#I'm replying 3000 years later I KNOW I'M SORRY

[alacants]

hi! just wanted to say that i was recently looking for lore on the ferru ferri relationship so ur lore post is perfect timing and *chefs kiss* 🤌 i fully support ur unhingedness about them bc i'm getting there too LOL i would love to know more about the facts/lore/thoughts u have on them if u'd like to share ! :D

i actually need to thank you because it was the tags on one of your rbs + talking with another mutual that pushed me to finally finish and post. so thank you!! …and sorry for what's about to happen here. would i like to share more thoughts, YES I WOULD.

(eta: this thing is LONGER than the original and also significantly more unhinged. so like… fair warning.)

first of all here are an assortment of facts/links/quotes that didn't make the final lorepost cut:

about all those times ferru drops by the academy: for example, this and this and this and this and this and this and this and this.

then there is this classic roland garros 2011 "choose a player" questionnaire. ferru picked juanki for THREE separate answers: who would you share a nice bottle of wine with, who would you open a bar with, and—wait for it—who would you hit on girls with. 

i mean, i get it. juanki's looks are ideal bait. i see it happen every day on tumblr dot com. but a truly unfortunate number of scenarios do immediately unroll before the mind's eye.

david ferrer's official 2004 atp media biography included "says his most inspirational player is countryman juan carlos ferrero"

juanki's official atp tour dot com bio includes this typically restrained ferru testimonial: "He was and is my best friend on the tour. He's a person that is very close to me... He’s a very humble and noble person." elsewhere: "He's an even better person than he is a player, which is very difficult."

(juanki's bio is a wholeass novella and ferru's is THE most bare bones bullet points. ferru stop being so fucking modest challenge!!)

juanki used to visit javea to play football with ferru and his hometown friends. ferru are you making your girlfriend hang out with your friendsgroup.

select topics from the david ferrer official forums: "stayed with juan carlos before leaving for the davis cup." (juanki himself was not called up.) "went to a nice restaurant with juan carlos and had paella." "spending new year's eve at juan carlos' hotel."

according to juanki's blog they would watch world cup matches together at ferru's house?? cute.

especially cute since juanki is a real madrid fan and ferru is a barcelona fan. (although he's more outspoken about supporting valencia cf.) here is an amazing photo of a clasico watch party in the cincy locker room.

honestly this is just some sponsor promo content but i am dying to know what the inside joke at 1:15 is about. what are you smiling about juan carlos. why is ferru trying not to laugh. answer me.

ok easy stuff out of the way. i'm just going to warn you in advance that there are a cool 3000 words under the cut so uh... brace yourself i guess. don't open on mobile. topics include: 

some Narratives

thoughts on the dynamic (past)

101 reasons to love david ferrer

behind the music: juan carlos ferrero

thoughts on the dynamic (present)

i didn't link more than a few quotes but if you want sources for anything in particular just drop me a reply or an ask.

finally, in addition to Facts and Anecdotes this includes what is by definition rampant speculation because i don't know these guys and never will. we cannot fully know public figures, we are making the shadows on the wall of plato's cave kiss, you know the drill.

the Narratives

first of all. the opposite narratives of their careers are soooooooooo compelling to me. like, juanki was a child prodigy—junior world champion, junior roland garros finalist, bursting onto the pro scene age 19 and winning his first title just a month later. then clinching spain's first davis cup, roland garros sf-sf-final-title, us open final, world number one. all by age 23! expectations were through the ROOF.

…and then 2004 hit and he fell off a cliff and never recovered. (injury, mentality, and incredible bad luck, like oh this man is CURSED cursed. he missed multiple tournaments because of chicken pox.) in september 2003 he was world no. 1; 17 months later he was no. 98.  he never did make it back into the top ten.

meanwhile, ferru was—i mean obviously he was talented. he won stuff in juniors. but no one was talking about him as the future of spanish tennis, yk? he even quit when he was 17… for a week. (lol.) he was inconsistent, vulnerable to meltdowns. he first appeared on most people's radars when he beat agassi in rome in 2003, but then not again until a brief spike in 2007—made the USO semis, made the master's cup final, world no. 5. and then he, too, slumped.

but he did not give up. ever.

he climbed out of the slump and just kept climbing up, and up, and up. the best year of his career was 2012-2013, age thirty—seven titles, masters title, roland garros final, world no. 3. the second-best was 2015, age thirty-two. top 10 for 292 straight weeks, 2010-2016. ferru is like. the ultimate proof of how dogged persistence pays off if you just. keep. trying. ← wow tumblr user alacants is he your favorite or something.

the arcs intersect in ~2008-2010, when they were especially joined at the hip. they're both struggling—juanki dropped out of the top 100 for the first time, ferru's treading water in the low teens and saying he'll never reach the heights of 2007 again—and both right on the verge of a revival. juanki won his first title in 5+ years in 2009, kickstarting an 18 month last-gasp renaissance that included davis cup hero, more titles, more finals, as high as no. 14. for a few weeks. ferru slowly and surely got his feet back under him. (he calls the dc 09 final a turning point.) around those back-to-back finals in 2010, they were hovering right around the same rank—juanki even jumped ahead a couple places. and then juanki's body finally called it quits, and ferru started to really take off. 

so that window is probably the peak of the pre-retirement dynamic. what IS that dynamic, you ask? great question.

the dynamic (past)

first i must note that although i myself led the lore post with the quotes about how they've been friends forever, something i find super cute/funny is that there seems to be an element of historical revisionism at work there? like, ferru didn't come to the academy until he was 17 (1999, the year juanki went pro), and their hometowns aren't THAT close. and ferru spent a couple years in barcelona as well. so although they clearly knew each other from an early age, it's unlikely that they were like. besties. but if you ask them, it's oh yeah we've been friends foreverrrr.

anyway. dynamics, 2002-2012:

mutual security blanket

introvert (situational) 4 introvert (intrinsic)

senpai/kouhai

chronic patient/emotional support rescue dog

fighter/sacrifice

king/lionheart, where the king was overthrown 10 years ago and now they're living in exile and the loyal retainer is earning their keep by the sword—

what do i mean by 90% of this—ok, first, web 1.0 tangent: beginning relatively early in ferru's career there was a fan forum on his official website. ferrru, who in those days was blatantly uncomfortable with the fan/star dynamic, immediately set about trying to like. befriend everyone on it. no fans here, we're all just friends! he would post regular life updates and then hang around in the thread just. chatting. he would remember details like where posters lived and who their other faves were and TEASE them about it. he hosted a christmas dinner in his hometown for anyone who wanted to make the trip. this is obviously unsustainable past a certain point of success but while it lasted it was just. so charming.

so ferru took his self-appointed role as juanki handler very seriously. like, i joke about "xx news and publicity bureau," but ferru really was. he would regularly post updates about juanki's health and recovery progress. he would answer questions. juanki's fans would come to ferru for updates!! couple this with the comments about how they tried to enter the same tournaments and generally traveled together/stayed in the same hotels, along with juanki's incredible run of illness and injury, and it's just like. ferru is juanki's designated spokesperson, his interface with the cold cruel world, his shield arm/support animal.

mutually supportive, but also: ferru clearly gets a lot of validation out of doing things for other people. he is always describing himself in terms such as, "i'm nothing special, i just try to be a really good friend." this is an acts of service guy all the way down.

(you ARE special, ferru, listen to me and juan carlos—)

i do think it was an evolution—ferru especially credits juanki with supporting him in the early days on tour. so i see it as like... friendly face showing the new kid the ropes, giving him advice, and then suddenly they're pulling even, and then even more suddenly ferru is the one equipped to provide the support.

introvert (situational): namely, juanki describes himself as shy, but he loves being the center of attention. he doesn't act out to get it but he very much enjoys it when it comes. (early quote re: what he likes about tennis: "all the people cheering for me in the big stadiums.") (it's also worth noting that he was the youngest child and the much-anticipated only son. lmao.) at the same time the media describe him as reserved, and he visibly dislikes talking about personal stuff. direct quote: "you can see how uncomfortable he is talking about his family…" 

so at first the press calls him "the monk of villena", he lives in the middle of nowhere, his lifestyle isn't flashy*, he's so humble, wow. but alllllso he loves fast cars and throwing parties at his hotel. he befriends other famous spanish athletes like sergio garcia and sete gibernau. and there are some wiiiiiiiiiild pictures from players' parties through the years. 

(*the contemporary gossip was also that maybe he was out having a little more fun than he let on, lol.)

so maybe it's accurate to say he's doesn't like being out of his depth? doesn't like unfamiliar situations. but like—i have seen the records and they do not lie. juan carlos looooves being—sorry—doted upon.

(this btw is why someone dedicating their tournament victory to him in front of god and the city of valencia and everyone was probably what you could call an effective tactic.) 

meanwhile ferru's favorite hobby is READING. he is famous for always having a book in the locker room. "i can get through 3 books in a 2 week tournament and i keep every book i read." (← man who ebooks were invented for.) his idea of a perfect day is going to the beach in his hometown ("the best beach in the world") with his family and his friends and then having paella. he's a cat person. he's perfect? SORRY. I'M TRYING SO HARD TO BE NORMAL. anyway genuinely think this is the person you would find in the corner at a party befriending the host's cat.

