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Forgive Me. [JHope/Hoseok; Angst]

"If I could see you again I, I want to show you everything I have. My heart that’s beating to hold you tight, I want to convey it all to you, I, for real for real, until you hold this sincerity in your embrace once again." - J-Hope

[From “Hug Me” Taehyung & J-hope version; Trans cr; @BTS0222]

The sequel to "Hug Me". [Please read that first.]

Summary: How can one gain forgiveness from someone who is no longer in a position to give it? How can one be forgiven if they refuse to forgive themselves? How can one move forward to the future... if the past was so much better?

Hoseok x Reader/ Hoseok x his daughter; Angst

A/N: So this is the REAL thing that I was writing during my plane ride >.< since it was safe to write with public eyes around lol I’m sorry for the April Fool’s joke, but anyways, here is the angst that no one asked for. :)

Hoseok was never the same again after the death of his wife. No longer did his smile radiate like the sun, no longer did his laughter ring infectiously. Days after his wife's death, he locked himself inside his house with his daughter, tormented by the questions of her young mind.

"Where's mommy?" she constantly asked.

And he knew she was innocent. He knew that his daughter knew nothing and that you had wanted to keep it that way. Everything you had done was to protect both of them. You had shouldered all of the pain and the burden. He was angry at himself, at you, at the world. Why had things sequenced themselves so cruelly? Why, when he just realized how precious and irreplaceable you were in his life, did you have to be taken away? He would give anything for a few more months, a few more days, a few more hours. He had so many places he wanted to show you, so many things to say, so much love to give. But he didn't use the time he had been given with you, as he had promised, and he regretted it dearly.

He didn't deserve you. You didn't deserve the neglect. You didn't deserve to be married to him, to live a life where you had to fight for attention and love, where you couldn't lean on him when you needed him most. What kind of husband had he been, to not notice your weight loss, the frailty of your once energetic figure, the silence and hesitancy in your words and actions? There had been so many signs that he had been too blind to notice. If he had just paid attention, he could've coerced you to open up to him. Then maybe he would've known, he wouldn't have been so stupid and blind. Then with his love, you might've been cured miraculously. With his support, you would've been more determined to live. If you didn't have to hide and be cautious, you could've done what you always wanted to with your limited time left. You three could've been the kind of family that you two used to dream and giggle about, even for a little while.

But maybe these were all excuses...would things really have been different? Would he have truly learned his lesson if you had lived? Would he have valued your presence if you were still around? He had heard it said so many times in his life, but now he truly felt the weight of the words that stated, "You never know what you had until it is lost." He was afraid of himself. He was frightened of who he had become. Why did it take your life ending for him to realize it?

He held onto his daughter tightly every night, the only piece of you he could grasp onto. Since he wasn't home a lot before as she was growing up, he never realized how much she had taken after you. Her mannerisms, the way she talked in a matter-of-fact tone, the way she brushed her hair out of her eyes, even the small crease that furrowed between her brows when she was concentrated on something -- she had clearly adopted them from you.

Hope.

How appropriate.

The two of you had named your daughter that, for you had placed on her all of your dreams, the beautiful future of having a family.

At first, she constantly looked for her mother. A young child, ignorant to the toll of sickness and death, and Hoseok couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth. So he found various ways to avoid and stray from the topic, until it was never brought up anymore. And they fell into a routine; the comfortable life of two. And Hoseok poured every single fiber of his love into taking close care of his daughter, your daughter.

And after your untimely departure, Hoseok never looked at another. He never dared. The pain was too unbearable. How could he? How could he love another if he never properly loved the woman he had vowed to love forever? How could he take care of another person, if he didn't even notice that the person he had spent his life with was sick? He couldn't. He couldn't trust himself. And he didn't want to move on, so he shut himself off from any advances that he received, because it all reminded him of you, of what he had done to you, and of how things had ended.

If someone had asked him when he was younger what kind of adult he wanted to be, it would not be the person he was now. It would not be the hollow shell of pity, regret, and grief he embodied. It would not have been who he was half way through your marriage; the shameless man who could boldly touch another woman in lust and feigned love, and come home guiltlessly to his wife and child.

He had wanted to be someone's hope, someone's reason to smile and to push through the dark days, someone who loved infinitely, fearlessly, and unconditionally, but he had strayed so far from his childhood ambition.

"Dad."

Hoseok hadn't noticed he was zoning out once again at the dinner table until the sound of his daughter's voice called him back to reality. It happened more often than he'd like, but his psychiatrist told him it was his way to escape, to make his way back to you.

