#I'd like this novel to be done writing wise before the year is out so I'm making great progress towards that

[mewgatori]

A big part of revisions has been me going "WHY did I think that was ok?" at things that are wildly different levels of bad

[violivs]

NMTDaily: Tricking Ben

This does deviate from the watching as aired schedule, but since the Candle Wasters sent out an email for it at this point in NMTDaily, I will liveblog Tricking Ben.

The short film style makes this the only piece of canon NMTD/LLL content that isn't shot in vlog format. Instead we have the omniscient view on characters who don't know an audience can see them. I am still so sad that I will never see any more scenes shot like this for these characters, because that's the only way I'd have gotten to see all the serious Beadick conversations in Lolilo that I wanted to see.

The film still starts with a fakeout vlog beginning, which is interesting. This is the only time we ever see Pedro independently starting to make a video himself, apart from his appeal to John later on in NMTD, and of course it's to show off Balthazar's music.

HOW is Balthazar allowed to just start playing guitar in the library? How are the boys allowed to have a loud conversation in the library? This whole part is just an exercise in suspension of disbelief that a librarian didn't yell at them.

I like that the colors of the Tricking Ben title card match the colors on Ben's shirt! Fun little detail.

Ben is very awkward around Hero here. They're not yet the friends they will one day be. Aww.

"I bet he has your name saved in his phone with little hearts around it." Yeah, and I bet post-NMTD Ben will have Beatrice's name in his phone with little sparkle-heart emojis all around it!

Ahh, Claudio couldn't meet Ben where he said they'd meet, because then he'd have to walk him right into the conversation instead of letting him overhear it. I see.

Ben is so confused, poor baby.

The books are an Easter egg! The one on the bottom of the stack is called "Benediction", and the next one up is "The Dating Game", I think? The next one up is called How to Love, and the top one is clearly a romance novel by someone called Catherine Coulter, though I can't make out a title. Google says she writes romantic suspense and historical romance. Fitting.

Was that girl looking at books the same actress who played Claudio's new girlfriend in Lolilo? It looks like her. Can you imagine going to the same school as the NMTD crew, hearing all the gossip about what happened to Hero, and then still choosing to date Claudio the next year? Damn, girl.

It's definitely her, that's why they have her say hi to Claudio and Claudio run away from her awkwardly!

Claudio is hardcore panicking. He is not good at being sneaky. So that'll be the other reason he couldn't see Ben face-to-face before the overhearing happened- he wouldn't have been able to act normal enough to avoid making Ben suspicious.

"You know how everyone's unnecessarily obsessed with you?" OMFG the song is An Ode, this is not a drill!!!

Ben just drops his entire bag next to some random kid before going to hide? Take that with you, you don't know when you'll be able to go back for it!

His immediate panic face is excellent, lol.

Here is a gifset I made commemorating Ben's excellent faces in this video. It's basically my analysis of all his faces right in one post.

Leo saving the day! Claudio blurted out that thing about Bea making a vlog, so of course the first thing Ben does is get his phone to look for the video. And Leo thinks fast enough to clarify that she never posted it. That could've totally compromised the plan.

Claudio is SO bad at this.

The book that falls on Ben is called L-L-L-Loser, a Lolilo reference.

John is here! I love how he looks up, like, "Is this intel I'll need for my Plan? Oh, no, nevermind."

There are so many other people here, how did this conversation not get reported back to Beatrice? I bet it's because people who don't know her are wisely too scared of her to bring it up.

"Ben is so brave, and funny, and tall, what shall I DO??!!" Matthew J Smith is the MVP of this one, folks. Hilarious. Also, why would Claudio's first thought be "brave"? Ben hasn't done his brave thing yet, and it's standing up to Claudio!

Okay, thank you, the librarian DOES yell at them. Realism.

I just can't get over how terrified Claudio looks right now. He is so stressed. He looks like he thinks even moving a muscle will blow the secret right now.

I will never get over Ben hiding in the tree in this bit. He has to know they could see him by just turning around. Comically bad hiding place.

The way Ben is holding himself as he sneaks over to the tree, too. It's like, "if I just make myself small and quiet they won't notice me." You are too tall for that, honey, it's not helping.

He did remember to go back for his backpack, though!

It's cute that Balthy and Pedro's outfits match! Red and blue!

Balth is so bemused by Pedro asking about and complimenting the chord he's playing, aww.

Ben's like "SHIT no if he texts me they'll hear my phone!" The facial expressions in this video, truly gold.

His shirt brings out his eyes. Even when they're bugging out in panic, lol.

Awww I love how sad Ben looks at the idea that he'd ruthlessly tear Bea apart for liking him. In my gifset, I summed it up as, "No, I wouldn't enjoy hurting her, and I'm sad you all think I would." <3

"Poor little Ben just can't see what's right under his nose." Says Pedro, while sitting right next to the boy he doesn't know he has a crush on. And while, from Ben's point of view, not realizing Ben himself is right under his nose (or above his head) as well.

"She's so smart." "Yeah, except for loving Benedick." We love lines adapted directly from the play!

"Having a crush can be a nice thing, though." "I don't think it's that kind of crush, Balthy-boy." This makes me so incredibly sad, because it HAS to be foreshadowing to Lolilo and how Balthazar's crush on Pedro goes from something nice that feels good to something incredibly angsty and drawn-out and painful for both of them. :(

Ben's watch going off and the boys pretending not to notice, lol

Like Hero and the girls' conversation for Bea to overhear, the boys' conversation also involves pretending to consider telling one person about the other's crush, then deciding they shouldn't interfere.

I do love imagining the boys pitching this whole thing to Leo, though. And Leo being all in because he and Hero have been saying to each other for months that Bea definitely secretly likes Ben.

Ben sneaks off with the MOST ADORABLE little smile! He loves her! Awwww I wanna squish him!!!!

Hero and Claudio debrief and Claudio calls her a legend for stealing Bea's phone. It hurts my heart how cute they are right here. There are no undertones of Claudio's possessiveness and misogyny present, they're just two kids who like each other. If they'd gotten together after Claudio grew up more and unlearned some stuff, they might even have worked out. :(

Of COURSE Bea has Ben saved in her phone as "Dickface". As soon as they get together I bet she changes it to read just “💕Dickface💕” 😆

Shut UP the end credits music is the instrumental to Way To Tell You!!!! Beatrice’s song for Ben! Ending with an acknowledgement that her feelings for him really do turn out to be real!!!

The comments say there’s also an instrumental of Beatrice You’re Vivacious near the end of the short before the credits, which is precious too.

Oh my god, end credits shot of the books, and the historical romance novel is called THE DUKE!!! Amazing. Also the How to Love book is by Katie Cotugno! I’ve read one of her other books, it had bi rep and I liked it a lot.

Harriett as Director of Photography! I love that these projects gave her a place to learn she prefers to be behind the camera and practice that. I hope she’s doing well.

The credits end on a picture of Harriett and Jake hugging, NO ONE TOUCH ME

They had the sweetest friendship and I hope they still do. Angels.

