#I'd been self sabotaging for both selfish and selfless reasons
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damn my childhood churches really did instill a deeply-rooted martyr complex and near-suicidal ideation in me from a young age huh?
#had another breakthru in therapy today#I'd been self sabotaging for both selfish and selfless reasons#seeing myself as a savior who would be just as strong as christ on the cross#if I got bad enough to collapse it would be okay#because it wouldn't be my fault. it was too much on me#otherwise I just didn't have enough faith and everything bad *was* my fault#I didn't want to get better because I didn't want to things to be my fault anymore#I'm already carrying too much#but these things weren't my fault anyway#ex christian#religious trauma#suicide tw
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