#I���ve reread the series in full 3 times

[anulithots]

Hello, can I ask from this ask game :

https://www.tumblr.com/threecheersforinking/677824836625694720/anime-ask-game?source=share

For these series : JJK, TMNT, and Link Click ?

Thanks 🌻

(my post got wiped and I cry)

Thank you for the ask! I'll answer in order... although note that I have suuuchhh a hard time picking favorites for things/shows I like, but I shall try my best!

Jujutsu Kaisen

Favorite Character: Itadori yuji. One of the best written protagonists of all time. I love how he takes the 'wants to save everyone' trope and gives it the underlying reasoning of the avoidance of regret and grief, and the desire to not die alone because so far he has been alone (for whatever reason, I see it as because he was 'too nice' and would beat up the 'popular bullies'. Hence why he called himself a loner and hence why he became so attached to Nobara and Fushiguro despite the little time he's known them.) Also how this underlying narrative is tested and builds more nuance and flaws as the series goes on... overall Yuji's arc up until the Shibuya incident is very well done. (I have... mixed feelings post Shibuya and honestly would need to reread that whole arc)

Favorite Arc/Episode/Scene: Honestly.... the cursed womb arc. I know, I know, there's the hidden inventory and the shibuya incident and Maki's massacre of her family and the Gojo vs Sukuna fight... but hear me out. My favorite parts of storytelling are theme exploration, and I think this arc does it for Yuji's underlying motivations to save everyone. This arc builds nuance to this part of Yuji's character, contrasting his ideals with Fushiguro's logic: 'what if someone you save hurts other people in the future'. How Yuji then takes this upon himself, how the narrative says that perhaps the better option would've been to kill Yuji in the first chapter, how Fushiguro denies this and it gives Yuji hope for himself, has always given him hope, and always will. (So he has to save Megumi. I'm willing it into existence. Gege make it happen.)

Character I Think is Underrated: Yuji. Yuta. Maki. Mai. Mechamaru. Miwa. Shoko. Nobara. Fushiguro. ... most JJK characters honestly. There are a few characters that get the most attention from the fandom (they know who), and while they are AMAZING characters who DESERVE the attention they get... so does everyone else. Yuji is one of the most amazinggg protagonists I've ever seeeen and yet he gets little to no analysis and I got burnt out just before I could make a full analysis about him so yea I'm a hypocrite when I say this. But still. More attention to the rest of the cast please. Thank you <3

Character I Think is Overrated: I KNOW HE"S WELL WRITTEN AND A REALLY NUANCED AND INTERESTING CHARACTER WHO EMBODIES THE THEMES BUT.... Gojo Satoru, the fandom treats you as the best character in the animanga despite you're very character being about the desire to be treated as an individual like everyone else. And to be clear, I'm not saying that we should love Gojo less, far from it, I'm saying we should love the other characters more.

Favorite Ship/Pairing: (Note that I prefer dynamics to shipping although I do like shipping. I also tend to love shipping queer platonically and rave about dynamics and interactions) A tie between Satosugu and Itafushi (they parallel each other so how could I not love both of their dynamics?).. although I'm quite fond of Itadori x Junpei. They could've been the 'movie nerd duo' and they would've had the best moral parallels, especially when you consider Mahito and how they were treated (one was bullied and the other tries to fight against bullies) and how they see grief and kaljfalksdfklasdjf it would've been wonderous. I also think Yuta and Yuji are an underutilized dynamic (not shipping them). I would've loved to see more interactions and comparisons between them. IT WOULD"VE BEEN SOOO COOL I WOULD"VE BEEN OBSESSSED.

Something I Love About the Show/Movie: Each character has such nuance and embodies a section of the themes about Jujutsu society and how that effects the morals of an individual, and each character is nuanced and honestly the recent arcs do not fall short because of the characters, but because of the underutilization and pacing more so. Quite sad but when Jujutsu Kaisen shines it SHINES.

... I feel like these were supposed to be one sentence answers but it's fine... ONE DOWN TWO TO GO!

Tmnt (I've only seen Rottmnt so we're doing that one)

Favorite Character: DONATELLO (with a book in hand, saves the day and proves to everyone that he's the ma-). Okay but seriously he's portrayed as a character that cares in his own way in a POSITIVE LIGHT. Soooo many other shows would've taken his basic character and showcased it as selfish but Donnie is far from that. He likes his alone time and has a creative and analytical mind and interprets the world through his creations and interests and that is A GOOD THING THAT HE DOES NOT HAVE TO CHANGE. As a fellow creative an analytical mind that interprets the world through my interests and has been told I'm selfish and self-obsessed, Donnie means so much to me. (Yes, he's my #1 kin)

Favorite Arc/Episode/Scene: kjalfkljasdkfj OKAY OKAY.... I forget the name of it but the episode where Splinter takes Donnie's turtle tank to the demolition derby. I know I had another favorite episode(s) when I was in full hyperfixation, but to be honest it's been a while. My favorite episodes are the Donnie-centric ones (obviously), especially when he's with Mikey because that duo is ✨peak✨. But for the demolition derby episode, I think it provides a great view into Splinter's psyche as chasing the high of his prime, along with Donnie's desire for his dad to be proud of him. (I kin, I kin, I kin so much.) Also Mikey being the level-headed one in this situation. Absolute peak.

Character I Think is Underrated: Raph for sure. He's the sweetest older brother ever with just as much character nuance as the other three, and yet he gets the least amount of attention from the fandom as far as I've seen. (Again I'm a hypocrite for saying this but I do think Raph deserves more love.) Also April.. Casey... GAhhhhh I wish Rise got a season threeeee it would've been wonderous.

Character I Think is Overrated: I don't think any of the characters are necessarily overrated. I don't understand why everyone loves the disaster twins so much. (I feel like you could make them more 'disaster' if you have them bicker and cause issues rather than all of the 'they are each other's favorite person' that the fandom does. HOWEVER, I love the fandom interpretations of them, and overall, I love the rottmnt fandom a LOT, best fanfics and fanart and fancomics everrr)

Favorite Ship/Pairing: (not shipping/no tcest) Donnie and Mikey for sureee. It's the perfect combination of overdramatic mad scientist /aff with silly crazy-powerful artist /aff. What's not to love? Also the way that they contrast with each other, opposites yet similar, it's wonderous.

