#I'm a shameless allergy hoe

[snezfics-n-shit]

Whumptober Day 4: Headache

Fandom: Ace Attorney (noticing a pattern?)

Characters: Mia Fey, Diego Armando

Notes: Hey hey new ship coming through beep beep, Miego during their brief relationship in 2013, stifling, allergic!Diego, fluff as always, PUPPIES, Grossberg Law Offices: Hamster Division, “tippy-tapped” as a verb

“Slow down, kitten. There’s no fire.” Diego struggled to keep a grip on Mia’s hand as she led him to Fey Manor. “You aunt doesn’t really expect us to be here no later than three hours before dinner, does she?”

“You’d be surprised. Besides, I want to show you something.”

A genuine French Press, Diego was sure. Mia promised there would be a working coffee machine the next time he visited the manor, so it had to be that. The visible amount of offense Diego displayed after that visit when Mia suggested they stop at a Starbucks of all places surely left an impression. His heart should surely recover from such a betrayal when he would see the shiny new appliance that would introduce the population of Kurain Village to coffee made the correct way.

Upon entering Fey Manor, it was now Diego’s turn to rush. The kitchen was his first stop, which met him with only disappointment when he saw there was in fact not a French Press waiting for him. 

“Where’s the coffee maker?” He rubbed his nose absentmindedly. “Wasn’t that what you wanted to show me?” He kept looking around for wherever it might be hiding, sniffling once or twice as he did so.

“What?” Mia chuckled. “We don’t have one yet. Sorry to disappoint.” She kissed his cheek from behind him. “What I wanted to show you is kind of time limited, so I couldn’t wait until we got that coffee maker you keep sending us catalog clippings of. You really need to stop doing that, by the way, or Aunt Morgan is going to be pissed.”

“Hey. If you want something, you need to be assertive about it, kitten. It’s called-” Diego’s breath hitched; a swift hand managed to pinch his nose just as he reflexively leaned forward. “Ihgxt! Hngxt!” He freed his nose from his grip and sniffed. “‘Scuse me.”

“Don’t do that. You’ll give yourself a headache.” Mia scolded.

“Once you attend a midnight mass with a bad cold, that habit sticks with you. It’s not like I’ll be sneezing any more than just those two.” Diego jinxed himself. “HGGXT!” He exhaled, immediately followed by another oncoming sneeze. “K’CHgxt!”

“Cut that out. This is my old house, not a church. And here the rule is you stop stifling like that before you hurt yourself.”

“You can’t just make up rules like that on the spot.” Diego protested, rubbing his nose more consciously this time. “This elevation here sure is- HGKXT!! It’s sure doing a number on me. As overwhelming as GK’xnt!... guh, the scent of freshly ground coffee.” His head was starting to hurt, as Mia predicted, but old habits die hard, headache or not.

“It’s never bothered you before.” Mia sighed in concern and pressed a hand to his forehead. “You don’t feel warm, but it could still be the start of a cold.” 

As much as Diego had no objections to be nursed to health by his beloved kitten, he genuinely felt fine up until he entered her home. Maybe he was allergic to her Aunt Morgan likely staring daggers into him from the other room as the two spoke. 

“I’m fine, really.” The itch in his face slowly made its way to his eyes. He alternated between rubbing circles on his eyelids and using his wrist to fight off the remaining irritation refusing to leave his nose. His assurance was hardly convincing, as far as he could tell from Mia’s frown of disbelief.

“Come on, let’s find you a place to rest.” Mia led him to the living area with a gentle hand on his shoulder. “I have just the thing to make you feel better.”

She said that, but she had already confirmed there was no means of making coffee in the village, so Diego had his doubts. What could make him feel better if it wasn’t coffee? It was only fair, he supposed, since Mia clearly had her own doubts regarding his health. 

Just as Mia sat him down on the living area’s couch, she stood up with the intention to leave the room.

“You’re leaving me? Here? All alone in my time of need?” In the middle of Diego’s jest, the itch and tickling within his face grew stronger than it was just a minute ago. “E’EKXT! KCHXT!” Not only was his head throbbing, but his eyes began to join in the same heartbeat rhythm. “That’s bitter, too much even for me.”

“Hold on.” Mia peeked out the doorway, making a few whistles and patting her knees, as if she were calling for a dog. A dog… 

A dog.

Diego had a silent, one-sided agreement with all furry animals to keep as much distance as possible. Mia wasn’t aware of that, of course, but it wasn’t like he was hiding it from her; his allergies just never came up in conversation. Before they started dating, they mostly talked exclusively about work, and then the conversations moved to the Terry Fawles case and romantic sweet nothings on the side. Diego would have been more than willing to fill her in on this detail if, for example, she wasn’t out sick during the three days Grossberg Law Offices was home to the ‘office hamsters’ brought in by an intern who wanted to introduce the concept of Hamster Law this past May. Since his symptoms cleared up well before he arrived at her apartment with flowers and other gifts, that conversation never started, and at that point he had no reason to mind that.

