#I'M A BIOTIC GOD FINALLY

[mamulgogi]

I was almost endgame years old when I learned how to properly play vanguard. I really liked my mattock and claymore man. I was at -93 weight all the time. I didn't know ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ

[dr0p-dead-gorgeous]

Josh Futturman x fem!reader

Warnings: sub!josh,smut , p in v, Premature ejaculation,overstimulation, fem pronouns and anatomy used, use of y/n , not really proofread

You run into a cute,dorky guy at work,

As i wonder about my day, i accidentally bump into a sort of dorky guy. As we both stop and turn to apologize to each other, I notice his name tag reading ‘Futturman, Janitor.’ “I am *so sorry*” the Janitor says before apologizing profusely.”I'm sorry, it's fine really Mr.. Uhh.. Futturman. “Call me Josh, everyone else does” the Janitor says as he blushes a bit. “...Josh, I'm y/n, a vet tech for the possums around here, seen you around a bit, Josh blushes a bit and chuckles“Well…uh…nice to *meet* you, y/n.” Josh says, unsure of what to say."Nice to meet you I gotta go " I say with a sweet smile, Josh smiles back nervously “Of course…uh, you have a nice day y/n.” Josh says before awkwardly attempting to continue on with his day.

(third person pov)

Over the next week’s they talked in passing becoming quick friends

[Cut to Josh taking a break from cleaning the cafeteria and having lunch with her]

You like Video games too! I love playing *Josh blushes a bit, and smiles enthusiastically* “Oh, yeah! You play Biotic Wars?”. “Yeah! I'm on level 50! Lately ive been playing a lot of resident evil though!" 'I love resident evil! M..maybe you could come over to hang out and watch me play sometimes!” Josh suggests nervously "Sounds good! " y/n says ,Josh smiles, clearly very nervous and excited for the first time in a long time having anyone over, especially a girl. His mind races from the surprise of the date and future plans.

‘Wow…someone like *y/n* actually wants to visit my *house*. What am I going to do?’ Josh thinks to himself.*

Josh and y/n later visit his home. Josh nervously opens his door, ushering her to come inside. She walks in, and takes in his space, clearly enjoying his gaming setup and decor.*I love your posters! I have the same one of Tiger by my bed*Josh blushes a bit once again* “Oh…that’s uh…well…” *He points at his gaming console* “Do you wanna see something really cool?” “yeah! “ Josh smiles nervously and turns on his game resident evil. He then proceeds to show Y/n his final boss victory and the end-game content. Y/n is enthralled by the gameplay, clearly impressed by his prowess. “Omg you beat it! I thought it was impossible i've died so many times! "Josh blushes and jumps up exited“Oh my god… I beat it” He seems pleased with himself for completing the game with Y/n present they hug and he spins her around celebrating.He puts her down her hands on his shoulders for a moment they look into each other's eyes. She leans over and whispers “Hey, you’re really cute and charming josh, you know that?” Josh blushes and looks very stunned for a moment; then his face lights up red like a tomato.*Josh blushes a crazy amount as Y/n continues* “If I were to…*maybe*...kiss you right now…would you…be okay with that~?” *Josh’s face is as red as the sun, but he responds* “Uh…Yeah..! I would be okay with that…really!” She slowly leans in and Josh leans in as well. They embrace in a slow and tender kiss. Josh’s cheeks light up red and he blushes. “I think I really like you josh.” Josh’s heart beats as fast as a humming bird’s. He holds Y/n’s face with a shaking hand and looks her right into the eyes. He stares deeply into her own, and gives her another soft kiss. His hands begin to quiver. “Y/n…” Josh stutters, clearly flustered. “Uhh…I think I really like you too…”*Josh leans in to kiss y/n again, this time more passionately, a smile spreading across his face. Their kiss grows more heated, and y/n pulls Josh closer into a tight embrace. She starts to rub his thighs leaning more into him*Josh’s body shivers from the feeling, never having been in this situation before. He starts to feel a little anxious, his breathing increasing slightly. His heart’s beating out of his chest and his face is almost red as an apple. y/n kisses Josh passionately and continues to move her hands over his body. As she does, she begins unbuttoning Josh’s shirt…*Is this ok Josh... Josh’s body is shaking profusely at this point. He nods nervously, unable to communicate with words. y/n pulls him in closer.*y/n pushes her hand onto Josh’s chest, pushing him onto his bed feeling his heart beating rapidly. She looks at Josh with a hungry smile, her mind set on going even further. He begins breathing even faster and slightly heavier.*y/n whispers seductively into Josh’s ear “It’s getting hot in here…” *She unbuttons his shirt the rest of the way, and proceeds to caress his bare chest with a soft kiss. Josh’s mind goes blank and his heart beats out of his chest, unable to form coherent thoughts.*y/n runs her hands over Josh’s chest again, this time moving to his waist and slowly removing his pants. She kisses him again, and whispers once more “Can…can I?”Josh gulps loudly, extremely nervous and unsure of what to do. He responds “Uhh…” Josh’s heart is beating at breakneck speed. All of his blood rushes to his face as his body shakes uncontrollably. He tries pulling himself away Y/n’s seductive voice grows more clear. “Is that a no?” She continues to inch her body closer, clearly still looking to escalate the situation. Josh’s mind goes blank as his heart races. He can’t say anything.

“I can't do anything more if I don't get a yes baby” *Josh’s mouth dries up and he nods frantically* “Y-Yes! Yes please..

”Good boy using your words hun. *Josh’s face lights up red at the fact that Y/n called him “Good boy” and “hun”. He starts to feel a little uncomfortable in his underwear by the level of intimacy, but clearly still aroused by her.* Y/n moves herself closer, taking off her shirt and and skirt left in her Lacey underwear siting on-top of Josh. She bites her lip as she continues.* “Is this okay…?*Josh gulps nervously. His eyes flutter for a moment as he nods, . All of his thoughts disappear and he lets his body take control.**Y/n pulls Josh closer as she grinds herself onto him through his boxers. He gasps slightly with an intense feeling of euphoria and intimacy. His brain goes fully blank and he can’t seem to form any coherent thoughts.**Y/n moves slowly in his lap, her touch being more and more seductive. She leans in to give him another passionate kiss, her lips slowly moving down to his neck as she begins to Seep through her panties. Josh let’s out a whine bucking into her,loving the sweet friction on his fully hard cock. He fumbles with her bra strap before getting it off groping her chest harshly as she let’s out little moans. She lifts up causing Josh to whine in protest, she take off her panties before doing the same for Josh. She lower herself down rubbing herself on Josh, he yelps out from the sudden sensation, shuttering from the pleasure cursing under his breath. She reaches down and takes him in her hand, giving him a few pumps before lining him up with her entrance and slowly sinking down on him.

With a couple thrusts He moans out loudly “ Fuck fuck fuck… y.. Your so t… tight i’m gonna..” He moans almost pornographicly and cums inside her immediately, mortified he begins to apologize “Fuck i’m so sorry! y… your just so pretty and.. and feel so good… this is my first time i-”she shut him up by kissing him and rolling her hips. Continuing to slowly roll her hips she says “ Fuck no it’s ok that was so hot keep moaning like that for me baby wanna fuck you till you cry ”she starts slowly bouncing on his still hard cock as he unraveled a whiney little mess. She fucked herself on his cock hitting the bundle of nerves each time “Thank you.. F.. Fuck …thank you please don't stop riding me like that your so perfect “ she bounced on him each trust dragging against her sensitive walls” fuuuck baby boy you feel so good are you close ““ so..so close please let me cum please, i’ll be a good boy I promise just please let me cum…ahh~”he moaned “Fuck since you moaned so pretty for me baby go ahead and cum baby c'mon” “Fuck, thank you, thank you uhH~” his cum flooded inside her while her walls clamped down around him reaching her climax.She kept going, riding out her orgasm, much to josh's surprise . 'F..fuck Y/n~ its so much!".She finally begins to slow down eventially coming to a complete stop, her hands of his chest as he panted under her.

"That was so good thank you" he said still recovering. She lifted off him with a hiss laying herself down on his chest, his hand immediately wrapping around her to cuddle"You did so well baby" she responded nuzzling her head into him. they sat in comfortable silence holding each other for a couple minutes

"Sooo..next time you want to watch me beat Biotic wars?"

[azranox]

The Beam

The damn truck was hit and we needed to make a run for it. 'Arashu guide us' Thane's absence feels more heavy as I think his prayers. I still myself to the mission. The only thing in my sight was the beam, must get to the beam, I can’t let them all down. I'm Commander Shepard, I can't fail.

We’re running, don’t stop, can’t stop. An elcor in front of me is hit by Harbinger’s beam, ‘Go to the sea’ I think. I keep running. I pass a Geth Prime, and countless others in my sheer focus.

Don’t. Stop. It’s almost a prayer in the intensity of my mind. A mako explodes in front of me, I have to drop prone to not get hit, my head turns against my will, must keep the crew alive, the beam can wait. 'No it can't.' Garrus and Javik are hit.

No, they need to get out of here. They’re the next best hope to defeat the Reapers if I go down.

“Joker, I need an evac, NOW!” I scream over the Normandy comms as I backtrack. Chaos surrounds me as more fall, explosions rock the ground below us.

I help Javik to cover, he can barely stand. I notice it's the Mako that hit them, a bittersweet thing. Protection and pain in one, like me.

I glance up as the comm crackles to life “Cavalry has arrived.” I’ve never been so happy to hear Joker’s voice. Thank the gods, they’ll be safe I hope, no I NEED them to be safe. I tug Javik to the opening shuttle bay, we have so little time. “GO! That’s an order!” I shout

“My place is here Commander!” “Shepard you can’t do this!” They shout in tandem.

“I need someone to get out of this alive, and if this goes south I'll meet y’all at the bar across the sea. Get out of here Joker." I say with finality. I'll find them again, whether in this life or the next.

I turn away as the Normandy lifts off, I can only hope the IFF works and Harbinger is focused on the ground troops running for their lives to the beam. Once more I face death head on. How many times now?

I run, run, run, go, go, go. I can’t stop. I see the beam slowly fill more of my vision, I can’t die yet. I have to open those arms. More fall, both Reaper and ours. to the angry red that flies across the battlefield from the mouth of the creature from my nightmares. It's going to hit me, I react faster than I have since the Alpha Relay, The Collector Base, since Sovereign.

My implant burns my head as I throw every ounce of my biotics into a barrier on the side the beam will hit as I leap to the side.

It burns as it grazes me, my barrier almost falls, flickering, waning as I struggle against the pain. I can only hope it’s enough to save me as I fall.