��ok fuck normal i need to talk about ferru some more.

some very normal thoughts about david ferrer

as a player ferru had uhhhhh well maybe it was an inferiority complex or maybe it was a self-defense strategy playing in the big four era or maybe he was just unbelievably hard on himself. but for a long time he was out there saying stuff like, i'm the worst player in the top hundred. i'm the worst player in the top ten.

the thing is. it's impossible to talk about ferru without bringing up the closet story. you can read it here. c. 2007 this was reported as like, a humorous character-building anecdote????? because ferru brushed it off ("once in there i didn't think much" <- bad sign!!!) and said things like "i learned everything from him, about tennis and how to be a person." ok ferru, but what if you learned the wrong things. 

i mean, what do i know. i don't know any of these people, i'm (mostly) not here to pseudo-psychoanalyze. i just don't think it's UNrelated that ferru explicitly compared their eventual coaching split to a breakup and later implied that he should have cut the cord earlier but couldn't bring himself to do it. or that afterwards he started going to therapy, "personal, not sport," and says he wishes he'd started when he was 20. 

he stayed with that coach until he was 31 btw. there is loyal and then there is whatever the hell this is.

how do you reconcile this with today's happy and well-adjusted davis cup captain? many possibilities, such as his very own family (they're so cute, they are so cute) and 20 years of personal growth. also probably the therapy. and tbf by the end of the career he'd already gotten a lot better about the self-deprecation. but he still has a worldview that is uh refreshing verging on eye-watering. he's repeatedly said that being a professional athlete doesn't make you particularly special or interesting. asked whether as a known reader he's thinking about writing a memoir: "I'm not that important and I don’t believe I can contribute that much to the society… there are so many people that can contribute much more." ← ferru STOP.

(speaking of the adorable family: although this post is mainly about silly shipping nonsense and not irl romantic relationships i DO think it's instructive that ferru appears to have dated exactly two (2) women in the entirety of his adult life. one gf age 17-26, one age 27-present. this man's natural mode is Devotion.)

anyway my main point here is that it probably felt real good to have someone on tour in his corner. someone who hadn't ever locked him in a closet.

(there is a lot more to unpack about ferru but if you're sitting here like "but what about uso 2008" or whatever trust me it's solely for the sake of not making this insanely long post EVEN LONGER and i am happy to share my thoughts upon request lol.)

some very normal thoughts about juan carlos ferrero 

IN CONTRAST... one of the funniest things about revisiting old press is constantly hearing juan carlos ferrero described as "humble" when my man has a VERY healthy opinion of himself. this isn't a bad thing. it's arguably better than calling yourself the worst player in the top one hundred. it is however a problem when the person you feel threatened by is. rafa nadal. 

i initially had an 800 word tangent here that has now been exiled to its own post. the short version of this is juanki got dropped in favor of rafa in the 2004 davis cup final and never forgot it, lol. a number of other perceived sins were committed including 1) rome 2008 media coverage 2) dc 2009 president's speech 3) valencia open 2013, how dare rafa spurn juanki's beloved child tournament. but really it was that rafa became who juanki was supposed to be. :(

juanki's got a lot of pride! another example: madrid master's 2008. yet again juanki is in bad shape. at no. 44 he just missed the main draw. so he asked for a wild card… and didn't get one. that was genuinely an insult considering he was the 2003 champion and that wc #3 went to (consults notes) fabio fognini, ranked 73. the spanish sports media were up in arms. juanki said he was so insulted that even if they offered him a spot he wouldn't take it.

…so when carlos moya pulled out they didn't waste their time. "he said he didn't want it so we gave it to someone else." oh, juanki.

(ferru's measured thoughts on this decision btw: "The absence of Juan Carlos Ferrero is outrageous and insane. This only happens in Spain. It's a huge tragedy and, above all, an injustice for a player like him, who's been number one in the world and previously won this tournament.")

so, juanki: proud, outspoken when he's angry, reserved when he's not. to the extent that when he started saying ferru was his best friend on circuit his fans were like wait. what. this is brand-new information. 

you will notice that throughout this post there are a Lot of heart-on-sleeve quotes from ferru, and fewer from juanki. what happens is that when you don't talk about your feelings, they explode without warning in Grand Gestures. juanki LOVES a Grand Gesture. ferrufest 2k19 is the most notable but far from only instance, see also organizing special surprises at their special tournament. (the open letter is somewhere in the middle, i would be fascinated to know if he would have been that forthcoming if asked point blank. i mean, maybe so!!!! personal growth!!!)

sidenote, but imo you can see the exact same dichotomy at work with juanki and carlos, where he goes out of his way to reject the we're-like-family premise and then acts the exact opposite. ("i leave the father thing to his actual father." ok juan carlos.) he used to do the same thing wrt his own coach since childhood, "i wouldn't call him a father figure, that would be weird…" this is how you end up naming things after people and bursting into tears in public! ← the fact that he's a capital-c Crier makes it even more obvious.

you will ALSO notice that despite that 7-2 h2h juanki sure never had any problem with ferru. lol. the appeal presumably goes without saying of a friend who is shouldering his way in among the ~big four and STILL out here in the year of our lord 2009 saying things like, “[Ferrero] is one of the best players in history on clay… I think he can win Roland Garros again. Nadal and Federer will be there but Juan Carlos will be right there behind them. Why not?"

(fwiw i think all of this is very like… normal and human. it's why it's so fun to put him under a microscope.)

and what is also true is that no matter how much you think juanki's life is the academy, it's more than that. he is the academy. like it was founded specifically for him (well, his cohort of young players, of which he was far and away the most promising), and his coach included him in conversations about the Vision and the long-term goals from day one. he lived there with a ROOMMATE for years and years after going pro, despite owning like… a nice house in the city of valencia. (← maybe also a reason he didn't get married until well after retirement lmao.) so when he starts naming parts of the academy after you... it's a Big Deal.

—incidentally it must be comforting to have a ready-made identity on hand when "generational spanish tennis talent" turns out to go. not the way you thought it would.

hm not doing a great job avoiding the pseudo-psychoanalysis, am i. well. i tried.

thoughts on the dynamic (present)

dynamics, 2024:

will-they-won't-they x 20 years

(life) partners

✨✨✨ co-parents ✨✨✨

that one is so overwhelmingly dominant it sort of overshadows everything else. lmao.

king/lionheart STILL only now the one-time king has returned from exile to be an advisor to the new prince—

tbh now that they are both retired and both have their own families they are a little less codependent. normal best friends, i almost said, before remembering the fucking portrait commission. do you think that's hanging up in ferru's house???? i ask myself this every day.

what do i think has changed? ferru is (wonderfully) much less self-effacing. juanki successfully reinvented himself as a top coach. after juanki retired i think they finally started to relate as… i'm not saying they weren't equals before that but maybe to some people (ferru) it didn't feel like they were. and ferru is clearly in his element as dc captain, where his job is literally to be the entire team's emotional support dog. emotional support pack leader? once again: who needs hierarchy, we're all friends here. (he gave coaching a brief shot but it didn't stick—this my personal theory as to why. based on nothing other than intuition lol.)

hm this section is suspiciously resembling "ferru: the postscript." well we all see a lot of juanki, he's doing great lol. if anything i think having ferru around is good for him, keeps him from getting too martyred. every time ferru and carlitos TEAM UP to tease juanki is jfkldajf;l so delightful. (to modestly quote my own tag, "just two dogs yapping at their favorite cat.")

but shipping nonsense aside: i genuinely think it is really lovely and heart-warming to see two people who clearly mean so much to each other and are still such a big part of each other's lives after so long—even/especially despite the changes. some people grow apart. some people grow together. :)

and if you want to throw in twenty years of pining SO MUCH THE BETTER

--

christ that is. so much text. uhhhh hopefully this was informative/entertaining/morbidly fascinating, and everyone who reads it will feel mysteriously compelled to start including ferruero subplots in their sincaraz fic. :D?? :D????

you have SO many options. practically married. one-sided pining for many years. (whooo in this post sounds like they would do that.) MUTUAL pining for many years. practically married but haven't realized it. tour arrangement but they caught feelings. second-chance romance years after a youthful failed fling. the parent trap, starring carlitos alcaraz— [curtain falls as i am forcibly dragged from the stage]

[abrcmswrld]

Cherry

Edward Nashton x Reader

━━━━

Word Count: 3,079

Warnings: smut (18+ only MDNI), gender neutral, but AFAB terms are used, unprotected sex, semi-public sex, not as much fluff and a little less melodramatic than my other fics, alcohol usage, drunk kissing

Summary: Reader is a bartender at the Iceberg Lounge and is used to the crowd of obnoxious rich men and their love for money and sex. Edward visits the club and stuns reader with his demeanor.

Author’s Notes: This was supposed to be a drabble of smut and somehow it ended up being 3000 words so idk lmao eat up I reckon. Idk if I will post this one on Ao3 I'll decided later. Not beta'd once again sorry for typos and such!

Ao3 Link

He catches your eyes quickly. Oddly enough by doing nothing. It's peculiar behavior in a place like The Iceberg Lounge. The men here have over exaggerated egos that flow out of them through their words like poisonous honey.

They take what they want. And what do they want? Money. Power. A quick fuck. All of the above. "I'll take care of you, sweetheart. You just can't tell anybody." You're used to their words. You can brush it off as you pour them another drink. They always talk too much.

But in contrast, he says nothing at all. He sits hunched at the bar, the beam of party lights glimmering off his glasses. He doesn't have the style, the stature, or the stare of the other guys. Instead it feels like he's avoiding eye contact with you.

"Is there something I can get you?"

He looks stunned. "Uh- I'm okay. Thanks." You raise your brow. "You come to a club and actively decide not to drink?" Maybe it was mean of you to say that. He could be 10 years sober for all you know. But to sit at the bar in a place like this and not drink was strange.

"I like the... atmosphere."

You glance over him once more. "Mhm. Are you meeting somebody?" He replies quickly and short, "No."

"I just come to observe."

