#I'm angry about the death penalty in the US and I'm angry about the ongoing quiet genocide of First Nations people in Canada

[thedreadvampy]

unfortunately the world is too fucking messed up so I am currently unable to give a shit about how messed up everything is because it's all too big and if I get upset about any of it my entire ability to be a person will come crashing in

normal service will resume as soon as possible

[moon-catto]

The Sorcerer and His Witch Wife

There's an ongoing rumors about Gojo Satoru and his young wife. What could it be?

Warning: just lots of fluff and it's a bit spicy (slightly suggestive content) here, so if you're not comfortable with that please avoid reading these. And also, watch out for the grammar mistakes tee-hee!

Of course, there will be a sketch here. I don't have time to finish it yet soooooo- i hope it'll be enough for now. Enjoy your reading~

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There's a rumor going on about the famous Gojo couple lately. It is said that the Gojo head clan is showing... Concerning change recently.

"She must be using some kind of spell on him..."

"Look at Young Master Satoru's face! He's completely intoxicated!"

"He looks so lovestruck, it's unbelievable..."

"So it's true?"

"That the young wife of the Gojo Satoru is actually a witch?"

"Why are they whispering ?" You whispered softly on his ears. Everyone's been staring at you both ever since the clan gathering ended. You're not uncomfortable at first, but their growing intense stare and loud whisper just created a frown on your face.

"Dunno." He brushed it off, he smiled when he stare at your face. His body leaned down to hold your hand. "Don't mind them."

"I don't mind but," you chuckled. "They called me a witch, Satoru."

"They call you a what?"

"A witch." You said it back again. Completely unaware of the change happening on his expression. "Isn't that funny? A witch married to a sorcerer—huh, wait... Is witch and sorcerer the same or different?" You mumbled to yourself, thinking about the needless question and missed how your husband turned his back —glaring at the crowds around him with a death sentence reflected in his blue orbs.

"Don't make me angry now." He says with a low tone but enough for everyone to hear it clearly. "Leave now if you want to live."

"Huh? What?" You gawked at him. "Are you mad at me?"

He immediately looks at you with a soft smile—devoid of the killer intent he had earlier. "No, of course not."

How can i be mad at you. He thought to himself.

"is that so... " You eyed him to find any strangeness in him. Excluding the panicking crowds that are starting to flee for their lives, you don't find anything off about him. So you continued. "What do you think about witch and sorcerer?"

"Why are you late giving me the report?" Gojo rubbed his temples in a gentle manner but the veins popping right and left on his hands said otherwise. "I could've go back home right now if you're not messing at the last minute." His patience is growing thin. It's showing on how sharp he glared at the staff who's currently and visibly shaking in front of him.

"S-s-sorry, Gojo-san... The printer run out of i-i-ink..."

"Do i allow you to talk?"

The poor staff shrieked. 'I should've listened to Ijichi-san earlier!' he cried internally as he remembered what Ijichi told him this noon.

'Just go somewhere else to print it even if it's on the other district, Gojo-san is really impatient lately. If you make him go home late even just by a minute,' Ijichi patted the younger staff's shoulder with an extremely grim expression on his sleep deprived face. 'You're done for.'

Dun dun dun!

Suddenly the young staff felt like he just received a death penalty.

"Waah! I don't wanna die young, please! I got a pregnant girlfriend at home!!"

"Well too bad," Gojo grinned devilishly. "I'm gonna make your life a living hell—"

Bzzzzt!

His phone buzzing and he instantly delayed the execution of the poor staff when he saw your name appeared on his post. "Oh!" He cheerfully greeted you like he wasn't just going to assault a young innocent human. "Hello, dear!"

"Ugh, what's with the pet name." He can imagine you shudder on the other side of the phone. "You're still outside, right?"

"Yeah, sorry for being late. I will teleport right to home!"

"No biggies," you said to him. "Actually, if you don't mind can you go to the convenience store and grab one bottle of oyster sauce? And oh, I just remember we ran out of eggs too."

