#I'm in an szpd group on fb and it's... somehow really alienating

[sonofsin]

feeling deeply broken as a person and as a human tonight. if I were a singlet and had my own body (own body. hah. I say as if I'm not the oldest regularly active alter by far.) I probably would never interact with other people beyond a customer/employee basis and almost never speak out loud. I could die and nobody would notice until the bills piled up or my body started to smell. that's what feels natural to me, and that's not right. we used to be so desperate for belonging and connection, and yet as a whole we've turned out largely antisocial and asocial. we've gone from being an open book and wearing our heart on our sleeve to being closed off, prickly, and very difficult to get close to. I shouldn't be like this. if I knew how to be normal about people, I would gladly take connection. I know it would be really good for me and it would probably do wonders for my healing- but instead, I'm like a wounded prey animal. attempts to get close to me or to get to know me feel like attacks. this isn't normal!!!!