#I'm doing this for a goddamned Fan Fiction and they were paid to write it!

[schroedingers-gay]

The timeline for the Wednesday show is pissing me off. Keep in mind that I haven't watched the show since it came out, but I thought I had a pretty good handle on the timeline of events. I was mostly right, but what I got wrong, and what has been pissing me off, is the calendar.

The show follows 2021's (The year in which it was being filmed) Calendar. I thought it was following 2022's calendar. Y'know, the time in which it was SET. The main thing about this that is pissing me off are the moon phases. Specifically, the blood moon in the final episode. 2022's was on Nov 8, while 2021's was on Nov 19.

Not only that, but I honest to god only ever remembered the fact that her birthday was on Friday the 13th, and so assumed bc Addams that it was in October, rather than November. So, my Fic's timeline is incorrect and I'm trying my best to not worry about it. Hopefully getting my frustrations out in this post will help.

[dustbunnylair]

Uraume Confirmed Gender, Originally a Male and Reincarnated Into a Woman's Body | Jujutsu Kaisen Volume 28

[Source: SportsSkeeda Article]

Okay first off, let me just say that I fucking knew it. Usually, I try not to make jokes while writing these silly, for lack of a better word; essays. However, I did in fact call it. I theorized this is exactly how Uraume's gender works, the binding on their chest never being for battle, but instead just to bind their chest. Here's a screenshot dating back to September 10th [last month]

Now excuse me but to all the Jujutsu Kaisen "fans" that said Uraume is in fact a girl and nothing else; FUCK YOU.

I'm sorry but the jjk fandom is by far one of the worst fandoms I've been in. and I've been in the My Hero Academia fandom so that says A LOT.

it's extremely ironic too because as soon as this came out, the "transphobic" Uraume "fans" stopped shipping them with Sukuna, like immediately. If that doesn't scream red flags about the fandom then I don't know what does.

I've talked about it before and I will talk about it again, [legal + nontoxic] queer ships and queer headcanons within the jjk fandom is NOT the problem. The people constantly shoving "why can't two men be best friends" down your throat are THE problem. These headcanons and ships are not new within any anime fandom, there will always be a queer ship no matter what.

"Why can't two men be best friends" Why can't a woman and a man be best friends? Why do you ship every woman + man friendship?

Honestly the first time I've ever been so goddamn happy for Gege Akutami to confirm something about his character, especially knowing who it's going to upset. It honestly does suck how many bigots are in the jjk fandom because Gege isn't against lgbtqia+, he's literally a fan of BLs..

The only excuses people had for Uraume being a woman is;

Hakari calling them a 'her' [he was assuming]

Uraume has bandages around their chest during Hakari vs Uraume because they're a woman and that's what women do during battles

They were reincarnated into a woman's body therefore they're a woman.

I'm skipping over the Hakari part because that is such an obvious answer. Uraume having a chest binding around their chest during a fight isn't because they're a woman, not to mention no other woman character has ever had chest bindings, there's literally nothing to back that up. And if you *actually* paid attention in Jujutsu Kaisen, you'd know that reincarnation has NEVER specified that the vessel NEEDED to be of the SAME GENDER.

I'm not 'caring too much' about a fictional situation. I care about the fact that homo/transphobes are so fucking annoying in fandoms to the point that no one can even enjoy Jujutsu Kaisen anymore without some rat in your ear saying it's not canon.

Just like the heavy homophobia towards SatoSugu or ItaFushi, the only excuse both have is 'two men can be best friends' as if SatoSugu or ItaFushi shippers have ever said they couldn't be. The more valid reason is that ItaFushi is a risky ship due to both of them being minors and not wanting two minor characters to be sexualized, but shipping characters doesn't automatically mean you want them to have intercourse or debate on who's top/bottom.

Most shippers [including myself] ship characters that would most likely be wholesome together due to how much they care about each other.

Anyway, I thank Gege Akutami for this confirmation so the useless debate can stop. I will still be referring to Uraume as 'they/them' due to them being technically both genders. I'm praying that the Jujutsu Kaisen fandom and future fandoms are able to heal and not have constant debates like this because people want to have unproblematic headcanons.

[nitewrighter]

What I don't get about all the hubbub regarding the Pokemon leaks, is why these people are so upset about it defiling their canon, when all of the stuff that has been revealed is stuff from the cutting room floor? You know, stuff that was not implemented in any game? The stuff they're pitching a fit about is stuff that's explicitly not canon. Typhlosion COULD have fucked, but GameFreak decided they don't, in the end. That should have been the end of he conversation, but it wasn't, unfortunately.