___________________

The beam comes into focus as I open my eyes, everything hurts, my amp is burnt out, but I’m alive. I see Harbinger flying off as my earpiece rattles to life. ‘Now you will feel pain Harbinger’ I think as the visor of my interface flickers back to life. My vitals are weak but I’ve died and it only pissed me off more.

“They’re all gone, head back and regroup.”

No Coats, I’m not goddamnit. I’ll beat the odds just like I always have, I rise to my feet and stagger to the beam, Mordin's pistol in hand.

[bioticbooty]

Snippet Sunday Wednesday

Tagged by @swaps55 like two weeks ago but my life is a chaos fire!

Since it's not actually Sunday anymore, I'm future tagging @ad-astra13, @cr-noble-writes, @elaadens, and anyone else who wants to have an excuse to post immediately come Sunday morning.

From The Great Rewrite of Crosshairs

---

Ashley blindly sprays bullets behind her as she runs, hoping to god her shields hold till she finds cover.

Everything went to shit over the god forsaken dig-site with the old Prothean beacon. At least, that’s what she thinks she heard the LT, god bless his unlucky soul, call it. She’s not a scientist, she’s a marine.

Right now, she’s a royally screwed marine.

She slams into a rock and rolls behind it for cover, praying to god that the heat sink on her gun cycles in time to lay down cover fire. Her HUD is haywire, Henrick is also dead so there’s no getting her HUD fixed, and it’s just her and what seems like an entire fucking platoon of geth come to wreck shit up on Eden Prime for an old rock. Right now, she fucking hates scientists.

“Come on, baby,” she murmurs as the vents on her gun continue to cycle.

She’s long since run out of grenades.

She hasn’t crapped her heat sink like this since Basic.

Her gun finally cycles, but before she can even swing out to shoot, the sharp crack of a sniper rifle sings through the canyon and Ashley whoops for joy. The geth that had been honing in her rock is dead on the ground, though Ashley puts a bullet in the head for good measure, just as the sniper rifle sings again.

Another geth near her position collapses and a third geth is enveloped in a shimmering field before being unceremoniously hurled over the edge of the cliff.

Between her rifle and the unseen helpers, they make short work of the remaining geth. Sabotage mines, more biotics, and even more cracks of the sniper. The cavalry has arrived!

Two marines file out of the canyon, and Ashley glances behind them to look for the stragglers, but there aren’t any. She’s completely thrown when she returns her gaze back to the two marines and realizes Commander Fucking Shepard, War Hero of the Blitz, is the one in the lead. Fucking Alliance gold standard. And now she’s standing there right in front of Ashley, with a biotic marine watching her flank like nothing’s gonna get past him alive. Considering the pyrotechnic display, Ashley rather believes the marine — the Lieutenant — will put a bullet or a biotic punch in whatever tries to get past him. Nothing’s gonna touch the Commander’s six on his watch.

“Thank you, Commander,” Ashley says by way of greeting. “You pulled my ass out of the fire. Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212.” She glances at the LT again, then salutes the Commander. “Or what’s left of it.”

Shepard dismisses her salute with a casual wave. “Are you wounded, Williams?”

“A few scrapes and bruises. Nothing serious,” she says, and realizes she’s touching the blood on her armor by the way the LT is looking at her. She drops her hands. The blood isn’t hers. “The others… weren’t so lucky.”

“I’m Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko,” the LT says, “let’s get you checked out just in case.”

Ashley nods and let’s the Lieutenant do his thing. Biotic and a medic. Hell of a six to have.

“Is it just you two?” she asks him while he syncs her hardsuit to his, adding her bio-feeds to his HUD.

Alenko nods, but his lips thin momentarily behind his helmet. “Was three,” he says.

The Commander is nowhere to be seen, so Ashley twists and finds her scouting the perimeter, inspecting the downed geth. The Commander stops when she reaches the bend, and Ashley knows precisely what it is she’s looking at. “Dragon’s teeth,” she says.

Alenko looks up at her from his omni-tool. “What?”

Ashley jerks her head towards Shepard. “The Commander just saw the Dragon’s Teeth.”

Alenko will see them soon enough, too. Ashley’s seen too many. And it’s only been two hours since everything began. Two hours ago, she had a unit. Now the whole area’s choked with death and gunfire and Dragon’s Teeth mutilating their dead.

“You’re good, Gunny.”

“Hmm,” she says. “Don’t feel good.”

“No,” Alenko replies after a moment, “nobody would.”

[cru5h-cascades]

Mat3 Heart of a God Character Bio #2: Maya

Probably should have been the first of these bios to come out but I REALLY wanted to get my rework of Zatz's backstory out there (speaking of the prince of rock and roll bats it wasn't until rewatching one of the episodes in Mat3 that I realized they do kinda explain how Zatz lost his eye and now I feel kinda dumb lmao but whatever it's not like I used the OG's series' explaination in my re-imagining anyways so it's fine). Anyways, here's Maya's bio :D

Basically Heart of a God Maya is almost exactly the same as the main series Maya (I thought her story was pretty much perfect so I'm not gonna mess around with her as much as I did with Zatz's) (this will also apply to Chimi's bio and Rico's bio but not Pichu's since I want to change is backstory from what it actually is in the show to something else). Same upbringing, same schick where her parents don't want her to go out fighting and junk BUT Heart of a God Maya's reaction to her demigodhood and her parents not allowing her to be all rough and tough is pretty different from how she reacts to all of this in the main series. Being forbidden from fighting and finding out she's the demigoddess of death at the same time ON HER QUINCENERA is all too much for Maya and really upsets her, so when her parents tell her that she doesn't have to go to the realm of the gods she gets caught up in the moment, gets pissed, and decides to go with Zatz regardless of the fact her parents are more than willing to fight for her.

Upon arrival in the realm of the gods, Maya isn't too happy to be there and doesn't really want to do anything with any of the gods (only to start connecting with her birth mum after a few days), and it doesn't help that until she's fully adjusted to being in the realm of the gods for life, Zatz is basically the BotW Link to her Zelda; she doesn't want to be around the same dude that dragged her to the realm of the gods at first, but over time the two get closer and become lovers towards the events of this re-imagining of the show.

Also, since I don't really feel like the show really gave Maya a god power of her own (we've seen other gods kill other gods so I don't feel like her ability to kill gods is that special), I decided to give Maya a special ability of her own. When extremely provoked or when she wants to protect others, Maya will go into a sort of sugar skull form (similar to the goddess of death) (might make art of this 2nd form sometime in the future) and gain immense strength (this sort of strength makes it easier to kill any sort of biotic lifeform from the mortal realm or gods when she's using a weapon; she doesn't immediately kill everything she touches in this 2nd form because of the weapon rule), create flowers (like the goddess of death), and summon the souls of the dead by using the incantation the goddess of death sings to Maya throughout the main series (I wanted to give that song more significance other than being the thing that brings Maya and the goddess of death together) (the song still brings them together in this re-imagining though btw) to have them fight alongside her or to use the essance of their soul to shapeshift into that person (as long if the soul is willing to do so).

Other info:

To make some more parallels to Maria from the Book of Life (because Maya's reincarnated as her), I wan to emphasize Maya's wide skill set outside of being a great fighter by having her being a bit of a book worm (the goddess of death has a library in her... mansion? palace? her home is what I'm tryna say here. anyways, Maya gets super interested in the library and decides to spend her down time in the library)

Deep down (at the begining of this re-imagining's story), Maya regrets snapping at her parents the way she did but she refuses to acknowledge this feeling (she finally accepts that she was wrong towards the end of the story)

Maya gets pretty damn close to the goddess of death by the end of this re-imagining's story.

[astorythatwritesitself]

pspspsps i'm late but. 3, 8, and 46 for this ask meme pls? hopefully that gives you some direction with your shrios brain, those felt very Them

HAPPY 2AM have the draft of what I wanna do once I eventually get back to playing this game & finally do Lair of The Shadow Broker.

46: shimmer

His memory is faultless, yes - but his perception can be compromised through any number of means. Being pinned underneath a collapsed pillar, for example - pain and fear clouding his thoughts while he struggles not to choke on the dust and debris filling the air around him.

Thane could easily ask, of course. The fight is over, the grit caught in his throat is nothing more than a lingering phantom. The Broker's lair is covered in cameras, doubtless one of them caught what happened-

But he isn't sure he wants to know.

The Broker's taunts, Liara's shouts, the sound of gunfire and countless alarms - so he feels, rather than hears, the Widow's fire just before the Broker's shield shatters-

He wants to pray. Wants to apologize. Wants to weep - yet all he can do is sit by Adrian's bedside in the medbay, tracing the thin latticework of new scars trailing up her arm, marveling at the intricate fractal patterns they form.

Even on the battlefield, her commands come more through the comms than through the volume of her voice. Even before meeting her, he knew Shepard's reputation - firm, yes... but soft-spoken. But as the Broker stumbles, as the station shakes - He sees, dimly, the Widow skittering over the ground. Sees Shepard hurtle forward - and that's when he wonders, if he isn't seeing things right.

She shimmers, like lightning over the sea, and above the din he hears a word - a name, gods help him, her name - in a voice that must be Shepard's.

Or so he thinks - but it could simply be some strange echo in their shared screams.

That's what it must have been, Thane thinks. After all, Shepard's biotics - if they manifested at all - were still incredibly weak, and even at their peak... Warp was never one of her techniques. One of his, yes - that he had tried teaching her, in hopes of reawakening her skills-

No. He had been badly hurt and barely able to breathe, his perception of the fight could be altered - if not entirely fabricated, if he were drifting in and out of consciousness. The scars simply a result of being in proximity of, as Liara's report went, the electrical discharge that ultimately killed the Shadow Broker. Vaporized, to use her exact wording.

Quite sensible - at least, more so than the idea of Shepard-

-clinging to the Shadow Broker, biotics flaring like some holy light as he begins to tear apart, and she is torn in turn.

[clericofshadows]

your name means traitor

Description: Regis boards the Normandy SR-2, makes his stance on Cerberus clear to the crew--new and old--and learns some information about his resurrection. He also reads through the dossiers and finally gets a little bit of good news in his trapped situation.

Pairing: Regis Shepard/Kaidan Alenko, Regis Shepard/Kaidan Alenko/Zaeed Massani (past)

Rating: M

Notes: Regis is one angry bastard in this fic, and honestly, he's like that through the entirety of ME2. So, he's not the most pleasant person in this fic, and targets many different characters in his anger.

Context: Regis talks about his dogtags a lot in this fic. for extra context, check out these fics: late night conversations and you got me in a chokehold.

