#I'm not fond of the first pic but I felt like the background HAD to be the ocean to be relevant to the fic

[mathematicats]

The sea.

Art (part 2) for The Oldest Tale of Time by @stardust-rust

[teenagebeautyqueen]

[Image description: a young person holds a mobile phone with a blue case and a paper on the other. the paper has a drawing of an umbrella colored with the trans pride flag. we can only see their upper body. they are looking down and to the left of the image. they're smiling without showing their teeth, and look relaxed. they're wearing a black, loose hoodie and some shorts can be seen at the bottom of the picture. they're also using black nail polish. on the background there is a door and a star wars poster. the other image is a close up of the paper. end ID]

🌈ʜᴇ/ᴛʜᴇʏ🌈

happy trans day of visability to all my fellow trans*!! here is me and my project for peace's day... i personally love it. it's on spanish, but i'll translate it for y'all.

the text on the left says "cada persona que conoces está luchando una batalla de la que no sabes nada. sé amable. siempre", which is the translation of that quote that goes like "every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. be kind. always".

the one on the right says "¿qué sentido hay en pelear? ¿por qué insistimos en sabotearnos mutuamente? Todos caminamos por el mismo sendero embarrado, todos nos dirigimos al mismo final." its translation is something like "what's the point on fighting? why do we insist on sabotage each other? we all walk the same muddy path, we are all headed for the same end."

and above the umbrella there's words like "odio", "acoso", "ignorancia" & "discriminación", which mean "hatred", "harassment", "ignorance", and "discrimination".

yeah i'm very subtle.

i've decided to share my story with the world. but i got kinda carried away. it's not s fairy tale, so don't read it if you're sensitive to themes like bullying, mental health issues, and toxic people.

——————————————————————

it's been... one ride of a journey, to say the least. i've said a few times that i started to question my gender around summer. but that's not quite true.

growing up, i never was fond of... anything that i associated with femenine, really. this included, but wasn't limited to, any color that wasn't blue (pink and purple get a special mention, i despised them), flowers, clothes too loose or too tight, shorts if they weren't from some sport, etc. i think you get the idea.

this collided with me being afab (aka a girl for everyone including myself) & neurodivergent. i wanted nothing to do with those things. but society wanted me to love them.

5 yo me said she didn't like Monster High. 5 yo female classmate said i was a weirdo. 7 yo me loved football. 7 yo male classmate said i couldn't play because i was a girl. 9 yo me hyperfixated on minecraft. 9 yo pretty much every classmate called me a geek.

so i stoped trying. for a while, i loved pink, wanted to have rapunzel's hair, watched disney channel, etc. but i already was the weirdo. i remember being three and friends with all of them. i remember playful fights for the toy rocket and reading books with the only other boy who could read, to ourselves, each other, and the whole class. but people grow up, and they change. so yeah, i was bullied. always the last one to be chosen, left alone on the bus rides, on my own at the playground.

and you'll be thinking "that sucks, but pao, how is it related to you being trans?"

you'll see, i didn't have many friends. i was kinda alone until i turned 7. then two new kids came to my class. let's call them eva and john. i made friends with them asap. i loved them so much!! they were my first friends since kindergarden. so i allowed myself to let go. i was already hated by most of my peers. why wouldn't i be myself with those who didn't despise me? (i was 7 when i thought this. 7 years old, and i thought that out of 20 people, 18 hated me. and then people wonder why i've got self-steem issues lmao. i'm tryna make the point that bullying in primary school isn't just some mean kids calling you names. i'm currently in high school and it still has its mark on me. but that's for another moment.)

so yeah. i went "wild". eva has adhd too (noice, right? i mean she has her diagnosis becaise she's primarly hyperactive, while i'm primarly inattentive, but we understood each other way quickier than with neurotypicals– even if i didn't know why yet), and john was kinda shy & corpulent (he wasn't fat, but he didn't look slim either), just like me. so we became friends. and i slowly opened up a little, while still playing my role of "the freak kid". i knew i was seen as that AND as the smart kid. double pressure, double bullying. but i had my small circle. it evolved until my current friend group, in which, god bless, there's a trans girl!! (eva's still on it– she's my best friend and i would die for her, no doubts. john can go fuck himself, the goddamned fascist).

