with anguish.

***

The next morning you woke up alone, and you snorted, you weren’t surprised at all. The truth is you didn't even want to see Jack, you were still mad.

You knew there was no trip today, because it was the second date in the same city, so you could stay all day in your hotel room. you chose to shower and put on something fresh, order room service and stay in bed watching series.

But at about 5 p.m., you got a call from Urban.

"hey" he said first

"Hey, what's up?" Urban only called you when something happened involving Jack, and if it was urgent. otherwise, he would send you a message.

"I don't want to scare you, they are already taking care of him..."

"Urban" you said his name as a warning.

"Jack had a drop in blood pressure, we had to bring him to the hospital, but he's fine, it was just a scare"

"oh my god"

"y/n, don't panic, please, he's fine now, just come to the hospital, there's a driver outside the hotel waiting for you"

**

In less than 5 minutes you were taking the car outside the hotel, and in the 15 minutes of travel your leg did not stop moving due to anxiety. After asking in the information desk where you could find him, you ran through the corridors, although you waited to calm your breathing before entering the room.

Jack was sitting on a stretcher, an IV in his arm, while Neelam and Urban sat in chairs across from him. The nurse gave you a small smile before leaving. You looked at Jack, and he looked back at you with guilty eyes.

"You don't have to say it" he said almost snorting.

"Jack," you said, frustrated, your throat tightening, "do you think I ran all the way here to look at you and say 'I told you so'"?

he was silent for a few moments, "sorry"

At that instant, you looked at neelam, as if she could read your mind, she started to speak.

"It was a drop in blood pressure due to stress, lack of sleep and dehydration, but it's nothing serious, the intravenous is serum and the doctor's recommendation is, basically, rest"

you nodded, "thank you"

"let's give them a moment alone" she said afterward, looking at urban

"Yeah! Sure" he got the hint quickly and they both left the room.

“I’m sorry” jack repeated after a few moments, you didn’t know what to say, "The doctor said that the irritability was also a consequence of stress and lack of sleep. besides, I'm angry with myself for not being able to handle all the obligations that I have" he said, and you saw how his eyes turned teary, " I brought all this out on you last night and now, and I'm sorry... I'm just..."

"I know" you said, approaching him, and hugging him. your hands caressing his hair.

"my fans, I don't want to disappoint them"

"you won't, they love you and they will understand"

he hugged you tighter and then pulled his face out of your chest to look at you, "thank you" he said, his cheeks wet, "for being the first to love me, and understanding me"

"always"

[natasha-in-space]

Hello there! This is my first time coming into your inbox and I want to say how much your writing inspire me and makes me feel so safe especially the ones with Saeran in it.

If it's not too much to ask for, can I request a comfort fic with GE Saeran? Lately I've been struggling with my abandonment issues. It's telling me that people around me will soon get tired of me and leave me behind once they saw how miserable I am in the head.

It doesn't help the fact that I've seen several people that I deemed close to me were beginning to do things without asking or including me. I feel like I'm so easy to replace and forgotten... or maybe it's because I'm the one who's been struggling with this kind of thinking.

I know Saeran wouldn't judge me for this but sometimes I couldn't help but feel like I'm asking for reassurance too many times, or get scared of being left behind out of nowhere. It can be overwhelming whenever I feel like this.

Ah, I'm so sorry for the sudden trauma dumping. It's just that I've been dealing with the issues along with physical fatigue at the moment. Makes me easy to forget myself. Feel free to delete this ask if you're not taking any request at the moment! I guess I really need to let this out of my system. Have a good day and I hope you take care <3

Don't you worry dear anon, you're fine! I've been there, more times than I'd like to admit. It's exhausting and it's stressful as hell to deal with. I'm sorry to hear that you have to struggle so much. Even if things are hard for you right now, I hope only good comes to you soon. Please, take care of yourself and treat yourself with the same kindness and love Saeran would want you to experience. Now, onto the fic! <3

"Y/N?"

Saeran knew something was bothering you for a while now, but he didn't want to push you into telling him anything when you simply weren't ready for that yet. It hurt him to see that distant look in your eyes as you tried to keep up with your daily schedule, forcing a cheery smile onto your face that didn't quite reach your eyes, and pretending that everything was fine, almost as if you were too scared of showing anyone that you weren't doing so well on the inside. He did try to gently nudge you into opening up to him at breakfast, but you were quick to shut him down and change the subject with a clumsy joke and a kiss to his cheek. He saw that wordless plea in your eyes for him not to press the issue any further. So, he didn't pry.

Yet.

That is, until he got woken up in the middle of the night by insistent tossing and turning coming from your side of the bed, your short shaky breaths soon reaching his ears, once he was awake enough to think. You were being pretty quiet, but Saeran never slept too deeply. It was practically impossible for you to sneak out of bed without him waking up to see what you were up to. This time, however, he was grateful for his ability to not sleep through much of anything. He would hate to think of you suffering right by his side without him even knowing it. He was quick to push up onto his elbows, looking over at where you laid, curled up into a small ball, the sight of which made his brows furrow in deep worry.

He anxiously whispered your name a couple of times to try and gain your attention, a sick feeling of great concern twisting at his insides with an iron grip, once you didn't reply or even turn to look at him. Despite everything, you heard him. He could see that by the tiniest hitch of your breath and the way your body has stilled it's trembling. This wasn't like you at all...

It reminded him of the way he would get whenever his fears and doubts would leave him too overwhelmed and scared to even try and ask for help. The thought of you going through the same thing, or even something remotely similar to it, made his heart bleed for you. So, he scooted himself just a tad bit closer to you, a result of his natural desire to be near you in the moment of crisis. He couldn't help it. Even if he didn't want to touch you without you saying that it was okay for him to do so, his soul longed for him to embrace you and hold you tight until all of your fears and doubts would leave you be.

