#I'm in such a depressive funk I'm barely trying to talk to anyone anymore
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I'm so tired
#Realized these past few weeks that people just.... Don't believe I'm feeling like shit#Like. I'm basically suicidal#I haven't said this to anyone#Not explicitly but I've hinted at it#What I have said however is that I feel like I'm in very real danger of being physically harmed in my current living situation#And that I live closed off in my bedroom to avoid interacting with my abuser#And that it would help immensely if I could just hang out with my friends you know?#Just get out of the house#See human beings that don't drive me into a panic attack by just existing in the same room as me#But everyone basically treats me like I'm insane for being afraid#No one invites me for anything#Everyone is always busy when I seek company#So I just become more and more closed off#I'm in such a depressive funk I'm barely trying to talk to anyone anymore#I just don't have the strength#I'm basically off the radar in every social media and chatting app.#And even the people who I've reached out to and asked for help haven't. Realized#Or cared#I'm so tired of trying to keep going. What even is the point anymore#A few years ago my first therapist told me we aren't supposed to be sad. Not all the time. Not like this#And at the time that gave so much hope that things would get better#But now a days it just freaks me out because it doesn't feel like I will ever be able to feel anything but this.#To exist in any way but this. Alone. No conexions. Only interacting with family who hates me wants me dead or resents me#This isn't even bringing all my health issues into account#Therapy isn't even helping#I'm thinking of quitting#I can only see the money going away and no improvement at all#Personal tag
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