#I'm fully aware of how pessimistic I sound but that's why it's hidden in tags I just need to express this quietly
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one of those days (long tags)
#Pulled out the comfort bosj 31 despe v akira so I can watch TJP try and rescue him#catharsis#also feeling really sad about ELP again#I understand the situation logically#there's a part of my brain that doesn't and it feels dread and grief#I wondered how long he knew#I wondered how much he planned to have his filmed moments before leaving serve as a sense of (temporary please temporary) closure#I'm fully aware of how pessimistic I sound but that's why it's hidden in tags I just need to express this quietly#a part of my brain is stuck in the past and hyper sensitive to any signs of someone leaving#and also from personal experience is stuck at an age where if people get ill from cancer they suddenly disappear from your life#and you don't understand why because you're too young for anyone to bother explaining it to you#so it kick starts already present OCD symptoms to regain any sense of control over life#and 16 years later you're still feeling the after effects#and it resurfaces because someone you care about is now dealing with it
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