"My love, what's wrong...?" He asked, carefully tilting his head down in such a way that would allow him to take a look at your face. Or, what surface of it wasn't obscured by your hair or pillows. Your eyes were open, but you were avoiding looking at him. A single tear slipped down your cheek. It took him all of his self-control not to embrace you right then and there. His heart was aching for you. But, he didn't want to overwhelm you. He would be patient. He would try. For you.

For you.

"Nothing. I'm... I'm fine." You sniffed, your voice sounding hoarse and so very sad. The uncharacteristic rasp in your voice was a sign that you had been crying for a while now, and it broke his heart to discover. Why didn't you just wake him up? He would be there for you. He wanted to be there for you. Why were you closing yourself off from him? This wasn't like you, and it worried him greatly.

He just couldn't take it anymore. Saeran's hand rested gently on your shoulder as he slowly rolled you over to face him fully, before moving his palm down to press it against your chest. You didn't resist him, which made him breathe a small sigh of relief. He could feel the hard pounding of your heart underneath his hand, almost as if you had just come back from an intense workout. Oh, how he wished that was the reason behind your racing heart. That, or maybe you are feeling too smitten by him to handle it. But... no, the reason behind your heart working so hard to pump blood through your system was that you were in distress. You were in distress, and your body was doing all it could to keep you safe. Even if it only left you feeling even more anxious and shaky in the end. He knew that feeling all too well.

"Did you have a nightmare?" He coaxed you softly, moving his hand up from your chest to caress some of the messy strands of your hair away from your forehead, his fingers lingering on your skin for just a bit longer than necessary. Touch was a crucial way for him to express his feelings towards you, and he couldn't help it. A way for you two to feel connected. A promise of safety. For him as much as you. He always wanted to feel you close in one way or another.

You bit onto your bottom lip harshly, swallowing the lump in your throat, before giving him a brief nod. Saeran's heart was breaking at the sight of you, but at least you were no longer concealing your pain from him. That was a good sign. Some part of him wanted to praise you and kiss you on the forehead, but he resisted that temptation for now. Instead, he moved himself farther up the bed, resting on the soft pillows and plushies your shared bed was adorned by, and nudged you to lay on your side close to him, now starting to comb his fingers through your hair. Without saying a word, he tilted his head down to kiss your temple, nuzzling into your hair just a little bit to let you know he was there. He felt you slowly wrapping your arms around his waist and pressing your face into his chest, burying it into his shirt, like what a frightened child would do. He rested his forehead on the top of your head, stroking your hair and back tenderly, trying to keep his breathing even as he felt your tears soak onto his shirt.

"You're alright, my flower." He whispered into your hair, feeling the tremor that vibrated down your spine as you cried into his shirt silently. He had to battle the urge to start tearing up himself. He hated seeing you cry. It's almost like he could feel the same pain you're feeling, his heart desperate to ease your woes. But, he had to be strong right now. For your sake. "I'm here. I'm right here. Whatever it was, it was just a dream. We're safe. You're safe."

You never told him what your nightmares were about whenever you ended up having them, and he'd never push you to tell him anything: he didn't want to force you into talking with him about these things, figuring that, if you wanted to tell him about it one day, you'd tell him on your own time and terms. He was content with that. As long as you let him be there for you when you were too scared to bear your burdens on your own. That was enough for him.

Saeran laid there with you in his arms for about twenty or so minutes, without even realizing that he had eventually fallen back asleep. Your shaky breaths hitting his skin in small puffs of air and your weak and tired voice hitting his ears quickly awakened him to the reality, though. He opened his eyes, looking down at you worriedly as his hand rubbed your back gently.

You were trembling, your arms tightening their hold on his torso in a way that wasn't natural to you. He didn't have any problem with it, just keeping you close and providing the least amount of support he could. It's the least he could do for you in such a difficult moment. He could handle a tight hug just fine. Especially coming from you.

Saeran hushed you, brushing your hair out of your face to take a proper look at you, only to see your expression pained and stricken with anxiety. Despite that, your eyes were closed. Were you asleep, perhaps? He didn't like to think that you were having yet another nightmare. Something must be seriously troubling you if you're having such a hard time... He only wished you weren't so afraid of telling him.

"I'm never going to let you go, my love." He breathed softly against your hairline. He was aware from his own experience that it could be a very stressful thing to forcefully wake someone from a nightmare, so he made an effort to calm you while you were still asleep asleep. You did the same for him many times, after all.

You groaned and pressed your face deeper into his chest, almost like you were trying to hide yourself away from the world around you. And while he appreciated you instinctively viewing him as your source of safety and comfort, he would be lying if he said it wasn't absolutely destroying him to see you like this. He didn't care if he was being too sentimental right now, he just hated the idea of you being this sad or hurt at all. It reminded him of the inner agony he had to fight against back when he chose to sacrifice himself to save you and Saeyoung, back in the Jihyun's house. The way that his heart would ache and bleed with every tear your eyes would shed and every shaky breath that left your lips as a consequence of his decision. He truly wished he would never see that same look on your face ever again.

But, life wasn't so generous, was it?

"I'm right here, Y/N." He told you gently, knowing you were still asleep, but wanting to let you know he was there regardless. "Oh... my angel, what are you dreaming about...?"

He frowned, holding your head close to his chest and nuzzling your hair as he muttered his inner thoughts softly to you. If only he could have a glimpse inside of your head right now. Maybe he would be the knight in shining armor he read about in fairytales, and chase all those bad thoughts of yours away with a whip of his sword. How nice would that be?