"Hm?" he focused his eyes on his daughter, her eyes full of worry.

"Please eat." She frowned. "You haven't eaten."

He smiled and nodded.

"Do you want me to feed you?" she grinned. "Just like mom--"

His daughter sharply paused, knowing well enough that this topic was off limits. She had always been intuitively smart, just like you had been.

"Here." she scooped up some food into her spoon and inserted it into Hoseok's mouth. "One bite for you, then--" she fed herself. "one bite for me!!"

She giggled, and Hoseok couldn't help but smile at her innocence. Even though he was sure his daughter had an inkling about what happened to her mother, she never showed her confusion or her hidden sadness. When he thought about it, it made him all the more disappointed in himself. Even his daughter now was hiding things to protect him, to cater to him. How pathetic could he be? How long would he be like this?

What really pulled him out of his self pity though was the one day he received a phone call from school stating that his daughter had been rushed to the hospital. His whole body turned to ice at the word "hospital", and before he could hear the entire story, he had rushed out of his office like a madman.

"Hope! Hope!" he frantically yelled, in blind search for his daughter.

Returning to the hospital where you had died had been something he avoided at all cost. It had plagued him in his nightmares and every time he passed by it on a car ride, he could feel his chest tighten and his breath shortening.

It was no exception now.

He felt light headed and overwhelmed. Flashes of your limp body being pushed away on a covered stretcher replayed and soon, the images of his daughter's flitted across his mind too. He fell to his knees in the middle of the lobby, absolutely terrified of the worst case scenario, but trying to keep the strings of his sanity together.

"Uncle Hobi!"

His head shot up at the sound of Yoongi's daughter, who coincidentally was the same age, and best friends with Hope.

"Come." her little hands grabbed his. "Hope told me to make sure you got to her because you didn't like the hospital and she was worried."

Hoseok's heart panged at the comment. How had his daughter known that? And the fact that she worried for him despite being the one being admitted into the hospital was so much like his wife that his heart continued to be pained. The constant resemblance brought him both happiness and sadness.

"I-is she okay?"

"Yes." Yoongi's daughter smiled. "I called dad too, since his office was closer than yours, so he's with her now."

"What happened?"

"She told me not to tell because you'd get mad..." the young girl bit her lip worriedly. "Please don't get mad at her though. She only wanted to make you happy."

"Me? Why?"

Yoongi's daughter glanced around to make sure the coast was clear. "She's been taking care of an injured bird for a few weeks, and once it got better, she wanted to show you. I saw it once. It was colorful and beautiful. I think it must be a rare kind of bird, but she said you and aunty used to talk about birds, wings, and flying all the time. She wanted to take it home so you wouldn't feel as lonely with just the two of you."

Hoseok felt a sob surface in his throat.

"But she lost her footing while climbing the tree, and she fell and fractured one of her legs. She didn't want the school to call you because she didn't want to make you more sad, but I told her she couldn't exactly hide that." Yoongi's daughter stopped at the door and gestured to Hoseok. "This is her room. You can go ahead in."

Hoseok chuckled and ruffled the young girl's hair, every bit as blunt and nonchalant as her father. Then with a deep breath, he entered the room to find Hope in bed with her leg already in a cast, smiling sheepishly.

"Umm..." she glanced down guiltily. "Hi Dad."

Yoongi smiled and rested a hand on Hoseok's shoulder before leaving the two to talk.

"Sweetheart." Hoseok cupped her cheek lovingly. "Does it hurt?"

She was clearly confused about his response, having expected him to be angry. But he was more relieved that it wasn't a serious injury...or life threatening.

"You're not mad?"

Hoseok chuckled and shook his head. "No. I'm not. I'm glad you're safe."

She smiled. "I'm okay. I'm strong."

"I know you are, Angel."

The nickname rolled off his tongue and he felt himself tense up. It had been a name reserved just for you once upon a time, and he could feel the winds billowing against the cobwebs of his mind. The sense of longing jabbed into his heart and caused a wave of despair to crash over him.

Knowingly, his daughter reached over and grabbed his hand.

"Dad. You're strong too."

He shook his head, feeling tears well up in his eyes. "I'm not. I'm really not at all, sweetie."

"Dad, I want you to stop being sad." she frowned and squeezed his hand. "Please. You're the only person I have left, and I want you to be happy. What can I do to make you happy again?"

