#I'm not gonna survive through rebirth am I .

[fixfoxnox]

When I first started reading SitO I had no idea who Jackson was and when I looked him up and saw he was the guy you play in the nuke mission in the original MW I was so glad to see you use him because the part where he dies was one of the only two scenes I remembered from that game. Recently I learned there were scrapped mission objectives that were going to have him survive the nuke. Now all I can picture is Jackson's survival being a well known thing in military circles and him making cracks about it to other people because whose gonna tell the guy that got nuked he can't joke about it? "Gaz please, this mild fever is nothing compared to the heat of the nuclear bla-" followed by Gaz trying to suffocate him with a pillow. He and Ghost start trying to out dark humor each other about their trauma while everyone around them is horrified.

AJDNNFJFJF NO PLEASE BECAUSE I KNOW THAT JACKSON IS SO EXCITED ONCE THE 141 KNOWS ABOUT THE REBIRTH STUFF SO HE CAN FINALLY CRACK JOKES ABOUT DYING

"Jackson don't do that, its dangerous."

"Can't be worse than a nuke lmao"

Gaz: *doing anything*

Jackson: damn, you make me hotter than that nuke did baby holy shit

Gaz absolutely hates it. Ghost is actually getting along with Jackson for the first time since knowing him. Soap is horrified every time. Price is silently resigned. Roach has been dealing with this for years (Roach has Jackson in his contacts as "🍄☁️" and Roach is in Jackson's phone as "🔥🪳" no one but them and Ghost think that its funny)

I also know Jackson would drop a "Where's another nuke when you need one" when he's in any situation that he doesn't want to be in lmao

Also I've lowkey been very surprised at how many people have told me that they didn't know Jackson before reading my fic. I really shouldn't be surprised since he only has like 4 missions though andjfnnfnf

It lowkey makes me wonder if there are people who think/thought that Jackson was an OC when I first introduced him. ALSO I WISH THAT JACKSON LIVED OMG

Fun facts about when I played Jackson's missions:

When I got to his first mission it took me like 30 minutes to do because I didn't realize I wasn't playing as Soap anymore (I talk a lot while playing games and was not paying attention bdbfjfnf)

So they're calling for Jackson to go do things and of course I don't realize I'm Jackson, so in my head I just have to wait for this npc to do something before I can continue. So for like 30 minutes I'm sitting there listening to them scream for Jackson to do something and I'm like "Damn this Jackson guy needs to get his shit together this is taking forever"

Then eventually I just went and did it and they were like "good job Jackson" and I was hit with the sudden realization of "oh shit I'M JACKSON"

Also after the Nuke cutscene happened, I was still like chilling and legit said outlook to myself "wow, I wonder how his next mission is going to handle this" like two seconds before they flashed the KIA on the screen sjdnfnnfnf

I am also deeply chaotic while playing Jackson for some reason like I full on do the dumbest shit while playing his missions snfjfbbf it took me forever to get through them on veteran cause I kept getting run over by the tank lmao

[vengtshroom]

