#I'll probably answer them tomorrow tho since I also got a bit sick and will go to bed soon

[lieutenantselnia]

I finally finished and handed in my thesis on Friday and it felt like such an incredible relief😭 I think I haven't felt so at peace in literal months because it was constantly looming over me but I felt too paralysed with fear to start writing. BUT that's finally over now! I still need to do my final exam now but that's only in October. Also I've started my master's degree programme on Thursday (at the same university that's why I could start despite not actually having my bachelor's degree yet) and I'm actually already looking forward to my classes :D

I feel like it really affected my mental wellbeing during that time though and especially in the last few months I found it much harder to keep in contact with online friends or even just go on social media, I got overwhelmed much more easily and it just felt too exhausting :( I lowkey feel bad for all the self ship postings and art and fanfics that I missed😭 So please, take this as a free pass to come into my inbox and gush about your f/o(s)! I'd love to hear about them🫶

[minamrose]

Pairing : youngk/brian-reader

Warnings : swearing, physical violence, mention of harassment

Genre : angst, fluff

Summary : brian, one of your closest friends learns that you slept with one of the guys he hates the most at your school (you didn't actually) , and he gets angry at you because you don't want to talk to him about it, he's also a bit jealous. But the he learns the truth and happy ending 🌹

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You were about to crack. If you heard him say something more, you were afraid you'll punch him.

"didn't know you were that type of person y/n"

He was sitting right in front of you across the table. You raised your gaze slowly and looked at him. He was furious, you could feel it even if he tried to remain calm. All he wanted was to provoke you right now... The others around you started talking in murmurs. You bit your lip.

"Brian , calm down it's not the time nor the Pl..." you started calmly trying to avoid a really embarrassing situation

But he didn't seem to care

"is it the time and place to tell everyone that you're just a little whore?"

That's it, you couldn't take it anymore. You couldn't believe he went that far. You stood up before slapping him in the face so hard that the whole cafeteria heard it and was now turned towards you. You felt a heavy silence cover the whole place, as everyone was impatiently waiting for the next thing you were going to do. You didn't think twice and took your plate of spaghetti to pour it all over brian as he remained silent. You gave him a last look and he could see the hurt in your eyes. "fuck you Brian, I thought you were different". You managed to keep your voice from cracking and got out of the cafeteria as fast as you could. You wanted to cry, and you did, in the toilets.

Brian regretted what he said as soon as the words left his mouth. He wasn't one to handle his emotions very well, especially when it was about you. He hurt you, he knew it. But he was still mad at you, for so many reasons, reasons he thought he will never find the courage to tell you. He silently got out of the cafeteria , as everyone laughed at him.

18h36

You were home.

You were going through your last texts with Brian, last night and started reminiscing about everything that happened since then.

*Text*

You : sorry for yesterday night, I had to take care of something important

Bribri : oh I know

You : really?? What do you know

Bribri : with Josh... Out of all the boys out there... You must have lost your mind or smth, wtv, not my business

You : yeah not your business, why you being so rude tho?

Bribri: I'll talk to you tomorrow

You : hello am I talkin to my dad?

*/Text*

He didn't answer anymore. You were so confused. The next morning (today), you two talked, indeed. You didn't quite remember at which point you two got really mad at each other...

*flashback*

"Brian, I don't really get why we are having this conversation.." you said, exhausted

"I just don't think I can be friends with you anymore if you're not being honest with me... I swear you hate that guy since elementary school and now he's talking about you like you're his bitch..." he sighed "he sent that photo of you to everyone y/n! " he looked into your eyes as he almost screamed. You crossed your arms over your chest and raised an eyebrow trying to cover the fact that you were anxious.

"okay then, don't be friends with me.. Gosh why are you being so childish..." you then started walking away, trying to escape the situation.

Brian remained static, he had felt your words as if they were bullets. "don't be friends with me", "so childish". He couldn't believe that was what you thought about him. He was worried about you and you just saw him as an exasperating presence. He exhaled deeply, trying to relax his tense jaw.

That same morning you texted that Josh, told him you needed to talk to him. You met at the library, on a corner where nobody could see you.

"okay, you got what you wanted, you made me a whore in the eyes of the entire school, can you stop now? Like get to your next prey I don't know, leave me alone"

"y/n, you don't get to tell me what to do. What about you come to my house later and we get some more pictures of you and... "

You didn't listen to his next words. Your mom is a psychologist, and Josh is one of her patients, she's talked to you a bit about him mostly to warn you about him because the boy is Psycho. He was smirking at you. You were absolutely disgusted.

" you're really sick in the head aren't you? What do you think everyone will think about you if I tell them what you were REALLY doing that night? " you threatened him

"don't be so stupid. I already told you that you better not say anything or I'll make my parents ruin your mom's reputation, she will never be able to work again and..."

"I don't care about my mom" you cut him "so if I want to tell the truth I will and I don't care if you ruin her she's a bitch"

He looked at you as if you were crazy. He seemed afraid though.. He stared at you silently before sighing.

"and I AM the psycho right? Okay, okay, I'll stop..."

You gave him a last menacing look before leaving him.

You had lied. You didn't hate your mom and you weren't going to put her career at risk, but at least it seemed to have worked.