I am now in mourning again because this is the last time I ever got to see Benedick Hobbes on my screen, and the last time I ever will, so far as I can guess. *cries forever* MY BABYYYY

You all already know I have no chill when it comes to him, don’t look at me. *burritos up in a blanket to sulk*

No but I love Tricking Ben so much and I am so glad they made it for us!!!

Wait, shit, since when did TCW have a patreon?! I’m sure it’s defunct now, but did anyone used to subscribe? Were there any good extras on there? DID I MISS ANY BEADICK CONTENT????!!!!

Comments roundup: Balth was the first to play off the Ode as a joke here; Ben’s “what? What?” was a Tenth Doctor reference; just so much love for these characters and series; Matthew J Smith responding jokingly to a Claudio-centric comment!

💖🥭🦩

[mlobsters]

supernatural s1e1 pilot (w. eric kripke)

(this is a rewatch, so spoilers abound)

because my brain is jacked up, i'm weirdly anxious about rewatching the show even though that's been The Plan for months. i watched 15x20 a week (plus) ago and every time i think about starting over at the pilot and writing them up proper like i did around s4-5 onward, my chest kind of clenches up and i look for literally anything else to do. i am worried about having feelings that i'm not prepared to deal with. which is fucking ridiculous.

hold onto your butts, this is gonna be a long fucking post

i've mentioned before that babies in peril is my number 1 hard stop on media -- i stopped watching killing eve mid-episode because of one and never went back to it (i intended to but never happened, brain weasels make everything hard.) so i know the very first time i tried to watch spn (several years ago) i almost turned it off because of little baby sam. that first attempt at watching i wasn't actually fully paying attention, i had it on while i was doing other things and so i missed all the character stuff and only saw it as kind of a mid horror schlocky situation so i never finished the first season back then. when i gave it another go in early 2023, i was giving it my full attention.

one thing this show always got? the cutest, happiest, sweetest babies. 10/10 would recommend

already freaking out how young everyone is and happy clean shaven john is extra wild

demon growl sound effect / padalecki's accent & jerk bitch moment

hey, it's the first instance of the demon growl noise when mary's burning on the ceiling! ooh i'm gonna be even more insufferable about the musical score and sound effects now that i'm listening for it from the jump

also i have called padalecki's accent/speech pattern the crispy r based on some tiktok i heard describing it that way - i associate it with california (but these clips are almost the opposite where the R is getting almost eliminated but not in the boston accent way), and i'd say maybe it was a choice but i think he spoke this way in gilmore girls too? but anyway, his Rs are just very different and it's a very particular and kind of subtle accent that definitely doesn't carry through the entire series ("bear it" in the second clip, the "sorry" in the third). i mentioned it when they had a clip of a moment from 1x10 as well in the pre-ep recap for 5x09

really well done and effective effects on that fire in the nursery

♥️💔

so this picture made it out of the lawrence fire (it was on mary's nightstand) but not the stanford one? i don't recall it being in the collection

i never really understood where sam was supposed to be timeline-wise in college, other than he must not have graduated because it was october? so there's me googling when you take the LSAT. so he could have (assuming it hasn't changed that much since 2005) taken it in june or october of the calendar year before he graduated. all right so that makes sense now that i think about it for more than 30 seconds. so he didn't finish his last year really of his bachelor's. and he's 22. i think in that alex irvine john winchester diary novel thing (don't think that that's considered canon but that's a whole other can of worms), it said sam graduated high school at 19 instead of 18 so i think that would make things line up (someone made a timeline that also includes everything in that novel but the post is loudly wncest dni so i won't link it). i do know it was just a mistake that the pilot said sam had been gone 2 years.

the ever useful canon discrepancies article at superwiki:

One of the most frequently debated potential canon discrepancies. Here are the facts: - In the 1.01 Pilot, Sam is about to be interviewed for law school, which could work on the assumption that he's just about to finish a bachelor degree (4 years). Dean also says that he hasn't spoken to Sam in "nearly two years." - In 1.03 Dead in the Water, Dean tells Sam that he spent "Every day for two years with Dad, while you were going to pep rallies." - In 1.07 Hook Man, Dean says "So this is how you spent four good years of your life, huh?" when they are researching in the library. - The original promo dates Mary's death to September 13, 1985, consistent with Sam being twenty and having been at Stanford for two years but out of step with everything else in the series. Eric Kripke acknowledged during a panel at the 2006 William S. Paley Television Festival that they made a mistake in the script -- initially Sam was meant to be 20, then they aged him up to 22, but neglected to change Dean's line from "two years" to "four years." Therefore, it may have been the creators' intention that Sam has been at college for four years.

this is gonna take me approximately forever to rewatch episodes 🤪

keeping my eye out for hands for drawing. have a general idea of getting something early seasons to go in the set with the 15x20 hands.

SAM Yeah? When I told Dad I was scared of the thing in my closet, he gave me a .45. DEAN Well, what was he supposed to do? SAM I was nine years old! He was supposed to say, don't be afraid of the dark.

classic john

SAM Yeah, I know, but still. The way we grew up, after Mom was killed, and Dad's obsession to find the thing that killed her. SAM But we still haven't found the damn thing. So we kill everything we can find. DEAN We save a lot of people doing it, too.

one thing i'm thinking about is how i definitely was under the impression that they really didn't know any other hunters until they start getting mentioned here and there (dropping bits of backstory about working jobs with xyz while sam was at school etc), and that they barely knew anything about demons. so i'm curious to see how much of that is me misremembering

SAM You think Mom would have wanted this for us? The weapon training, and melting the silver into bullets? Man, Dean, we were raised like warriors. DEAN So what are you gonna do? You're just gonna live some normal, apple pie life? Is that it? SAM No. Not normal. Safe. DEAN And that's why you ran away. SAM I was just going to college. It was Dad who said if I was gonna go I should stay gone. And that's what I'm doing.

classic john x2. i know it's the pilot, i know they're bombing us with backstory like they need to, but i'm just like. everything about this ends up being pretty essential to understanding them and how they were raised it's so much 😩

DEAN I can't do this alone. SAM Yes you can. DEAN Yeah, well, I don't want to.

excuse me while my heart breaks into little bits. i knew that line in 15x20 was a callback to this, and it was heartbreaking then too. well actually it makes feel slightly ill rereading that scene from the finale. too emotionally invested

DEAN It started happening more and more, so Dad went to go dig around. That was about three weeks ago. I hadn't heard from him since, which is bad enough. DEAN Then I get this voicemail yesterday. He presses play. The recording is staticky and the signal was clearly breaking up. JOHN Dean...something big is starting to happen...I need to try and figure out what's going on. It may... Be very careful, Dean. We're all in danger.

so he coulda like. told dean he was ditching him for his safety in this sketchy vague voicemail, but then of course we wouldn't have them chasing him down with quite the same mystery. it's just kind of comical.

like this post puts it:

spn season 1 is so funny. they made the main plot line finding sam and dean’s missing father. but like. the guys not missing. he’s just avoiding them.

i'm sure (i hope???) every rewatch post isn't going to turn into a dissertation like this. good grief

hey. i was gonna mention that music was quite inoffensive and not bad at all and was about give old jay a pat on the back, but no! it's christopher lennertz lol. my ear always knows. so that's the originator of the demon growl sound