Something I Love About the Show/Movie: It's what got me into loving slice-of-life/episodic narratives, and what got me to release my 'every story needs to have only important scenes with conflict' mindset when it comes to storytelling. Rottmnt is mainly the brothers hanging out with each other and going on the odd adventure and it's wonderous. It's amazing storytelling because it differs from the predecessor's saving the world. It's silly and jovial and feels like siblings having fun with each other. AND YES I have three other siblings and we've been socially isolated for the longest time because of multiple mowings (pre-covid) and covid (made it no better) and our family in general being undiagnosed neurodivergent introverts and rottmnt means a loooot to me for what it is and what it offered to me. I was in one of the longest spirals of my life at the time and rottmnt brought back color to my monochromatic life and IT SHOULD GET A SEASON THREE BRING BACK RISE KAJFLSKDJFKLd

ANd yet again.. Noorie has rambled. Noorie will ramble again, here we go:

Link Click

(I started scrolling on the link click gifs and the musical is sooo cuttee i love all their interactions akfaskldfj)

Also note this is my most recent hyperfixation and it usually takes me about a month or two to have the most fleshed out thoughts but I shall try!

Favorite Character: You. can't. do. this. to. me. /pos KLJDKLFJSDKLJFKLDJF HOWWW DO I DECIDEEEEE NOO. KAS FAHHSHF. Okie okie er... Cheng Xiaoshi. I still have to dissect and analyze him but he's just SUCH a good character. The way his backstory is revealed bit by bit until the end of season one where we get his full flashback scene is sooo interestingg and effectiveee AAA- Plus the way he's overwhelmed with emotions easily, how easily he trusts others, even more than he trusts himself, how he seems to be 'just a little silly', and he is silly, but when given time to process his thoughts and emotions, he is quite strategic and effective at adapting his plans to the situation. (Which is especially interesting in how that contrasts Lu Guang's need to have control over everything, the general inflexibility of his plans). Also how Cheng Xiaoshi teases Lu Guang and how much he loves and clings to those he loves. How much he wishes for his parents to return and how much hope he has that he can save everyone/bring everyone together and keep them from leaving him again. THERE'S SO MANY LAYYERRRS I NEED TO DECIPHER THEM ALLL

Favorite Arc/Episode/Scene: howwww dooo I deciddeee it's alll dooonee sooo weelll. Nott a singgllllee baddd orrr borrinngg eppiisoddeee I sobbbbb I can't pick a favoritteeee. ... OKay this might be because I just finished watching episode five, but that whole arc (episodes 3-5) is done so well and starts off with a silly basketball game that gives more information on Lu Guang and CHeng Xiaoshi's relationship and slowly builds to the earthquake and the most devastating backstory to present day scenes I've ever seen for a character. From a storytelling perspective Link Click is just so well done all around and this arc exemplifies that. I also loveee any moments of Cheng Xiaoshi and Qiao LIng being siblings. Also, QIao Ling slapping Qian Jin and just season twooo is crazzzyyyyy. I can't pick on whether I love season two or season one more despite them having two different narrative structures... I just remember season one more because it's episodic and I have it downloaded on my computer. (It was on internet archive... and it would be NICE if season two was on there toooo)

Character I Think is Underrated: Honestly, all characters are given lots of love and attention for the amount of screentime they get. Qiao Ling could always use more love though. Qiao Ling supremacy.

Character I Think is Overrated: None really. The fandom is really nice and really good at art and writing and the ANALYSIS HOLY HERBS *sparkle eyes*. It's all wonderous and I love Link Click soooo muuuuchhhh

Favorite Ship/Pairing: Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang are literally queer platonic partners in cannon. /half joking but for real the act like queer platonic partners. With all the making noodles and dumplings for each other and the constant reassurances and canonical cuddling (they held hands in season two aklfjasdklf) plus how much they canonically care for each other. I rambled about that on another ask but they have constant shows of affection and how much they tease each other and they are probably my favorite pairing everrr. ALSO Cheng Xiaoshi and Qiao Ling as siblings (not shipped) are peak fiction. They have the most bickering yet reassuring dynamic ever. Part of the reason why I like that season two has less dives is that it gives QIao Ling more screen time and really makes her part of the trio. The backstory with them both means everything to me. It's so sweet and saddd I sobbb.

Something I Love About the Show/Movie: Literally what's not to love? APPARENTLY THERE'S A GAZILLION AND ONE MEDIUMS, NOT JUST THE SHOW and they're all amazing??? I want the adaptation of the donghua into the manhua sooo baddd. The pacing is done to perfection, never once was I bored. The 20-minute episodes felt like five minutes while still covering so much ground and giving each character the time they deserve to develop them (although Lu Guang... where's the backstory..../pos /j). It perfectly balances humor and silly interactions between the characters with ripping your heart out and making you ugly cry. THe cliffhangers are never annoying and the SOUNDTRACK. THE FRICKING SOUNDTRACK IS WONDEROUS I SANG VORTEX ON REPEAT TO CALM MYSELF FROM PANICING AT MY STATS AP EXAM. The animation is sooo cozy and well done and I want to live in their shop and use my non-existent money to buy as much Link Click things as possible.

Annnddd THat's it! Thank you for the ask! If you've read all the way up to here... I commend you. That's a feat in and of itself.

[theastrophilearchitect]

February 2021 wrap-up.

Every book, audiobook, tv show and movie I consumed in February.

The phrase ‘wrap-up’ is so boring. I want to talk about books, TV shows and movies, so I can’t even call it a ‘reading wrap-up’, however pleasingly alliterative that sounds despite the fact that ‘wrap’ actually begins with a W. One of my favourite YouTubers, polandbananasBOOKS (that capitalisation is loud) calls her wrap-ups ‘Stories I Ate This Month’ which I love, but using exactly that seems wrong. I genuinely debated calling this ‘My Media Diet’, but the word ‘diet’ has so many negative connotations to me, so I dropped that. Besides ‘wrap-up’ all in lowercase followed by a full stop is aesthetically pleasing.

The Hunger Games and Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins (audiobook) I’ve read this series countless times. I read the series first time through six years ago, and, after finishing it, I just kept rereading it during silent reading time at school, so God only knows how many times I’ve read it at this point. This is actually the second time I’ve listened to this audiobook, and I still, of course, love it. When I first read it, this book stuck with me. It was the first teen book I ever read and, most unfortunately, put me into a dystopian phase. However, we got over that. I’m good now. I promise.

You know what this is about, but here it is anyway: in a dystopian future (of literally just North America, it never mentions what’s happening anywhere else), a country called Panem (literally the whole of North America) is divided into the luxurious, utopian Capitol, and thirteen districts, all of which gather or produce something for the Capitol. Some of the districts live in poverty, while others are afforded some luxuries but nowhere near those of the Capitol. It never really explains how this system came to be, but then there was a rebellion against the Capitol in which District Thirteen was destroyed, and every year two teenagers from each district are chosen to compete in the Hunger Games, where twenty-four tributes are put in an arena together to fight to the death, and the last person standing emerges victorious. It feels so strange to talk about the basic premise of this book without going into the rest of the trilogy, but I’ll leave it here.

