#I'm just here looking at pics of Jeremy because I wanted to draw some but now I'm just distracted

[thymelessink]

[booksandchainmail]

Pale 10.4

oooh, I wasn't sure we'd get a Verona chapter this arc

“Can’t show you this one, Tash.” Tashlit, lounging on a beach towel, reached toward her waist and gestured. “No, this one isn’t rude."

I like the unstated "gesture"

Tashlit held up a finger.  One.  Then the ‘what?’ gesture. “The first most recent email is a reminder from Ding Phones that my prepaid phone account is almost out of funds, please visit the site to top up.”

I'm reminded of a great bit from Bloom Into You where the protagonist is eagerly awaiting a response from love interest, and when her phone pings it's an automated version update notification

“My mom tried to give me the dumbed down explanations but it felt a lot like I was in the way.  So I gave the excuse I had to get stuff sorted out.  And then we left a couple days after and we stopped in for a visit with her artist friend and I think that was meant for me.  Like, she thought I would be receptive and I’d get it and stuff, and it was cool to see the guy’s studio and stuff but like, I’m here and that guy’s alllll the way over there.”

I got to avoid this as a kid: if the people coming over for dinner were family friends who would want to talk with me I would stay, if not I could eat early and then just hang out elsewhere instead of having to stay at the table while conversations went over my head.

“Oh.  Disappointed, but not disappointed in me.  Maybe.”

disappointed in her own parenting skills?

Verona grabbed her book, flipped back a few pages, and found the image she’d drawn after Tashlit had insisted she would take every art critique seriously.  It was rude: a crude and rude drawing of a guy hugging a two-foot-wide boner that came up to the top of his head.

well if all else fails you have a career path on furry twitter

Jeremy replied.  I don’t know how to respond except pic just made my week.  Have some pics of Sir.

oh big mood, I also start messages with "I don't know how to respond" or something similar. If I wait to try and find words for a good response I just never send it.

“Is my dad going to jail?” The words left her lips before she realized she’d asked. “Is that another priority, Verona? That your dad be punished?” It was subtle. The tone a little cooler than before, less warm. Oh. She’d fucked it. She’d thoroughly fucked it, hadn’t she? Because now the idea was in David’s head. That she’d had an argument with her dad and things had gone wrong and now she was a manipulator or she was trying to get back at him and he was a tool for her to do that.

I can't tell if the child protective services guy is geniunely disapproving, or if Verona is panicking and reading too much into it. Because tone cooling here could mean a lot of things (ie David worrying that things were worse than he thought). If it is that says bad things about him! Honestly my first thought in this scenario (especially Verona was talking about not wanting to move) would be that she was scared of hr life getting completely disrupted by her dad getting arrested.

It's also sad that Verona's first thought on getting a (possibly) negative reaction to a genuine emotion is worrying that it makes her look manipulative or petty, because that is 100% what her dad has been telling her

The way he looked off to one side here and there made her wonder if he felt like his time was being wasted, now.  Or misused.  He kept taking notes when there wasn’t anything to take notes on.

I think "kid in a protective meeting visibly panics when told their parent won't be arrested" is something to take notes on!

“Sits in bed and sobs and tells me everything I’m doing wrong and everything he’s doing wrong and stuff about my mom.” “Okay. How often is that?” “Two to six nights a week, except when I’m away, or like, not nights but in the kitchen after he gets home from work, he’ll start telling me I didn’t mow the lawn or whatever and then it gets into how much his coworkers suck.”

... that is more often than I thought it was. Six nights a week at max, gods.

“Exacerbated by life circumstances?” he asked.  He started to take a note. “Not- no,” she said. She watched him continue to take the note, ignoring the ‘no’. She could imagine that penned down ‘life circumstances’ taking all the heat out of what she was saying.

I cannot tell if Verona is reading this accurately and this guy is going to be useless or not. Leaning towards not because I want to be optimistic.

“The third was- we went shopping and I got on his case, called him a bad dad and stuff. I pushed his buttons on purpose, because I could. And he freaked and stopped the car in the middle lane of a three lane road and made me get out. Cars were honking their horns and passing on the left and right. And I had icecream I’d bought for myself I was too full to eat and it melted while I walked home. I guess that doesn’t count when I think about it.”

I MEAN YOU'RE RIGHT THAT ISN'T TECHNICALLY BREAKING YOUR THINGS BUT IT IS IN FACT MORE WORRYING FOR DIFFERENT REASONS

“When was this?” “Christmas.”

winter in Canada? Admittedly I don't know that much about the weather but that seems hazardous

How could she even put it into words?  It was pressure and pressure over years.  It was telling her dad about her problems and it never mattering because he always one-upped her, and that added up little by little.

fascinated to see what people have done for Worm-style powers for Verona based on this as a trigger event

“Are you and your dad close?” “No. I think he wants us to be.” “How does he want you to be close?” “Hanging out, watching movies. He’d rather I didn’t see my friends and instead went with him. I think he’s lonely.”

I normally think of this as a red flag in romantic relationships, but it's even more one in a familial relationship

It felt like every time he was making notes, he was taking down the statements or arguments she felt were weakest and most unimportant.  Or stuff that made her dad seem more okay than he was. Dad’s lonely, wants to bond with shitty daughter.

I really don't think that's why he's taking a note of it!

