#I'd argue it's more that it's very acceptable to rag on something & feels fun. so people get in a loop of just that

[emdotcom]

The reason people are really negative about things they "supposedly" like is because it turns out it's really easy to complain. It's too spicy; it feels to scratchy; the sound is grating -- these explain pretty quickly when something feels "off" or "bad," to the point that somebody who likes what you're describing will understand what you don't like, even if they think that it tastes/feels/sounds fine.

Meanwhile, on the other end, if you like something, it's a bit harder to convey why to others -- it tastes good; it feels nice; I like how it sounds -- if you're talking to somebody who already dislikes what you're describing, who has already decided it tastes/feels/sounds bad, they don't really get why you like the thing they've written off.

Just like most of conversing it's a muscle you have to work. You can get better at complimenting the things you like, & you can eventually convey the why & how.

Furthermore, there's nothing wrong with pointing out what you don't like in something you care about. Unfortunately, to people who can't see in your head, when they exclusively hear you gripe about something & rarely (if ever) compliment it, it comes across that you don't like it at all & wraps around to "There's no way this person will ever have fun when this thing is involved," or "Why do they talk about this so much? They clearly can't stand it."

This is not telling you to not complain -- complaining rocks, so keep on complaining. But you've got to learn how to talk positively about the things you like with other people around, because as fun as being a hater is, it kinda makes you a drag to be around when it's all you are.

[artificii-in-ceata]

Fireworks in the Fog

Chapter 3

New Year's Eve

Mădălina woke up the next morning much calmer than on the previous day, trying to process what happened. She thought that she made too much of a fool of herself and that Laurențiu will judge her, but then she remembered that he, among other things, gave her a personalised mug, told her that her words "touched his heart", and by end of the evening he offered his jacket so that she wouldn't be cold. And she refused! She was this close to having a moment like in romance movies! She covered her face in shame and sighed. She then went to the kitchen, where her brother was, drinking coffee and holding his head. He looked at her, worried, once he saw her.

"I'm very sorry for the whole deal last night."

"You'd better feel sorry! On top of drinking, you meddle in my business!"

"I didn't want to be that mean, I swear!"

"But you wanted to be just a little mean, be honest!"

"Well, it does bother me that you're keeping everything a secret from me nowadays. Back then you used to tell me everything..."

"And the reasons are too obvious. I didn't even have anything to keep a secret now; it's not like I'm officially dating Laurențiu. But if you ruin my chances with him, I'll never forgive you."

"Why so drastic?!"

"You publicly humiliated me, 'that's all'."

"Excuse me but the comment about the exes is objectively true."

"I see that you're still an ass. Would you like it if I talked like that about you, that you throw your girlfriends away like rags¹?"

"You do know the circumstances for every instance!"

"And you know mine. I would never gossip about you to your girlfriend. I would possibly warn her that you're an alcoholic."

"How can you talk like that?! I'm not an alcoholic! I lead a stable life, I work and efficiently, at that. It's just that I have fun on weekends like everyone does. There's nobody stopping you from hitting the clubs with your rockers."

"No, thank you, I've seen that it's not worth it. I'd rather not burn through all my brain cells by the age of 40. By the way, it doesn't count if you don't drink for 5 days a week but the other two you drink enough to cover the others. I have told you that you'd be much better off if you saw a therapist or something."

"I can accept Teo telling me sermons, but I won't let you. I don't tolerate hypocrisy. When was the last time you, for instance, went to therapy or tried to sort out your issues any other way than hiding from them?"

"I don't want to hear it!"

"At least I'm not antisocial like you; I have a large group of friends."

"With friends like yours, I'd rather be 'antisocial'..."

"Very well then, but know that I planned to spend new year's eve with them long ago."

"You never learn your lesson!" she got angry and left.

__

The same day, Laurențiu was texting Andriy about the previous day.

"This does sound like a date. I knew it." he laughed

"Not really, not in the true sense... there was quite a scandal yesterday because her brother got drunk..."

"Oh my God!¹"

Andriy was quite disturbed to learn this.

"Was he in any way violent?"

"No, but Mădălina had a fight with him. The situation sorted itself out, as it were, but Mădălina was very upset."

"I can imagine... I'm sorry this happened..."

"The bright side is that I got along well with her, at least. I tried to encourage her as much as possible."