"No-!" You suddenly jolted out of his arms, making him flinch and move away, as you sat up and panted hard, your tear-filled eyes fixating on something in particular, yet also nothing at all, your entire body shuddering in complete panic. You were in a state that he had never seen you in before. And, while usually, he loved discovering new things about you... it couldn't be applied when you were actively suffering.

Sitting up next to you, Saeran wrapped his arms around your waist from behind and gently rested his chin on your shoulder. Slowly, he rocked you back and forth, squeezing his eyes shut as he felt you shake in his arms and heard you sniffle. Your nightmares had never been this bad before. Sighing, he was at a loss for what to do to comfort you. He couldn't do much when he didn't even know the source of all this pain. But, he also didn't want to push you when you were this hurt and vulnerable. He honestly felt stuck on what would be the right thing to do for you here.

"I'm- I'm sorry..." You finally whimpered, your voice raspy and borderline unrecognizable.

"It's okay." He whispered back, turning his face into your neck and pressing his lips to your jaw lightly, not minding the salty taste as his lips brushed against your damp skin. “I just want you to be alright. That's all."

After a few more minutes of quiet, broken only by the sounds of your shaky breathing and occasional sniffling, you eventually calmed down, leaning back against his chest and closing your eyes. Your fingers wriggled together anxiously as you let out a sigh. Finally, you spoke up. "I'm sorry, I'm just- I'm just... so, so afraid..."

"I know." Saeran informed you quietly, rubbing a hand up and down your tummy. Despite his desire to express more, he felt that he should allow you to handle this at your own pace for now. You obviously had a lot of things bottled up.

"I'm so afraid..." You repeated, quieter this time, your shoulders slumping in defeat. You had never spoken about your nightmares before. Saeran wanted to hang onto your every word. "I'm so... so afraid of feeling abandoned, again. It's- It's debilitating and exhausting, and- and-"

"Y/N, I will never abandon you." He cut you off as you started to choke on your own words again, his stomach twisting at just the thought of you feeling abandoned. Saeran was familiar with that terrible feeling all too well, after all. He squeezed you a little bit tighter. "Even if I die, my soul would be right here next to you. Every moment of your life. Watching over you. Guarding you. Loving you. Forever."

"I know that, Saeran." You sighed with a small chuckle slipping through your tears, probably as a response to how incredibly cheesy he sounded. He didn't find that bothersome. He had a lot of love in that heart of his. He had to express it. But, he fell silent now, waiting for you to continue as he traced invisible patterns on your abdomen with his finger. "But, I've... I've actually struggled with feeling abandoned for a while. I'm sorry I didn't say anything, I just... I know it's stupid and irrational, but I just can't help but feel like I am nothing but a nuisance to everyone. That once you all find someone better, you will... you will leave me. And, recently, some of my friends seemed to do some stuff without telling me or inviting me, and... and, I don't know. I just feel bad. And then I feel even worse for feeling bad in the first place. Does any of this even make any sense?"

Saeran pressed his forehead against your shoulder, fighting back his own tears at hearing you talk of how you were so afraid of being left behind by the people you so wholeheartedly loved. It brought back memories of his own pain, which caused him great distress. Because he knew exactly how you felt. Then again, maybe that's why Ray felt so drawn to you back when it all started.

You knew his pain, and he knew yours.

"It is not stupid. It's okay to feel afraid. I am afraid, too. So often, and of so little. But... We'll be together, Y/N." He uttered, hugging you tighter and pressing back flush against his chest. "Fate lead us to meet one another. Just like fate lead you to meet everyone in the RFA and all of your other friends and loved ones. My heart and soul are yours. They will be yours until the end of time."

Your eyes were red and puffy from all the crying, your face flushed and wet with tears as you looked at him over your shoulder. He had to resist the urge to kiss you right then and there.

“You promise...?” You whimpered quietly, making his heart melt for you all over again.

"With all of my four seasons." He reassured you by kissing your cheek.

"You are one of the kind, Y/N. A wonderful, loving soul with an experience unique to you and you alone. No one in this world could possibly replace you. And, when you feel like it all becomes too much: think of me. Think of me and the love I have for you. Even when we're far apart, even when I'm not there to hold you tight and whisper these words into your ears myself, remember our promise of happiness. Remember that I love you, with all that I am. And remember that you are deserving of such love and care. I know it can be scary to open your heart up to others... but, let them know of your fears. Don't close your heart off. Seek out those who are willing to treasure your heart, and trust them to do so when you know you can't handle it on your own. And, remember that my heart is there for you through it all."

[poketrnt]

because I am god damn sick and tired of ool being an absolute shitstain on my life, I'm gonna finally fucking just say what happened.

step.

by.

step.

the backstory

from around 02.10.2023 to 31.12.2023 I was a part of the group chat known as Epic Gamers, which had two of my friends and a guy I later befriended, those being Furret, Ool and Nexo.

on Christmas Eve a person joined, called Leon. However, a week later, I proceeded to leave the group related to a conflict between me and Leon. I still kept in contact with the three people I was friends with, despite Ool commenting in Epic Gamers about how I should shut up, attaching a screenshot of me trying to give him a normal ass compliment because he was playing a game I find cool

in that time I also had a semi-private server (let's call it Server A for this story, but since Ool trying to avoid a block will read this anyways (and because he said I was making shit up), I'm talking about the server with the Sledgehammer character), where Furret and another friend whom I'll call R were because I was going to test a simple Magic the Noah inspired not-really-chess game made in google slides

also this is the icon I was talking about

2. the god damn incident

on 05.02.2024 Nexo convinced me to try to end the beef between me and Leon. So, I tried to peacefully explain my points of view to Leon, but then I realised I was talking to a brick wall and proceeded to simply state I do not want to talk to him, which just caused him to start saying things that a person reaaally shouldn't say, as seen in the following screenshot, taken directly on that day

soon after I proceeded to go to sleep, but not before glancing at my phone to see a notification of Nexo saying something about an "EG raid" in Server A, when he in fact should not have been there. So, that night I just couldn't fall asleep because of how betrayed by Furret I felt.