I hate how the media washes this book out and plays it off as just another love triangle, which it barely even is. It has such an important message about society, and the fact that the media does that just proves how accurate it is. I can’t believe when I first read it I was actually Team Gale, but in truth I think that was just because I liked Liam Hemsworth better than Josh Hutcherson, which I still do, but not the point. Anyway, the narrator is excellent.

I’m not giving these booksa rating, both because it’s a reread and I like to base ratings off my initial opinion, and because the first time I read this book I was literally a small child, and part of my love is the nostalgia.

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by VE Schwab

This was the first book I read with my eyes this month, and I ended up getting the ebook because it was just so much cheaper than getting a physical copy - I may have invested if I loved the UK cover as much as the US, I’m ashamed to say (above is UK). It was not what I was expecting.

This book was much more contemplation-heavy than I was expecting and actually very light on plot. In 1714, Adeline LaRue runs away from her wedding and prays to Gods, wishing to be free, and is answered by the darkness, who makes her a deal: he grants her immortality, and she promises him her soul when she doesn’t want it anymore. He, wanting her soul, twistedly grants her freedom by cursing her to be forgotten by everyone she ever meets. Three hundred years later, she meets someone who remembers her.

It’s really about life, freedom and time - there’s no direct message or moral, at least not that I picked up on, but it really makes you think. I do enjoy that in a book, but not as much as one where i just love the story. I generally prefer books where I’m rooting for the characters, and it’s full of ships - the kind of stories you would write fanfiction about, but this is the kind of book that I think will stick with me. I take issue with how cliché the ending was, though.

Anyway, I’m not actually sure how I want to rate this. As a British teenager, I’m not actually that familiar with lettered ratings, and I don’t really want to use stars, but I think I’m going to suck it up. Maybe I’ll think of something else eventually.

Rating: 4.5 stars - books that get five stars from me are generally based on the enjoyment factor, but this book deserved more than four.

Arrow Season 1

I’ve been semi-interested in the Arrowverse/DC TV universe for a while, and finally took the opportunity to delve in. This show is so insanely CW - everyone has that look, it has that tone and it takes itself way too seriously. By the 23rd time you’re hearing it, the recap becomes painful to listen to.

This was the first show in DC’s saga - the show picks up as Oliver Queen returns home from being stranded on an island for five years after a cruise ship sank. When the ship went down, his billionaire father sacrificed himself to save Oliver, and left him with a list of ‘the people poisoning [his] city’. Upon returning home, Oliver becomes the vigilante who will eventually become known as ‘Arrow’ or ‘Green Arrow’ (currently unclear; I’m not a comic book person) but is currently dubbed just ‘the Hood’ or ‘the vigilante’, with the goal of taking down the people on the list. It’s very intense.

It took me about ten episodes to actually get invested - which is nearly seven hours watch time - but, ultimately, I’m glad that I did. Aside from the excessive CW-ness of this show, I love the characters and I want to see what happens.

Still, why is everyone so obsesses with Laurel? What’s so great about Laurel? I don’t get it. Felicity is 10000% the best character - she’s relatable, cute, and I high-key ship her with Oliver.

This little rant of mine was unintelligible.

Rating: 4 stars

Guardians of the Galaxy

I’m not explaining what this movie is about. Honestly. This was just a rewatch: I’m currently rewatching every MCU movie in chronological order (as in, starting with Captain America: The First Avenger instead of Iron Man). For every TV season I finish, I watch a a movie, and I alternate between movie series, one of which is, at the moment, MCU films. It’s hard for me to briefly explain my weird watching patterns.

I love this movie so much. It was the first really upbeat MCU movie, and I love the characters.

I don’t really have much to say about this, but if you haven’t watched MCU movies, please watch them. Even if you don’t want to, this movie is absolutely worth watching and you don’t need to watch any other MCU movies for context.

I Am Not Okay With This Season 1

I’m reeling from this show. I literally can’t tell whether or not this is getting a second season; it seems like it was meant to, but then got cancelled, and now I can’t tell.

This show follows a high school student named Sydney. She’s your typical outcast, and isn’t interested in getting ‘in’ - she’s best friends with a girl named Dina; they both came to their school around the same time and ended up friends, though Dina is your typical pretty girl. Then Syd discovers she has powers that operate based on her emotions, and I really don’t want to say anything else. But it does star Sophia Lillis and Wyatt Oleff, who you likely know as two of the kids in IT (the clown movie, not like computing).

Honestly, episodes 1-6 were very chill, more focused on teenage life than her powers, then episode 7 brought it. Up until the end of episode 7, I enjoyed the show and would be happy to watch a second season, but I wasn’t particularly invested or excited by it. Then episode 7. I would love a second season of this show. I have to at least know where the writers were going with it.

This show came out last year, and I only just got to it, but I can’t believe I haven’t heard anybody talking about it. It’s intense, it’s entertaining, and the first season will only take up about two and a half hours of your time (it’s seven 19-28 minute episodes).

Rating: 4 stars

Blue Lily, Lily Blue and The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater

I listened to The Raven Cycle audiobooks in 2019, and I’m not sure why because I didn’t even enjoy them that much. I did, however, decide I wanted to read Call Down the Hawk, the first book in the spin-off series, and that meant I had to reread The Raven Cycle since I had paid so little attention to the audiobooks, which I started in January and I love this series. Not what I expected from a reread of a series I paid virtually no attention to, but here we are.

This is book 3 in The Raven Cycle series, book 1 being The Raven Boys, which is a paranormal book in which the protagonist Blue, is the only non-psychic in a family of psychics, and has been told her whole life that if she kisses her true love, she will kill him. Then, on St Somebody’s Eve (Mark’s? I want to say Mark’s but I’m not sure), when she goes with her aunt to see the spirits of the people who will die in the next year, she sees one of the spirits, a boy from Aglionby Academy, the local private school, meaning he is either her true love, or she is the one who kills him, which in her case, could very much be both. Then that boy schedules a reading with her psychic family to help him find an old Welsh king, and there is so much more than that to this glorious series, but I’ll stop here.

I think my main thing in books and general media is the characters. They have to follow some kind of sensible plot, but if I’m not invested in the characters, I can’t get invested in the story. I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever been so in love with a cast of characters, not even in Six of Crows - this story is so character-driven, and I can’t get enough. This was an excellent continuation, and so much happened, but it did feel like its purpose was just to set up the final book, so I didn’t enjoy this one quite as much as the previous two.