And also wow does Verona place the blame on herself all the time. No wonder she has self-esteem issues as part of the Kennet Trio, if this is how her dad has taught her to think of herself

…She wasn’t even sure what she wanted.  She wanted to land this entire thing in the zone where she left her dad’s and went to Jas’s.  That was the perfect outcome.  It’s bad, gotta take this girl out of there, it’s crushing her and making her feel small and broken.  So we pick her up and take her… no, that’s too far.  Where’s a place we can put her that’s out of the house but not that super far away… Jas’s house!

yesyesyesyesyes. The guy mentioned temporary custody earlier, could that be this?

And even if it wasn’t impossible she couldn’t burden Jas like that, especially if Jas had a job she wanted and no time or money.

this has also been my concern with what is otherwise the perfect solution. Would the government provide a stipend for caring for Verona? It's not like she takes a lot of maintenance time-wise

“Almost died?  Tell me about that.” “At this thing I went to at the start of summer. I don’t want to get into it, it…

I think that's the kind of thing he has to follow up on, actually. Verona's dad not wanting more info on this was a red flag, and I don't think Verona recognizes how weird that was

I mean, she can probably pass it off as like an outdoors accident at summer camp (storm while hiking, bridge broke, etc etc) but she should have to at least come up with a story!

“Right now we’re in a middle stage, deciding what the immediate needs are.  It doesn’t sound like you need to be removed from the home, and it doesn’t sound like you want to be removed from the home.”

:(

“I want to leave that house.  I don’t want to go back,” Verona said.  “But can’t I go to Jasmine’s, instead?  Can’t- isn’t there a way to-” Breath hitched.  She was aware her mom was sitting next to her.  “Can’t we- you guys give money to foster parents, right?  So couldn’t I go there, and couldn’t, um, you could give her money and I wouldn’t be a burden, and she’s a really good mom to Lucy and she’s lovely.”

the degree to which Verona is breaking down in this conversation is distressing

Verona didn’t know what to say when what she’d already said and how she’d reacted had probably hurt her mom, and her mom didn’t say anything.

eh, deserved

“Is it possible?  To give Verona what she wants?  I don’t imagine the money from the system going to her would be possible, like she suggested, but if we could divert child support, maybe?”

surprising W from Verona's mom! I mean, it means she doesn't have to change her life at all to accommodate her own child, so low bar, but this is also what Verona wants

“We’d be looking at… the schedule’s tight.  This looks like, hm, three at-home visits over three months.  During those visits, I or someone else with access to the file would be checking in to make sure that all course participation is maintained, that the house is safe.  I would check in with Verona.” “Only three visits?  She’s so upset right now.” “Resources are stretched thin.” “You’re sending her back to that house?”

well fuck.

Lowering my estimation of CAS right back down.

Guess it's time to see if we can get Verona set up with a Demesne she can live in?

“I finished talking with David Williams.  Then I called Jasmine, and I called your dad, and I called Jasmine again.” Verona looked up. “She’ll take you until the end of summer. Your dad agreed to it.”

oh fuck yes

And one way or another, by the end of summer things will be different

She was going to Jasmine’s.  What came after could be saved for after. The headache was gradually easing.

:)

“So he gave my mom a preliminary plan of three visits from CAS over three months, right?” Verona told Tashlit. Nod. “And that’s now going to be twelve over six.” Double nod. “And originally, anger management classes and parenting classes.  Now it’s anger management classes and parenting and therapy.”

on the one hand, bleak that it took the drawing to get this boosted. On the other, good that this is happening, and specifically that when Verona felt she couldn't get meaning across in words, she was able to use her art to communicate

“I hate that we go off and do our own things and we don’t cross paths. And it is entirely my fault as the mom that I let it happen. A part of me hoped my situation would change or we’d grow into new interests that did have those overlaps… I did with my mom. It took until I was seventeen or eighteen before I could talk to her, adult to adult. But I screwed up.”

Yeah you did! I mean I also didn't have a lot of shared interests with my mother as a teenager, and I still tease her about saying "You know, I actually like you as a person" when I was ~22 (liking the person I was as an independent adult, as opposed to just loving me as her daughter) (english is my mother's fourth language so phrasing is sometimes off). But she still did her best to understand my interests, and was always engaged in my life. Adult to adult is not the only way to have a strong relationship with your child!

“Call.  Anytime, any reason.  I would move heaven or earth for you.” “But you wouldn’t move,” Verona said

ouch

“Want to turn in earl-” her mom said, at the same time Verona said, “Want to look at my art?” “I would love to,” her mom replied.

baby steps :)

“Boyfriend material?” “Blegh. No. Not what I’m after.” “A boyfriend? Are you-?” “Nope. No, I wish. It’d be nice. No, it’s not the boyfriend part of that.  It’s the material part of that.  I’m immaterial.  Maybe I’ll get there, maybe I won’t, but not right now.  Lucy and Avery keep saying stuff like ‘uh oh’, poor Jeremy.” “That doesn’t sound friendly.” “It’s sorta accurate.  Because we’re hanging out and he likes me and I don’t like anyone like that, so…”

aro Verona rights

A figure stepped out of darkness, and it wasn’t the local Others come to check in with her or welcome her to the area.

UHM?

“You tell me.  Look what I found, or well, look who found me while I was out there!” At that cue, Miss stepped out from behind the power pole. Wind picked up and dust from the roadside hid her face.

oh fuck yes

“A good one,” Miss said, walking past the girls.  She walked up to Rook, and the two of them hugged.  “Hello, it’s been some time.”

huh! Didn't see that coming, but potentially very useful if they have Miss bridging the gap between them and Crooked Rook

“I asked Rook to make sure you three were more or less alright until I could find my way back.  She has, I hope.” “She said she didn’t want to associate with us.” “Maintaining that position let Matthew, Edith, and the rest draw their own conclusions about my intents and goals,” Rook said. “And it helps keep this secret right here.”

clever clever clever! This completly changes the balance of power in Kennet. Miss back, Crooked Rook as an ally, by extension Nibble and Chloe...