A tiny pomeranian tippy-tapped his way into the room with Mia at his side guiding him. 

“This here is Pom Pom. He belongs to one of the mediums in town and we’re-” Mia finally had a chance to get a good look at her boyfriend’s face. “You look horrible. I just turned around for a minute.”

“Yeah. It’s like that.” Diego nonchalantly explained with a shrug before he needed his hand for another parade of stifles. “H’GKXT! I’CHXNT! G’GKXNNT! He doesn’t sleep on the furniture here, does he?” 

“He does.” Mia held a hand up to her face, just under her mouth. “Don’t tell me you’re allergic to dogs.”

“Then I won’t.” Accompanying his red eyes and dripping nose, his teasing grin just looked more pathetic than charming. 

“Real funny.” Unamused, Mia attempted to lead Diego off the couch. “Let’s get you home. I’ll tell Aunt Morgan we’re leaving early.”

“Not yet, kitten.” He sniffed in a more pronounced fashion in an attempt to fish for a little extra sympathy. “I got a headache.”

“I told you so.”

[regrettablewritings]

Hi!😁 I'll give you another ship with my dear Lucifer morningstar from Lucifer cuz as it turns out I'm a hoe for a lot of characters but what can ya do? Thank you!

Aw hell yii, somebody's talkin' my lingo! 😎

Who the fuck put the Peeps in the microwave?: Lucifer. And no, it's not because he actually likes them or is curious about what would happen; he's seen plenty of Youtube videos enough to know exactly what happens. No . . . It's far more malicious . . . Generally speaking, you don't like the constant comparison of cats to the devil. But after getting to actually meet The Devil, you think that those believers might be on to something. Lucifer's whorey ways bleeds into his need for attention like red bleeds into white in the wash, and he's completely shameless about it. For example, if he feels like you may be focusing too much on work or, gasp, other people besides him, you run the risk of encountering a very . . . mischievous Luci. Not that he's not already a prankster, but he somehow becomes a bit more childish. Catlike in some respects. He puts your mugs up higher than what you can normally reach without having to climb on the countertop. He joins you at your kitchen table while you're reading over files for work and puts on his most angelic face, insisting he just wants to keep you company and will be as quiet as vermin in Dear Old Dad's house . . . then proceed to obnoxiously click a pen while pretending to solve a word problem, or eat cheese puffs obnoxiously loud. And then . . . the Peeps: The absolute prettyboy bastard used your microwave as a casualty of war, plopping the unplated, mutant-colored marshmallows directly on the glass and letting them go. To be fair, it technically didn't ruin anything. But at least he had your attention now -- because after fussing at him for making a mess, you were currently supervising him scrubbing not only the effected areas of the glass dish, but the rest of the microwave as well. Unfortunately, you can't say a lesson was really learned because now Luci knows that if he wants to get a rise out of you, what he needs is a bunch of candies from the bargain bin.

Who forgot to put the cat out before sex?: It's not that either of you forgot the cat was there -- it was that Lucifer wanted the bloody animal to give the both of you some privacy. And because Lucifer forgot the cat was there. He was simply too busy embracing you in a liplock and laying you down on the couch to notice the glaring eyes of the cat you had rescued from the shelter. Thankfully, you two didn't get very far before the lovingly-named Lucipurr released a meow, indicating that he had become flesh and bone in the few hours it had been since you'd last fed him. Suffice to say, after a startled Lucifer flung himself off of you and onto the floor, nearly breaking his ass on the coffee table (and the laughing fit that had induced on your end), the mood was killed. For the next fifteen minutes, that is. The next time he tried anything, Lucifer made sure that his efforts would be continued in the bedroom (but not before he did a complete check of every nook and cranny in there to make sure the furry bastard wasn't trying anything).

Who posts Vines/TikToks of the other doing embarrassing shit?: Lucifer absolutely lacks boundaries. The moment he discovered smartphones, social media, and all their potential, he was all in and recording as many videos of friends and coworkers as he could in as many awkward or unideal situations as they came. You felt bad for Dan being his constant target, but you were somewhat sure that Dan felt bad for you in a way: After all, you were dating the freaking guy and yet Lucifer had few qualms about posting a video of you, drunkenly singing karaoke in what was supposed to be a private room? Harsh.

