#I'm Will and this has been my cluster b rant of the day

[carnage-cathedral]

Hi. My partner is diagnosed with BPD and I was just wondering if there’s something I need to know about properly communicating with him, we talked about how he could easily feel like I don’t actually love him and hate him instead. I know everyones’ experiences are different, but I just wanted to know stuff from actual people and not the fancy ahh psychology articles who can’t explain anything. Sorry if that’s offensive in any way :[

I'm not super qualified to answer this because I personally have not been super educated on bpd specifically (our doctors are neglectful, etc) but this post is a pretty good place to start. the language and tone you use is very important, (but I can't explain it well just go read the post)

I DO want to add, because no one ever adds this, that the responsibility to improve communication is not solely on YOU as their partner. people with personality disorders are still responsible for their actions, and although our symptoms are very difficult to cope with at times, we don't just get to say: "well these are my symptoms and you need to learn to handle me." we still have to work to improve ourselves and treat people right

if you are doing everything right, and trying your absolute best to improve the situation, but your partner is putting in zero effort to manage and acknowledge their symptoms, it is no longer your responsibility to accommodate that, and that person is abusive. there is no diagnosis that gives you leave to not put effort into your relationships and let your symptoms take all the blame

(that was kinda unrelated but I think it doesn't get talked about nearly enough specifically with bpd that sometimes people just are not actually trying to manage themselves and it is not your responsibility to fix a person or to make up for work that they simply aren't willing to put in. never let someone use their diagnosis as a free pass to abuse you, and this applies to everything.)