"I'm sure she appreciated that!" Andriy said in a last message, then left, being busy.

Later that day, Laurențiu was finishing his work on the computer for the day, also working from home so as to have more free days later on. It was about then that Mădălina called him, and he answered not knowing what to expect.

"Hi! I hope I'm not interrupting anything!"

"Ah, no, of course not" he said, closing the lid of the laptop. "How are you? Are you feeling better today?"

"Yes. Teodora went home after she helped me helped me clean up. I argued with Tiberiu a little bit this morning, but at least he tried to apologise. I hope that you didn't feel humiliated."

"No, no! I was rather confused. But forget this, let's see the bright side in this whole situation!"

"You're right... say, what are your plans this new year's eve?

"None, at most, going to the city centre to see the fireworks. If you guys want to invite me, I would come again."

"We don't have any plans together for the new year. In fact, Teodora is seeing her church group; there's no point in my meddling in her business. Tiberiu, obviously, is inviting his squad, and I want absolutely nothing to do with his parties. Practically, I have no plans either. I was thinking of spending it with you."

"I would be very glad!" he said, surprised. "Where shall we meet, and at what time?"

"In the city centre at... I don't know, about eight, nine?"

"Sure! I'll see you then."

"I can't wait!" she said, excited.

It became very clear to Laurențiu that, this time, the invitation was for a romantic date. If he had any doubts regarding this before, now, her attitude when inviting him to meet on new year's eve, combined with the attitude she had throughout the Christmas dinner, completely convinced him that she reciprocated his feelings.

__

It was now new year's eve. Laurențiu went to wait for Mădălina outside her apartment building. She came very soon after he called her, but in the meantime about three people entered the building, one after another.

"Tiberiu's guests are already arriving." She explained. "That's why I set such an early hour for the date."

"I understand. Do you want to go to any particular place until the firework display starts?"

"No, I'm not hungry. Neither am I in the mood of spending my new year in a club or something like that; if I did, I'd have stayed with my brother."

"I used to go, too, but it's rather stressful to me now, when there's so many people huddled together. You cannot hear anybody talking due to the noise... if only they at least played good music..."

"Now that you mention that, I was thinking that there's no point in staying here for whatever concert they have prepared. Although I know there will be a laser show later. Let's see what's in the centre now, but we don't necessarily have to return later."

"You're right, there's no point in us coming to the centre at midnight. The fireworks can be seen well from afar, too. For example, the entire city panorama is visible from uphill."

Mădălina smiled. The two began strolling on the small streets, towards the centre. The decorative lights that hung between the old buildings were shining like fireflies in a summer night. Indeed, there was neither any snow, nor was it extremely cold. The night sky was a cloudless, clear black. The yellowish lights lit up the small street like during daylight. The couples in the background were taking photos together by the walls of the old buildings, on which there were some graffities. Mădălina went ahead slightly, stepping with her boots on the cobblestone. She was wearing a long, brown, military style coat, and a Soviet style hat. Her long, blonde hair glimmered under the reflection of the lights above. She stopped and turned back.

"Can't catch up?"

"I can, but I just stood for a while to admire the installations." he answered.

His cheeks were red, though it was not very cold outside.

"It's very beautiful indeed!"

They strolled a bit around the city centre, just to see the light installations. They sat down for a moment to drink coffee before heading off again.

"Only in this city will you see a communist themed pub less than 20 metres away from the monument dedicated to the victims of the revolution..." he commented.

"You can imagine that it's only for the aesthetics. Look at my clothes, for example" she smiled.

"I know; I can imagine that it's mostly as a joke, but it's still weird. I believe that history should not become a kitsch. In other countries, making light of a past dictatorial regime like that wouldn't be allowed."

"I agree, actually, don't misunderstand me. There's no point in denying history; we cannot change the past, anyway. Even if we make light of our sorrows², that's still a starting point for learning historical facts. I took this hat because it was the warmest I had, but I see that it's not that cold. Dad had gotten it from Moldova. The coat I found at a thrift store; lately I've been collecting vintage clothes and items. At any rate, I am of the opinion that clothes don't have moral value; every era has its wrongs. Getting dressed a certain way doesn't necessarily show your support of those times. Obviously, it must not come to kitsch... I have always been interested in history. Lately I've started reading about the history of communism."