All it's done is show just how many so-called Pokemon fans lack any kind of reading comprehension. Not that it's anything new mind you, but the lack of self-awareness is starting to get well and truly tiresome.

Yeah I'm honestly so over most "bUt tHE cOnCePT ArT!" discourse at this point. I kind of got over it back with all the "Mercy was almost a black man!!!" discourse with Overwatch back in the day. People were so happy to like, immediately get misogynistic as fuck to basically be performative about how much better Mercy would be as a black man, how much better all the Mercy ships would be as M/M, even though, like, we did still have a black male healer with Lúcio, and then we got another black male healer hero with Baptiste, and the "Mercy would be better as a black man!!" crowd paid Baptiste about as much mind as chopped liver. So much of the shock and outrage is so performative like--you're still consuming the media, dude!!

And the same goes for a lot of animated films--like, yeah, the final product of animated films isn't as pretty as the concept art--the point of concept art is piecing together the concept! Of course that's going to go through a meat grinder as animation studios adjust for budget and timeframes and all this other shit!!

I actually wrote about this a little bit when discussing fanfic communities for library school a while back--gimme a sec, let me try and find it in my docs--

Fans write fics influenced, not simply by the text of a media itself, but by cast interviews, concept art, even tweets, videos, or other social media posts by actors, directors, and writers. ... As the internet has made these behind the scenes perspectives widely accessible, the “source material” for fanfic has thus expanded to outside of the canonical text of a media and further into an “auxiliary canon” of its production. ....  The fan fascination with “Behind the scenes” posits a Doylist meta-narrative ripe for speculation. Watching an actor switch between being in character and out of character on a blooper reel or other behind the scenes media lends itself to a certain parasocial intimacy—the viewer has a sense that they are viewing something genuine and organic that represents the “True” person behind the fictional character (McGee, 2005) when in fact that particular clip was far more likely curated out of dozens or hundreds of hours of more tedious takes and bloopers—at the end of the day, they are still viewing  only a fragment of another human in the context of a professional environment. 

...goddamn I had fun writing that paper. But god it was also so influenced by my "Desperately searching for any and all Overwatch lore crumbs" fandom experience.

But like--Yeah, while I'm largely over the frequently performative shock towards stuff that didn't make it to the final product, I do understand production of media as informing fandom experience.

[yuncheoligans]

Listen

Idol!Song Mingi x Reader

Mingi wants you to this to their new single before they release it. Will you like it?

tags: @layzfeelit, @senpai-of-doom Love you guys!!

WC: 2330

a/n: I couldn't sleep when I thought of this so I wrote down the idea and then thought about it all night. I hope you guys like it! Thanks for the continued support! I'm so happy to be writing again!

Masterlist

You knew dating an idol would be hard when it came to seeing each other regularly. You knew fans would take a majority of their time, you knew practice, recording, fittings, photoshoots, music video shoots, lessons, and all the other things would take priority over your time together. You knew all these things yet you still fell for the man in front of you showing up with yellow and red hair. 

I met Mingi in 2020, I was hired to help KQ’s next group of trainees, KQ Fellaz 2. I refer to them as the babies. I help them with the language homework, mostly English, but I can help them with Japanese too. I help them make TikToks, Instagram reels, YouTube Shorts….you get the picture. I’m basically their mom but I’m paid to be. They are nice boys….even when they torment me. Oh right! I was talking about how we met. The two I had in Fellaz were off for the day but Eden asked me to come in since I could work the board while Ateez was recording a song at the time. I hung out there for at least a good 18 hours, maybe 20. I was so tired the next day I had to wheel myself in a rolling chair all day. Mingi went to the 7-11 with me a few times to pick up snacks and drinks those 2 days and well…he just kind of started getting snacks with me everyday until he said something cheesy like “You’re my snack cake.” and I laughed so hard I think soda came out of my nose. Or was that the time hot chocolate came out? Both of those hurt by the way. 

“Jesus Christ, someone's going to recognize you!” I whisper-screamed, pulling him into my apartment. “Is it new?” I smiled looking at his new hair.

“Just did it today.” Mingi smiled at me. “Do…you like it?” he asked a sudden wave of nerves hitting him.

“Like it? Are you crazy? You look like Rengoku from Demon Slayer, I more than like it. I love it. Oh Rengoku, gone too soon from this world.” I wiped my fake tears away over my one of many fictional husbands.

“I am right here you know.” Mingi dead-panned.

“I am aware, and very grateful for that fact.” I kissed his cheek.