So maybe he wasn't what you thought. Maybe he was just another pervert here to eye the girls as they strolled through in their glittery getups and high heels. It's what most of the men came for, who were you to assume he'd be any different.

"If you're looking for a girl you're gonna have to wander a little further. I don't do dances, I just serve the drinks."

He furrows his brows. "I don't want a dance."

"Okay."

He's not looking at you, but you feel rude ending it there. "Is there a specific something you're...observing?" His eyes meet your again. "The people." You nod. "Ah. So you're a people watcher, got it." 

You're smiling, but he doesn't seem to get the humor in your tone. "Sorry. I'm just joking around." He nods. "You know, you're like the only guy here who hasn't asked to fuck me for money, so I guess I'm just a little refreshed." 

"They'll regret saying things like that one day."

"I sure hope so." 

For once, he smiles at you. 

━━━━

"It's you again."

You're almost shocked to see him again. You get a few weirdos around the place but nothing like him. You'd expected it to be a one time visit once he realized this place wasn't for people like him. But there he was. In that same blue windbreaker. He glanced up at your words.

"Yes."

You smile. You can't help it. He's much more tolerable than the other men that hang around the club. It feels like your input into your conversations matters and isn't shrouded in obnoxious glances at your tits.

"So, can I get you a drink this time?"

He hesitates for a moment, thinking.

"Yeah. A White Russian."

He hands you his I.D. before you can ask. Patrick Parker. You tuck that information away for future conversation.

"Got it."

And he's quick to sip away the drink soon after you give it to him. He's different tonight than when you first met him. Elevated. Possibly a bit manic. You can't break the silence before he does.

"Don't you think it's strange? The people that come in here."

You finish the drink you are preparing and glance up at him. He's looking right at you.

"You mean the rich old men?"

"I mean the mayor, the DA, half the police department."

You're not sure why he would be asking you this. Sure, you had seen them around, but was it not common knowledge that politicians and city officials don't give a shit about morals? What exactly would you be doing about it?

"I mean, sure, I've seen them around. Our lovely officials have never really had the best morals." He frowns at your words. "It's not just bad morals. It's blood on their hands." He continues,

"Wouldn't it be something if that could change?"

His gaze is making you hot. Like his stare is a heat lamp pointed right on you. "Yeah. I guess that'd be something." He smiles. It's wide a wild and completely contrasts his demeanor from the previous night. But it's cute, you think, and you can't help but give him a small smile back. 

A table is waving for another bottle in the distance. You excuse yourself, assuring him and the rest of the men at the bar that you'd be back swiftly.

When you return to the bar, he's gone.

━━━━

The next time you see him, you're finishing up a shift. He catches your arm as you exit the bar. "Hey." He smiles. "Are you leaving?"

"Yeah. I'm off."

He seems to deflate a little. "Oh." It's pathetic. You think. But it also makes your heart pull. Something about his soft expression and touch of his hand makes you want to stay with him here all night.

"I can stay for a little." You plant yourself into the stool next to his.

And it's nice. He's very clearly intelligent. But also inquisitive. He's asked you every question you can think about the club and your life. And you had answered them honestly, because his presence wasn't prying and uncomfortable like others have been in the past.

"What do you do, Patrick."

He sips the drink in front of him, another White Russian. "I'm a forensic accountant." You hum in response, not entirely shocked. You can see him filling that role. "It's nothing exciting."

"I mean I'm sure it's exciting when someone actually commits fraud." You laugh. He follows suit. The way his eye wrinkle when he smiles makes your heart beat a little faster.

He's a gentle person. His voice as soft as his features. And once again he's so different than he was the previous night. He's calm. Happy. And by the time the two of you have downed a couple drinks, you're laughing and leaning your head on his shoulder.

"Oh man, it's been a while since I've actually had fun here." You're still slightly giggling when you meet his eyes. "Thank you for this." You hardly think when you press a chaste kiss to his cheek. It stuns him, but your nerves aren't nearly as shot as they would be if you were completely sober. You hardly notice the warmth of his hand smoothing over your hip, until he scoops you toward him by the small of your back and presses his lips to yours.

His lips are soft like the rest of his features and he's gentle. You keep your eyes closed and your forehead against his for a moment after the kiss ends. You should go home, stop while you're ahead, before you make things awkward. But his hand is still warm against your back and he has treated you so nicely the entire night. You can't help yourself when you dive in once again, this time more assertive. He gasps as you tentatively lick into his mouth. He tastes like alcohol and coffee.

His eyes are half lidded when you pull away. You want to look at him forever, but instead you choose to escape the eyes of the creeps outside the club and grab his hand leading him back in. He follows obediently, not dragging his feet. His eyes are wide as you shut the bathroom door and click the lock. 

The club bathroom is just as dim as the rest of the club, the only source of light is a black light, but he still looks heavenly when you push his back against the door of the closed stall. His small gasps with each moment sound so good in the echo of the room. Your lips are on his neck in seconds. His hands float above your hips, hesitating. "You can touch me. It's okay."

He lays a hand on each hip, pulling your hips closer to his. You can feel the way his cock is straining against his dress pants. You smile against his neck. "Does that feel good?"

"Y-Yes." He's whispering.

You move your mouth to meet his, tongue meeting his once again. Strangled noises are escaping his throat through the kisses. You almost feel bad. He had been so nice to you, such a gentleman, all night long, and you were paying him in kisses in a dirty bathroom stall.

You trail a hand down his chest, stomach, until you reach the bulge in his pants. The pressure of your palm against his cock makes him whimper. It's delicious. "I like the noises you make for me." His eyes are wide. "I thought you didn't do these things?" 

You smile. "I don't. Not for money." 

He huffs out a laugh. "I-I'm special?" You squeeze the hardness under your hand. "Yeah, honey. You're special." 

And it's over just as quick as it had started. His choked off moan and the way he pushes your hand away, overstimulated, is all you need to know that he's come in his pants. His face is flushed and his hair is a mess. You leave a kiss on his lips before reaching to unlock the door. "What about you? Should I-" You shake your head and smile. "You can walk me to my cab." 

So he does just that. Before he turns to leave you grab his hand. He faces you, still flushed and tussled. You kiss his cheek before getting into the waiting car. 

"Be safe getting home."

A couple of drinks were never good for you.

━━━━

He doesn't come back after that. Which is fine. You tell yourself. You were both drunk the night you had kissed him. You doubt he even felt anything about you. But deep down you're disappointed.

Your shift had been long, boring, and unusually dead. But you had powered through it. Your feet ached, and it felt good to walk freely and let the cool air of Gotham hit your face.

It's relaxing for only a moment. Until you see him. He's in the shadows, but his glasses and features are unmistakable. You can't help but yell out to him. "Patrick!"

He doesn't respond. Before thinking with a rational mind, you're striding towards him. It's then that you've caught his attention, he looks stunned like an animal caught under bright headlights.

He's different. Same glasses and hair, but he's ditched his work shirt and windbreaker for a simple green hoodie and leather gloves. It is cold. You've become more aware as the wind hit your bare legs.

"Hey! You haven't been around."

He nods shyly. "I've been busy. Sorry." You shake your head. "No, I mean- it's okay. We all get busy sometimes. I just wanted to check on you." You hesitate before finishing. "I missed you."

You can hear the way his breath catches in his throat. He stands with his hands flat to this sides. Holding back but- "I missed you too." You smile.

"I don't think I'm gonna be hanging around here anymore."

You cock your head to side. "Did I drive you away? Did the drinks suck that bad?" You laugh, hoping to break his tense posture. But he doesn't laugh with you. Instead he keeps a straight face as his eyes bore into you. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you. I shouldn't have let things go that far. We can forget-" He cuts you off.

"I think you might become a distraction."

You're stunned and the words light a fire inside your stomach. So he had been thinking about you. Thinking about that night. You only hoped you were a good distraction.

"That's too bad. I wanted to see you again. "

His eyes fall over your figure. He's quiet, that's what you like most about him. He doesn't say anything unless it's absolutely necessary. He'd rather calculate what his next move will be in his head than let nonsensical banter fall from his lips. He only speaks when it's necessary. But he had spoken to you all those nights before. He had asked to.

And you're suddenly remembering the way he looked under the lights at the club. He'd been so out of place, but his soft features had looked perfect to you. You're remembering his face under the dim bathroom light, and the faces he had made...the sounds he had made, and as much as you want to continue to stare at him under the dim streetlight, you can't stop yourself from grabbing him by his hand and pulling him into the secluded alleyway.

You're both shrouded in darkness, but you can still see the glint of his glasses and the glimmer of his stare. "Am I a good distraction?" It comes out as a whisper, and you never let your eyes leave his. You practically stop breathing until his answer comes. He nods.

You're holding him by the crease of his elbows. There's something dangerous within his eyes. It makes you feel like prey in the arms of a predator, but you won't show him fear. You crave to break him down. You pull him closer by the collar of the soft hoodie. He's close enough that you're sure he can feel your hot breath hitting the skin of his neck.

"Do you wanna fuck me?"

You almost stun yourself with your words. It was something you'd heard so often from the other girls in the club. They knew it could make them good cash, but you had never been a part of that lifestyle. You were just the bartender.

Still, you relish in the sound of his inhale and the goosebumps that blossom on the skin that's visible to you. You're treading a thin line. You're not thinking with your brain, and are only acting on the heat in your core. Might as well, you think. You press an open mouthed kiss onto the soft skin under his jaw. He sighs a soft "Yes." And you can't help but grin into the crook of his neck.

You don't say a word as you unbuckle the belt and unzip the zipper of his dress pants. You pause to pull your panties down under your skirt to your knees. "Then fuck me, baby."