Cerberus revived the Butcher, so they were going to get the Butcher, his fangs bared and talons sharpened.  

Because the Butcher doesn't play nice when he feels threatened, and Cerberus is about to find out exactly how ruthless he could be. How relentless he can be in his rage.  How far he will go to never bow down. 

Even if it meant dying in such a way that there's no coming back next time. 

Regis will give them exactly what they deserve.  Losing his humanity in the process is just a price he's willing to pay. 

Because Kaidan isn't here to bring him back from the brink. 

He sneered at Lawson once they made it to the CIC, after she and Taylor got him up to speed at all the new features on the Normandy. "This is my goddamn ship, and no one else's.  Get ready for my announcement.  And we'll see if their loyalties truly lie with me. Because if they don't?  I'll welcome them to the airlock."

"Acting like this isn't going to make the situation better.  You should want all the allies you can get,” Lawson said.

Regis laughed sharply. "Then you don't know me at all. You wanted Commander Shepard?  Well, you're also getting the Butcher of Torfan. Should've thought of that before you wielded your scalpel." He pushed back with a bit of biotic power, causing her to stumble and stepped up on the pedestal to the galaxy map. 

EDI was the only thing on this ship he was willing to work with, if only because he was so fascinated by AI. Cerberus likely knew that and was going to exploit it, but he couldn't deny the allure. 

"EDI, open the comms for an announcement."

"Go ahead, Commander."

He cleared his throat. "I will make this clear only once. I am Commander Shepard, you will all refer to me as such. This is my ship. Not Cerberus's, not Lawson's, mine. If you have a problem with that, you are welcome to leave.  I was brought here against my will, and being here is against everything I stand for as a Spectre and as a soldier to the Alliance. I find all of you to be the scum of the Earth, of the fucking galaxy, for choosing this as your ultimate path. I am here for one job only, and that is to deal with this threat any way possible. And if that means tearing down your organization in the process and turning myself and all of you into the Alliance the moment I get a chance?  I'll do it in a fucking heartbeat." He crossed his arms, observing the looks of all the crew members in the CIC, seeing varied expressions. Some angry, some wide-eyed with fear.  The Yeoman next to him almost seemed to shudder when his gaze landed on her. 

He knew he looked inhuman. The red eyes, the deep scars laced with cybernetics, unexpected side effects of whatever they did to bring him back.

He is the result of what happens when you play God. 

"I fought and killed members of your organization two years ago for your heinous crimes you committed against your own species.  Experiments with Rachni, Thresher Maws, and assassination plans against Alliance brass. Don't think I'll discriminate if I think any of you are a threat to me.  This is my mission, and I will carry it out as I see fit. You've bastardized my memory and my ship, and I'll be damned if I don't ensure you all know how far I'm willing to go to get what I want.  Again, you have a problem?  Get the fuck off my ship. Return to your duties.  I don't want to see anyone slacking off.  With me here, this is a military operation, not some civilian private sector bullshit."  He stepped down from the galaxy map and nearly made it to the elevator, but the Yeoman next to him stopped him. 

"Commander, I--"

He cut her off. "I don't want to hear it. I can handle my own communications and messages. Don't make me upload a hack to ensure you can't get your claws in my shit. Stick to your galaxy map monitoring duties, and we won't have any problems."

"I was just going to say I'm here if you want to talk. I'm Kelly Chambers."

"Talk?" He scoffed. "I'm not talking to anyone who's Cerberus. Why the hell would I ever think you would respect confidentiality?"

Regis didn't wait for a reply. She seemed to shrink in on herself, clearly not anticipating his response. 

In another life, he would've felt guilty. 

No more. 

Cerberus ensured that Regis Shepard would never be the same man ever again. 

Lawson joined him on the elevator before it closed. "You should know that no one is going to leave."

He pressed the button for the third deck. "I didn't expect anything different. I wanted them to know my feelings on the matter. I'm an open book like that."

"Even towards your old crew?"

He raised an eyebrow. "They're now Cerberus crew, aren't they?  Joining for me doesn't change anything." 

The elevator doors opened. They stepped off. 

"After I make my rounds on the ship, we're going to have a long talk about my resurrection, Lawson. If you really want me to be a part of this mission without turning in this ship to the Alliance, then maybe you should be forthcoming with the details," Regis said, crossing his arms. 

He fully planned on going straight to the Citadel to talk to Anderson, but something told him that meeting will probably not end in his favor.  Time will tell, but Regis wasn't going to be optimistic. 

None of his meetings with Anderson has ever really ended "well" in his opinion.

"I think you deserve to know that much," she admitted. 

A far cry from her "cold bitch" attitude back on the station.  Regis almost wanted to loosen up a bit. 

Nothing about her behavior seemed like an act at this point.  She genuinely wanted to work with him. 

It's a shame he doesn't want to give her the same courtesy. 

"Then I hope whatever you tell me is the complete truth." Regis ended the conversation by heading towards the medbay. 

Whatever she told him was likely never going to be the full truth, but he had to know. 

He had to know what they did to him.  

Next, Chakwas...

Two members of his crew decided Cerberus was a good idea, and he couldn't fathom why. 

He didn't deserve that level of die-hard loyalty. If he did, he did something wrong.  After everything they saw, all the reports he made, they still joined the organization that willingly hunted down Alliance soldiers and brass. 

The doors to the medbay slid open.  Chakwas was sitting at her desk. "Shepard." She stood up.  "It's good to see you alive after everything."

Regis chose to not take the hand she offered. "I would say the same, but I'd rather not consider my situation good in any way whatsoever."

She sighed. "Then it's about Cerberus."

"Why did you think joining them was in any way a good idea?  After everything we saw?" Regis asked, crossing his arms. 

"After the Normandy was lost, everyone was reassigned.  I was stationed at a medical center on Mars. A respectable position, but not a starship," she explained. 

Regis narrowed his eyes. "So you threw everything away for a starship position?"

"I'm working for you, Shepard. Not Cerberus. A mission that could be crucial for our survival," she said, not rising to his bait. "I trust your dealings with Cerberus will be ethical. I trust you."

Regis shook his head, sitting down on one of the beds. "And can you verify with one-hundred percent certainty that you're dealing with me, and not some Cerberus puppet?  How do you know that Cerberus won't do something to me or to you or to anyone we care for to get what they want?  They don't give a single damn about humans, they just care about themselves and their image."

She stared down at him. "I’d say your anger is proof enough.  Everything changed after your death. I chose the option that will help all of us. Don't tell me you would rather have some Cerberus doctor taking care of you?"

"Well, the person who resurrected me is across the damn hall.  You tell me."

"I've been looking into what they did to bring you back," she admitted. "But most of it I don't have access to."

"I made a deal with Lawson. She's going to tell me everything. I'll make sure you get access."

"Do you trust that she'll tell you everything?"

Regis laughed. "Hell no. For her sake I hope she does.  If I find out something out in the field that she could've told me?  It's not going to end well for her."

"You've changed since the Normandy."

"Well, I'm a medical abomination trapped in the claws of a terrorist organization. They wanted Commander Shepard?  They're getting the man that ordered the Torfan decision." Regis stood up from the bed. "Let me know if you need anything."

She nodded. "Before you go, there might be a way to remove those scars."

Regis caught his reflection in the window. Angry red lines cracked across his face. Glowing red pupils blending in with his own altered red irises. 

"No. Let them see what they did to me."

"I'll be here if you change your mind, but I know with your experience, we might be able to make something good out of it instead of removing it outright."

Hell, she has a point.  With his cybernetics background, he could probably channel the glow into something else.  Something less cracked and scarred and more of an aesthetic choice. 

Something to decide later. 

Chakwas was always a steady presence.  All the anger he had about her joining up mostly dissipated with her attitude about the matter.  She let him be angry, and she let him treat her like he would treat any other Cerberus operative. 

He still can't feel like he can fully trust her. 

There's no way in hell Cerberus won't exploit his allies. 

He explored the ship some more, learning all its new nooks and crannies, barely acknowledging the Cerberus crew that now wandered the halls of his ship. 

He's not here to make friends.  

His quarters were the worst part of the tour. The glass window above his bed, showing the dark expanse of space, taunted him. 

They knew how he died. 

They knew what became his grave. 

He slammed his hand on the shutters, willing it to close faster. 

His locker was filled with his favorite clothing. Turtlenecks, long coats, dark fatigues, boots and jeans. He tossed the Cerberus branded stuff into a corner, vowing to compact the trash in the lower decks later.

The familiarity caused him to shudder.  They knew everything about him, but some things hit too close to home. 

The photo on his desk nearly made him sick. 

It was of Regis and Kaidan clothed in their armors, but instead of them wearing their usual scarves--Regis’s black and red, Kaidan’s blue and white--they were swapped.  Their foreheads were touching, a calm moment before the drop down to Illos. 

Tali was the one who took the photo, sharing it amongst the ground crew.  None of them would've given up the picture.  Kaidan, Ashley, Tali, Wrex, T'Soni. 

Unless Cerberus recovered his omnitool, which was unlikely. The one in the armor locker back on the station was a piece of shit base model.  And the one sitting on his desk was an updated version of his favored Logic Arrest. 

Which meant they also didn't recover his dog tags, if they were nowhere to be found in his cabin.

That loss almost hit the hardest.  That damn ring. 

I should've just given it to Kaidan.  Fuck fairytale proposals. 

Regis turned the photo away from him.  He rubbed his face, trying to get rid of the nausea. 

Maybe diving into those dossiers would be a good idea right now.  Something to distract him. 

As he reached over to turn on his terminal, he received a ping on his omnitool. 

A comm request from Joker. 

“Got a minute, Commander?” Joker asked, after Regis accepted his comm request.  Sitting at his desk, staring at the empty fish tank—what an ostentatious piece of shit—wondering what decision he made got him here on this fucking ship.

Accepting the Normandy, of course.  He should have never acquiesced to Anderson’s and the Alliance’s demands.  He could’ve been happy at Rio, enjoying his time with the N recruits, finding more ways to advocate for better training regimens for biotics.

He wondered if anything ever came from his suggestions. New N programs, new ways to train biotics recruits, new accelerated ways for biotics to gain ground in the Alliance… without him to speak up, who would?

But knowing what he knows now?  Knowing that Kaidan would have likely been the one to suffer the beacon’s visions if he didn’t push him away?

Regis wasn’t too sure if he liked the thought of that outcome either, especially without being by his side.

“Come on up,” Regis replied, shutting down the link after responding.  

This conversation is not going to be a good one.

A few minutes later, a knock sounded on his door.  With a wave of his omnitool, he allowed Joker to come inside.

