#I'm considering changing the entire direction to be more about his stubbornness to go below deck and the ptsd that's prompting it

[pyrepostings]

Prodigal Son

Free Birds and Fiddlers

cw: referenced past events of the story, including character death and abuse. Polite discussion of Christianity (specifically the story referenced by this chapter's title), mild implied homophobia that gets checked

~~~

Kevin settled himself on the starboard side deck, bringing his knees as close to his chin as he could without losing his balance to the waves, and holding his staff in hand for further aid in not tipping over. He tugged at his hair with his free hand.

The others were port side as far as he knew, likely going below now they were surrounded by water, and would be for some time. While he had agreed to come back to Paradis, he wasn't going to voluntarily be be brought below deck again for anything.

It wasn't long before Julian came around the corner, with two bowls of food in hand. Kevin smirked slightly as the otherwise very dignified man had not quite the sea legs of a sailor, at least Kevin had an excuse for poor balance.

"Do you mind if I join you? I brought lunch."

Kevin nodded, forcing out a "yeah" and re-positioned himself so he could wedge his staff between himself and the wall and took the offered bowl.

Lunch was some kind of cured ham, sauced and seasoned, with bread on the side. They ate in silence, washing it down with a thermos-full of tea. It was an uncomfortable silence, Kevin knowing there was much that still needed to be said, and knowing there was much Julian wanted to say but was afraid of Kevin reacting poorly so soon after the tentative peace was struck.

Kevin figured there were things for him to say too, sooner or later, and so broke it himself.

"I want you to know, Julian, that I'm sorry for hurting you. I shouldn't have. I just... I just didn't know what else to do at the time."

Kevin didn't look at the other man, but he felt him shift to look at him.

"I also want you to know. When we get back, I'll accept whatever punishment you decide for me. Just. Please don't tie me up again. Please." Kevin hid his head in his arms, breathing heavier than he was expecting to at that confession.

Julian was silent for a moment. "I meant what I said, when I told you there wouldn't be a punishment. You have to follow the terms of parole you agreed to, but I'm not going to hurt you. I promise."

"I know that's what you said but you couldn't have meant it. I know you were just saying that so I wouldn't hurt you more."

"Kevin, I meant it completely. All you have to do is ask to come back and you would be welcomed back with open arms. And you have asked. And so you will be welcomed back. I don't punish for the sake of punishment."

"But I hurt you. I killed Minstrel."

"And I really wish you hadn't. But- you've been punished enough. You weren't in your right mind. Hurting you more wouldn't bring him back, and you choosing to come back is like reviving you from the dead anyhow. I just want you to feel safe again. Why would I push you away now?"

Kevin stared off at the waves before replying. "Is everyone else going to feel that way?"

"I specifically ordered him not to go after you. Both times, in fact. But it was his choice to defy them. And you had made your intentions clear to him after the first. I won't say you were in the right either, but he knew what you were prepared to do, and he went of his own free will anyway. That is the truth, and that is what I will say to anyone who gives you trouble."

"Are you going to make me swear loyalty to you, commander?"

"Mm, I would like it if you did. But I can hardly force you. Either way you would be under my protection. Besides, you already swore loyalty to Elsa all those years ago. No one could argue you haven't served at least a few good years to us. Earned the right to still wear our crest, if you chose to."

"hm. And technically I swore first to Ezran anyway. I renewed my vows to Elsa."

"Exactly, see? You're one of the old guard."

Kevin did feel relaxed by his words, if only slightly. He seemed sincere. He leaned back against the wall behind him and closed his eyes against the sun.

"But I've been gone for so long. Will anyone actually remember that? Or just the crimes I've done?"

"I'll make sure to remind them if they ever forget."

"Thank you, Julian."

The time and silence stretched between them, gently rocked by the waves until Julian spoke again.

"There's something I wanted to ask you, if it's alright?"

"What is it?"

Julian pulled out a file of papers. "I'm sure you know, but part of the agreement to have you released back to us included giving me a copy of your file. Every conversation you had in custody, every note of your actions and whereabouts, of the trial."

"Alright?"

"Would it be ok with you if I read it?"

Kevin huffed. "As if anything in there is a secret?"