It's filthy the way he manhandles you until your cheek is pressed against the brick wall of the dark alley. He'd seemed like such a gentle man in all of your interactions, but he had forced your body around so easily it makes your stomach flutter. You gasp at the feeling of his cock prodding at your entrance. He's quick to shove two fingers into your mouth, muffling your small cries as he thrusts into you.

"Have to be quiet."

You can't help but moan against his fingers. A passerby could see you in this moment and you wouldn't bat an eye. You were fucking a man you had only met a week ago in an alley. And his cock is hitting spots inside you that make you forget every thought in your head. He's so different. So forceful. Like he just wants to take and take and take from you. 

He throws his head back. "Fuck- You're tight." His body is forcing yours forward into the wall in front of you with each sharp thrust. It's only in this moment that you realize how tall he is. He'd minimized himself within the walls of the club, but now you could see the real him.

"Do you let the other men fuck you like this?"

His arms are pulling your upper body off the brick wall until your back is pressed against his chest, your head resting against the dip of his shoulder.

"No- fuck- No. You know that. They're disgusting."

You can't help but smile up at him when he narrows his eyes down at you.

"What if I'm disgusting too?"

He holds your face up to his with a grip on your chin. You give in. "I don't care." He smiles at this and dips his head to connect your lips. You can taste the slight tinge of a past cigarette and coffee. He keeps your face cradled close to his even after the kiss breaks. You find his name falling from your mouth in breathy whispers, "Patri-"

"Edward. Call me Edward."

Edward? Had he given you a fake I.D.? Or perhaps it was his middle name? You're too blissed out to care as a sharp thrust has both you and him sighing out moans. You push away the thoughts of the red flags.

He pushes your head to face something illuminating in the sky above the club's alley. A symbol resembling a bat surrounded by beaming light.

"Things are gonna change soon. None of those pigs in that club will see it coming. But it's time to clean house."

You shutter at his words. He's close. You can tell by the way his thrusts are sloppier and his legs shake into them. His gloved hand has reached between your legs to rub desperate circles around your clit. You can feel your orgasm approaching. "Edward. I want you to come."

His features are falling more and more submissive as his thrust grow erratic. He's chasing his peak desperately, whining out moans, "Yes! Please- please let me come."

You can help but crack a smile as you feel yourself approaching your own end. "Come with me, baby. You can do that for me."

And he does. You're both soaring over the edge, and his whimpers and broken moans are so loud in your ear. His hot breath is hitting your neck and you can feel his cum dripping down your leg. It's the perfect form of overstimulation.

He straightens his body as he tucks himself back into his pants. You pull your soiled panties back up to your hips and face him. He's still breathing in heavy heaves. He had lied to you about his name. He had fucked you like a crazed man in an alley and preached to you about change. Always change. You think back to his words the first couple of nights you met him.The red flags were certainly there, but for some reason you find yourself not caring at all. 

"Come home with me tonight. Stay with me. Since you're done coming around and all."

"Okay."

"Then you can tell me why you lied to me about your name, and the real reason you haven't been around." 

He hesitates before giving in. 

"Okay." 

[the-pen-pot]

Patreon Question Answered

"I wanted to ask if you will ever bring back the Elite tier to your Patreon? Sorry if this is a frequent question you get but I am so super curious!!"

So I got asked this over in an AO3 comment box, and since I'm not meant to talk about Patreon on AO3, I'm answering it here and replying with the link.

At the moment, the higher tiers (That's Alchemist, Blackguard and Elite) are all annual commission tiers with limited slots, and they're all sold out. Alas, I only have so many hours in the day to write. They'll become available again if/when the patrons move down to a different tier. Though I must admit no one is currently showing any sign of that 🤣)

However, I AM introducing another "little commission" tier later this year, which will start off with a few open slots and be open for commissions of 3000 to 5000 words (that's about 6 - 10 sides of A4 - offered three to four times a year - to patrons in that tier.)

If people want to be notified when that tier (called Wayfarer) is going live, I've got a little shortlist, and I'd be happy to give you a heads up so you can try and bag yourself a slot. Just let me know in comments or whatever ♥

[silently-waiting-for-you]

Marvel

Trope: sick peter parker

a first time for everything

“Why are you whispering?” Pepper was asking, and the other noises were receding away behind the creak of a door and click of a lock.

“Because I’m hosting a vigilante super-teen with enhanced hearing this weekend.” He slumped back into the couch cushions. “Or did you forget?”

There was a sharp intake of breath.

“Peter? Oh gosh, what did you—”

“Nothing,” Tony rushed out, scrambling. “He’s fine. The kid’s fine, honey.”

A beat of silence.

“Okay, well, he’s not fine, but—”

“Tony Stark—”

. . . . .

but i'm not sick

Sick!Peter Trope - Tony gets stuck with a cold-ridden teenager who insists he's fine.

. . . . .

dad level: 3000

Peter comes down with the flu while visiting the Stark family (and Happy) at the lake house during his spring break from MIT. Thankfully, Tony has been spending the last five years honing his Dad Skills™. He's got this.

. . . . .

i could hold you for a million years

''I feel…really gross, Mister Stark,'' Peter moans, tilting into Tony’s hold and burying his face in Tony’s neck.

''I know, kid,'' Tony replies, wincing again at the heat of Peter's skin. Part of him is rebelling against the situation, lurching up with rancid familiarity to tell him to step away, to get out –

But then Peter sighs miserably against him, and all that Tony feels then is the need to make it better.

. . . . .

i used to walk on air (i used to never feel like i do now)

“Tell me the truth, Tony. Do I need to come back?”

“We’re fine, May.” Tony assured her. “I’ve got Banner whipping up some fever reducer and I’m about to make him try and eat something as soon as I hang up with you. You forget, Ms. Parker, I recently handled my flu ridden very spirited four-year-old daughter. Peter’s a piece of cake compared to that little monster.”

“Don’t talk about my niece like that.” May scolded with no heat behind it. “She’s an angel and don’t you forget it.”

. . . . .

karmaitis

“I’m sorry, Pep, but what am I supposed to do?” Tony says, and Peter can hear the distress in his voice. “The kid’s practically coughing up a lung, and FRI says he’s running a fever—I can’t leave him alone like this.”

Peter pushes himself up from where he’s currently sprawled out on the living room sofa, his arms trembling from the effort. “No, no M’s’r Stark…” he rasps, “you can go. I’ll be fi—” he cuts himself off by hunching forward to hack out a few more horrible-sounding coughs.

Or: Peter fakes sick to help Tony get out of going to an important event, but then later ends up actually sick. His mentor is a bit slow on the uptake.

. . . . .

monster mash

The Stark family gets invited to a Halloween party at the Compound, only Peter fails to mention that he’s sick.

[glendover]

Ooo I totally get the lineart thing!!

The most important part I've noticed is line weight.

The easy version of this is when you line your work be mindful of where you want to place shadows later and thicken those lines either with pressure sensitivity but that's quite hard at first (I still struggle after so many years) so I typically just go over them again to thicken them up just a bit. Then parts you want to stand out should also be slightly thicker, along with possibly the outside of the person/ object you're drawing. Where lines meet, so for example where the neck meets the jawline I thicken the corner up slightly too towards the inside of the person.

It's hard to explain in words ah

Also be mindful of how many details you add, meaning, if you have to zoom in suuuuuper far an add a bunch of little things with a tiny brush things can end up a bit cluttered and in return make parts where there isn't that level of detail look flat and unfinished, so be sure to zoom out a lot or keep a little reference window (under canvas in settings for procreate i think)

Something that I do for personal art a lot too is just skip the lineart and simply clean up my sketch and essentially turn it into lineart!

Another tip is to make use of the liquify tool! It's my savior and one of my fav features tbh, especially with lineart.

The blurriness could just come down to how big your canvas is. I have a past in graphic design so I'm quite familiar with it but I totally understand how the technicalities could get confusing. I usually just stick to either a 3000 x 3000 px canvas or 3000×4000 px for personal sketches and somewhere around A4 or A3 for work related things and then export in either jpg or png. It's good that you're using 300 dpi though!

Sometimes different apps mess with it too, so depending on where you post/ transfer stuff that could be the reason for the blurriness.

With layers just stick to the basics at first, my layer sandwich normally looks like this:

Lineart

Shading on a clipping mask layer (with multiply on)

Flat colors

Sketch (normally hidden)

But the biggest tip I can give is to just have fun. In the end the art is for you and it should be a fun progress, everything else comes along eventually :>

- art anon

hey art anon,

sorry for the late reply I was studying 😭

Thank you for all the tips I will definitely try them out and see how they work. I haven’t drawn much recently (bc of the studying) but I think for now I will stick to just cleaning up my sketches and go from there. It’s all a lot to process honestly and I’m just giving myself some time to try things out and see how they work.

Eventually I will get better but I’m not pressure myself rn (and I can always go back to traditional drawing which I haven’t perfect either but at least I know how that works for me personally)

[youre-a-total--poser]

Beautiful Mistakes (Requests)

Warning: Cheating, Divorce anymore let me know

Age:11 and 16

Word Count: 4,207

Requests: Closed

Summary: your dad Tony was away on a business trip and Natasha make a drunken mistake and slept with Steve and ended up pregnant.

Requested by: Wattpad User

A/N: A big thank you to this amazing human @griffin-girl-r for helping me out with this request and writing most of it. You’re probably sick of hearing me for the amount of times that I’ve thanked you for writing this

---------⧗---------

You are the daughter of Natasha Romanoff and Tony Stark. What started as a drunken one night stand suddenly turned into something more for them.