“They really tricked out the place, huh.  Swanky crib you got here,” Joker commented, walking over to the couch.

“I think it’s utter bullshit,” Regis said, getting up from the desk to lean against the dumb fish tank.  “Another way to think that I’m in a better place or some kind of manipulative crap.  I hate it.”

“You know, you could really lighten up a bit.  I think you’ve already scared half the crew to death with that announcement of yours.  Especially Chambers.” Joker said with a laugh, but quickly stopped after seeing the dark look on Regis’s face.  “Uh, sorry.”

“It’s because I don’t want to be here, Joker.  Did you really think I was going to accept having a nosy green yeoman getting all up in my business at the CIC?” Regis asked.  “Chambers is just one more way to report on every little move I make to the Illusive Man.  She should be happy I haven’t decided to strand her with nothing when we get to the Citadel.”

“What’s next, you kick me off the ship?” Joker asked, crossing his arms.  When Regis didn’t immediately respond, he held up his arms in surrender.  “Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood.”

“What is this really about?” Regis asked.  “As you can see, I’m really not in the mood, so spit it out.”

“Do you blame me for what happened?” Joker asked in a startling amount of seriousness.

Regis tilted his head to the side.  “Do you blame yourself?  Is that why you joined Cerberus?”

“Just answer my question, Shepard!” He balled his hands into fists.

“Fine.  The only thing I blame you for is joining Cerberus.  I don’t give a single fuck about how you supposedly did it for me, and thinking they were any kind of answer to your current problems was a betrayal to me and all the victims of their experiments that we discovered.  Be happy we’re even having this conversation.  You did what you thought was right back on my ship, but then again, you thought joining Cerbreus was a good idea.  I don’t know if I can even trust your future judgment,” Regis said, staring Joker down.  

Perhaps he was being too harsh, but at this point, Regis didn’t care.  

It doesn’t matter that Joker was with him on the Normandy.  Regis was never close with the man, never meshing well with his attitude and sense of humor. They butted heads more often than not, especially about matters surrounding the ship. 

"If we're ever in a situation where it's you or the ship, choose yourself.  I know you're a talented pilot, but I also know you can recognize when it's gone FUBAR.  Abandon ship the moment you can while also keeping the crew safe." Regis said to him early on their Saren mission.   "My piloting skills will be the only thing that saves our asses if we end up in that kind of situation. I'm the pilot. You trust my judgment." "I grew up learning how to pilot shuttles and ships, Moreau. I grew up hearing similar disaster situations on all the ships my mother served on. This is an order.  You listen to my disaster plans, and we won't have a problem."

Joker opened his mouth to reply, his expression twisting with anger, but Regis beat him to it. "I know you remember that argument we had about what to do if we have to abandon ship.  I've run all the scenarios in my head, and guess what, I remember everything that happened up to the moment I died suffocating in space.  Maybe what you did saved more of the crew. Maybe what you did was the right thing. But we will never know, and you have to live with the fact that you defied my orders when you could've saved yourself."

"You're right, we will never know, but it doesn't matter, does it? We're here now, but you aren't going to thank anyone for the chance you've been given," Joker replied. "You're acting like a fucking child. How is that helpful to any of us?  I'm sure if Alenko was here you'll be getting on your knees for his oh-so-great decision.  And you would be besties with Williams if she was here too!"

Regis kept his face neutral, but if another biotic was in the room with him, they would feel his field about to roar to life.  "Moreau," he said, "get the fuck out of my quarters."

"You aren't denying it!  Regis Lucian Shepard, Butcher of Torfan and a hypocrite."

Regis activated his omnitool to open the doors remotely. He raised his voice, his field roaring to life in a bright violet glow.  Moreau flinched back. 

"I said, get the fuck out of my quarters!  And for your information, Kaidan and Ashley would've never joined Cerberus because they were there for every goddamn mission we did unearthing their crimes.  I'd be treating them the same way I'm treating everyone on this fucking ship if they did sacrifice their morals to be here." Regis shouted. "Sure, I can excuse your bullshit jokes, but you've crossed the fucking line. You see that picture over there.” He pointed at the photo frame on the desk.  “You remember that picture being taken?”

He nodded, swallowing.

“And that’s why I’m so fucking angry.  That’s why I would rather space myself again than be on this ship.  But I can’t do that, now can I?  Because Lawson and Cerberus will just bring me right back again, except this time, with a new way to control me!” 

Regis let his biotics rest, leaving only a faint glow around this body, his eyes rimmed with deep purple. 

Moreau silently stood up and walked over to the door. "I joined Cerberus for you and only you," he said, standing next to the elevator. 

If that was his way of apologizing, he was doing a shit job of it. 

"I wouldn't call that loyalty by any stretch of the imagination.  It shows you didn't know me," Regis replied.  He sat back down at his desk, his back turned to the door.

He was done with this conversation. 

The doors opened and closed with a soft sound, and Regis let out a deep breath. 

Leaning back in his chair, Regis ran his hand down his face. Fuck. 

That's a bridge that will never be rebuilt anytime soon.  He crossed the line when he went there about his relationship with Kaidan. 

Regis wasn't about to apologize anytime soon either. 

His gaze went back to the photo. 

He should contact him, and he should log in to his personal server and send a message. But that photo made him pause. 

Cerberus knows what Kaidan is to him, and if they found out about communications between them?

Regis wasn't willing to put Kaidan in danger, even if it means Kaidan finds out about his resurrection from another source. 

The Alliance knows, likely thanks to footage from Freedom's progress.  The Citadel and Council will know the moment he steps through security, if they don’t already.  

But all they will see is Regis walking out of a ship emblazoned with Cerberus colors, and it made him sick. 

The terminal sitting in front of him pinged with a new message. This time from Lawson. 

Whenever you're ready, come to my office. We'll talk there.

He should start working on those dossiers, but the knowledge of his resurrection was far more important to him than this mission. 

He sent a short reply. "I'm coming down now."

– –

He sat down at Lawson's desk. "Send me the files first." He ordered, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his legs. 

"Surely you want to hear about it first?" She asked, but made a move on her terminal all the same. 

"The files are more important to me. I'm not some dumb Jarhead.  I'll be able to understand the documents just fine," he replied. "Surely you know about my degrees?"

"Yes.  Cybernetics and biotic implants.  Research into VI. And yet you joined the Alliance, doing none of those things," she commented.  His omnitool pinged with the transfer. "There."

Regis was working to use those credentials with his biotic program, curating research and evidence to make training better, both standard and N style. 

Very few cared about the plight of human biotics.  But Regis wanted to make a difference, no matter how small it was. 

His L2 implant ensured he had to care. 

He glanced at them, scanning them with one of his programs, looking for any malicious code.  Nothing obvious came up, but he'll break them down later. 

He nodded, confirming the status of the files. "Now, tell me everything."

She outlined the details of his resurrection, starting with the status of his body.  

"When we received your corpse, we immediately got to work designing cybernetic implants to repair your skeleton, to regenerate and reconstruct your skin, and to begin reconstructing your organ systems. I'm afraid Taylor put it in a crude way, but 'meat and tubes' was an unfortunate descriptor of your situation," she said, lacing her fingers together on her desk. 

Regis wasn't shocked at the news. He kept his expression blank. "And the state of my armor?"

"What do you mean?" She asked, pausing with a confused expression on her face. "Why does that matter?"

"You've reconstructed me damn near perfectly, even down to my damn scars, piercings, and tattoos. Hell, I kept expecting to see some fucked line work on my flowers and chest tats especially.  What I do care about is what personal effects I lost. My omnitool with my last will and rites, among other things, and my Alliance dog tags," Regis explained, barely refraining from rolling his eyes.  

"It was in such a sad state.  We retrieved nothing of yours that was intact," she said. 

Regis raised an eyebrow. "Really?  I know the hard suits aren't perfect, and I died in one spectacular fashion.  But you didn't retrieve anything of the sort?  Who handled my body?  Who got it to you in the first place?"

"You don't care at all about what we did to you.  All you care about is what you lost," she said, narrowing her eyes. 

True.  The documents were enough for him.  Keeps him from wanting to biotically blast her across the room for defying his right to death. 

For defying his right to be buried with his father. 

"You’re right.  I don't really give a fuck about all the sordid details.  That's what those files are for.  No, I care about what has been done to me. And that includes everything that was on my person when I died," Regis spat. "So I’ll ask again, and this time, I'll make it really clear.  Who. Handled. My. Body."

Her face remained blank. "Would it really change anything?  We received a corpse with charred armor that has long since been destroyed.  You are proof enough that we cared to bring you back as you were, even your L2 implants were kept the same."

Regis leaned back in the chair. "Maybe not, but I cared a lot about those things.  Don't you think there's a goddamn reason why I keep pressing you on it?  Clearly you're not an idiot if you were able to do the impossible.  I want names, Lawson."

"You think you were looted before we were able to officially recover you?" She asked. 

"Was I?" He fired back. "I wouldn't be surprised if I was.  I'm Commander Shepard, hero of the goddamn Citadel,  Butcher of Torfan, and the First Human Spectre.  I'm a fucking celebrity.  Or else why would you have revived me?  I'm important."

She pursed her lips.  “The Illusive Man believes in your visions.  He saw you as the key to helping humanity.”

“Ah, so his wants are greater than mine?  Who gives a fuck about one man’s feelings when he can save us all?  Nice phrasing there, really shows who you care about,” Regis mocked.

“I’m merely repeating his reasons for us creating the Lazarus project in the first place.  I was under orders.”

“And here I thought Cerberus wasn’t a military organization.  No, you just wanted to prove you could defy all known laws and resurrect a long dead man,” Regis said.  “Stop trying to convince myself that what you all did to me was out of some duty because you care.”

She opened her mouth to reply, but Regis cut her off.  “Honestly, whatever you’re going to say is going to piss me off more.  Just give me the fucking names of who brought me in.”

“It must be so exhausting being so angry,” she said.  “Eventually, you’ll have to learn to work with us.  Or are you going to run in and recruit everyone for this mission on your own?”

He has half a mind to do exactly that. Surely, she knew about his service history. Solo missions in between his stint as a trainer for the N program and other biotics.

Despite being a biotic, he was one hell of an infiltrator, able to reign in his field to a point where it was very difficult for other biotics to sense him. A high level of control to make sure you almost never intersect with anyone else's field. He made sure that Kaidan knew how to do it as well, the one thing Regis considered himself better at biotically.

Regis chuckled without mirth.  “Exhausting?  No.  You brought back Regis Shepard.  You’re getting exactly who you wanted.  Why, did you think I’ll be getting on my knees, praising Cerberus for bringing me back?  Stop trying to portray yourselves as the misunderstood good guys who are only trying to help humanity.”