Who breaks the most phones?: Lucifer does. He's not necessarily careless, but his part-time occupation does lead him to circumstances that tend to put his phone in danger. You, Chloe, Dan, literally everyone has told him to just leave his phone in the car if he's going to get it broken that often while on the job, but the dumbass never learns. Not that he really seems to care all that much: With his wealth, he can always buy a new one. Though, the only times he gets frustrated is when photos or videos don't quite make it to the transfer and things get lost along the way. Funny photos, suggestive videos, photos and videos of you . . . Photos and videos of you being funny or suggestive . . . Downright pornographic videos he had recorded of you -- Though don't worry: He's sure you'll be more than happy to help recreate the latter. He'd gladly help you . . .

Who dies first?: It should go without saying. It really should. But that doesn't make it hurt any less. Lucifer was always one to get caught up in his indulgences, after all: Somewhere along the way, he must've gotten too swept up in the thrill, the feeling of adoration. He tells himself this but it's really just denial. Closer to the truth is that it all really was just denial: He denied the idea that you would ever leave him, that you would ever die. Luci was never good with his own thoughts and feelings, but the way you made him feel was nearly enough to convince him that, in some way, you would just plain live forever. But of course, this was not the case: It didn't matter that you were fantastical enough to love and be loved by the Devil; you were still very much a human. Very much mortal. So susceptible to things like time and illness and injury. Lucifer was the King of Indulgences. It was extremely rare for him to experience regret. But when your time inevitably ran out, remorse filled him like smoke filled his lungs with every cigarette he ran through from the moment your funeral arrangements were decided. He could never regret knowing you, as much as part of him thought doing so would spare him this pain. He tried to think of how much better he might've been had he never met you, and it always felt like he was stuck in his own personal Hell Loop with everything going wrong over and over no matter how hard he tried to change it. He regretted that for as much time as he lived up with you, he felt like he didn't use nearly enough of that time to just . . . enjoy you. You in your mortality, your fleeting beauty and love that would nonetheless haunt him for however long he might go on for. So maybe . . . for eternity? This didn't feel like his own personal Hell Loop: This was his own personal Hell Loop. And until he learned to forgive himself, it would never end. So he'd be stuck here for maybe . . . eternity.

Which one I could see as being lactose intolerant: Neither. Unless they get brought down to mortal enough, Celestials generally don't suffer ailments, let alone from things like food allergies.

Who thinks they can do something really well even though they can't?: Lucifer . . . It's not that he's not smart. But by Dad, he is lacking in so much self-awareness that it can be maddening. He thinks he's pretty good at following Dr. Linda's advice (and, to an extent, he's progressing). But the fact of the matter is, he's incredibly troubling at best. Not nearly as bad as some patients, mind you, but when Linda admitted to you that one or two sessions of Lucifer completely misinterpreting her advice nearly drove her to consider adding a secret bar into her desk, you believed her and didn't blame her for one bit.

Who is more likely to get kicked out of bed?: Lucifer is a changed devil. But it's a very slow change. You're more than happy to understand and accept this, but that doesn't mean you have to let him and his issues walk all over you. Sometimes, the big dummy just says or does things without thinking -- or because he thought too hard and thought this was the best decision to avoid further strife. And you try to be patient with him about these tendencies, you really do. But that doesn’t erase your ability to be upset by these habits, or your right to be. And no amount of him buttering you up is going to be acceptable, even when he comes by your place, armed with a dish he so thoughtfully prepared for you. Nope, he can literally go to Hell with that (really, you’re sure the demons there would appreciate a nice beef wellington); you just need some space. Ironically, this may create a cycle wherein his need to make you happy again and have your attention on him drives him to constantly hover around you and attempt to win you over, which in turn just further frustrates you. It’ll likely keep going until you either snap or a loved one pulls Luci to the side and gives him a heads up that maybe he should respect your boundaries. After all, intention isn’t the problem here: It’s the actions taken. And as much as it hurts him knowing that he accidentally hurt you, he has to respect your need for time to cool off. He forces himself to go back to his place and tries to think less about how he feels and more about how you might feel, and try to work out ways to avoid similar incidents in the future. And even though the conclusions he comes to may not be perfect, you at least respect the effort -- particularly when he next sees you, no longer armed with snacks from your favorite bakery or bouquet-carrying teddy bears. Instead, all he has is an apology. It’s sheepish, and it feels foreign to someone who rarely experiences shame or regret, but you know his whole heart is in it even if he himself doesn’t understand entirely why that is. Which is good because that’s just part one of the process; part two involves him warming up that spot in your bed that’s reserved for him!

Who uses the computer the most?: You, absolutely. Lucifer's adorably but altogether completely crap when it comes to technology. Besides, he can easily find other things with which to amuse himself, and doing the paperwork is for other people anyway.

Thank you sooooo much for participating again!!! It really means a lot!!! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️