When Natasha found out she was pregnant she was excited she had always wanted a child to call her own. She was also expecting Tony to want nothing to do with the baby but when he found out he promised that he would help out with whatever she needed.

---------⧗---------

Nine months went by surprisingly quickly for Natasha and when you were born the first time that your mom held you in her arms she promised you that she would keep you safe no matter what.

As you grew so did the relationship between Natasha and Tony. Not long after your 9th birthday, Tony proposed to Natasha and they got married the next summer.

---------⧗---------

2 Years Later It was a week till your 11th birthday and you were sitting in the lab with your dad writing out your birthday party plan and what presents you wanted while waiting on your mom to come back from a debriefing.

"So what have you got so far?" Tony asked whilst fixing his suit as it got damaged during the last mission.

"A bouncy castle"

"Done."

"A new art set."

"We can get that for you."

"Aunt Yelena to come."

"You'll have to ask mommy."

"And a cat."

"Absolutely not try again next year."

"But I have been asking for one for the past 6 birthdays."

"Exactly then maybe next year you will already know the answer and save yourself from another year of disappointment. What else is on there?"

You were about to respond to your dad's question just as your mom walked in.

"Hi, baby," Nat kissed the back of your head.

"Hi, mama,"

"Aunt Yelena is coming," Nat said pointing at your list.

"Yes!" You exclaimed.

You knew that, like always, it was going to be the best party ever, especially since your dad was the one organizing it and he always knew how to throw the best parties.

---------⧗---------

It was the night before your birthday and your parents were putting you to bed.

"Sweetie I have got some bad news," Tony said

"What is it, daddy?" You asked

"I won't be able to make it to your party I have to leave for a business trip it all happened at the last minute and I can't get out of it."

"It's okay I understand." A few tears had escaped your eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N/N," Tony picked you up and put you on his lap.

"I have to leave just before lunch but mommy is going to call me so I can see you opening all your presents okay?"

You nodded your head then Natasha wiped away your tears.

"Right, missy, sleep time," Tony said lifting you off his lap and placing you on your bed.

Natasha pulled back the covers and you got inside.

"I love you tons," Tony kissed your head

"I love you, baby," Nat then she also kissed your head.

"I love you both 3000." You replied.

"Wow, 3000? that's crazy." Tony said as he turned on your nightlight.

"Go to sleep or I'll sell all your toys." He called out as he and your mom walked out of your room.

You started giggling at his comment.

---------⧗---------

It was your birthday, you had started the day with Wanda making you your favourite breakfast, then dressed in the new clothes that your mom had bought for you and then the time for Tony to leave arrived.

You were standing outside the compound with your mom saying your goodbyes to your dad.

"Don't let me not being here ruin your party. Have as much fun as you can and I promise that I will make it up to you as soon as I come home okay?" Tony told you, crouching down to your level

"I will daddy." You two hugged, then he kissed you on your cheek and let you go so he could say bye to your mom.

You and your mom stayed outside till you couldn't see the QuinJet anymore and she put her arm around you and led you into the compound.

"I know who can cheer you up," Natasha said.

"Who?"

"Aunt Yelena. She should be here in five minutes"

---------⧗---------

It was now time for your party and there were so many people there. Everyone came to the party, including your mom's family and Peter, your best friend since kindergarten.

---------⧗---------

You had the best party ever. You got all the presents that you wanted all except a cat but there was always next year. You were determined that your parents were going to cave and let you get a cat.

It was coming up for 10 pm and all the kids had already left and you were starting to get tired. You walked over to your mom and leaned against her.

"You tired, baby?" Nat asked rubbing your back.

You nodded your head in response.

"Alright, then let's get you to bed. Do you want to walk or do you want to be carried?"

"I'm 11 now mom I don't need to be carried." You said standing upright so you weren't leaning against her anymore, but you gave it a second thought and chose to be carried Natasha was more than happy to do so.

"Did you have a good party?" Natasha asked as she sat beside you on the bed and put her arm around you.

"I did but it's too bad that daddy couldn't be here."

"I know, baby, but daddy will be home soon."

"Yeah, I know." You said whilst yawning.

"Get some sleep, baby. I love you."

"I love you more mama."

"Not possible." Nat leaned down and kissed your head. Nat turned on your nightlight and left your room keeping the door open just a crack and headed back to the party.

The party was now for the adults to enjoy since all kids went home the alcohol was now available. Natasha only planned on having a drink or two so that she could stay alert in case anything were to happen but things took a different turn

---------⧗---------

You had woken up from a strange dream. Looking at the clock, you saw it was 4:37 am. You knew that your mom would be getting up soon so you went to her room for some cuddles.

You quietly opened her door and crept inside her room. You got closer to the bed and she was still asleep and you saw someone was sleeping next to her.

At first, you thought that it was your dad but as you got closer it wasn't your dad at all it was Steve. You quietly crept back out of your mom's room and back to your own, not suspecting why Steve was sleeping with your mom.

---------⧗---------

Your dad was gone for a lot longer than you had originally expected but he had just started a new business in Miami and he was also designing a getaway house there so you three can spend vacations there.

He always facetimed you and your mom to show you both parts of the house so he could get your input on how he could make your room just right. But every time he called your mom always made an excuse to not talk to him.

---------⧗---------

Tony had returned 3 months later.

"When did you get so tall, stop growing you're almost as tall as me" he put his hand on your head and measured you compared to him after he hugged you.

"I'm not that tall."

"Hey, where is mama I'm planning on taking you both out for dinner," Tony asked

"She's upstairs she hasn't been feeling great lately." You told him "

Why don't you go up and get ready."

You ran over to Wanda and asked her if she can help you pick out what to wear.

Tony found Natasha throwing upstairs and he tried his best to help her and comfort her.

"I think I just ate something bad." Was Natasha's answer at Tony's concerned questions

Tony just took you out for dinner since Nat wasn't feeling up to it so you both ended up having a daddy-daughter date.

---------⧗---------

Over the next few weeks, Tony had noticed that Natasha was acting different similar to how she was when she was pregnant. She was rarely going on missions, not doing much training, constantly throwing up.

Since you were at school and everyone was either off doing missions or doing their own things Tony thought now was a better time than ever to talk to Natasha about what is going on. After having the courage to ask her about the possibility of Nat being pregnant, she finally confessed only a part of the truth.

"I think I might be," Natasha whispered

Natasha knew that he would find out sooner or later so it was best just to tell him now but the only problem was she knew that the baby wasn't Tony's it was Steve's but she just didn't know how to tell him. She wasn't wanting to ruin her marriage, especially over a drunken mistake but she knew that he would find out eventually.

Later that week Tony took Natasha to the hospital just to confirm that she was actually pregnant.

"Congratulations, you're pregnant." The doctor told them reading the test results." Please follow me, I would like to do a scan so we could listen to the heartbeat."

That made Tony suspicious. Natasha is supposed to be only a few weeks pregnant, there couldn't be a way for the heartbeat to be heard so early.

They did listen to the baby's heartbeat and that made Tony want to talk to you and see if you have seen anything happening to Natasha while he was gone.

---------⧗---------

"Hey, big girl! Can we talk?" Tony asked after he opened your bedroom door.

"Sure, daddy." You nodded

"Y/N, I just wanted to ask you if have you noticed your mom acting differently around any men recently?" Tony sighed, sitting on your bed

"I don’t think so. Why?" You shrugged.

"Oh, it's nothing. Don't worry. Daddy was just curious." He said heading to the door

"But she was sharing a bed with Steve the night after my party." You found yourself saying The secret you were keeping was too heavy for you to carry and you just confessed all you saw to your dad.

"Honey, are you sure?" You nod your head not so sure of your answer anymore.

"That’s great. Thanks, honey." And with that Tony stormed out of the room leaving you alone with your guilty thoughts. Maybe you shouldn't have said that.

---------⧗---------

Tony confronted Natasha that night and she confessed everything.

The next morning, Natasha woke up to you and your father was gone. Only a note left behind from Tony saying that he will fill for divorce and that he had taken you with him and your mom will never see you again for what she had done.

"NO!" Natasha yelled threw her sobs as she threw the piece of paper angrily

Not only this mistake had made her lose her marriage but also her child.

---------⧗---------

Time went by really fast for Tony since he divorced Natasha, won the custody process and moved with you to another state from where he could run his businesses.

Time went by really slow for Natasha, every second killing her. The guilt she felt for what she did to Tony, the pain of not having you by her side, the regret of not being able to hold her both babies in her arms at the same time.

But for you, the time just passed. Not slow, not fast. Just five years that went by. You love your dad so much. He took care of you alone for the last five years, protected you, provided for you and you were really grateful for everything he is doing for you. But you also miss your mom. Being now at the age where you could understand what happened all these years ago, you felt anger towards your mom.

The thought that she has cheated on your father, even by accident, was infuriating you. When you are alone at night you crave for her cuddles and 'good night' kisses or her soft voice and her smile.

---------⧗---------

Tony never wanted to go back to New York, let aside live again with Natasha under the same roof, but one call from Fury change it all.

Fury needed all the Avengers in one place for a really big mission and left no room for 'no' as an answer when he called Tony and told him about it. This was it. The first time you and Tony were going to see Natasha after 5 years.

The journey to the compound was much quicker than you hoped you started getting more nervous the closer that the QuinJet got.

You were playing games on your phone to help keep your mind occupied but it wasn't helping.

You turned your phone off but it instantly turned on when you got a text message from Peter. You stared at your lock screen background at the ginger cat.

"Dad, are you sure that Brenda is going to properly look after Mittens?"