“If what you say is true, those were likely splinter groups.  Cerberus operates in separate cells," she said.  “And for your information, I thought this whole project was a waste of precious resources, but the Illusive Man wanted you alive.”

Interesting.  Doesn’t quite change his opinion of her, but he respected her some for even admitting that.

Still, she kept digging her heels in whenever he tried to tell her off Cerberus's deeds during the Saren mission. 

Regis couldn't fathom why.  They clearly knew a lot about him.  They must've gotten their hands on his mission reports. 

Cerberus was an active threat then, and now, Regis was more than a little worried about their obvious scope. 

“And I’m sure you had objections for how he wanted me alive.  Let me guess: You wanted a way to control me,” Regis observed.  

“Yes, I wanted to put a control chip in you, but the Illusive Man wanted you exactly as you were,” she admitted.  

She almost seemed to brace herself for something, the way she moved her hands off her desk and leaned back.

Regis didn’t give her the satisfaction.   Even if he wanted to give her a taste of what he felt while he was dying in space.

He wasn’t looking forward to getting some sleep as his nightmare became true two years ago.

Yet it feels like it happened yesterday all the same.

"Well, at least you admitted it to me," Regis said, watching as she slowly let her guard down.  "But it proves that I was right and still right to not trust you or anyone else on this ship, if you were willing to go that far to use me for your gains."

"And you are proving to me that I was right to have those concerns for our well-being," she fired back. 

Regis smirked. There's that fire he was waiting for. "Sounds like quite the sore spot.  What do you want me to say, really?  Oh, I'm so sorry you lost the right to control another human being.  Boo-fucking-hoo."

She narrowed her eyes. "This conversation is leading nowhere.  You're wasting your own time."

"I don't consider this a waste of my time at all," Regis said, reveling in the fact that he was likely waiting her time. "But, since you haven't rescinded your offer of information, let's go back to that Cerberus cell comment you made.  You're saying you keep your projects isolated?"

She cleared her throat. "If it keeps you here, I'll answer your questions.  Yes, each project is its own cell.  I was part of the Lazarus Cell.  And so, the cell that recovered you is not something I'm privy to.  Even if it was, Cerberus changes the location and status of some of its operatives all the time," she said. "I can't help you."

Regis frowned. "Fine. But perhaps it is a good thing, because I’d have to pause your little mission to hunt them down and take what you didn’t retrieve for me.  I don’t believe my personal effects were so easily lost.”

Before she could reply, Regis held up his omnitool. "I'm going to read over the files. Make yourself available for questions. And if there's anything about my resurrection that you didn't tell me, no matter how fucking small or innocuous it might seem, don't think I won't take it lying down."

She looked him in the eyes.  “You have my word, even if to you that might mean nothing."

Regis stood up. "You're absolutely right, your word means shit to me.”

He walked out of her office without hearing her response. 

The trek back to his quarters was short, but it still gave him time to think about what he learned. 

Perhaps he should have spent more time listening to her account right at that moment.  

But finding out who handled his body will be his ultimate goal on this mission. 

Regis wanted them to burn for desecrating his memory and for keeping him hostage away from his family. 

As he sat back down at his desk, he had a feeling she wasn't telling him everything. Why would she?  And yet, what does she have to gain by keeping whoever handled his body to himself?

Who is she protecting?  Or maybe she sees it as a way of keeping him from getting distracted.  He made it clear what he wanted out of that conversation. 

Something he'll try to press on later. 

It's unlikely he'll actually make good on his threats, but for all intents and purposes, none of the Cerberus crew on this ship really knew who he was, only going off of reports and vids and whatever else they were able to find on him.

They don't know the man behind the titles. and he was going to use that to his advantage.

He opened up the dossiers list, looking through the people Cerberus wanted him to recruit. 

A master thief by the name of Kasumi Goto, who is waiting for him at the Citadel.  Stealth, infiltration, and hacking–all skills of his that he values in others.  

He looked forward to hearing how she ended up in this mess. 

A salarian scientist by the name of Mordin Solus, who was also with the STG. Cerberus is even recruiting aliens?  Must be desperate, knowing their stance. 

A convict by the name of Jack, who is supposedly the most powerful human biotic. A criminal, by the looks of things.  He wondered why Cerberus needed someone like her, someone likely unstable and worked for only herself.  

He'd have to see how his abilities compared to hers.  He and Kaidan were often known by the Alliance as their most powerful biotics. What makes her different?  He wanted to know.

A warlock by the name of Dr. Okeer.  A krogan scientist.  Another alien.  Regis raised an eyebrow, remembering a few conversations he had with Wrex.  A rarity.  

No wonder Cerberus wanted someone like him. 

He doubted that Okeer and Solus would get along. 

Next, someone by the name of Archangel.  Regis rolled his eyes at the name, but the dossier itself was suspiciously blank compared to the others.  No real name and a vague location.  

Finally, the one titled "The Veteran."

Regis opened it and blinked once he saw the name, making sure he read it correctly. 

Zaeed Massani, hired by Cerberus. 

He couldn't help but laugh at the note that said how expensive his services were. 

Yet, Regis knew Zaeed wasn't an idiot.  He kept an ear close to the ground. He had to have known what Cerberus really was. 

So why was he part of these dossiers?

He'll have to be careful.  He trusts Zaeed.  Trusted him with things only Kaidan knows and has seen. 

Maybe Moreau was right.  He really is a fucking hypocrite. 

Because he couldn't wait to get to Omega and get that man on board. As selfish as it was, Regis really wanted him back by his side, even if they were just friends. 

Regis closed his eyes as he thought back to his and Kaidan's leave on Omega.  Three–no, five now–years ago. 

Sandwiched between them after they had taken turns with him, Regis relished in the feeling of being fucked out by two gorgeous men, one who had been by his side for years, the other a temporary lover Regis wanted so much more with.  Kaidan pecked his lips with a sweet little kiss. "How are you feeling, love?" He asked, checking over him with a loving gaze.  "Good. Sore, but that's to be expected," he rasped out. He cleared his throat.  "But I like it that way." "I know you do." "You two have a good thing going on," Zaeed grumbled from behind him, a tattooed arm wrapped around Regis's body. "But I'm also a goddamn gentleman.  It's been a while someone has let me be that rough with them." Regis turned to face the mercenary.  "I'm fine, I promise.  I can handle it." Zaeed pressed a kiss on his forehead. "That you can, Alliance.  Next time, don't hold back on your biotics. Both of you.  Ain't my first rodeo." "So sure about a next time," Kaidan teased. "But we can get a little, uh, wild with our fields. Comes with our implants." "Right, you two must be from the second gen?  No wonder your biotics were so strong out in the field.  Thought I was fighting with Matriarch commandos out there," Zaeed said, starting to trace patterns on the tattoos on Regis's chest.  He shivered at the contact.   "It has its benefits," Regis said.  "I'm sure it does," Zaeed said.  "I got a bathtub big enough for the three of us back there.  Join me." Kaidan grinned. "Of course.  Regis?' "As long as you two pamper me, I'm alright with that."

But without Kaidan with him, Regis wasn't about to make a move. 

Even if he craved the touch of another. 

His fingers itched, reaching out for a pack of cigarettes that were nowhere to be found. 

Regis knows what he's going to pick up when he gets to Omega. 

First, he'll deal with the Citadel.  Talk with Anderson, recruit Goto, and see if the new council would be willing to talk with him. 

And then, Omega. 

Regis wasn't looking forward to whatever was waiting for him at the Citadel, but he hoped to get answers.  

And to find out where Kaidan and Ashley ended up. 

He didn't want them on the ship, but he needed to know they were okay.  That they flourished in the Alliance. 

That they moved on without him by their sides. 

He wasn't holding his breath, however.  The moment he shows up in a Cerberus ship will seal his fate.  He's almost certain he'll be stonewalled. 

But he wouldn't deny the Spectre position if it was offered back to him, despite not wanting it in the first place.

He could hear it now, Regis Shepard, a traitor to the Alliance, to humanity, and to the Council!

Regis never felt so lost, so out of control, until now.

He hoped that he can regain some semblance of control fast.

[flatstarcarcosa]

[gun slide noise]

ME!AU RAPID FIRE:

*abarahm resident over powered biotic. vanguard. heavy reliance on barrier+charge plus has done some incredibly illegal mods to his service shotgun. concussion rounds+experimental incendiary that blows you open and burns you out from the inside. you're better off getting slammed. the van brunts are also like, the closest thing to royalty the alliance has which means he's even more arrogant and egoistical than regular canon because he has never, at any point, had to deal with the fallout of anything he's ever done.

*i cannot stress to you enough this man's response to ichabod saying "abraham we can't do that, it's a war crime" is "only if there's batarians left alive to tell anyone". he doesn't even have a good reason to dislike batarians outside of alliance propaganda and like. blatant racism, if i'm honest. man is not remotely empathetic enough to actually CARE what any of them have done he just Craves Violence.

*and speaking of, ichabod. infiltrator, squishy as fuck counterpart for abe's tank but it's fine because he's in, done with the mission, and out before anyone knows. (if he's....yknow. not with abraham. that is.) he's also, for some reason, basically the only person that can stand to be around abraham for any length of time, likely because they ended up in basic together and just kinda clicked despite differing personalities.

cutting bc there's a lot, rapid fire or not-

*one of the things i put a lot of effort into back when this was a thing i did on the RP blog was making abraham and shepard's stories mirror each other, if not entirely, in a lot of ways. abraham was the original poster boy, and he was actually the first line draft pick for human spectre.

*it doesn't come to pass when a mission goes tits up, and he nearly dies. family name and money catches the attention of cerberus, who slide in with promises they can fix him, like, totally, we prommy. he does get fixed, he gets top of the line cybernetic implants and in the end it's nothing some PT can't fix.

*except oops! mommy and daddy van brunt stupidly trusted the known terrorist organization because they were more interested in making sure The Family Legacy went the way it was supposed to! and now their already OP son is infested with fucking reaper tech no one knows about!

*the injuries abe sustains when he almost dies includes a TBI. the TBI has the fun little side effect of actually interfering with the indoctrination from the reaper tech. lots of notes in abe's recovery with him commenting about buzzing/humming noises no one else seems to hear and "i swear to god my teeth itch".

*abe's first mission once cleared for duty ALSO goes tits up because harbinger tries to awaken what's supposed to be the best little sleeper agent Its ever Had only to find out the fucking sleeper agent is defective. it begins an ongoing battle where harbinger is constantly trying to outright control abraham entirely, but it doesn't always work.