SAM It's the greatest hits of mullet rock. DEAN Well, house rules, Sammy. Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole. SAM You know, Sammy is a chubby twelve-year-old. SAM It's Sam, okay?

i mean so many classic interactions i can't handle it. also, real shame netflix didn't/wouldn't get the licensing for the music originally aired. i have the blurays but i'm down a functional bluray player so here i am, watching on netflix with shitty replacement music yet again. that scene should have had ramblin man and back in black. travesty. back when they splashed out for the good licensed music (and i usually was on board with lennertz's selections)

the comment about them being a little young for federal marshals (also in their kinda scruffy clothes lol) and wikipedia says:

Marshals Service hiring is competitive and comparable to the selection process for Special Agent positions in agencies with similar duties. Typically fewer than five percent of qualified applicants are hired [citation needed] and must possess at a minimum a four-year bachelor's degree or competitive work experience (which is usually three or more years at a local or state police department).

so i mean, sounds like it's doable! barely. (i'm not even halfway through the episode lol)

stepping on dean's foot, smacking sam's head. very good sibling stuff

meanwhile we're gonna pop jackles in some bomb ass golden hour lighting so we can get his pretty, pretty face looking even prettier. lighting doesn't match any other part of the scene, but if you can get them lit up in it, we're using it!

SHERIFF Can I help you boys? DEAN No, sir, we were just leaving. As the FBI AGENTS walk past DEAN, he nods at each of them. DEAN Agent Mulder. Agent Scully.

respect to the og (that was the show of my youth and my forever otp and also my first impression of sam and dean's relationship was mid-run mulder and scully)

s1e1 r.d. call as sheriff pierce / the x-files s1e18 as sheriff daniels

oh! and this sheriff was a sheriff in an xfiles episode, that's even better! that's brilliant. love to see it

those jeans and before dean had his signature logger boots which i didn't apparently really notice until s6

DEAN Yeah, Troy told us about you. We're his uncles. I'm Dean, this is Sammy.

uncles??? lol

another thing i remember really liking is these random girls aren't like.. tv pretty makeup. they're just random gothy girls with stark harsh eye makeup and lipstick and matte heavier foundation. like real people do! it just makes it feel more grounded in reality to me when not everyone's makeup is tv-perfect

y'all. look at this! so i have talked a lot about the computer stuff, whenever there's a screen (in any show i'm watching) i'll pause and check out the veracity. teen wolf had laughably fake web page mockups. and one thing i do recall noticing in this episode was real webpage urls! and even in the printouts which comes later. which they did not do consistently in spn seasons after this at all until much later

classic. truly. more smacks and shoves. it's okay, sammy. i also am a little bit of a control freak especially when it comes to computer stuff. JUST LET ME DO IT.

DEAN Monday. Right. The interview. SAM Yeah. DEAN Yeah, I forgot. You're really serious about this, aren't you? You think you're just going to become some lawyer? Marry your girl? SAM Maybe. Why not? DEAN Does Jessica know the truth about you? I mean, does she know about the things you've done? SAM No, and she's not ever going to know. DEAN Well, that's healthy. You can pretend all you want, Sammy. But sooner or later you're going to have to face up to who you really are.

dean's got a point there. which reminds me, did blurry wife know the truth? i remember there was some blurb about the story behind sam's kid having the anti-possession tattoo

wiki to the rescue

Though Sam's son has an anti-possession tattoo on his arm, there are no other signs of hunting in Sam's life after he leaves the Bunker. Jared confirmed at the November StageIt panel that Sam has not been hunting "in honor of Dean" because Dean wouldn't have wanted him to, but that Sam did tell his son about hunting and about his Uncle Dean, and that the decision to get the tattoo was Dean II's.

so probably yes?

(hands)

SAM And who's that? DEAN You're one of us. SAM No. I'm not like you. This is not going to be my life. DEAN You have a responsibility to— SAM To Dad? And his crusade? If it weren't for pictures I wouldn't even know what Mom looks like. And what difference would it make? Even if we do find the thing that killed her, Mom's gone. And she isn't coming back.

oh, sam. these early days he was chafing so hard against what other people wanted him to do. also relatable. and if only we knew about mary🥴

sam enjoying dean's predicament

SAM Salt, cat's eye shells…he was worried. Trying to keep something from coming in.

cat's eye shells?? don't think that ever got mentioned again

LOL okay, so the url isn't perfect 😂 missing forward slashes and no underscores in domain names, but they tried!!

huh. another family picture i don't recall seeing again. kind of backwards, longer brown hair on supposedly dean and short lighter hair on supposedly sam

so did dean grab john's leather jacket at this point? since he showered and changed in john's motel room. i hadn't thought about that. huh

SAM You can't kill me. I'm not unfaithful. I've never been! CONSTANCE You will be. Just hold me.

i know this comes up in fic periodically but i don't think that went anywhere, like the cat's eye shells

LOL i didn't remember that the woman in white resolution was her ghostly murdered children conveniently take her out

DEAN Hey, if we shag ass we could make it by morning. SAM Dean, I, um... DEAN You're not going. SAM The interview's in like, ten hours. I gotta be there. DEAN Yeah. Yeah, whatever. I'll take you home.

there's so many moments in this episode that i've seen in gifs and didn't realize were all from the pilot. but it's really interesting to me to see how like.. the show really kind of pushed how much dean needed/wanted sam and sam was resisting, and how i think it really set up dean as the more "likeable" character initially, along with showing off his pretty face and charm and all that. on a brain-characterization level, i always relate more to sam but i was definitely charmed by dean initially.

SAM Call me if you find him? SAM And maybe I can meet up with you later, huh? DEAN Yeah, all right. DEAN Sam? DEAN You know, we made a hell of a team back there. SAM Yeah.

the only thing that i think makes this episode not quite paced right is how they crammed jess dying at the end and the we've got work to do thing. it felt really rushed and slapped on. but other than that, what a great pilot. ranks up there with the hannibal pilot

[margridarnauds]

fanfic writer emoji ask: ✍ 🎢 👀

✍ Do you have a beta reader?

For a while, I did, and they were and are great (we have not had a falling out! We are still friends!), but real life kind of got in the way for both of us, and that's fine. Sometimes, I do miss having someone look over my stuff so that I know I don't sound insane, but it's fine.

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

I feel like "wildest ride" could mean so many different things. Like, content wise, just on the basis of it existing? ABSOLUTELY A Soft October Night, mainly because I don't think I'd ever gone as far as "Incest Murder Threesome" before. (I will make no promises that I won't do so AGAIN, but it definitely is a shocker from the usual.)

Though this is ALSO from the same creative team that brought you "Romeo has sex with the personification of Death on a crucifix" and "Ronan and Lazare have sex on a printing press" (which seems MUCH tamer compared to the other two), so, really, you can pick your poison.

As far as plot? Either The Midnight Mass or Pour la Peine, depending on if you think "Ronan discovers his old friends are zombies that want to kill him" or "The Thing that happens in Pour la Peine that changes the whole plot" is more shocking. (Personally, I am still REALLY proud of that twist in PLP, since I'd sat on that for years.)

