#I'm not sure if they all realize how much Alex hustles to keep them all on track emotionally

[ohhfarts]

I love how they all go until "WW(other character) D" mode at different points in the series, especially in Nemesis Games, Naomi like WWAD, WWBD, Amos both WWHD and WWND.

alex getting into an amos like stance, puffing out his chest, squaring up his shoulders.. bobbie right away realizing it… “and then, we go fuck some motherfuckers up” fodkdisjsjs incredible fantastic a family 😭💯👌🏻 tfw your older tough brother isn’t there so you gotta try pretend to be him!!

[lambourngb]

1 Hi! I saw the Michael wants a family w/ Alex thread & saw you're maybe planning a fic. First off I am such a fan and feel free to delete this if it in anyway offends bec i I swear it's never my intent. It's your fic and you can 1000% write w/ever you want. I can't figure out how to reply to the thread but I saw someone putting in a request not to shade M for not wanting kids. So I thought maybe it'd be okay to reach out too w/ a concern (i hope I'm not overstepping, if so ignore me please).

2 I get that the idea of including her in the 1st place was from a comment who wanted a fun petty moment (no judgement) but it grew to addressing Michael's passiveness. I just wanted to put it out there that I hope incl. her doesn't come off as if she's the 1st option for this. Given the OG text post, it'd be great if Alex is the 1st person Michael thinks of when thinking about a child. The idea of it being a last resort or that he went to someone else 1st just makes me so anxious and sad.

3 I feel like Alex deserves better & that Michael chooses him because he wants to not bec he has no options so I hope it isn't written like that. The show forcing things is tiring me out and it's making me anxious about things I'm usually pretty chill about. I don't even know if you will write it and I don't mean any harm. I hope you're not mad and I didn't offend & this isn't coming off as whiny or demanding, I was just rly hoping to reach out to voice a concern. Thanks for reading.

Hi Nonnie- first of all, thank you. I’m glad you enjoy my writing! That’s always nice to hear. And second of all, I’m not offended and I completely understand your anxiety about Alex being a second choice here with Michael. I’ve always believed that Maria has been Michael’s second choice in canon. He’s convinced himself that things are too hard with Alex and it’s best to give up. I hate that for Michael because it says a lot of things about his non-existent self esteem and his abandonment issues. Anyway, my “Michael wants a family” story is just a nebulous idea at the moment and is obviously something I won’t dive into until I finish off Last Year’s Wishes. I basically smack my brain with a rolled up newspaper and say “No! focus on the thing you started before you start another!”.

When I am ready to dive in- here’s what I’m thinking and hopefully this helps gauge your future interest in this story- like Last Year’s Wishes, I like to write from one limited point of view. I have only tried briefly to write from Michael’s POV, but I feel like this story has to be told from his and that’s intimidating as hell, haha, especially because I feel a deep connection to Alex.

What we know from canon regarding kids and a family is- Michael wants a family. Other than Isobel leaving the door open for herself in the future, he’s the only one who has definitively said he wants kids. I don’t know how Maria or Alex feels about kids, Maria I think I can guess on (more on that below), but Alex, other than saying that Roswell felt like home for the first time because of Michael (triggering Maria’s iconic line “Home can be a person”) hasn’t said much in the way of marriage and family. The fact he bought or rented a house in Roswell, instead of the cabin - maybe that signals he wants to set down roots? Maybe he just hated the commute from the cabin?

Maria is a little easier for me to make a guess over, and I could be wrong, but she’s been working extremely hard to support herself and her mother for many years. Did she dream about being a singer? Did she ever want to leave Roswell? We don’t know, but she is savvy with money and is constantly looking for opportunities to better her position in life financially. And that financial security is still shakey with her 24/7 hustle. Nursing home care in the US is so costly it could be considered a crime, and with Mimi not being old enough to qualify for social security or medicare, that cost is on Maria’s shoulders. From a young age- Maria’s entire focus on the future was based around the knowledge that she was going to have to take care of her mother. I don’t know if that leaves energy for the idea of taking care of a child. Maria also knew she too would face this neurological disorder at some point and become a burden herself. Now does the bracelet stop her decline? How long does the pollen’s keep things in check? And if she does keep her mind healthy and intact, what sort of thing would she be passing on to a more-than-50 percent alien child?