“Rook,” Miss said, sounding more than a little upset.  She turned her head Rook’s way, and Rook adjusted the position of the mask perfectly, in accordance with that.

this is cute

“As long as Montague could seize control of the diagram at any time, on Matthew and Edith’s request… Miss can’t come into Kennet.”

good counter for Miss, but I think Montague might be recruitable? something to work on

“I’m thinking back to a few nights ago.  At the factory.  Edith pretty much sent Chloe right at us.  She was aggressive with the furs, she’s been testing the rules.  What if we dealt with her, like, right away?” “Let’s,” Rook answered.

OwO

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: 💀👑 having a party Jimmy: Where's my handwritten 💌? Jimmy: bit rude Janis: not enough 🩸 Janis: 💔 Janis: [pic of jelly shots and other basic party tings taking up cali's fridge] Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: if you ain't fucked with them, I'm dumping you Janis: it's like you don't know me at all 😱😏 Jimmy: Oi, it's a secret, that Janis: not tweeted it yet, we're safe Jimmy: tah, Judy Jimmy: what's the 👗👠 then? Janis: 🤔 Janis: it's either taking their 'style', lack of a better word, and doing it better, 'cos duh Janis: OR doing the anti-them so hard she'll be 😡 the second we walk in Jimmy: so do you want me in 👗👠 or looking like I slept in the park with nowt but a 🔪 and an empty wallet? Janis: both hot 🔥 Janis: probably hates poors slightly more than crossdressers 💙 Jimmy: have I got time to get a vote labour face tattoo? Janis: only if it's misspelled 💘 Jimmy: Duh Jimmy: trying to work out what 🎨 I could get to show I hate lawyers Jimmy: no win no fee finger tats? Janis: 😂 Janis: full of the 🥇💡s today Jimmy: downside being Ian might reckon it's 🥇💡 an' all, I'd have to ❌ 'em out or cover 'em up with something that'll get him fuming before he realises Jimmy: or put the 👗👠 on as well as Janis: that'll do it Janis: dress on a lad is still a dress on a lad, even if it's red Jimmy: getting into a 🥊 with him would only help the cause, nowt more common than a black eye and chipped tooth Janis: not had enough time for my fake pillow baby to be showing, WELL gutted 😭 Jimmy: can make the announcement on the night 🍾 be a lovely surprise for her Janis: godmother, anyone? 🙊 Jimmy: only right after we conceived it in her bunk 💕 Janis: solid HILARIOUS lad speech story, hun 👌 Jimmy: especially when I add in that I ain't sure and it could've been her desk in computer science 😘 Jimmy: oh the #bants Janis: me, tryna remember that time 💭👀 Jimmy: you and sir both Jimmy: draw the line at fake naming it after her though, what's her dad called? Janis: who knows Janis: Mike, John, Peter, Paul etc etc Jimmy: UGH fine we'll call the kid Jeremy Janis: gonna start doing #babytaylor updates around the 🕞 Jimmy: same Janis: graphic details of the abortion, good times, like Jimmy: but the #datenight in hell after is gonna be 🔥 soooooooooo Janis: 💁 #hatersgonnahate #dontmumshameme #howtolosethepregnancypounds Jimmy: 😏 Janis: she lives ages from both of us so where do you wanna meet? Jimmy: middle? Janis: his MIND 🤤 Jimmy: it don't matter to me actually now your ankle's loads better and I ain't gotta carry you the whole way Janis: said as if that were my preference, ever Janis: or that I'm well fat Jimmy: you were warned I'm 👴 and on death's door, mate Jimmy: I've had my 😭 about it but crack on with yours Janis: what else can be said about your stamina at this point, eh Janis: my cross to bear Jimmy: nowt 'cause I can't be all ears for your fake complaints after being deafened by your real praise Janis: if you're so gutted, I can promise you'll never 🔊 it again Jimmy: can you? doubt that Janis: see how easy Jimmy: alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: come here then Janis: where? Jimmy: where am I round the 🕞 Janis: UGH, don't remind me Janis: my biggest fake complaint 🥺 Jimmy: baby Janis: NEVER see you Jimmy: but I'm ALWAYS 💭💕 about you Janis: that'll be why Mia don't tip 💅 Jimmy: yeah that's TOTALLY the reason Janis: if you're THAT distracted how can you possibly remember how to make a decent latte?! Janis: if you're THAT distracted how can you possibly remember how to make a decent latte?! Jimmy: 1. there's no such thing as a decent latte 2. I could have you up on the counter and still make whatever ☕ dickheads want Janis: 1. okay got me there 2. not gonna have me there 'cos I'm nowhere near town so 💔 Jimmy: like I said ALWAYS 💭💕 Jimmy: and always fucking here 🕞 Janis: you're saying got time for that bus journey but how do I know it'd be worth it? Jimmy: I didn't promise to go mute on you for a start Janis: yeah? Jimmy: got loads to say, me Jimmy: [🔥 sext because why not] Janis: it's like that then Jimmy: it's however you like, you know that Janis: okay Janis: I want to see you Jimmy: okay Jimmy: I want you here Janis: I feel it Jimmy: I can promise you will Janis: you haven't forgotten just how long this bus ride takes, have you? Jimmy: no Janis: so you're being mean to me on purpose Jimmy: you started it by taking the piss out of my stamina Jimmy: this is just me showing you how much I've got Janis: but I'm already so Jimmy: and what I'm sitting here dead unfazed, do you reckon? Janis: I don't Janis: I think about you too, for real Jimmy: do you? Janis: yeah Janis: if I was good with words I could tell you about it but Jimmy: it's alright, you can show me Janis: when I'm with you, yeah Janis: what about all the times I'm not? Jimmy: you're decent enough at leaving reminders, I think I'll live Janis: you might Jimmy: how full's your 🚍 gonna be? Janis: this time? Janis: 👻town Jimmy: nowt to worry about then, is there? Janis: ? Jimmy: a 💣 could go off and who's about to see or hear it Jimmy: just us Janis: and the driver Jimmy: he'll be chatting to his mate or missus like the one before Jimmy: and you're gonna be 🔇 so you said Janis: 🤏 rude I'm now not that distracting at all, apparently but Janis: okay Jimmy: if he's that into it he can be our 3rd Janis: I'd ask but 😶 Jimmy: it'll go without saying, don't worry Janis: go on then Janis: you have to fill in the silence and tell me what you really think about me 💭💕 Jimmy: [a voice memo to make it even more of a #mood and to make me lol cos do you ever do any work boy] Janis: has anyone ever told you your voice isn't a total turn-off Jimmy: it ain't a compliment that usually gets chucked at me Janis: they're stupid then Janis: more than I reckoned Jimmy: don't talk to them, do I? Jimmy: just you Janis: oh yeah, suppose not Janis: count myself 🍀 Jimmy: dunno about that but you're alright to 🗨 to Janis: known worse, like Jimmy: tah very much Janis: you don't like compliments Jimmy: I never said that Jimmy: I don't know how to take 'em Jimmy: same as you Janis: it's when it's Janis: if you just said the same shit everyone says, it wouldn't even register Janis: but you ain't ever that predictable Jimmy: you're not a lass that's gonna get bog standard bollocks out of me Jimmy: 🥇 muse Janis: I can handle that Janis: you're pretty talented Jimmy: if you're the masterpiece, how could I fuck that up? Jimmy: barely have to do owt for it to be art Janis: be surprised how a lad can, 'cept not at all Jimmy: letdowns don't surprise me, whoever they're off 🌧 remember Jimmy: have had and have done loads, it's why the 😒 face fits Janis: you're far from a letdown to me, where it counts, like Janis: have that for free Jimmy: don't count for much when it's been days Jimmy: even Ian can manage to keep a lass about for that long sometimes Jimmy: but alright Janis: well it's all I've got Janis: and as I said, had worse Janis: you're free to disappoint me any time Jimmy: yeah, me an' all, but no need for me to chuck all the comparisons to my shit ex at you and pretend it'll do for a compliment Jimmy: or pretend that I wanna disappoint you Janis: It don't matter, we know it's inevitable but we also know we don't need to think about that right now Jimmy: it matters a bit Janis: not enough that we can do fuck all about it Jimmy: I just Janis: me too Jimmy: it ain't fair that you can 🧠📖 Janis: can't really Janis: could've agreed to anything there but fuck it, why not Jimmy: that's why I like you Janis: obviously Janis: whole plan hinges on it Jimmy: nowt to do with how fit and mysterious you are Janis: 🤏 tah Jimmy: Oi, I've been telling you how fit you are from day one Janis: don't stop Jimmy: not til it actually 💀💀💀s me Jimmy: how ain't there bollocks rumours about you being a model or an actress an' all? Janis: that'd be 😤💚 not 🤤💖 Janis: anyway, the school trip before the last, some scout came up to me and I thought the gals might actually murder her, or drown her with their 😭😭😭😭😭 Jimmy: right, it's different for lasses, so I've heard off you loads of times now Janis: and lads lack the imagination, not the kind of model or actress they're arsed about Jimmy: and that were why you didn't wanna do it then? Janis: didn't really have a chance, Lucas told her it was highly inappropriate to approach a child on a school trip, code for 'hands-off she's mine' 🙄 Jimmy: I get it, you can only find out who people are when I read their tits and tell you Janis: obviously Janis: got the card if you really wanna kickstart your career Jimmy: I just dunno why you don't, it'd be 💰💰 and a 💀👑 fuck you Janis: yeah but it's complicated Jimmy: which bit? the walk or the pout? Janis: very funny, dickhead Janis: 🥇 muse, so I've been told Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: why wouldn't you wanna get the fuck out of here? Janis: there's no guarantee that would happen Janis: might never get booked, or whatever the fuck they call it Jimmy: alright, you're scared of looking a twat Jimmy: but you're never getting booked if your name ain't down Jimmy: don't tell anyone you 🖋🩸 if nowt happens Janis: we've got well distracted from the point here anyway Jimmy: the new point is, stop being a selfish prick and think how 🥇 it'd make me look to have a model girlfriend, tah very much Janis: 🙄😏 you're the fucking worst Jimmy: kindly crack on 'cause I ain't gonna be about forever, like Janis: 👴 Jimmy: ✈👋 or ⚰🌹 either'll do Janis: know which one you meant Jimmy: it weren't me saying you can't 🧠📖 Janis: no brain to pick, you 💘 Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: yeah alright, that lass who tried to snatch you off the school trip'd know more than me but I still reckon you'd be good Janis: shh Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: meant to be you on mute though Janis: my point about the point exactly Janis: make it hard for me to speak in a fun way, dickhead Jimmy: [giving her pics because she gave him that glorious dressing room selfie and we know he looks good whenever even when he's supposed to be working lol] Janis: Jesus, boy Janis: how do you just look like that Jimmy: #notamodelbutmyfakegirfriendis Janis: definitely not doing it so you have a 🔥 # Jimmy: but LITERALLY what other reason is there???!! 