"Eggs and oyster sauce, got it." He smiled. And the poor staff just baffled on the scene unfolding in front of him. Is he safe now? "Anything else?" He sweetly asked.

"I think that's all. Don't forget it, okay? Oyster sauce not soy sauce, don't mixed it up like last time!"

"Owkay! Roger that!" His grin became wider when he heard you laughed. A music to his ears, indeed.

"Okay, thank you. Don't rush yourself up. I'll wait for you at home. Bye bye."

"Bye bye!" He clicked his phone and he switched back to his berserk mode. "Now where was i?"

Eek! I'm still not safe!

"I'm sorry, Gojo-san! I won't repeat the same mistake, so please forgive me just this once!" He bowed so deep that his backbone is cracking on the sudden movement.

Gojo looks at him in slight confusion and a lot of disinterest. "'M not talking to you."

"E-eh?"

"What are you still doing here? Go home and stuff, i guess."

"Y-y-you're not going to kill me?" He asked in trembling voice.

"Nah, i got more important things to do. I need to buy soy sauce and eggs for my wife."

"... I-i-t's o-oyster sauce."

"Huh? Oh, right. Oyster sauce." Gojo grinned at him and the staff can feel his legs lost their willpower when the sorcerer patted his shoulder. "Thanks, kiddo. Guess you're not that bad either. Now shoo, don't make me change my mind."

He hurriedly thanked him and ran away.

Did he... Just got saved by oyster sauce and eggs?

"That so..." Gakuganji hummed for a bit. "We finally found Gojo Satoru's weakness, you say?"

"Yes! I believe the key to his weakness is..." Gakunganji sipped on the hot oolong tea in the glass he's currently holding while waiting for his henchmen words.

"... His wife!"

"COUGH!"

"kYaAk! PrInCiPAL GaKuGAnJi!"

(A/N: Lol i just hated his guts)

"I'm fine." The bald man wiped his mouth with a tissue. "You're saying we should kidnap his wife and make her as a hostage?"

"Yes! That way, we can control Gojo Satoru and make him do whatever you desire!"

"Hmmm..." The Kyoto Principal thought of it for a moment. The plan's simple and there's actually a good success rate—unlike their plan before...

"There's also a rumor about it," the other henchman—just call him fool B— added. "That his wife is actually a witch and used some kind of love spell on him, that's why he always being weird around her."

"A witch?" Gakuganji scoffed. "... Fine. I'll trust you both to this."

"Sir, Yes Sir!"

Satoru is having a bad feeling right now. After he bought the eggs and oyster sauce from the store—yes, he got it right this time— he can't shake off the weird feeling crawling inside his stomach.

"This is prolly nothing." He said but his action contradicted his words when he reached for his phone inside his pocket and fast dialed the number one in his contact.

His steps is slightly faster as he waited for his wife to pick up his call. Never been he's this restless when hearing the long dialing tone and almost crushed the phone in the process until you finally greeted him.

"Satoru? What's wrong?"

Oh, what a relief. He thought. His chest almost exploded because of the anxiety building inside him. "Nothing." He stopped to lean on the concrete wall beside him. "Nothing, really." He chuckled to shake off the remaining fear inside him but it doesn't work like it used to do. "... Just wanna hear your voice, wife."

"Hmm?" He can see the corner of your lips lifted and he mirrored the gesture. "You're kinda weird lately, husband."

"Mm-hmm, a lot of people actually say that too." He laughed because he couldn't contain his happiness when you called him husband. He found it really sweet and endearing from you. "I dunno what's weird about me."

"You are the literal definition of weird, Satoru."

"Hmph! You hurt my feelings!" He puffed his cheeks in annoyance even though you can't see him.

"Hehe," you giggled and God, did he want to jump off from a cliff right now because you just sound so heavenly and it just awaken something inside him. "Wife,"

"What now?"

"When i come home..." He threaded his words carefully, it makes you kinda nervous too because he usually doesn't hold back his words like this. It's fortunate that you're not here with him so you can't see how red his face is right now. "Can we... Umm, can we..."

"Yes?" You became impatient because of his sudden change of demeanor.