If you're talking about in a crackficky sense? ...I mean. Goosefic. Goosefic. The fic that solidified my reputation in the 1789 fandom. If I say so myself, every single fic I've listed before that has some larger motivation for why it's Like That. Goosefic was just me reading a writing prompt and thinking "I want Lazare to get chased by a pissed off goose." And it is beautiful.

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

I don't think it's a SECRET I'm working on writing out my playthrough of BG3, or at least. Key parts of it. (I am NOT. Novelizing. An 125 hour playthrough. Yet.) I have about 11k words into it at the moment, but I'm not publishing a word of it until it's in a place where I know I can very likely finish it, or at least make a dent. We are NOT doing that thing where I just publish one chapter, hit a major bout of writer's block, and can't go through with it. (I can't make any promises for AFTER one chapter.)

It deals, primarily, with Kitrye's Happy Fun Times in the game, her ongoing verbal game of cat and mouse with Raphael, her relationship with her sister, and her relationship with her culture, as well as her overall development during the course of the game. (I don't really consider it a spoiler, given I put it in an actual gifset, that Kitrye breaks her oath as a paladin at one point -- there is a LOT dedicated to the circumstances around that and how it changes the game, even though that's a late development.) A spoiler that literally only you and a couple of people will understand and so I can give without any worry is:

"Ich will dich nicht, ich brauch' dich nicht. GEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."

(Honestly, thus far, it's looking like how I'm writing out every act is taking inspiration from something else. Like, if Pour la Peine and its related stories drew a lot of inspiration from the Evilious Chronicles, I would say that the third act in particular is very, very Elisabeth tinted if you know where to look; second act is looking to have at least one scene inspired by a very memorable moment from one of the branches of the Mabinogi; and the first act, which is still the roughest, is a little bit more up in the air, with all of them borrowing at least a LITTLE bit from The Last Trial.)

Of course. It would be much easier to work on it. IF I HAD MY GAMING PC THAT COULD RUN THE GAME SO I COULD DOUBLE CHECK MY FILES. MY CUSTOM MADE GAMING PC THAT I CHOSE EVERY SINGLE PART FOR SO THAT IT COULD BE A MONSTER AT RUNNING GAMES.

(I'm cool, I'm chill, I'm fine.)

Anyway, have the Symryvvin girls, out of context. (Malla 🤝 Raphael: Being in an eternal state of Done.)

[concerningwolves]

A Long-Overdue Writing Update

I know things have been quiet on the writing front lately. I crashed and burned in December (/had been crashing and burning in slow motion for several months beforehand), and I've decided to stop trying to scrape myself back together with the reasoning that my writing brain probably needs some time to simply be a splattered unproductive mess. I haven't even had the spoons to put my newsletter together.

Ultimately, all plans and tentative schedules here could be purely academic (hah), because I'm starting a Certificate of Higher Education on January 27th and that's probably going to gobble up most of the time I set aside for writing. Also, top surgery is now rather closer than on the horizon, and don't yet know what to expect in terms of recovery time. Regardless, here's how things are looking writing-wise as of today, 11th January 2024:

The Kindness of Ravens (Wyrdseren, book 2)

The Kindness of Ravens draft 3 is so so nearly finished. It's also probably what took me out in the first place, so it's currently sitting there, shelved mid-scene. The final climax is done, which leaves me with the aftercare resolution to write, and then I can say this draft is finished.

There is really very little left to do to the story itself. I've got all the events ordered as I want them, and I'm finally back to feeling enthusiastic about it. (Which is particularly nice considering that at one point I was seriously considering pulling the plug on the entire thing!). Yes, I did take on more of a challenge than necessary, but I do think it has paid off and I'm genuinely so excited to (eventually) bring the finished story to everyone. Still don't want to give anything concrete by way of a release date/schedule, though.

The Blood Enigma

TBE got beta-read back in June/July. It's in fairly solid shape, and I've got a firm plan of action in place for it. Granted, said plan is on hold right now and I didn't manage to get the book released in 2023 as I'd intended because Ravens takes priority, but I'm not beating myself up over that (<- said through gritted teeth). Once I finish the current draft of Ravens and give the beta reader feedback another look-over, I'll be able to come up with the time-frame for the rest of the work I need to do on it.

Falling Stars (series)

In more exciting news, once TBE is published, I'm going to start drafting the first book in my (*deep breath*) high fantasy zombie apocalypse environmental horror slow-burn polyamorous romance series (more streamlined pitch pending). I felt like I had more to learn about handling fantasy and series in general before I could tackle this one, and I think the story has really benefited from having time to gradually congeal while I worked on other things. I'm unbelievably hyped to start working on it properly.

Misc. Updates

I'm slowly chewing over two more potential WIPs: first, I've made a tentative plan for adapting my short story The Seal Daughter into a novella or novel set in the same world as The Blood Enigma, because there's definitely more I want to explore regarding transgender selkies and the idea of "seal children" as opposed to seal wives/seal husbands.

Secondly, I've recently been highly enamoured with trying my hand at a historical fantasy, (or at least pulling history into a fantasy setting), specifically one inspired by the Viking age and viking culture. Do I have a plot? Possibly. Or at least, I have a first chapter planned out and I know what the consequences of the events in said first chapter will be. Mostly though, I have vibes and sea monsters, which I think is a great pairing to bring with me into the new year.

[l-e-morgan-author]

Writing Newsletter #3: May 2024

Still not figured out website hosting, so this is still on here. I also haven't edited the two stories I plan to provide as a signup gift, so that's not ready yet. Anyway, if you want to be on the taglist for this monthly newsletter, say the word and I'll add you.

Writing update

As of yesterday, I finished drafting Patience, Changing. I wrote Hannah's death and it was hard, but I think what I have, while not particularly good, is a building block for the next draft. It's been a lot of fun, and now I'm putting away the project as a whole, ideally for at least a month. I have a lot of fragments as well as the main draft and novellas; they'll need some tidying, and various bits will probably be worked into longer pieces, but I want to give myself a break from the whole project. Word count wise, the novel itself clocks in at 84k (was planned to be 81k), and the total word count is 144k, having added around 29k since last month.

I had originally intended to go back to Metamorphosis of a Girl (Hadassah's story) once I was done with this, but there's a whump challenge I want to write for and the only one that will satisfy that is Hands Made for Gentleness. I'm considering making that my main project, at least for now, and also starting to work on To Kindle a Flame in the background again. I had conversations the other day that made me reread a scene; I unexpectedly really liked what I had, and the writing wasn't as clunky as I'd expected. I'm considering scrapping the 2020 draft completely and working solely from the 2021 draft and the notes I've made since.

I have worked a little (to the tune of 3k) on Hands Made for Gentleness this month. Looking back at my statistics, I actually wrote the most I've written for it so far in February 2023, when I wrote just shy of 10k. I always think I've written more for it than I have, partly because of how important every single word is to it. I need to write more downtime between them, I think; it's always so intense, and while that's kind of necessary to the kind of book it is, it's in its present state not something I personally would sit down and read in one sitting. I think I need to dial the intensity back just a little, so that the moments that are intense can really hit the spot. That's probably a revising-me point, though. I'm missing so much from this draft that will need to be added in later drafts; indeed I'm starting to be slightly nervous about the idea of tackling it, because of the sheer number of notes I've left for myself already, and I'm only 33k into the draft (plus a few thousand of assorted other stuff, including the prequel I want to revise at some point.... it takes it up to a combined total of 41k).

