#I’m lying in bed and debating if I should even get dinner bc idk if I’m gonna be able to make it to dinner and to class. I’m just. ugh.

[taketheringtolohac]

bdbfvahsgsjshbd

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

Let's say Perry is allowed to reveal his secret identity now that Doof has given up being evil. As we all know, the last time he revealed his was an agent to the boys, they were all in an insanely dangerous situation and it was too much to take in at once. How does Perry do it this time? He sets up a "scavenger hunt" for the family. One by one, he leaves clues for the kids to find and pick up on, like his human-like expressions, his har, his lair entrances, the pamphlets, the 2D slideshow, etc.

OOH NOW THAT IS AN IDEA 👀 if I wasn't already writing a fic that's on a deadline I would totally write this as an actual fic right now like I'm not even joking (but since I don't have time to write a whole new fic atm I'm gonna do that summarizing-my-ideas-in-seven-million-incoherent-paragraphs thing I do way too often and then maybe write a fic later (unless someone else wants to write it *wink wink nudge nudge*))

First of all, I think it's worth noting that the reason Perry can't reveal his identity is that it would put his family in danger and OWCA's insurance wouldn't cover it if they got hurt, so for Perry to be allowed to reveal his identity, he'd probably have to leave OWCA entirely. Given his reaction to being replaced by Peter the Panda in It's About Time, I can absolutely see him deciding that if he's not thwarting Heinz, he doesn't want to work for OWCA anymore. If he was willing to hang up his hat all the way back in season one, by the end of the summer, there's definitely been enough development in their relationship that he'd probably consider his job entirely Heinz-centric and not want it any other way (does this make sense idk what are words)

That's important for three reasons. One: it's just cute that he likes Heinz so much. Two: it means he probably won't be sneaking away as much during the day (though I'd assume he does still visit Heinz every few days). Three: it's a great opportunity to plug my fic about Perry retiring from OWCA and revealing his identity to his family (but it's via kinda a family meeting and Carl's there bc Carl's Best Boi™ which I'd thought was cute until I saw this idea and now I think this one's cuter lol)

Now, onto the show! or, you know, the long rant. same thing.

I think he'd probably start with subtle facial expressions. Maybe Ferb would give him some belly rubs and he'd smile a little, or Candace would tell at him and he'd glare at her — enough that they'd definitely notice, but not necessarily enough that they'd know they saw it. And it would be entirely situational, too — I don't think he'd acknowledge words yet; he'd acknowledge actions and tone of voice, but that's about it.

And then after a couple days, when he knew Phineas and Ferb (and maybe Candace; I'm not sure when she's pick up on it) were keeping an eye on him, he'd make it a little more obvious. He'd give slightly bigger smiles or more aggressive glares, so the kids wouldn't just think it was them picking up on more of his body language now that he's home now — they'd have to realize it's a genuine change at this point.

And maybe that's around when he starts reacting to words. Linda would ask if Perry's been fed yet, and Perry immediately runs to his food bowl (whether he's been fed or not; he would gladly accept an extra meal). Or Candace makes a sarcastic remarks, and Perry growls at her. Things that he'd obviously have to understand the words for because there's no obvious tone of voice for an ordinary pet to pick up.

And when everyone's thoroughly confused (not suspicious yet, but confused) he moves on to the hat. He'll be sitting out in the yard with the boys over the weekend while they're trying to think of an invention for the day, and when they both look away for a split second, he slips his fedora on and pretends nothing happened. The boys definitely wouldn't take it from him — they saw him on the chimney with a pair of binoculars once and shrugged it off — but they'd get a good laugh out of it.

And then they're hanging out in the bedroom and the boys look away and Perry puts his hat on again, and this time it's still funny, but it's weird. Where does this fedora keep coming from? He didn't have it a second ago. It definitely wasn't lying around the room. It just appeared on his head. And then the next evening during dinner, it happens again. Perry has no hat, he walks under the table, and walks out the other side with a fedora on. Ferb points it out, and Perry just smiles.