"I'm sure that mittens will be perfectly fine with Brenda."

---------⧗---------

Awkward is an understatement when it comes to describing the reunion. Natasha was already waiting for you when you stepped inside the compound, looking around to see if something was changed. Surprisingly, the compound hasn't changed a bit in those 5 years.

Tony chose to ignore Natasha, passing by her without even spearing a glance to her side. Not to mention that he kept doing that for the rest of the time. In the meeting room, at the dinner table, during the mission... Steve acting like a ghost.

You couldn't stop yourself from staring at your mom. As always, the only thing different about her, it's her hair. Other than that, no change. But something caught your eye. A little girl attached to Natasha's leg who had the same emerald green eyes as you and your mom have.

"Y/N..." Natasha said, a few tears escaping her eyes "You've grown up so much..."

"No! She would have remained 11 forever just for you, Romanoff," Tony shouted from the other room

That was a good start. Natasha reached forward, trying to hug you, but you took a step backwards indicating to her that you don't want her to hug now.

Natasha nodded with a sad but understanding face.

"You-You're Y/N?" The little girl asked from behind Natasha

"In the flesh..."

In a blink of an eye, the small girl let go of Natasha's legs and hugged yours. You awkwardly stood around, not understanding what was going on.

"Mommy talks all the time about you. She tells me stories about you every night." The little girl said excitedly

"Mommy?" You whispered Then something in your head clicked. This is not just some random kid, but your little sister. Well... half-sister.

"What's your name?" You asked the girl, as you felt a sudden need to protect her

"Alina. Alina Romanoff-Rogers." She smiled

"Y/N. Y/N Romanoff-Stark." You smiled back

"I know silly." Alina giggled" Mommy says your name all the time." You eyed your mom for a second, then turned back to your sister.

"She does?" You asked

"All the time." The girl rolled her eyes playfully

---------⧗---------

For the past few weeks, everything seemed to happen in a loop. You were seeing Peter, your best friend, more and more since you came back. You hadn't actually stopped seeing him, but because you were in another state, you were seeing him once in a while. Now you see him daily.

You got more and more close to Alina. The sister bond between the two of you grew with each day.

You had to get along with Natasha even though you didn't exactly want to because Alina always insisted on the fact that both of you had to play with her and none of you could say no to her puppy eyes.

Natasha always tried to make small talk with you and apologise for what she did. Tony and Natasha were having small arguments but no big fight to everyone's surprise. And you were happy with just that. Also, even he tried to hide it, you saw your father have small play dates with Alina.

---------⧗---------

You were scrolling through your phone, sitting on the couch in the living room, alone. Tony had some paperwork to do and Natasha was putting Alina to sleep for her afternoon nap.

"Can we talk?" Natasha's voice made you lift your head from your phone

"Do we have to?" You asked trying to leave

"I don't really want to..." Natasha grabbed your hand and made you stop.

"Please. Let me explain. I know I hurt you and your dad. And I'm so sorry about that. I did a mistake and I regret it..." Natasha tried to explain herself

"A mistake? This is what Alina is for you?" You asked hurt, ignoring your anger about the fact that your father was her main victim "I bet you think the same way about me! Don't you?"

Natasha stood still for a moment, then she locked eyes with you and softly talked to you.

"Maybe. But you and your sister are the most beautiful mistakes I have ever done in my life. Especially you, Y/N. You are my firstborn, my first baby girl. You made me a mom and gave me reasons to live when I had none. The way you and then your sister were conceived means nothing to me. I love you both equally."

Tears formed in your eyes before Natasha got the chance to say something more. Tony followed by Peter entered the living room, having a small talk about Peter's suit. You took this chance and bolted upright and out of the room as fast as you could, passing by a confused Tony and Peter.

"Honey?" Tony called you

"Y/N/N?" Peter also shouted after you Realisation of what might have happened washed over Tony when his eyes landed on Natasha.

"You-" Tony said threw grinned teeth

"I have to find Y/N." Natasha tried to get out

"Don't you dare go after her, after all, you had done to us and to her." Tony also tried to get out only to be stopped by Peter

"Mr Stark stop. Miss Romanoff... I'll go after her. I know exactly where she is..." And with that Peter ran after you, leaving behind a worried and angry Tony and an even more worried and scared Natasha.

You silently cried with your head in between your knees when you suddenly felt a hand on your shoulder. Lifting your head, you found Peter smiling sympathetically at you.

"Hey..." He whispered as he sat next to you" Why did you run off?"

Looking him in the eyes, you reached forward and hugged him, crying on his shoulder. Peter patiently waited for you to let it all out and tell him what do you feel.

"I-I can't forgive her, Peter. I don't want to. After everything that she had done to dad, I can't forgive her."

"I wish I had my mom with me." Peter said while rubbing your back" Aunt May is amazing, you know that I love her so much. But sometimes I just wish to have my mom here. Alive and well..."

"Peter..."

"But I can't. Because she's dead and she won't ever come back." He sighed "But you can, Y/N. You can have your mom by your side and most importantly, she wants to be there."

"Dad..."

"Mr Stark won't get mad at you for wanting to have your mom in your life. He loves you, Y/N. Even if he and Miss Romanoff don't get along anymore, that doesn't mean that he'll stop you from doing so." Peter cut your sentence "Miss Romanoff and Mr Stark love you so much Y/N/N. No matter if your happiness is by one's side or both of them's."

You stayed silent for a moment, thinking about what Peter just told you.

"Also think about Alina. She adores her big sister. Do you really want to give her a bad example?"

You shook your head. You thought about every possibility and when you finally decided what are you going to do a smile appeared on your face.

"Thanks, Pete." And you quickly leaned over and kissed Peter. He was a little surprised at first but was fast in sharing back the kiss. You pulled back, looked at him and then you ran back to the compound, with a smile on your face.

Peter just let himself fall backwards, his back hitting the grass on the hill. He was smiling like a drunk man. He loves you ever since he saw you for the first time in kindergarten, but all this time was afraid to tell you in case you didn't feel the same for him. How wrong he was.

---------⧗---------

"You said you won't hurt her again! And look now! That's exactly what have you done!" Tony yelled from across the room

"I did nothing!" Natasha shouted back, on the verge of crying from the other side of the room

"If you hadn't cheated on me, none of this would have happened!"

The argument between your parents was stopped when you entered the room, trying to catch your breath from running. Both Natasha and Tony reached for you but Tony was faster and wrapped his arms around you, stopping Natasha from coming any closer.

"Don't!" Tony threatened You looked at your dad, then at your mom trying to guess what they were thinking at that moment.

"Dad, look-"

"No honey. We are leaving right now so you don't have to see this woman anymore." Tony cut your sentence by grabbing your hand and he started to head towards the exit

"DAD!" You stopped, pulling your hand from his Tony looked at you, shock written all over his face.

"Can I talk with her? Alone?" You asked him hopefully

"But-" Tony started

"Please..." Tony nodded and got out of the room, not before sending one last glare towards your mom.

Turning your head towards the redhead, you saw Natasha with tears and hope in her eyes.

"Are you finally ready to listen to me?" Nat took a step forward

"No." You said and your mom's face changed

"You will listen to me this time." You sighted.

"I don't forgive you. Not yet. What you have done to dad all those years ago is still hurting me. But Peter made me realize that I should try and give you a second chance." You said not looking Natasha in the eyes

"Look... I can't promise that this will work out or that things won't be awkward between us anymore. I just want to set a good example for Alina and be the best older sister for her. I-I love her..."

Natasha's breath stopped for a second. She couldn't believe her ears. This was happening you were giving her a chance to repair the damage she did to you. She already knows that Tony won't ever forgive her. She will never be able to forgive herself but knowing that you, her baby girl, were ready to offer her a chance, made Natasha want to fight with all her strength to win you back.

Your love for your little sister, made Natasha's heart burst with happiness. You were still looking at the floor when Natasha suddenly hugged you and you felt a few tears falling on your hair.

"Thank you, baby..." Natasha whispered" I promise you that you won't regret it. This time I won't fail you."

Without thinking, you hugged Natasha back, burying your face in the crook of her neck. Just like you used to do when you were a child.

"I want mama and sister hugs too..." A small high pitched voice made you break the hug Turning your head to the sound, you found Alina pouting while looking at you and your mom hugging

"Then come here little bug." You lifted Alina in your arms and she snuggled closer to you, wrapping her hands around your neck Natasha also wrapped her arm shyly around both of you, pulling the two of you closer to her chest. Sure, maybe you hadn't forgiven your mom yet and the situation between you two was uncomfortable but you knew that she will try her best to change this.

You also knew that Tony loved you 3000 and he will make sure that no one was going to hurt you in any way. You had your cute little sister that, with time, will become your little shadow. And you had Peter, your childhood best friend. But most importantly, your sweet and caring boyfriend.

Maybe your life isn't the one you had imagined and your family isn't as perfect as you wanted it to be, but maybe your mom is right. Some mistakes really are beautiful.

[reidsaurora]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to your favorite writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💜

omg, idk how long this has been sitting in my box but i am so sorry that i'm just now answering it 💀

8. (honorable mention) I'm not necessarily counting this one since it's supposed to be a 12 part series, but Soon You'll Get Better will always have my heart. Even though I haven't finished writing it and I didn't finish posting it, it's genuinely one of the things I'm proudest about.

7. (honorable mention) I never posted this one on here because I wanted to post it during the Christmas season, but it's a Dean Winchester fic called All I Want For Christmas Is You. It's very emmy-core, there's a lot of me easter eggs in it. But yeah, who knows? Maybe I'll end up posting it later this year.

