#I'm gonna remake his icons when I get home !

[speciosuspoematis]

OOC: So I found a new hair that I think I prefer for Achaeus. The braids that go back into a flower on the very back of his head and I just think that suits so so well.

[breyito]

Batfamily Introduction- Matt Reeves universe

So...this is how I'd go about assembling the Batfamily in Reeves verse. I have (at least the movies about Jason) completely developed in my brain, but well, writing the scripts is a whole other issue. I could, but 2k fics are too much for me at the moment, so I thought I'd share this with the world, free some space in my brain, so to speak. Praying that someone out there, that has the actual pull to make this happen, reads this and maybe uses it a little. Mainly about Jason, because my poor boy deserves better, and an live action portrayal that is accurate and true to character, instead of the constant angst trainreck that is his life in the comics, for some reason.

The more detailed an idea is, the more doubts I have about it, idk. Dick's is less developed since pretty much everyone is familiar with him, so I kinda skipped him, sorry. And Damian...well, I don't know enough about him to write him much more than he is, and tbh, I'd like to do something with him and Jon more than anything else.

Here it goes!!! (Also, I'm just a fan, so please don't hate on this, yeah? If you don't like it, move on.)

Batman: Gravity / Gravitas/ Gravitational Pull

(Dick's origin story as Robin movie, Zucco,  Selina helps, Ace shows up, Zucco almost dies but D!R decides not to, little scenes with Batgirl (?),etc)

      •Robin the first*: Dick's solo movie when he's older, establishing the Titans (Babs, Roy, Donna, Joey(?)), Deathstroke as antagonist(?). He ends the movie as Nightwing (?).

Batman: Mind Games

(Jason as Robin origin story, Jason steals the Batmobile tires, B sends him to a home. Mad Hatter/ Dollmaker is buying kids from Ma Gunn's and Jay helps B & Gordon realize this and to put a stop to it, B ends up kidnapped and Nightwing isn't answering Agent A and Batgirl is holed up in the precinct with Gordon; so Jay dresses up as Robin and goes to try and stop the freak. He trips the rogue with his marbles and knocks him out, waiting until Batgirl/Nightwing come to free the hostages from the tech, keeping the conscious kids calm. Dick is surprised about Jay but not a dick about it. Bruce offers to adopt Jay, and says it's not necessary to be Robin too, but Dick Is all "unless you want to, little wing! I'm gonna teach you all the *best* moves B is too old to do!" Sue me, I want one happy Batfamily, ok? Ok).

      •Robin the second*: Jason's solo movie, Kid Devil Pen pal, Kyle(?), Rose(?), Gar(?) or the Titans say he's too little?; Catwoman/Ivy/Nocturna as mentors/aunts? Heist movie. Professor Pig/Toymaker as antagonist? He ends up saving the Titans/Batman despite the doubts about him.

Batman: "A death in the family"/[?]

(Garzonas/child trafficking ring; they butt heads about 'procedure' and 'too much violence'; Barbara is paralyzed; Jay looks for Haywood, she sells him out to Joker, Jason dies. A few months later, B gets called to deal with Flashpoint and finds out Flash is the reason Jay died ("Allen, you killed my son? You killed my SON!" "I'm sorry- Bruce, I'm-" "Effective immediately, Allen's tenure in the Justice League is terminated. Central City will be relegated to Wallace, if he's ready to take on the name." "Bruce!" "If he can not use his powers responsibly, he can not be trusted with them. Unless you want me to give you an antidote." "...you don't have one." "Are you willing to try me?" post-credit scene. Jay's hand breaking the ground of his grave post-post credit scene)

Batman: [?]/Bane of the City

(Tim as Robin Origin story. Broken back, Dick as Batman for a little while, they defeat Bane, Bruce heals a little bit, Barbara remakes herself as Oracle and saves their asses at a crucial moment, etc. Jason is alive and with the LoA, baby!Damián? post-credit scene.)

    •Robin the third*: Tim's solo movie, he finds Connor and goes against Lex? + Cassie and Bart, of course. Steph is introduced at the end (iconic brick-in-the-face moment).

Batman: Under the Red Hood/[?]