“I missed you.” he pulled me back against him, holding me gently.

“I missed you.” I mumbled into his chest. “How’s the album coming along?”

“I really like you’ll love this song Jagiya.” he swayed us lightly. “Especially since you loved Hala Hala so much.”

“Oh? So is it a continuation? Hmm? Mingiiii tell me…tell me tell me tell me!!!!” I smiled and jumped up and down a little causing him to smile.

“I’ve already said too much.” he chuckled. “How are the babies?”

“Hmm? Oh you know them. Minjae and Sumin like to call me grandma. I’m not that old. Right? Why are you laughing?” I pouted up at him.

“Because that sounds exactly like them.” he laughed more. “Does that make me grandpa?”

“No you’re Big Brother Mingi.” I frowned more. 

“Oh? Do they know we’re dating?”

“Yeah and Junghoon and Jinsik don’t leave me alone about it. HoW cAn He DaTe SoMeOnE sO oLd?” I rolled my eyes. “They pick on me all the time MinMin.”

“Oh god you still remember that?” he smiled.

“Come on, let's sit down.” I motioned to the couch.

“Yes ma’am”

“Not you too.” I giggled.

With the Fellaz getting ready for Kcon Thailand I knew I was going to be busy, they were still excited from getting to tour with Ateez and show off themselves. The whole group was practically buzzing all the time. I tried so hard to get them to focus on the English lesson today. It was a goddamn nightmare.

“You look stressed y/n.” Hongjoong looked at me as I was hiding in the practice room.

“I am stressed, their maniacs today.”

“Maniac 나사 빠진 것처럼 미쳐” Wooyoung sang overhearing me.

“Haha you’re so funny.” I sighed. 

“Jagiya? What are you doing here?” Mingi came back into the room.

“Hiding. They’re crazy today. It took 3 hours to get through the lesson they had today. It should’ve only taken 1!”

“Do you think they’re just bored?” Hongjoong asked.

“Probably, and they absolutely adore being onstage, I don’t blame them, it’s what they’re paid to do and of course it’s what they want to do. I just…today was rough. Maybe some of the jokes hurt a little more today than I let on, I’m not mad, just maybe I’m a little tired of being called old? I’m not that much older, just a few years.” I pouted from the floor.

“Just one of those days where you feel a little more sensitive. I get it.” Mingi sat down next to me. “You didn’t sleep well last night, I can tell.”

“How?” I looked at him like he just told someone my darkest secret.

“You messaged me three tiktok edits of myself at 3am, seven edits and 5 twitter posts at 5am and then at 8am you messaged me with a youtube video of Mingi being Mingi for 10 minutes straight”

“Sorry.” I said as small as I could.

He put his arm around me. “Don’t be, I’m sorry you couldn’t sleep.” he kissed the side of my head.

Mingi and I very rarely get to spend more than a few hours together so finally being able to have a day off together to be together is a warm welcome. He came over the night before so we truly had 24 whole hours together. We made ramen, we played a few rounds of Guitar Hero, then we watched a movie and let’s say….he really showed off what he fingers could do. Waking up next to him was the start to a day I didn’t want to end anytime soon. Pulled into his chest as his soft exhales hit the top of my head. I wanted to stay there forever. 

“Mmmm stay.” he mumbled out, feeling me shift around.

“Mingi, we’ll have to get up at some point.”

“Not now.” he pulled me back into him. “5 more minutes.”

“Alright…5 more minutes, but then I really need a shower.” he rubbed my back soothingly.

“5…mo…re….minut…..” he had already fallen back asleep…..was he even awake in the first place? Probably not. “I love you.” he mumbled out softly.

“I love you too.” I whispered back to him so I didn’t wake him up.

So we stayed in bed for probably 30 more minutes. I lost track of time hearing him mumble things in his sleep and watching him take a well needed rest. He’s so cute when he’s sleeping.

“Hmm?” he stirred, finally waking up.

“Morning Sleeping Beauty.” I giggled and gave him a soft kiss.

“Mmmph. You can wake me up like that more if you want.” he said voice still thick with sleep.

“I’ll think about it.”

“I could get used to this.” he smiled, eyes still closed as if trying to go back to sleep once more.

“What? Sleeping in?” I chuckled.

“Waking up next to you.” he kissed me this time.

He still gives me butterflies.

“We don’t have to be at work today and you want to go to the studio?” I asked from the bathroom sink while brushing my teeth.

“Yeah I want to show you something!” he called out from the shower. “You’ll like it I promise!”

“You promise that a lot!” I called back.