Later that day you went to the cafeteria to eat with your usual friends, including Brian. You really didn't want to be cold with him. So you sat in front of him, in hopes of relaxing things with him. Well, it only made things worse. You had never seen Brian so mad at you, he ignored you everytime you talked to him, he didn't even look at you. You had enough. "Brian, stop it now" you said to him multiple times. Sharp words came out of his mouth, such as "y/n can you understand that I can't always be on your side? I have the right to not wanting to talk to you", "are you in lack of attention? Gosh", "why did you even sit in front of me" . You just looked at him in awe, your eyes became wet as you looked away, trying not to lose your temper. Your friend asked you "what's wrong with him? What did you do?" and everyone else saw his attitude towards you. And then you know what happened.

*/flashback*

You sighed deeply, laid in your bed and closed your eyes.

Brian could be such a prick sometimes. He really was someone who could hurt with his words. But you knew him, and he only did that when he was hurt aswell.

But why was he so quick to judge you? Couldn't he wait for you to tell him what is going on? He was being such a child honestly. You spent the night thinking about him.

You put your phone in your sweater's pocket.

You were almost falling asleep when you felt your phone under your belly. You opened your eyes and looked at the screen.

Bribri : I'm outside.

Wtf. You frowned as you got up of your bed, your phone in hand. It was like 2 am.

You : you serious

Bribri: yes

Half awake, you took baby steps to your room's door. You tried not to make a sound while getting down the stairs. You put on your coat and opened the door of your house. You found a freezing Brian standing outside. He looked at you but not for long. His eyes were admiring the floor apparently. You put your hands in the pockets of your coat and approached him slowly.

"you wanna sit?" you offered and you two sat on the chairs that were on your porch. They weren't the most comfortable but it was better than nothing.

"you could have waited tomorrow.." you said in a low voice

"I know I... I probably should just go home and let you sleep.. I'm sorry I d.. I don't know why I.." he started getting up but you grabbed his arm

"brian.. I can't go to sleep now it would be torture."

"right..." he sighed, sitting down

You had your arms crossed, waiting for him to talk but he seemed to be struggling. At the moment you were so angry at him you thought you'd better shut up.

"y/n... I'm so sorry" he started

His voice was low but you heard the sincerity in his words.

"I didn't mean to tell you those things it's just that... I don't know..."

"you called me a whore, in front of everybody"

"I apologize y/n! But You told me I was being childish when I was worried about you and tried to reach to you.. You rejected me and treated me like I was crazy.."

"I know.." you admitted

" y/n you just leave at 2 am at a party without saying anything " he took a deep breath " do you know how much I panicked when you didn't answer your phone that night? I thought something had happened to you... "

" I know, I'm sorry I should have texted you but.. "

" And next thing I know, everyone is saying you spent the night with that bastard " you saw his face change as he said those words, you could sense the anger coming out of him

" Brian..."

"after that you didn't come to school for like two days and you wouldn't even answer my calls or my texts ... so yeah, I was really annoyed at you... You acted as if I didn't exist when all I wanted was to help you, and then you want to act as if nothing happened" he stopped, his eyes were wandering in front of him, in the dark "but it made me realize something, It made me realize.. that I mean nothing to you"

You stared at him in silence as he nervously played with his hands. Tears started to come to your eyes.

"And it hurts honestly, because maybe.. You mean too much to me"

"stop it" you said in a quiver as you stood up to wipe your tears

"yeah I'll stop, don't worry about it" he finally said with a raspy voice as he tried not to let you know he too was about to cry

He quickly stood up and started walking away.

But you followed him.

"Brian stop!"

He did, you walked to him and stood in front of him. Your eyes were glittery and your nose was runny.

"you don't get it, please listen to me!" you felt the tears run down your hot cheeks

"I.. Am not perfect Brian" your voice was trembling"I tried to help a friend who had been drugged at the party and they were about to use her for god knows what, but they.. Josh wouldn't let us go unless I took that photo he's been showing everywhere.."

"wait... What? Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I don't know... I was ashamed.. I didn't want to bother you with my problems... I didn't know how to tell you that... Brian I.." you looked away as you took one deep breath

"did he touch you?! Who else was there y/n?! " he sounded infuriated

"no... He just said if I told anybody he would tell his parents to ruin my mom's reputation. The other guys, I don't know their names but I think they are in the football team. "

"sick bastard.. I forgot his parents were richer than anyone in this town" his hand furiously went through his messy hair

"please don't do anything" you asked him

He looked at you. The anger vanished from him as he saw your face buried in tears. He softly took your face into his hands and gently, with his sleeve, dried your cheeks.

"do you understand now?" you asked

His head tilted "I do"

He silently pulled you into his arms. You felt so vulnerable yet so good at that exact moment. You detached a bit from him in order to look at him.

"so... How much do I mean to you exactly? "

He glued his eyes to yours.

"you mean everything to me" he whispered

You smiled.

"Brian, I'm sorry I made you think I didn't care about you, it's not true."

He smiled too.

"please don't do it ever again"

"also, thank you for being there"

He rubbed his thumb against your rosy cheeks. "I'll always be there for you"