Reading update

I've been reading a handful of memoirs this month. First I read A Grief Observed (reread, specifically for handling Hannah's death in Patience, Changing), then Bones: Anorexia, OCD and Me (first time read, and I won't be rereading it: I don't recommend it), Girl, Interrupted (not as good as its popularity would suggest to me), and As I Disappear... (a very short poetry thing). There were also a few that didn't get onto my goodreads because I gave up on reading them before I actually bought them (all ED focused). I'm currently reading the same books as I was reading last month (Cry of the Raven, The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, and Walking on Water) as well as starting a reread of Pat of Silver Bush. Thinking of rereading Pride and Prejudice presently.

Ramble

Oh uh. I note that last time I wrote that my mental health has been comparatively amazing lately, which is... still true? Which is Impressive? I still need to work out motivation and that kind of thing which I'm not very good at still, but oh well. I guess I'm still as forgetful as I was. I realised recently I haven't been posting on my website all year. I need to do that more.

Drabble

As We Sail Into Hell

“I’ll go anywhere you go, so that makes us equal.”

“‘You are a gentleman, I am a gentleman’s daughter, so far we are equal,’” she misquoted cheerfully. “The fact that we’ll follow each other into—well, anywhere—doesn’t negate the fact that you have to choose where we’re walking right now.”

Nathan sighed. “I wanted you to make a decision,” he complained.

“I know. I shan’t. I know your tricks.”

“At this rate we’ll never get married because neither of us will ask the other.”

She grinned. “That’s your job. If you really want it.” But her expression was merry.

Photo

A collage from yesterday's walk. Ignore that I shared it on my main yesterday. The weird beastie in the bottom left is a wombat.

Fun fact

I title all my drabbles by either writing them off a song directly or by thinking of a lyric from a song. This one's from Durham Town, by Roger Whittaker.

[camelliagwerm]

For the fic writer game, 8 and 18 for A Pulsing Wound of Need and all the titles therein? I really admire your titles, they roll of the tongue so nicely.

Thank you, Ash!

fanfic writer questions | ao3 account for specific questions

8. Which fic or hc do you feel most proud of?

Fic-wise, I am leaning towards The Burdens of Command as it was really the first time I stepped out of my comfort zone and wrote something that was pure smut, and wanting to make sure it felt true to the characters; the entire thing is built on this idea that Camellia, for all her pride when it comes to her....technique in the bedchamber, ultimately won't have the same amount of experience as Valerius and now she has this opportunity to explore certain fantasies and kinks with a dedicated partner. She also has this delightful little bark after you invite her up to the Commander's quarters where she asks what normal couples do to keep sex interesting and that was a thought I kept in mind while writing it as well. (Though I imagine that O, These Cardinal Sins might take that honour once I'm done with it since I don't tend to write multi-chaptered things if I can help it. I prefer to keep my projects...contained for my own sanity.)

Headcanon wise - it's very blink and you miss it, but one of my favourite headcanons / the one I'm the most proud of is that Camellia is prone to dog-earing pages in her novels. Canonically she loves to read romance novels (and therefore, smut as well) - so I liked the idea of her dog-earing certain pages for 'inspiration and further exploration'. I've brought it up a couple of times: once in Addicted to the Taste of You and in a prompt fill:

“So,” he murmurs, a ringed finger tapping the folded corner, “I’ve noticed you marked a few specific pages. Like this.” Her cheeks grow hotter still. “They are helpful, umm, aids.”

18. How'd you come up with the title for (fic name)?

The series title actually went through a few different names, but A Pulsing Wound of Need comes from one of my favourite novels, A Dowry of Blood by S.T. Gibson, which is a reimagining of Dracula and his brides. The full quote is "you turned a strong-minded girl into a pulsing wound of need. I never knew the meaning of the word enthralled before you" - with the narrator Constanta talking about the early days of her relationship/marriage to Dracula. I'd always considered Valerius to be the one who is enthralled, so I changed it to 'a strong-minded man into a pulsing wound of need'. From that, I felt like A Pulsing Wound of Need really felt like the best title for what is essentially a gothic romance/horror series. As for the other titles:

May You Dine Forever - an aphorism from the Urgathoan faith; they use this phrase to call upon others to perform wanton acts of gluttony or more importantly, bestow a rite of passage upon an ally. There's a flavour text in Camellia's act 3 quest unique to Urgathoans saying that while she might not share your faith, what she is doing is well-known to any follower of Urgathoa. As such, this felt like an appropriate title as it is Valerius' way of both encouraging Camellia's habits (the wanton acts of gluttony - including the sex) and reassuring her that he is her ally and will keep her secret.

Curiosity - so this was...inspired by a scene in the Bloody Chamber by Angela Carter where the naive narrator discovers some rather explicit books within the Marquis' library, but with Camellia's own curiosity in Valerius and what exactly made him decide to not only spare her, but support her. I couldn't thnk of a better title at the time, so Curiosity it is. This might be a fic I come back to and flesh out more like I did with May You Dine Forever, which was a rewrite of my original fic from October last year.

Sanguinary Delights - this was both a nod to the main location of this fic (the Ten Thousand Delights) and the murder that takes place, but also it is in the 1e dhampir information that "many suffer a reprehensible desire to indulge in sanguinary delights, despite the fact that the act provides most no physical benefit." Reading that really made it jump out at me.

Afterglow - no particular reasoning behind this one. Honestly, I might remove it from being its own fic and put it in my prompt collection.

Addicted to the Taste of You(r Blood Red Lips) - this comes from a song by Moncrieff called Serial Killer from the pre-chorus and I picked it out because this fic is the first time Valerius feeds from Camellia.

The Burdens of Command - you know how sometimes you just have those titles that come to you all of the sudden? That was this one; and it is about Valerius relinquishing control to her, even if it is just in the bedroom.

In These Quiet, Intimate Moments - this was a nightmare to title, and in the end I just picked a phrase I liked from the prose.

My Strength and Comfort - also came from the prose itself; Arsinoe allows Camellia to see Valerius when he should be praying before the final battle at Threshold, and she joins him for that prayer despite not sharing the same faith as him. He draws his strength from his faith, but he finds his comfort in Camellia. Both are equally important to him.

O, These Cardinal Sins - I think I just picked this one after none of the other working titles I had really fit (I really wanted to make a lyric from Bedroom Hymns work). Sex & religion come up a lot in songs, so maybe I'll find something else I prefer further down the line.

Something New, Something Red - this is a play on the wedding superstition of something old, new, borrowed and blue, with the ruby choker being both something new and something red, rather than blue (I've mentioned before how rubies are considered a romantic gesture among his family, so substituting blue for red felt more apt -- and the ruby choker itself having a more macabre touch.)

Something I Gained Nonetheless (Us) - this is a quote directly from Camellia's final true romance talk at Threshold - that she never aspired to have such a close bond with anyone while on the crusade, but she gained her relationship with Valerius nonetheless. It's a good catchall for my prompt collection.