😱😱 #s are EVERYTHING babe Janis: I know, hardest decision I've ever had to make Jimmy: I'm leaving now, I just think Jimmy: you're so Jimmy: *it Janis: I reckon you are too Janis: like Janis: normal lads don't look like you do Jimmy: I can't fake that hard it being a northern thing Jimmy: 💔 if that means my parents weren't shit at everything Janis: same but that ain't news to me Janis: people LOVE being vocal about how fit my mum is Jimmy: bit rude of everyone to fake Grace being your twin when she's really adopted 🎻 Janis: she looks like my dad's mum and she's devastated, is a gutting comparison however you slice it Jimmy: I should've done more 🎻🎻 Jimmy: I get it, I look like Ian so every other dickhead reckons Janis: 🤏 rude of you to say he weren't fit but I'll allow it Jimmy: 🤏💔 he's my biological father 🤞 the other two can still cut and run Janis: seen your socials that ain't got me in, the kid looks like a small clone of you so 🌧 Jimmy: 💰 on my sister then Janis: usually the middle child Jimmy: she's got his 😡 and it can't be nurture as he don't fucking do none so Jimmy: that's all of us fucked Janis: shit, ain't it Janis: couple my sisters escaped having the same dad but my ma's got terrible taste so theirs weren't no better 💔 Jimmy: how many do you have? Janis: 4 sisters and a brother Jimmy: bet he were 💔 growing up Janis: yeah we made him well gay Jimmy: don't @iantaylor8 Janis: he ain't about to gay bash so it's alright Janis: about to have a gaybie though so pop off on that one Jimmy: he'd be well chuffed to hear he can still have grandkids to bully even though he reckons we're all gay Janis: weird flex on your nature and nurture there, mate Jimmy: duh it's MY fault not his Jimmy: couldn't keep my ex from sleeping with half the north 'cause I obvs weren't and turned them onto a gay lifestyle while I wasn't at it 🙄 Jimmy: #myinfluence Janis: Is Bill your dad? Janis: the drama, the top class storytelling 👌👏 Jimmy: 🤞 you've still got that quill you borrowed Janis: if you fancy it, I'll come about and loudly let him know how gay you ain't Jimmy: he'd have to be about for that plan to work Jimmy: if we held our breath we wouldn't need the 💀💀💀 pact Janis: probably can't turn up at his workplace, yeah, bit weird Jimmy: ☕ delivery Jimmy: just brought my muse so I can do top latte art Janis: unrelated but where is the nearest storage cupboard, tah Jimmy: nowt to see here but everything to hear soz Jimmy: you'd have to break your vow of silence any road, can't have that Janis: not a nun, not an eternal vow Janis: just 'til you admit you like hearing it Jimmy: don't need to tell me on either count Jimmy: and I never denied that I like hearing you Janis: you were taking the piss Janis: so now you're gonna have to be well nice before I even consider it Janis: which is very 💔 for me 'cos I like making noise for you Jimmy: I've been SO nice since Janis: could you be nicer? 🤔 Jimmy: you tell me Jimmy: how can I? Janis: tell me what we're going to do at this party Jimmy: whose house is it at? Janis: #2 Jimmy: we'll find her fave bathroom then, she's bound to spend more time there than owt else Jimmy: ruin it for her Janis: anything that keeps her off the 🚽 is a 🏆 for us Jimmy: we can work out where her 🛏 is after Janis: probably four-poster Jimmy: probably be pretty hard to break Jimmy: but I'm up for the challenge if you are Janis: of course Janis: who am I? Jimmy: you're Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: you're fucking Janis: so good Jimmy: you Janis: you you you Jimmy: if it's owt to do with me it'll be 'cause you've inspired me Janis: I'll take that Jimmy: do Jimmy: it's right Janis: I'm already bored of being on this bus Jimmy: it takes the piss but I need to see you Janis: I want it too Janis: takes the piss I live in the middle of nowhere Jimmy: I'll move you in when Jeremy's born, you're alright Janis: #1 dad Janis: get your own mug Jimmy: *🏆 Janis: bit demanding, babe Jimmy: what kind of dad can I be if I don't have nowt to put my 🥃 in? Jimmy: size matters, babe Janis: 😏 Janis: join you once he thing is out Janis: only 🍷🍷 Jimmy: @ Helena for 💊 Jimmy: your back will be killing you Janis: if he's got a head size of yours, I'll 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I'll 🔪 it out for you, what could be more #goals? Janis: basically a doctor 😍 Jimmy: wasted on just giving 🧽 baths, me Janis: not quite bubbles and 🍾 but Jimmy: when we get to the party, you can have that Janis: we can? Jimmy: if you want Janis: what do you want? Jimmy: What kind of question is that? Janis: one you never answer Jimmy: one you know the answer to Janis: no Jimmy: yeah Janis: 😡 Jimmy: I want you, dickhead Jimmy: I've said it before Janis: not a 🚨⛓ to wanna hear it Jimmy: 💔 love a crime, keeps me