#I'm entering the convent btw for a whole month due to weird chains of events

[ano-po]

I had a weird dream/sudden-morning-thought that I'm an old soul but I haven't escaped Samsara yet because I'm stubborn as hell and I like to take things slow and not have any character-defining life events to push my soul's maturity (so despite being an old soul, I'm still very immature), but the Universe might be getting impatient with me 🥹🥹🥹 Treat me softly please, I'm tired, I don't mind a couple more reincarnations, just don't make me suffer one big time to the point of sudden Nirvana I'm good being slow please Universe have mercy.

[ano-po]

Reminds me of the time when I was around 9 or 10, when I asked myself "Why is there a 'me'?" It is such a weird concept to have consciousness, and I thought, can there not be 'me'? You see, even as a young kid I've hated my mental scapes, my life, my etc. Just recently, I had a profound realization that life is designed to be painful (I'm not angsty, it's just fact).

They said overcoming Samsara also means going to Nirvana, or Heaven, for my fellow Catholics out there, and it's being one with the creator thingy. You will be part of the universality or the oneness, you will be homogeneous. That's the belief.

Of course people will be scared of that. They treasure their uniqueness and ego. And I'm here like... Damn... I've always wanted to be nothingness. Imagine. Not having to deal with a human brain anymore. I've always visited the thought of a world not having a 'me'. It would be nice.

I had a weird dream/sudden-morning-thought that I'm an old soul but I haven't escaped Samsara yet because I'm stubborn as hell and I like to take things slow and not have any character-defining life events to push my soul's maturity (so despite being an old soul, I'm still very immature), but the Universe might be getting impatient with me 🥹🥹🥹 Treat me softly please, I'm tired, I don't mind a couple more reincarnations, just don't make me suffer one big time to the point of sudden Nirvana I'm good being slow please Universe have mercy.