#I'm actually gonna krill myself😭

[unfortunatebrainfarts]

After working with your friendly neighborhood intergalactic space cowboy for quite some time, you've managed to become pretty damn good at understanding the gist of what he means to say

Boothill x reader

A/n: OK SO, first fanfic in like 6 years and it's for an intergalactic space cowboy

Tbh I have no idea why I wrote this, my ipad apps are constantly monitored by the teacher and I really have nothing better to do than go on my notes app and pretend I'm writing notes

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY = I HOPE YOU GET FUCKED BY THE IPC AND ROLL IN YOUR OWN DEBT AND SUFFERING (or something like that)

BLESS YOUR HEART = FUCK YOU

PRAY FOR ME = FUCK ME

LOVELY = FUCK

YOU WONDERFUL PERSON = YOU BITCH

Well ain't you just a sweetheart? = Well you're just a little bitchboy aren'tcha?

God love him = He was fuckin' underdeveloped as a fetus wasn't he (Something along the lines of 'he's dumb as shit')

"Hm. Seems about right."

To others, your furrowed brows, tense posture, and concentrated gaze at just one singular page of your notebook may make it seem as if whatever was on that page was something life changing. And honestly, they might as well have been right since you were one step closer to understanding what the hell Boothill was spitting out more than half the time.

You recall the first time you were assigned a mission with him — "BLESS YOUR HEART YOU WONDERFUL PERSON," cue you snapping your head towards the gruff voice seeing the cowboy in all his glory easily decimating the dozens of grunts in his vicinity with a toothy grin no less, which you note are very, very sharp.

His long, flowy hair caught your attention. How was it so white and clean even with all the fights you know gets into? Does it ever get yanked? What shampoo does he use?

"Now I don' mind some ooglin', but wouldn't ya say we should keep our eyes on our enemies darlin'?"

His voice snaps you out of your trance and you come to to a shovel nearing your head. You instinctively cover your face with your hands anticipating the pain, the pain which never came since when you put them down, you see that Boohill had already left a bullet in his head.

"Spacin' out at a space cowboy? Ain't that rich."

.

Ignoring the fact that he saved you from having to get facial reconstruction surgery, the reason you almost got a face full of shovel in the first place was because of the ridiculous curse on his synesthesia beacon.

That's why you've been devoted to trying to decode the albeit hilarious, rather inconvenient in a battle things he says. You've tried asking Boothill to write them down, but his handwriting could have him assigned as a doctor in no time so you gave up on that idea quite quickly.

"Whatcha starin' at so intently darlin'?

Your train of thought was abruptly interrupted by the man of the hour mindlessly snatching your notebook right out of your hands. "Aren't you supposed to stop thieves, not act like one," you ask half heartedly. It was nothing less of what you'd expect from Boothill of all people — no, cyborgs??

"Heh, this ain't thievery 's sharin'! Er, what's that one sayin' again... share to care, care to share, sharin' to carin'? Eh whatever ya get what I mean don'tcha sugar?" He retorted, you roll your eyes mentally as he put his focus back onto the notebook. To be honest you were surprised he could even read considering his handwriting was that bad.

As Boothill read each and every one of your 'translations', his grin only grew wider and wider showing the spiky teeth you don't know how are natural but have grown accustomed to seeing. Just then, a burst of unhinged laughter randomly filled the entire lounge room you were sitting in. The weird glances and whispering were already starting but Boothill didn't care, he was Boothill.

Not wanting to be associated with the man at that very moment, you stand up to leave him comically rolling on the floor. However, you couldn't even do that because the moment you stood up, Boothill snatched your leg and dragged it so that you would fall back down. This time, onto the floor with him. "Well ain't you something sweetcheeks, ya got me alll figured out huh?"
.

.

It's been two months. Ever since Boothill realized that you had actually tried to figure out the true meaning behind his words — and actually got them relatively right — he's been using you to spew out insults overtime. Honestly it was like you had become a pokemon, you could just picture it in your head.

BOOTHILL BROUGHT OUT ____

____ USED SWEAR! IT WAS SUPER EFFECTIVE

Either way, it wasn't that bad since though you might be imagining things, it feels as if you've grown ever so slightly closer to the eccentric space cowboy.

You continue to observe boothill and add more and more onto your list of translations, but apparently you fail to notice that he no longer uses any casual pet names like 'darling' or 'sweetcheeks' anymore. At least, not for anyone but you.

[seoafin]

Crying and sniffling falling to the ground pls u CANNOT bring up stsg getting boners from ripmc being sick around me I'm a degenerate I CANT cope w this information I literally cannot stop thinking about them cooing and baby talking and pinching and cupping her as she just lies there all stupid and dumb and takes it. too delirious to talk or fight back just humming and mewing all pliant in their arms like PLSSSSS the image of her actually being boundary-less and forthcoming about wanting cuddles and reaching up all needy and grabby handy for Geto and crawling all over him and whimpering and he's like ahahaha... i'm gonna jizz on her thigh and Gojo's just watching like this is the most Serious Shit™️ I'm gonna krill myself they're going to insta coom when they realise they can do any fucking thing rn and get away w it they could literally just be like erm ^^' say...do you think you could jerk us off and she'd just sleepyhead smile and beam at them and literally just do it and say stupid lovey dovey shit because her embarrassment filter is gone like "ahhh... these feel so nice and big and warm in my hands...? It feels like velvet... <3 Gojo, your tip is getting so cute and red... Is it okay if I touch it just a little...?" Like they'd literally just have to ask her for anything and she'd get so into it not even cus she's that horny or anything she's just like their dicks are so cute stupit brained probably starts nuzzling their cocks on her face just cus they feel nice and warm and starts deep throating on em cus her woozy fever brains like 🫵 'u starve urself this is free food' literally wakes up to Gojo or Geto's dick in her gullet just fell asleep orally cockwarming them didn't even care and probably they feel bad taking low-key advantage of her like this but it is the one (1) time they will ever have ripmc taking the initiative to squirm and nuzzle all over em like this she will never get sick again it's a one time thing she's like a roach, even tho she's suicidal even she can't krill herself she simply cannot die it's a once in a lifetime opportunity the time to diddle her and her is NOW or NEVER

as i was reading this insane ask all i could think about was that tweet where it's like "nothing better than getting head from a sick bitch" 😭😭😭😭😭😭

anyway this is so insanely hot to me just the idea of being coddled while you're too sick to do anything like push them away....combined with a lack of inhibitions on both your parts. gojo keeping you upright while geto feeds you soup. but gojo has a wandering hand and he's feeling you up the entire time while geto watches and tells you to open your mouth with a smile. checks your temperature by sticking his fingers into your mouth. you want to kiss them but you don't want to get them sick so you decide the next best course of action is to suck their dicks.