#I'm gonna look like a shedding lizard in a day or two

[theoktiste]

So, BF and I went on a nice little trip yesterday. We looked at some cool plants, ate some delicious seafood, saw a bear crossing the road, it was great.

When we got home I discovered that I had made a mistake. You see, I had neglected to put on sunscreen before we went out. I had also failed to take into account the possibility of us driving with the top down. These two things combined led to me having the most ridiculous sunburn--the top half of my face is bright red, except for the unburned space around and between my eyes, in the exact shape of my sunglasses. There are even tiny slivers of white clinging to the tops of my eyebrows.

The thing is, I have a big nose. I've always had a big nose; I'm used to it at this point. I usually don't even notice it. But now? It's fire engine red. It looks ten times bigger than it actually is. I looked in the mirror this morning and saw this:

(Image source)

Help me, Aloe-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | The Last Boy Scout (Scott, 1991)

There's undeniably something ugly about the way this movie views women. You have one hero, Bruce Willis, who drops by his house, immediately suspects his wife of cheating on him, waves a gun around, is revealed to be right, shoots a family photo on the way out, and the movie basically supports his point of view. And you have the other hero, Damon Wayans, who arguably has the healthier relationship with women, introduced as having cheated on his girlfriend, who he also gets annoyed with when she gets chatty with the first hero at the bar. Neither the wife nor the girlfriend get to exercise much in the way of agency, the former being reduced to one dimensional shrillness only to embrace her husband at the end as he tenderly spouts vulgarities at her, the latter not making it past the first act and essentially being defined by a past relationship with a sleazy NFL bigwig. The only female character to have much in the way of agency is Willis' daughter, who gets characterized in vile, uncharitable terms and then has a joust of profanities with her father.

Because this is was written by Shane Black, who can't help but write colourful dialogue, some of these scenes manage to be entertaining, if only in a lizard brain way. ("Buy a dog.") Like Eddie Murphy's Raw, the brutal precision in the delivery of punchlines shakes a laugh out of you despite the pungency of the material. You might not like that you're laughing, but you're laughing. But at the same time, this is all plunged in a certain self-loathing, which might make some of this a bit easier to sit through. We meet Willis as he's sleeping in his car and some punk ass kids drop a dead squirrel on him, then watch him pathetically trying to compose himself as he prepares for the day, appraising himself as he looks in the mirror. "Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. You're gonna lose. Smile, you fuck." And we meet Wayans as he broods over a sleeping woman who is definitely not his girlfriend, pops a bunch of pills so he can "get by", set straight a friend who is treating a woman abominably and look glum about his life situation. Of course these guys have issues with women. They have issues, period.

And over the course of the movie, they rediscover their self respect and regain the luster that had dimmed. Willis, the former secret service agent who saved the president's life (seen in flashback, resembling the Jimmy Carter mask in Point Break) but lost his job after confronting a sleazy, perverted senator, shedding his hungover aura of booze and stale cigarettes and slowly transforming from his zombified state to the hero he once was. Wayans, shedding his insecurity and proving to everyone that his reputation for the best arm in the league was well earned. The movie pushes the two against each other, having them bristle and eventually bond, each doing wonders with the dialogue even as they operate in different registers. Perhaps because the movie starts them off so low, and because of the dignity both actors bring to their roles, I found I was quite moved by their arcs.

And on top of all this, this is just an amazingly fun action movie directed by one of the kings of action movies, Tony Scott, who keeps the movie in hyperdrive. It's got that beautiful shimmering look that Scott's movies had during this period, but with intriguing variations. You get sparkling champagne magic hour look in the daytime scenes, but you also get intense moody blues at night, almost out of a dystopian science fiction movie. The screenplay by Shane Black, in addition to giving texture to the heroes, is great about keeping the convolutions of the plot easy to follow and finding ways to twist tense situations with juicy dialogue. (At one point, Willis avoids being killed by colourfully describing the girth of his assailant's wife. "Now I'm not saying she's fat, her high school picture was an aerial photograph.") And because of the pervasive misogyny and self-loathing, and because the movie opens with Billy Blanks gunning down opposing football players and blowing his own brains out during a game, there's a corrosive quality to the movie that gives the action an added kick. Every explosion goes extra loud. (The best one has a car crash into a pool, blow up, and then get blasted a few extra times by Willis for good measure.) Every gunshot sprays as much blood as a splatter movie. And if you get both explosions and gunshots in the same scene, like the poor bastard who's shotgunned repeatedly while on fire, that's just icing on the action movie cake.

