#I'd welcome a Season 2 but this isn't like BCS where I'm mad where the story left the characters Elena got what was coming to her

[thekimspoblog]

"The Regime"

A hell of a ride. Sad to see it end.

[anxiouspregnantlady]

4 weeks old!

well, i ended up waiting a week from the last post. baby girl was born at 39+4. 7 hour labor, 7 minutes of pushing. "powerful" is the midwife's word. it was all in all a terrific experience, healing, empowering, bonding. i am beyond grateful. no tears. even so, i have had to take resting seriously - any kind of mild walking in the first couple weeks was NOT welcome by my uterus. i am definitely turning a corner, feeling much more intact, and really looking forward to increasing movement in the next couple of weeks.

so much to write. i'll begin right here in this moment - monday early afternoon, just finished folding laundry while re-watching pachinko season 1 (after re-reading the book after watching season 2), i'm still so immersed in this world for some reason... i think it is a story of women (among many other things obviously), and the suffering of women, and that is what is really resonating with me. i have two daughters now. meimei is lying on the floor on her quilt made by aunty S, just rousing from milk-induced slumber, she is impossibly cute and delightful, i really wasn't prepared to fall so hard in love with another baby. man, the hormones are such a trip. i am tearing up now just thinking about how much i love her.

anyway, the birth has been written about in great detail elsewhere... she was born 6lb 13oz, much smaller than i'd expected, with a thick crop of almost-curly black hair. she has been fairly easygoing so far, with some windows of fussiness, but rather than crying at length she makes these punctuated exclamations, "AYE!" "EIH!" " AEIY!" which are endearing and heartbreaking. she's pretty sleepy, much sleepier than i remember phillipa being. first week was a bit mad, tested coombs positive putting her at higher risk for jaundice, her numbers were borderline enough for her to keep needing heel pricks & blood tests for bili, but in the end she didn't need phototherapy. i now know this is quite common (esp for asian babies) but it just felt like such an ordeal i think because we didn't give birth at the hospital and so even getting the blood test was difficult / full of friction & we didn't know really whom to call or where to go or how it would be, plus phototherapy would mean getting admitted inpatient. we paged the midwife line one night bc she wasn't pooping and we really needed her to poop...julie was so kind and helpful and we ended up giving 2oz of formula that night (my milk was still coming in, i think this was day 2 or 3), which instantly caused her to do several poops. i think this was instrumental in her being able to clear her bili.

she was a good eater from day 1 though latching was not easy, i'm grateful to nurse kelly who came on day 2 and helped me latch. pain has been within the threshold of normal for the most part. she has a tongue tie but still good suction and great tongue movement, so it isn't really bothering us. she's so sleepy though and usually can't make it to the second boob. we definitely do a lot of snacking throughout the day, eating from one boob, snoozing, trying the other 45-60 mins later, et cetera ad infinitum, although this is getting better with persistence and encouragement, i don't believe in waking her up TOO much (unless it's critical for her growth) and if she wants to snack during the day i'm ok with that. next level will be learning how to nurse in the carrier. maybe should've gotten a ring sling. i am enjoying breastfeeding for the most part, and i am much more comfortable + confident breastfeeding in front of my family / other people / in public than the first time around; i should probably use more pillows to save my neck. my supply seems to be about the same as it was with phillipa, aka just about enough. i haven't been freezing any milk but we haven't needed to supplement. i'm on top of my game this time re: avoiding plugged ducts and such. anyway we are nursing so frequently it isn't really a problem.. but last week i went to pick phillipa from school alone and we hung out at a cafe for a bit. my boobs were SO unhappy. it's like they knew i was away from my baby. i was randomly letting down in the cafe and just in pain/discomfort, even though it was only about 1.5-2hours. other thing i've learned - bras matter. the target bras i wore last time are TOO TIGHT and give me extra discomfort. anyway, we nurse around the clock except for 2 3-oz bottles, one before her bedtime and one for the first wakeup (~930pm and 1am but still varies so much), and i pump 1 or 2 times during that window. it's working for us! i like our system of dr browns glass bottles and the tommee tippee super low tech bottle warmer.

sleep. focusing a lot more on OUR sleep instead of hers this time, takes the pressure off trying to 'improve' her sleep. she did her first 5 hour stretch this past weekend though which is incredible. still at the point where i couldn't necessarily sleep through all or even most of it because i was woken by my boobs, but we'll get there. i am feeling pretty good actually. she sleeps in her love to dream swaddle and can nap lying down at least once a day (first nap), sometimes around lunchtime too. otherwise we hold her or wear her.

phillipa. was having a really really difficult time the first 3 weeks, screaming a lot...had to lean in and just accept and ride it out, try to show her a lot of love and patience but also be firm that this is the way her world is going to be from now on.

to be continued.. need to eat while she's still sleeping