(RH takes over the Alley in a couple of weeks; steals the kryptonite and ruins deals for Black Mask; kills the leutenants of the mobs and gains control over them, etc. ("B, this guys is not out of control." "Dick?" "I'd say this guy is completely in control. Look at these! He hasn't killed a single innocent. Every one of these men and woman have charges for murder, rape, abuse, child pornography or molestation, human trafficking... and all of them got away with it or got the minimal sentence or had the charges dropped or the witnesses killed. They weren't casualities, they were targeted." "It doesn't matter, he's still killing people." "Yeah, bad people! The worst society has to offer." "Dick..." "Bruce, we have bigger problems than a man that keeps the civilians out of things, the children protected and only takes his rage on the worst of humanity.") Jason still attacks Tim at TT, but only to keep him out of the final confrontation -broken wrist, ankle and bruised ribs- ("No more dead Robins" is written in Jason's blood on the wall). Jason as RH reveal; B accepts Jay killing Joker -he turns around and gives him permission- but the damn clown blows up the building before he can and scapes even after RH shoots him a few times. Jason collapses in Bruce's arms, sobbing, terrified. B asks Jay to comes home and he does, to a heartfelt reunion. Jason apologizes to Tim, giving him the R he cut off the Robin suit in the case instead of the one he took in the Tower. Damian's existence bomb drop post-credit scene. One big happy Batfamily, see?).

    •Robin the fourth*: Steph's solo movie. She starts the movie as Spoiler, ends the movie as Robin but dead. Steph tries to stop her dad, meets R!Tim, they fall in love somewhere in the middle. R!Tim wants her as part of the Titans, she refuses cuz her mom doesn't know about Spoiler and she wants to stay in Gotham due to Cluemaster. Jack Drake forces Tim to give up Robin (Steph finds out his identity due to him screaming threats to Bruce) and Bruce offers R to her a few days later, she agrees. Tim doesn't like ir, but Steph is Tim's only contact with the Batfam, so he's ok-ish with it. Cluemaster realizes his daughter is Spoiler/the new Robin and sells the info to Sionis, hoping he'll get him out of prison (he thinks Black Mask will use it to find out who Batman is, not torture her to death, but still). B&Steph butt heads, some "you're too much like Jason" comments/classism thrown her way (Jason is in the LoA trying to convince Talia to give up Damian to B, btw) She starts a war between two gangs to stop them destroying her block/neighborhood's business and homes. BM kidnaps her then, and tries to torture the info of Batman and Red Hood (his bitter enemy) out of her. She holds out until N&B&RH rescue her, but too late. She "dies" then ("was I a good Robin?" "you were a great Robin"). (Post-credit scene is her waking up gasping in a hospital bed, her window shows a Savanna.)

Batman: Blood Son/ Blood Feud

(Damian gets to Gotham to witness the end tail of the gang war after Steph's death. Tim is back in the Manor, back as Robin (he put on the suit to stop the war and BM; since Jack is in a coma he doesn't care anymore), working with B & N & RH to clean things up. R almost kills BM by beating him, so RH puts a blade to the guy's throat and says he will kill him if Tim says the word. Tim, in the end, says no. RH then cuts through BM's spinal cord, leaving him paralyzed. ("As a compromise" he grins savagely at Batman, winking.) Damian tries to off Tim the moment they meet, but Tim is very on edge and puts him down quickly and brutally ("You want to be Robin, remplace Steph, with *those* skills? Ha! Give me a break/Pathetic.") Dick tries to explain how fragile Tim is at the moment, while Jason & Alfred try to make them bond by cooking together, and B makes them solve cold cases together (it turns into a competition, of course, but since it ends with Tim spending less Time on the field, B doesn't stop it). Jack dies after an attack at the hospital by Cap Boomerang; after the funeral he goes out as RR, to get revenge. Zsasz gets him first, since RR is out of it. Damian -who was following him, not worried- ends up saving Tim after Zsasz kidnaps him on BM's orders, as payback. He stalls Zsasz until the others get there and cuts off one of his arms while trying not to kill him. (I wanna add Killer Croc here somehow, he's hired but Damián either convinces him to leave or beats him by drugging him or something). While Tim is recovering in the hospital/cave he passes the R to him. (''You'll do a good job." "Tt, of course I will." "Just...maybe get a less sharp weapon?" "Because blunt force trauma is more elegant?" "Nop. It's usually less deadly, tho."))

The (*) means I have no idea for a tittle. I know I want it to be secuencial, like a series, because that's what they are lol.