Hoseok sobbed into his young daughter's chest. "I don't deserve you. I don't deserve either of you."

Maturely, Hope patted his back quietly, letting her father cry. But her words had opened up a dam inside his being.

You're the only person I have left.

He couldn't wither away and drown himself in the past anymore. He couldn't keep having his daughter worry for him. He was supposed to be the one comforting her, protecting her, guiding her, and making her happy. But it had become reversed because once again; he was too busy being selfish, as he had been with you during your marriage. However, his daughter's words had brought him to the realization that just as much as he pined for his wife to return, his daughter too longed for her mother, but she had never let it show for these past few years.

She, a young child thrown into the burden of maintaining a strong facade without knowing the real reason, had constantly been worried that she would lose her father too. And so, she spent every day trying to do little things to make him happy; dealing with the present rather than living in the past like he should have been.

He was so frustrated with himself. Had he always been this weak and helpless?

"Live, Papa. Be happy." His daughter whispered into his hair. "I love you."

Her affection only caused Hoseok to cry harder. How could anyone love him, as much as you two loved him? Why had he been blessed with two angels he never deserved?

After he finally cried everything out, he blushed, embarrassed for having shown his daughter that side of him, but she greeted him a heart-warming smile, like she was satisfied that she had finally helped him somehow.

"Will you help me, my angel?" he smiled in return.

"Help you?" she blinked. "With what?"

"To be happy again."

She giggled. "Papa, that's silly. You don't need help with that."

"I don't?"

"No." she grinned and pulled at his cheeks. "Mom always said loving someone will automatically make you happy. That's why I'm always happy, because I love you!"

Hoseok felt tears well up in his eyes again. He had always been a crybaby, but this was a whole new level. He nodded fervently and peppered his daughter with kisses. If that was his wife's advice, then he had to surely take it to heart.

The love he couldn't give you, he would surely give your daughter. The future he had planned for all three of you, he would share with her. And he knew deep down that wherever the two of them were, you would be.

He had to move forward, for his sake, and for his daughter's. He couldn't live with more regrets, broken promises, and dreams that never came to fruition because he had been dwelling on the past for far too long. His life needed to start again, and it was ironic that out of all the specialists, family, and friends that he had gone to, it was his daughter that had successfully pulled him out of his clouded mind.

And little by little, he slowly began to feel more like himself again.

"Dad, dad! Carry me like a princess!" Hope had requested once she was discharged back home in a cast.

Hoseok obliged, although the traces of your frail body still lingered on his arms when he assumed the position. It wasn't fair either that Hope had inherited your eyes and smile. But on the other hand, she did inherit his playfulness, sense of humor, nose, and obnoxiously loud voice; so needless to say, the house became much livelier from then on.

Yoongi and his daughter were invited over often too. The two widows had always found comfort and understanding with each other, while the children also seemed to attach themselves to each other after discovering a significant, mutual bond. Hoseok willed himself to open up gradually. First, he opened up to Yoongi about his new sense of purpose, and much to his surprise, Yoongi had adopted a similar mindset to deal with his grief.

"I still find her in different things in my life." The usually stoic faced man smiled happily as he spoke about his deceased wife. "In my music, in the dishes that she used to make, the places she used to love, but she's especially prominent in my daughter."

The two glanced over at their daughters.

"When missing her becomes too unbearable, I talk about it with my daughter. Kids are much smarter than we give them credit for, you know." Yoongi hummed.

"Oh I know." Hoseok laughed.

"I'm sure Hope misses her mother just as much as you miss her. I think it'll be good to slowly talk about her to each other. Don't ever miss her alone, because you're not alone in missing her." Yoongi patted Hoseok's hand warmly. "And what keeps me going is the thought that she's up there judging me right now for the amount of fumbling I'm doing."

Hoseok chuckled.

"But I want to make her proud nonetheless." Yoongi straightened up and grinned. "So when we meet again, she has nothing to tease me about."

The two men giggled.

"Knowing her, she's already compiling a list of things to tease you about." Hoseok bantered.

"Let's hope there'll be too many that she'll give up keeping track." Yoongi winked.

And Hoseok smiled. Seeing Yoongi being able to open up about his wife, living so positively with a strong mindset, only encouraged him further to look ahead. It was possible. It was possible to be happy again.

But there was one significant difference between their two tragic stories.

Yoongi had remained faithful to his wife until the end, while Hoseok had not.