as proof of Ool taking part in the raid, here's a screenshot taken by R who was still awake at the time

when I proceeded to wake up in the morning, I saw this message from Furret

losing someone whom I considered a friend up to this point was a heavy blow, but I lost three friends at once AND got trust issues

3. the harassment

so, like 2 weeks after that happened, I decided to go and finally speak up on Twitter, only to find that someone has decided to reply to every single tweet I've made with harassing messages

naturally, I've immediately blocked the person who made those replies, but they soon after made another account, and then another after it got blocked, and another.

later on I've found ool leaving messages on my personal Board Game Blitz wiki how I had used Furret's character (at the time of the character being added to the roster, I was still friends with Furret and had recieved his permission to do it. So, I simply just deleted the message and started planning a completely original character due to not wanting to be associated with Furret. But Ool decided to still harass me with more comments on the wiki, and later he proceeded to also raid some pages.

naturally by that point I was getting sick of all of them, but when I saw Ool and Leon trying to get in contact with me on Steam, for reasons I knew exactly, I decided to react calmly and do what I did before by blocking them both. However, a friend, whom I'll address as A, decided to get to the bottom of why Leon and Ool decided to be such scummy people

it was absolutely ridiculous, with Leon talking about how me saying that both Ool and him get hit by a truck and how I told him that I know 1s and 0s that are more human than him were death wishes. Which like, while the first one could theoretically be an argument, calling the second one a death wish was plain stupid.

also Leon was just trying to turn A against me which failed horribly and just cemented out entire group in the idea that the members of Epic Gamers are horrible people

later on Ool decided to try again on Roblox, because why the hell not, despite the fact he should have gotten the message I don't want to talk to him by then.

and now we're here. The point where Ool decided to invade my only safe place in all of this just to harass me some more and also try to make me look like a bad person

and to Ool, because I know he isn't gonna read through this all and will just skip to the end:

I know your life is pathetic enough that you don't have anything better to do other than harass the girl who you've been friend with at one point, but at least go and play some Minecraft instead of focusing your entire life on hate

[angstyaches]

please please please soft n domestic sharlie where they’re both feeling really icky. they’re doing their best to work together and deal with it, but it really sucks and charlie calls his mum for advice?

Part One | Part Two

CW: stomach bug, fever, nausea, vomiting, anxiety, headache, light sensitivity, near-fainting, brief mentions of demonic possession and visions, food, disordered eating, sickies both worried about each other.

Word Count: 4,892

Sorry for any typos/editing fuck-ups, and also for the possibly abrupt endling? I've been agonising over this for so long and right now it's 1am and I'm soooo sleepy.

___

A gurgling sound broke the stillness, and even though Charlie was asleep and – hopefully – unaware of any bodily distress, Shayne swept his hand forward, through the fabric of his boyfriend’s pyjamas, and stroked his stomach.

He was half-asleep himself, exhaustion weighing on his head and his chest while he struggled to stay conscious. Charlie was sleeping now, yes, but sleep could be disrupted by so many things, with vomiting bouts and horrific nightmares being the two main causes for concern right now. 

He was barely aware that he’d let out a groan – out loud, loudly – until he felt Charlie tense, and then stir. 

“Sorry," Shayne murmured. "Are you okay?” 

Charlie suddenly rolled over to face him. His breath was minty from when he’d brushed his teeth a few hours ago, after his most recent appointment with the toilet bowl. His eyelids were barely open, but he was doing his best to peer at Shayne’s face in the dark. 

“Are you okay?” Shayne whispered again. “I-I didn’t know you were awake. Did you have a bad dream, or –” 

“No,” Charlie breathed. “Can I just check...?”  

Before Shayne could ask what he wanted to check, Charlie brushed Shayne’s curls back from his forehead and held his head in place – and then tipped their foreheads together.

Charlie’s skin felt clammy, but not as noticeably so as earlier, which had to be a good thing. Charlie held them both in that position for a long moment. Too long.  

Long enough that Shayne started feeling squirmy. 

“What are you doing?”  

“Are you sick?” Charlie asked. 

“What? No?” 

“You’re as hot as I am.” 

Shayne scoffed. “I’m... Charlie, I’m not sure that’s scientific –” 

“Are you feeling okay?” 

Fuck. Shayne had never managed to build up an immunity to that question. Especially not when Charlie asked it. Especially not when he asked in that painfully gentle voice. It made Shayne’s breath catch in his throat. It made his heart stop. It made him do something that he almost hated more than asking anyone for help; think about himself. 

So, for Charlie and for no other reason, he checked on himself. And the conclusion was that he felt like shit. But when didn’t he feel like shit?  

It was stress! He knew that. He was worried about Charlie – about his bug, and about his dreams, and about his general mental state. Worry made him stiff, and nauseous, and tired. There was nothing unusual about that. He was just stressed.  

Just tired. 

“Tired,” he whispered, forgetting to add the just. 

Charlie was still holding his hand against Shayne’s head, only now he was gently fondling his hair. When he shifted his head back, his blue, fever-glazed eyes had said, I don’t believe you, but okay. “Roll over. My turn to spoon you.” 

“I can’t rub your stomach then,” Shayne said, noticing how it sounded more like a threat than a fact. 

