#I'm literally moving house in the next month 🙃

[tinylilemrys]

did i accidentally write a lot of background roy and jamie into my last story? yeah.

am i now writing a spinoff story from their perspective? absolutely.

do i have time to do this? absolutely not.

[emersonfreepress]

help i'm alive

So! Long time, no see. 2023 was a whole goddamn lot lol

I don't have a demo update to share yet, but that's because I had to scrap nearly everything I managed to write during a very, very, very bad stint of writer's block last year. I hadn't even realized it had been a block like that until I went over my work so far last month and realized it was bad -- like, trust me; a slog to read that didn't even sound like me. It's been extremely frustrating but I've finally broken free of that and it's been easy and actually fun to write again for the first time in actual years. I just hate giving updates that have no actual news in them. And I really had nothing to share other than: I deleted thousands of words and feel so much better now 😅

Anyway, little about my demo plans have changed: I'm still putting out the Chapter 3 demos in Choicescript/on Dashingdon and then will be going dark to move things over to Twine. Where I am in the process right now is... feeling like 35% done with the overhauled version of this chapter and 50% done for the next demo update.

As far as asks, I'm... not really sure what to do?? I believe I've read them all (I love you guys), but so much time has passed since getting most of them that I'm not sure if it's, like... still pertinent??? To go back and answer them?? I suppose some of them like character asks could be, but all the nice messages of support -- that feels weird since I've practically ghosted this blog since August! Idk. Y'all tell me what to do with 'em and I'll do it. Maybe I should make a poll.

Uh... that's really all there is to say regarding the game! I've added some personal stuff after the cut, but if you're done here: Thanks for reading and sticking around. It means the world, for real.

So what has occupied my time all this time? Doctor, therapy, money, and friends. And improv! But especially the first two. There was a lot of non-writing related stuff fucking up my ability to focus and write, so hopefully with my mind and body both feeling a lot better, I can get back to being present and active with the game. I didn't realize how physically unwell I was until last year and it's been like... life-long issues I've been treating. It turns out it's not normal to feel exhausted enough to sleep at any given time, at all times, for your whole life! wow!!

I also uninstalled Tumblr from my phone back in February, so you could say I'm sort of generally focused on offline life. (And what an interesting coincidence that my writer's block dissipated shortly after that...) I also just moved!! The last two weekends have been so expensive and stressful -_- But I can't even compare the old place to the new. We're basically paying the same price for idek how much more space. The cats are so happy; which means the house humans get to be happy.

My schedule is finally freed up from constant medical shit (there was a 3-month stretch this winter with multiple doctor appointments literally every fucking week 🙃🙃🙃). My mental health is doing a lot better -- literally incomparably better compared to where I was this time last year. There's live comedy now (which I dabble in, to be clear lol), but I've finally found myself able to like... balance it all. The physical and creative energy that goes into it all, anyway. The lovely thing about improv is that you kinda just show up and do your thing -- it doesn't cut into my writing time so much as it costs energy. Unless I end up in this comedy debate show thing next month, which I am very excited to give up writing time for

So like... Life is life-ing and I'm just vibing. Or something? I'll be around.

Thank you all again so much for your interest, support, patience, and readership <3

[stabbyfoxandrew]

Aerie, I love your OC's so much! I have a few questions about them if you don't mind.

How does Rayne feed? Does he eventually drink from Elliot? How does that conversation go?

TWT Thank you!! And of course I don't mind!!! I'm literally vibrating in my seat every time I get to talk about them. Thank you so much for asking!<3<3<3 Warning, it's long again. Oops. :')

About Rayne feeding:

When Rayne was first changed, Laurent brought him hunting and the whole thing freaked him out a lot. When Laurent caught a man for them to share, Rayne couldn't do it. He didn't want to hurt anyone. Laurent thought his nervousness was cute, but couldn't let him starve. So he held out his own wrist and let Rayne drink from him instead. (So basically, Rayne would use Laurent as a SillyStraw- emphasis on 'silly' because the man loses his mind later on lol- instead of drinking directly from people.)

After a few months, Laurent tells him that he's got to learn to hunt for himself and Rayne does. It takes almost all night but catches someone and doesn't know when to stop. When Laurent finds him, Rayne is having a mental breakdown. Rayne does not eat humans after that. Only from Laurent.

So, nearly the entire time he's with Laurent, Rayne feeds that way. He drinks from Laurent. Laurent's blood (the blood of a vampire who is much older than him) is like… Top Shelf. It's delicious and also blood-sharing between vampires is basically foreplay so like… Yay. : )

When he leaves his SillyStraw behind, Rayne figures blood is blood. He eats animals. It's nowhere near as good. But it works fine. When he's in the city he finds rats. When he's really hungry he'll drive until he finds a forest and take a deer. Or a fox. Or three. He usually he tries to avoid eating anything that could be considered someone's pet, like cats and dogs. But... desperate times...