Hoseok buried the gnawing guilt deep inside for the time being. If he could, he wanted to take that secret with him to his grave. He never wanted his daughter to find out what kind of man her father was. The disappointment, the hurt, the judgment that would pass through her face would send him into an utter state of despair. Would she abandon him? Would she hate him? Would she want to be associated with such a disgusting excuse of a husband and father? These thoughts often kept him awake at night as his daughter grew up.

Bit by bit though, he opened up and mentioned a story or two about her mother. And Hope's favorite bed time story became her parent's love story. Initially, it hurt to remember, but as the days passed, Hoseok looked forward to being whisked back to the time where you two had loved each other so passionately.

He knew that his daughter was still ever so curious about what truly happened to her mother, but he still couldn't bring himself to say. He made excuses that she was too young at first then later, he continued to hide behind the fact that "she wasn't ready" or "she was focusing on other things like school and he didn't want to distract her". He couldn't bring himself to even tell her the partial truth, because lying to his daughter would just bring him back to full circle, to the man that hid behind lies to protect himself. He settled that it was either the full truth or continuing avoidance.

And he consistently chose avoidance.

Until the day his daughter wanted to bring her boyfriend home for him to meet.

All through Hope's childhood, he had tried to protect her and deter her from the temptations of young love. As every father felt, he didn't want their precious daughter to be heartbroken by the immaturity of pubescent males. But in Hoseok's case, he also didn't want her to be played, like he had done to you. He didn't want his daughter to live the grief that you felt. His heart would shatter into a billion pieces if he had to ever witness it.

No boy was good enough. No boy was trustworthy enough. Despite their chivalrous and friendly personas, years down the road, they could end up like him, swayed by others and tainted by infidelity.

He didn't want his daughter to end up with someone like himself, and everyone had potential to become someone like him.

So when his daughter announced that she wanted to bring home someone she had been dating for a few months now, his entire world shattered.

"What?!" Hoseok choked on his food. "You're dating someone???"

Hope rolled her eyes. "Yes. Like everyone is nowadays, dad."

"No, I don't approve. No. Dump him. All boys are pigs. You can't trust them." he rambled. "You only need me in your life."

She sighed. "He's just coming over for dinner. He wants to meet you because I talk about you so much. It's not a marriage proposal. Just give him a chance, Dad."

"I won't see him, and that's final!" Hoseok slammed his hand down on the table and walked away frantically; his heart had been unprepared for this leap.

"WHY NOT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUSH ME AWAY?" she yelled after him, but he shut the door to signal that the conversation was over.

He really did always avoid and push her away when the topic of romance came up. He was fine telling stories about the past, but when she tried to pry further about his romantic ventures or open up to him about her crushes, he would shut down. He was terrified for her. What if she made the wrong choice like her mother did?

He exhaled as he buried his face in his hands, distraught, and puzzled. What was he to do? Hope was old enough now to be told the entire story. She deserved to know. But it was Hoseok that was never ready for the consequences and repercussions that could happen after the truth was revealed; the dark part of his life that he had kept hidden for years. The burden he had chosen to bear, the mark of his sins that he wanted to weigh on him as a punishment. It would never suffice; never would be enough to face you in the afterlife, but still, it made him feel better, suffering in silence, as you had.

There was a light knock on his door minutes later.

"Dad, I'm sorry I yelled at you." His daughter's voice was heard behind the door. "I know this time of the year is hard for you, but please don't block me out again, okay? I don't want to disobey you, but I at least want you to give this guy a chance. If he really isn't good for you, then I promise I'll stop seeing him. But I want you to meet each other, because you both make me so happy."

Hoseok sighed again. By "this time of the year", he knew she meant it was nearing your death anniversary. It was the anniversary of your last month, the month where he constantly carried you around the house, the anniversary of when he fell back in love with you. He didn't deserve this kind of daughter. She was too good.

At a young age, she had learned to be self-sufficient and had grown up too fast. Although he took them on trips frequently, he never felt enough for her. He wanted to give her more, but he couldn't. Every time he fell to his grief, she was there with a steady hand to bring him back. Every time he walked away, she would be right there waiting for him to return with open arms. And even now, when he was being completely irrational, she would sacrifice her happiness for his peace of mind. Would you be happy with the kind of father he had become? He was definitely far from perfect, but he was trying to be. Or was he really trying?

"Hope." he called.

"Yes?" she spoke, still not entering his room.

"Wanna bake something with your old man?" he smiled.

He heard that infectious giggle he loved.