Rating: 4 stars

As for The Raven King - this was the last book I read this month, finishing it on the morning of the 27th because I knew I would have very little reading time from mid-afternoon until twenty-four hours later.

In complete honesty, I found the climax of this book to be a little rushed - we spend the whole series aware that Gansey’s looking for Glendower, but it never seems to be more prevalent than just their general investigations as to what the hell is happening. As a result, when it came to that in this book, it felt a little out of the blue (no pun intended).

Regardless, this series so well balances strong characters and strong plot where so many others fail, and I love it.

Rating: 5 stars

Fate: The Winx Saga Season 1

This show is a live-action rated-15 Netflix adaptation of one of my favourite childhood shows, Winx Club. And, honestly, you can tell.

I tried to watch this objectively, instead of complaining about how they cut some of my favourite characters and changed so many (Tecna, Riven, Beatrix, Stella, Brandon etc.). While I was upset about some of the cuts, I can agree that they were best for the story. Where in the original, every fairy had their own unique powers, this adaptation splits it into five elements: fire (Bloom), water (Aisha - on another note, screw Aisha, honestly), air (Beatrix), earth (Terra) and mind (Musa), though Stella still has light powers? Which is never explained?

Anyway, this follows teenage Bloom as she discovers she’s a fairy and goes through her first year at a fairy school called Alfea.

I’m not going to go too deep into this because I have so much to say about this show that i think I’m going to make a whole separate review rather than bore you with it now. 

Quality-wise, this show was mediocre, but enjoyment and nostalgia raise its rating for me because I’m biased.

Rating: 4 stars

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

This is both Bardugo’s first adult novel and her first novel not set in the Grishaverse. I read the Grisha trilogy for the first time years ago and didn’t like it that much, but followed that right up with the Six of Crows duology which I loved. I read King of Scars in 2019 when it came out, and started listening to the King of Scars audiobook just before I started reading this in preparation for Rule of Wolves at the end of March.

I loved this. I don’t think I have anything to criticise quality-wise - the characters had depth, there were plot twists and strong subplots, the world was incredibly well built, and the only thing that got me to put this book down was taking a week to start working on my own writing project (post coming soon). Because I took that week completely off reading, this book took me about two weeks total from start to finish, but it was so worth it.

This novel follows Alex Stern, a twenty-year-old whose friends have all been murdered. She was found beside one of them who died of a overdose, with the same drug in her system. But Alex can see ghosts, and, soon after her friends’ deaths, is consequently offered a scholarship to Yale University, on the condition that she works for the ninth House of the Veil to monitor the activities of Yale’s secret societies.

In complete candour, I found this book somewhat convoluted, though most of that was probably mainly my own poor reading comprehension. Regardless, I loved the plot, and am very highly anticipating the eventual release of its as-of-yet unnamed sequel.

Rating: 4.5 stars

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

So I actually finished this audiobook briefly after finishing Blue Lily, Lily Blue, but I’m tacking it on here because I forgot to add it to the list and already explained my Grishaverse experience in my Ninth House comments.

So, yes, I love this duology, and it really opened a new compartment in my writing brain, even though I haven’t really taken advantage of that writing brain until now (again, post coming soon).

King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo

I am realising I’ve read eight books this month, and nearly half of them were by Leigh Bardugo. Which makes sense, considering how much I enjoy her books.

This book is slower-paced than most of hers, but it does follow two (one of which splits again) completely separate storylines, and is still excellent and entertaining.

I listened to this for a recap before Rule of Wolves is released on March 30th.

[longsightmyth]

2019 Book Recap

Look we’re not going to talk Sarah Janet in this okay. We all know I don’t like her books. I’m not counting them towards this sort of thing, I have plenty of tags about it. This is the breakdown of ratings. Please keep in mind that while I have five stars to work with on goodreads, I have half stars to work with in my heart and my shelving system. 

0.5 Stars

Dragon’s Time, by Todd McCaffrey

1 Star

No one stars this year, go figure

1.5 Stars

The Mists of Avalon (Avalon, #1) by Marion Zimmer Bradley (reread)

2 Stars

A Darker Shade of Magic (Shades of Magic, #1) by VE Schwab

Mortal Heart (His Fair Assassin, #3) by Robin LaFevers

2.5 Stars

None this year!

3 Stars

I appear to have no three star reads in 2019 either

3.5 Stars

Full of Briars (October Daye, #9.3) by Seanan McGuire

The Winter Long (October Daye, #8)

The Brightest Fell (October Daye, #11)

The Agincourt Bride (Catherine de Valois, #1) by Joanna Hickson

Season of the Witch (The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, #1) by Sarah Rees Brennan

Night and Silence (October Daye #12)

Spin the Dawn (The Blood of Stars, #1)

4 Stars

Midnight Riot (Peter Grant, #1) by Ben Aaronovitch

Knight's Shadow (Greatcoats, #2) by Sebastien de Castell

An Artificial Night (October Daye, #3)

Tobias Winter - Meckenheim 2012 (Rivers of London #1.6) by Ben Aaronovitch

Hard in Hightown by ‘Varric Tethras’

Once Broken Faith (October Daye, #10)

A Red-Rose Chain (October Daye, #9)

Courting Darkness (Courting Darkness Duology #1) by Robin LaFevers

Late Eclipses (October Daye, #4)

Midnight Riot (Peter Grant, #1) by Ben Aaronovitch

One Salt Sea (October Daye, #5)

The Ruin of a Rake (The Turner Series, #3) by Cat Sebastian

A Local Habitation (October Daye, #2)

4.5 stars

The Hanging Tree (Peter Grant, #6)

Lies Sleeping (Peter Grant, #7)

Foxglove Summer (Peter Grant, #5)

Broken Homes (Peter Grant, #4)

The Fixed Stars (October Daye, #8.5)

Chimes at Midnight (October Daye, #7)

Whispers Under Ground (Peter Grant, #3)

Ashes of Honor (October Daye, #6)

Moon Over Soho (Peter Grant, #2)

Once Ghosted, Twice Shy (Reluctant Royals, #2.5) by Alyssa Cole

Can't Escape Love (Reluctant Royals, #2.6)

A Prince on Paper (Reluctant Royals, #3)

The Home Crowd Advantage (Peter Grant, #1.5)

A Gentleman Never Keeps Score (Seducing the Sedgwicks, #2) by Cat Sebastian

5 Stars

Nightingale: London 1966 (Peter Grant, #0.5)

The Austen Playbook (London Celebrities, #4) by Lucy Parker

[machinequeen4]

Fic rec bingo list!

