#I'm gonna learn about Rugby I promise

[sentientcave]

The Good Ol' Rugby Game

It's the middle of the so called "work week" and you know what that means:

IT'S WIP WEDNESDAY

I was thinking about Rugby AUs because have you seen the thighs on those lads? But I don't know anything about Rugby tbh this is just vibes and thots. Something somethin elaborate rituals. But it's also fun. Pardon my errors I wrote most of this on discord today

Reader is a trans man - No name but he's referred to as Ripper by Simon and Johnny because they think he's like a little terrier/ankle biter on the pitch (It's a pitch for rugby, right?). And he is.

Contains: Mentions of alcohol, mentions of rugby, takeout food, Johnny and Simon, bros being bros, you know how it is

You've won.

It takes a minute for the cheering to register, for you to realize that the whistle's been blown and the game is finished, and by the time you do realize, you're in the air, brawny arms hooked around your middle, flying until you hit the ground hard, Johnny on top of you. "Fuckin' beautiful!" He shouts, his voice hoarse. And then an even heavier weight drops down on the two of you, squeezing all your air out.

"Brilliant, lads," Simon growls, knocking his forehead against yours. "Fuckin' perfect play."

"Riley, you're going to break me if you don't get your fat arse up," you grouse. "You too, Tav. Fuckin' muppets."

"Aw, love you too, Ripper," Johnny lands a wet, sweaty kiss on the side of your head before he shoulders Simon off the two of you and pounces on the giant, kissing him on the mouth with zeal.

You get up with a groan, your whole body one big fucking bruise. "Shoulda picked football," you complain to no one in particular. "I'm going to feel this forever."

Johnny swats at you blindly as you limp off, somehow managing to connect, his hand a guided missile that's only capable of targeting asses.

It’s just an amateur league— You know that, everyone on both sides of the pitch know, but it feels like your neighbourhood never got the memo. As the seasons gone on, more and more people have been showing up, wearing green and white, and when you go out to the pub after games, you never have to buy your own pints. It’s almost like being a girl again, except now you feel at home in your own skin, and the only person that tries to grab your arse is Johnny.

You know it’s Johnny and Simon that everyone’s there for, and you don’t care— You’re proud of your huge friends. They joined the league a little after you did, newly retired from the military, both of them with too much energy and muscle and training to not play some kind of sport. And they rope you into training with them. Runs with Simon so early in the morning it’s still practically dark, running drills on free afternoons in the park, tagging along to the gym and watching Johnny lift insane amounts of weight. It’s more fun than you think you’ve ever had.

You’re definitely a third wheel, but they’re good about it, obviously together but obviously wanting you around, careful to include you.

And it feels good to be one of the boys.

You grab your bag from under the bench and head off the pitch, eager to go home and shower the grass stains and flecks of someone else’s blood off of you, maybe curl up with a pint of dark beer and a pint of chocolate ice cream. Everyone’s likely going out for drinks, but you’ve been jostled around plenty for the day, head still ringing a bit from an elbow you took to the side of the head during a scrum.

“Hey, Ripper,” Johnny yells after you. He has lungs, even after a game of shouting himself hoarse. “Ye comin’ to tha pub?”

“Nah, not tonight,” you shout back. “Can’t be arsed. Goin’ home to order a Chinese.”

He’s about halfway deflating, and perks back up at the mention of greasy take out. “Order for Si ‘n’ me too, aye? We’ll be round in an hour.”

“Alright!” you call back, because that’s easier than shouting across a crowd that you were really looking forward to cozying up in front of the tv and— Oh, right. “Bring beer!” That saves you a stop on your way home.

You get home and scramble to clean up a bit-- Johnny doesn't mind a bit of mess, but Simon will stare at clutter like it personally offends him (because it does), or worse, just start tidying up. He always tells you you're not as bad as Johnny, but it's not much of a consolation. Half the mess is your roommate's anyway, who is at her girlfriend's for the weekend, again. It likely won't be long till she moves out, and you'll have to leave your cozy little spot. But at least you now have large friends to help you move.

That done, you order takeaway and pop into the shower, tossing your sweaty uniform into your hamper, and you're just getting dressed again when someone knocks at your door. You nearly forget to tuck your packer into the pocket you've sewn into all your boxers, remembering only as you almost reach the door. If anyone on God's green earth will notice that you suddenly don't have anything in your pants where you usually do, its Johnny.