"Sure. I'll set up the stuff."

After he heard your footsteps fade away, Hoseok knelt down and pulled out a box from underneath his bed. In it, lay pieces of your last moments that he had held onto: your letter, your hospital band, and even the ripped divorce papers with your signature. He never could bring himself to throw any of it away, because they were you to him.

It was time that he told his daughter the entire, unfiltered story of her parents. Only when he spoke the truth could he truly ask for forgiveness, and maybe, just maybe, he would be able to truly live as fully as you had wished him to.

Hoseok padded into the kitchen with the box, observing the way his daughter hummed as she bustled in the kitchen. She had grown up before his eyes, and he smiled at the memory of her trailing after you in the kitchen, clapping and singing along with you two on those precious family weekends he hadn't cherished enough. He lightly placed the box on the table and embraced his daughter warmly from behind, surprising her.

"Dad, I'm trying to get the brownie batter mixed well." she complained lightly, but Hoseok only squeezed her tighter. She seemed to sense his sadness because she relaxed and let go of the spatula covered in brownie batter. "You okay?"

Hoseok shook his head. He wasn't going to lie anymore.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she hummed.

Normally when she did, Hoseok had always refused, but it never stopped her from asking again and again. But finally, he nodded and whispered. "Can I?"

She turned and smiled sadly, cupping his face. "I've been waiting."

"Dad!" Hope giggled as Hoseok tried to fix up his little bow tie in front of the mirror. The day had finally come for him to meet his daughter's boyfriend. "You're being too formal."

Hoseok smiled sheepishly. "I've never done this before..."

Hope laughed and shook her head. "Well me neither, but I can say that a bow tie is too formal for this occasion. You're just meeting him, not sending me off for marriage."

Hoseok sighed and pulled off his bow tie and blazer. "I know. I'm just nervous."

"Why would you be nervous? He should be the one that's nervous." Hope kissed his cheek. "And right now, I love you more so he has to impress the both of us."

Hoseok smiled and squeezed his daughter's hand reassuringly.

"But I do want to be with him for a long time." she added. "That's why I want to see what you think of him, and how well you two get along. It's important to me."

Hoseok nodded understandably. "I know."

Suddenly, the doorbell rang and his daughter's grin widened brightly. Hoseok's heart panged at the thought that now some other person was making his little girl beam like that. Long gone were the moments where he used to tickle her or make farting noises just to hear her laughter.

"He's here!" she hurried down the stairs.

Hoseok inhaled deeply to compose himself. Ever since he agreed to meeting with Hope's boyfriend, he had never heard the end of the stories. In some ways it was nice to see her glowing, but in other ways, it made him irritated and bitter. He guessed that that was what every father went through with their daughters.

He made his way down the steps hesitantly, already hearing the giggles and chatter of the two in the living room. Peeking in, his nerves dissipated with just one look. The boy had an infectious grin and bright eyes. Just based on appearance, he had a warm, yet bright aura.

"Dad!" Hope noticed his presence immediately, and the boy beside her stood up hurriedly.

"Hello, Mr. Jung." he outstretched his hand nervously. "I'm Kim Taehyung, sir."

Hoseok smiled, remembering when you had introduced him to your parents for the very first time. Hoseok had been a nervous wreck and messed up his introductions. Luckily, your parents found it endearing and genuine, taking his fumbling as a positive.

"Just call me Hoseok." he firmly shook the boy's hand. "Have a seat and get comfortable. I'm not too sure how these things really go down."

"It's my first time too." Taehyung blushed.

"Oh, I'm glad." Hoseok grinned. "So tell me about yourself, Taehyung."

And from there, the conversation flowed between all three of you. Soon, your living room was filled with laughter then you all transferred to the kitchen for Hope's homemade dinner.

Taehyung was very amiable and gentle, openly candid and optimistic. He was a little odd, but it was adorable and endearing, so much so that Hoseok found himself falling a little for the kid. In his mind, he could see the suggestive look you would give him if you had still been around to witness this, and he could feel the constant nudging you would be doing, urging him to accept Taehyung already.

"Is...this...is this your mother?"

The warm atmosphere soon turned awkward and icy as Taehyung pointed at a family picture standing over your fireplace. Hoseok felt his stomach drop at the mention, but luckily, Hope was more composed than he was.

"Yeah. Pretty, right?"

Taehyung stared at the picture in disbelief. "No way..."

"What?" Hoseok and Hope questioned, a tad offended.