“I know, but you’re warm. You’ll be my hot water bottle.” Charlie pressed his hands into Shayne’s side, barely pushing him, but making his point. “Roll.” 

Shayne grumbled slightly at having to move, but if Charlie wanted him to turn over, then he’d do as he was asked.  

He might as well have not bothered. 

Throughout the rest of the night, Charlie tossed from his back to his side and back to his other side, until Shayne almost lost track of where in the bed his boyfriend actually was. His nerves started to grate in the early morning, as Charlie hoisted himself into yet another new position, and Shayne was about to snap and tell him to settle the fuck down, but luckily, Charlie spoke first and beat him to it. 

“You awake?” 

“Yes.” 

“Wanna go chill on the couch instead?” Charlie groaned. “I’m getting restless.” 

Oh, you think? Shayne didn’t particularly want to move, but he wanted to do what Charlie wanted. He grunted and nodded. 

Charlie seemed to remember that he’d been in the same pyjamas ever since he’d first thrown up, so he changed into a set of cream-coloured loungewear that Ingrid had gifted him at Christmas. It’d shrunk a little during its first wash-and-dry, so the ankle- and wrist-cuffs were a little high, but Charlie seemed content enough. He let out a constant stream of groans and whimpers of discomfort as he went about changing. 

Shayne moved slowly, his joints growing more rigid as he left the warmth of the bed. As soon as he was up, Charlie scooped the duvet up and carried it like he was a pale, sickly fireman. Shayne grabbed an extra hoodie and half-heartedly pulled it on as he followed Charlie downstairs. 

“I’m actually kind of hungry,” Charlie admitted in the hallway.  

It took Shayne a second to register that. Food just hadn’t crossed his mind since Charlie had started puking his life away. “Do... you want me to get you something?” 

“No, I’ll get it myself.” 

Before Shayne could protest, Charlie handed over the bulky duvet to him. “You go get the place comfy. I’ll follow you in a minute. And get warm, okay?” 

It was only then that Shayne noticed that he was shaking, hard enough for Charlie to have noticed, too. His jaw ached from the force of keeping his teeth from rattling, and some of that same tension was creeping down into his shoulders.  

As Charlie took his detour through the kitchen, Shayne tossed the blanket across the couch and fired up the radiators in the front sitting room. He stayed crouched next to one of them, holding his hand against it until he thought he could feel it start to warm up. He realised he was spacing out when the top of his head touched the radiator and snapped him back to life. 

He got up and shut the curtains on all sides of the room; the sun wasn’t quite up yet, but it would be soon, and the light might hurt Charlie’s head. The last thing he needed, on top of a stomach bug, was a migraine.  

The very idea of him having to deal with both made Shayne’s knees feel weak. Or maybe they’d already felt kind of weak to begin with... 

He glanced towards the sitting room door as Charlie appeared, bleary-eyed and messy-haired. He was carrying a plate that held two slices of toast that were so pale that he’d probably gotten impatient and popped them up before the toaster had finished. He also had a cup of water, which he was taking a sip from while he walked. 

“You okay?” he asked softly. 

Shayne swallowed the fluttering sensation in his throat. “Mmhmm. You?” 

Charlie put his glass on the coffee table and took a bite out of his toast. 

Since they had access to the TV now, Shayne expected Charlie to put on an episode of Friends, or something similar, but in the end, he ate his toast in silence. By the time he’d finished, Shayne had crawled in between the sofa and the duvet, and hummed – or was it a whimper? – when Charlie joined him. 

“Are you awake?” 

Shayne flinched.  

He wasn’t sure he’d been asleep at all, really, but rather drifting somewhere between a confusing dream and the reality in which he was feeling more and more like shit by the minute. His head throbbed, his stomach hurt like a bitch, and he just wished he could sleep. But he was also so cold that it felt like an ice demon had crawled over him, and that sensation alone was enough to keep him awake. 

Yes, unfortunately, he thought in his head. Then he remembered that Charlie wasn’t in his head. 

“Mm.” He hugged Charlie a little harder, hands closing over opposite sides of his waist, and turned his head to get a face full of soft, blonde hair that smelled like spring time. He felt Charlie lean into the embrace, too. 

His chest suddenly fluttered with anxiety. “Are you okay, love?” 

“Yep. No dreams. Not going to throw up,” Charlie whispered. Then, he pressed a quick kiss against Shayne’s cheek. The kiss felt like punctuation – a full-stop at the end of the soft, hazy quiet that had enveloped them both for so long.  

“I’m really sorry, lovely.” 

“Hmm?”  

Charlie began to shimmy across the couch, shaking out his part of the blanket to get his feet loose. “I am... way too hot. Holy shit.” 

The arms Shayne had been using to hold onto Charlie locked themselves around his own torso. He blinked his eyes open and almost outwardly whimpered at the cold that pressed in on him. It felt like the sun had just been shot down out of the sky in the middle of the afternoon, and his body was being consumed by freezing shadows.  

“Wh-what...?” 

“I can’t cuddle anymore.” 

Well, fuck. There was a sentence Shayne would never, in his life, have banked on hearing from Charlie’s lips. 

“But I’m so fucking cold.” Shayne hated to whine, but his brain wasn’t working properly, and these were desperate times. He hugged himself a bit harder. 

“Aw. Sweetheart,” Charlie lamented quietly.  

It was only about one metre of space that separated them now, but they might as well have been on opposite sides of the globe.  

“I’m just... too hot. I’m sorry.” Charlie sighed and stood up, raking his fingers through his hair. His cheeks did, admittedly, look flushed, which was better than sickly pale, at least. 

He took a step forward, moving with more conviction than he had in days, through the way he kept his shoulders slightly hunched and his knees too rigid gave away how stiff and achy he still was.  