in a job Janis: I'll commit another, hang on Jimmy: 😍 Janis: pretty sure how you're tryna make me feel in public is illegal Jimmy: 🚔'd quicker than the 🚍 Jimmy: and hang on, isn't it working? Janis: if only Janis: it's not not working, but it'd work better if you were here Jimmy: brb just gotta change uniforms 👮🚔🚨 Jimmy: be with you in a sec Janis: love a chase scene Jimmy: 💕 Janis: reckon this driver is a new boy too Janis: going well slow Jimmy: Oi don't lump me in with him Janis: you can still be 🍦 of the month, it's okay Jimmy: is it? first my stamina gets slagged off now it's my tempo Jimmy: gonna need a complaints 🗑 if you keep on Janis: babe Jimmy: soz I didn't ask you to fake 👰💍🤵 or 🤰 on day one, like Jimmy: dead slow, me 👻💔 Janis: like, do you even fake like me, OMG Jimmy: busted Jimmy: reckon you're a bit of a dickhead tbh Janis: 😱😱😱 Janis: brb, throwing myself under this bus Janis: probably going too slow to kill me, THANKS Jimmy: see, what's to like, can't even stick to the plan, you Janis: nu-uh Janis: 'cos I'm NOT dying, but you'll show and think I have and go and off yourself Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: don't you 🤏 at me Janis: cheek Jimmy: keeping 🔇 is one thing but denying you're dying right now is Jimmy: I know you are Jimmy: me an' all Janis: it's very inconvenient Janis: wanting you this much Jimmy: weren't part of the plan Janis: exactly Jimmy: but Janis: too late to stop ourselves now Jimmy: not if you want to Janis: I don't Janis: you know that Jimmy: Alright Janis: it is alright, ain't it Jimmy: with me Janis: you're hot, I'm hot, why wouldn't we Jimmy: I'm not gonna give you a list of why it's a 🥉💡 to do this Janis: we'll survive Jimmy: I don't care if I don't Jimmy: 💀💀💀 me Janis: hot Jimmy: I am, you are, you just said Janis: but seriously Janis: you are so Jimmy: I get it, you're taking 💀💀💀 me seriously an' all Jimmy: right now Janis: you have no idea Janis: if I was even as half as good with words Janis: you might feel a fraction of how I'm feeling Jimmy: I do though, you're doing a decent job of telling me Jimmy: and making me feel like I Jimmy: could just Janis: just Jimmy: 💀💀💀 here in front of everyone Janis: oh Jimmy: inconvenient, I think that were what you said Janis: on the counter, that's what you said Janis: what I'm 💭 Jimmy: I'm not closing up but when I am next Janis: promise Jimmy: are you asking me if I do or telling me you do? Janis: asking you to Jimmy: I wouldn't have said it else Jimmy: but okay Janis: your fake manager better not show up Jimmy: he gets us to so he don't have to Jimmy: 👻🥊 Janis: just saying, some prior warning if you wanna third Janis: no 💌 for you Jimmy: I'm alright with leaving the rest of the dickheads out Janis: good to know Janis: 'cos I don't really rate anyone else right now so Jimmy: I've never rated anyone 🥇 as you Janis: you don't need to chat me up Janis: I'm there already Jimmy: it's just a bit of honesty Jimmy: nowt to worry about Janis: you mean it? Jimmy: Why would I have bothered to say it if it weren't? Janis: I dunno Jimmy: the answer is that I wouldn't Janis: alright, I believe you Jimmy: 👍 Janis: me too Jimmy: ? Janis: I ain't rated anyone else this hard either Jimmy: it's the accent Janis: maybe Jimmy: when you're going all about modelling you'll hear some right ones Janis: obvs Janis: let you know your final ranking then, like Jimmy: Tah Janis: all the male models will be gay Jimmy: chuck them my number Jimmy: Ian will be well chuffed Janis: can't have that Jimmy: Oi, just 'cause you're the first I've fake dated no need to make sure you're the only Janis: you wanna real date them, don't lie Janis: make you look well 🥇 Jimmy: it weren't enough for you to make your brother gay, I'm next now Janis: yeah, my agenda Janis: if you spread that around, I'll 🥊 you Jimmy: UGH fine, I'll delete the tweet Janis: dick Janis: 😏 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: how old was you, when you got with your ex Jimmy: why? Jimmy: if you're undercover 👮 an' all, I might believe we're #fated Janis: 💔 now I'm #gutted Janis: dunno, just asking Jimmy: 🎻🎻😭 dunno what we're pissing about at if we're not 🖋 in the 💫 Janis: I'll turn 'round, you're right Janis: been fun Jimmy: 👋 Jimmy: good luck getting that pout and walk sorted out Janis: good luck getting a new muse Jimmy: probably just give up 🎨 nbd Janis: yeah right Janis: it's your 💘 and life Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: come be my personal 📸 and I'll think about it Jimmy: no expert but I don't reckon that's how it works Janis: then I don't wanna Jimmy: you don't need me to hold your hand Jimmy: 🏆💪 you Janis: don't like having my photo taken Jimmy: fake it then Jimmy: you've had loads of practice Janis: true Jimmy: I'll take more, you won't give a shit about 📸 by the time I've been dumped Janis: like it when you do Janis: maybe it's your process Jimmy: I'm sure any photographer'd be chuffed to have a crack at doing the same for you Jimmy: won't be as fit and mysterious as me but Jimmy: you'll live Janis: 🙌 Jimmy: 🥇💡 to keep the pull out and pray method in mind, take a bit of the homeland with you Janis: ha ha ha Janis: shut up now Jimmy: not having my fake baby raised by other photographers Janis: doubt