"No!" Taehyung flustered. "I meant that in an 'Oh my gosh. No way. This is unbelievable' type of way...because...because I've met her before..."

"What?" Hoseok felt the color leave his face.

"Y/N... right?" Taehyung smiled sadly as he stared at the picture.

"Yeah..." Hope answered softly. "Yeah, that's her name."

Taehyung stared at them, trying to register this miraculous coincidence, and then in one fell swoop, he fell to his knees and bowed.

"Thank you." he stated, surprising Hoseok and Hope.

"T-Tae?" She blinked.

Tae lifted his head up, his eyes slightly watering. "Your mother, your wife...she saved me."

Hope's and Hoseok's eyes widened in shock at the news.

"When I was a kid...I practically lived in the hospital because I was sick. But the persisting issue was that I was losing my eyesight rapidly. I was terrified and I used to cry all the time. I didn't want to go blind. I didn't want to stop seeing my family and live in a world of darkness. It was in one of those crying fits that she came and sat next to me."

Tae smiled sadly as he recounted the fateful encounter with you.

"Hey kid, why're you crying?" You frowned as you sat beside him. Your body was weary from the chemotherapy, so you needed to rest a bit before heading back home. And seeing such a young child around Hope's age in a hospital gown, bawling his eyes out by his lonesome, tugged at your heartstrings.

"I don't want to go blind." Tae wept. "I want to see my family. I want to see my toys."

You patted his head gently.

"And I want to play outside with the other kids. I don't want to stay in my room all day with all those beeps and older people." Tae sniffled.

You hummed. "Want to run away with me?"

Tae's eyes brightened at the thought. "Can I?"

"Mhm." You nodded. "I'll take you to a beautiful park. There are a lot of pretty flowers there! Would you like to see?"

"Yes!" Tae beamed.

"It's still in the hospital, but it's a secret place that I like to come to when I want to be alone. It always makes me feel better." You outstretched your hand and he took it. "Maybe we should ask your parents first..."

"They had to go to work...so I'm by myself." Tae stated nonchalantly, making your heart hurt.

"Then let's tell the nurses so they know where we are."

"Okay." Tae hummed as you led him around.

When you two came upon the vacant hospital park, he gasped and began running around hurriedly.

"A slide! A slide!" he giggled as he struggled to climb up the stairs.

"Be careful now." You adopted your motherly tone.

Tae smiled and nodded, successfully making it the top of the slide. "Stand at the end please."

You obeyed and waited for him at the end of the slide with open arms. He slid down and flew into them, embracing you with resounding laughter. It immediately filled you with happiness and hope; it reminded you of how Hoseok used to laugh.

"What's wrong?"

You smiled sadly and shook your head. "I'm scared too, kid."

"Taehyung."

"Hm?"

"That's my name." he tilted his head cutely. "What's yours, Miss?"

You chuckled. "Y/N."

"I like you, Y/N." he hugged you again. "You're warm."

You felt tears prickling the corner of your eyes. You were sure that your sickness left your skin cold and dry, but nonetheless his words had struck you.

"I like you too, Tae. You're warm." You whispered.

And after that day, without fail, you visited him every time you went to the hospital. As the months progressed and your condition worsened, you were there more and more frequently. And as the days flew by, you didn't have the energy to lift him up or run around with him like before.

Taehyung seemed to notice and was content with settling for drawing and coloring beside you, or having you read to him. You both were deteriorating; his eyesight and your body. But you found comfort and solace in each other.

"Y/N." he cried one time. "The world's getting darker."

And so, the next day you brought a bunch of different colored flowers and you two spent hours going through all the colors and having him memorize it in his mind.

"There's hope, Tae." You smiled. "As long as you're alive, you can do anything."

He grinned back at you, inspired. "I can do anything?"

"Yes! Anything." you giggled.

Just in case, you walked around with Tae and had him memorize the signs in Braille so he would know how to get around. You made a guessing game of him feeling out objects and trying to figure out what they were. You wanted to give this child a fighting chance, because deep down, you hoped that someone would give you one too.

But it never came. And your doctors soon gave you a projected time to tie up the loose ends of your life.

Sometimes to get your mind off of the negative, you told Tae about your family and he would tell you about his.

"One day, I hope you can meet my daughter." you grinned. "You're the same age!"

Tae giggled. "Me too. I haven't played with kids my age in so long."

"You will, Tae. Just keep working hard to get better."

He grinned proudly. "I memorized more of my Braille!"

