#I'm glad I didn't remember about the sabertooth joke until after I decided to limit it to five

[shwoo]

So I’ve been fascinated with the fourth, and worst, Channel Awesome anniversary film, To Boldly Flee, for a while. Even apart from the poor filming conditions, there’s the three and half hour runtime, the terrible love triangle subplot, the subplot that’s mostly word-for-word Star Wars quotes, the jokes that go on for twice as long as they need to, the bit where a character overhears a villain assimilating another character into the Borg Collective and assumes they’re having sex, the implications that rights holders care enough about Internet reviewers to want to legislate them out of existence, the personality makeovers some of the characters get, the weird dichotomy between good, worthwhile art and bad, pointless art, the bit where the Nostalgia Critic meets his creator, has to decide whether or not to destroy the universe, and then becomes God...

There’s so much so bad it’s good here. And the people who acted in it did a pretty good job sneaking the occasional funny bit in, usually through line delivery or body language.

Earlier this year I did a whole in-depth summary/mockery of the movie. It’s pretty bad, and almost as unnecessarily long as the movie itself, but I kind of want to post less bad excerpts. Like some of the smarter things I said, and the stupider tangents? I went on some pretty stupid tangents.

I might do that, but for now, here’s some of my favourite bad exchanges from the movie.

(Note: I see no good way to refer to Kinley Mochrie’s character without either deadnaming or implying that she is her character, so I will call her Kinley Mochrie’s Character. All other characters are referred to by their character names to distinguish them the people portraying them)

HOW DARE SHE (After Obscurus Lupa politely turns down Todd in the Shadows, who has been stalking her for some time) 8-Bit Mickey: Look, Zorro, can you take your love triangle outside? Todd in the Shadows: Outside is a cold, heartless vacuum. 8-Bit Mickey: Yeah, and so’s Lupa.

THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC IS THE MOST IMPORTANT CHARACTER IN HOMESTUCK Film Brain: You can’t just leave us now. We need you! I need you. You’re like a hero to me! Nostalgia Critic: Oh come on, Film Brain, I’m no hero. Film Brain: Yes you are! You’re the best critic there is! Nostalgia Critic: I’m not even a good critic! All I do is yell and scream at things I don’t like. What kind of critic does that? Film Brain: You gave us a voice. A place to call our own. Nostalgia Critic: And how many Ma-Tis will it take? How many more crappy laws will be invented because of my bullshit?

EVEN LESS SELF-AWARENESS THAN USUAL Darth Snob: So. The Critic’s in the Hole. Your failure is now complete. Once we have him on our side, we’ll turn him into the next Tommy Wiseau. Kinley Mochrie’s Character: (Anguished) Stoooop!

CHAUCER <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< PUDDING Film Brain: You think I don’t understand? To be the lackey, to be the butt of everyone’s jokes? For goodness sake, I’m British! Our only contributions to culture is comedic crossdressing and spotted dick.

I AM 99% SURE THIS WAS SCRIPTED (The characters reminisce as they face their deaths) Linkara: Hey. Remember the Man Who Fell To Earth review? That was brilliant. Oancitizen: Thanks. Alone in the Dark was pretty good too. Obscurus Lupa: That was a great crossover. 8-Bit Mickey: So is this.