but it ain't that easy. it never is. i'm 14 and afab. shit happens. y'all get it.

my first period happened while i was on a school trip (bad), on a hotel with no pads avaliable (very bad), on another country so i couldn't call my mum unless i had wifi because politics & stuff– and i did not have wifi (really bad). cue a lot of dysphoria (even if i didn't know it was that) + not being able to contact anyone. add the fact that i was the second one to have it, and it was some kind of taboo– it meant the other girls wouldn't leave me alone, and the result is clear: one of my worst panic attacks ever, on a tiny bathroom of some shitty hotel room.

from there it went downhill. my body started to become femenine, and the football short didn't make my hips smaller. my face, my oh so alarged face, suddenly became rounder. puberty hit me not only physically, but emotionally. and if that wasn't enough, we, as a class, were entering what's called here "the turkey age", a.k.a. teenagerhood, where looks become even more important. it didn't take long until i hated my body.

[WARNING: from here, this gets hard. mentions of eating disorders, depressive episodes/thoughts, toxic enviroments, homophobia/transphobia (both internalized and external), anxiety attacks, and thoughts of self-harm]

i thought "it's big, it shouldn't be big, it's fat. besides i don't want it to grow so fast. i want to make it stop growing. how? well, i grow up by eating. no eating=no growing".

yeah. eating disorder. when i think about it, i want to laugh. because it only took a few comments and "jokes" for me to be so angry at myself when i should be mad with them. i'm big. always have been, very likely always will. i've been told that i could make a very good rugby player. i probably would. i shared my cantine table with people (😔). and they wouldn't shut up. "[deadname], the rest wants to eat too!", "look at [deadname], she's gonna eat it all!". things like that. i stoped eating. i would pick up the smallest amount of food i could, even if my stomach was begging me to please eat something. eventually, my mum found out. and she helped me to grow out of it. i sometimes releapse, but never for that long. because i went on a whole year like that. and it sucked.

so, last year. socially anxious neurodivergent girl with several doubts on her sexuality gets to eight grade.

i play basketball. since i was little. i used to enjoy it a lot. we weren't a team– we were a family. loved 'em so much, 1000/10 one of the best things of my life. BOOM. now you're old enough & good enough to be on the "good" team. in the good time there's the cool kids. i am not a cool kid. oops. i was left behind, they all laughed at my back, no one cared about me (except one girl, but she was in the group and was scared to act until almost the end of the year. love her for that tho). i felt like shit. i was too scared to go to train. the sight of a ball scared me, because i couldn't help but think everyone was talking shit about me. we went to a national championship and when they went out to the city, they didn't tell me, then sent a pic of them having fun to the groupchat & delated it saying "oops it was for the other group". i had several breakdowns on my room that night. it was such a bad experience i can't even hear the name of the city without tearing up.

not to count that a new girl decided to make my life a living hell. now i know how to deal with her, but then i didn't, and i ended up curled up on the bathroom floor crying.

all while i discovered my own identity. i was so scared of being non-straight i hated myself for it.

it was a tough year and there were times where i would wish i'd never existed. it was too much for me to deal with, and i was just miserable. but i got out of it. remember the trans girl i mentioned? she's closeted, and she told me just this october. but even before that, she was my friend. she bought a new life to it all, a fresh one. i owe her a lot, including accepting myself as i am.

she is here, despite everything.

i am here, despite everything.

you are all here, despite everything.

some of us aren't here. they are the ones we remember. each one of us has our history. i shared mine with you all. it is not an easy road. you know that. it's hard, and it's tough, and it's difficult, and it's unfair.

but we are here, despite everything. the ones who made it, the ones who didn't, the ones who are halfway through it, and the ones who are to come.

we are here. we are trans. and we won't be erased.

[nicolahndphoto]

Exhibition Review - Linda McCartney

Friday the 13th of September

During Wednesday afternoon class, we took a trip on the Subway to Kelvingrove Museum to see Linda McCartney’s exhibition; Retrospective whee I ended up spending £60 in the gift shop and I don't even regret it. I’ve forever loved Linda’s work as a lot of the images feature my home; Campbeltown as the McCartney’s bought a farm there. McCartney shot a lot of her images on film, most of which were of her family and surroundings. The only images that were planned were of musicians such as The Beetles.