"... Can we do it ?"

Silence.

"...."

"W-wife?" He's bitting his bottom lips nervously— he can't see your expression and it's killing him. He can completely make you do what he wants, but he doesn't want that. He wants you to want him too, and when you do reciprocate his feelings it made his head spin with his adoration and love towards you. "If you don't want it, it's c-completely okay—" his words cutted off by a sound of rustling and muffled scream that he knows well belongs to you.

"Wife?"

"Got her! Now let's go back to Principal Gakuganji!"

There's a crack and he's back with an eerie silence.

His blood ran cold. "Fuck!" He cursed and he started to run like a mad man, jumping from roof to roof with his heart beating uncontrollably in his ribcage.

He won't let them get away, no. He will tore their limbs off and burned them into ashes!

He saw the penthouse from afar and decided to warp himself into the doorstep. He's out of breath despite his stamina isn't depleted in one bit, face pale like he's out of blood and his trembling hands make it hard for him to slide his penthouse key card to open the door.

When the door slightly beeps and open, he immediately pulled his blindfold because the hall is completely dark with pieces of glass from the broken lamp. "Fuckers." He mumbled underneath his now steady breath.

He stepped on the glass—uncaring about how loud he is right now, all he does care is the safety of his wife and the one who's responsible for this.

Principal Gakuganji... He replayed his name and cursed him with all of his heart. I will certainly make you pay for this.

He turned to the left where the living room is and—

"TAKE THIS, INTRUDER! HYAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

A red pan is flying towards him alongside with a scream similar to a warcry.

"What the fuck—" he instantly activated his infinity to prevent him from being hit.

Bonk!

Satoru scrambled to turn on the light after he kicked the pan somewhere in the living room just to be surprised when he saw the perpetrator.

"Ouch!" The culprit is currently sitting down on the floor while rubbing her forehead.

He gasped.

"WIFE!" He instantly kneeled in front of you and focused on a large bruise on your forehead. "God, I'm sorry! I-i-i didn't mean to!" He's soon peppering kisses on your face and felt his heart crushed when seeing the fat transparent glob of tears appearing on one of your eyes. "My baby! Please don't cry, o-okay? Uh, I'll just—"

He's searched the room and quickly take back the pan he just kicked. The pan already looks so pitiful with an ugly bump on one side—the result of his attack earlier.

"Here! You can hit me three times harder! I won't activate my infinity, so please don't cry—" he pleaded.

"Ahahaha!" You laughed, letting the tears ran down from your eyes—leaving him with the biggest confusion he ever felt. "Oh, Satoru!" You hugged him and he returned your hug still with visible confusion on his handsome face. " That was hilarious, i can't even pfft-" you laughed again.

"You okay, wife?" He whined, his hand hovered over your bruise—not daring to touch it because it looks quite painful.

"I'm fine," you put your hand on the bruise then concentrated on your cursed energy. And when you lifted your hand, the bruise is gone without a trace. It's one of your abilities, to use the reversed cursed technique to heal yourself and others. " See? No big deal."

"Still..." He pouted sadly.

"I said it's okay," you booped his nose and his lips quivered. "It's partly my fault too because i hit you out of nowhere. You alright?"

"Yeah," he remembered about the phone call and instantly holding both of your shoulders. "Where are they?"

"Who?"

"The one who attacked you earlier!"

"Oh, them." You stood and leave his embrace. "They're in the dining room." Your answer came out so casual, it made him so baffled.

This is the most confusing day ever. He can't help his thoughts.

"Oh, you're back Y/N-san!" Gojo immediately glared at the new strangers that occupied the seat in your wide dining table. They even had the audacity to eat your home cooked meals that is supposed to be his. "And, uh, g-g-good evening, Gojo-sama..."

The other fool, is gulping down his meal with a pale face. "E-excuse us for i-intruding..."

"Wife, what the fuck happened here." It's not a question but rather a command. The two strangers are shaking in their place because of the coldness in his voice.

"Watch your words," you shot him back with the same coldness and the room suddenly felt like there's a blizzard currently happened. "You're making them scared."