I feel like he'd have to go a little further before showing them the lair. Maybe he starts "standing on his hind legs," but with his butt on the ground so he's still technically sitting but more upright than usual. Maybe he uses his hands more, picking things up or hitting things around. Maybe Phineas is about to do his homework and realizes he doesn't have a pencil, and Perry throws one at him and then immediately drops to all fours, but purposely does it slow enough that Phineas and Ferb notice that he did it. 

I'm gonna kinda switch the order up on you here. A week or so into this, Perry starts walking away. Perry never walks away. He's always either there or he's not; they never see where he's going. So Phineas and Ferb follow him, and they see him take the tunnel in the side of the house down to his lair. Now, Perry has absolutely no idea whether he should expect them to follow him, but he's hopeful. And, sure enough, they do, only to realize it's yet another entrance to the spy lair that Ferb built over the summer — except this time, Ferb finally gets to say that he didn't build it. They both look at Perry like they're expecting him to come out and say something, but he just starts walking up the stairs to leave (which admittedly is a pain in the ass but it's not like he can take the hovercar)

And maybe that night, Perry decides to take it a little further. He waits until the kids are asleep and then hops off the bed and just stands there, waiting for someone to wake up. And it takes a while -- long enough that Perry’s starting to debate just giving up and going back to sleep -- but then Ferb opens his eyes just a little... and then sits up and rubs his eyes because there is no way he’s seeing that. And this time, because it’s dark and it’s late and Ferb’s tired, Perry just stays standing there and looking at him, and, because he’s feeling particularly daring, he waves. Ferb just stares at him for a solid 30 more seconds, so Perry gives him an awkward smile. Without taking his eyes off the platypus, Ferb stands up, walks over to Phineas’s bed, and wakes him up. Phineas is just like ??? and Ferb’s like, “Do you see this, too?” and Phineas looks over and Perry just walks over to the bed (on his hind legs), hops up, and curls up next to him like nothing happened. And, like, what do you do in that situation, right? So Ferb just goes back to bed, and Phineas closes his eyes again, and they both go back to sleep.

And in the morning, the first thing Phineas and Ferb do when they wake up is look at Perry, who’s now snuggled up on Ferb’s bed (because his bed-switching isn’t going to change just because he’s slowly giving up his cover). Perry doesn’t do anything at first, so the boys look at each other and Phineas is like, “Last night, did he...?” and Ferb just nods and they both look back at Perry who just gives them that small smile that you’re never really sure if you see.

And I wanna get Candace in on the action so let’s say this time when Perry walks away, it’s right after the boys’ Sunday invention, and Candace is all annoyed that she couldn’t bust them and Perry looks up at her and then walks away, and usually she wouldn’t care but she’s bored and annoyed and what can it hurt, you know? And Perry leads her to the staircase and picks up the handle to open it in his mouth and then drops it to let Candace get at it, so she opens it and sees the staircase and immediately runs back to the house like “MOM THE BOYS BUILT AN UNDERGROUND STAIRCASE IN THE BACKYARD” and Phineas and Ferb are like “No we didn’t?” so they follow her out there and Perry’s still standing there and Phineas wonder aloud if it leads to the same spy base as the tree and the house and Candace is like ?!?!?! 

And Perry hops on the railing and slide down the stairs (because he is not climbing down all of them) and the kids have to follow on foot because they would absolutely not fit on the platysized railing. That gives Perry extra time to get set up, so when they get to the lair (again), Perry’s standing on his hind legs, wearing his fedora, and using his computer. 

I feel like Candace would be the one to ask what’s going on because a) she hadn’t been paying as much attention as the boys, b) she didn’t see Perry standing the night before, and c) she hadn’t seen the lair before. And Perry just walks over and hands them each the “So You’ve Discovered Your Pet Is A Secret Agent” pamphlet and they’re just like 0_0 and as they’re flipping through it Perry goes back to working on his computer.