"I know, I just wanted to be clear with you. If you don't want me to read it, or any specific part, I won't. I'll throw the whole file overboard right now if you sincerely ask me to."

Kevin arched an eyebrow. "I don't think you'd actually do that. But if you wish to read it, and would truly follow my wishes, you may. I just want you to know... a lot of that- I'm not proud of what you'll find in there."

"I know. That's why I asked."

A particularly turbulent wave sent Kevin off balance, forcing him to extend a hand, and sending a slight shock of pain from where he instinctively extended and put pressure on his wounded leg. He felt a touch at his shoulder which quickly retreated.

"Sorry."

"It's fine. Thanks."

Kevin adjusted slightly, not wishing to fall off balance again but also trying to wrap himself against the cold sea wind as much as possible without the thick woolen cloak he had stubbornly refused. He could feel Julian's eyes on him.

"What?"

"It's just- do you want help?"

Was there an air of smug amusement in that voice?

"No I'm fine."

"You look cold, is all. We can go below deck to get out of the wind-"

"No! No. I'm fine, I don't need to go below deck." Even as he spoke, he could feel the chill setting into his bones in a way he knew he would soon regret not finding a way to ward off the wind.

Julian hummed, clearly not convinced but also having learned his lesson about pressing Kevin about things that weren't an immediate danger to his life. Kevin did notice how Julian let his own cloak open. An invite? It was clearly intentional, from the way he shifted to allow more of the fabric to the side where Kevin sat. He wasn't being slick at all.

Kevin rolled his eyes. "What are you doing?"

"You know, we have these lovely cloaks, handcrafted and specifically designed to protect against the cold which comes with being outside, and not up to much strenuous activity."

Kevin suppressed a smirk, suddenly enjoying the game they were now playing. "I know, I used to wear one. Yours seems to have fallen, right- ah right there."

"Hm, so it has. I barely noticed. That probably means I don't really need it right now. Would you like to borrow it?"

Oh, he thinks he's so cool. Unfortunately Kevin had already decided he wasn't going to wear one of those anymore. "I don't need the whole thing, just a corner, I think." He slid a bit closer to Julian, letting their shoulders touch. "If that's ok."

Julian nodded. "I didn't think you'd want to be this close to me."

"Don't get me wrong. We're not there yet. But- I do miss you. I miss what we used to have. And I am cold."

"Mhm. Alright." Julian threw the side of the cloak over Kevin's opposite shoulder as he snuggled in, pressing his entire side of his body up to Julian's, and tucked a few fingers under his flight harness for security against the rolling waves. He felt Julian shift in a way that seemed to be checking to make sure Kevin wasn't snatching anything off of said harness, but then relaxed back into him.

He was warm. And the way Julian stroked his hair, like he used to, sent a different kind of shiver down his spine.

It was comfortable. Sans the hard wooden floor, and the rocking of the boat, and the gulls cawing-

Kevin pressed his face into Julian's shoulder and neck, just above the collarbone. Why did he ever leave? He could have had this the whole time.

With Julian's hand in his hair, and his own fingers entwined in the other man's harness, mooring him in place, he let himself drift off.

~

Julian couldn't be 100% sure Kevin wasn't trying to play him, but if he really did still hate him for what happened, he never had to agree to come back.

Kevin had a long way to go. It was true many of his old comrades turned against him when he had initially lashed out, and most of the rest when news was brought that Minstrel was dead by his hands. And that wasn't to speak of Kevin's personal journey in his own head. Julian knew by now what false peace looks like, how quickly a riptide can pull one under.

But he was hanging on, now. He would have more people than just Julian looking out for him specifically, a whole net this time. People that Kevin helped many years ago. People who were hurt in very similar ways, and maybe that would help more than Julian ever could have done the first try.

For now he smiled at the barely audible snores that started from Kevin. He opened the file still on his lap.

~

Eventually, Quinn came around the corner.

"Oh, sorry, I don't mean to intrude. I just wanted some air."

"It's fine. I was just doing some reading." Julian was suddenly very aware of his hand still in Kevin's hair at his shoulder. Aware because Quinn made no secret with the way he looked at him that was what he was referring to.

"He was cold."