“Is it okay if I just turn the radiators down?” 

For a second, Shayne genuinely thought he might cry. “Charlie, no. I’m begging you.” 

“I’m gonna pass out from the heat. Seriously.” 

“Charlie, I’m going to kill you.” 

“Just by one notch, okay?” 

Shayne pulled the blanket up as far as his eyes and stared miserably at Charlie as he moved across the room. He didn’t want Charlie to be uncomfortable. Obviously. It just sucked that it came at the price of worsening his own experience.  

“Fine.” 

Charlie crouched by the radiator, moving at a snail’s pace and groaning under his breath. He shoved his already-slightly-too-short sleeves up even further, so that the cream fabric was bunched up around his elbows. 

“How you feeling?” Shayne lowered the blanket slightly to ask. That horrible worry fluttered in his chest again, setting off a burning discomfort in the pit of his stomach. Charlie had been so, so sick, not to mention wracked with every emotion under the sun. And talking about some... worrying things –  

Charlie huffed in displeasure. “Boiling alive,” he declared, as though he hadn’t just mentioned that at least three times already. 

Shayne would have rolled his eyes if he didn’t think it would make him dizzy. “Besides that.” 

“Oh. Um,” Charlie sighed as he fidgeted with the knob. “I’m still feeling kind of bleugh. I'm so fed up of it, to be honest.” 

I’m sorry. I wish I could fix it faster. 

“How are you, lovely?” Charlie turned his head to look back at Shayne. “Are you doing okay?” 

Shayne swallowed. He didn’t need to assess himself this time – he knew what was going on, and the sickly feeling in his stomach was only confirming it – but he did stop to weigh up the pros and cons of telling Charlie the truth. 

“You hesitated.” Charlie sighed again. This time, his eyes were pinned on Shayne’s face, which, evidently, was giving away a lot more than his words were. “It’s happening, isn’t it?” 

Charlie – fuck, Shayne loved him so much – had never actually said the words out loud, that Shayne was sick now, too. The most he’d done was suggest that they had the same body temperature, and encourage him to take some sips of water from the same glass; no use worrying about sharing germs when the germs had already been shared. 

Shayne was sick. They both knew that. They just didn’t know how sick. 

Charlie was grimacing as he stood up from adjusting the radiator. He didn’t ask, out loud, if Shayne was finally feeling sick to his stomach, but his hand hovered near his own belly, as though in sympathy. 

Shayne shook his head in an attempt at defiance – ironically, too busy fighting a wave of nausea to actually say anything. 

Charlie nodded, not in understanding, but in acknowledgment of Shayne’s bullshit. “I’ll make you some tea. That usually helps you.” 

“D-don’t... don’t be stupid,” Shayne choked out. Tea. He hadn’t made Charlie any tea. He’d brought him water, and crackers, and ibuprofen for his head and fever when he’d asked for them, but... not tea. Guilt fogged up his eyes. “Charlie, sit back down. You’re sick.” 

“You’re sick. And you said you’re freezing, so I’m going to make you tea.” Charlie’s eyes, tired and sunken as they were, crinkled up at the corners with an easy smile as he started to move towards the hallway door. “I’m going through the kitchen anyway. I wanna go to the patio for some fresh air.” 

Shayne’s whole body shuddered at the idea. Even the air directly outside his blanket was too much. “You’re crazy.” 

“Well, then,” Charlie shrugged slowly, “you love a crazy person, so what does that say about you?” 

God fucking damn it, Shayne thought, drawing the blanket a little closer to himself. He’s fucking right. 

___ 

Charlie filled the kettle to halfway – maybe he’d have a cup of tea as well, if he managed to cool down – and put it on to boil. He flicked the button down with a bit of flair, tilting his hips as though there was music playing. Out of nowhere, he’d started feeling so much more active. Maybe all that resting had paid off, and now he could be productive. He started thinking about bringing his laptop into the sitting room to catch up on the slides from the lectures he’d missed while he was sick. That would save him a lot of stress next week. 

It was already much cooler than the sitting room, but he still craved that fresh air he’d promised himself.  

He sucked in a breath as he pushed open the patio door and let a gentle morning breeze drift over his face and neck. He took a couple of steps across the paved slabs. The cold creeping in through his socks barely registered. Birds were letting off calls through the forest, and the sound carried back and reverberated against the gable end of the house. The wind through the trees made the same sound as his breath made in his nose. 

He breathed in again. 

And then shuddered as he breathed out. 

The morning was overcast, but the sun was up there somewhere, attempting to burn through the clouds. The resulting white light was like a million tiny daggers forcing their way into Charlie’s eye sockets. 

His vision started to dissolve into dark spots. His knees didn’t just feel like they’d gone weak, they felt like they just... didn’t exist anymore. There had always been a low thrum of ickiness in his tummy, just a weakened echo of the pain and nausea from the previous few days, but now it sank its claws into his insides, dragging the weight of his organs towards his toes.  

His flash of confidence was whisked away like a rug from under his feet – and the ground itself felt like it was being ripped away, too. 

No, no, no. He absolutely did not want to faint out here. He couldn’t.  

And yet – 

Dark, dark, his vision was so dark, speckled with leaves and twigs and then with swirling shadows – 

Charlie stumbled forward on unsteady feet, unseeing, praying there was nothing sharp or hard for him to step on. His hands flailed in search of the wooden banister that looped around the edge of the patio. 

“Ah,” Charlie whispered out loud, triumphant. He sagged forward as his hands closed around the rain-dampened wood. He wondered if he’d have sagged even if he hadn’t found the banister with his hands. Would his head have found it, instead? He tried not to think too hard about that, because it made him feel woozy again. 