There has to be some sort of conversation here, but at this point, they’ve been seeing so many clues that I don’t think they’re too surprised, which was the whole goal -- they were never supposed to figure it out, but they were supposed to have some idea that he was more than what meets the eye. So let’s say the first question is from Phineas, who asks if Perry can talk, and Perry shakes his head. So Candace asks, just to double check, that he can understand them, and Perry nods. So then she asks if he’s always been able to, and he nods again. And Phineas asks why he’s never told them, and that’s when the computer comes in.

Perry opens the folder full of second dimension pics and he flips through them slowly so the kids can see them, and at that point there are way too many questions for him to keep up with so he doesn’t bother. And eventually they’re done looking at pictures, and Phineas asks when that was and why they don’t remember it, so Perry takes his pamphlet and circles the line about host families and memory erasing and relocating and then he hands it back, and Phineas reads the line out loud so Ferb and Candace can hear, too. Ferb’s the one to connect the dots and realize that the reason they don’t remember those pictures is that they had their memories erased, which Perry confirms, and Phineas asks why he’s telling them now if they’re either going to have their memories erased or lose him (and then proceeds to get very nervous about losing him) and Perry takes the pamphlet back again and adds a little carrot in the title between “your pet” and “a secret agent” and writes “used to be” and they realize that means they get to keep him as a pet and know everything and it’s a happy reunion and nothing like the second dimension and everyone lives happily ever after! 

... that was the least coherent thing i’ve ever written in my life

[livingthroughchoices-blog]

The Marshmallow Chronicles (Ch. 17: Lady in Waiting)

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Author’s notes: Hi! Sorry this took FOREVER but, since it’s so short bc the Coronation is split into 3 chapters, I decided to do a double post! Yay! I hope the wait was worth it.

Thank you as always to all who like, reblog and/or comment, idk if I’d still be going without you! Huuuuge thanks to @starstruckzonkoperatorbat, @notoriouscs, @simplyaiden-blog, @snyggflicka, @asprankle, @speedyoperarascalparty, @mirivalencia, @mymandrake, @asobigokoro2018, @krisnicjack and @fabi-en-ciel for asking me to tag them! Please let me know if you want to be tagged or untagged (:

I love y'all!

Rating: T

Pairing: Drake x MC

Words: 1,259

Drake woke up with less of a headache than he deserved. His mouth, however, was so dry it felt like paper. He lumbered out of bed and got himself a glass of water, which he promptly gulped down. He went back to bed, intending only to muster enough energy to take a shower, and fell back asleep. 

He shook awake several hours later and felt around his bedside table for his phone. It was midday. With a groan he remembered he was supposed to meet Liam and Bastien at the royal hangar at 11 o’clock. Drake briefly thought about getting up and rushing there, but he figured it was much too late for that.

Thus, he allowed himself a few minutes to parse through his muddled memories of the day before. Everything was quite clear up until Truth or Dare – at least, in comparison with the rest of the night. 

Okay, so after Truth or Dare, I walked with Addams... Crap, I went to her room, right. And then she told me about... her brother. And then...

That was where it got complicated. He vaguely recalled going back downstairs and drinking himself into a stupor, but he had a nagging feeling there was something he was forgetting.

Scratching his neck, he glanced at the door to his room and noticed his pants and underwear lying there in a crumpled heap. 

Oh no.

It all came back to him in a flash; he’d tried to hook up with Kiara and had proceeded to – literally – dump her almost immediately, only to come upstairs and touch himself thinking of Riley.

Shit. I’m such an asshole. God, Kiara must hate me. And I can’t believe I did... that, thinking of Addams. That’s a line I shouldn’t have crossed.

It would be much, much harder to resist now that he’d done it once. He shook his head at that, dismissing the thought before it could reach his groin. Knowing this would lead nowhere good, he decided to focus on the practical for now. Since he’d woken up so late, he had no idea how he was getting back to the palace, which meant step one was getting ready and finding out.

He did everything on autopilot, doing his best to focus on the small ache pulsing through his head, both to distract himself and as merited punishment for the night before.

As he was gathering his things and dumping them in his bag, Bastien entered his room unannounced. 

“So, had a fun night, did we?” The question was lighthearted but there was an undercurrent of disapproval.