“And I’m always right, except that time we ordered Tempura and got a fried banana in there by surprise!”

“I mean it wasn’t bad, just unexpected.” I chuckled at the memory. “Oh! I saw the promotional photo this morning while you were asleep!” He turned off the shower and came out wrapped in a towel. “All I’m saying is that if I don’t get you at least once, I’m definitely changing biases.” I chuckled. “Also you’re never allowed to change that hair.”

“Well I guess I’ll have to make sure that doesn’t happen.” he smiled and picked me up to set me on the counter. “I love you.”

“I love you.” I closed the distance with a kiss. “Get dressed.”

“We don’t have to leave right away,” he shrugged.

“Oh? Once wasn’t enough I see.”

“Jagi, once is never going to be enough.”

I snorted. Sometimes he’s sappy, sometimes he’s just plain horny. Sometimes either one makes me laugh, or both. 

I let him lead me through to the studio since he obviously had this all planned.

“And we’re in the studio because??”

“I want you to listen to something.” he smiled.

“Huh?”

“I want YOU to listen to Something.” he gestured to the computer.

“Okay I don’t know why this couldn’t wait until tomorrow.” I sat down and put the headphones on. “Ready when you are boss.” I gave him a thumbs up. I heard the synth and then Seonghwa.”Is this the new single?!” I looked at him and he had a big smile on his face. “Mingi!” I paused it. “You can’t be showing me this!”

“I can and I will. You work here, it's not like it’s a secret we have a comeback soon.”

“Mingiiii.” I pouted a little. This is a big deal, he’s never shown me things before release, not that he didn’t want to, he just never had the time. 

“Please keep listening.” he adjusted the headphones back onto my ears. I gave him a nod and he started the song over so I could listen. 

I nodded along listening to everyone come in, it wasn’t until-

“IS THAT YEOSANG!?” I yelped out at the deep voice coming through. Mingi just nodded. It got to the chorus and I was hooked. I paused it for a second and rewound it to the start of the chorus.

“Oh no.” I looked at him and his face fell. “Oh no I love it.” I hit play again listening to the words flow into my eardrums.

“YA!” He hit my arm and I let out a laugh.

I bobbed my head along starting the chorus over again before letting it continue. “Oh Hongjoong!” I smiled listening a little closer.

“Who Are You? It’s just-” I paused it again hearing Mingi’s voice come through.

“No.” I looked at him. “That’s you?!” I squealed, unplugging the headphones and playing it again and again. Not even letting the first line finish. “Wait…” I played it again. “No Fix On?”

“It’s for a purpose.” he chuckled, enjoying this all too much.

“You guys and all your lore, I’ll never catch up.” I smiled and hit play again.

“Who are you? It’s just me, myself, and I.” the recording sang out. 

This time I finally let it finish and I immediately started it over not saying a single word this time, just listening to it ring out in the space. Okay. Wow.

“Ok?” he started fidgeting nervously.

“I’m obsessed.” I smiled. “It’s…literally so good. I like can’t even speak right now. I feel like I’m in shock.”

“Really?”

“You’re gonna hear that song a lot Princess…I don’t think it’s leaving my queue for a solid month after it releases.”

“You mean it?” he started beaming.

“I really do Mingi. It’s so good.” I smiled while hitting play one more time.

This is a big deal for him, he wrote this song with Hongjoong, he let you listen to it first, he let you listen to a part of him he’d put out for everyone before anyone else and he watched you smile like he gave you the world. Mingi never doubted that he loved you, he never doubted asking you out, never doubted following you to the 7-11, but in this moment watching you accept the piece of him he offered he fell for you ten times over.

“I love you so much.” He pulled me into his lap as the song began to loop. He had a few unshed tears in his eyes.

“I love you so much more, Mingi.” I smiled and held his hand in mine. “This was the best day off ever.”

“Well I can think of a few other things we could do with our time.” he raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah not in the studio.” I chuckled. “Yet.”

“Oh so that’s a maybe.” he laughed as I got up off his lap to get my things.

“It’s a maybe someday, but not today. However if you speed back to my place it’s a definitely in my bedroom kinda day. Maybe you can even sing your part again for me.” I pulled my purse over my shoulder just as he scooped me up.

“You my dear drive a hard bargain.”

“Not the only thing hard is it MinMin.” I winked and we walked out of the studio together.

“Yeah….I could absolutely get used to this.” he smiled hearing me hum the song a little.

---------------------------------------------------

Bonus:

“So when does preorder start?” I asked refreshing my web page for the 5th time in 3 minutes.