[rorykillmore]

Ohhhh now I'm so curious about your taste. Recc me some good female-led horror in general!

god listen horror has become a great genre for women, i’m so proud. arguably it was once a lot worse (which is why not that many older films are on this list) but even then... it was casting women as leads where a lot of genres weren’t tbh. here you go! 

suspiria (2018 remake & 1977 original) - i have to rec both although they might be to VERY different tastes. same basic concept; “american girl attends prestigious european dance school and finds it is run by a coven of witches”. the remake is political, poignant, a lot quieter and more slow-moving while the original is vivid, vibrant, not particularly narrative coherent but you will NEVER forget the visuals and the sound design. both feature mostly female casts and center on relationships between women. 

warnings:  lots and lots of blood/gore/body horror in both. the original is very showy with its blood and guts but it also all looks very Fake for deliberate aesthetic purpose. the remake is a bit more sparse with it but when it comes, it’s a LOT

halloween (2018 BUT ALSO the 1978 original cause you gotta) - i mean... i can’t not rec the original halloween because it produced one of the most iconic women of horror of all time (along with, of course, one of the most iconic villains) but also. the recent 2018 sequel. does an AMAZING job exploring female trauma, mother/daughter relationships, and just generally features a lot of Women Kicking Ass. good option if you like slashers.

warnings:  uh... a lot of people die, on screen, blood and guts. sorry i do not remember a lot of specific deaths in the remake, but the original is VERY tame by today’s standards. 

us (2019) - i feel like us needs little introduction. everyone knows about us. if you haven’t seen it, you’re missing out on an incredibly fucking performance (or technically, perfomances) by lupita nyong’o

warnings: mostly blood but also some weird surrealist imagery if you’re sensitive to that kind of stuff

hereditary (2018) - hereditary is a heavy film i would only recommend if you’re steeled for... well, heavier subject matter. it’s a lot to do with grief and family trauma and the horrors of that. BUT toni collette’s performance is INCREDIBLE, i’ll go to my grave saying she should have gotten an oscar nom for it.

warnings: uhhh boy. blood, body horror, child death, animal death im pretty sure, LOTS OF UNCOMFORTABLE EMOTIONS

the babadook (2014) - i’m actually not as big of a fan of this one as some people were (not that i DISLIKE it, i just haven’t felt compelled to go back and revisit in awhile) but it’s another really compelling lead female performance comparable to hereditary while being perhaps not... quite as heavy (though still heavy), so it’s worth checking out!

warnings: i’m sorry i haven’t seen this in so long, i don’t remember. i’m pretty sure it’s not super graphic though. i think there’s a weird vomiting scene in it? also it bears mentioning that this and hereditary do some metaphorical and literal examination of mental illness

annihilation (2018) - featuring four women in the lead roles, and people. LOVE. this movie. for good reason. i’m slightly biased because i read the (very different) source material first and lean towards that but this is a STUNNING movie in its own right.  if you’re looking for some good sci fi/horror with some really thought-provoking themes, annihilation’s well worth checking out.

warnings: LOTS OF BODY HORROR, also self harm/suicide. probably some other stuff

happy death day (2017) - if you’re looking for some lighter fare, happy death day is SO much fun. very campy, very funny, very... affectionate towards the slasher genre and its own characters. WONDERFULLY entertaining female lead. it’s basically slasher movie groundhog day. there’s no way you’re not gonna have a good time.

warnings: i don’t really think there are many. people die obviously and there is one scene where a girl hangs herself but it’s a pg-13 movie so nothing’s really grpahic

you’re next (2013) - really, REALLY fun subversion of the slasher/home invasion genre here. not... quite as light as happy death day, but definitely not as dark as some of the other entries on this list. very clever and tongue-in-cheek! i can’t say much about the lead without spoiling EVERYTHING but she is phenomenal and you will not regret watching her. most people who watch this movie fall in love with it

warnings: usual blood, gore, etc.

absentia (2011) - do you like the haunting of hill house? hush? oculus? mike flanagan directed all of those, and absentia was really his first kind of... delving into the horror genre before those. it’s a quiet, low budget little movie that’s not very well known but it has stayed with me for years. very poignant, haunting story about a relationship between two damaged sisters and their respective... healing journeys. SO good.