I fancy explaining that sentence to anyone else Jimmy: you don't fancy it, nowt of Jimmy: so alright, I'll leave it out Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: it's all bullshit Janis: nothing real about it Jimmy: the 💰💰 is Jimmy: and ✈🌏 Janis: I'm not a Hadid Jimmy: I dunno who that is Janis: it'd be less 🤩 and more, local ads and old lady catalogs Jimmy: and what? Janis: ❌💰💰✈🌏 Janis: ✔ 🚌🚍 Jimmy: ✔🐕🏃 then Janis: so soz it ain't as glamorous Jimmy: I doubt standing about in 👙👗👠 waiting for 📸 is Janis: yeah Janis: stupid Jimmy: like the lasses who'd be 😤💚 or 😭💔 Janis: literal Janis: must not know you can't ask the photographer to facetune you just how you like Janis: the breakdowns they'd have with the proofs would be worth it Jimmy: the Q&A they'd die for but'll never get 'cause you're out Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: hmm Janis: could fake that Jimmy: a career? yeah works for Mia's dad Janis: 😂 Janis: my 🥇 inspo forever Jimmy: obvs Janis: sorted then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: be selling skinny tea on the socials in no time Jimmy: I'm not even gonna ask what the fuck that is Janis: laxatives Janis: 😋 Jimmy: 💀👑 would have to be fake nice to you for the discount Jimmy: not gonna put them on daddy's 💳 Janis: he's all about triggering that gag reflex Jimmy: my 🥇 inspo forever Janis: 😏 Janis: nice Jimmy: I am yeah Jimmy: SUCH a good lad Janis: not gonna disagree Jimmy: but you LOVE disagreeing with me, Judith Janis: maybe I LOVE making you feel like a lad more Jimmy: there's nowt you 💕 more than a challenge, I get it Janis: 'course Janis: far as you know Jimmy: #thickandnorthern Janis: #fitandmysterious Jimmy: don't remind me Janis: what else do you have to think about that's more fun than me? Jimmy: tip jar Janis: 💔😭 damn, can't compete Jimmy: gonna fare piss poor in this fake divorce now you've ❌💰💰✈🌏 Jimmy: gotta do something Janis: never would've got a penny out of me Janis: not a mug Jimmy: with Mia's dad having to choose sides it'll be 💔😭 all round Janis: how it's meant to be, isn't it Janis: get the best #drama out of the break-up Janis: Bill'll be happy, at least Jimmy: he'll be LIVING Jimmy: #ghostbants Janis: wow Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: am I ready to be a dad or what? Janis: you've got the jokes and the fashion, babe Jimmy: working on the body obvs 🍻🥔🥧 Janis: can't wait to be disgusted by you 💘 Jimmy: helping you fake your morning sickness is just the kind of lad I am Janis: don't need 💀👑 tips Jimmy: 💔😭🎻 for her Janis: good thing she's got the gals to look up to her Janis: not #2 she's clearly better at it, but the other ones Jimmy: I hope she goes live the day she does her in for surpassing her at starvation Jimmy: always need 💀💀💀 tips Jimmy: 🤞🥇💡 Janis: not gonna be as good as ours Jimmy: no need for us to make it look like an accident Jimmy: I know what I want Jimmy: not a tease like those pair Janis: if you were gonna lead me on that much Jimmy: you'd actually have to fake it Jimmy: can't have that Janis: shut up Janis: I'm 🥇 Jimmy: but still ain't been scouted as an actress have you, mate? Jimmy: says it all Janis: 'cos no one knows I'm in character Janis: called method acting, look it up dickhead Jimmy: you know I can't read Jimmy: bit bloody insensitive that you keep bringing it up Janis: 💁 Jimmy: be about right Janis: you started it Jimmy: bollocks Janis: you did too Jimmy: I never Janis: 😒 Jimmy: Oi don't be copying me Jimmy: [a 😒 selfie cos he's a nerd] Janis: oi yourself when you know that's a #kinkunlocked Janis: very rude Jimmy: or very nice Janis: you reckon? Jimmy: you don't? Jimmy: could just leave you with your 💭 Janis: subtle hint Jimmy: I know 🏆 Janis: dunno how good a photo you reckon I can take on this bus but Janis: challenge accepted Jimmy: you said you were 🥇 Janis: not at Jimmy: I rate you Janis: only 'cos I know you've got no mates to send 'em to Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: that why you're always trying to set me up on playdates? Janis: 1. when? 2. 'cos I want any nudes I do to get better views? yeah, obvs Jimmy: any teacher or coworker for a start Janis: that's you, you're insatiable Jimmy: tweet that and keep your nudes out of it Janis: blame me for your 😍 Janis: psh Jimmy: it's your fault Janis: nah Jimmy: yeah Janis: shh Jimmy: I can't 🔊 me Janis: I can Janis: call it your literary voice Jimmy: I still don't believe you can Janis: why not? Jimmy: experience Janis: what does that mean Jimmy: it means you never 🤐 Janis: 😑 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: you're a twat Jimmy: yeah Janis: literally not talking to you ever again Jimmy: sounds fake that does Janis: you'll see Jimmy: I don't want to Janis: well Jimmy: well you're still 🗨 Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: bye Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: yeah, party Jimmy: funny Janis: is it? Jimmy: what are you gonna do, get straight back on that 🚍 when you come off? Janis: I've got shit I can do, tah for the concern Jimmy: alright Janis: bit of a pisstake, actually Jimmy: what? Janis: you've dragged me out Jimmy: done nowt of the sort Janis: yes you have Jimmy: never made you do owt, real or fake Janis: you know