"It's warmer, and dryer, inside you know."

"And stuffier, so you've mentioned."

"Eh, true." Quinn leaned against the guardrail. "I guess I just didn't realize, how involved you two were."

Julian quirked an eyebrow. "And what do you mean by that?"

"Nothing! Just that you didn't let on. You've been awfully reserved with that information, before last night I never would have suspected-"

"Allow me to interject, officer. Neither you, nor your crown, is entitled to know every last detail of our relationship. I will state plainly that I plan to uphold the deal I made with your government for his relative freedom, and any involvement with him will not hinder that.

"In addition, while you are coming along to keep his parole, the laws of Paradis are slightly different to those of your home. Not everything outlawed there is outlawed here. Not everything you know to be a sin is considered as such here."

His tone was hard, but diplomatic.

"Right, right, I'm sorry. Commander, I didn't mean it like that."

"Mhm, of course."

Kevin stirred beside him but made no indication he heard anything. Julian rubbed his head softly to coax him back to sleep.

"I guess I just didn't realize until now why you intervened for him."

"I didn't pull him out of a life of incarceration because I'm romantically involved with him, if that's the point you're trying to make."

"So why did you? You broke the policy of isolationism to fight the courts for extradition. For one man."

Julian watched Kevin's face as he rubbed his thumb gently along his scalp. "I've never been Christian, but a long time ago, he taught me some of the stories from the bible. I imagine you're Anglican?"

"Yes, why?"

"Do the stories change much between denominations?"

"Depends. Exact wordings change depending on the exact translation, but the overall stories and messages should stay the same between, say, the king James version and the catholic one."

"Then you should know the one about the son who goes off into the world, squandering all of his father's money. When the famine comes and the son has nowhere to go lest he starve and perish to the elements, he returns home, groveling to his father's feet, not believing he would ever be worthy of forgiveness.

"Instead, he is immediately forgiven. A feast is held in his honor. The father is just glad his son came home.

"Are there truly no obvious parallels here? He asked for help, to return to my side, so of course I would fight for him."

"Well I suppose, when you put it like that."

And at Julian's side, Kevin curled almost imperceptibly closer.

Masterlist

[edoro]

Do you have any more Thoughts about Phillip making a grimwalker of himself? And maybe what that grimwalkers relationship with Hunter would be like?

oh i DO have more thoughts! thank you for asking!

this might be a little unorganized because i'm just kind of dumping my character ideas and what vague concept of a plot/life trajectory i have here, bear with me

so, first of all, i think this grimwalker predates Hunter by a lot. the idea of Hunter and a Philip grimwalker being raised together and interacting is a lot of fun, but the au with Wik/William has that covered imo so i went in a different direction

so my idea is that the two grimwalkers are the ones who Philip has when he first ascends to power as Belos. he makes them the same age, approximately 5 or 6, and what he tells them is that they had to live elsewhere in secret while he took power so no one could use them to hurt him, but now he has this big castle and a secure foothold and they can come live with him, and he tells them he's their father and raises them as twins.

the Caleb grimwalker is named Artemis. per my transfem Caleb headcanon, she's one of Philip's more successful unethical gender experiments - he more or less force femmed her and just raised her as a girl from the start, and while this has historically resulted in some Very Weird Dysphoria and been a contributing factor to the betrayal of several early attempts, it actually works out okay with her because she is in fact a girl, although sadly not really the sturdy farmbutch that Philip wants her to be.

(she's more of a reserved femme type - presentatio-wise, very good Puritan girl fashion, long full skirts and high-necked, long-sleeved blouses in sturdy knits and basic colors, enormous long hair that she usually keeps either up for running around or loose when she's attending meetings etc - not a lot of jewelry or ornamentation, but she has some fancier clothes for Special Occasions

personality-wise she's dutiful, serious, thoughtful but very headstrong and stubborn. she takes her role as princess seriously and genuinely believes that one day she will inherit the throne, so she sees herself as having a duty of care to the people of the Isles - kind of the 'best possible outcome' of a belief in monarchy here, where she sees herself as a superior kind of person and believes this gives her a responsibility to care for and guide those below her and do what's best for them.