[misscrawfords]

4, 18, 20 and 30 (for the ask a fic author meme thing).

4. Do you outline before you start writing? If so, how far do you stray from that outline?

Uh, in my head I guess. I rarely write notes. The times I have done, I usually get about half way through and then tightly plot out the rest of the stories. Totally coincidentally, I'm sure, those are the ones I've finished!

20. What’s your favorite minor character you’ve written?

Hmm fandom wise...hmm. Hard to say. Most recently I've enjoyed all the secondary characters in Growing Beyond like Finn, Rose, Phasma... They're just very fun and have their own characters and backstories. SW modern AUs are great for ensembles. Rey's relationships with Finn and Rose are honestly my favourite.

30. Tell us an idea for a longfic you want to write in the future.

I thought you'd never ask! I've got two I've got bouncing around my head at the moment (I make up whichever I'm more in the mood for at any given time). The first is a James Bond/Alias Reylo AU - a light-hearted spy adventure story:

Rey Smith is an elite 00 agent, license to kill, working for MI6. But when her investigations into the terrorist organisation First Order bring her into contact with a mysterious masked warrior, she risks uncovering some secrets that MI6 would rather remain hidden - secrets that could hold the key to her own past.

I've always wanted to write a spy story (cheesy spy stories are honestly my favourite genre) and I'm slowly developing the plot for this.

The second is a pan-Austen university AU which I'm growing increasingly attached to, especially my unexpected crack OTP that has developed out of it (and now, I'm not saying who they are - that will be a crazy surprise if I ever write it):

Pemberley University, an idyllic Derbyshire campus on the outskirts of the small Peak District town of Lambton. Idyllic it may seem, but budget cuts and restructuring are causing any amount of stress to its faculty and students, especially the Head of Women's Studies, Dr. Elliot - though she's got more to worry about when her ex suddenly returns from America; and Student Council President Lizzy Bennet who is determined to fight the changes with everything she's got ("Down with Capitalism! Down with Patriarchy! Stick it to the Man!"). Also featuring characters and stories from all of Austen's novels woven together.

I think it would really work and I'm quite excited about it. It's just... a lot of characters and relationships to keep a track of!

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

HAaaaaaaah because I'm feeling contrary, I'm going to give you an extract from Chapter 4 of my next gen HP fic, "Cassandra" that I wrote as a teenager. I wish I'd been a good enough writer to finish it. I still think about it a lot and I love it. Anyway, I'm copying and pasting the extract here because I know for a fact nobody here has read it:

Context: 13 year old Cassandra Potter has been taken to a political meeting during the school holidays by her parents, Harry and Hermione, to be shown an example of how demoracy works. Predictably, it turns into a literal brawl. Cassandra is overwhelmed.

"Oh look! It's the little heiress! Look who'll get the galleons if her parents 'happen' to die! Ready to duel, Miss? I heard you were top of your class. You going to prove it?" He was an unpleasant looking fellow, and a good deal larger than me.

I almost considered turning down the challenge, but then I remembered that I was a Gryffindor, that I was Harry Potter's daughter and that I actually wouldn't mind trying out what I had learnt in Defence Against the Dark Arts. Then one of the man's friends said, "Aw, leave her, Spike. She's only a kid!"

That did it! I jumped up, flicked my hair out of my face and stood in the ready dueling position. I adapted my voice into the one that annoys Nero and Emilia Malfoy the most. "Actually, you know Spike, I am top of my class. How clever of you to find it out! I'm perfectly ready to prove myself."

He appeared taken aback, yet maintained eye contact with me as we circled. I had no idea what my parents were doing, or even where they were.

I was just about to fire my first spell when a hand grabbed my wrist from behind me. I let out a small scream. Spike yelled, "Here where do you think you're going, Potter?! You promised me a duel!"

The hand dragged me through the fighting crowd. "Let go of me!" I cried. I had a duel to finish or my honour as a witch would be damaged. Still, he was too strong. He pulled me out of the hall, through the vestibule and into a crisp, clear, cold winter's night. Eventually he let me go, once the door was shut behind us. It was Nero Malfoy.

"You- you!" Words failed me, I was so angry. I glared down at the red lines on my left wrist where his fingers had dug into my skin. I shook my arm in his face, "Look! Look what you did to me! How dare you! It hurts! Just look at it!"

"How can I look when you're shaking it so hard?" He grasped my hand again and stilled it. For a slender fourteen year old, he was pretty strong.

"Are you all right? Did I hurt you?"

What a question! He almost looked concerned. Luckily I was not taken in. He was trying to get me off my guard and then jump me.

"Yes, it did hurt, actually! What did you mean by dragging me out like that?"

"That hall's no place for someone like you."

I was growing angrier by the second. "What sort of a sexist comment is that? Did you see my mother? dealing with five thugs at the same time?"

"That man who challenged you, Spike, do you know who he is?"

How Malfoy could be keeping calm and cool like he was was beyond me. "No, do I care?"

"You should. He's a trained assassin. He works for my dad."

The news gave me a slight shock; I had definitely not acted wisely. Still, I'd never let that on to Malfoy. "Says something about your family, doesn't it?" Nero flushed. "My father punched yours. Your father has to hire people to do his dirty work for him, my father fights his own battles. I don't appreciate your interference in my life- I can manage perfectly well without your help and nonsensical ideas of saving my life or whatever you thought you were doing." Inspiration hit me- "You're just scared yourself so you got yourself out by pretending to save me." I smiled triumphantly. I was right, of course.

Nero seemed to have eventually lost his cool. "Your wrong, Potter. If you can't see why I did it then you're blinder than I thought. Go back to your mudblood loving parents-"

I saw red, pulled out my wand and dashed at him, "DO NOT INSULT MY PARENTS! THEY ARE WORTH TWENTY OF YOURS! YOUR MUM WASN'T EVEN AT THE BLASTED MEETING!"

He grabbed my wrist to stop me cursing him, "Don't say that about my mother!"

We struggled outside while our parents struggled inside. Eventually, when I thought I was getting the better of him I panted, "I'm going back inside to fight Spike and you can't stop me!" Somehow I found I had been pushed against the wall. I tried to pull Nero's wrists off mine. I was very out of breath.

"I can and will!" he hissed, his face a bare few inches away from mine.

The door opened and Catherine Shortstraw appeared into the night. She saw me immediately, "Cassandra!"

Malfoy let go of my wrists and jumped about a metre back. "Nero!" Catherine said in equal surprise. She walked quickly towards us and glanced at each of us in turn. "Now, what's been going on here? That you want to tell me about, that is," she added. She sent a somewhat confused look towards me. I was too out of breath to answer and I was nursing my arms.

Nero answered smoothly, though he too seemed a little puffed, "Cassandra was being attacked by a very dangerous man. I brought her out here."

My godmother's eyes lighted up for a second, "That seems very sensible, Nero. I shall talk to you about who that person was when we return to school."

He nodded, "Yes, Professor."

"Thank-you again, Nero. Now, Cassandra, I think you'd better come with me." She put her arm around me and steered me towards the dark blob in the distance that was the car park. I felt overcome with exhaustion. "I'm glad you came," I muttered. I did not look back at Malfoy.