*he officially gets listed as MIA--POSSIBLY AWOL

*ichabod and abraham's plots revolve around everyone lamenting that the alliance golden boy just cracked under the pressure and couldn't cut it, with ichabod sincerely believing that's not the whole story. "abraham is an arrogant ass, he's not an unhinged coward" is repeated quite a lot.

*abe and harbinger's back and forth for control means sometimes he loses. sometimes harbinger is able to make the indoctrination work and operate him like a fucking meat puppet from dark space, and that fun little TBI that causes the back and forth also means he's completely aware the whole time it's happening.

*eventually he notices a pattern in that getting his shit rocked (ie more brain trauma) tends to shake harbinger loose, which results in one encounter with ichabod and abe where he tells ichabod 'the next time you find me trying to kill you, aim for my head'

*basically a lot of it is the concept of like. Worst Guy You've Ever Known Finally Faces Consequences except. it's also one of those stories where at a certain point you're no longer thrilled by these turn of events, you're kind of uncomfortable. it seems less like comeuppance and more like watching someone slowly get fed into a meat grinder for no reason.

*which. remember the early concepts for saren and tim where the reaper tech was slowly eroding any organic parts of them? yeah. yeah he's not having a good time.

*abe also ends up targeting cerberus when he's controlling his own mind, particularly when he finds out they were only able to save shepard because of what they did to him. feels a lot like being the test run.

*which leads me back to shepard and abe having mirroring stories. in the end the reaper war ends and they're both dead, but only one of them is remembered.

*abe's death takes place during me3. i never got as far as plotting the details but it was always meant to be a last ditch "fuck you/ i'm not what you made me" type thing. there's also a smidge of suicide by sacrifice to it, because again, he was already dying because of the reaper tech and just. was so goddamn tired. it's shades of vega as well in like, what he does is very big and very good and saves a lot of lives (ichabod's included) but it's. just that shepard was already elsewhere, doing bigger things.

*after ichabod gets cleared after abe dies, he basically gets a "tyfys here's your next posting" and asks what about abraham which is met with "what about him?"

*ichabod then starts demanding abe's status get changed from MIA--POSSIBLY AWOL to killed in the line of duty along with a posthumous commendation of valor. i'm thinking he gets a call from hackett about joining the crucible project and agrees, but on one condition, mostly because the idea of ichabod yelling hackett down is kinda BDE if i'm honest.

*also of importance: abraham being a whole ass home of sexual whose also big brained enough to be like "actually asari aren't women so yes i can fuck them despite being gay"

*and finally if he ever found out aria t'loak fucked mordin and not him he'd blow up afterlife and everyone in it

[halesshepardn7]

For the WIP game: I'm interested in both 4s... They seem right up my alley. Especially the flirting practice xD

Ask and you shall receive. I picked my favorite parts for you.

Rose and Kays first kiss

They fell silent again as Rose turned back to the window to see the sunset.

Kaidan took a few extra steps to stand next to her and admire the view.

“Wow…have you ever seen something this beautiful?”

Looking to her out of the corner of his eyes, he looks into hers, in her eyes he sees the reflection of the scenery in front of them. The pink hue of the sky makes her skin glow in a pinkish hue. And her red lips are so perfect and soft. “Yes��yes I have.” He says amorously and without even knowing that his mouth even said it.

Rose processes his responce, her smile falling as she understands the true meaning behind his words. She turns her head to look at him, seeing the admiration in his face as he looks at her.

Her? Was he talking about her?

“Kaidan?” Her heart starts skipping. Time seems to slow down.

His wide amber eyes plead into hers, silently asking her not to freak out.

“Rose, you’re beautiful. You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”

Her breathing quickens, and suddenly she feels like her body has gone numb. “Kaidan.” She whispers.

“I don’t want to mess up what we have. You’re my best friend and I don’t want to lose you as a friend. But I wouldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t at least tell you that I like you as more than a friend. Seeing you makes my heart feel a certain way that I can’t even describe. And seeing all the other guys trying to get with you almost makes me jealous because they aren’t nice guys.” He pauses a brief moment as he notices she looks scared. Her happy face had turned scared and her breathing was faster. “Oh god I’m sorry Rose. I’m freaking you out.”

Her lip quivers and her heart nearly stops. He’s finally admitted that he likes her, and she’s come to the realization that she likes him too. It was a thought she never allowed herself to feel because they were such good friends. But he’s said it now. And she wants to break that barrier between friends and more than friends.

“Kiss me, Kaidan.”

Flirting practice

This one is still in its basic form with mostly just dialogue. But that’s why this is a WIP game.

She moves so that she’s sitting right next to me against the wall, both our legs touching and a tingle of biotic aura shifting between us. She places her hand face up on my thigh silently asking for my hand. I take my hand and interlock my fingers with hers. We sit in silence as we stare into each other’s eyes, just taking in each other’s features. I look over her whole face memorizing every little freckle and detail in her skin, the way her eyes have little golden specks sprinkled in the forest of green. Her light skin that just reflects the red light from the room. Her biotic aura that sends shivers down my spine as it flows across my skin. I notice her memorizing my details too, moving from my hair, to my eyes and down to my lips. Her eyes seem to linger there for longer than normal. She bites her bottom lip slightly before looking back into my eyes.

“Do you want to kiss me Kaidan?” She says with a breath of a whisper.

“What about taking it slow, Shepard?”

“You can say no, I won’t be offended.”

“No- I mean. . . I don’t mean no I don’t want to kiss you. I do. It’s just, don’t you think we should wait until the mission is over? I don’t want to distract you too much.”

“You’re not a distraction. You’re like coming up for fresh air.”

[mephestopheles]

Just because I keep yelling about the game, here's what I'm doing on this play through.

Male Shepard, spacer background, war hero psych profile. Soldier Class. Casual difficulty to get the hang of things and I'm still dying a lot. I am not used to shooters in general and I have yet to figure out tactics.

Fave team up in mass effect 1 was Tali and Liara, with their biotics and the tech skills maxed they were fantastic and could hold their own in a fight. Thank gods for med-gel.

Garrus got a lot more action in mass effect 2 because of Liara being kind of on the side lines. But Tali still was front and centre.

Mass effect three the trio is back, but I've been picking others to get some new dialogue stuff as well.

Current favourite weapon is the black widow V sniper rifle with upgraded scope and thermal clip for more bullets.

Still haven't found a favourite among the others, but I generally go for either highest damage output or highest capacity.

I've finished every side mission, except for the Eden prime Intel mission in the from ashes dlc (couldn't find the 3rd piece of Intel) so that was locked after finding Javik. And Couldn't find Aria's couch for Harrot in the Omega DLC.

I think I got most of the war assets. Could not get one of them from the Hades Nexus, because the scanner tripped the Reapers, and I didn't have any missions to do to reset it, and I think I'm locked out now as of finishing Cerberus Headquarters.

I'm at work right now so I can't finish it, but I have a decent shot of possibly finishing this game tonight, with only priority earth and the finale left (the finale legit may just be credits and cut scenes I don't know, but I'm going by the ign walkthrough for section names)

Wish me luck. All I want to do is have a nap right now. Woke up way too early this morning and before I could think better of it, I got up and played the Cerberus Headquarters mission.

[scentedchildnacho]

God would still help me out........the lady in the park I think is more mediumistic then mean.....but she called me fat and told me she wanted to die so can do what she wants....

So i told her science has also told me to be more hopeful then a nation but I have noticed there is truly nothing without in God we trust and the Christ angel so I no longer understand anything but dictatorship and politely eat the cake I'm told to

The english can be very demonic people like do what ya want instead of be very grateful for what is and don't think too much

So I told her if she wants to die I can call the sheriff for her so she can get her medical number.......a woman is vice president and psychiatric services if your positive and voluntary aren't so bad in fact there might be some good going on there

Then I asked her why she wanted to bother me with her contagion I am homeless too and have nothing to give and she will be made to apologize for her outburst when she realizes adler that she is being a little spoiled and for behaviourists

Then she wanted to give me chicken but wanted to show me that it was under cooked and not for me so I ate it anyway noticing she is an eating disorder and wants to envy what I have her friends kick homeless ladies ass

The chicken was fine though a little pink it is kind of racist white people suffer needlessly because Republican punishers enjoy vehement religion

And if I had more tongue to my taste my desires would be more satisfied....

Understanding manifest the french papers all these very important happenings that aren't the main event

I think that little girls birthday was more Catholic.......and those are repentant people fear a great destruction if your desires are not simply satisfied fear the lack of austerity....

She told me her friend Michelle can't be just like me because I got fat......so I said I use to know a skinny michelle and we together use to be very wretchedly skinny....so grossly stinky skinny and I think I look healthy but my fat intake isn't healing prior injury well

What is with the fat though what is the issue with the fat though

That cream has no anti biotics in it no anti biotics for those cows

That cow looked depressed

I do start feeling dimpled and babied here when I could look leaner if you must mention the butchery of it

I want to milk a cow

The cows for making billions looked depressed in the news

My friend Michelle did get to go get her boobs though so that's why we don't look alike she did get to get sex industry boobs and I just got to get weight boobs

I guess if your from a big multi cultural high school I look like michelle but from my segregation it's so immersive in Soviet bloc only black and white sight allowed we don't look alike at all or really have anything in common at all

The giver sometimes I go to radiant life church and then I get to see that bird colors can be so vibrant

Baby Gabe......the babies here look just like baby dolls.....maybe I have to finally bring a china baby to the elders

M night shalyman......there may be is a city completely without poverty and all God's people have sheep and goats and a cow just like it was predicted in Milwaukee

I probably wouldn't breast feed even if it was my birth baby the baby would need to be biocentric and I can't eat that way

I've always had this dual consciousness and the youngest people are already

That and I just don't like baby on breast it's just not something I want

In human nature this fight against man or nature or man himself that's breast feeding when the baby could be just like a baby doll

[hunkybeans]

I should probably post this here:

The Life Alignment Chart

What is "alive" to you? What counts as alive?

Going top to bottom, then left to right, we have:

A PERSON: everyone generally agrees that people are alive. This category is for all animals, plants, all the easy stuff.

CORAL: is a creature as simple as coral alive? It's in the kingdom of life, but it's really at the edge of what we consider "sentient". It doesn't think, it acts on instructions ingrained into its DNA, but that's basically what people do too but just more complicated.

VIRUSES: a virus is still made of biological material, but it's not DNA-based like everything else is. It's basically a snippet of code. It can't reproduce itself, it needs to highjack other cells to do so.