"Tae." You held his hand. "In a few weeks, I'm going to go far away."

Tae frowned. "Why?"

"I need it to heal my body."

"You can't do it here?"

You shook your head. "But we'll play until I have to leave."

Tae remained silent, then with a soft, disheartened voice replied with "Okay...".

A few days before you admitted yourself for the last time, you rushed into Taehyung's hospital room after hearing the commotion. Taehyung was shrieking and crying while the doctors and nurses were trying to restrain him.

"What're you guys doing to him??" You bellowed angrily.

"He's out of control! His eyesight is leaving him and he's going into hysterics! He's going to hurt himself!"

You began crying. This child didn't deserve this fate. "Tae. Tae. I'm here."

The boy continued weeping, but halted his flailing at the familiar sound of your voice. "Y/N?"

"Yes. Tae, I'm here."

The boy sniffled. "I'm scared."

"We played a game like this remember?" You smiled, holding his hand to comfort him. He fiddled with your engagement and wedding rings as he did often. He liked feeling the inscription on your wedding band and the cut of the stone on your engagement ring. You held him tightly, praying to the heavens for them to save this precious child.

And it was that same day that the doctors approached you to talk about your plans post-death. And it was that same day that showed you that everything truly happened for a reason, for reasons that you may not see until much, much later. You still had a purpose; still had light to give in the darkness of your fading life.

Tae felt a tear stream down his cheek. Hope and Hoseok were bawling uncontrollably, hearing about your life in the hospital was painful and eye-opening, because it was the part of your life you had hidden from them. One that they had never known about until it was too late.

"I saw her the day she died. And I guess you were there too later." he glanced at Hoseok. "Of course, I couldn't see very well. All I saw were figures from afar. I heard people's voices, crying, and yelling."

Hoseok wept into his hands at the memory.

"I saw her before you came, and she told me to stay strong." Tae continued. "That she would watch me and make sure I always smiled like we did together. And...and..."

"Tae." You whispered as you held his hand tightly to your face.

Tae was feeling your face, trying to hold onto anything he remembered of you, trying to see you for the last time. He was absolutely frustrated, and he was puzzled. Why were you on the hospital bed? Why did the atmosphere feel sad? Why was your voice so soft?

"Yes?"

"I hope one day you can find and meet my family." You smiled. "And make sure they're happy."

Tae nodded fervently. He had been given a mission from you, you who had done everything and anything for him. You were more a mother than his own in his time of need, and he was more than grateful for you.

"And Tae." You placed his hand on your mouth so he could feel you smiling. "I want you to never take life for granted, okay? And know that you're never alone even if you feel lonely...because I love you so much and wherever I am, I will be watching over you. Remember that."

"I love you too, Y/N. Thank you. Please don't go." Tae hugged you warmly. "Stay with me."

"I'll always be with you Tae." You kissed his temple. "But there's somewhere I need to go, and something I need to do after I leave."

"What's that?" Tae blinked.

"It's a secret." You grinned.

Tae bawled, unable to continue his story for a few minutes. His body was shaking and he gasped for air, trying to reach for the words he hadn't told anyone for a very long time.

"She told the doctors she wanted to donate her healthy corneas to me after she died." he choked out. "She...she gave me my sight back."

Hope covered her mouth as she sobbed, while Hoseok wailed further into his own hands at the revelation. You were not only his angel, you were someone else's too.

"She loved you both so very much." Tae whispered. "Her face was always so happy when she talked about you two. And it gave me hope of a future where I would love and be loved like she did to you guys."

Hoseok knelt down and embraced Taehyung.

"Thank you for keeping her company and making her happy when we couldn't." he whispered.

"Mom." Hope cried, feeling a sense of gratefulness welling up in her chest. To hear what her mother did for someone else, despite how angry and terrified she must've been, it made her want to become an even better person. And in a way, she felt that her mother had brought Taehyung to her in the first place. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

Needless to say, Hope and Hoseok were emotionally drained for the next few days after Taehyung's revelation. It was overwhelming, but astounding. To think that the first boy his daughter had brought home had been the very boy you had saved with your last breath. It made him feel like you were still around, meddling in people's lives because you knew exactly what was best for them. You always had a knack for knowing things he needed before he even realized he needed them.

He lay in his bed, exhausted. It was an emotional rollercoaster of a week. Glancing at his calendar, ironically, it was the week of your death anniversary. He covered his eyes with his arms. The tears wouldn't stop falling. Now more than ever, he wished he could see you. He wanted to hold you, cry with you, share stories with you. He wanted to grow old together, wanted to weep together when you married Hope off.