“I know, I overslept. I’m sorry,” muttered Drake, still busy putting everything away.

“It was certainly not ideal, but I suppose there’s no harm done. Prince Liam went on ahead; he can’t afford to be late to his own Coronation, after all. You and I will have to drive.”

“What!” His hangover was not too bad, but he knew he’d be in for an uncomfortable car ride anyway, to say the least. “Why? Why can’t we take the other plane?”

“I’m afraid the Beaumont brothers borrowed it.” After a small pause, Bastien addded, “Lady Riley must be punctual, too.”

Drake’s hands froze for a moment, holding his toothpaste over his bag. He forced himself to let go of it and recover. “Right. Can’t be late to her own engagement.”

He felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Drake. I’m... truly sorry.” 

Bastien’s hand slid off as Drake stooped down to grab his now-full bag. The older man was looking at him with disproportionate concern. He shrugged as nonchalantly as he could.

“I’m fine. Got no one to blame but myself. Let’s go.”

Once he’d loaded his luggage into the limo, he settled in for a long car ride he was bound to spend breathing deeply in order to stave off vomiting. He was desperate to avoid talking, partly because he felt even opening his mouth was risky in his state, and partly due to the event they were driving to. So he closed his eyes and, although sleep wouldn’t come – he’d slept far too much already, and the nausea wouldn’t allow it anyway – he didn’t speak a word until they’d reached the palace.

By the time they got there, the entrance was deserted; the suitors were now dining with the King and Queen and Liam must be in his room getting ready. It was too early for any other guests to have arrived.

Having dropped off his things in his room, he sat down in the main hall, unwilling to go into the ballroom and face tonight’s ceremony yet. After last night, the last thing his body wanted was alcohol, but he didn’t think he could survive this night without a drink. His hand went to his inside pocket and closed around his flask. 

You can’t start drinking your emergency whiskey now! It hasn’t even started!

Yeah and it already sucks.

He was in the middle of this internal debate, when a tearful Hana came out of the dining room where the suitors were having dinner with the King and Queen. 

“Hana?”

Hana’s wiped her tears hastily before she even turned to see who’d called her.

“Oh, Drake. It’s you.” She gave him a small smile and went to sit down next to him. “I always seem to run into you when I’m distraught.” She blushed a little.

“Maybe I’m bad luck,” said Drake, only half joking.

“Don’t say that! You’ve been so kind to me, even when we weren’t friends.”

Drake bit his tongue before he could reply with, “Who says we’re friends now?” He did actually consider her his friend, but old habits die hard. 

He asked instead, “So what’s up?”

“My parents are... disappointed with my performance in court. I am to return home as soon as the Coronation is over.”

“What the hell? I... don’t know what to say, that sucks.”

Hana sighed. “It does, doesn’t it? I’ve been so free here, and I’ve made friends... I’ll probably never see Riley again.” 

A teardrop fell on her dress, making the silver fabric appear dark grey. Drake patted her back, saying nothing.

In between quiet sobs, Hana said, “And now she’ll never know how I feel...”

Drake turned to look at her. “Why?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why wouldn’t she know how you feel about her? If you want her to know before you go, you can choose to tell her, Hana. And if you’re leaving tomorrow then you’ve got nothing to lose, right?”

She met his gaze. Her lips were trembling and she was sniffling, but she seemed calmer. She wiped her tears, being careful not to ruin her makeup.

“Is it obvious I’ve been crying?”

Surprisingly, there was only the faintest hint of pink to her nose and the red in her eyes was rapidly fading. Leave it to Hana to cry prettily. Drake smiled softly.

“Nah, you’re good. So you’re telling her?”

“I’m... not sure yet, but you’ve given me a lot to think about. Thank you... again, Drake. I said I was going to the ladies’ room so I should return to the dining room before I’m missed.” She gave him a quick, grateful peck on the cheek before going back through the door she came from.

Drake was left to ponder the fact that he’d just encouraged someone to confess their feelings for the same girl for whom he himself was head over heels. 

Off to a good start. 