"Takin' ages," he complains when you finally do answer the door. Behind him, Simon is paying for the takeout, making the delivery man look so nervous it would be funny if you didn't feel bad.

"Didn't have pants on yet. And Si, you don't have to--" He shoves the paper bag at you, cutting you off. Okay. Fair enough.

Johnny kicks his boots off haphazardly at the door. Simon takes his off neatly and sets both pairs neatly to the side.

Johnny's already in the kitchen, stowing beers in the fridge, then banging cupboards open and shut looking for plates. You'd think he'd remember by now, but he never does.

"You guys didn't have to skip the pub, you know," you say, unpacking the bag of takeout on the coffee table. "Everyone'll want to congratulate you."

"S'no fun without our little Ripper," Johnny says, tossing you one of the few beers you did have in the fridge, grinning. "Wouldn't even bother with the league without you."

"Don't be ridiculous," you say, laughing. "You guys are good. Best we've got."

[baekhvuns]

The word soccer pisses me off for no reason, lmao. My friend and I established it has to go, I say American football or sometimes futbol, that's what most languages/countries do. But then I see American people calling football not only soccer, but futbol...... pls why. So rugby and American football are a bit different that's why, but it's all so confusing lol. I've noticed recently we've had a few promising players, but they're kinda one trick ponies and don't last long. Mbappe is probably one of the only ones being pretty consistent, but we know he needs to learn a few more things about team work.

It was shitty that people were like SEE PORTUGAL IS FINE WITHOUT RONALDO THEREFORE HE CAN GO, uhmmm okay.

Cricket?! Ajdhahsgajagsga. When it comes to team sports I only like football, I used to be forced to watch volleyball when I was younger. But I love tennis, I like athletics from time to time, swimming and ice skating, ski jumping too. When it comes to playing I used to play football, I occasionally play tennis and... golf

I love that whenever media report Pique is leaving/retiring everyone's like "FINALLY" 😭 in the early days I actually liked him, but he's the villain for sure. Mourinho love him or hate him (I'm both avhahsjabsshahams) him and Ronaldo were unstoppable

Stopppp, hopefully Suarez's kids are fine, but the biting... lowkey iconic ngl. Yes it would be cool if all the top players achieved everything they want, but who knows what's gonna happen, they need good teammates for that to come true

Also, damn Mo can't catch a break, every year the same shit 😭

It's because I have connections in Arsenal 👀 so when I moved to London lots of new faces were there, like Bellerin, Oxlade-Chamberlain etc. Also London is a small city if you know a few people from different industries, they always know someone and their friends know someone from school and it goes on, hahaha. It's not like I'm besties with all of them, but I met lots of celebs. Griezi is good, but the Barca transfer was uncalled for

Wooyoung would step on the pitch and get red just because, even his hair is red rn...

Hold ooooonnnnn so Seulkai reconciled then, we won?!

Atz is collabing with Tbz on 31st, Hwa pls be there <3 Atinys have been fighting over the Hwa thing for the past two days and clearly a lot of KQ stans don't get the point (they're like "none of the members have a lot of relevant schedules" - uhm false "they literally play rock paper scissors and decide who does what" lmao I'm sure that's not always the case, but aight... "kq isn't big enough to score them all the gigs" what even lmao) but tweets like this don't help pls 😭 OP was hyperbolic, but was there a reason to say it like that. Can't have a normal discussion on that fucking app 🔫

I'm envisioning Lego live during Fashion week now 😢

Taemin Jesus confirmed

Lmao okay but real, Hwacore

Ah damn Jackson, but understandable, it's hard to date when you're an idol and a celebrity in general. I'm sure he has lots of volunteers, but... most of them are insane fans 😬 did he say that about the lights? I didn't know kahdiausiabshahaha guy's really bitchless, kinda hard to believe, but hopefully he finds someone soon

This video I fucking can't, so much to unpack lmaooo

Baek he did what... POET HWA?! Can he stop for a goddamned fucking second 😭

Slutshaming?! And your neighbour?

I got Pimm the bat 👁👁 - DV 💖

hi hello!!