Gojo scoffed. "Scared? I'm going to make them feel worse than that."

"Eek!"

"Don't be so cold now." You're back on the stove where you're currently cooking a pot of short rib stew. You stretched him a hand. "Oyster sauce."

He, despite being so angry—complied to your words and gave you the sauce. "They're trying to hurt you, wife. Do you think i'm really going to let them out just like that?"

"That's true, they almost kidnapped me." Satoru gritted his teeth and one of the fool passed out because of the intense fear. The other one rushed to his side and trying to wake him up. "But they failed, right?" You pointed your finger towards them. "I gave them a good beatings too."

He glanced to them and found fresh new red bumps on their heads. Three on each head.

"Besides, they're still children. Almost the same age with Yuuji and Megumi." You tasted the stew and add a spoonful of oyster sauce inside the pot. "You don't want to hurt children, right?"

Gojo grumbled, totally unhappy with the situation he is in right now. He looked at the two said kids, shaking on the floor and looking at him with tearful—almost comedic eyes.

"We-we're regretting everything we h-had done..." One of them said.

"See? They even apologizing." You chuckled, pushing Satoru lightly so he sits on one of the chair.

"Wife..." He warned with anger evident in his eyes.

"Please?" You looked at him with a soft smile and big eyes. You knew very well he would simply melt if you do that. "For me?" Okay, that's the cherry on top for him.

"..... Hmmmmph." His frown is getting deeper as he keeps staring at the children. It's not like he's that cruel to kill them without any hesitation, they're probably being fooled by that grumpy higher-ups after all. He sighed in defeat. "You win."

"Yay!" The kids cheered and you laughed.

"That's my husband." You kissed his cheek to express your gratitude and he slyly used the chance to stole a kiss from you.

"GASP!"

"Close your eyes, this is not what you kids should see." He grinned teasingly.

"Pervert." You smacked his shoulder playfully and back to the stove to prepare his dinner.

"But you love me." He says.

"That, i sure do." You replied in a heartbeat resulting in his grin becomes wider.

The kids looked at Satoru and you.

There's a rumor ongoing about Gojo Satoru and his wife. That his wife is a witch and have Satoru completely under her love spell. How she can manipulate him into a mushy mess with just her smile.

And it seems that the rumors are true.

"Thank you for the meal!" The children bowed at you and Satoru with tummy's full of your delicious cooking and their wounds healed completely.

"Take care of yourselves, okay? Tell me if you're being threatened by the higher-ups." You gave them a gentle smile.

They looked at you like you are an actual goddess, Satoru doesn't object that.

"Yes! Thank you for your kindness!" They bowed once again before walking out from your warm and cozy home.

"Now that wasn't so bad, right?" You nudged Satoru and let him pulled you into his chest.

"...No." he admitted before kissed your head, then your neck.

"Kids are lovely," you continues and he hummed in your skin. "Satoru, you hear me?"

He pulled you back into the penthouse, kicking the door closed and locked it. You watch him with raised eyebrows. "I heard you loud and clear." He says before leaned and pecked your lips. "You want kids?"

You realized what his intention too late, he shut your lips with his before you can muttered a response. When he finally pulled to give you a break to catch some air, he continued with a sly smile that immediately made your heart skipped a beat. "I can give you kids," he bite into your neck and left his mark there. He looked at your flustered face and says...

The next morning in Kyoto Principal Office...

"What..." Gakuganji held the letter in his trembling hands. "What the hell is this!?!"

Dear Principal,

Yesterday after we failed to kidnap Gojo Satoru's wife, she gave us a hearty warm dinner. We now realized that we do not want to be a sorcerer. We don't know what we want to be when we become an adult certainly not become a scary and old grumpy principal like you lmao. But Y/N-san has taught us so many life lesson and encouraged us to chase after our dreams. Therefore, with this letter we announced our retirement as sorcerers and your henchmen.

With all respect which is none,

Sorcerer A and B

Lol i don't know about this one but i hope you're having a fun time with this just like i do!

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