I hate being alive and just barely surviving. I feel resentment to those who left me nothing but empty promises. The help offered is always just lip service. People wanting to feel better about themselves and feel like they did good without any of the actual fucking effort. I swear to God I get my hopes up every time and I'm fucking so sick of it. I can't even speak or indulge in much of the hobbies that would make me feel less shitty. I'm probably just gonna die alone at this rate. I don't even know if I want friends anymore. I just wanna die. Be reborn into a better world and not be fucking crippled and miserable. Maybe have friends that won't fucking abandon me or give empty promises. Friends that from the start aren't ableist, racist, transphobic, homophobic, etc. I wish I could have a better life here but it doesn't even seem possible. I honestly wish I could verify rebirth so I could just fucking kill myself. I don't wish to waste a life given. I don't want to suffer either. I'm exhausted and sick of my life being so shitty. I want the pain to stop and knowing it's going to only get worse and I have not much but scraps to help me I'm just angry and exhausted and more depressed than anything. I feel trapped. I'm literally trapped by my own body. I hate being alive if this is it. I'm sick of just holding things or even typing/reading being so painful. I fucking hate this shit and I resent many of whom I once thought friends. I just want to not wake up. Not here. Not in this disgusting room in my own filth. I don't bother trying to ask for better anymore. I'm just trying to hold on to what relief I can manage to find. Almost anything to make myself not feel the pain of being alive anymore. Help just isn't coming. I've begged and cried for years now. Pushing myself only damages the body further. Healthcare seems like a fantasy just as much as clothes and healthy food. I just want to scream and destroy everything around me but all I can do is sit in this shitty fucking bed. I want to cuss out everyone who got my hopes up that they would help or this would get better. It's only gotten worse. Year after year. And I am alone. My pain too much for them to look at. I've become a burden to be around in the agony I exhibit. I feel rage at their ability to remove themselves from something I can't escape. They offer their help to satisfy their egos and it pisses me off. They don't care if I never fucking receive it. They just wanted to make themselves feel like a fucking hero. Like I get scraps am I supposed to just be happy existing like this? Pretend to make them feel better and hope I keep getting scraps? Maybe they'd just prefer I had died. They certainly don't care if I suffer that's clear. And my existence is treated as nothing but a bother. Even the one person left to treat me with kindness I'm a burden to him. I just want to die. I wish I could have a new life. I hate being alive like this. It hurts so much to type this. It hurts to speak as well. Communicating hurts so bad. Not that I have anyone but my love to speak to. Even beyond that he's not one for such conversation outside of his special interests. And anytime my feelings pour from me it affects the quality of caregiving he can provide which affects my health. So my feelings only pour forth unintentionally at this point. When it's too much inside and my mind pushes it forth be it through typing or speaking it comes compulsively and hurts every time but I can't stop until it's all out. Like I'm vomiting it hurts so bad but I can't stop. I'm scared I'm going to live long suffering like this only to die alone and miserable. I hate humans. I hate being one. I hate the cruelty of the species I am born to. I hate that suffering like mine is treated as somehow okay and as justified to neglect or even abuse as seen fit. I just want the pain to stop. I don't want to be alone anymore. I want to have friends who actually have my back so maybe someday I can have theirs. I want to die.

[languor-em]

Give me the Cracked Earth lore I need to know

YEES YES!! OKAY-

Thank you everyone who showed interest, I am really anxious and in constant need of validation so!! Thank you for humoring me XD

Anyway- here are some quick, low quality doodles of the main three characters (I forgot to do the antagonist 😔) and the rambles will be,,, beneath the cut. Because this will likely be long- and if anyone wants to skip over this, go for it!!

Okay okay so, brief summary and the first (?) line of the book proper:

By the time the first humans had crawled out of their caves and into the cold light of day, the world had already ended.

The earth, cracked open like an egg, is now home to more beasts than man. Strange beings, twisted and corrupted by the magic that surged forth when the earth split, prowl the overgrown landscapes in search of easy prey. Three gods have control now, though to varying degrees. Mankind is not at the top anymore, instead they survive in small patches of civilization, living their best in spite of the strange creatures that hunt them, and the humans who have become twisted shadows of themselves in service to the Watching God.

So so so- here are the main three characters, I'll like,, vaguely mention the antagonist because like,,,, again I forgot to draw him and I still wanna keep some things like,, secretive I suppose?? Idk, my brains running a mile a minute today

Anyway!!! First up iss

Finley!

Her full name is Finley Claide MacMillen, and she is 16 years old

She's like,,, your everyday average street urchin. She's been on her own almost as long as she can remember, and she makes her living through scavenging and charity from the other people in her village.

She is stubborn, headstrong, and insists on isolating herself. It’s easier to survive by yourself, after all. Don’t get attached, don’t rely on other people, you’ll just get burned if you do. She's uh,,, got a lot she needs to work through

She's the classic kid who grew up far too fast. She never got the chance to be a kid, not a lot of people do in this world. So she struggles a bit as a result. She hold herself to a very high standard that she often has trouble reaching. Very,,, very traumatized agajaba

The Right Hand

He has a name, I just,, haven't thought of it yet. That, and he doesn't use it anymore. He's a good couple hundred years old,, he doesn't really need one anymore

As the title suggests, he's the Travelling God's right hand! Following the Traveller was completely his choice, and he allowed the god to 'corrupt'/chang him into something not quite human. The top of his head is shattered, replaced by colorful stained glass. He usually wears a helmet and some scarves that cover that up. He's pretty much blind as a result, he moreso senses energies than anything else

He's fairly cold and aloof as a default. His duty is to protect his god from those that would mean him harm, so he carries himself very seriously. However,,, as one gets to know him (and as he adopts Finley) he's actually?? A sweetheart?? A lil bit of a dork, but not as much as the Traveller.