warnings: almost everything happens off screen tbh. there’s a bit of scary imagery but like i said it’s pretty low budget and they make better use of what you DON’T see than what you do 

jennifer’s body (2009) - i feel like jennifer’s body has practically reached cult status by this point. do i really need to introduce it? female-led monster movie. GAY female-led monster movie. girl falls in love with her best friend, best friend gets possessed by a demon. written by the eternally witty diablo cody. need i say more.

warnings: i think there’s some gross body horror in a few parts but that’s about it

the silence of the lambs (1991) - very much a crime thriller first, horror movie second, but. yes, silence of the lambs. if you like mystery-thriller-serial killer stories, you can’t go wrong with this. everyone knows it for hannibal lecter but clarice starling is an AMAZING protagonist and very ground-breaking in a lot of ways for the time. it’s a movie that actually actively examines sexism

warnings: hannibal lecter and buffalo bill are freaks, they do stuff like skinning and eating people

alien (1979) - just to include another right and proper classic on this list, ellen ripley is still one of the best women in fiction EVER. you like sigourney weaver? scary monsters? claustrophobic spaces? go back and watch alien. i’d also recommend the sequel, aliens, and i also have a soft spot for prometheus (2012). people are very split on prometheus but i think it had AMAZING potential and, again, great female characters

[baekhvuns]

BREAKING THE WALL once again... I'm AWAKE now (actually barely, but thanxx for yelling lol) aaaand our bird on the thumbnail! If they drop the medley tomorrow at 6 too 🤡 I won't be awake for once, but Friday??? I'll be there 🤗

Alright sooooo this is the ranking *nervous laughter* I'm ready to be cancelled. It was difficult, but I tried to be decisive </333 no hard feelings, most are almost on the same level. But seriously, bear in mind I appreciate all your stories, some just hit more than others, it all depends on various things, but my main point is "which ones did/will I re-read" let me know if you want me to elaborate further and explain myself lol

1. Bodyguard

2. TTWHY

3. Rewrite the Stars

4. LNFILA

5. Duke/Khronos

6. Mr & Mrs Park

7. Just Friends

What do you think, are you shocked 👀 what's your list? I need to think more about Seonghwa's, but I can feel that one will be much different which is hilarious

Absolutely INVU! The album is great, though I don't listen to slower songs that often, but I can play the whole album and be happy <3 I'm usually not the one to bitch about "X is the worst year in kpop" especially since lots of comebacks are coming, but something about this year hits less. We got some gems obviously, but a lot of groups disappoint. I loved the whole Oddinary which is shocking, hopefully same things happens with Movement

London's black taxis are iconic, but that's about it siudusjsjskdhdhshs, yeah expensive af. Other European taxis are just random cars, not so pretty

I know right? Cocomelon...? I'm afraid to ask. And the way they remake some of the shows in 3D like Winnie the Pooh I fucking cried when I randomly saw it once 😭😭😭😭 not my honey bear and his friends. Do you have fave childhood cartoons?

Our coconut head (my dreams of long haired Hwa just keep dying.... sigh) was so precious during that live which I kinda missed despite being at home I was just watching something else, butttt me and my friends bought the succulents set and the bouquet 2 weeks ago! So happy he got the succs too awww, but the fucking Starry Night I NEED. It costs as much as some of Hwa's limited pcs 🥴🥴🥴🥴 but really I thought "hope Lego gifted Hwa the Starry Night" 💗 *cries and dies*

I can't take care of plants and flowers, but if someone gifted me Lego flowers 😌 look at our flower

I chose San, cause he's in my bias line, but you can have whoever, I just think Woodies (is that the name? I keep confusing them) are very deprived 😅

Shittt I remember that AU now 👀 the worst nightmare, some little asshole from school getting rich meh. Unless it's Hwa ofc

I laughed at the random Woo in the sea of Hybe men lmao I got "in another life" aka soulmates, not my fave trope, but it can be well-done. Btw have you watched Makoto Shinkai's movies? Your Name, but Seonghwa AU <3 a new one is coming out this year, can't wait to tear up again. Weathering with You made me cry especially hard - DV 💖

hi hello!!