“You know you could just ask and I’ll grab one.” Mingi watched my eyes strain at my phone screen.

“But then what’s the point?” I looked up. “It won’t count towards sales! And you’d rig it so I definitely got your photocard and I want to know if I’ll keep pulling Woo or not.”

“I’m pretty sure you pay your own paycheck at this point.” he sighed deeper.

“Ah!” I jumped up and hit a few buttons and clicked a few things before grabbing my wallet and typing in more things and pulling my card out to look at it. “Okay done.”

*A Few Weeks Later*

“What do you mean you got 6 albums!?” Mingi looked at the stack in my arms.

“And this was just a preorder.” I smiled as I started taking the plastic off.

[iamtheempress]

A Vegeta x OC Fan Fiction (part 6)¤ ¤ ¤

The walk back took almost the entire night, and she gladly gave Vegeta what he asked for. Silence. Cold complete silence. She is still in this vice grip as well as Vegeta’s grip… The thrill and fun of being in the Great Ape Princes grip had long passed before he even held her. SHe was pissed. Like a pouty child who didn’t get their way. Rightfully so.. 

The sun crested the horizon and just started to dip away from view just like the moons despite the consistent  fact of her being held like this, the scene was really pretty. Evenings that were reminiscent of beautiful purple, blues and pinks, splashed with bright bands of stars and asteroids that would hurtle over head from the closest belt.. Absolutely gorgeous. If only she could voice it without being chastised like a child.

Finally the base was within view. “I ought to thank you for being so considerate and quiet for me.. For once you actually listen.” His voice remained flat in his booming voice. He unwrapped her from the icy cold grip of the To-Rotian Zombie, like a banana. Where she dusted her arms off and jumped from his palm without a word or a thanks. Calamatta coldly entered the code to get into the ship and disappeared before Vegeta could even begin to shrink.

Vegeta watched this unfold, only becoming more and more annoyed, utter disrespect and cold. “Ungrateful little..” He muttered returning to size and walking right into the ship, his fist clenched tight and jaw stiff. This girl was in for it. “Hey! Woman!! Is this the thanks i get for saving your life so graciously.” Calamatta walked to the holomap and opened it up again to see the newly updated map, a map that was constantly updated by the mother ship, the barren city was now wiped from the map. Vegeta seethed and stood point blank behind her. "I am speaking to you, Calamatta. look at me, thats an order." Vegeta tapped his fingers on his bicep, impatient. he flipped his bangs abit out of his face and stared through the back of her head.

Calamatta took a breath and turned. "You wanted a thank you.. for what… yelling at me when i was following orders? Or for me getting caught by that much bigger fucking monstrocity." She furrowed her brows, the annoyance from her voice was palpable and her one cute c shaped tail hung low close to the ground.

 "If you paid attention a bit you wouldn't have gotten caught." Vegeta was cold and direct, as a more experienced Saiyan he had every right to be more arrogant but this is her second mission out. "Well so-rry Vegeta this is still my 2nd goddamn mission, didnt think youd make this such a big freakin 'deal." She went to turn around and was promptly grabbed by the wrist and jerked back around to meet the prince's sharp black eyes and finger pointing at her face.

 She twitched. "It's a 'big-freakin-deal' when im pulling the weight between the both of us. Each time we've seen those things you're grabbed making you the weakest link of the both of us" Calamatta's teeth grit and a vein formed in her forehead. She got closer to him making it apparent who the taller saiyan was. "Get your damn finger out of my face and stop talking down to me, i'm getting fed up with it"

 Vegeta felt a twinge in his gut. He didn't know if it was guilt or blatant aggravation for this whole situation. If he weren't in his Great Ape form he would have been as good as dead as well as her and that much was obvious. "Next time you do anything foolish, don't expect me to save your ass. Are we clear?" 

She closed her eyes and gulped.. there's that heartache again. Her tail thumped to the floor and her eyes went back to the map. "Yes, Vegeta…" she responded obediently. Vegeta turned and made his way to the bathroom to wash up and breathe before he snapped. First disrobing his gloves. "Frieza was right…" her voice cracked, eyes glued shut as she turned from him. Vegeta heard it loud and clear. It made him stop in his tracks. What is he right about? Does she know something he doesn't? He turns halfway. 

"Calamatta." She darts her eyes up from her unwrapping her hands from her tight hand wraps and offers a hum as a response, looking over her shoulder. "Make dinner for us when i get back out." She huffed a sigh as he closed and locked the shower door, sighing heavily. 