I thought I’d fill out this fic rec bingo card, posted by @lightveils on Twitter!

It sort of turned into the History of MachineQueen in Fanfiction. All you unsung heroes who write and publish fanfic, I love you and remember your names.

Recs for Fire Emblem Fates, Fire Emblem Three Houses, Yu-gi-oh, Doctor Who, RWBY, Ace Attorney, Tales of Graces follow!

1. A fic you love without knowing the source material

Undone - codenamecynic, Dragon Age II, E rated, Fenris/Female Hawke, multichap 135k words

https://archiveofourown.org/works/482156/chapters/838851

I know nothing about Dragon Age and can’t remember why I decided to read it. TV Tropes maybe?  From what I can tell it’s the events of the game with additional sex scenes. Hawke is witty, Fenris is a tragic broken bird, I was sold.

2. A fic with a premise that shouldn’t work but it does

Trial and Error - undieshogun, Fire Emblem Fates, T rated, Subaki/Takumi, multichap 15k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6890677/chapters/15719992

Not so much a premise but a ship I wasn’t convinced on. But it had Subaki in it so I gave it a try. It’s really cute - Subaki tries to teach Takumi social skills, much to his annoyance. 

This line alone is gold star characterisation:

"I couldn't tell you why Tsubaki has taken such a liking to you, but I do know that any time he wants to befriend someone, it's because he sees in them something he lacks."

3. A fic you’ve reread several times

Gratitude - GoldenThreads, Fire Emblem Three Houses, T rated, Hubert/Ferdinand, multichap 8k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20344273/chapters/48239686

The writing style is so beautifully layered that I find new meaning every time I read it. The scene where Ferdinand offers a hairpin for each story Hubert tells is gorgeous, one of my favourites to reread. 

4. A fic you still remember many years later

A Song I Think I Heard Before - Scribbler, Yu-gi-oh, T rated, Mai/Jounouchi (Joey), multichap 40k

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5924028/1/A_Song_I_Think_I_Heard_Before

My favourite Mai fic. This gives her a backstory with Dartz based villainy and recontextualises her relationship with Jou (Joey in the dub, most YGO authors used the JP names to distance themselves from 4Kids’ added cheese). I was on tenterhooks waiting for each new chapter. It’s got real emotional depth, capturing Mai’s cynical nature perfectly. Also I still think about/use the phrase bumblefuck in the morning. 

5. A comfort fic

just a little stuck on you (you’ll be on me too) - flowermoons, Fire Emblem Three Houses, T rated, Hubert/Ferdinand, one chap 33k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21875707

This brings the cast of FE3H to the modern world and drops them into reality TV show The X Factor. There’s no war or death angst, just a singing contest. I grew up with The X Factor on TV on a Saturday night so this was a delight. Like me, the author is cynical about reality TV which makes the fic even more engaging. Ferdinand mourning his long hair after he cuts it and Hubert running round London looking for him really made my day. 

6. A catharthic fic

Long and Lost - Windian, Tales of Graces, M rated, Richard/Asbel, multichap 36k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5357546/chapters/12372899

Listen game, you can’t spend 40 hours having the protagonist’s motivation as ‘save Richard’ and then pull a no homo on me! In this fic Asbel dutifully marries Cheria only for the whole thing to collapse in on itself when he realises he’s in love with Richard after all. The snow storm scene is something I’ll always remember.

7. A fic you’d like to print and put on your bookshelf

Revival series - MyAibou, Yu-gi-oh,  T rated, multiship, many k

http://fanfiction.net/s/2681684/1/Revival-Prologue-Paradox

This is split into multiple parts and has another multipart followup. A continuation of Yu-gi-oh Duel Monsters with shipping and very decent original characters including villains. My polarshipping heart is in love with this scene on the clifftop in part 2 chapter 11 - a slow dance to the sound of the waves to help Mai remember she isn’t alone *melts into a puddle*

8. A fic you associate with a song

Who I Am Hates Who I’ve Been - darkrunner, Yu-gi-oh, rated K+, Mai/Jou, multichap 9k

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4445992/1/Who-I-Am-Hates-Who-I-ve-Been

It’s titled after a song. This was one of the first fics I ever found, read and loved. I was way too shy to review but I loved this author dearly. Good old angst & hurt/comfort with a happy ending. A happy ending for Mai was all I wanted haha!

9. A fic that inspires you

Patience, Ponies and Pastries - GoldenThreads, Fire Emblem Three Houses, T rated, Hubert/Ferdinand, multichap, 27k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20722859/chapters/49231019

A shipping fic where the two characters being shipped spend most of the fic apart! This author is so good at characterising the pair, there are treasures hidden throughout. I never thought reading about horses of all things could make me so emotional... 

And this passage from Ferdinand’s point of view:

As long as Hubert did not truly reject such affection, did not throw him in the stocks for his bleeding heart, then he did not require reciprocation. He required that Hubert be cherished, and that was that.

10. A fic that brought you on board a new ship

Marik and Bakura Go To Censored Town - Little Kuriboh, Yu-gi-oh, M rated, multichap, 24k

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6954805/1/Marik-Bakura-Go-To-Censored-Town

I spent most of my Yu-gi-oh fandom life wishing there were more fics about Mai and tended to avoid the big slash ships. However, Yu-gi-oh Abridged’s strongest pair were always Marik and Bakura. When I read this fic I realised yes, Marik being an idiot and Bakura being the straight man (not literally) makes this ship sing.

11. A fic you wish could be a movie

Denial & Deception - Bohemienne, Fire Emblem Three Houses, M rated, multichap, 74k (incomplete)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20895731/chapters/49671050

The setting of Derdriu is so lushly described that it would make a wonderful movie setting. Additional points for the masked ball chapters! 

Hubert and Ferdinand infiltrate the Leicester Alliance using a fake relationship. It goes as well as you might expect. There is comedy, there is romance and the whole thing makes you want to smack Hubert round the face with a fish. 

12. A fic that led to you making friends with the author

Past Future Continuous - HermitsUnited, Doctor Who, T rated, multichap 20k

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4917490/1/Past-Future-Continuous

We are not in contact anymore but we shared a love of Donna Noble. This shines through in all her alternate season 5 fics! 