BREAKING THE WALL once again... I'm AWAKE now (actually barely, but thanxx for yelling lol) aaaand our bird on the thumbnail! If they drop the medley tomorrow at 6 too 🤡 I won't be awake for once, but Friday??? I'll be there 🤗

BFKWJDKE THE SEONGHWA AND BESTIE TODAYS THE FUCKINF SONG HIGHLIGHTS ITS TIME TO CLAIM SONGS 😭😭😭 also to preorder the album 🫠 IM BETSIEHFHWKDHWK CYBERPUNK AND SECTOR 1 AND NEW WORLDv,??????? ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE KPOP MADE AN ALBUM THIS GOOD

Alright sooooo this is the ranking *nervous laughter* I'm ready to be cancelled. It was difficult, but I tried to be decisive </333 no hard feelings, most are almost on the same level. But seriously, bear in mind I appreciate all your stories, some just hit more than others, it all depends on various things, but my main point is "which ones did/will I re-read" let me know if you want me to elaborate further and explain myself lol

LMFAOOOO BDBDHD NO UR NOT GONNA BE CANCELED DUDHD NO THATS PERFECTLY FINE! I LOVE SEEING THE RANKINGS BC SOME SURPRISE ME BY “u lIKE THAT??”

1. Bodyguard

2. TTWHY

3. Rewrite the Stars

4. LNFILA

5. Duke/Khronos

6. Mr & Mrs Park

7. Just Friends

What do you think, are you shocked 👀 what's your list? I need to think more about Seonghwa's, but I can feel that one will be much different which is hilarious


IM SO SURPRISED REWRITE THE STARS IS UP SO HIGH???? it’s like the early days of writing so i know it’s crappy in that terms so iM vv surprised that it’s even on the list fbfbfb LMFAOOOO I FEEL LIKE BB!HWA MIGHT BE NO1 ON UR LIST OTHERWISE I AGREE WITH UR LIST

for me it’s like :

1. mr and mrs park

2. ttwhy

3. let’s not fall in love, again

4. bodyguard

5. just friends

6. khronus

7. rewrite the stars

8. duke

do not ask why duke is there quite self explanatory 🔫

Absolutely INVU! The album is great, though I don't listen to slower songs that often, but I can play the whole album and be happy <3 I'm usually not the one to bitch about "X is the worst year in kpop" especially since lots of comebacks are coming, but something about this year hits less. We got some gems obviously, but a lot of groups disappoint. I loved the whole Oddinary which is shocking, hopefully same things happens with Movement

RIGHT !!!!! sometimes using invu as background noise >>>> d.o’s rose album is truly so comforting! i play it during i work or study or commute and my mood just 🤩🤩 nO i agree as well,, something about the ay ever since late last year to this year the cb’s have been repetitive or extremely experimental to the point it’s not even music anymore 😭😭😭 some groups were absolutely great! POOT MAH SNEAKERS ON FBWMDHEKHDEK GREAT ✊🏼 AMAZING ✊🏼 tbh i,,, for summer i kinda be expecting a full album of just summer genre,, kinda like exo’s kokobop album? it’s been years and i still play it every summer (today as well) and idk if it’s a lot to ask but groups these days don’t make cb’s that are memorable for a long time, it’s like releasing a song is a trend now and everyone’s doing it instead of making some really good music they also like to perform <3

London's black taxis are iconic, but that's about it siudusjsjskdhdhshs, yeah expensive af. Other European taxis are just random cars, not so pretty

LMFAOOOO i will channel my james bond whenever i get out of those black taxis 🔫 there’s some ugly taxi cars here too 😭😭😭

I know right? Cocomelon...? I'm afraid to ask. And the way they remake some of the shows in 3D like Winnie the Pooh I fucking cried when I randomly saw it once 😭😭😭😭 not my honey bear and his friends. Do you have fave childhood cartoons?

LMFAOOOO HDKWHDKW COCOMELON IS SO DUMB 😭😭😭🤚🏼 ???????????????? 3D WINNE THE POOH????? WHAT THE FUCK???? omg my favourites are shinchan, dragon tales, max and ruby, MADELINE, oswald!, clifford, pingu, hey look since im younger than u SOME ARE IN THE LATER YEARS OK anyways angelina ballerina <3

Our coconut head (my dreams of long haired Hwa just keep dying.... sigh) was so precious during that live which I kinda missed despite being at home I was just watching something else, butttt me and my friends bought the succulents set and the bouquet 2 weeks ago! So happy he got the succs too awww, but the fucking Starry Night I NEED. It costs as much as some of Hwa's limited pcs 🥴🥴🥴🥴 but really I thought "hope Lego gifted Hwa the Starry Night" 💗 *cries and dies*