"I think I understand where you're getting at. Indeed, anything can be a starting point for discussion. And yes, there is a difference between aesthetics and ideology. Anyway, all of these bars seem in bad taste to me, in general. But do continue what you wanted to say."

"One of the reasons why I'm interested in history, especially that of the last 50 years, is that it demonstrates how people have always had the same problems. Back then, other people lived in the apartment in which I live now. They had their own fair share of joy and sorrow. Some family members died, some were born. They painted the walls another colour than the one that was before they moved in. They placed wooden floorboards on top of the old ones, making the floor creak. The old curtains had a doily-like embroidery. The old carpet had holes in it from the pegs of the wardrobes. The doorframe had knife marks on it, indicating the height of the children. The table had coffee stains. A spider web stuck to the light fixture on the ceiling, and the old windows made flower like frost patterns when it was freezing cold. Even after we bought the apartment, and the owners, who wanted to go abroad, took their last things, we still found traces of their time spent there. A sketch of the room plan behind the wardrobe. An old banknote behind the bed frame. A recipe on a paper sheet in the corner of the shelf in the pantry. I know that sometimes, the nostalgia that young people like us have for times like those is completely unjustified, especially if they ignore, or, worse, fetishise the political aspect. But I'm glad to live in that old building. The ones from those times were people too. The thought that human experiences connect all of us across decades, centuries and millenia makes me feel like I'm not alone. That is why I love history."

Laurențiu was listening to her more and more eagerly. He was pondering her words during their ensuing walk. They went to the park, strolling by the lake shore, seeing the lights reflected in it. Tens of generations, probably walked by this lake and admired it. Getting out of the park, they crossed a bridge above the river; the railings were full of locks. He knew that those would be removed soon after being placed there; however, tens of couples felt the need to partake in this collective gesture, as if to say they are not the only ones who love. They began walking uphill, on its side, step by step on a staircase. The two had been taking all of this time, about all sorts of topics, but every now and again, he was thinking about their conversation on history. Having finally reached the top, the city was visible in its entirety, from a distance, the lights again seeming like fireflies. There were plenty of other people on the top of the hill, but even more in the centre, or scattered throughout the city.

It was only then that they took a moment of respite, so as to take photos. They sat down, looking at the panorama and waiting for midnight. They had firework candles with them, which they lit five minutes before midnight. They gazed admiringly at the sparks, their eyes shining by reflecting their light. Far away, there were some fireworks before the time came, but when it turned twelve sharp, the others shouted "happy new year!" and opened their champagnes. The most fireworks, organised there for this purpose, could be seen above the church in the centre, but in each part of the city, people fired their own. The moment was wonderful, seeped in colour. Above that, it was a clear expression of human experience, shared by so many strangers, some at several kilometres distance from each other. Laurențiu was glad that he was never truly alone, and that many go through what he's going through, and that they're united by their experiences, without realising it. He now held Mădălina's hand even tighter. He was even more glad that he was not alone, from a less abstract point of view, either. He finally had somebody to understand him right by his side.

"Thank you for inviting me!" he told her looking her in the eyes.

"I'm so glad you came!" she replied, smiling with her entire expression.

The majority of the fireworks had finished, but some, scattered, still fired by about one o'clock. The people that were with them on the hill began to leave for home one by one. Laurențiu and Mădălina headed downhill, without a hurry, back towards the city centre. They took some pies and left. It was quiet, aside from what could be heard through the ground floor windows, and the firecrackers that some threw out. The two were walking on narrow streets, between the small neighbourhood apartment buildings. It was much darker here, but but many windows were decorated with colourful lights. Laurențiu showed her where he lived, but only in passing. They strolled for quite a long time through the neighbourhoods, on narrower and wider streets, which lead to the main streets or to some park, between the parked cars and between the trees. Sometimes, muffled music could still be heard, and the sound of firecrackers occasionally interrupted the silence. They reached a paved parking lot; it was in front of her block.

"Even if we stop walking, I'd like to stay outside some more. I was intending to stay awake all night."

"Where? There is no bench nearby."

"That's a surprise!" she smiled playfully.

She lead him inside, where they went upstairs to the top floor, then, on the emergency ladder, on the roof. They sat down.

"Are you sure nobody is going to see us?"

"They're all either inside or in the club right now."

"Except for us, for example..."

