#I'll elaborate later but for now let's all feel bad for Joe because he really goes through it

[zestyderg]

"So if there's no skull-swapping, how is ZZ stealing bodies???"

[80s-roger]

when love must die: joe mazzello

summary: you're married to joe mazzello for three years; the best three years of your life and the previous three dating and later being engaged. however, since day one of your marriage, you try for a successful pregnancy but they all end up failed. your most successful pregnancy was an IVF one, but the tube baby didn't make it at the last day of the first trimester. 

portray: current joe obv, female reader at 30.

words: 2306

warnings: unprotected sex, fluff, domestic violence experience, argument.

note: there will be part two.

masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joe was at the set, he'd be back home soon for dinner. The table was ready and you got yourself a pregnancy test. You ran to the bathroom upstairs to finally find out. Plus or minus? You didn't have your period since the last time you had sex with him -almost two months ago- and you were excited if it was because of a fetus growing inside you.

You took the test, sitting impatiently at the toilet's cap, waiting for the result. You wished it was a plus symbol, meaning you're pregnant. Unfortunately, it had just a horizontal line. You were disappointed again. Crying loudly because your husband wasn't home, so you finally had the time to let it all out. You've been praying days and nights to have a baby. It's unfair for you when other women throw their newborns at the litter.

Suddenly the door opens fastly and you were scared to death. You got relieved as you saw Joe looking at you with terror in his eyes.

"What happened?" He asked terrified sitting next to you, placing you in his big arms.

You didn't say a word. The tears wouldn't stop running. He erased them with his fingers, until he noticed the test next to you. He looked at you without saying a word. He took it at his hand and saw it was negative. He threw it at the bin and pulled you closer, rubbing your back.

"It's going to happen. Don't worry." He whispered.

Thankfully, he was really supportive on this. He wants to be a dad as much as you want to be a mum but he is patient and never stresses you on this. You've seen your doctor and he says it's just your nature. Nature? A woman's nature after unprotected sex, is getting pregnant, having a fetus growing at her uterus for nine months and later having it in her arms, breastfeeding it. You can't try forever. There will be someday, you'll reach menopause.

Joe and you walked at the kitchen, ready to eat your dinner. He places you at your chair but you had no will on eating.

"Baby you gotta eat." He said after taking a bite of his portion.

"I'm not hungry..." You sobbed, placing your dish away from you.

"It's probably too early for the test to know..." He mentioned the test, trying to make you feel better.

"It's been almost two months, not two days." You commented, looking at him. Your dinner stopped. It was just talk.

"I'm trying to help here. I know it's hard, but we'll make it." He placed his palm over your hand.

"It's easier said than done Joe. Do you have any idea how terrible I feel?" You whimpered. "We're trying for three years, we'd have a baby by now." You stuttered.

"It's fine Y/N... I'm patient enough to make space for your emotions." he explained.

"Why are you even married with me? I'm nothing but an obstacle to your new family." You pledged. It was so sad.

"You're my family. What are you talking about?" He sat on his knees, kissing your hands. He proposed to you on one knee. Good memories.

"But you want kids. And we lost the older one. Remember?" You reminded him. His eyes darkened.

"I remember. But that does not prevent me from not being with you. I can't even imagine my life without you." He implied and caressed your cheek.

"I love you Joe." You silently wailed and he leaned closer to you.

"And I love you." He toned. "Listen, how about going upstairs and lay? I'll be there in a few, I have to fix the table." He smiled and you nodded.

You closed the door behind your bedroom, changed to your nighty and laid on the bed, calling your mum.

"Hey mum." You said.

"Hello darling, how are you?" She asked. You didn't reply. "Um.." she started. "You tried again, didnt you?" She knew about your lack of fertility.

"Yes, it was negative." You answered.

"What did he say?"  She somehow didn't really like Joe, but Joe didn't give a shit.

"He's nothing but a supportive and patient husband." You nod your head feeling great for being his wife.

"And what are you going to do now?" She curiously asked.

"Try again, I guess..." You implored.

"But you've seen that sex won't help you get pregnant." she decreed.

"And where are you getting with it? Doing medical procedures in cold laboratories?" You gasped.

"Keep that method, it almost happened. Your husband has money to afford it." she had the nerve to instruct.

"It's not only his money, but mine too. We both work. We'll both raise this baby." You corrected her. "I just called you to let you know it was one more unsuccessful try. You won't know about it by the day you'll see me with a baby in my arms." You elaborated and hang up your phone without hearing her answer.

Five minutes later, Joe came to your bedroom. He took off his clothes and went inside your bathroom, taking a shower. It didn't last long and he was next to you, on his towel, around his waist. He sat next to you when his big palms caressed your stomach. That move made you whimper.

"Don't cry, it'll happen." He really is an optimist person. He wiped off some of your tiny tears ready to escape from your eyes. "I don't know if it's the appropriate time, but do you want us to try again? Or should we go for in vitro fertilization?" He gently asked.

"I don't want IVF, I don't feel comfortable there. Only with you." You disclosed and he came closer to your face kissing you gently.

His big hands caressed you everywhere. You looked so tiny beneath him, however it made you feel important. Your hands kept touching his attractive biceps until he removed the towel around him, staying naked on top of you. With one move, he removed your nighty and massaged your breasts, when his face leaned towards your neck, giving you soft kisses. He finally removed your underwear and trusted inside you. His moans were so deep and his eyes locked in you. Your arms, around his neck and his back, giving small nail scratches.