LMFAOOOO 😭😭😭😭😭 no fr he was so cute and his cheeks 😭😭🤚🏼🤚🏼 and his wide eyes 😭😭😭 AAAAAAA DID U GUYS COMPLETE THE SUCCULENTS?? IF LEGO DOESNT MAKE HIM THEIR AMBASSADOR WE DONT WANT IT that starry night looks sO DIFFICULT FBFBF ??????? WHAAAT????? AS MUCH AS PC’S????? omg stopppp 😭😭 buying albums atp is an investment fbfb

I can't take care of plants and flowers, but if someone gifted me Lego flowers 😌 look at our flower /// I chose San, cause he's in my bias line, but you can have whoever, I just think Woodies (is that the name? I keep confusing them) are very deprived 😅

THAT IS SO VERY TRUE ID DISPLAY AND SHOW THEM OFF EVERYWHERE,,, LMFAOOOO WOODIES ARE DEPRIVED?? 😭😭 their smut corner is 🔫🔫

Shittt I remember that AU now 👀 the worst nightmare, some little asshole from school getting rich meh. Unless it's Hwa ofc

JFBWKFJW UHUH EXACTLY THAT BUT ITS A LITTLE ✨✨✨🤌🏼 maybe i’ll write it fully one day 😭😭😭 kai will also make his appearance dhdh

I laughed at the random Woo in the sea of Hybe men lmao I got "in another life" aka soulmates, not my fave trope, but it can be well-done. Btw have you watched Makoto Shinkai's movies? Your Name, but Seonghwa AU <3 a new one is coming out this year, can't wait to tear up again. Weathering with You made me cry especially hard - DV 💖

THE SEA OF HYBE DBDBBVS omg soulmates au??? reminds me of atozfic’s hwa fic! omg but soulmates arENT THAT BAD,,, no maybe they are a little bit, a LITTLE,, YES I HAVE WATCHED YOUR NAME AND I SAW THAT TRAILER IM SO VERY EXCITED !!!! I ALSO RLY LIKE FLAVOURS OF YOUTH!! might go watch it in theatres tbh the visuals would be iNSANE omg i haven’t watched weathering with u,,, hOW IS IT?? i got this btw!

[stillsolo]

for the first in a while, I'm gonna ... try to take it easy, today.  

I actually have a lot to do but I really need to chill the fuck out for a second and take a breather.  my OCD's made my life remarkably difficult lately and I've begun to disassociate in order to cope.  I know disassociation plays a key role in obsessive-compulsive disorders; I know my OCD's fairly severe and it's been getting worse as I get older, but I'm not...usually this bad.  Even when under stress.

for example, a batch of 200 commissioned banner icons suddenly turns into 400+, and I'm still not done because I can't stop keep remaking them.  

oh, this one's coloring is off. but these frames are split second to each other ... can't have that, gotta redo 'em. 

 wait, the pixels are...'weird' looking in the corner, here.  rejected.

this one could've been cropped way better.  how could I expect them to use this?

why is this one in the 'final version' folder when the border around it overlapped a part of the icon?

I need to redo these 73 because the shadow is too dark and blocky beneath the icon.  it’s supposed to be a fade.  it’s what they ordered and you’re not giving them what they asked for. 

someone's paying you for this shit get it TOGETHER

yesterday, my OCD got triggered about 3 times?  I have a couple of forms.  I had a breakdown in front of my mother after she came home and asked me if I ate and I know I must've made some kinda stupid face that gave it away because seconds after she'd asked, I realized I didn't know what the hell ate other than the toast she'd watched me eat before she left for work at 9am.  It was 11pm when she asked.  

I also had mini-breakdown while talking to my customer and it was terribly embarrassing.  I got a nosebleed to top it all off too lmao  ( i'm so sorry if you're reading this, john omfg you've been the best to me and I'm sorry because I'm sure all you'd wanted was icons to rp sdfkjsd )

but I just. 

All of my friends think OCD is just me having high ass standards or just being 'know-it-all'.  I've been called that all my life.  In fact, I've been called that by friends I thought would never say anything like that about me because I thought we were friends

We live in this new age of 'awkward is cute'.   It's hip to be square, cool to be uncool, and sexy to be nerdy and quirky.  and there isn’t any better way to declare your individuality and weirdness than branding yourself 'so OCD' about something.  