The word soccer pisses me off for no reason, lmao. My friend and I established it has to go, I say American football or sometimes futbol, that's what most languages/countries do. But then I see American people calling football not only soccer, but futbol...... pls why. So rugby and American football are a bit different that's why, but it's all so confusing lol. I've noticed recently we've had a few promising players, but they're kinda one trick ponies and don't last long. Mbappe is probably one of the only ones being pretty consistent, but we know he needs to learn a few more things about team work.

no bc soccer don’t even make sense, football does bc its A FOOT BEING USED AND A BALL BEING USED, english language i swear 😭😭 every time i wanna look up football ill always be welcomed with the nfl and all it is super annoying 🔫🔫 rugby and american football are like long lost cousins, with diff balls but should be considered as one 🔫🔫 NO CAUSE WHAT IS THIS DBDBDB AND THIS FHWJHDWK MADE ME GAG A LIL and bellingham joining rm too?? 👁👁 phewww this guy’s so funny fbfb fit’s the rm team vibe

BUT WHAT IM SURPRISED ABOUT IS BRAZILS WANTING ZIDANE AS THEIR COACH, ITS HIM OR MOURINHO?? brazil 2026 wc confirmed then dbdbd a nightmare for france i guess 😭

It was shitty that people were like SEE PORTUGAL IS FINE WITHOUT RONALDO THEREFORE HE CAN GO, uhmmm okay.

YEAH NO BC WHAT DID IT DO??? OUTTED U 🔫 IT WAS INFURIATING WE ALMOST HAD A PORTO V ARGENTINA FINAL IF NOT FOR THE COACH BENCHING HIM,,, he could’ve literally done so much

Cricket?! Ajdhahsgajagsga. When it comes to team sports I only like football, I used to be forced to watch volleyball when I was younger. But I love tennis, I like athletics from time to time, swimming and ice skating, ski jumping too. When it comes to playing I used to play football, I occasionally play tennis and... golf

LMFAOOOO ITS IN MY BLOOD JCHCJKCC THE 2010-2011 ERA WAS MY PEAK FAN ERA i tell u the match’s outcome was like what argentina went thru, they just went kinda crazy, everyone on the streets holding flags, songs blasting and screams and swears and sweets on the streets it was a chaotically amazing fbfbf,, FORCED TO WATCH DBDBD DID U PLAY THE VOLLEY?? ICE SKATING I DO LOOK FORWARD TO BC ITS A BIG SPORT HERE ALONG W HOCKEY but those fans are so toxic,,,, ooo a golf 👀 u say, what a fancy sport,,, old money vibes

I love that whenever media report Pique is leaving/retiring everyone's like "FINALLY" 😭 in the early days I actually liked him, but he's the villain for sure. Mourinho love him or hate him (I'm both avhahsjabsshahams) him and Ronaldo were unstoppable

LMFAOOOO 😭😭😭😭 ITS THE WAY EVERYONE COLLECTIVELY COME TOGETHER TO SAY FINALLY 😭😭 no yeah in the early days he was great, i just think as more ppl (messi) started garnering fame it just kinda got to his head and then what he did after messi left 🔫 would 10/10 jump him,,, sEE mourinho brought the beast mentality be it thru toxicity or what, HE MADE IT HAPPEN and it changed rm for the best, despite being a barca fan, his and pep’s era of football was not just peak for their teams, but PEAK/PRIME football itself. the hatred, toxicity, two of the greatest players, insane team value and players…what an era,, EXACTLY HIM AND RONALDO WERE THE BEST MATCH,,, maybe he’ll come back to rm since his kid’s there now?? maybe a chance

Stopppp, hopefully Suarez's kids are fine, but the biting... lowkey iconic ngl. Yes it would be cool if all the top players achieved everything they want, but who knows what's gonna happen, they need good teammates for that to come true //// Also, damn Mo can't catch a break, every year the same shit 😭

HDWNHDWK ITS SO FUNNY BUT SO UNHINGED??? his lids grow older and some fuck just brings up his dad’s biting skills dbdbdb but guy’s a great player that ghana match 😭😭😭 right! good teammates and a good coach, argentina’s latest one was chef kisses, the formation and playing with the players strength 🫡🫡 LMFAOOOO NO BC JFKWHDKW THIS & the fact eid and christmas are gonna be on the same day in the near future 😭😭 which one will he be 😭😭

also wtf is this what? how? on earth? and why do he look like younger ibra too 😭😭

