#I'm not being a hater but I'm not being a shipper in the 100% adoration way either

[distractionpie]

The faultlines revealed in the BuckTommy breakup are not just shown in Buck moving faster than Tommy's pace/asking Tommy to move in with him rather than having a discussion about moving in together, but also in Tommy's reaction. The "you'll break my heart" speech shows affection, but it also shows a lack of trust and respect. Tommy doesn't take Buck's stated feelings and wants seriously because Tommy assumes his greater experience with men outweighs any ability of Buck to make his own judgement and/or Tommy is too busy projecting his intimacy issues onto the relationship to actually listen to Buck rather than his own biases. And maybe Buck rushing ahead in this moment gives him reason to question Buck's judgement, but rather than stating his own thoughts and having a discussion about it, Tommy dismisses the relationship entirely with the framing that Buck is intrinsically incapable of being a good partner to him and will inevitably hurt Tommy (and this is a problem specifically with dating Buck rather than a normal risk of emotionally deep relationships). And the whole setup is a mirror to their first conflict: Tommy walks out on the first date because he unilaterally decides Buck isn't ready (distinctly framing it as being intrinsic to Buck and Tommy who knows better doing him a favour, rather than Tommy acting on his own relationship preference or him choosing not to be with somebody at that stage of their journey or saying [not unreasonably] he was uncomfortable with Buck's actions after Eddie arrived). Buck gets carried away and says things without thinking through the consequences, but Tommy reacts to situations that would require him to resolve an emotional conflict by deflecting the entire thing onto the other party.

Neither side of the conflict is insurmountable but it is a conflict which has to be untangled from both sides because Buck needs to resist being a steamroller of impulsive overcompensating, but they also can't build a functional relationship if Buck is permanently on thin ice trying to avoid the next misstep which will make Tommy react with 'this is uncomfortable so there must be something wrong with you and this relationship could never work'.