Calamatta did as she was told. She made dinner fit for two saiyans. Frozen meat that was still delicious and bloody, noodles, potatoes, an enormous crustacean creature with enough meat to share some alcohol and water. They turned off the holomap and she lain out the food on the table waiting for him. She disrobed the armor and let it clunk to the ground. Taking sips of some of the previous crew unopened stash. 

Vegeta showered himself off of the blood and sweat from the carnage he set forth, his face looking up at the shower head. His brain was although elsewhere: Calamatta and how he can utilize her.. He is here for her after all. Though their lifelong friendship was amicable its recently become aggressive… he excused that for simply her being under-utilized as a Saiyan. That doesnt excuse her natural strength though; her under-utilized strength was still absolutely on par with his own. How can he see himself how strong she is without wasting another moment of time terraforming. It hit him as he grinned and stopped the shower. 

He can fight her.

Vegeta exited the bathroom in his clothing but no armor his freshly washed hair hung in his face and he had a smug little shit earing grin on his face. “Whats with the smile? Its freaking me out.” He seated himself opposite the Saiyan and pulled some to his side to eat and started chowing down. “Eat. Then afterwards were going to fight” “What? Why? Isnt that a waste of time?” She asked scarfing down food voraciously. As if shes never eaten a day in her life. “Not entirely. You want to prove your worth to me then you will fight me and win. That is if you can even lay a hand on me.” She rolls her eyes and flicks her tail back and forth. Vegeta did something he rarely did. He let his tail relax. 

It curled into an s shape behind him and the tip remained stagnant. “Fine, dont bitch when i beat you though, wouldnt want to see the prince cry.” Her infectious bravado came out once again, her eyes narrowing at the prince before her. Vegeta growled and tore meat from bone. “Ill make you eat those words, Cala…” “Im going to comb those stupid bangs out of your face, im tired of talking to a curtain of hair.” Vegeta pounded his chest, swallowing potatoes quickly. “Your not going anywhere near my face with anything.” She chuckles and clears plates off with ease, guzzling down water and sharing alcohol with the prince who put the liqour away with ease.

Vegeta stood and gestured with his head. “Cmon, one round of me putting you in your place then off to sleep..” She springs to her feet and slips on her white boots. “I cannot wait for your to eat your damn words.” She chuckles and presses the button on the wall, he stops her, noticing shes not putting her armor on. “No armor?” “Nope! I wanna kick your ass and make you look at mine…” Vegeta scoffed and watched the saiyan leave the safety of the base with her arms crossed and tail flicking behind her as she took to the sky, only illuminated by the light of the waning gibbous. “If i win, Im combing your stupid hair back.” She promises cracking her knuckles mid air. Eyes narrowed and ready to brawl. “Pff… If i win you do as i say no questions asked, if so im going to give a negative report to frieza.” She gasps meeting eyes with the saiyan prince and a twinge of fear in her eyes. “What! You wouldnt dare!" Vegeta sneered and grinned menacingly, with a competitive look in his eye. "Try me, cmon. Show me what your made of"

¤¤¤

Tags: @dragonblobz @lizardhipsdontlie @lilhemmo @dragonballcollector @msgreenverse @hierophantblue @thotful-writing @supremeleadershitlord @dragonball-hcs-or-sum-shit @memevember

[shawnpetermuffins]

Were you going to tell me?

A/N: this is my first fan fiction on here, so I'd love some feedback if you have any! Also, I'm writing this on my phone, so it probably has a bunch of typos.

Summary: y/n and Shawn have been together for 7 years, but y/n isn't so sure he still wants to be. (This is a really bad summary, wow. Sorry lol)

Warnings: some swearing. Angst and lots of it.

Word count: it's a lot sorry

***

Seven years. Five of which I was in school. (The unfortunate fact of getting into a long distance relationship during my senior year of high school and continuing through college.) Four of which he has been all about touring, and working at the studio, and doing promo. And two of which I have been living with him. Two birthdays and two anniversaries have gone forgotten - by him, I might add. I've never forgotten an anniversary or birthday. I'm good at remembering dates, especially with people that I love. And despite this, I have been completely invested in our relationship.

He's never home anymore. I'm always here cleaning our - his - condo, which used to feel big, but now it feels like I can't take a single step without being in his personal space. That is when he bothers to be home for more than an hour at a time and I'm not at work. He doesn't even notice anymore. It's like he just expects it now. Dinner is always in the fridge for him to heat up because he's never home in time to sit down with each other and eat like a normal couple would. And of course this also means that our sex life is pretty much nonexistent. It's not that I don't want to because that is definitely not the case, but every time I try to get him in bed he always says hes tired or "not now, y/n. I have to get this done." "I'm about to leave." "The boys are on their way."