It's because I have connections in Arsenal 👀 so when I moved to London lots of new faces were there, like Bellerin, Oxlade-Chamberlain etc. Also London is a small city if you know a few people from different industries, they always know someone and their friends know someone from school and it goes on, hahaha. It's not like I'm besties with all of them, but I met lots of celebs. Griezi is good, but the Barca transfer was uncalled for

hUH. that would make sense i would not be surprised if u know or have passed someone i know bc they’re also in the industry, BESTIE GOT CONNECTIONS 😳😳🤚🏼i know only 3 famous ppl just on different continents,,, but planning to befriend morinho if i catch him at the next wc 🫡 yEAAAH it was surprising def thought he’d go somewhere else dbdb

Wooyoung would step on the pitch and get red just because, even his hair is red rn... //// Hold ooooonnnnn so Seulkai reconciled then, we won?!

NO SERIOUSLY FBWKFHWKKCKC if anyone tries to go near the box he’d kill,, his motto would be if the player is alive it’s not foul dbdbdb WE WON????? WE DID!!! the song too is so good, hot&cold, very etl <3 the vocals and all 😮‍💨 peak sm, the best song on the album tbh

Atz is collabing with Tbz on 31st, Hwa pls be there <3 Atinys have been fighting over the Hwa thing for the past two days and clearly a lot of KQ stans don't get the point (they're like "none of the members have a lot of relevant schedules" - uhm false "they literally play rock paper scissors and decide who does what" lmao I'm sure that's not always the case, but aight... "kq isn't big enough to score them all the gigs" what even lmao) but tweets like this don't help pls 😭 OP was hyperbolic, but was there a reason to say it like that. Can't have a normal discussion on that fucking app 🔫

HWA PLEASE BE PRESENT 😭😭😭 ONE LINE IS GOOD TOO PLS!!! no cause “kq isn't big enough to score them all the gigs" what even 😭😭🤚🏼 diminishing all the previous opportunities they had just bc one didn’t go a certain way,, no bc this too?? can never have a proper discussion, someone always gotta be butthurt

I'm envisioning Lego live during Fashion week now 😢 /// Taemin Jesus confirmed /// Lmao okay but real, Hwacore

and its just him trying to finish his set and its atiny’s chanting his name outside his venue 😭😭😭 WHEN WILL THOSE DAY COME,,, taemin jesus confirmed but he’s also a femme fatale confirmed its literally his concept described in words

Ah damn Jackson, but understandable, it's hard to date when you're an idol and a celebrity in general. I'm sure he has lots of volunteers, but... most of them are insane fans 😬 did he say that about the lights? I didn't know kahdiausiabshahaha guy's really bitchless, kinda hard to believe, but hopefully he finds someone soon

he’s bitchless and maidenless 😭😭😭 he did say that about the lights! eric’s dive show! it is kinda bard to believe, thought he’d be announcing his engagement or something but he’s also quite young, more time for him!

This video I fucking can't, so much to unpack lmaooo //// Baek he did what... POET HWA?! Can he stop for a goddamned fucking second 😭

LMFAOOOO??? HES SO LOST 😭😭😭

he is what.

i cannot take this anymore. no. CAN HE STOP FOR A WHOLE MINUTE?? VOLLEY LEFT HITTER, BEST SWIMMER, BLAVK BELT A POET AND MORE?? HOW MUCH MORE U GOT MF PLS REVEAL IT ALL AT ONCE I CANT KEEP GOING ON LIKE THIS,,, i hope he sucks at basketball bc id actually lose it if he’s good at it

Slutshaming?! /// And your neighbour? /// I got Pimm the bat 👁👁 - DV 💖

LMFAOOOO 😭😭😭😭 he’s actually living just down the street from me, sometimes when i walk past i hear songs played rly loudly <3 mingi canadian lumberjack era

GET THE FUCK OUT NFWDKWHXKXJCK RAT SWAG 😭😭😭😭😭😭

ive got u a svt quiz bc that’s the only decent one out here