#I'm rlly sorry answering this took so long skdjsjd

[astrifica]

Do you ever get just full of hatred and resentment towards people who are supposed to be your friends? And you cant stop it

I personally do yeah (mostly due to my BPD), therefore I just want to quickly say I’m really sorry you’re struggling with this type of response as I know how confusing and distressing it can be.

This response is most commonly caused by emotional dysregulation and is actually incredibly common in multiple mental illnesses/disorders. So know that this isn’t something you’re alone in experiencing!

The two most common forms of this type of emotional dysregulation are in BPD and ADHD, but it can also be caused (to some extend at least) by other forms of emotional dysregulation in for example, trauma disorders (especially c-ptsd), autism spectrum disorders, bipolar disorder, etc. Though when it stems from any of these it’s most commonly to lesser degrees and with less specific causes/triggers, where it might be more about indirect factors like not getting enough sleep instead of something directly invoking the response.

In BPD this is a symptom referred to as splitting, and in ADHD it’s caused by an ADHD specific co-morbidity/symptom called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). The link I added is a brief explanation on a post covering multiple things to do with ADHD, but here’s an article which further explains RSD! I believe the difference between whether this is caused by splitting or RSD lies in what triggers it, as in BPD it’s often a broader spectrum of triggers than in RSD but don’t quote me on that.

I do want to add that whether it has to do with emotional dysregulation does depend on what triggers the response! For example if you experience delusions, it can also be a response triggered by a false belief that your friends have actually done something that warrants the type of response you’re having. While if it’s rooted in emotional dysregulation it’s more like an exaggerated/irrational emotional response that seems to be triggered by something that shouldn’t cause a reaction as intense, like something you perceive as criticism. 

This is a fine line though, especially when you have less insight, because in that case your emotional response can feel completely justified while you’re in the situation or even afterwards still. So if that’s the case for you it might take some serious analysing of situations in which you feel this way to recognise the pattern of what exactly causes it.

I hope any of this helped at all but feel free to send any further asks on it!