#I'd put this on my main but it feels a lil bit whiney

[star-of-wishes]

Kinda super long post. TLDR at the end

Idk if I've mentioned this before but if I have, idc, you're listening to it again. Almost exactly 12 months ago I was in probably the worst place mentally and physically, even more than my teens. I won't get into details because that will make this post require a community label and my intention is just to get this stuff of my chest. Even so, now I feel happier, I'm surrounded by people who don't hate me and even though it makes me nervous I can't wait to go to graduation (which is in 11 days btw!) and show people how much better I am now. Not in an arrogant way but in a "getting away from you people turned my whole life around" way. I know the whole point of glow ups isn't for others but for self improvement, but I've always wanted that "be careful who you call ugly in middle school college" glow up.

Just. I imagine myself actually putting in 10% more effort into my appearance, so I look neither like a sleep-deprived zombie nor a cried-myself-to-sleep last-night-zombie. Maybe those who weren't as terrible would talk to me a little. Maybe get a few compliments? They ask about how I'm doing, I ask about their life, I compliment them because a lot of them actually have better fashion sense, and we have nice genuine conversation? ....Does that feel self-obsessed and vain? The other day Dad and I were going somewhere but we were stuck in traffic which gave us plenty of time to have a few "reflecting on life discussions" as he calls it. And he told me that it was nice to not see me in as pathetic of a situation as I was a year ago (that sounds rude without context but he was honestly sweet about it lmao). I had seriously considered dropping out of the bachelor's degree program but if that had happened I would have gone back to that place in Jan 2024 and it would have made an "irreparable dent in my career". And he's right. In addition to all this my shit health affected Mom as well and it was honestly heartbreaking because the last thing I wanted was to drag her also into my crises. Let's just say it wasn't "My year" as people generally hope for on New Year's Eve. TLDR; if you're not in a good place please hang on a little longer I know it feels impossible but it's not and I believe in you. I don't claim to be wise or something because i'm 21 i don't know a lot of stuff still but just my little piece of advice that's all