We've gotten to this point in our relationship that I never thought we'd be at. I never thought he'd become disinterested in me, in us. He really doesn't even pay attention to anything I do or say anymore. So I high key doubted that he was going to notice when I didn't come home for a few days, weeks maybe. It's not like he texts or calls me to see where I am now.

I was throwing in a few more pairs of panties when the front door closed. He was home early. I panicked for a second, debated on whether or not I should I hide the suitcase, but I shook my head and zipped it, set it next to my nightstand. I went to the bathroom to grab my makeup and toothbrush.

“Y/n?” He said from the door to our room. I already wanted to burst into tears, but I couldn't. Not in front of him. He couldn't see how much I was hurting. I walked back into the room, “Hi,” I said softly, but I didn't dare look his way.

“What are you doing? Why is the suitcase out?”

I sighed and didn't answer for a while, trying to find the right words. “I’m going home for a while.”

“Home? You are home. What are you talking about?” He stepped farther into the room.

This was killing me because this was probably the longest conversation we've had in months. “No, Shawn. I'm going home. To y/h/t.” I finally looked up at him. He looked tired, so tired and I just wanted to put him to bed and have him rest for a few days, but I knew better than to say anything to him about how hard he was working himself. We've had that fight before. He thought I was having him choose between me and his work. I would never. (Because I know he'd choose work.)

“What?” He closed the distance between us, grabbing my elbows. This is the closest we've been in a while and it took everything in me not to melt into him. “Were you going to tell me?”

“Shawn,” I pulled away from him and tossed my bathroom bag on the bed.

“What? Is that not a fair question?” He was getting angry, that was obvious. “Why are you leaving?”

“Because I have to.”

“Were you going to tell me?” He asked again.

“Honestly? No. I didn't even think you'd notice.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“What the fuck are you-?” He threw his hands up. “Of course I would notice!”

“When? Huh? When there wasn't dinner for you in the fridge?”

“Y/N, where is this coming - what did I do?”

“I'm tired, Shawn.” I rubbed my temples.

“Why are you leaving?!” His voice rose, and if I hadn't heard him like this time and time again in the past year and half, I would probably be scared.

“Because I want to go home! Because I can't just sit here anymore!”

He crossed his arms, eyes wide. “This is your home! This is our home!”

“No,” I shook my head, letting out a bitter laugh. “It's not.”

“Yes it is.”

“Shawn, this doesn't feel like home. This condo is not my home! You would understand if you bothered to pay attention to anything I say anymore.”

“I do pay attention!” He said defensively.

“No, you don't! For four years all you've thought about was yourself and your career. You never ask me about me and mine. Which, by the way is pretty much nonexistent since I moved here.”

“So, it's my fault that you don't have a career? Don't you put that on me, y/n! You know I work hard to put this roof over your head and make sure the utilities and anything else you need is paid for.”

“I don't ask you to do that! And I'd pay for it if you would let me! It's not like you're here to use the utilities anyway.”

"What is your fucking problem?! Why are you doing this?!"

"Because I'm tired! I'm tired of being overlooked. I'm tired of everyone asking me how you are and how we are and having to lie to them. I'm tired of going to bed by myself and waking up the same way. I'm tired and I want to go home."

"Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

"I tried! You never listen. It's always 'I have an early day tomorrow, can we talk about this later?' Or 'I can't do this right now.' Or 'the boys are coming over, let's put a pin in it.'"

"You still haven't said why you're really going."

"I miss my family, Shawn! I miss my friends! I haven't seen them in two years and you don't care because it has nothing to do with you or your career!"

"Of course I care! How dare you say I don't?"

"How dare I?! How dare you?! You can't just come in here and act like you suddenly give a shit about what I'm doing! You haven't so much as looked my way in months, but now that I have a suitcase out, now you want to act like you care. That's bullshit and you know it."

"You can't just leave!"

"Yes, actually. I can. Because even though you feel like you do, you don't own me. I can make my own decisions. In fact, I've been doing a lot on my own recently."

"You're being ridiculous," he said with a scoff and an eye roll.

"I don't really think I am," I tugged at the ends of my hair. "I have a right to see my family. Even if I have to fly across the entire fucking continent to do so."

"Y/N-"

"Do you know how much I've given up for you?" I cut him off.

"Excuse me?"

