#I'm allowed to be pretentious and wordy Sometimes it jumps out when I got the fuzzyheads

[hajihiko]

Let me just say, I LOVE the way you draw Junko. She's like a mix between a haunted doll and a hollow scarecrow

Thank you shes increasingly fun to draw

Junko, the girl, alive and (physically) well

Junko, the body dead but too much of it remaining inside others to be gone, her ideals living beyond her years and becoming synonymous with her name, turning her into not a girl but an idea, the most unkillable thing

[itsakpopalypse]

ORAGAMI HEART

Im Jaebeom x Reader

1.6K words

Warnings : None? unless pretentious, wordy inner monologs aren't your thing. Cause it's definitely that. Over use of metaphors, and a STRONG aversion to making any kind of sense at all.

Jaebeom's heart, he thought, was like a folded paper crane. The kind you left on your windowsill growing up that he could see from his own across the yard. You used to tell him each fold held a wish of yours that you whispered beneath the stars. You had loads of origami friends, each lined neatly in your room, an army of your hopes and dreams, he had no doubt they'd all come true.

Currently, the folds inside him, full to bursting with wishes and hopes, made him want to hide away or sing ? He couldn't tell but he knew he wasn't ready to tell you.  Not yet, anyway. 

Surely, on your trip you'd come back with priorities very far from his own, taking you to some adventure that wasn't quite so simple. No, because you were never really simple. 

You were spicy cups of cider on the roof outside your room, with matching fuzzy socks and a big shared blanket and "shhhhhh they'll wake up if you keep laughing Jae!"   

You were the feeling of adrenaline right before the drop on a roller coaster, that weightless fearful stomach in your throat  feeling that made your heart feel as high as the sun itself.

You were passion and jumping in puddles well into your twenties and arriving in the house soaked to the bone with a satisfied smile. 

You were moonlit nights and the smell of vanilla and anise. You were home to him,  but you were never home with him, and he feared  his heart would weigh you down. 

So he folded up his feelings, like your paper cranes, and let a wish get whispered into each crease. 

****

Jaebeom was like the very stars, to you,  glittery and out of reach and so, so much more beautiful than they know. 

Coming home meant coming to his side, and that was scarier than any bungie jump you'd ever done. Sure, you were full of spontaneous excitement, but he was the stillness your heart needed to find peace. He was steady and strong, like the undercurrent in an ocean. 

Dangerous, like that too. Because it took barely you dipping your toe in to feel the rush that overwhelmed you, 

 dragging your heart into the depth of his eyes.  

Truthfully, you did half your traveling to avoid the fear you had when you saw him last. Over a year ago in person, when you'd both drank a few bottles of rosé because he isn't tough like he wanted people to think  and you'd asked him what he wanted from life.

Then he'd said "Family. Someday."  He'd said so wistful, so full of certainty that your gut had twisted in pain. He said it like he knew exactly who that would be, like his future was laid out in clearly defined path he knew, but had yet to follow. 

It made you afraid to ask him who, it made you more afraid to guess. You didn't want to know, because you had feared  it wouldn't be you. 

But now, you couldn't avoid him. It was your sister's wedding, and your families were close. He'd be there, as always. It scared you just a bit, to imagine just how handsome he'd be now in person. You kept in touch enough to facetime occasionally, talked nearly daily. You'd seen his hair, pulled back in ponytail, little strands broke free. Part of you wanted to run your fingers through it loosely hanging about his handsome face. 

The various new piercings he had suited him perfectly,  and his once slouchy style had become more refined. Perfectly low maintaince and yet costly for you. 

The price you'd paid for being his closest friend was your heart, and he'd clearly lost the receipt.

He crossed the dance floor towards you,  one hand out as though asking you to jump. 

You were so tired of making excuses for your red cheeks, wondering how he hadn't figured you out long ago.

You were all pictures in black and white, when he was near your world exploded into a kaleidoscope of color, dizzying and free. 

He was the band aids he kept in his back pocket when your riskier stunts failed.  He was the click of tongue against teeth in disapproval when you said something a little too sassy back. 

He was worried brows and dark stormy eyes and protection from failure.  He was the rocks tip tapping against your window on a summer eve, when your tank top clung to your damp skin after  a shower. 