Does Rayne drink from Elliot?

After some Laurent-flavored fuckery occurs, Rayne is terrified of leaving Elliot alone in the apartment. So he can't go out for a bite. After a few days, Elliot can't stand it. "Babe, it's been a week. You need to go eat." "I can't." "I'll be fine. Everything's alright-" Rayne just shakes his head, like a stubborn child. (But Rayne has OCD- the magical thinking kind, just like me 🙃we suffer together- and the last time he left Elliot alone, he got hurt. He can't risk it.) After a moment of standing there, watching Rayne's hands shake from across the room, Elliot sits down next to him and the vampire stiffens from head to toe. Stops breathing. E: You can't leave the house? R: I can't leave the house. E: What if I stood in the hallway while you were gone? Then I wouldn't be in the apartment by myself. R: No. He still knows where we live. E: What if I leave before you? I could go pick up food for later. R: Then you'd be alone. E: Let me go hunting with you. R: (laughs) No. E: Then drink from me. R: Have you lost your mind? E: If it's starvation or eating me, it's eating me. R: I won't. E: Please. I don't like watching you hurt yourself. Don't like you hungry. R: I could kill you. E: You won't. I saw you let a deer go once. If you can let some dumb deer go, you can let your boyfriend go. Right? R: I have a feeling you'd taste a lot better than a bloody deer. E: Come on. Let me help. Pretend it's the same as me cooking for you. R: (rolls his eyes) Producing blood isn't cooking. E: I said pretend. R: Elliot- E, whispering: If you keep starving yourself, you might lose it and end up eating me anyway. I'd rather be a willing snack than a helpless victim. R: (realizes he's right) E: What do you want, my neck? (moves his shirt collar to the side) R: (swallows thickly and shakes his head) Wrist. E: Wrist it is.

And then he watches Rayne's fangs drop out of his gums and sink into his skin, the vampire's eyelids fluttering when he pulls in that first mouthful of blood. The first human blood he's had in fourteen years. Rayne's eyes glow as he drinks and Elliot can't say he doesn't like the feeling of being drank from.

After a moment, Rayne pulls away with a gasp and his eyes settle back to that dark blue Elliot's used to. And Elliot smiles, "Am I better than a deer?"

ALSO, Rayne still eats regular ol' food too! He doesn't know how to cook though. Before Elliot comes along, he lives on take away. He keeps a binder in a kitchen drawer stuffed with takeout menus in sheet protectors. (It is amazingly organized, by cuisine and then by alphabetical order. His favorite things from each restaurant are carefully highlighted so that he doesn't forget.)

[btsgotjams27]

Wow, she is an absolute train wreck. I can't think of a better way to describer her right now. My mouth was literally on the floor in this chapter. But that brunch conversation though. She finally admitted she fucked up. In front of everyone no less. She finally put on her big girl panties and owned up. But then she goes and annoys me again when Yuna tells her to either go get her man back or move on, and her response is "It's not that simple". And now I want to smack her too. What isn't that simple? Either she loves him or she doesn't. Either she wants him or she doesn't. Why is she so afraid of admitting that she wants him back? Is it her pride? Does she not want to admit to him that she was wrong? Is she afraid to see how good he's doing? Is she afraid that maybe he has a new girl, and she can't stand seeing that? Or is it all of the above? She knows she needs to get better, but she just can't figure out how. And if she can't figure out how, she's never gonna get better. And then she goes and drowns her sorrows in booze, which does not look like a person who wants to help themself. She just wants to wallow in self pity. Honestly I think the best she can do for herself is to leave Seoul. She should use Yoongi's vacation house for a few months to clear her head. I think that's why JK is doing a bit better, because he got away from all the memories. She's stuck surrounded by things, people and places that remind her of JK. How are you supposed to move on like that? I'm curious to see what the next time jump brings for her. If she does move away, and if not, how she manages to find herself while still surrounded by those memories.

She is not doing well 😔 and yes, she has owned up to her mistakes and then reverts back 🤦🏻‍♀️ but it's not always easy, right? You gotta take a few steps forward, then sometimes you go back. OC is trying her best and is dealing with things the way she knows how, but I think the convo with friends and Yoongi did wake her up.