6. (honorable mention) Once I started collecting links, I had a VERY hard time deciding which ones should be my top five. Even now, I'm having a hard time deciding what order to list them in. But I think my last honorable mention will go to Holiday In Handcuffs. This imagine, in my opinion, is so cute and wholesome. And while the writing skills were very much lacking, it's still really cute and I enjoy re-reading her a lot.

and now... onto the real list 🙂

5. If Loving You Is Wrong. I remember when I first wrote this imagine, I thought it was the most awful thing I'd ever written. I thought nobody was gonna read it, much less like it. But my readers thoroughly surprised me with their feedback of how much they loved it, so I did what any author would do: I went back and read it for myself to see what was so special about it. And... I ended up falling in love with it.

4. Never. Another one I didn't realize I liked so much!! The writing style is actually beautiful in my opinion and the plot is just 🤌🏻✨️ Anyway yeah, I like this one a lot more than I thought I did.

3. Memory. Yet another one I remember being lowkey embarrassed to post because I thought it was awful and now I love it. I love the style of it being half flashbacks and half current-time. I love that the reader has all these cool, badass superpowers. Anyway yeah, def check this one out if you guys haven't yet!

2. A Mystery. This is one of those fics that I am genuinely so proud of and no matter if had 30 notes or 3000 notes, I was still gonna be proud of it. I wrote this one IN A DAY AND WHILE I WAS ON THE GO. I strive to be the author I was in February, she was so freaking awesome and such a freaking trooper.

1. Maybe I'm Falling For You. Y'all, I cannot express how much I love this fic. The aesthetics, Garceid's beautiful friendship, Spencer being sweet and caring and a good listener to this girl he's never even properly met. Like, it's just an all around beautiful imagine and it's one of those fics that I read and I'm like "holy crap, I can't believe I of all people wrote something like this."

thank you so much for the tag, grecy!! this sorta inspired me to go back and re-read a lot of my old works and it helped me remember that i do still have a portion of that spark for writing that i thought i'd lost. thank you 🤍

[kuroosweakness]

I just was saw your PowerPoint presentation of kuroo and I was literally crying sobbing smiling when I looked through the 30+ pages😭😭😭

And you literally dont know how much I love this man like love LOVE LOVE 3000

I think I told you before but that Kuroo has a big sis, introvert friend, being born in November, living with dad because divorce parents :") made me feel in love with him so fucking much that I could cry that he sint real ALSO EXCUSE ME I HAVE QUESTIONs TO YOUR PRESENTATION 🤚

I dont know if I'm stupid but where does is say that kuroo is in prep college class kaksosndjsjs WHY IS HE SO SMART ?? Pls I need him so bad right now i struggle with school at the moment, I even struggle to write' beautiful' so or I vee forgot the word 'airport' when I had my english speakingexam 😭

Also that he helped daishou with the " idiot, you are the only one that I love" made me go brrrriajdjand crying in 5 languages

In my eyes he is all smooth and all but when he is in his first relationship ( and that's with you hehe )whatch him being blushy and all sob he could literally cry when you call him 'babe's for the first time becaus wow it's his first experience that somebody calls him with a pet name :o

AND WHERE CAN I HEAR THE CD??? I never heard from the one where he support Kenma with his heair but he would 100% do the same for you. I sometimes dont know if I look good, if my outfit match or my hair etc but he would hype the shit out of you and as you did, he would also do a presentation why he LOVES YOU ;)

Anyway it 11 pm and I actually wanted to go on a morning run and that little kuroo woke up at 5 am just t go jogging motivates me BECAUSE A LITTLE ASS KID DOES MORE SPORT THAN ME AND IM 19 HELP

Also I have a fucking cute husband kuroo scenario and I will share it with you tomorrow because I saw a tiktok of it and I thought thsi could be 100% kuroo

🔮

HII AAH THANK YOU FOR CHECKING OUT MY PRESENTATION HAHA

i promise to reply to the rest of this later (i need to get back to studying, but i didn't want to leave you hanging :')

dec. 24th - hi okay i have to apologize about the fact i forgot about my promise for a quick second :’ 

YES tysm for loving my presentation, i put in a lot of effort :)) 

OH- now that i think about it, kuroo taking college prep classes is actually not canon...i’ve seen a lot of writers and artists in the haikyuu fandom say that he is, so i thought he is too...but after watching the anime and reading the manga, i don’t think furudate stated that he really is college prep classes, sorry about the confusion :’) nevertheless, he’s still very smart!!! :) 

aaah don’t feel bad about your english!!! even as a english speaker, i have to say it’s a very difficult language to learn....i learned when to use a/an like...just 2 years ago lmaoo 

YES!! he’d have such a soft spot for pet names :’(( 

haikyuu nekoma cd: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtwJ8djSD8E&t=317s 

awww yes pls share the husband kuroo content :3 

[guigz1-coldwar]

'Panic': New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

'Panic'

"Jess Blackwell...but call me 'Bell', it's...nice to meet you, miss Park!"

Chapter Summary: Yirina is still struggling with her mental breakdown, staying hidden in Zasha's apartment, wanting to be better...she just want that...but why everything must be bad for her?

Link of the Picrew used !

To read it on AO3, click here!

Words : +3000

Taglist : @snowgoldwaylon , @clxudtea , @efingart

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

July 6th, despite my attempts to get over my mental breakdown, the memory I got back with Freya yesterday didn't really help me at all, seeming that the memories I was recovering were mainly focused on hurting me deep inside of me, slowly taking apart what I'm trying to rebuild: my very life...my memories were coming back but some could make me appeased, some would take that role to destroy me, giving me revelations that I never thought to have but I couldn't fight that fact, they were coming back...but at what price? My sanity? My reason to fight?

The morning when I woke up, I was hoping to find Park on the side of the bed, dressing up in her clothes and giving me a beautiful sight to admire but when my eyes went open on the bed, looking in the direction she was always, she wasn't here at all...she wasn't here. That...it caused me to redress myself on the bed, panicked to that fact, the first time that I woke up alone...since I was in that cell...my arms were like shaking, trying to stop them with my hands, my state not well at all...

"Park?" I tried to call her out, looking around the room even if she wasn't here, gathering the strength I was having at the moment to get up from the bed. "Park?" I repeated, trying to catch my breath before starting to walk towards the door.

Even if I was awake, my vision wasn't actually recovering my sleep, seeing some things around the room blurred, including at some moments my own hands, impossible to look at them perfectly. It was like...something bad was kicking off back inside of me...as someone injected me a needle in the eyes, both at the same time and it prompted me to stop myself near the door as I was having my hands on the handle, blinking a lot with them.

It was slowly reestablishing itself but it wasn't perfect and even with that, I couldn't stay too much on my bare feet, half-dressed with nothing covering my legs and...I decided to open the door of the room to leave it and then, slowly walking inside the hallway of the apartment, linking almost every room of the place, crossing through a few pictures of Zasha, Portnova, Dedov...and me...

"Park?" I spoke up, walking in the direction of the living room, almost shouting out her name widely around, my walk looking like a brainless woman, dragging my bare feet on the ground. "Park?" I asked again, soon entering the living room, wanting to cry as my words weren't answered.

"Yirina," Someone talked in the room, it was Zasha's voice that was sitting on their chair near the diner table, getting up from it to approach. "Yirina, you're alright?" They questioned me, in front of me.

"Where's Park? Where is she?" I demanded, my panic coming back in my voice.

"Hey, calm down, calm down," They advised me, my head feeling dizzy, looking down on the ground as they put their hands on my wrists. "Come and have a seat," They said, making me move to get sit on my own chair at the dinner seat. "Here, slowly..." They guided me to sit down., keeping their hands on me as I was almost unresponsive in my moves.

"Thanks...thanks..." I breathed, my eyes narrowing as I could see with the part of my sight, Zasha going to sit next to me on the chair nearby. "Zed...where's Park?" I asked them.

"Wait, take deep breaths and stay calm above all," They suggested, moving along with their chair to stay near me, putting their hands above my heart and my neck, checking my pulse. "Shit, your heartbeat is very high," They commented, sounding astonished & worried.

"What's..." I was going to ask them what was wrong but I stopped myself, preferring to follow their advice to stay calm, feeling my heartbeat going faster than normal.

"Should calm you a bit," Zasha then moved their hands on the back of my own hands, starting to caressing it in a gentle & friendly way and it was seeming to work, their feeling starting to slow down my heartbeat. "It should be okay, how do you feel?" They questioned me, still caressing my hands in case.

"I'm...I'm better, I think," I told them, my heartbeat not beating like a jackhammer in my chest anymore but my vision wasn't the perfect thing now, still recovering very slowly. "Zed...where is...where is Park?"

"Park? She's not here," They replied to me, making me snort, already sensing a tear going to come out of my eyes. "I'm sorry but...she got to go to Century House in an emergency, it was looking like a big problem," They added, removing their hands from me.

"A problem? What kind of problem?" I asked, taking a breath to look in front of me, seeing an empty white plate with a pack of bread and a strawberry ham near it, making me hungry.

"I don't know, she didn't tell me and she wasn't told about it," They responded, raising their shoulders before they sense that I was going to grab the pack of bread, looking at me extend my right arm in its direction. "Wait, let me help," They proposed, not asking if it was okay for me, taking out of the pack two slices of bread before putting them next to the plate along with the jam that they opened for me.

"And Portnova?" I demanded, not having seen or heard her.

"She volunteered to go with Park earlier this morning as I decided to stay here to wait for you to wake up and see how you were," They revealed to me, my right hand struggling to actually grab up the knife that was near the empty plate as Zasha was looking at me.