Moving on to the second column, we now have creatures no longer made from biotic material.

ANDROID: if we build a machine which is sufficiently advanced such that it can simulate the intelligence of a brain, and put it into a human-mimicking robot body, would it be alive? Unless you look under the hood you couldn't tell it wasn't another human. The only thing separating it from humanity is the fact it's made from metal.

SELF-REPLICATING DRONE ARMY: if someone built an army of drones which is capable of mining, refining, and machining new drones to add to the army, would it be alive? As a collective? Assume that it can respond to stimulus, like building kill-bots to fight enemies and improving on the design of its drones if it finds the right materials.

FIRE: people often describe fire like it's alive. It can grow, die, eat, breathe, starve, suffocate, and spawn new fires. If a virus can be alive, why not fire?

Finally, the last column, beings which exist only in the minds of people and have no physical form

GOD: Assuming the Christian God exists, would he be considered alive? He can certainly think complex thoughts, and since he's omnipotent he could self-replicate if he wanted to. The only caveat is I'm not sure he has any physical form. This category also includes voices in people's heads and imaginary friends, who are able to live and think autonomously by essentially sharing the brain of the person they live in.

A NATION: a nation can be thought of as an animal, with all its citizens as its cells. It can think, eat, produce products, get sick, and make new nations (if parts of it split away like mitosis). This category includes all groups of people which operate as collectives.

A STORY: a story is like a parasite living in the minds of the people who know the story. It spreads by being told. It can mutate to adapt to its environment. It can die if people forget about it. This category includes all art.

[glitchedguy]

My thoughts about Mass Effect 2 with a first time playthrough. (no spoilers tho this thread will contain spoilers as it is about stuff i'm doing in my playthrough and the big important missions) pt 2

So, in playing this, i have made multiple discoveries. 1. a gameplay feature is that is an enemies has shields, they are immune to biotic abilites, which i would really like because it forces me to do more then spam the same abilites and have a varied team... notice how i said would like it? the reason i don't completely like this is because the friendly ai is dumb.... not dumb as in "ooo its a bit dodgey" more dumb in the sense of, they will get stuck behind doors, unable to open them for themselves, or just stand in the way and not actually shoot. but I'm taking the good with the bad. 2. there are autistic people in this game, yaaaaay! this actually makes me pretty happy as i am autistic myself, so its nice to see a small bit of representation, just like Sandal from Dragon Age with his loving father. Also I do not like being unable to tell what is DLC and what isn't without just looking it up. on the plus side, it doesn't seem to matter what order i play the missions and DLC in. everywhere I've looked more or less says "do it however you want, its kinda its own disconnected story" which sucks, but makes sense Something i forgot to mention in the first part of this thing is that the way you look actually kinda impacts your character, which is fine. but if i want my face showing fully, i lose out on having a health or damage bonus. which kinda sucks but is fair. since the bonuses are very small. like 5% 3% 10% which is fine. buts its also just annoying. but an upside over that is the team you get. in ME1, all the characters were just kinda the same. they don't trust other species that much, they fucking get over it, yadda yadda yadda, we're all hero's. all of them were kinda the same good buy... Except Wrex, i liked Wrex. in this second one. everyone is vastly different. you have people that are loyal to a fault, people are just there because money, and people that want answers. and i love it. feels more alive strangely So... i went to the citadel finally (big alien and human hub world thing) and due to my actions in the first game which i won't get into as i already have spoiled a few things. the Citadel has covered up about the major threat from the first game and cleaned it from the history... okay, fair, that happens. but in this Citadel i can buy a model ship of the big bad that attacked in the first game... through a gift shop... i know its just a small collectible but still, if it was off the citadel, that would have made sense. also, one of the people i picked up in my crew of this game, called Jack... is a very well known criminal... and hopefully my Shepard's romantic partner. i also like bringing them with me on alot of shooty missions and missions without shooty things. its also kinda funny when i walk through a well populated area and people go "Shepard? the commander Shepard?... i thought she was dead? Its a ghost from the past" or something while Jack is on the side just "sup" XD also the mod count is now like 11-12... just to make things like romance more clear, and also unlocking every paragon (goodie) and Renegade (meanie) option. because while I'm nice to most npc's, there are some you just need to tell to fuck off, but due to how the game is, you can't do that. so i modded it so that you can. also, at this point, i'm loving how the 2 companions can work with me, something that happens alot and feels so cool every time is i'll use shockwave to send someone up to knock them down and then someone on my team will snipe them out the air. and sometimes Jack hits the shockwave and i snipe them. just soo god damn cool!

My thoughts about Mass Effect 2 with a first time playthrough. (no spoilers tho this thread will contain spoilers as it is about stuff i'm doing in my playthrough and the big important missions)

So this one is already off to a rocky start. as i'm using mods to better enhance my experiance, just trying to get a unofficial bug patch fix was already a challenge, I'm downloading everything from Nexus athe Unofficial community patch is 4 gbs big, it was a very slow download. every time i tried to download with the mod manager, it just crashed and broke at 2 gb's. too bad i couldn't just download 1 half and then the other half. thats not how mods work. following that, just getting used to how the game handles was also strange, i will admit i'm using an omni-key seperator mod which makes it so that instead of the space bar doing multiple actions, i can set each action its own key. onto the actual game, the story set up is nicely and we get a look into how things are different. (MAJOR SPOILERS COMING UP NOW) you die... and then you are brought back to life over 2 years of surgery by Cerberus. an organization from he first game that showed up for one mission and then fucked off. (END OF MAJOR SPOILER HERE) the game has 2 new hacking mini games which is a breath of fresh air as 1 is a memory game(i think this becomes easier the more you fail at it so there's no punishment for failing, which is alright) and the other is a match the image kinda game (however, the way its explained is extremely bad) there are also now some quicktime events to do depending on if you're a paragon (goodie) or a Renagade (baddie) and.... its never clear what they are going to do so probably best to get a quicksave before talking to anyone just in case. combat feels a bit more sluggish then the first game and kinda hard to see things. This game is alot more action heavy then the first one. i'm not exactly complaining about that but i did really like the first games handling of the RPG elements it had. i am still at the start of the game so i'll try and let ya know how that all goes tho.

Also i am using 8 mods at this time, the community patch (becasue it fixes alot of bugs and restores things, and corrects lighting in certain scenes), infinite sprint (because walking is too slow), screen shake remover (not as bad as ME1 but still bad enough), easy resource gathering (because i don't wanna have to grind all the shit), and weapon and armor stats (becasue thats easier then trying to work out things with words (or maybe they were actually there and i just missed it)) and a few others just to make my time a bit better. all in all, I'm very excited for this game, if only my wisdom teeth pain was gone so i could actually fucking enjoy the game now.

[nulfaga]

i want to do an absolutely miserable "everyone dies and suffers the whole way down" me playthrough too. so i spent some time yesterday looking at the me2 suicide mission and carefully plotting how to leave only the bare minimum amt of squad members alive (2, fewer than that and shepard herself will also cark it). weird amount of math involved. ideally those 2 survivors would be those who can meet an even more horrible fate in me3 (jack and tali for instance. there are many more squad members who can die in me3 but they tend to be heroic/meaningful deaths). liara is basically immortal and vega doesn't show up enough to be endangered but you can take them along to the final battle and (so i understand) if your war assets are absolutely shit tiny then they'll be vaporized by a reaper beam w/ no more ceremony.

i think the funniest option of all (you know in a cosmically evil kind of way) is to have an LI you scrupulously keep alive thru me2-3 (or 1-3) and then at the culminating moment they just get zapped and that's it.

here's my sample plan (choosing garrus as the cursed immortal cause i've been told i never gave him a fair shake. what fairer shake is there than this)

this is not "meet as few characters as possible" btw this is "kill everyone" so while not recruiting them at all would yield the same results what we're after is a pipeline of recruit -> kill (in the most tragic/unsatisfying way possible, wherever possible). death and despair in the milky way etc ME1:

-leave ashley/kaidan at virmire (in practice it doesn't matter who) -don't kill wrex (for now) -kill the rachni queen (though it doesn't make a big difference; grunt won't be alive to sacrifice himself w/ the aralakh company) -don't disrupt geth communications on virmire (kirrahe dies)

ME2:

-don't recruit kasumi or zaeed (they fuck up the numbers for the suicide run. i'm sure there's a way to bring them and successfully kill them while keeping the 4 squadmates we need alive but i haven't figured it out) -destroy maelon's data -let morinth kill samara (if possible. otherwise it doesn't make a difference past the suicide run) -successfully complete loyalty missions for jack, garrus, tali & mordin -keep DISloyal: miranda & grunt -doesn't matter (as in: do the loyalty mission if you like, but they'll die regardless): jacob, samara, thane, legion -get the silaris armor upgrade, but NOT the thanix cannon or cyclonic shields -do as many missions as possible between the reaper IFF and hitting the collector base (to ensure crew death) For the suicide mission:

-silaris armor means jack survives (for now) -no shields means legion dies (don't bring him to the cargo bay fight, or someone else will die instead and throw off the numbers) -no thanix cannons means thane dies

-assign jacob as the vent specialist (he dies) -assign samara/morinth as the fireteam leader (dead) -assign a loyal jack as the biotic specialist (no one dies!) -assign a disloyal grunt as the second fireteam leader (dead) -assign a disloyal miranda to escort the crew (dead) -this should leave tali, mordin, garrus & jack (all of whom should be loyal!) -leave garrus and jack to hold the line (no one dies) -bring tali and mordin to the final fight (no one dies)

-destroy the collector base -shepard survives with 4 crew members

ME3:

-pick every renegade option and DON'T visit the virmire survivor in the hospital after the mars mission -ignore the grissom academy mission (jack gets recaptured by cerberus) -later on, fight jack as a cerberus phantom (dead) -kill the rachni queen, or leave her alive and let her betray you idk -don't warn the krogan -sabotage the genophage cure; shoot m...god forgive me. shoot mordin when he tries to fix it himself (dead. rip) -since wrex is alive, he'll know about the sabotage; he will fight you and get killed (dead) -during the coup in priority citadel 2, don't try to persuade the virmire survivor, just shoot them (dead) -kill falere at the ardat-yakshi monastery -don't do the rannoch: geth fighter squadrons mission -during priority: rannoch, let the geth upload the reaper code and don't try to persuade/warn the quarians (tali dies) -gather NO war assets. you need under 1600 EMS. -bring 2 squadmates. at this point you can choose between garrus, liara, vega and edi. and javik if he's there. -i recommend bringing garrus and liara, the last surviving LIs, your ride-or-dies from the very beginning. (they will be vaporized by a reaper beam) -you should have only one choice for the crucible: destroy. because of your low EMS, shepard dies and this choice also destroys the mass relays as well as all life on earth.