Ahaha.

I fucking loathe people who do this.

OCD isn't a quirk or a set of tendencies.  It's not fucking buzzf.eed list, not a little buzzf.eed quiz you can take and readily relate to the results; it's an incapacitating, isolating disease that makes you afraid of your own mind.

If my friends could see, just once, what it's like for me, when I'm caught in an obsessive-compulsive loop, maybe then they'd finally understand me when I say ''''it's bad''''.

Even Something as simple as drawing a line-art from a sketch turns into a complete and total nightmare.  8/10 times, I'll redraw the line-art like — hm, I don' dunno — about 7 fuckin' times in a row, then, delete all of it because IDK, it wasn't 'right'?  ( Who am i kidding; I do the same with sketches ヽ(・ω・)ﾉ  )

Oh, yeah, for sure.  Me and my ‘high fucking standards' did this.

NO.  No one in their right mind would do this.  They wouldn’t re-draw the same fucking drawing 7 times in a row and the same layer style over and over, not even changing things up to maybe get some progress.      Nobody.  Jfc.

And oh, god, that moment when you realize, it's been more than 8/9 hrs since you began and you haven't eaten or drank anything; you don't remember the last time you looked at your phone or what the hell happened to the time because last time you looked, it was 11am and now it’s 9:48pm.

Moreover, you made exactly zero progress on your project — because IDK — there’s no valid reason?  JUST COULDN'T STOP HA

I never thought I would talk about this, but uh, Y'all know how much I love han.  I want Han to be seen in the best light possible.  while SW has been one of the few things that have held a light in my life, he's helped me become a better person in more ways than I can articulate.  and no, I don't mean I suddenly started picking trash up off the highways.

I mean, by writing him in this amazing place filled with people I don’t have IRL who share my interests, I’ve met so many new people, friends, learned so many lessons, about characters and life and writing.  

When I began writing Han, here, I had just learned what present and past tense was in English.  I was winging my writing, trying really hard to understand.  English isn't my first language.  In Cantonese, my native language, there's no such thing as a past tense.  

By writing Han with you guys, I've taken huge steps in life, without even realizing it. 

So, everything I do for han, I want for it to be good.  

Not outstanding, and definitely not exemplary or nonpareil — just ... good. 

And icons — haha.  I love icons.  I love and hate making them.  similar to my writing, I work very hard on his icons.  ... but I need to learn where to draw the line.  

I once remade an icon 23 times before I was happy with it.  ( i had 23 versions left in my folder lmao ).  like these here?  10 versions of each, in the least. 

( the last one is kinda an exception... I think.  I made that one well over 25 times, for sure.  but I think it's because I'm not accustomed to Blaine's coloring yet. ) 

Wow, this really turned into a long post.  I don't really care, though.  My OCD is something that has always been completely ignored IRL.  Shit, it's ignored by even my online friends.  I can't even game online without one of them thinking I must get off on establishing my superiority and overall knowledge of '???’ game.  Haha.

'Show me your build?' :D 'Er...nah. I think I'll pass.' 'Why?  What's the matter?' 'You'll pick it apart.'

It's never considered 'advice' when it's from me.  It's me as a know-it-all, as someone who looks down on others for not having up-to-par stats. 

I'm sorry I did the math for you so you wouldn't have to.  This is simply advice you're free to toss aside, but it's not like it matters.  Even if I reassured that—you're already too annoyed to listen for any longer.

So, I’ll also apologize for how I can recall faction modifiers, body part modifiers, critical hit and stealth modifiers, as well as debuffs; how a certain amount of damage of one type turns into inflicted damage to a target while considering type modifiers and armor, and knowing the damage formulas needed to calculate the number of hit points required to kill an armored or unarmored target, with or without a finisher multiplier figured in — because I want you to do the very best with your weapon of choice, even though I can name 5 different weapons that utterly outclass it by tenfold. 

In reality, I never had much of choice.  Information like that doesn't stop looping in my mind, even at night, when all I want is to sleep.

Sometimes ... I wish I could be that one character on a comedy show who has a quirky disorder or ''OCD'' and everyone seems to love him for it because he's funny when he does it or he's generally helpful 

More often than not, my OCD just ruins everything.  I don't feel like I belong anywhere.

I need to take a breather.