He was secret smiles and shared songs and night drives that let you scream until your voice was raw.

He was fingertips electrifying your skin when he held your hand to pull you back from the edge of misery. 

He was safety and solace and comfort like huge down comforters weighted with nothing but your best interests at heart. He was firey warmth and understanding in bright shining eyes.

He was mischievous and perfect… and you were scared.

As you slid your hand into his and let him lead you close close closer until your bodies were pressed  tight. More an embrace than proper form, and your head felt too heavy with  worry to be held up on your own, letting it fall, resting on his front, tucking into him for the reassuring you needed,  that even after running free he was still waiting for you.

Not as a lover does, but as a part of your life you couldn't be without. 

As you felt one hand too hot against your lower back, the swaying lulled your eyes closed to enjoy the moment,  afraid to pop the bubble of intimate silence. 

"You cut your hair."  He commented,  the rumble beneath his suit deep and low.

"Yours grew."  You replied simply.

He hummed, thoughtful as always.

The hand on your low back was too hot, grasping gently, thumb rubbing  over your spine. You couldn't suppress a chill, instead your breath wooshed out of your lungs.

"Jaebeom!"  your aunt called from nearby, dragging you both from your own planetary spiral.

He lifted his head and eyebrow, smiling gently as he always did. 

"Yes Auntie?"  He asked, moving you towards her, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze as you broke apart from blissful reunion. 

Your aunt was beaming. "I see you've found our wandering child!  Haven't you missed her?"  

Your eyes widened. "Auntie!" 

Jaebeom's ever patient chuckle hit your ears and  calmed you,  the sound so familiar and necessary in your life. 

You felt like you could breathe again.

"She had to do it, or she'd never know she could. Can't tie her down- Y/n deserves to follow her dreams. Missing her is preferable to her missing out on herself."

God, sometimes when he said such things you could imagine a future he wanted but with you. It tightened your chest, because you'd tried to escape this,  leaving distance should have brought clarity but instead within moments your choking on emotion.

They began to chat about his work, and you excused yourself, bodice of your dress too tight,  chest full of desert air too hot and dusty to allow you thought. 

You hovered near the drink table, desperately clinging to a wine stem, drinking several in one go. 

It wouldn't be long until you could forget,  you think,  too overwhelmed with it all.

By the time your body is buzzing from drink, just tipsy enough to brave the crowd again, Jaebeom is already there,  eyebrow lifted as he considered the 4 glasses to your left.

"Don't judge me. Weddings are scary." 

He didn't speak, just took your hand and led you away. 

The night air was fresh and brought you some sense of calm. You spun gently in a circle, your skirt flying out in a circle, enjoying the air and the silence and the humming of life in your veins.

"You were gone a long time. " 

You nodded,  opening your eyes to regard his handsome face. 

"Facetime isn't enough. I like it when you're tangible."  His hands steadied your elbows when you stopped spinning, letting your dizziness fade protected.

Except it didn't fade. Instead the dizziness got more intense,  the world outside yourself and Jaebeom spinning, the stars becoming a blur of white streaks and chaos reigned in your mind.

The roller coaster you loved so felt like child's play in adrenaline highs in comparison to staring into his eyes. Something in them undiscovered made you shudder in excitement, and you made either the biggest mistake or your first right decision, grabbing his lapels and bursting forward, he caught you and registered the shock for just one moment. You had a split second before you lost nerve, you only needed a hint.  

He glanced at your lips, wetting his own and maybe, just maybe  recognition in his hungry gaze. 

He read your mind and you let it go.

"I'm going to." Your voice was quiet, timid in ways you never were. 

"Do."  And that one word sealed your fates as you sealed your lips against his.

Sometimes  a moment feels like eternity in a bubble, trapped under glass for the infinite beings in the universe to ponder.

This moment felt like infinity and insignificance.  The first of uncountable kisses, the last time you could call him just friend. 

Because he responded.  He responded with the vigor of a man who knew only the breath inside your mouth as though he were useless without your touch  as though he felt the weight of your entire future flashing into his  minds eye. 

No moments spared for what ifs, when your foreheads rested against each other his folded origami heart suddenly beat inside your chest too, plenty  payment for the way you'd given yours to him.