as she grows older she learns to temper her impulses, and thinks her decisions through very carefully. after all, she's been taught her whole life that Her Actions Have Consequences, so, if she's going to do or say something, then she needs to be aware of and okay with the potential consequences. this means she's thoughtful but also means that once she's made up her mind, it's almost impossible to change it, because she's already considered every angle and decided she's okay with whatever she can imagine happening as a result.)

the Philip grimwalker is named Mortification-Of-The-Flesh, because Philip is not a subtle man. they call him Morty for short. he's the whipping boy, of course, so his life sucks so incredibly bad because he's the one designated to Suffer For Artemis's Sake.

(and also more than a little for Philip's sake too.)

Morty is a twitchy haunted mess of a recluse with absolutely apocalyptic amounts of rage simmering just beneath the surface at all times. he treats Philip with terrified obedience and respect bordering on worship, is wholeheartedly devoted to Artemis (who is, after all, the entire purpose for his own existence), and is a rude, sarcastic, nasty little shit to absolutely everyone else if he ever interacts with them.

his needs are provided for the same as Artemis's, but of course he's dressed in a much plainer, more ascetic style - lots of black and grey, you know. Philip keeps his head shaved to encourage humility. he's not given a staff or taught how to use magic or how to defend himself at all - that's Artemis's responsibility.

(she's not quite raised as a soldier the way, say, Hunter is later, but she is shown how to use an artificial staff and given combat training, and does eventually get given the position of Golden Guard, i think. in her case it's a lot more "personal bodyguard/caretaker/assistant to the Emperor" rather than the all-around gopher position we see Hunter have.)

he's punished frequently and harshly for any misstep on his sister's part, and he never really gets used to it or quite figures out how to disengage from himself while it's happening. really, his suffering is the point, so if you look at it that way, it would be wrong of him to, right? Artemis watches his punishments and is responsible for patching him up afterwards, to really drive home the lesson that this is her responsibility.

they are... very codependent. they both sort of see Morty as, basically, part of her. not even quite like they're both one person or conjoined in some way, but like he's one of her limbs, something that has no independent will of its own and could not function or exist separately from her, and which ultimately exists only to be controlled and used by her. totally healthy normal sibling relationship here!

Morty's very angry a lot of the time. he has an interesting status - barely even a person in his own family, but he exists to be punished for them, not for anyone else. since he isn't really an independent person and he doesn't really have any autonomy and he exists as the living embodiment of Philip and Artemis's penance, then he can't really get in trouble for anything he does to anyone else, right?

so he's just kind of an asshole and a terror to most other people. the castle staff and coven heads stay out of his way. this is easy because he likes to keep to himself anyway.

he lives a very aimless sort of life, just drifting around the castle or trailing after Artemis. he picks up a lot of gossip, i imagine, and shares it with her, and he's her errand boy whenever she wants to get something done without being seen to have done it herself.

i think these two make it into their early to mid 20s.

at some point, something happens, i'm not exactly sure what, but it's a bit of a lightbulb moment for Artemis. she realizes that Morty is, in fact, An Entire Separate Person, and furthermore that this whole whipping boy arrangement is extremely fucked up, and mulls that over for a bit and comes to the conclusion that it should stop, but when she tries to present this idea to their father, well, it does not go very well to say the least.

this earns Morty a ferocious punishment, and to really drive the point home, Philip makes Artemis be the one to inflict it. she does learn a lesson here, but not the one he wanted: she learns that perhaps her father is wrong and is not as reasonable as he likes to act, and decides that she and Morty need to get out of there. (and maybe she can go spend some time living amongst the common people, learning how they see things, etc etc...)

so that's a whole thing, she does the like Mulan plot-relevant haircut, dresses them both up all incognito and takes some money and goes. they end up wandering for a bit and then finally settle in a city a ways away from the castle, and get taken in by some good samaritan who recognizes they need help and offers them a room to rent and work at their business.

they have, oh, maybe a year or two of freedom, but of course eventually Philip catches them. :o) he kills both of them, burns down the shop/apartment, and has the person who housed them captured to publicly execute and Make An Example Out Of - see what this vicious wild witch did to his poor dear children?

he made sure to keep a bit more distance between himself and the next couple of grimwalkers, and he never made one of himself again.