"I'm okay, don't worry," I whispered, trying to reassuring them in a low voice as I was grabbing the knife in my hand to pass it inside the jam to put some strawberry on the bread, staying slow in moves. "I'm okay..." I repeated, putting the knife aside before slowly opening my mouth to eat a part of the bread with jam on it, the only thing that was nice in her if we didn't count my state.

"Yirina, you're still facing that breakdown...it's..." Zasha wanted to continue in their words before they stopped themself.

"I know, it's hard," I commented, putting my left arm on the table while holding the bread in my right hand. "Each night & day are the same things: going up, eat alone in the day, watching TV, take a rest, eat with you all, go to sleep with Park, and then, repeat," I resumed basically how my days were now to them.

"I'm sorry about this, we should be with you instead of going to work," They apologized to me, giving me a little smile on my face despite that I was still not well inside of me.

"Yes but...someone has to continue the fight, isn't that true?" I admitted, taking another bite of the bread. "I'm not in the shape to fight but you three are, not me," I continued, lamenting myself.

"But without you, it's...weird...not normal," Zasha avowed, looking at their hands. "Last day, I...stepped inside Park's office and...she was crying, I couldn't talk to her, she's...suffering..." They added, feeling bad in their voice and hearing that...it caused a tear to come out, the first one of the day.

"It's painful for me to hear that, it's not helping," I stated as I was no longer hungry to eat that bread in my hands, putting it back on the plate after eating half of it. "My life is only just a damn lie, the truth trying to show up but it can't," I snorted, passing my hand below my nose before looking at Zasha. "You're here for me, you, Park & Portnova, the only things that weren't a lie before everything,"

"I'm sorry, Yirina," They said, looking down at their feet. "We want you to be better, it's painful for us by a lot, I didn't see you like since a long time," They exclaimed.

"Really?" I looked at them with curiosity.

"Yeah but...I don't think that's a good idea to tell you that now," Zasha gently refused to tell me more even if it could help me to know more about me. "No, I can't tell you, I'm sorry,"  They insisted, having seen my face that wanted to know.

"Presuming that it's bad?" They sadly nodded at my sentence I said, causing me to sigh sadly away. "Resuming my whole fucking life: bad," I sighed for good, shaking my head. "Shot, brainwashed, shot again, having a coma, waking up 3 there years later, not the life I wanted but no choice to do it," I recalled, literally saying what brought me to live again now. "Was I even agreed to get out of it?"

"Yes, because you didn't deserve it at all," They replied, a little smile on their face, moving their right hand on the top of my right one too. "No one wanted this but by the odds, you came back to fulfill your promises, to honor them,"

"I'm doing it because this is what's my life now, protecting my friends & love from any dangers," I asserted, trying to sound positive to me, feeling some pain inside of my chest, causing me to get my left hand above it along with where the pain was. "And of course, I took the risk to rediscover how I was before I was left for dead for the first time," I continued.

"It must be hard for you, I'm sorry..." They apologized again before they decided to get up from their chair.

"It isn't something I don't want you to face, you don't want to see each day your life coming back, discovering with who you were friends with, who was your lover, how your life as a lie & went to shit, you don't want that," I claimed and they nodded at me, understanding that I couldn't let them face that situation in my life...no one can hurt them like that.

"No one wants to face that, no one," They muttered, checking up their hands before moving to grab the black jacket from their chair.

"You're leaving now?" I asked them.

"Yeah...I'm...I'm sorry but I would have like to stay here with you but I'm needed too," They responded to me, putting on their jacket.

"It's okay, I know what to do," I reassured them with a grin before they moved to grab their keys on the table near their empty plate. "I should be fine,"

"Fine," They whispered, walking towards the front door to unlock it. "If you need anything, call us, we'll come quickly," They reminded me about it and I nodded, the phone was just behind me near the main couch of the living room.

"Of course, I will," I muttered as Zasha opened the door widely, avoiding Beans that was going to get out, taking them in their arms.

"Hey, you stay here, can't take you at work, you know that," Zasha said, talking to Beans and holding her like a baby as I slowly got up from my chair, staying carefully to approach them. "Here, go with Yirina," Zasha then gently gave me Beans in my arms, now holding her.

"Don't worry, I'm taking care of her...or taking care of me," I scoffed in a funny tone, even surprising me.

"Okay, later, Yirina, take care & stay safe," Zasha waved at me, using my hands briefly to wave at them too before they closed the door after stepping out of the apartment, hearing the lock through the door, locking it.

I was now alone, ready to get myself into another day of loneliness inside the apartment, having Beans to accompany me in my loneliness despite that she couldn't talk, only hearing me telling her my problems, responding by little meows to me. I let her free softly on the ground before starting my day, going to clean up the diner table of the food that was still on it and the plates, gathering everything to put it back in the kitchen.

Once I was finished cleaning up the dishes, still having Beans around my feet with her meow, checking if she was good in terms of food & water, and filling her bowl for water after I found out that she was missing some, I decided to go inside our bedroom, wanting to get myself changed but that idea, I gave it up rapidly once I was inside the room, knowing that I wasn't going to get outside for a long time...badly...

I was going to leave the room until someone caught my attention on the nightstand of Park's side of the bed, looking like a little note that I wasn't able to see when I woke up this morning, prompting me to look at it and discovering what was marked on it: -Sorry to leave earlier, I was called by the MI6, got a problem to deal with, I'll try to call you today, be well & stay safe, love...- Park

That note was giving me a bit of comfort despite what was happening with her, she was making sure to inform me of why she wasn't going to be there when I will wake up, I shouldn't have panicked like that but...my head was still struggling to regain consciousness of the bloody situation. I then put back the note where it was before heading out of the room to get myself on the main couch of the living room.

There, instead of putting it on the TV to watch it, I wasn't really in the mood to actually look at it, causing me to lie down on the couch, crossing my arms, preferring in fact to already go have a big nap for the remainder of the morning before preparing my lunch for noon. As I was peacefully sleeping on the couch, I suddenly woke up at 11 AM by the sound of a phone ringing near me, causing me to take it.

"Yes?" I said, my voice trying to retrieve its energy.

"It's...me, Yiri...Park," It was Park herself through it, making me smile at hearing her voice now.

"Oh...Park, so nice to hear your voice," I commented, redressing myself on the couch to sit back on it perfectly, staying near the phone.

"Yes, me too," She affirmed, sounding low in her voice. "Listen, I'm sorry about this morning, we've got called and I had to leave quickly for Century House," She apologized, meaning it in the tone she was using.

"It's okay, what was the problem?" I asked her curiously after referring that it was good since I saw that note.

"It's...well, we got the news that Lukas Ritter and this I.B are in England, the MI5 spotted them in London but we lost their tracks since," She revealed to me as it was since days that we were all waiting for this to happen. "And another thing is that a part of Zasha's team's important files about Ritter & Petrov disappeared," She added.

"How's that?" I raised an eyebrow, looking at the shutdown TV.

"Apparently, someone managed to get in, steal those files, and got away without been seen, it happened last night," She replied to me.

"Shit," I cursed, putting my left hand on my face. "So, Perseus somehow succeeded to get inside Century House...fuck..." I cursed again, looking down at my bare feet, thinking about it.

"Yeah, that's pretty fucked up but...I shouldn't stress you too much now," She said, talking mostly about herself. "You're not in shape to work and stressing about it...no, I don't want it," She added, sure of herself

"At least, I'm...I'm aware of what happened," I told her, raising my shoulders and having a little grin forming on my face. "Is...is everything alright?" I asked her, remembering what Zasha told me hours ago

"Uhm...yeah, yeah," She responded but deep inside of me, I could sense the lie in her voice, finding it too hard to believe. "Okay...I'm not...I can't be right," She confessed to me, using the real tone she was hiding. "I'm looking at the seat you're using and...shit, I can't stand it to look at it without you on it for days, now," She affirmed, feeling that she was going to cry.

"I'm sorry, Park, I'm sorry," I apologized for my absence, blaming myself for it. "You would like to be with you but now..." I checked up myself before seeing my hands, my left one slowly trembling. "Uhm...Park..." I tried to say it as it was something that was weird and couldn't control, trying to wrap my right hand around it but it wasn't stopping. "Park!"

"What? What's wrong?" She asked me through the phone as my right hand was joining the shaking, my head trying to freak out.

"Come...come...I'm...shit...please..." I ordered before I inadvertently hang up the phone to its place, losing control of my hands.

In a panic, feared, I decided to got up from the couch, needing to join up my bed as I was feeling that I couldn't stay on the couch, trying to struggle to fight what was hurting me inside of my head, my chest hurting me and my heartbeat...starting to go faster like it did earlier this morning, no one able to calm it down as I was slowly walking towards our bedroom, needing to lay down.

Then, I started to hear voices inside my ears but it was impossible to actually recognize them perfectly, all muffled and talking at the same time with everyone...it was impossible to stop them, even my hands covering my ears weren't stopping as I was walking, leaned against the wall to find something to hold me back before I opened the door of the room, the voices becoming clear but still unrecognizable.

'You're one of us'...' You're belonging to us'...' We end the asset'...' You're going back home'...that what I was hearing clearly, trying to remember who tell what but now, I was trying to control myself until one clear voice came in...Stitch's voice, his own voice...in my head, getting louder & louder than the others...until he tells it...inside my head...

"We've got a job to do!" That is what I heard and at this moment, I couldn't resist anymore in my moves, causing me to fall on my back on the bed, starting to convulse on it, impossible to control it, my eyes slowly shutting as the only thing I was seeing in my sight...was Park herself storming in the room...impossible to see how she was...

It was impossible to see her too...and then, my eyes closed...