#I'm just a bit drunk and incensed about everything ATM bc like no one is sorting my lesbians out no one is sorting my kids out like WTF is

[akaanonymouth]

@briliantlybittr

It just poured out of me. This is how I write most of my fics, and develop most of my deep headcanons; slightly drunk with no filter, and just write 😂 Having said that, I was going to add to my post that maybe my thoughts are influenced by meeting Catherine and Jemma irl. Met Catherine after Bath; I hung back, there were a few fanatics surrounding her doing selfies and voicemails and what-not, and I wasn’t entirely sure I could pluck up the courage to speak to her; I was there on my own. It was the last night and she was evidently wanting to get away with her family, but as she was walking past me, she saw my notebook open and was like “do you want…[eyebrow raise]” I’ll never stop being ashamed of this till the day I die: I didn’t tell her I really admired her; I didn’t tell her I thought her performance was awesome; I was so aware that she was trying to go with her family that I just went “Just….just two minutes of your time…” and launched into a schpiel about my art and how I wanted her to contribute. She did, fair play, but when I decided to drive to London for the Berena con (I’m sure it was a ComicCon really, but I wouldn’t know) I honestly knew I couldn’t look Catherine in the chops, even though she 100% wouldn’t have remembered me. So I went to Jemma, bc I wanted her to contribute to the same art project that Catherine had, and she was so, so sweet (@marshfritillary can attest!) and it was beautiful, and then I had a photo with them both, and I just about held it together, but when I first walked up to the photo opp, I addressed th both with a quip, and Jemma started replying, but the photographer cut her off with a “smile!” and when I walked away, I could only look at Catherine and say thank you, bc by that point, I was a wreck and I knew Jemma owned my soul. But I was amazingly calm around Jemma in B'ham. I referred to the week previous in London where she’d contributed to my art project, and I gave her the 1st draft of the result, and she was so lovely. And basically, I said to her, “this is what I do, because I’m an eternal procrastinator, so by giving this to you, it’s gonna force me to do something with it.” And she was just like “thank you so much, that’s lovely.” And I have a lot of anxiety about not telling her (or Catherine, when I met her) that she was awesome in all of her roles, and I really admire her, but what I have to Jemma, had a bit of a blurb at the start, whereupon I not only said I was an eternal procrastinator and that’s why I was giving it to her, but that she was beautiful, and awesome, amazing etc (that’s how I wrote it, it was like a P.s. I’m a bit mortified) It was all about kindness and then we had a massive conversation about being kind to yourself, and then in the Q&A, someone asked her “if you could give your younger self a piece of advice, what would it be?” and she paused and said (and this may be wishful thinking, but her eyes scanned the room and landed) “Don’t procrastinate. Anything you want to do, just do it.” And something along the lines of “There is no other time.”

Anyway. TL;DR. I’d fall apart around both of them, but I can hold my shit together around Jemma more. Which makes me think that Serena would make me absolutely fall to pieces, whereas I could hold my own with Bernie.

Also, the three year old. God bless! My boy (he’s not mine but he may as well be) turned 4 end of July, and just started full time school. He cries every morning going in, the TA cwtshes him to sleep, he wakes up happy, then cries a bit at lunchtime because he hates the noise in the canteen and they have to walk past the nursery where he thinks he should be. It’s been 3 days in big school and I’m ready to whisk him away to the Amazon jungle forever just to see him smile again - this boy was made to be Tarzan, with Ape Mam cuddles, a ponytail, and sparkly nails.