Catherine and I walked in silence for a bit then out of the blue she asked, seemingly embarassed, "You and Nero, you were, er...er..."

"Fighting, you mean? Yes, of course we were! What did you think we were doing? Drinking tea?!"

Catherine looked relieved and even more embarrassed, but would not enlighten me.

So, anyway, I wrote that when I was 14, not much older than Cassandra herself. I know that it lacks a lot of subtlety and has more wrist grabs than a Korean drama from 2010 and I would definitely change some things now, but it's also doing a lot of the things I was trying to experiment with in that fic and it was a scene I was super excited to write at the time. The thing I loved about that fic was having Cassandra as an unreliable first person narrator. She's totally wrong about, well, just about everything that happens to her and I really loved writing from her perspective while also trying to show through the narrative what was actually happening. This extract, for example, shows the first time Nero steps into the spotlight in the story. So far he's just been in the background making typical Malfoy-esque snide remarks to her and her friends. But this is the first time they really interact and actually he's not behaving like a stupid bully. Not that Cassandra can see it. She's also very emotionally immature even for a 13 year old so she totally fails to pick up on certain undertones in their interaction that her godmother, the responsible adult in the situation, certainly does. So writing such a complex and oblivious heroine was very exciting to me. And I was also very excited to bring Nero forwards and begin his character arc as the story's anti-hero. Both of them are dealing with their parents' legacies and inherited prejudices and they deal with them in different ways and Nero's character development and journey was one of my all time favourite things about the story, not that I ever fully explored it, alas. He became very quickly ride-or-die for Cassandra - "There's my wife!" from about the age of 15 and it was extremely annoying for him. It takes her a lot longer to get with the scene, obviously.

One day, somehow, I'll find a way to tell their story in an original context. They're my OC OTP for ever and ever, probably. Teenage me knew what she wanted. :P

[ijustkindalikebooks]

I know I do not have youtube, but I do love this tag, so I shall deliver this to you through the magic of word.

I have read so many books this year (manga, graphic novels, big books, small books, picture books, there is very few genres left for me to get to here, except those alien sex books people keep talking about, not for me, I think but go you Love, if you're into that!).

Time for some questions!

The Best Book So Far You've read in 2021?

I am torn between 'The Only Plane In The Sky' which is one of the most harrowing books I've ever read and made me realise I want to read more books told in this form, or 'Priory Of The Orange Tree'. Did that book size scare me? Yes! Am I glad I got over it and read that bad boy? Heck yes, if you love fantasy read that book.

Best Sequel You've Read So Far?

I loved 'Muse Of Nightmares' and can't believe I took so long to get round to reading it, but. 'Act Your Age, Eve Brown' is a sequel and let me tell you I think by far I think about this book and the characters and imagine them in that Bed And Breakfast being absolutely adorable at least once a week and that is a testament to Talia Hibbert's talent for incredibly genuine characters.

New Release You Haven't Read But You Want to?

I am torn between many, 'Blackout' is an anthology of black writers about a electric cut out in New York and different stories set in that, and that, that is literary vibe. 'Dial A For Aunties' definitely needs a mention and 'Unravel The Dusk' is pretty new, the sequel to 'Spin The Dawn' which was such an incredible read.

Most Anticipated Release for the second half of the year?

There's a book coming out next month called 'The Taking of Jake Livingston' by Ryan Douglass which is described as a combination of 'Get Out' meets Danielle Vega - it's a YA horror survival book and I have had this on my radar for a bit. I am anticipating this book the most to be honest.

The Most Disappointing Book?

The Hunting Party by Lucy Foley. Never again.

Biggest Surprise of 2021?

I've added two books to my all time favourite books this year, books that go beyond five stars for me, and they are 'The Prince And The Dressmaker' by Jen Wang and 'Convenience Store Woman' by Sayaka Murata. Completely different, but both surprisingly incredible stories and just hit me in a way that few books have ever done, I love them both.

New favourite author?

Elizabeth Lim. This author is just delivering the incredible books each time. 'Spin The Dawn' is so good, brilliant and original fantasy that I just fell into with such ease, it was like the literary version of a warm bath. And then I got lucky enough to get an ARC of 'Six Crimson Cranes' and that books is elegance in book form. I will read whatever she writes now.

Newest Fictional Crush?

Torn between Ead from 'Priory..' and Takkan from 'Six Crimson Cranes'.

Newest favourite character?

Zhu Yuanzhang from 'She Who Became The Sun'. A just incredible book and the character, amazing, out of this world, brilliant, genius..

Book That Made You Cry.

The Priory Of The Orange Tree. So few books break my emotional barriers, but that book, I was invested. There's 800 pages of character development here, you're going to cry.

Most Beautiful Book I've bought this year?

I got it from the library, and it's on my TBR right now, but I think it's probably 'Where The River Runs Gold' by Sita Brahmachari. The script, the artwork of the cover, it's gorgeous.

What books do you need to read before the end of the year?

Well, none, but I'd like to shorten my owned TBR on goodreads. There are currently eleven books that I own and not read on it and I would like to shimmy some of them off that list. Particularly 'Vengeful' and 'The Raven Boys'.

Favourite Book Community Members?

You guys of course. So many followers. It's thanks to you, I get to get ARCs of new books and they send me copies, it's thanks to you, I keep reading and want to share my thoughts and it's thanks to you I keep myself accountable with my mental health. I appreciate you.

Youtube wise, Book Browsing blog, booksandlala, spoopyhol, uncarley and Jack Edwards mostly.

Let me know what your favourite books are so far this year!

Vee xo.

[sparklyjojos]

hey i sent you an ask but internet problematic here so i dunno if it was sent? As someone with no experience with neurodivergent people i was hoping you could elaborate what you have previously said about Kars in JORGE JOESTAR (and other characters maybe) seeming neurodivergent. Like, i'd love to know your headcanons about jojo characters regarding this, as well as reasoning for the headcanon's (optional, but i'd love it)

(wow this one sure took me a long time to answer, sorry!)

oh boy, this would be an extremely long post if I included all other jojo characters I headcanon as nd so I’m just going to focus on Jorge (the Japanese one) and novel Kars for now

this won’t be a “this character definitely has x thing”, but just pointing out traits and dialogue that may interest someone who wants to headcanon/write these characters as nd

am I going to be reaching with some of those? yep! but if the Jorge Joestar novel itself taught me anything, it’s that:

so, you know. I see what I wanna see.

(tw: mental illness, trauma, ptsd, suicide - all in the Kars segment)

Jorge:

 – the sheer difference in introductions is telling: English Jorge talks at length about his family, his classmates, his gay puppy crush, and anything else you’d expect to be major concerns for a kid. Japanese Jorge? social life haha what social life, HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR 10 PAGES OF PUZZLE SOLVING

 – no really if the very first thing someone says after seeing all your memories is that you sure spend a lot of time on puzzles then that’s some deep interest you have, a bit of a stereotypical hobby there but whatevs

 – hyperfocuses a lot??

 – (exasperated Kars who’s been trying to get his attention for a good minute:) “You have a bad habit of not hearing when people speak to you.” (Jorge:) “Yeah, if I’m focused on something else. Sorry. What?”