He dropped his weight against the banister, leaning into his torso so his legs could recover from their jelly-like state. Breathing deeply seemed to steady him a bit, but it also dried him out, from the tip of his tongue all way down into his lungs and belly. 

With each blink, thought, the ground came a little more into focus, and his head felt less like it was filled with bubble wrap being melted by a heat gun. He tried to pinpoint as many little details as he could, tethering himself to the scene as though he was returning to his body after a dissociative panic attack.  

“Oh, fuck, are you okay?” 

Charlie started. His neck was too stiff to lift his head as quickly as he wanted to, so Shayne was standing right next to him before he managed to look up. 

“Um, yeah...” Charlie was still wondering whether or not he should say something about the dizzy spell and almost passing out, when he realised: 

Shayne was now clutching the railing, too. He opened his mouth, like he was going to say something, but instead he leaned over the edge of the patio and retched over the side. 

Charlie heaved a shaky sigh. “There it is.” 

He had been deluding himself with the hope that the sickness wouldn’t hit Shayne’s stomach the way it had hit his. He looped an arm around his boyfriend’s waist. He was shaking even harder than Charlie was. 

Shayne coughed deeply, his chest banging into the wooden railing, before he choked out a hoarse, and very displeased, “Fuck’s sake.” 

It tickled Charlie just a bit, that Shayne still had the capacity to be pissed off, even in the middle of vomiting. He wondered if he was pissed off at the bug for getting to him, or at his body for allowing the bug to get to him. Probably both. Or just existence in general. 

“Sorry.” Shayne gulped audibly, his shoulders shuddering as he tried to straighten himself up. He absently wiped his mouth with his sleeve. “I –  I came out to – to ch-check on you.” 

“Thank you,” Charlie said sincerely, though his voice was trembling. He rubbed a weak circle across Shayne’s lower back. His mind was racing, trying to land on some kind of plan for taking care of Shayne while he was still very much recovering himself. “Come on. Wanna get back in, out of the cold?” 

Shayne shook his head, despite shivering miserably. “Not done.” 

“Oh.” 

“Mmhmm. You can go, though.” 

Charlie took his hand off the railing and took a step back – just checking that he actually could go back inside without his knees buckling and his head hitting the paved slabs. He still felt like he hadn’t caught his breath, and his head still hurt, but he felt steadier. 

He eyed the patio door to the kitchen. It was so tempting to retreat inside, away from the morning glare. He also needed a lot of water, he was realising. He’d been drinking a lot during his sickness, but he’d been sweating and puking most of it away. And as he’d just learned, he was no good to Shayne if he passed out, whether it was from light sensitivity, or dehydration, or any other reason. 

Charlie’s legs and arms trembled as he let go of the banister. He felt like he was standing on ice skates, fighting just to stay balanced. “I’m just... going to the kitchen, lovely.” 

“Mmm.” Shayne folded his arms on top of the railing and leaned forward again. 

Charlie moved delicately through the kitchen, finding his hands grow steadier. He willed himself not to get carried away like last time. No flair, no silly little hip wiggles. He was still sick and he still needed to act like it. 

He decided against making himself a cup of tea, and sipped on another glass of water instead.  

He heard the patio door shut, and turned to see that Shayne had come back inside and headed straight for the kitchen table. He slumped down into a chair and buried his head in his arms, like he used to do as his school desk. 

Worry and nostalgia wriggled in Charlie’s gut.

“Shayne?” he said gently, walking towards the table with a steaming mug. 

He responded with a muffled groan. 

“I made you some tea, cutie.” Charlie felt a genuine smile flicker across his face. “To settle your tummy.” 

Shayne lifted his head up and blinked. He was horribly pale, the shadows under his eyes deepened. “What?” 

Charlie left the mug down next to him and gestured to it. “It’s ginger.” 

 Shayne gave a flustered little groan.  

“What?” Charlie asked. 

“I t-told you not to.” 

“You’re welcome.” 

Shayne flinched again. “Sorry. Thank you...” 

“It’s okay,” Charlie half-laughed, though he found no part of this funny. His nerves were all alight, his veins tingling with adrenaline like he was in the middle of a slow-creeping anxiety attack. It was just sinking in that he’d almost fainted out there on the patio. He could have hurt himself, badly, if he had.  

And Shayne was struggling to keep still in the chair without shuddering. His hands were trembling so much that Charlie actually dreaded him trying to pick the mug up, so he picked it back up himself. 

“Come on. Back to the warm.” 

“Hurts,” Shayne mumbled. 

“I know, lovely. I know it does.” Believe me, I know. Charlie tried to force a smile, even while his eyes threatened to fill up. “I can’t bear watching you shiver like this, though, so come on, please.” 

Shayne stiffened and attempted to put his hands on the table to push himself up. “Sorry.” 

“Would you stop saying you’re sorry?” Charlie exclaimed softly. It probably came out sounding a lot harsher than it did in his head, because it seemed to make Shayne flinch again. “You’re killing me, lovely.” 

Charlie went first, glancing back to make sure he didn’t lose Shayne. He half-expected him to duck into the downstairs bathroom as they passed it, judging by the colour of his face and the hand that didn’t seem to want to leave his belly. 

But they both reached the sofa again, and Charlie gestured for Shayne to get into the duvet, and he did. 

“Comfy?” 

Shayne shrugged, eyeing the mug Charlie had carried in for him. Charlie felt a little glow of accomplishment as he handed it over and Shayne willingly took it. 

“Thanks.” 

“You’re... you’re welcome,” Charlie sighed. He shut his eyes and let himself be swamped with the light-headedness he’d been fighting off on the walk from the kitchen to the sitting room. When he opened his eyes again, Shayne had wrapped his hands around the mug and held it close to his chest, like he wanted it to warm his insides, but hadn’t quite realised that drinking it would achieve that even faster. 