My most favourite image is featured below of Paul and their daughter Mary, photographed in 1969 mounted as a black and white platinum print. My reasoning for this is that my Mum took a very similar photo of myself as a baby on my Dads chest - he was however, wearing trousers. McCartney’s photos of her family are so intimate and loving especially ones like this; Paul naked with his daughter keeping his dignity hidden. Such a simple and sweet image with nothing really behind the making. Down on the right hand corner, you can see the brightness coming from a lamp which can be evident by the harsh shadows at Pauls side. The lighting is very complementary to baby Mary’s face which is expressionless. If this image was taken with natural lighting, the atmosphere would be completely different as more of the background would be on show as natural light bounces more than a lamp with a lampshade. 

All three images above are featured in ‘Family Life’ on Linda McCartney’s website. Left to right: ‘Paul and Mary, 1971′, ‘Peggy Lee’s Christmas Tree, California, 1974′ and ‘Stella, Scotland, 1983′. The first image of the trio is so beautiful. A father and his daughter yet again, facing the same way as if he is teaching or showing her something very important; this can be seen by their facial expressions of seriousness. Natural lighting from the window they are standing at has allowed soft shadows to gather around their chins, behind their heads and on his arms. This image is clearly not set-up but was however captured at the perfect moment. 

The second image of the Christmas tree is so unusual. Their two children are photographed holding balloons in front of a huge fluffy white tree filled with multiple coloured balloons. Natural lighting is seen pouring in through the side door/window which causes delicate shadows on both the girls’ faces. Exploring the photograph, we can see different items stuffed in the background which could be because it’s a busy time of the year with balloons and decorations pilled on top of each other. Overall, it’s not a fancy image but it is special. A simple photograph of their two children that is in no way organised apart from a quick ‘don't move’. 

The third image is very interesting as well as comical. If this photo was photographed today, their would be a problem as a child holding a lighter but in the 80′s, people would have laughed like I did when seeing this image. Clearly photographed on a beach also with natural light which I'm guessing from the harsh shadows, was a very bright day. Even the shadows on her arm are sharp. I can’t get over the pin sharp focus in this image. This was taken on film and is very impressive with the final outcome. Composition of McCartney’s daughter shows the quick snap of her camera but yet works effectively - as it seems relaxed.

On Horse back - 1986, Paul, Stella and James - 1982 & Distillery Workers - 1970. Campbeltown, Scotland

All three images above are photographed in Campbeltown during their stay. First two are in Machrihanish where the farm was with the third one being from a distillery - which I'm guessing is Glen Scotia - in Campbeltown town centre. The first image is of a horse looking over the straight to Campbeltown. The gradient of greys are so satisfying. The horse blends in until its ears are on show and pocking over the hill. The next image features Paul balancing on a fence whilst their two children play - one of which is photographed in mid jump. Both children and Paul are visible with the two children featuring more highlights than shadows showing it was a bright day with the sun behind Linda. I find the image the best out of the three as to me its comical. Why is Paul on a fence in a dressing gown? Why is the little girl crouched on the ground looking as though she has nothing on? And why is the child jumping photographed as if about to jump on a dog? McCartney’s were just another family enjoying their time together and it shows in this mage. Lastly, we have the distillery workers photographed outside their work all smiling. Despite the focus being a tad off, I am very fond of it. All the mens heads are in an almost straight line which composes the image. Dark shadows behind the men makes them stand out - even the man to the far left in a black jacket in front of a white wall - despite it being considered a candid. All images were taken in black and white film.

Linda McCartney Memorial Garden

Linda McCartney sadly died in 1998 of breast cancer. After this happened, Campbeltown decided on a memorial garden to be produced in her honour.

‘Following Linda McCartney's passing, a group of friends and admirers in Kintyre, where she had felt so at home, resolved that her memory and her contribution to Kintyre where her ashes now rest, should be recognised in a fitting manner. Thus they decided to form a small charitable trust, the Linda McCartney Kintyre Memorial Trust, in order to create a memorial garden in her memory.’

Sources:

https://www.lindamccartney.com

https://www.net-a-porter.com/ca/en/porter/article-132beca947950bc1/lifestyle/travel/mull-of-kintyre

https://mapio.net/pic/p-122516223/

http://www.lindasgarden.co.uk/index.htm