#I'M COUNTING THEM AS A GIFT EVEN IF I SPENT REAL LIFE DOLLARS ON THESE BAD BOYS

[marclef]

VERY GOOD WONDERFUL EYHM SPRITES COURTESY OF @gabaobab!!!

look at my cat now.

[violetsystems]

#personal

For however many ever years I first started journaling weekly, this has been my main spot to hang out on the internet. I deactivated my twitter around the same time as my Facebook and Instagram. I just recently on a whim reactivated the "Meta" portion to make sure I still looked alive. I was also locked out of it for a long period of time due to my old job. I have the gift of hindsight to realize that in terms of credible social network presences I'm not really important enough to notice. This is half true. I've been doxxed from infinity and beyond yet nobody can seem to acknowledge I have rights to pursue happiness. But as far as highlight reels, all the screenshots from any social media site eventually show up down here anyway. Sometimes it even originates from here. I've spent years trying to "break through" whatever wall people haphazardly slap on your social mobility in America. I travelled the world by myself. I successfully hooked up musical performances in Korea, Japan and even that one time in New Zealand. Nobody remembers me to my face. I log onto Facebook and the shell accounts that followed me over the years' birthdays are more relevant than people I actually have met in the flesh. If you want easily definable, quantitive examples of social interaction, these bigger sites are your cup of tea. And behind the scenes you pay the price for interacting with a publicly tradable company. These ecosystems wouldn't exist if it weren't for us feeding them. I've fed my own chum out into the digital ocean down here but mostly it has attracted like minded sharks. Hiroshi Fujiwara once said that revivals were permanently dead because of the internet. People connect and find what they want now. Nothing ever dies or becomes irrelevant. That is unless somebody thinks it's competition. Then companies, rich people, and the petty alike all find some way to harsh the vibe. This is why we can't have nice things. Or admit to them publicly. I've kind of solved that problem through whatever obsolescence was planned out for me. I can tell everyone in good faith that while I made almost four dollars for releasing a free mixtape, nobody really wants to acknowledge me other than the various urls in my dash. It's not verifiable other than how it makes me feel. I can't brag about it to anyone because everyone pretends I'm not good enough to exist in real life. So I feel a lot like I've been derezzed in some Tron sense only to be resurrected by the billionaires up top fighting amongst each other. Whatever exodus isn't really evident in my dash. It's all the same people I've hung out with for years. And for the most part it feels warm enough that I don't try to ruffle the blanket's placing in my final resting place.

It gets worse when you count what I do on LinkedIn. I do think if you use these sites it should give you something back. I still look for jobs. Sadly the jobs that LinkedIn suggests often follow me around in the downtown area in logo'd shirts like I'm in an open air slave market (JLL I'm looking squarely at you.) The way the data is used isn't respected at all. In fact, Facebook recently noted that they don't really know what goes on with half the data out there they salvage from your digital detritus. In the case of Twitter's buyout as we've seen with Epic Games and Bandcamp, the new management has great ideas of monetizing the platform for more profit. This means often that whatever you contribute to it will be used to generate revenue for people that own the platform and not you. In the case of twitter, I've read there is speculation that what comes with free speech is also for profit free speech monitoring by local law enforcement. That is to say that some of what you say loops back into a system for reporting you for saying some too spicy shit. This is beyond organic detective work. I shudder to think that the FBI has to read all these paragraphs in retrospect to get a clue as to what I'm about. Their reading comprehension isn't that good. I should know because I'm still in the same situation I've been in for years now. Or it's that nobody really pays attention to what I say down here except people involved in some elaborate plot to talk shit about me. We're talking a direct hot line when you threaten that jerk next door and brag about it. A hellsite you have to dig through versus a snitch informant that lulls you into speaking your mind and sells your case off to the highest bidder. Sounding farfetched? Chicago police did this with shotspotter, a public traded company that reports gunshots fired and maps them algorithmically. Often these noises lead to police deployments in areas that are predominantly populated by people of color. It takes a lot of man hours from police to spend years reading my love letters to my girlfriend and do absolutely nothing but set up cop houses around you. You figure if that had been happening over the years, there'd be oversight and some scandal. But mostly people just accept I'm down here married to an elder of the Matrix. Even if people weaponized ad content against the world heritage lore of my existence, I pay for ad free to ignore the shit. So all I really feel down here is like I'm hanging out in a VIP booth in a noisy ass club with my friends.

That being said, loose lips sink ships as they say. Pardon that awful pun. I liken our love to a Naval destroyer. Or a belly chain. However we're all connected it resembles Blockchain more than crypto ever could. What we all share together is very valuable to me. Everywhere else people pretend like I'm not good enough. That I've done something wrong over and over again. Like people in real life know everything there is to know about me. How many times I rub my pee pee in private thinking about the girl I love? How many terpenes I vaped in a glass box surrounded by blankets as to avoid detection from the satellites in the sky? How many pieces of religious art on my porch are measured against a religious belief system I've never shared with anyone? People know too much about each other and do little positive with it. This is to say that Tumblr has been a spot where you can avoid more than detection. You can avoid judgement and expectation. It's a safe space in the sense that we've been shunned for years. Of course many of us worry about people coming down here and "changing the culture." They will steal it for sure. They will pretend it's all about them. And we'll all be flirting with each other's side blogs just the same. I don't think much really changes for us. The only real cottage core there is out there for me is you tucked in beside me in bed. By you I mean something redacted for safety reasons. But you all have come to know what I'm talking about without it getting twisted. Can I even sacrifice that at this point? Nobody literally wants to admit they know who I am. Nobody wants to listen to the story out of my mouth. You could sit here as an X-file and read what I've written and figure out the detective work yourself. And nobody has. Because people out there are only paying attention to themselves on social media. And they've been trained to do so to create more content to be manipulated by. I use Tumblr to have real intimate, human relationships with the people I love that I write to. I use LinkedIn to look for a job. What would I use twitter for? I've heard every douchebag dj friend who pretends I don't exist tell people behind my back that I dropped off. That I need to step up my "social media game." And now it's ironic that somehow this place is more relevant than any of it. It always has been for me. Because I have love here. That's not something I want to snitch on or sell out. It's easy enough to do. Shut my mouth for nine hours and wait for you to speak through my dash. Maybe one day we can shut our mouths together in private. <3 Tim