🧍🏻‍♀️here is oc, ready for you and Yuna to smack her 🤣 I won't answer the questions you have but leave them to your own interpretation orrrrr I'll answer them in the podcast (:

Well, there aren't any more angsty chapters, minus maybe a tad when OC sees JK again. The next jump will show us how both are doing. 🙃

[chesacakeripper]

Rant below

Prolly gonna fuck my driving test up next week despite cramming as many lessons in as possible beforehand because I'm literally just ✨️not good✨️ at things involving spacial orientation

I'm so much better than I was even a few weeks ago, I can bay-park and reverse pretty well now and general control driving round is fine, but the big roundabouts I'm still ao fucking inconsistent at, I struggle with where the left edge of the car is in space when I'm pulling up, majorly fucked a parallel park up today, clipped the curb a few times

Instructor suggested pushing the test back but of course there's no test slots available (lead time is about 3 months on a test bc the covid waiting lists fucked everyone up)

I have two hours tomorrow, two hours on Monday and an hour before my test on Tuesday left to try and become passable, and if I don't I'm then away and moving house and will probably have to get another instructor where I'm moving, learn the roads there and have to squeeze it in amongst work 🙃

Not feeling particularly great about it today

[thedreadvampy]

So I had a really positive Hey We Are Healing therap today. talked about what a difference the gym's making bc it's such a new experience to have the response from a trainer/teacher/tutor when I say "I can't do this because of XYZ" to not be "well guess you can't do it" or "well try harder" but "ok that's good to know, let's work out a way we can get you to bring able to do it"

that was nice. that's not the point. The point is I left feeling really positive and then somehow 10 minutes into my half hour walk home I started really fixating on a couple of Bad Experiences from my teens that have LITERALLY nothing to do with ANYTHING we were talking about today. or anything or anyone I've been thinking about/dealing with lately.

[advice gratefully accepted. some moderately detailed Trauma Stuff under the cut before I get to the thing I'd like advice on. tw for rape/sexual assault.]

I really want to tell two of the friends I still have from school about something that happened with my ex when I was 18. I really do want to tell them. I don't think I ever will. whatever 🙃

but I was like rehearsing in my head what I wanted to tell them and then I jumped from there to like. my general experience of high school boyfriends (It Was Not Good) and I got like. stuck. on this specific thing that happened when I was I think probably 18 or 19?

I think we'd left school and moved away and we were getting back together at New Year to catch up after not having seen each other for months. It was at a party at my friend's house and I was quite drunk and I really only remember flashes. anyway the upshot is his mum came in to find me mostly naked and almost unresponsive in my friend's bedroom with two of my exes (different exes. not the ex from the other thing) Doing Things. and she threw them out of the house and I was in floods of tears because I thought it was my fault and I very very vaguely remember my friend coming up to comfort me and he sat with me for the rest of the night.(I only remember anything about what happened after the blowup because I remember him being really firm that nobody blamed me or was mad at me, and I remember how I felt about that)

anyway I haven't talked to him much in the last decade, we've messaged and said hey hi I miss you we should hang out periodically but we live quite far apart and neither of us have had much call to be in the other's city for many years. but like. I really really really want to message him and be like hey I don't know if you remember this night, but if you do can you tell me what you think happened? like what it seemed like from your perspective? because my experience was really really interior and I also have literally no memories before or after.

I remember sitting on the stairs because I felt sick and overwhelmed and needed to get away from the party because I could hardly hold my head up. I remember my ex coming and sitting next to me and talking about how he hadn't had sex since we were dating and it was Literally Killing Him and he was going to die of it. then I think I have like a brief flash of both him and my other ex who was his best friend maneuvering me into the bedroom. then my friend's mum shouting and then getting kicked out and me being really confused and distressed that she wasn't angry with me, I thought it was because I was crying and she felt bad. then after that nothing again except the vague memory that I was comforted and sat with.

ANYWAY sorry I didn't mean to get into that either. because the thing is like. I really want to message and ask my friend what if anything he remembers. like what other people think happened. but. aside from the fact he may well say 'no I don't remember' I'm thinking like. It's kind of a dick move to message someone you've barely spoken to in years on a Thursday night and be like hey man can we have a potentially really unpleasant conversation? like I don't know what's up in his life I don't know if he's busy I don't know if he's ok (and also. he's very much the guy who only communicates through jokes memes and nonsense phrases. so it's a pretty big tone jump.)

like I think he would want to help. but I also don't think it's fair to just jump something on him. but I also won't. get to the point if I try to do a soft lead in. and all this is assuming he actually remembers.

so my question, if you've made it this far, is like. if you were this guy and your bestie from school who you've not talked to in a million years was like 'hey dude how's it going? weird question this Thursday night. do you remember a specific new year party when we were like 18 and your mum kicked [name] and [name] out of the house?' how would you. feel about that? what if you didn't remember? what if your memory of it was that it was mostly fine? what if your memory of it was that it was really awful and concerning?

like. should I message him? or should I just process it on my own?