#I'M BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AGAINNNNNNN
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in my mind kakania would have little to no problem accepting the fact that she is into women. however the thought of her being into isolde is something that would absolutely vex her, i think. while they did start off as casual acquaintances and friends, isolde is still her patient, and to some level kakania winds up being responsible for isolde's wellbeing. with that in mind, kakania can hardly fathom the thought of burdening isolde with her feelings, which she feels absolutely selfish for even indulging in. even if those feelings were to be returned, it still wouldn't put kakania's mind at rest. it still wouldn't be enough to get kakania to convince herself that she's fine with feeling this way. ultimately it's not necessarily internalized homophobia nor societal pressure that troubles her, but rather her own ethical and psychological concerns
it'd be even worse for her if those feelings didn't exactly ... go away even after everything that happened in chapter 6. she'd be overwhelmed with guilt, and think to herself that the best course of action would be to distance herself from isolde, but the most painful part is that even after seeing isolde at her worst, she still can't help but want to love isolde. even after kakania herself had presumably tainted isolde's perception of her. so what if that's what was necessary at the moment. after leaving isolde broken and shattered, how could kakania even dare to think she deserves to love isolde? if it once felt horribly wrong for kakania to be in love with her, everything that has transpired between them only served to make it worse!
#reverse 1999#reverse 1999 kakania#kakania#reverse 1999 isolde#isolde#isokania#I'M BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AGAINNNNNNN#read a few fics i could find on them and it has me thinking again#actually i have been thinking this up for awhile but auauauauaugh yeah#just delving more into kakania in general#i kept thinking of the ship template i filled in#and the fact that she is closer to the “they just killed themselves at the idea of being in love” side than isolde#even though as you all may know#i think she would have been far more accepting of her own sexuality than isolde#idk i just found it a bit funny#BUT IT MAKES SENSE!! IT ALL DOES!!#and that's why i decided to make this post to elaborate#lesbian kakania agenda
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