[mg-cg-me-cx]

*poster covered walls, bright 90’s pop art, Caroline sits crisscross on her bed with a red electric guitar in her lap, her bright, multi-colored quilt draped across her bed, clothes strewn along the floor. Fairy lights outlining her vanity and various makeup and hair brushes scattered on the desk. A brown box peaks out from under the cover of her blanket underneath her bed. *

Caroline’s Mom: *shouts* Dinner!

*bright yellow and warm red striped sock hop of the bed and Caroline starts down stairs. Her brothers pile down the stairs at the same time pushing and shoving each other without effecting Caroline. Caroline, with a disconnected look upon her face isn’t bothered by her brothers' rowdiness. *

Caroline’s Mom: *a casserole dish lands in the middle of the filled table* Caroline take those ear phones how you’re at the dinner table.

Caroline: *with a straight face, gently removes her ear buds* sorry

Austin: what the hell is up with you

Caroline’s Mom: Austin Michael! Watch your mouth! A nice family dinner means nothing to you people!

Caroline’s Dad: give it up Leila that never works can you pass the carrots please?

Leila: *Handing Randall a steaming bowl of carrots* I want some order in this family Randall!

Jackson: can I have some carrots too dad?

Randall: sure, Jack one second and I want some carrots Leila have a seat please

*with an annoyed sigh Leila struts back into the kitchen. the dining room table in empty of conversation but filled with the desire to communicate. The boys fight over bright orange carrots and fill their plate to the point of over flowing. Caroline has a neat plate green beans, orange carrots, red beats, white creamy potatoes, bright white chicken breast separated into thinner pieces.The dad is much like the boys to the mothers disappointment. Caroline is just Caroline. the enigma of the family. neat but not obsessive. determined but not competitive. Caroline is a balance, but to two completely opposite sides of the spectrum like Randall and Lelia she is impossible to crack.*

Randall: how's guitar practice going Armadillo

Caroline: *slight smile* good thank you

*Armadillo has always been his nick named for her. it meant a lot to her, like her one connection to something meaningful. Guitar was another portal to reality, but only because it came from him. She loved her dad.*

Leila: *walks back into the kitchen to see the boys rough housing and making a mess* Randall!

Randall: *fed up with her constant stress* what

Leila: tell the boys to stop making such a mess!

Randall: boys! listen to your mother for once she's had a rough day.

*Leila sits down finally as the boys removed their intertwined forks from their fork battle.*

Austin and Jackson: sorry mom

Leila: it's okay boys so how was everyone's day?

*Austin and Jackson at the same time*

Austin: good in class today Mr. Jarvis talk about reptiles

Caroline: good

and how they shed their skin and gross bigger and i know i think i want a lizard.

Jackson: awesome i saw a rocket launch into space and

Caroline: good

i wanted eat astronaut food and meet the alien king and rule my own planet

*all three smiling after their descriptions of their days, Randall looks down at his food with big eyes attempting to absorb all the information.*

Leila: well good i'm glad everyone is happy and learning.

Randall: Armadillo? How was your day?

*Caroline glances up at here father. the table is quiet, a waiting her answer.*

Caroline: i said it was good.

Randall: yeah, but what did you do?

Caroline: *swallows* oh hm, i practice guitar *smiles* that's going well. there was salisbury steak for lunch today and that was kinda gross. uhh that's kinda it.

Leila: that's it? what about your classes? how are your gra-

Randall: sounds like a pretty average day huh?

Caroline: *smiles* yea pretty average

*Lelia shakily drops her fork on her plate, the room shutters.*

Lelia: Randall can i talk to you in the kitchen for a moment?

*Lelia stands and walks into the kitchen.*

Jackson: is mommy okay daddy

Randall: *standing* she's fine honey just finish those beans for me and i'll be down to play wars with you and your brother in just a minute.

*Austin puts his hand on Jackson's back to comfort him.*

Jackson: okay

*Randall pushes in the chairs and enters the kitchen*

Caroline: it's okay guys, they love each other and sometimes when people love each other they fight because they think it's too good to be true.