13. A fic you’ve gushed about IRL

Festering Under Your Skin - Bohemienne, Fire Emblem Three Houses, M rated, multichap 52k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20465312/chapters/48559553

My poor gf had to put up with me going on about this one. Lady Edelgard is dead and Ferdinand is a Blue Lion who spares Hubert. All of this is played for maximum dramatic potential. Special marks for the scene where Ferdinand accidentally poisons himself with Hubert’s coffee. So brilliantly in character for both of them. And excellently foreshadowed earlier in the fic where an imprisoned Hubert keeps asking for his coffee... 

14. A fic you associate with a place

Heart of Defiance - battlemage15, RWBY, M rated, multichap 150k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7896874/chapters/18038116

I downloaded this to my phone and read it on the top deck of the number 6 bus as it bumped along the country roads of deepest Devon. I was on my way to job interviews in the city and the trip was 2 hours long. The fic itself is a Yang centric shonen power fantasy that goes to pretty dark places. 

15. A fic that made you gasp out loud

Blood and Ink - ShowMeYourFury, RWBY, M rated, Cinder/Ruby, multichap 45k

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11754595/1/Blood-and-Ink

This fic is ruthless with Cinder’s villainy. Every time you think she can’t go any further, she does. I love it. 

16. A fic you found at the right time

Forward - Lyricanna, Fire Emblem Fates, not rated, multichap, 34k (incomplete)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12747516/chapters/29075913

I love the concept of this fic so much. Subaki is selected to be a Hoshidan ambassador in Nohr and gets lumped with Niles as a guide. Neither is having a good time. There is a plot going on involving kidnapping and asassination that forces them to work together. 

17. A fic that you would read fic of

The Obligatory Hot Spring Scene - Scribbler, Yu-gi-oh, T rated, oneshot, sub 1k

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6368612/1/The-Obligatory-Hot-Spring-Scene

Written as though the characters are actors and canon is a TV show. I love this concept and would read more in a similar vein

18. A fic that made you laugh out loud

Surrender To Your Peace - spiralpegasus, Fire Emblem Three Houses, M rated, Sylvain/Felix, one chap, 11k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20757260

“This is very unfortunate,” Dimitri says with a frown. “As the leader of this mission, I will take full responsibility and use the Swamp Bedroll.”

One does not simply sacrifice themselves to He Who Saw The Bottom Of The Earth And Lived with such a cavalier attitude. “You know your guilt complex doesn’t actually have to extend to sleeping in a gross swamp bag,” Sylvain tells him disbelievingly.

“I agree, Your Highness,” Dedue says, setting He Whose Stench Haunts The Dreams Of Man down on the ground with a delicate sort of distaste. “None of us need use this… bedroll.” He says bedroll the same way he says food when it’s Flayn’s turn to cook.

19. A fic with a line or two you’ve memorised by heart

one sentiment enlightens to another - newamsterdam, Fire Emblem Three Houses, G rated, Hubert/Ferdinand, oneshot 6k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21074840

Ferdinand rolls his eyes. “Of course I do, Hubert. I remember very well. I just— well. Perhaps I’ve overestimated you.”

Hubert, who has spent the better part of the past few weeks believing he constantly underestimates Ferdinand, bristles.

Not the exact lines but I always keep this in mind when writing the ship. I think these hit on the fundamental misunderstanding between the two characters. Hubert is only human, not some all powerful hero/villain. And Ferdinand isn’t stupid just because he’s honest and emotional. I think the two of them have trouble getting their heads round these concepts!

20. A fic that gave you butterflies

Ataraxia - Windian, Tales of Graces, T rated, Cheria/Pascal, 13k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7828981/chapters/17871247

"I want you," Cheria tells her, and the night catches like a rubber band. Her hands are in Pascal's hair, Pascal's arms around hers, her mouth on hers. Their kisses are sloppy and messy, noses knocking against one another, but it's everything and it's nothing at all like kissing Asbel.

When they break for air, Pascal tells her, "You don't know how long I've wanted to do this, Cheria."

Cheria asks, "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I dunno Cheria, because you were gonna marry Asbel, maybe?"

It stops her in her tracks. Voice low, she asks, "What am I going to tell him?"

Pascal cups either side of her face. Kisses her, so hot and hard that Cheria's left seeing stars, clinging at the strings of Pascal's swimsuit like a shipwrecked sailor to a spar.

"Screw it. Think about it in the morning. For once in your life, do something you want."

21. A fic that embodies something you value in life

The Truth About Love - MistressAkira, Fire Emblem Fates, T rated, Niles/Subaki, 2k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12036081

This fic is experimental in style - the author descrbes it as a soliloquy. The sentiment I take from it is that love is compromising, inconvenient, illogical. Yet it’s still something beautiful and something worth fighting for.

22. A favourite AU

Mobius - SirTeateiMoonlight, Xenoblade Chronicles, T rated, multichap, 17k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17845748/chapters/42111473

Melia finds a copy of Xenoblade, plays it and knows exactly what’s going on in the story. She uses this knowledge to her advantage. It’s a slippery slope. By the end of the story she’s mercilessly torturing Lorothia against her brother’s wishes. 

23. A fic you’ve stayed up late to finish reading

Dirty Sympathy - ideny, Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney, M rated, Klavier/Apollo, 130k on AO3 not sure on kink meme

https://bludhavens.livejournal.com/88397.html?thread=41790541#t41790541

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1075868/chapters/2160789

I stayed up reading this until 4am and for some reason (probably tiredness) confessed this to my not-yet-gf. She cites this as one of the moments she fell for me!

It’s a dark fic in which Klavier and Apollo are both in abusive relationships with villains. They concoct a plot to implicate the two of them in criminal activities to escape and fall for each other along the way. 

24. A fic that made you feel seen

i knew you were trouble - Magepaw, Fire Emblem Fates, M rated, Niles/Subaki, 8k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19314568

First of all the title is one of my favourite songs. Second of all the dialogue is everything I want from the Niles/Subaki ship. Third Subaki’s pegasus makes her presence known. Fourth there is a gory battle scene and hurt/comfort gone wrong. And fifth, a happy ending. 

Niles had to turn away, hand pressed to his mouth, before his own blush betrayed him. This was too good to last. This had to be the most embarrassingly vulnerable moment of his entire life, and of course the entirety of the Nohrian and Hoshidan military combined had to be there to see Niles go soft. 

[the-sound-and-the-fury]

Books of 2018

And here is my my annual book round up! This year I bumped my Goodreads challenge up from 70 to 80, and wound up reading 113 (which is a little less than last year, but some of these books were very long). But I once again benefited from my friend group being so dedicated to harassing each other with more books to read (and also the Silent Book Club that meets in Boston which has given me some time to focus on reading).