He took a swig of his flask.

[whoisonlinedatingfor]

So... I got tinder again, and I matched with this guy who seemed to have a pretty long profile, a decent assortment of pictures, and we had some decent back and forth conversation. He works in finance, as a trading analyst. I thought he looked pretty cute from his photos, and he suggested we meet up for drinks. It didn’t work out until after christmas, but he eventually texted me and we set up a date for before new years. He insisted on coming all the way up to where I lived, because he “always wanted to check out” my neighborhood. I was like lol ok... it’s far though. But he said he wanted to, but he had to see whether he was gonna have a long night at work. He would let me know by 4 pm.

By 3 pm he texted me saying he was sorry, it looked like it was gonna be a long night. i was like ah ok. That’s unfortunate... i was kinda bummed. First date in a while, I was ready to go out, meet someone new. He was sorry, he said, he asked if we could postpone it to next week.

Blah. School was starting. I didn’t even want to think about trying to travel around when school was in session, when I had to be in lab at 10AM every day. I guess that doesn’t really sound early but I usually wake up around 8AM during school days. So I said, “ah sorry, I don’t think so, school is starting and i won’t know my schedule and I’m really busy.” Fully intending to just let this one go. I even started making plans with this other guy (who was a self proclaimed “sapiosexual”) bc at that point I just wanted to fuck someone who found me attractive. But I feel like I knew he was gonna be just like that other consultant dude I tried seeing in Chicago. He would probably be a no go. But it was just drinks, hey? and maybe a few cuddles??

First dude, let’s just call him Sunshine, to his credit, actually texted back apologizing about his work schedule and said it wasn’t my fault, but maybe I would be down to get brunch next weekend? And I said, well, I have to do some volunteering at this clinic... but maybe sunday? He said that worked for him. At this point, it was still iffy for me because I knew I probably would be too tired to think about going out next weekend, to meet someone who probably was mediocre, and plus, meeting someone when you’re not up to meeting anyone is just the biggest waste of everyone’s time. So I decide I’m gonna go to my parents’ house and make them happy for once. I spend a few hours baking cheesecake and banana bread with my mom. Anywho, to my surprise, he texts me at 7:50pm saying that he got out early! Was I still free to meet up?

The jolt to my system was unmistakable. My palms started sweating. I casually started hyperventilating. I looked at my mom and I was like, I need to go. She asked me if I was meeting up with a friend. I didn’t even answer. I wolfed down dinner, sunshine and I made plans for him to come up here (he insisted, which I thought was hilarious. I was like, where’s the catch?) and we picked a bar and everything. And then he looked it up and realized travel time was >1h. And he was like ah... you’re a superhero for living there, you know? (just because he lives downtown in the middle of all the action; probably this was the furthest he’d ever traveled for an -uncertain- lay) I thought it was all kind of surreal and hilarious.. I wondered who was actually coming to meet me. I run all the way to my apartment, and I quickly shower and get ready, and there’s no time for makeup, for anything. Just me, my chapstick, and lotion on my showered skin. K. Cool. I didn’t even wash my hair, it just smelled like stir fry... hopefully he wouldn’t care?

He calls me, and I’m relieved to hear that he has a normal (bordering on deep!!!) voice, and he sounds like a normal person and he’s actually almost here, his phone is just dying. i told him to meet me near my apartment so that we could walk there, since I wasn’t sure what ridiculous bar this was that he had picked from the two options we had, and where exactly it was. I had to ask the roommate/friend of the guy I had a crush on at school for bar recommendations in the area because I literally was so clueless. Sure, I’ve lived here forever, but I don’t exactly go out drinking here. I go downtown. 

I realize I’m probably late. I run down to the bus stop, and he’s already there, looking at his phone. I jaywalk the hell out of this terrible street with terrible construction blocking my view, and I’m like heyyyyy sorry I’m late, have you been waiting long? I brought you a power cord and a power bank, so that if nothing else goes right, at least you can get home. He laughed and was really appreciative, except then I walked apparently on the “wrong side” of the street at some point, and it made him uncomfortable and he said the guy always needs to walk street side to protect from splashes and stuff. And I was like ah... well what if someone in the alleyway tries to mug me? He was like well, I got fat so maybe I’ll just surround you with my girth and protect you. Or actually you have a black belt, you could just protect us both. 