They lit a cigarette each and sat in silence for the following few moments, watching the neighbourhood from the rooftop. As opposed to the buildings in the city centre, these were mere blocks from the time of communism. Taller and more well lit buildings were visible in the distance, but through the windows of these blocks, too, light could be seen, and others only had some decorative lights on the outside. Here and there firecrackers could be heard.

"What do you usually do for new year's eve?" She asked him.

"Nothing special. Ever since I came here, I had nobody to celebrate with, so I did what I always do, namely played games on the computer. The majority on the server are in the same timezone, so I knew when midnight was when they would start wishing each other a happy new year."

"I get what you're saying. Normally I would celebrate with Teodora and Tiberiu, but this is, obviously, not possible anymore as of late. Last year on new year's eve I literally just lay in bed scrolling on my phone. I didn't even get to read, as I had planned. But don't mind that. I'm in a much better place, as you can see. You too, front what I can see."

"Yeah, absolutely. I'm so glad we spent Christmas and the New Year together. And this date in and of itself is a unique experience."

"What exactly? Did you not stroll around the city by yourself? Have you never climbed up a roof? You were too good of a child, I swear..."

"That's true." he said, cynically.

"I was not picking on you, just so you know! I'm saying this just because, for me and my brother, such things were like a sort of tradition. We used to do everything together. Until not long ago, we used to sit on this very rooftop and talk. No special occasion, we just did... you understand, obviously, why this is impossible now..."

"Are you scared of him? Has he ever been violent? What can I help you with?"

"Believe me, he couldn't hurt a fly. He's rather self-destructive. I'm not afraid of him; maybe he is of me. But I feel absolutely betrayed: it's like he became somebody else! We were the closest friends before, but ever since he got the squad he has now, he got completely ruined. We no longer have anything in common now, though back in the day I could share anything with him. He tells me I changed too..."

Laurențiu placed his hand on her shoulder, trying to encourage her.

"Oh my, I said too much! Don't mind me, please. That's just how I am, rather negative..."

"We all need to vent sometimes... I'm sorry you're going through these family conflicts..."

"I'm sorry you don't get along with your folks either..."

"That's just how it is..." he avoided the subject.

Some more time passed, the two continuing to talk in the meantime. They were both yawning. At some point, he was talking and he noticed that Mădălina leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Did you fall asleep?"

"What? No, no! I was just resting my eyes!"

He smiled.

"It's already morning."

"But there's a long time until the sun rises" she said. "I love the cold air, it's refreshing."

"Careful not to catch a cold! You should go inside."

"I am used to going out like this by myself, don't worry!"

"Aren't you quite lonely³ like that, especially during the night?"

"Right now, for example, I'm not." She glanced at him encouragingly.

They descended towards her floor. Mădălina turned her key in to open the door, but it was still locked. She rang and Tiberiu answered the door. It seemed like most of the guests had left.

"Mădă, you came back home!" he said, leaning against the doorframe to maintain balance.

"Yes, I'm home now. Go to sleep now; I doubt that you stayed awake just to wait for me"

"I'll let you know that I hadn't realised... where you were... and for a moment... I panicked... and I was saying to myself... she's gone!... But I remembered that... you were with your boyfriend..." he said incoherently.

"Yes, I was with my boyfriend. We walked around the city and looked and the fireworks." She answered, trying to appear stoic.

"How nice... Good for you that you... had fun..."

Laurențiu bid her goodbye, and let go of her hand, both of them hesitating. She also said goodbye and closed the door. He went home by foot, sending Mădălina a message when he arrived, and also to ask her whether she was alright. She had fallen asleep in the meantime. Seeing that he got no answer, he also went to bed, falling asleep almost immediately. The whole experience seemed surreal to him. But, if it was only a dream, at least it was a pleasant one.

______

Translation notes:

¹ literally: change them like socks. The focus in the original idiom is less on the cruelty of the throwing away, and more on the frequency

² in Romanian "haz de necaz" (rhyming idiom), literally "laughter about trouble", is an extremely common saying, as well as a central aspect of Romanian mentality, namely dark humour as a coping mechanism.

³ literally: isn't it "ugly" (=bad) to you. An idiom that refers to the uncomfortable feeling (usually fear, but also unease, loneliness or a liminal like feeling) when alone. It does not refer to actual loneliness.