-fin-

[n7inky-fanfics]

Geth Dreadnought

CW: PTSD

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.

.

Why is it that when Cerberus built this damn ship they put the one window that doesn't have shutters above my fucking bed? I swear, it had to have been on purpose. Assholes. I'm supposed to be sleeping right now, but there's no way in hell to sleep because space is just above me, taunting me. I just need to forget about the vacuum of space long enough to fall asleep.

Well, just because they didn't provide me with a damned shutter doesn't mean I can't just cover it myself. Time to get creative. I throw on my N7 jacket and some cargo pants, then catch the elevator down to engineering. I cautiously scan the hallway, hoping to avoid encountering anyone else. Now that we're in the clear after dealing with the Geth Dreadnought, most of the ship is on sleep block. The skeleton crew to keep it running will likely be too busy to notice me, but it's still possible.

Everything looks empty, so I head down to the undercroft. If I'm going to cover the window, I need to be able to reach it. I could have sworn that I saw a ladder down here... Ah, yes! Here it is! I carry the ladder into the elevator and back to my room without encountering anyone.

Next, I need to find something to cover it with and some adhesive. I think there might be a large tarp in the cargo bay, and I could use the super-strength adhesive we keep around for random patch jobs. I sneak down to the cargo bay and gather the remaining supplies. It looks like I'm going to make it back to my quarters undiscovered until the elevator stops on the crew deck. The doors slide open and I find myself face to face with a surprised looking Kaidan Alenko.

"Ahh, Shepard... I was just coming up to ask if you would like some tea." he says.

"Oh. Raincheck?" I shrug, well as much as I can with two armfuls of tarp and adhesive.

"Sure, sure... Hey, is it alright if I come up with you? I've been wanting to talk with you about what happened today." His eyes are gentle and caring. All I want to do is drop my barriers and tell him everything about how I feel, about the fear that I haven't been able to shake since leaving the Normandy to board the dreadnought. I want to cry and have him tell me it'll be okay. I want to let myself unravel.

But I can't, so I just nod and plaster on a small smile, hoping he doesn't notice how fake it is. He boards the elevator, and for a brief moment the silence is almost deafening. Then, he says "So... What's with the tarp?"

"Did you know that was the second time we managed to sneak up on the geth because they don't use windows?"

"Joker explained it to me after he made that comment. What's with the tarp?"

The elevator stops and slides open just in time to save me from that question. I move quickly into my room and drop the taro and glue on my bed. Kaidan leans against the wall that separates my desk from the rest of the cabin while I grab the ladder and position it under the far corner of the window. Kaidan watches as I climb the ladder with the tarp and glue in tow. I spread adhesive as far as I can on both sides of the corner, then press the tarp firmly against it. I hold it in place and begin counting the 180 seconds it should take for the glue to dry.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Ele-

"Hazel, what are you doing?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I wanted to see if I could figure out why you're gluing a tarp to your ceiling. I'm stumped, but that's not the point. What are you doing?" Kaidan crosses his arms firmly.

I must be on twenty-five by now at least... Twenty-six. Twenty-seven. Twenty-eight. Twenty-nine. Thirty. Thirty-"

"Hazel, why are you covering the window?" He moves closer to the ladder. I don't dare to look him in the eye, afraid that under his gentle gaze I might actually allow myself to break. Instead, I stare up at the tarp. What am I on? Forty? Probably.

Forty-one. Forty-two. Forty-three. Forty-four. Forty-five.

"Hey, look at me, Shepard." His voice is firm but kind, and I can't help but do it. I look at his face, into his caring and worried eyes, and I choke back a sob. He reaches up to me, offering his hand. "Come down from there and talk to me, please."

I could do it. He's giving me a chance to do it. I could step off this ladder and I could really, truly let myself feel it all. I could break down in his arms and stay there and let him make me feel safe. I want to, but... I'm Commander Shepard. I must continue to be Commander Shepard. I must stay strong.

"I'm fine right here." I say. My voice sounds hollow and foreign. How much time has it been? Maybe thirty more seconds? And I had been on forty before? No, forty-five.

Seventy-five. I turn to fave the tarp again. Seventy-six. Seventy-seven. Seventy-eight. Seventy-nine. Eighty.

"Please." His voice is soft, accented by a hint of sadness laced with concern. "Let me back in."

I'm screaming at myself internally. Don't drop your guard. Don't feel your emotions. Pack it down. Finish the job! Even as my mind is saying this, I feel my arms release the tarp. The adhesive hasn't had enough time to dry, so it simply falls away from the ceiling. Kaidan pulls me off the ladder and into his arms. For one, tiny moment, I fight it. I tell myself that I won't cry.

The floodgates open, and now I'm sobbing in his arms. My body is so racked by my sobs that I can't keep myself standing. Kaidan takes on my weight and gently lowers us both to the floor. As I cry, my lungs become more and more restricted. Soon, I can't breathe. I'm suffocating. Oh god, I'm suffocating in space! The Normandy is gone and everyone escaped and I'm left drifting in space and I can't breathe! I try to breathe in, but I can't. I'm going to die! No, I can't die! Not again!

"Hazel!" Kaidan shouts, shaking my shoulders. I open my eyes to see him staring back at me, worry etched into his face. Something in front of him is glowing blue, and the light from it is dancing along his face. What is that?

Kaidan gently takes my hand in his and kisses it. I watch him bring it to his lips carefully. A ring of blue surrounds my arm. I'm glowing. My biotics form a haze around me. If it had taken him much longer to get through to me, I probably would have flared them uncontrollably. As if he can read my mind, he gently pulls away and throws up a small but strong barrier around me. I release the energy. He waits a moment, to be sure it has dissipated, then drops the barrier and pulls me back into his arms.

"Hazel, do you know where you are?" he whispers.

"Normandy SR-2. It's 2186."

"Good." he says. He kisses my forehead softly.

We stay this way until long after I have stopped crying. Finally, he says "Almost getting blown up by the Quarian fleet wasn't easy."

I shake my head. "We were more likely to be spaced than blown up." My voice comes out barely above a whisper.

His breath hitches in his chest and he tenses slightly. "That's why you were covering the window." I nod. "Do you remember...?"

"Yes." He holds me just a little bit tighter when I say this.

"I'm so sorry." He says.

"Sometimes, in my dreams or if I let myself drift out of reality enough, I end up back there... Over Alchera. I can still feel..." I stop myself from completing that thought. I can't believe I'm telling him this. I need to be strong right now, for everyone. That includes Kaidan. I can't be falling apart like this. What was I thinking?

I pull away from him and stand up. "You know what, why don't we go have that tea?" He stares up at me inquiringly, but I brush his stare off and reach out for his hand. Finally, he takes it and I help him to his feet. I stop in the bathroom briefly to make sure I look fairly put together, then lead him out of my room and to the mess hall. I start making some jokes and soon we settle into a comfortable mood. We chat a little over our tea before we say goodnight and go out separate ways. Tonight, I sleep on the floor under my desk.

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

Two days later, I come back into my room after a long day to find a tarp securely attached to the ceiling and covering the window entirely. I ask EDI for the who, what, and how. She informs me that she granted Kaidan and Garrus access so that they could put it up while I was busy handling the Quarian-Geth situation. I can't help but smile as I crawl into bed. I sleep soundly for the first time since I died.

[lyrishadow]

Fictober 20: The Butcher

Prompt 20: “That’s what I’m known for.” Fandom: Mass Effect Title: The Butcher Pairing: Yohan Shepard /Kaidan Alenko Rating: T Warnings/Tags:

This has been a shit of a mission." Commander Yohan Shepard glanced at Kaidan and sighed "I'm sorry."

"Why apologize to me?"

"Because, Jenkins' death, and whatever the hell happened here, they will pin it on me." Yohan kicked a rock in anger, a blue spark as his combat boot struck it.

"Jenkins' death wasn't your fault." Alenko offered.

They had traveled some distance on Eden Prime since they had landed, the geth had done more than their share of damage here as well as catching them off guard.

"As much mine as any." Yohan shook his head. "We will come back for his body, Alenko, but we need to focus and keep going."

Kaidan nodded his agreement, and they continued.

The landscape was bruised and battered, the people hadn't fared much better. Yohan clenched his fist, he hated civilians being caught in the middle of this crap.

"Commander, watch out, Drones!" Alenko called as they passed some more trees and rocky outcroppings.

"Damn mosquitoes." Yohan snarled as he fired at them. His biotics flared brilliant blue in a shield that enveloped him.

They made it a bit further when the sound of running boots on the ground perked both of them up. Finally finding life or some form of remnant military force was important. Looking around a corner Yoham saw a young female marine sprinting towards them away from several well-armed geth. It was a marine, the one from the vid, now running her life he was no psychologist but he wanted to keep her alive.

"Alenko, cover me to go punch a geth."

"Commander you don't…. " Kakdan stopped as Yohan charged the nearest geth shotgun leveled at its stomach. Shrugging Kaidan focused his biotics and pushed the other geth and took careful aim as they made quick work of them.

Yohan was scowling as he came back to them, he had been close enough to take a good look at the spikes the geth were using.

"Oh my god." The marine took up a defensive stance "You're the butcher of Torfan!"

"That's what I am known for. I'm Commander Yohan Shepard. You are?"

"Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212.”

“Well Williams, Lieutenant Alenko here is a medic, and he’s going to check you for injuries.”

“I’m fine Sir,” Williams said quickly.”I don’t need medical help.”

“Just take a seat for a few minutes, it won’t take long. Here, drink this too, it will help you recover..”Kaidan looked at Yohan who shrugged and looked away a moment; giving the woman time to regain herself - it was a crap situation to be fair, and she had been running for quite a while. Yohan sighed.

“What happened here, Williams?”

“One minute we were running and the next… “ she gestured to the machines they had just fought “Sir I think they are geth.”

“Geth haven’t been seen outside the veil….:

“I know... For years, since the Quarrians left. So why are they here now?” Yohan added, garnering surprised looks from both soldiers, he could still shock people with the fact he had a brain.

"The beacon. They came for the beacon, um Sir." Ashley replied awkwardly.

"So where is that beacon now?" Yohan asked rocking impatiently on his heals I'd like to get this fucking mess over with."

"Um Commander…" Kaidan gestured with a frown, and Yohan sighed, he saw the readout. Williams needed more time wether she wanted it or not. He adjusted hisnshotgynand returned it to his back.

"Alright. First we eat. Then we get the hell out of here Ok?"