His dark eyes, riddled with exhaustion, were pinned on Charlie. 

“Are you okay?” he asked. 

“Yep. No. I don’t know.” 

“Sit down.” 

Charlie did, ignoring the duvet. Those waves of skin-prickling heat and the panic hit him all at once, again. The flashes of that dark dream, that dark place, that had licked at his mind as he’d stepped outside. Shit. What could Shayne have realistically done in his state, if Charlie had blacked out on the patio and hurt himself?  

It could have been bad. 

“Love...” Shayne’s voice was a little hoarse after being sick. “Charlie, are you crying?” 

He was, he realised. Tears even hotter than his skin settled in the corner of his eyes. 

“I ju–” Charlie covered his mouth to hold in a sob, even though he realised that it was for nobody’s benefit. He sank down lower, tipping his head against Shayne’s shoulder. “I-I don’t know what to do.” 

“What to do? Charlie, it’s fine. I can still do stuff for you, if – if you need something.” 

“No. You can’t. You’re sick, too.” 

Shayne shook his head. “Charlie, everything is okay. You’re panicking.” 

“I think – I think I’m going to call my mum.” As soon as he said it, Charlie exhaled thoroughly, deeply. Yeah. That felt right. 

He patted down his pockets, not finding his phone until he expanded his search to the sofa cushions underneath him. When he settled back down, getting ready to make the call, he glanced to the side and saw that Shayne was staring at him like he’d suggested contacting NASA and asking to borrow some of their equipment.  

___ 

Shayne’s heart was racing frantically. He was certain that if his stomach hadn’t just been thoroughly emptied out on the patio, he’d have thrown up from the feeling that had inhabited his body. 

The same feeling he’d had when he’d accidentally walked straight into the Waters’ house without knocking, making them think someone had just broken in; the same feeling he’d had after the first time he’d accidentally fallen asleep in Charlie’s room.  

So much space, you take up so much – 

Charlie put a hand on Shayne’s knee. “You okay?” he asked quietly, but then Ingrid answered her phone. 

“Heya, sweetie!” Her voice was already dripping with sympathy when she answered the phone; Charlie text her since he’d gotten sick, so it wasn’t news to her. “Are you okay?” 

“Not really.” Charlie was even more direct and honest with his mother than he was with Shayne, and hearing him admit so freely that he wasn’t okay made Shayne’s stomach lurch again.  

He brought his tea to his lips, not daring to take a sip and yet desperate for something to do. 

“No?” Ingrid asked. 

“I can’t stand up for longer than a few minutes without feeling like I’m going to pass out –” 

Shayne’s heart dropped. Wait, what?  

“And now Shayne’s throwing up, too. I don’t – don’t know what to do.” 

“Okay, take a deep breath, Char,” Ingrid said steadily. “I really doubt it’s anything serious. Are you staying hydrated? Plenty of fluids?” 

“I-I’m  trying to...” 

“Good. Good. Eating something?” 

“I had some toast this morning. I...” Charlie’s gaze flicked towards Shayne. His eyes flashed questioningly. “I can’t remember when...” 

Shayne shook his head, suddenly feeling like he might be the one crying next. He hadn’t eaten since Charlie had come down with the bug, but he didn’t want to admit that, not with Ingrid on the phone. 

“I’m going to come over and check on you both,” Ingrid said.  

Shayne’s stomach felt like it was going down a funfair slide. 

“And I’ll bring you a few bits that you might need. You shouldn’t be driving if you’re having dizzy spells,” Ingrid was saying. “I’ll leave in a few minutes, so I should... Hmm. I’ll be there around tea time.” 

Through the drained look on Charlie’s face, there was a flicker of joy. What Shayne felt was a mixture of relief and guilt that he couldn’t quite wrestle any logic from; he was glad that Ingrid was coming for Charlie’s sake, but the fact that she was also coming due to him being sick made him want to set himself on fire. 

Instead, he took a slow sip of his tea, which was so hot that it almost felt like setting his mouth on fire. It felt a little better when it reached his empty belly, warmth gently curling through his insides. He couldn't help but feel like he didn't deserve that small relief from the nausea and the cold.

How could he not have realised that Charlie was close to passing out when he'd found him earlier? Shayne had walked out onto the patio and spent all of three seconds checking on his boyfriend before turning into a shivering, puking mess.

The phone conversation seemed to be wrapping up. “Thanks, Mum.” 

“See you soon, sweetie. Love you both.” 

Shit. 

“Love you.” Charlie hung up and let his phone slide down onto the couch. His attention was immediately fixed on Shayne. “Hey. You okay?” 

He nodded insincerely.  

“Come here.” Charlie seemed a bit more at ease now, which let Shayne lean into him for comfort with a little less guilt. He was so warm, even though the duvet was separating Shayne’s body from his. “Sorry I had to tell my mum you’re not feeling well.” 

“It’s fine,” Shayne exhaled. “Sorry I didn’t... know you almost passed out.” 

“Sorry I gave you my bug.” Charlie hummed in gentle amusement. At least he seemed calmer now. Calmer than he had since before he’d gotten sick. “We could do this all day, lovely, or we could try to get some sleep.” 

Shayne tried and failed to suppress the shiver that began in the pit of his stomach and ended at the ends of his hair. “Mmm.” 

“Drink your tea.” Charlie pressed a kiss into Shayne’s curls. “And know that you deserve to be taken care of."

Shayne almost choked as he tried to take a sip. His gaze flicked towards Charlie's face. "Um. So do you."

"I know that," Charlie whispered. "Just making sure you know it, too."