what I mean Jimmy: I know you're being a dickhead Janis: then stop replying if that's what you reckon Jimmy: it ain't me who don't wanna talk Jimmy: that's your party trick Janis: it's me who talks too much Janis: can't have it both ways Jimmy: I didn't say I wanted it a different way Janis: stop being a headfuck Jimmy: stop taking what I say wrong Janis: if I could, I would Jimmy: why can't you? Janis: it's me, not you Janis: you just said it Jimmy: no need to make it sound like the start of a breakup Janis: how would you like me to say it Jimmy: just listen to me, how about that? Jimmy: I like how much you talk Jimmy: I like talking to you Janis: but then I don't know what to say back Janis: it's compliments Jimmy: I don't mind not having any back Jimmy: silence is alright an' all as long as it's not a 💔 one Janis: it's not fair Janis: you should feel uncomfortable and all, like Jimmy: I don't feel anything 👻 perks Janis: yeah Jimmy: I'll stop if it makes you feel better Jimmy: signing only or something Janis: I don't feel anything either, that's what you don't get Jimmy: fuming is a feeling, girl Janis: so's 😒 Janis: but we both know, not really Jimmy: we both know that's just my face Janis: sure Jimmy: go on Janis: you clearly feel shit Janis: and it ain't just me that don't like talking about it, that's as obvious Jimmy: What are you the 💕😭😒 👮? Janis: 🙄 just don't chat shit about my party trick when you're doing the same Jimmy: how am I? Jimmy: I've said loads to you Janis: I've said shit to you too Janis: I'm talking about now Jimmy: what about now? Janis: you're being weird Jimmy: what does that mean? Janis: dunno Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: let's leave it Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I dunno about any of this, alright Jimmy: and I do? Janis: more than me Jimmy: how'd you work that out? Janis: you've done it before Jimmy: no I've not Janis: real is more of a challenge, if anything, not less, so Jimmy: weren't disputing that Janis: so you have Jimmy: no I've not Jimmy: it weren't the same Janis: obviously not Janis: not at the core Janis: but there's still shit you can use Jimmy: oh yeah, hang on I'll crack on and❌ out whatever I can't then it'll be piss easy Janis: I'm not saying that it weren't real with your ex, you don't need to get defensive Jimmy: you're being a massive twat Janis: not trying to Jimmy: leave it, like you said Janis: alright then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Why would you say that? Janis: what part? Jimmy: that there's shit I can use Janis: not like a bad thing Janis: just pointing out it's harder for me Jimmy: how isn't it a bad thing to reckon I can just swap out one lass for another? Janis: if this was real, maybe Janis: just meant experience, like Jimmy: right Janis: I didn't mean it as a diss Jimmy: I'll dry my eyes then, tah for clearing that up Janis: yeah, yeah 😏 Jimmy: ✔ Janis: harsh Jimmy: if this were real, might be Janis: okay Janis: got it Jimmy: I don't reckon you do Janis: you never do Jimmy: alright, it's my fault Jimmy: that sounds real enough Janis: yeah, exactly what I was after Janis: cheers and tah Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: what do you want? Janis: don't you know that and all Jimmy: just asking for the fun of it, me Janis: letdown all 'round then Jimmy: it's been said Janis: not by me Jimmy: ⬆ there Janis: that was the first time Janis: 😭 accordingly Jimmy: I will do Janis: hmm Janis: wasn't very believable tbh babe Jimmy: I'll send you the video when I'm on my next break Janis: cool Jimmy: I'll try and look it 💔😎🚬 Janis: it's your whole brand so Jimmy: won't have to try very hard then Janis: 🙌 Jimmy: 🎬🏆🥇 Janis: post you your oscar Jimmy: bring it to the party Jimmy: save yourself the postage Janis: oh yeah Janis: 👍 one Jimmy: full of top quality 💡 me Janis: reason I keep you about Jimmy: duh Jimmy: see you there then Janis: alright Janis: in a bit Jimmy: 😘 Janis: [better skip to this party when you don't come around gal] Jimmy: [such fun] Jimmy: Oi, where am I headed? Jimmy: [after a bit when she has not replied] Jimmy: very helpful, you Jimmy: are we going to this party or what, dickhead? Jimmy: [after another bit] Jimmy: no? alright then Janis: [I'm thinking this is hours later, so the party is over] Janis: had to go somewhere Janis: say I'm at yours if anyone gives a shit Jimmy: tah for telling me when I could have done something to keep us #goals Jimmy: oh hang on, nah, you didn't Janis: sorry Janis: I'm busy Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: literally always Janis: this is different Jimmy: I don't care Jimmy: I didn't ask Jimmy: it's nowt to do with me, what's to do with me is that you didn't bother to tell me you weren't coming Janis: alright Janis: sorry again Jimmy: now you need me to cover for you, yeah Janis: don't if you can't be bothered Jimmy: I do what I say I'm gonna do Jimmy: you can piss off Janis: yeah well you ain't promised so do what you want Jimmy: I don't need to, it ain't that #deep Jimmy: we have a deal and I pull my weight with it Janis: I'm not wasting battery saying it again Jimmy: you heard me say piss off then Jimmy: on you go Janis: bye, Jimmy Jimmy: 👋 Janis: [that's that on that]