But as usual, I’ve bolded my top 18 books, and italicized my next 10 honorable mentions. And I’ve put a strike through my bottom 5 books that I managed to finish. This was a little difficult to do because I reread a few books this year (like Harry Potter, and The Princess Diaries) and I’m not including those.That said, the rereads affected my ratings, and I really didn’t find myself blown away by as many books. This is also possibly because a lot of these books were part of series, but ultimately I felt I had a significant majority of books that were either pretty good or meh.

(I would also link to all my monthly posts for these, but I’d read that links will interfere with searching tags on Tumblr (because this website is working overtime to dig its own grave), so you can just search Books of 2018 on my page for yourself.)

Dirty Deeds - HelenKay Dimon

Wishful Drinking - Carrie Fisher

The Magpie Lord (A Charm of Magpies #1) - KJ Charles

Everything is Awful - Matt Bellassai

Foolish Hearts - Emma Mills (OwlCrate)

A Case of Possession (A Charm of Magpies #2) - KJ Charles

The Dead Moms Club - Kate Spencer

First Frost (Waverly Family #2) - Sarah Addison Allen

The Cruel Prince (The Folk of the Air #1) - Holly Black (January 2018 OwlCrate)

Persepolis Riding (The Expanse #7) - James SA Corey

Flight of Magpies (A Charm of Magpies #3) - KJ Charles

HeartShip (Full Hearts #1) - Amy Jo Cousins

HeartOn (Fully Hearts #2) - Amy Jo Cousins

The Last of August (Charlotte Holmes #2) - Brittany Cavallaro

They Both Die at the End - Adam Silvera

Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli (reread)

Remedial Rocket Science (Chemistry Lessons #1) - Susannah Nix

The Hazel Wood (The Hazel Wood #1) - Melissa Albert (OwlCrate)

Intermediate Thermodynamics (Chemistry Lessons #2) - Susannah Nix

Boy Toys (Hot Off the Ice #3) - AE Wasp

Skater Boy (Hot Off the Ice #4) - AE Wasp

The Comedy of Errors - William Shakespeare

Opal (The Raven Cycle #4.5) - Maggie Stiefvater

Vicious (Villains #1) - VE Schwab

The Case for Jamie (Charlotte Holmes #3) - Brittany Cavallro

When the Moon Was Ours - Anna-Marie McLemore

Working It (Ringside Romance #1) - Christine d’Abo

Faking It (Ringside Romance #2) - Christine d’Abo

The Color of Magic (Discworld #1) - Terry Pratchett

Making It (Ringside Romance #3) - Christine d’Abo

Losing It (Ringside Romance #4) - Christine d’Abo

Advanced Physical Chemistry (Chemistry Lessons #3) - Susannah Nix

Caraval (Caraval #1) - Stephanie Garber

These Vicious Masks (These Vicious Masks #1) - Tarun Shanker and Kelly Zekas

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (HP #1) - JK Rowling

Carry the Ocean (The Roosevelt #1) - Heidi Cullinan

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (HP #2) - JKR

Squared Away (Out of Uniform #5) - Annabeth Albert

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (HP #3) - JKR

Helping Hand (Housemates #1) - Jay Northcote

Ace of Shades (The Shadow Game #1) - Amanda Foody

Like a Lover (Housemates #2) - Jay Northcote

Practice Makes Perfect (Housemates #3) - Jay Northcote

Watching and Wanting (Housemates #4) - Jay Northcote

Puddin’ (Dumplin’ #2) - Julie Murphy

Starting from Scratch (Housemates $5) - Jay Northcote

Pretty in Pink (Housemates #6) - Jay Northcote

Can’t Help Myself - Meredith Goldstein

The Astonishing Color of After - Emily XR Pan

Adrift (Cruising #1) - LA Witt

How to Marry a Werewolf (Claw and Courtship #1) - Gail Carriger

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (HP #4) - JKR

A Court of Frost and Starlight (ACOTAR #3.1) - Sarah J Maas

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (HP #5) - JKR

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (HP #6) - JKR

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (HP #7) - JKR

City of Ghosts (Cassidy Blake #1) - Victoria Schwab

Leah on the Offbeat (Creekwood #2/Simonverse #3) - Becky Albertalli

Level Up - Annabeth Albert

Ship It - Britta Lundin

Failure is an Option - H Jon Benjamin

From Twinkle, With Love - Sandhya Menon

Daughter of the Siren Queen (DOTPK #2) - Tricia Levenseller

I’ll Be Gone in the Dark - Michelle McNamara

Tight Quarters (Out of Uniform #6) - Annabeth Albert

Summer of Salt - Katrina Leno

The Bear and the Nightingale (Winternight Trilogy #1) - Katherine Arden

And I Darken (The Conqueror’s Saga #1) - Kiersten White

On Duty (Smoke and Bullets #1) - AR Barley

Into the Drowning Deep (Rolling in the Deep #1) - Mira Grant

Broken Protocol (Smoke and Bullets #1) - AR Barley

A Duke in the Night (The Devils of Dover #1) - Kelly Bowen

I’ve Got My Duke to Keep Me Warm (The Lords of Worth #1) - Kelly Bowen

A Good Rogue is Hard to Find (The Lords of Worth #2) - Kelly Bowen

You’re the Earl That I Want (The Lords of Worth #3) - Kelly Bowen

Duke of My Heart (Season for Scandal #1) - Kelly Bowen

From the Notebooks of a Middle School Princess (From the Notes of a Middle School Princess #1) - Meg Cabot

Royal Wedding Disaster (From the Notebooks of a Middle School Princess #2) - Meg Cabot

