#I'd lie if i said some dear old bad thought haven't been crossing my mind lately but

[omarfor-orchestra]

Stop

[septembersghost]

I followed you back when you were saferincages and when you didn’t post through the whole pandemic I feared the worst. I’m so relieved to have dug a little deeper and found you here on a new blog instead! I wish you all the best—your gentleness and kind words are a precious rarity in the world

hello lovely! I remember you, of course (I remember all my mutuals!!! 💕), and I hope you don't mind me answering this publicly - I've been holding onto it for a couple of days, partially because I was overwhelmed by how dear this is, and partially because I've been trying to sort out what to say.

the pandemic's primary effect has been to take me from "mostly" homebound to completely homebound (I've mentioned this in passing, but I haven't gone anywhere - except the 60 some-odd feet from my room to the kitchen/living room - since December 31, 2019 when I left a physical therapy session) because it's too risky for me to go out with my immune system like it is, and my illness issues have been bad enough that we're not sure how well I'd do with the vaccine (my mom luckily got hers). we are in a fairly dire situation now that I also haven't spoken about publicly and I'm not sure...what's going to happen to us. it is precarious and, in all honesty, scary every day. I haven't said anything because I don't want to burden everyone with it, but avoiding it entirely in response to this felt like a lie by omission.

I'm deeply sorry that you, or anyone, were worried, and I can never tell you how much it means to me to be remembered, I'm so grateful to all the paths that have crossed mine here on Tumblr with such incredible thoughtfulness and warmth. I did not announce I came back on saferincages because I never expected or really intended to be here long, and it felt very unfair to tell 1000+ people I was here for such a short moment. I assumed when I came here in early November that I'd only be back for a few weeks at the longest, maybe through Christmas, and this blog was just a place to be hyper-fixated mostly on one particular topic (something I tried my best not to do on my old blog, not that I always managed that 😂) before I faded back into the ether. happenstance gave me the grace of more time than I expected, though I'm not sure how much of it I now have left. the reason why I didn't post on saferincages is due to this, because it grieves me terribly to have come back only to have to inevitably leave again (my mom and I have had some minor disagreements on this because she thinks it wasn't wise or entirely considerate of me to re-establish any connections with the awareness that it was temporary). that said, I can't imagine having made it through the past few months without the comfort and friendship of this little corner here, but still, I feel a sense of guilt that it's not more permanent. I also can't imagine having survived through the many years I did on my old blog(s) without the light and care I was shown by so many amazing people like you.

I hope you're doing well and finding joy and solace through everything, and that you know how valuable your kindness is too.

thank you so much for remembering me, and for sending me this sweet message, I cherish and am touched by things like this more than I can say, and enfold them into my heart always.