He and the Traveller are in love, fun fact. Hundreds of years and going strong ÚwÙ

The Traveller

I'm not really gonna reveal a loott about him because like,, mystery and whatnot but!! He is the god of rebirth, Cycles, Death, detachment, and wind.

His personality does not fit the detachment part. He's a big sweetheart, and a bit of a dork. Like, a big dork. He basically adopts Finley as soon as he meets her for the first time, so you know. Nerd. He's a bit standoffish about his past and whatnot, but he's sweet and open about most other things!

He's made of stained glass, and he drapes himself in fabric. His head is like,, vaguely bird shaped,, and he slouches most of the time. He stands at about like,, 9 feet when he's standing straight?? But gods and their physical forms are a bit shaky, so he can really present as he wants.

Loves his lil family with all his heart- he'd do anything for them

The Watcher

Is the antagonist

He's the god of Power, jealousy, obsession, and fire- and he's the most involved in the world as far as the gods go

He was the one who cracked the earth

I won't share much more than that but,,, he's cool. I like him. He sucks.

The story will begin in Finley's home- which is set up near a like,, cathedral?? To the Watcher. Its basically a bunch of old skyscrapers that were all melted together, then hollowed somehow. As a result, th corrupted followers that live there sort of raid/harass her home a lot. Right now, under the Watcher's orders, they're keeping an eye out for the Traveller and the Right Hand- who just so happen to make a stop by Finley's home.

The Right Hand stops in for some supplies, and buys Finley a meal. Meanwhile he's being tailed by some of the Watcher's followers, and Finley takes it upon herself to lead him out a safe, back way that she knows of.

Hyjinx insue

Anyway!! That's all I can really think of to share right now since like,,, I don't really wanna ramble waayy to much right now but!! Thank you all for humoring me :'D

[patchworkgargoyle]

🌳 & 💐 for the OC ask! (Any OC you like, doesn’t have to be one I’m aware of)

Oh I'm still gonna do this for Theo anyway bc I am also hyperfixating. xD

🌳 What are some things your oc is proud of?

Being able to recreate her family's recipes from memory, especially her nan's bread over a campfire - it means a lot to still have that connection to home, and to share it with her new family; standing up for her friend by killing her harrasser, even if it meant having to leave her family and go on the run - especially since it did lead to the posse, and a better means of providing for her family back home; surviving on her own as long as she did before meeting the posse, since she thought she wouldn't actually make it far before being caught or getting in over her head.

💐 What flowers would be used in a flower crown for your oc? Why those choices?

So I pulled up a list of Victorian Flower Language, seeing as Theo is set in roughly that time period. xD It wouldn't be the most comfortable crown, but these are really just options.

Holly - defense, domestic happiness: Theo defends those she loves, and she loves to take care of them with acts of service.

Ivy - affection, friendship, fidelity: she's very affectionate, just in quiet ways, and highly values her friends, believes in loyalty quite strongly.

Rosemary - remembrance: she thinks a lot about her family, as she hasn't seen or heard from them since she had to leave.

Willow - sadness: the feels a lot of guilt for leaving, and often worries that she doesn't contribute enough to the posse, has a tendency towards low moods and feeling lonely or down on herself and isolating.

Wheat - abundance, rebirth: does her best to keep to posse fed, organized, and well-budgeted, and on good days feels like she finally came into her own once she left home.

Red rose - love: she has a deep wellspring of love for the posse, shown through her anxious fussing, worrying, and need to keep everyone healthy, happy, and comfortable.