A Duke to Remember (Season for Scandal #2) - Kelly Bowen

Uprooted - Naomi Novik

Royal Crush ( From the Notebooks of a Middle School Princess #3) - Meg Cabot

The Looking Glass - Janet McNally

Royal Crown (From the Notebooks of a Middle School Princess #4) - Meg Cabot

Practical Magic - Alice Hoffman

Princess in Love (The Princess Diaries #3) - Meg Cabot

Competence (The Custard Protocol #3) - Gail Carriger

Empire of Storms (Throne of Glass #5) - Sarah J Maas

Princess in Waiting (The Princess Diaries #4) - Meg Cabot

Girls of Paper and Fire - Natasha Ngan

The Wedding Date - Jasmine Guillory

Muse of Nightmares (Strange the Dreamer #2) - Laini Taylor

Vengeful (Villains #2) - VE Schwab

An Absolutely Remarkable Thing - Hank Green

The Graveyard Book - Neil Gaiman

Syncopation (Twisted Wishes #1) - Anna Zabo

Leo Loves Aries (Signs of Love #1) - Anyta Sunday

Scorpio Hates Virgo (Signs of Love #2) - Anyta Sunday

Gemini Keeps Capricorn (Signs of Love #3) - Anyta Sunday

Before the Devil Breaks You (The Diviners #3) - Libba Bray

The Hating Game - Sally Thorne

Tower of Dawn (Throne of Glass #6) - Sarah J Maas

Kingdom of Ash (Throne of Glass #7) - Sarah J Maas

Pride - Ibi Zoboi

The Final Empire/Mistborn (Mistborn #1) - Brandon Sanderson

The Omega Objection (San Andreas Shifters #2) - GL Carriger

This is Kind of and Epic Love Story - Kheryn Callendar

The Kiss Quotient - Helen Hoang

Strange Practice (Dr. Greta Helsing #1) - Vivian Shaw

Spinning Silver - Naomi Novik

First & Then - Emma Mills

The Bullet Journal Method - Ryder Carroll

What Happens at Christmas - Jay Northcote

Better Not Pout - Annabeth Albert

DNF

The Glass Spare (The Glass Spare #1) - Lauren DeStefano (OwlCrate)

The Taming of the Shrew - William Shakespeare

Running With Lions - Julian Winters

[bewareofchris]

writer woes

so i’ve had several days off because i’m trying to cope with stress and anxiety that feels like its trying to kill me.  And in those days off I”ve been all over tumblr and read all kinds of posts about how terrible writing fanfiction is, and how difficult it is when nobody reviews your things, and how there’s no point in writing if someone isn’t around to tell you that you did a good job.  I mean, I’ve read a few books worth of this at this point.

1. writing fanfiction is hard. 2. wanting validation/praise for doing hard work makes complete and total sense 3. spending time creating something you love and finding nobody else to love it sucks. 4. no, not all writers write for the sake of writing.   5. like no.  I never once wrote a single damn word because i was inspired by the deep, personal love of the craft.  i have written for the following reasons:

a school assignment

to prove i was better than my brother

to make someone like me

to make someone happy

to piss off someone

because my teacher pissed me off

because someone said i couldn’t

because i didn’t think i could

because someone asked me to

because i couldn’t sleep for days

to show off

for the notes

i was angry

nobody else had written what i wanted to read

my best friend told me i was emotionless

my best friend wrote better than i did

i didn’t want to become an alcoholic

to cope with anxiety 

i disagreed with the interpretation of a trope/character

i thought it was a funny idea

6.  I love writing and it’s hell.  It’s constant hell.  I mean, I love it.  I wouldn’t give it up but literal constant hell.  I’ve got scars on my hands and my arm because I can’t cope with the things in my head.  but I can write them out.  so writing is constant, self-inflicted hell.

7.  I actually started out in originals.  I began my long career in fandom by writing terrible gay vampire novels and various other stories involving boys that liked to kiss one another.  I was an uppity little shit, obsessed with death/murder and writing almost exclusively with all male casts.  

8.  in my writing class we had to write fanfiction off a book, no joke.  and since my BFF at the time was like LOOK AT THE GAY ASS GUNDUM BOYS, and I discovered the internet and people who would read my stupid stories, I basically started writing fanfiction for 100 years

9.  i have literally only ever once tried to get something published.  and it was bad and I’m actually very happy it got rejected.

(9a. i have never won a writing contest, ever.  Not in fandom*, not in school, not in professional writing magazines.  *that i intentionally entered, I believe.)

10.  it’s been like my entire life, and everyone i talk to about my writing is like: “oh you should get published, you’re really good” and that’s always a nice pat on the back.  Its uplifting.

11.  but i don’t believe them.  I know I”m a lazy fuck, I know i’m hanging on by a thread here.

12. I also oscillate violently between wanting to be published and giving up before I try.

13. which I tell myself is perfectly okay.  I’ll either get there or I won’t.

14. but wouldn’t it be amazing if I did get published, and became a best-seller and they made a mini-series out of my story.  And I could go online and people would be writing literally the worst fanfiction ever about my characters?

(14a. also, so I could be like: OK HOLLYWOOD YOU CAN HAVE THIS AMAZING CAST OF CHARACTERS AND MY BADASS STORY LINE BUT REMEMBER THERE’S LIKE 3 white people and like 1 straight person and you can’t change their race or sexual orientation for any reason.)

15. I’ve written millions of words of fanfiction since I started and I can name probably 4? fanfics out of that list?  Inertia (or the laws of motion), Sass-Badger Vs. The-Son-of-No-One, Immovable, unbreakable and Underbelly (an RPS fic don’t go looking for it).  

16.  so if I were to look at this objectively, I would say that it’s basically half my life that i’ve wasted writing useless trash for the internet.  i’m no closer today to getting published than I was when i was writing gay vampire novels at age 14.  

(16a. I do have a much better understanding of sex though.  So there’s a plus.)

17. but it would be unfair to the struggle of actually writing those millions of words, and of the worry that i wasn’t good enough, and of the progress I’ve made as a writer, and of the connections and moments I’ve shared with readers to call any of those millions of words a waste.  (I mean, realistically I could have not written some of them.)

18. despite all this, and despite having spent most of my fanfiction career actively vying to be popular enough to be recognized, i just want to throw it out there on the internet

19. you can write for the notes, or for the love of it, or because your girlfriend was like “hey, why not write a star trek fic set in the wild west” that one time before she was even your girlfriend and you were like “i bet I could impress her if I just wrote that wild west fic despite knowing nothing about the genre or the actual wild west”.  You can write whatever you want, however you want, whenever you want and that’s 100% fine

20. but nobody has to read it.  nobody has to like it.  nobody has to comment on it.  nobody has to leave a kudos.  your success and your well-being is not the responsibility of the reader.  

21. i’m not trying to be mean, and i’m not trying to start fights.  but even if you’re writing for the notes, and the comments, and the praise (which is 100% ok, we all want those things), you will never get enough notes, enough comments and enough praise if you walk in thinking that is owed to you.  

22. its hard to be discouraged, and its hard to work for no reward, and it’s shitty to feel underwhelmed and shitty and go on the internet and have people tell you that you’re wrong for feeling that way and you should write for the love of it and not because you want praise.

23.  i’m not saying develop sudden full enlightenment and ascend to a higher plane of existence where you require nothing and no longer have human weaknesses or needs.

24.  i’m saying, be proud of your work, be proud of your notes, and keep working.  it gets easier, it gets better, you get better as a writer.  When you’re down, reread your favorite story you’ve ever written and think of how amazing it is that this story exists because you wrote it.