The bar was hilariously terrible. Middle aged, heavily made up women. It was ladies night, I found out after. The drinks were terrible. The lighting was terrible. It was loud, and it was quiet. We had to shout to hear over the music, and then adjust volume as the song petered out. It was truly an experience. I thought I was gonna die from awkwardness, but he persevered, bless his soul. We got 3 drinks each, and then I said I was gonna be done after that cuz it was just a waste of drinking capacity. He was debating whether he should uber home or take transit, cuz he was “poor” because he spends 200$ every time he goes out drinking. I thought about it, and finally I was like, well, you can stay over if you want. And he’s hemming and hawing about my roommates, wouldn’t they mind, yadda yadda. i was like lol... theyre not home... 

After that, his tone completely changed LMAO. He was like, sure! If you don’t mind. And I said nah it’s ok, can’t have you dying on your first foray here. Wouldn’t be good press for the neighborhood. And we started walking to get food and he was like oh nevermind, let’s just go back to your place. And I was like ok... so we started heading back in the opposite direction. And he’s kind of half wrapping his arm around me, and I lead him upstairs, and I’d left the lights on and it was all nice and beautifully moody, and we hang up our jackets like civilized people, and he asked for the tour but I was already heading to my room, and he follows me, and kisses me, and it was decent, and I was like ok this is ok.

And then things just start happening, and I had to pee but it wasn’t awkward like that first time, I was still turned on, thank you alcohol for lubricating everything, and then we had sex and it was good, great, actually, and then he showered, and asked if he could play music, and I heard him singing, and his voice is pretty good. And then we settle in to cuddle, and he gets hard again, we have sex again. And then he dozes off and snores for a bit, and I try to settle into sleep because the cuddles feel so good but I can’t sleep cuz I’m too excited, and then he wakes up with a boner and we go again, and then we just both can’t sleep cuz we’re both giggling and joking around because its 5 in the morning now so everything is hilarious even if it’s not, and we’re both so comfortable and happy (or maybe just me who knows) and then we wake up, its light out, its 7 am, he asks if I wanna go for round 4, but I’m legit in half dream state so I’m like no. And then he gets out, and the bed is cold now :( and he cuddles me for a bit and kisses me and then he leaves, and then I go back to bed.

We’ve been texting since then but I met up with him the day after and I feel like I was really awkward, or he was awkward, or we were both awkward, but he’s good at not letting it get to him, and he walked me to the train station after so I could go meet up with a different friend. It was a crazy day of seeing a lot of friends. Our texting is really good though, lots of chemistry there I feel. And we have a ton of inside jokes... Idk. 

I felt really sad when he didn’t text me back for most of the day, even though he said he was out with his cousin, doing touristy things. I feel like I’m falling into the same trap again. He “drunk texted” me, very coherently, that relationships scared him, because I told him my friend also broke up with his gf, and I said yeah, me too, kinda. But Idk if that’s a sign that he’s not gonna be into the idea of being in one? I’m overthinking this as usual, it’s too early. I might not even like him that much. And I might be trying to fit him into a mold of perfect bf when that’s not fair to either of us. Just because we had one good night of incredible chemistry. I guess that’s pretty rare in and of itself, and probably made possible by the fact that my roommates were not there, so we could be as loud as we liked. 

Idk. I keep telling myself to take this slow, but I literaly do not know how. One day at a time, I said, with false hope. I always rush things along. I want things to happen. I need things to happen. He said I seemed chill, which was hilarious. We all know how that goes. Me, chill. Maybe this time, it will be different? Maybe this time, I can just take it one day at a time. Maybe I don’t have to think about the future. And there are no worries, really, because I have an IUD, and I pray that I am lucky and that he is not lying when he says he is clean. Everything is TBD and I guess that scares me, but isn’t that all of life?