"I moved to Canada for you. I left the only place I've ever known just because you asked me to. I left my friends and family. I left my job. I left my home to be with you in yours. Notice how I say this, Shawn. I'm in your home. Not ours. Yours. It's absolute fucking shit that I have had to give up everything I've ever known just to make you happy and you've never once said thank you. You don't act like you appreciate me. Half the time you act like I'm not fucking here. But I am, Shawn! I'm here and every night I make you dinner and I make sure the place is clean and your laundry is done. I do everything for you and you can't so much as look at me when I try to tell you about my shitty day or to say 'thank you for dinner, pumpkin' when you're coming to bed." I took in a shuddery breath, but didn't take my eyes off him. "I can't even remember the last time you kissed me goodbye when you were leaving in the morning. Or the last time you woke me up in the middle of the night because you thought of a new chord progression that you need a second opinion on. I don't remember the last time we made love to each other. Now, I don't know why you wanted me here, but I'm sick and tired of playing the role of the forgotten housewife. I'm absolutely fucking done!"

"What does that mean? Done. Done with what?"

"Us!" I said without realizing what was coming out of my mouth.

"Baby!" He reached for my hands again, his eyes practically popping out of his head. "I'm sorry! Okay? I know. I know I've been fucking up a lot lately-"

"You forgot our anniversary. And my birthday. Twice!"

"I said I was sorry about that. You know I was-"

"Working on the album. Yes, I know. I forgave you because you were under so much stress. But I'm stressed too, you know?" I pulled my hands away from him, wrapped my arms around my middle. "I'm here in a place that I still don't know that well. I don't have a single friend here that isnt your sister or one of the guys. And no matter what, they would tell you if I was feeling neglected or sad. But they shouldn't have to tell you! You should just know because we've been together for seven goddamn years and you know me better than anyone. You should know I'm not feeling well." I took in a deep breath before continuing. "But you don't. You don't notice that I've lost weight because I've been under so much stress that I can barely keep any food down. You don't notice that I clean this house spotless at least twice a week because I have nothing else to do, or that your laundry is always washed and put up. You don't notice anything I do for you and it hurts! I've given up everything in my life just to be with you and you. Don't. Care. That fucking hurts, Shawn! It hurts that you haven't realized that I'm not happy anymore!"

He flinched like I'd hit him. "You've never said that to me before," his intense gaze dropped to the floor.

I've never said it out loud before either and I felt just how powerful and hurtful those words acfually were. Not only for him, but for me. It hurt me to say that to him. To see his face after I said it. "Look," I said, guard down, defeated. "I'm going back to y/h/t for a little bit. I just - I need to get away from this for a while."

"Do you know when you're coming back?" He reached for my hand again and played with my fingers, swirled the promise ring he gave me six years ago that, even through all this, I've never taken off.

I shook my head. "No."

That's when he started to cry and I knew I had to get going before I changed my mind. "I need to do this, Shawn. I think it'll be best for the both of us. We need to figure out if this relationship is really what we want. If it's still worth the fight."

"I want you, y/n. I've never wanted anyone else the way I want you. Please." He took my right hand and rested it on his cheek, locking it there with his own hand. "Please stay. I'll be better. I'll work less. I'll make you feel as loved as you should be. I'll do anything you want me to. Just please," he begged again, his voice cracking. "I'll be lost without you. I can't- I can't lose you."

I sighed and kissed his temple, retracting my hands from his once again. "I have to go," I grabbed my bags.

He followed me out to the car, tears still streaking his face. I put my bags in the trunk and checked my purse to make sure I had my passport and ticket. Then I closed the trunk and stood face to face with my broken boy.

"Can I kiss you? Is that allowed?"

I nodded. I wanted more than anything for him to kiss me and never stop. I wanted this kiss go be enough to make me forget all that's fallen apart between us. Forget all the pain I've suffered watching him live his dream while I put mine on hold and stay in this house that isn't home, even when he isn't coming home and he can't send me something as miniscule as a text to tell me so.

But this lips still felt so good against mine. Like they were made to connect to my lips. His tongue wrestling with mine was heaven. To taste him again after so long without him felt surreal, and that's when I started crying because how could we be so terribly fucking broken and still be able to share a kiss like this? How could he still make my stomach do backflips when his fingers combed through my hair?

And how could it still not be enough?

"I love you," he pulled back, his forehead creasing as he fought back more tears.

I wanted to say it too. Wanted to put him at ease, but I'd been crumbling in that place for months upon months and some part of me, no matter how small, wanted him go hurt the way I have. Leave him wondering like he's left me. So I got in the car because the kiss, his words, they weren't enough.

***

So that's the end of that. Let me know if you want a part 2 I guess!