[novastarry]

5.30.22

Evening Entry

Done List

- Start 1 new challenge

- Add tasks

- Add daily tasks

- Did daily tarot pull

- Cleaned my phone storage

- Watched TikToks

- Did language lessons ( Spanish)

- Water first thing in the morning

- Language lessons ( Spanish)

- Meditated

- Deep breathing

- Listened too music

- Made agenda

- Morning entry

- Did morning stretches

- Ate breakfast

- Laughed today

- Playtime

- Got dressed

- Counted ten blessings

- Ask for a sign from your guides

- Prompt ' Three things I want to tell my past self '

- Said ' I can achieve any goal '

- Said ' I am unique and powerful '

- Took morning meds

- Took meds early enough

- Brushed my hair

- Fixed my Amazon account

- Ordered Cj's things

- Prayed

- Wrote a Gratitude list

- Set intentions

- Listened to music

- Sang

- Listened to favorite music

- Picked up and placed thirty things

- Put away my laundry

- Brushed my hair

- Packed my bag

- Drove to my grandparents

- Went to National Cemetery

- Went to pick up a Facebook Order

- Ate lunch

- Commit yourself to your spiritual journey

- Meditated

- Find one thing to love about myself

- Did TAPS with my grandparents

- Drove home

- Cleaned out more storage

- Have a Brainstorm session

- Start a writing or speaking project

- Fix the Amazon order

- Start a 30 day challenge ( Vent Art)

- Meditate on a certain choice

- Listened to cheerful songs

- Journaled in my notebook

- Did something I enjoyed ( Reached out to Jay)

- Ate dinner

- Cleaned

- Cleansed my crystals

- Charged them

- Took meds an hour before bed

- Set intentions for the next period

Happy Moments

- When I was driving to my grandparents house and listening too my favorite music while thinking about my friends and what I was gonna do when I got home

General Notes

- One thing I can love about myself and rely on with myself is my ambition

Stats

Ways To Improve

- If it's Trenton don't respond

- Eat meals earlier in the day

- Film just a bunch of TikToks through out the day instead of daily vlogs

- Listen to your body when it says it's tired

- Really use that start and move through method of productivity as well as the other one of flipping and grabbing

- Start eating dessert instead of a third snack

- Find a way to stop worrying

- Find your zen

- Read more

- Tap into your divine feminine

- Become the artist you were meant to be

- Realease your problems

- Talk to your spirit guides

- Make a daily Manifestation ritual

Things I'm Proud Of

- After self harming at least attempting to use healthy coping mechanisms

Signs From The Universe

5:43 - Sort of like a countdown, it explains the idea that something is going to happen very soon in your life and your guardian angels are sensing a positive outcome

5:55 - Very big change coming prepare for the shift

6:54 - A strong message in love, it means that the situation naturally changes for the better

1010 - A great change is approching

- Getting the sign I asked for

Butterfly- Spiritual rebirth, transformation, change, hope, and life

Black butterfly- A symbol of misfortune

Horse - Courage, integrity, perseverance, and power

Fly - Perserverence, transformation, vision, and adaptability

Mosquitoe - Survival, persistence, and perception

11:11 - Your manifesting your intentions stay positive

2222 - Stop worrying, balance yourself

Yellow Butterfly- Renewl, transformation, change, hope, and life

White butterfly- Someone is protecting you and everything is gonna be alright

Dog - Unconditional love, loyalty, and protection

1:11 - Your manifesting your intentions, stay positive

1:23 - Your challenges and negativity of the past are ready to be released

2:22 - Stop worrying, balance yourself

Bee - Industry, to bring messages from the divine, to set an example, and to be associated with the soul

Dragonfly - Change, adaptability, transformation, and self realization

Blue butterfly - A reminder to be at peace in your life, and to feel calm and joy

Worm - Fertility, autonomy, and also a choice

3:33 - Your spirit guides are beside you

4:44 - Surrounded by angels, guided in what your focusing on

222 - Stop worrying, balance yourself

543 - A sort of a countdown, explains that something good is going to happen in your life with a positive outcome

5:55 - Very big change coming, prepare for the shift

654 - A strong message in love

Spider - Artistry, manifestation, patience, feminine power, ancient wisdom, illusion, balance, and interconnection