There was a light knock on his door.

"Yes?"

Hope entered the room, cheeks also tear-stained.

"I finally found this."

She handed him an old letter, similar to the one Hoseok knew too well as your farewell.

"What's this?"

"Mom had left a letter for me too. But she made me promise not to read it until I was 10." she smiled sadly. "She told me that she was going far away and to take care of you. I remember being so confused at the time. When I read the letter, you were in a really bad place, but I finally understood why."

She placed the letter in his hands. "I don't hate you. I never have and never will. And Mom never did either. After you told me your side of the story, I knew I had to give this to you."

Hoseok glanced up at his daughter. She urged him to read and stepped out of the room.

With shaky hands, he fumbled to get the note out of the envelope. The unfamiliar words with the familiar writing hit him with a wave of nostalgia and longing that felt so incredibly unbearable. He wanted you so bad it hurt, but he was also curious as to what you had written as an explanation to Hope.

"My dearest daughter,

If you had kept your promise, I would be long gone by now. And if I know your father, he hasn't opened up to you about what happened to me. My Hope, I was very sick when you were little. I did all I could to get myself better without making it noticeable, but it wasn't enough. So I made a choice to remain myself for the last few months. At least you and your father would remember me looking somewhat healthy, and I would at least have some energy to continue the normalcy of our lives. I wanted nothing more than to spend my last days with you two, as a family, and I'm so happy that I was able to experience that with you.

I'm sorry I wasn't able to play with you for too long towards the end of my life, and I always will regret not having enough strength to hold you up for the last time. I love you so much. You know that right? If I had a choice, I would've given anything to stay with you and Papa forever. But Mama's sick, sweetheart, and I think I hurt Papa by not giving him the love he deserved. But Mama doesn't think it's fair to love Papa and keep him all to herself, because Mama can't stay in this world anymore.

I have never once regretted choosing your father. If I am to be reborn, I know I will choose him again and again, should I be so lucky as to be placed in the same place and time as him once more.

My love, when the body dies, the soul lives on but more tangibly, the love we shared will be carried forward. For every person we touch will be inspired to touch another, until we are all connected in good faith. I want you to live like that. Always be good to others, and they will be good to you in return. I can't imagine now how many of my friends and family have reached out and helped you both in my absence. I will always be grateful to have been blessed with kind people in my life.

My dearest Hope, please take care of your father. He will be going through many things that you may not yet understand, but please watch him closely. Make sure he smiles at least three times a day, laughing until his stomach hurts at least twice a week, and make sure he is eating and sleeping. He loves you very much, but he often thinks being silent is strong. Don't let it fool you. When you look close enough and when you care about someone enough, you'll notice the little things that give away what they feel inside. He will be hurting terribly, so please help him even when he doesn't ask, because that is what it means to love someone.

Ever since I found out that I was sick, each day was filled with silent hatred, bitter regret, and unfailing depression. I hated myself. I cursed the life I was given. I was angry with the world. Why? Why me? Why when I had a beautiful daughter and was married to the love of my life? Why did I get called away too soon?

I wondered if I had done something terribly wrong in the past that I deserved this kind of end, this shortened life. I worried about you two. Your father works long hours, and you, you're still so young. I was angry that I had to leave you two in such a state. Yet, I was selfish for the last month because I didn't want these negative feelings to be last thing I felt in this world. I wanted to be surrounded by your love, laughter, and smiles so that I could depart with those wonderful memories.

When the time comes, your father will tell you his truth. But my truth is that I have always and will always love you and your father. No matter what wrongs you two have done and will do, I will continue to love you because you are both more precious to me than anything. I want you to find such a love and be loved as such in return. People will make mistakes, Hope, but it is what they do afterwards that determine what kind of person they are. Remember that when your father opens up to you. But I ask of you, do not abandon him as I have done to you two. Do not hate him. Do not be angry with him. For you two only have each other in the world to hold and confide in. Please do for him what I could not, my Hope. You'll know what to say when the time comes.

I love you forever and always."

Hoseok's tears tainted the letter as he read the freshly added addendum to it.

Scribbled in his daughter's handwriting at the very bottom of the parchment, underneath your signature and lipstick printed kiss mark, read:

"I forgive you, so forgive yourself, and live happily until you can share your adventures and stories with Mom once again."