Jackson: what does that mean

Austin: *making eye contact with Caroline* it means they love each other a lot and love makes you do really strange things.

Jackson: *sadly shoving the last bean into his mouth* oh

Austin: cm'on Jack let's go play space wars

Jackson: *jumping down from his chair* okay

*Caroline sits for a beat longer and stands, there is a silence in the kitchen which indicated to Caroline that her parents were waiting for her to exit the dining room. she pushes in her chair and walks upstairs into her room*

*In the kitchen*

*Leila is leaning on the counter with a hand on her forehead. Randall in standing across from her at a short distance. Randall lean to see into the dining room*

Randall: okay they're gone

Leila: why do you constantly take her away from me

Randall: you know that she doesn't like to talk much, you bombarding her with questions isn't gonna help you too bond

Leila: but she never talks to me why won't she just connect with me she doesn't feel like my daughter

Randall: Lelia please stop you just have to find other ways to connect to her she likes music, she likes a challenge, she likes to learn new things. She doesn't like gossip and reality tv shoes and school dances. She just not that type of girl.

Leila: *picking up plate* why can't i connect with my own children *plate clashing against the floor, Leila slides down the cabinet to the floor in tears.*

Randall: Jesus Leila *running to her side, holding her close* shhhh breathe, breathe you're okay, you're okay

*shot pans out to the whole kitchen with Leila and Randall on the tile floor, Leila shaking in Randall's arms, rocking back and forth, surrounded by glass. fades out*

[daxdraggon]

HII i just wanted to say that I love ur mcreyes tag &have been living in it for the past two weeks basically lmao but like, I wanted to ask if u could expand on the alien mccree hc? omg i rly loved it and I'm just,, so v interested? pls write smth for it, but only if u want to

-breaks fingers- Let me write u a thing. This is going to be short, and probably not going to go anywhere, but gOSH I’m so glad you like my Alien!McCree~

IDK which alien mccree prompt you were talking about since I have... maybe two or three different ideas on how it would play out? But here ya go buddy prepare for a trip to feels town.

(also, just a hint of platonic mcreyes)

Jesse McCree’s mama always told him he was a gift from the stars. He always thought it was just stories to make him and his twin brother feel important, like they had a destiny to fulfill. She filled their heads with stories of blue giants with two tongues and beautiful wings like a cicada. They came riding on horses made of metal, sleek and coppery, their eyes glowing and hooves rumbling the sky like thunder. Jesse believed it for a while, his brother quickly moved on. 

20 years have gone by, the stories of the stars faded in his memory. He stares up at them resenting. He was supposed to be special, but his home had been taken away by Omnics, his brother run away to another country. Blackwatch finally gave him the funds to help his mother, put her up somewhere nice. She refused to leave the desert, stubborn in her old age that her lover would return to her. Jesse made her move anyways. 

Things are different now. He has a new family, the agents of Blackwatch, and his commander who’s dragged Jesse out of hell just to pull him though the deeper pits of it himself. He long moved on past the thought of himself being something interstellar, that he was human, plain and simple. The people around him seemed to think otherwise. His commander thought his gift, Deadeye, was something otherwordly. Captain Amari doubted it’s humanity as well. After all, a human shouldn’t be able to see better than an Omnic, should he. Everything was crystal clear, even in the darkest dustiest settings he found no problem navigating.

That’s where he found himself, on a mission in Cambodia. Part of the building had collapsed, crushing some poor agents and the targets they were after, but leaving Jesse leading the rest of his party, and his Commander, out of the dusty crumbling hallways. He couldn’t understand how they would constantly trip on the rubble, practically running into walls without Jesse’s guidance. But his sight couldn’t allow him to see the future. Before he knew it Reyes was shouting to scatter, and suddenly there was open fire, with Jesse in the middle. He felt bullets pass through him, before a sudden flash of fire, and then darkness...

He woke to bright white, tucked tightly into a hospital bed, his arms and legs restrained. Reyes sat beside him, curled up like a gargoyle, ever watching. He hadn’t showered, still covered in grime and blood. His shirt was stained green. 

“Boss?” Reyes looked away, swallowing and breathing before looking back at McCree.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” it sounded accusatory, like Jesse had betrayed him. He sounded... hurt.