Again I could be projecting my own feelings here, but I just get the vibe that Maria has a lot of caretaker burnout still and is reaching for things that make her feel good in the moment but is in no hurry to take on another big future responsibility outside of making enough money to survive.

And what does that mean for Michael’s relationship with her? If he wants to have a long-term relationship with Maria, he would have to let go of the idea of kids. Here’s the thing, that Michael himself said, he’s good at giving up. He gave up college, he gave up on hope/people, he gave up on the idea he could have a happy ending with Alex- everywhere you look in canon, you see him holding up empty hands when it comes to things he wants and basically saying “I tried for a bit, it was hard, so I’m done trying” (and personally I think he tried for 10 years with Alex, the longest and most stubborn grab for happiness).

Other people get him to keep pushing past that impulse to give up - Liz when it came to curing Isobel, Liz again when it came to saving Max, and Alex- when it came to looking for some hope in a dark story (Nora and Tripp). So I want Michael to be the one who pushes himself past that impulse. I want him to come face to face with his oldest, most wanted desire (A family) and draw a line in the sand, and so no, “I want this, I want this for me” and not back away when it causes conflict with someone else.

But here’s the thing, Michael’s so used to “going where you want me” that I think even in the face of Maria saying “you know, kids aren’t in the future here” he would still try to make it work. I have long joked that I ship everyone on RNM with a therapist (except for Kyle, who is perfect) but I really want Michael to seek out help. I think he would go, but for entirely the wrong purpose- in my story, he would go see a therapist and say to them, “I can fix a busted transmission, but I can’t fix this. Can you help me with this? She doesn’t want a family but I do. How can I change myself”

And oh boy is that a pandora’s box for a therapist. Digging into the meat of you don’t think people will stay so you push them away- Alex, then when they do express they want you, you don’t believe it will last so why bother trying again. In the process of Michael trying to fix himself so he can preserve his relationship with Maria, he discovers though guidance - that he can’t be a good partner if he’s not good to himself, and letting someone else’s desires supersede his own isn’t healthy. Then finding the balance after you figure out you can say no- because compromise is also important.

Somewhere in this mess is Sanders, who after hearing that Michael’s ready to ditch the idea of being someone’s dad, shakes him by the shirt collar. Explaining to Michael that just maybe he should have tried harder all those years ago to be someone who could adopt him, that shame never leaves him. Trying twice was good but not good enough, who’s to say the third time wouldn’t have been successful? But somewhere along the line Sanders decided it was easier to be the old gin-soaked junkyard dog than be someone who was willing to do the work of sobriety. Does Michael want to follow in his footsteps? Leave some kid in a place they don’t belong if he has the ability and desire to provide a home? And Michael decides he is done telling himself it won’t work out, that he wants this with an impulse stronger than his self-defeatist instincts.

And that is the death knell on his relationship with Maria- incompatible.

Then, because I’m a Malex shipper through and through, there’s Alex. He’s shown up for Michael all through season 2. And in my eyes, they’ve worked on their friendship (drown in those 2x04 feels) and Michael calls him for advice, lays out what’s going on with him and Alex supports him on that path to being happy. Alex gently probing him about how long he’s had this dream of being a parent, hearing how it predated senior year, but after senior year Michael inserted Alex into the dream. Michael sharing even after everything, he still thinks of Alex of being there, maybe an uncle? And Alex, overwhelmed by how serious Michael was and maybe still is? Takes it slow, this can’t be a rebound, just urges him to take the small steps, like mentoring with Big Brothers/Big Sisters or through the YMCA.

Those logical steps get escalated when Michael discovers a hitchhiker stowed away in flatbed of his tow trunk after a stop at a rest area. He sees himself in this angry, but desperate kid. He doesn’t want to give the kid up and so he calls on Alex yet again, to do a background check to make sure the story is true and then pleads for him to help. Make Michael foster-parent worthy in the eyes of the law. I don’t know if this skirts the fear you have that Alex is the last resort? In my mind, his two oldest desires are having a kid AND having Alex, and once he works out he can have the first, he realizes that all is not lost with Alex as well.

Anyway my very long thoughts on this story I AM NOT WRITING RIGHT NOW: a take on ‘fake engagement because of CPS’ where Alex installs Michael into his house all so they could give a home to this stray kid.