 – tunes out of one phone conversation with Bruno like 3 times

 – figures out how time-based Stands work specifically because he has experience with his internal sense of time getting royally fucked up whenever he’s deeply focused

 – was inattentive (and hyperactive?) as a young kid to the point it affects how the memories on his disc look like: “I was a fidgety child, and the image rarely focused on [Joseph] for long. I wasn’t interested in his story.”

 – visual thinker, good with patterns, can make complicated mental maps and solve slide puzzles in his mind

 – his memory is really good until it isn’t (as far as he’s concerned Funny Valentine’s Stand is called Dirty Whatever)

 – very particular about meanings of words and names, etymology (his arc starts and ends with him pondering over the kanji of his own name, knows latin names of various species like Hydrangea or Ursus maritimus and what they mean literally, that “sorry that name’s taken” line when Rohan calls something a Beyond, etc)

 – doesn’t like (is distressed by?) clutter and things/details being WRONG. (“If details don’t add up right I get agitated, and start searching for a better way. This trait has lead to my room being very clean, and made me a great detective.”)

 – infodumps to Rohan about polar bears of all things, and there’s a moment when he stops talking almost mid-sentence after mentioning they’re called Ursus maritinus and instead of speaking out loud he just thinks to himself that “The scientific name was given by John Phipps in 1774” as if he just realized that’d be Too Much detail to share, I feel you Jorge

 – (after Erina says he has a characteristic soft smile) “I do? I mean, I guess people do say I look like an idiot.”  

 – gets urges to laugh at very bad times (”Cars’ whispered response had an air of such grim realism that I almost started laughing, but he was watching me suspiciously. Whoops.”)

 – sometimes blurts out things, often fails one-liners, even when he pre-plans what he’s going to say something else may come out (“I’d thought of all kinds of things to say, but what actually popped out in that moment? (…) I have no idea what I meant by that last bit but I said what I said and had to live with it.”)

 – sometimes impulsive, like yeah let’s just get up in the middle of the night and search through a 10 km^2 area on a bike for something unprecised while you have several death threats to your name, this can’t possibly backfire

 – (after Jorge quite literally blows himself up by impulsive carelessness) “Cars was still laughing. “You really don’t think things through.“”

 – small point that’s made moot by paranormal things like that being real in the jojoverse, but his tendency to see signs and messages meant for him everywhere and in every event, and insisting on coincidences not being mere synchronicity gives off a different vibe than intended (at least at the beginning before he knows Stands and Beyonds are a thing)

Kars:

 – honestly I could just slap the definition of “neurodivergent = with their brain functioning differently from what’s seen as ‘normal’ in the population” here and point at his backstory in this book and be done with it

 – remember everything I’m writing is on top of his canon image of an asocial genius scientist with poor affect (or, in the anime, varying between stone face and painfully exaggerated expressions) who has a connection with nature and animals, which I guess can? be seen as some type of autistic coding (unfortunately in this case it dovetails into “a loner with autistic traits = snaps and kills everyone” type of coding sooo maybe let’s not go there)

 – novel Kars talks about how when he was younger he didn’t even know that feeling sympathy and wanting to have emotional attachments with others –was a thing– (apparently his race wasn’t capable of it??), and he had to sorta consciously try to understand and learn it through reading human fiction. It came off to me like he relates better to fictional characters (and maybe animals?) than to his race or humans, too

 - ^^(that backstory’s a bit unclear with how it’s told; either just like his race he doesn’t have the drive for social bonding, empathy etc. and his understanding of others is made purely on the intellectual level - that’s relatable for some nd people - or he DOES have those things in a drastic difference from everyone else of his race, which I guess makes him nd by definition. It’s… complicated.)

– on the topic of “consciously learning how to sympathy” - there’s a few times in the novel when he’s a prick not because he wants to be but because he genuinely doesn’t understand why the other person would be upset (”Cars, sorry, but can you put me back at my old height?” “?…isn’t the view better?”), but if that person explains how the thing is upsetting he then backs off like “oh okay” (when Jorge is disturbed about the women’s heads thing - “Yeah. But I just feel sorry for them. I can’t watch this.” - Kars just goes “I see.” and makes them disappear). He still has to work on the “taking your private memories without asking” issue tho

 – that moment in the backstory where Kars became deeply aware of just how flawed and “not up to own potential” he was which launched him straight into unhealthy perfectionism and desire for control and power as a way of dealing with it? relatable

 – and that thing where him becoming much more chill is preceeded by the realization that he can’t ever - and that he doesn’t have to - become an infinitely perfect being without weaknesses, and that he’d still have worth and meaning even when he’s not performing to some ridiculous self-imposed standards?? GREAT, and I love to see lines like this one coming from him: “Cars smiled. “I have no desire to be the leadingman.””

 – he talks about how traumatic events and your emotional reactions to them (“feeling like you’re dying”) can damage your soul. Since he claims to have experience determining soul damage, and the only souls he worked with before belonged to 36 other Karses, we can assume he’s talking about himself as well. (and it’s kinda obvious that having everyone you love die in

 – ^^^also worth noting that even if Kars knew a lot about brains biology-wise, he missed out on practically all of modern psychology after 1939, so of course the way he relates to trauma and mental illness would be different, and more informed by what he learned having spent most of his life around ancient civilizations in the Americas - the concept of soul loss. And it’s not like the book doesn’t wink towards it in other places (English Jorge dissociating during torture is described as him having learned how to remove his soul from his body)

 – Light Dancer Kars speaks about how he wanted to commit suicide, then in the same paragraph says that he and our Kars feel “the same sadness”, which, wow. Earlier there are scenes where you can interpret Kars’s behaviour as passively suicidal; he doesn’t seek death, but if something (burning upon reentry while saving the humans, fighting Dio) did kill him, he wouldn’t mind that much

 – this one is very subjective because you can interpret these moments as just him being very lost in thought / focusing on healing (Jorge sure does), but: when faced with intense emotional stress - like hearing Light Dancer Kars’s existential speech, or almost getting killed because he chose to shield the humans from harm - Kars has a tendency to go non- or barely verbal, motionless, unresponsive to outside stimuli (including people trying to get his attention by calling his name) and staring at one thing / into space, ignoring even a zombie attack or that they’re pressed on time in alternate!Morioh. When I first read it I assumed he just dissociated really hard (ptsd-related?), or was in a shutdown

 – if you pay attention to what traits Kars seems to be holding in high regards - either through saying that X is a good thing about humanity, or bemoaning that humanity doesn’t have X (that he ofc does) - they’re stuff like creativity, perseverance, attention to details, pattern-based thinking, the desire to “figure stuff out”, and good memory. AKA traits often (though not always) increased in autistic people

 - at one point he says: ”In the end, you’re just another human. You see a mystery and think, ‘How odd!’ and put in on a shelf somewhere.” I’m sorry but even in context it sounds like “apparently people can see an interesting thing without instantly getting fixated and wanting to know and understand everything about it right there and then, what the fuck”

 – he tends to be either very invested in what’s going on or bored, no inbetween, and avoiding that boredom is a high priority (”And it seems I’ve run out of time to eat you all… But I wasn’t bored.”)

um yeah that’s all I can think of rn