“I didn’t know they were gonna rush us sir. I’m sorry, I couldn’t see um comin’.” Reyes shook his head, dragging his fingers over his face. 

“Not that.” he made eye contact with Jesse again and this time he could feel it. He could feel those eyes boring into his soul, searching him. “Why didn’t you tell me? Tell me what you are? I could have protected you from this...” his commander’s voice dripped in worry, in pain. Jesse’s mind reeled, eyebrows knit in confusion.

“What... what do you mean what I am? I’m an agent, I’m... human? Is that what-” Reyes stood suddenly, causing Jesse to jump. That’s when he felt the restraints for what they really were. He looked down in a panic as Reyes hand went to the edge of the blanket and pulled it back, revealing Jesse’s chest. At least... maybe it was his chest.

“What the hell is this then McCree? This sure as shit ain’t human. I watched the holes in your body seal right back up in seconds! You don’t have a god damn scratch on you!” he pulled at the green stain on his shirt. “This, this is yours McCree. Your blood. Tell me again how this is human!” Jesse was stunned, he felt as if he was going to astral project to some other state of being just to escape the sudden stress he was being put under by his commander’s questioning. He was brought back by the wet feeling of tears streaming down his face.

“I don’t... I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on I’m- I’m sorry commander I don’t know.” he wanted to curl up on himself, pulling on the restraints enough for it to hurt. He inhaled sharply before gurgling into sobs. He didn’t understand what was happening, he was human, wasn’t he? Wasn’t he?

Rough hands gently wiped away his tears, he could hear his commander shushing him, sounding rueful. “I’m sorry Jesse, I... I don’t know either. I’m sorry I lashed out at you for it.” He heard a small beep, before his restraints retracted and his arms and legs were free.

It was after he was examined throughally by Doctor Angela, that he finally got to look at himself in the mirror. His entire left side was soft green flesh, speckling over to his right in dots where his skin was riddled with bullets. He flexed his fingers, tiled in a sensitive blue shell. He noticed it seemed to be growing from the rest of him as well. Jesse felt sore, like he was young again, having a growth spurt. Glancing back up started him, as his eyes had changed. They seemed darker, larger. He felt himself start to panic again, before Reyes had come in. 

Startled for the 3rd time that day, he turned around at attention. Reyes seemed startled as well, finally seeing all of Jesse and his changes. They stood in silence, staring at one another for what seemed like ages before they both started to talk, stopping to let the other go.

“I’m removing you from active duty... until we figure out what’s going on.” Reyes started, his knuckles going white from the grip he had on his clipboard. Jesse relaxed, nodding in agreement. His commander was nervous, they both were.

“That’s... good. I- will ya sit with me?” McCree asked, voice shaking as he wrapped his arms around himself. His chitinous fingers felt cold, wrong. Reyes exhaled and nodded, moving to sit on Jesse’s bed alongside him. Jesse drew his knees to his chest with a heavy sigh.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier... for accusing you of hiding this from me. You didn’t know-”

“I think I do know. I mean... maybe.” Jesse interrupted, causing his commander to stare at him in confusion. “My ma always said my pa was from space. I thought it was just, stories to make me feel better ‘n all ‘bout not havin’  my pa around... but me lookin’ like this now? I look jus like the stories she told me.” he frowned before rubbing his suddenly sore jaw. He flinched as he hand came back with scaps of skin stuck to it. He quickly shook them off with a shiver before Reyes took his chin in his hands to look at Jesse’s face.

“It looks like you’re shedding like some lizard.” he easily pulled off a piece of skin that was hanging loose before dropping it in the small trashbucket by Jesse’s bed. He glanced back up at Jesse, his eyes calmer, empathetic. The cowpoke couldn’t help but move to bury himself in Reyes’ chest, wrapping his arms around the man. His commander embraced him back, stroking his agent’s hair gently.

“So...” Reyes murmured, pulling back to look down at McCree again. “You’re an alien then, is what you’re telling me.” he smugly ruffled Jesse’s hair, causing him to giggle.

“Yeah I guess so.” he shrugged, leaning into Reyes’ touch. 

“Jesse McCree of Mars. That’s what I’m calling you now kid.” his commander joked, Jesse simply rolled his eyes.

“Y’know funnily ‘nough, that’s where ma said pa came from.”