"I love you Joe." You moaned between the thrusts you received.

"I love you too y/n ..." He softly said when you felt him moving deeper. He knew every inch of your body. Literally. He knew how deep you could take him and how much. "Babe, are you close?" He asked making sure you'd finish too.

"Yes..." You moaned kissing his lips.

"Alright, because I am." he caressed your cheek and his moves were sudden and slow, which means he was done inside you, possibly fertilizing you. You came together and after removing himself from you, he wore his underwear and helped you get your clothes too. He covered you with the layers and hugged you tight.

"I hope this time it's happening." You said at his arms.

"Fingers crossed." He smiled at you.

You were the little spoon tonight; Joe was hugging you from behind and you felt protected. This is how he makes you feel everytime you're together. You're just made for each other.

You woke up in the middle of the night, sweating and frightened of your nightmare. You stood up from your bed crying loudly. Joe next to you grabbed a bottle of water, you always have at your stand, offering it. He gently rubbed your back telling you to calm down, it was just a bad dream, it's not reality. But what if it really is? What if you really are infertile? You were on the edge of going insane. He pulled you closer, playing with your hair so you'd eventually return to your sleep.

The next morning, Joe wasn't next to you. He probably went downstairs, making breakfast. You had to get ready and see him at the kitchen. But you heard speeches coming from there as you walked the stairs so you decided to eavesdrop. There was your younger brother Ben talking with him. That's how you actually met each other. Ben set you up.

"How's things?" Ben asked. You didn't really talk to him about you and Joe but Joe does. They are like best friends.

"Terrible." Joe admitted and Ben looked at him confused. "I mean, I love her but we keep failing on growing our family." He explained and took a sip of his coffee.

"How long have you been trying?" He asked preoccupied.

"Since the wedding night, counting three years." He declared.

"I've heard my mother talking with y/n about it but I didn't really pay attention. However, how do you feel about it?" Ben questioned.

"I can't blame y/n about this, it's happening to many women but I also can't see myself without kids." He opened up to his best friend. You instantly felt heart broken.

"And then what? Will you divorce her because of that? She loves you more than anything Joe." Ben explained.

"I can't divorce her. She's my everything. But I also don't want to keep trying. I want to have babies in this big house as soon as possible. I don't want to age." He shook his head broken hearted.

"You do feel sad about it. Do you have any idea how sadder it is for her? A baby is a bless." Ben protested. You wanted to hear more. They'd stop the conversation if you appeared in the kitchen.

"I'm not pressuring her. When we did the IVF, we were sure it'd happen but it died too. How many possibilities does she have when she gets older? Less than they already are." Joe questioned himself. Ben didn't say a thing.

You decided to get inside the kitchen, pretend like you heard nothing.

"Good morning sis." Ben smiled at you.

"Morning Ben." You neutrally said, faking what you thought before. You couldn't hide your anger at Joe's confession.

"Good morning my love." Joe attempted kissing you but you backed off. Both of them noticed your reaction and stared each other confused. "So um, are you okay?" He checked on you.

"I'm perfect." You lied. You're dying inside.

"Maybe I should get going." Ben felt the tense and had to leave.

"Yes you should. I'll take you to the door." You raised you eyebrow at him.

You were with Ben at the door and Joe eavesdropped without being noticeable.

"The next time you'll talk with Joe about my lack of fertility, I'll murder you." You threatened him.

"You know you can't do it sis." He joked.

"I can't, but I can cut your balls and you'll see who's the weak." You aggressively said to him and he didn't say a word.

"Damn sis, okay." He was defeated and left your home leaving you with your husband.

He came out of the kitchen guilty. But it wasn't his fault. You just wanted to throw your weight somewhere else.

"You heard us?" He silently asked.

"Are you joking? Of course I did. Is that what you talk about with your friends outside?" You angrily argued.

"No! He asked me! Besides he's your brother, he can know about it." he pointed out.

"I don't want him to know! I won't even let my mother know from now!" You attacked.

"Fine! But he's my best friend! I want to talk to someone! Why don't you let me do it? I never pressure you so stop pressuring me!" He shouted leaving you at a staring shock.

"I want you to leave right now Joe." You silently closed your eyes pointing at the door. "And tell everyone we can't have kids because I am infertile." You were so ironic.

"Where will I go? Are you kicking me out of my home?" He concede.

"Yes I do and don't come back. I'm angry." You walked inside the kitchen and he followed you.

"But you'll be over it by evening." He calmly said.

"No I fucking won't!" You threw him a glass and it accidentally fell down at his feet, with some pieces of glass hurting his arms.

"You arrogant bitch!" He yelled coming to your place menacingly. "You want to kill me now or what?" He raised your hand on you and covered yourself with your arms, afraid if he'd hit you. Flashbacks of domestic violence crossed your mind. Your alcoholic father hitting you in every chance he'd get.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sorry!" You sat down at the floor, crying loudly and hiding yourself, so he wouldn't harm your body but your arms.

After Joe finding out what he was doing he shockingly moved his arms and sat in front of you, getting you inside his arms. He started crying too.

"I am sorry y/n, I didn't mean to do it! I'm just so sad." He whimpered at your neck.

"Please Joe, divorce me. I can't keep making you unhappy." You cried at his chest, avoiding the eye contact.

"I can't do it. I love you, I'm literally attached to you, mentally, emotionally and physically. I just can't." He kissed you. "We'll find some way to fix it. We can do it, I know." He silently cried, hiding his voice cracks.