#I’m just reliving the good parts so that I can calm myself down after ep 13

[northlondonboy]

HappyBirthTay

After a difficult couple of day, I was inspired reading the birthday tributes to @taylorswift and decided to mark it by doing a piece mentioning every album track she's ever done. I can only apologise for the result. @taylornation

Ears pricked when I listened to Tim McGraw

Man when I first heard that my face was a Picture, had

To Burn your CD, cos that was we did then

It Used to take me so long I had Teardrops on My Guitar

Now your songs made me feel like I had A Place in This World

When all too often it just seemed Cold 

As You helped escape from The Outside, it was grey and vile

I was a bag of mess Tied Together with a Smile

It's hard for your dreams to Stay Beautiful

They told me to stop bothering and I Should've Said No

But at least we had Mary's Song

It felt like every song you wrote became Our Song, you know?

You helped me feel Fearless at Fifteen

Now that time weren't exactly my Love Story but Hey 

Stephen A says the haters inspire me

I had a lot weighing me down like a White Horse

But when I heard You Belong with Me I felt free- of course 

Because that album helped me Breathe when I felt ungloved

You ask Tell Me Why, and I say

I showed me you could be you, and say You're Not Sorry

And that meant I could just be The Way I Loved 

You made tunes that will stay with me Forever & Always

And whenever I hear a new one, well that's The Best Day

Those tracks helped me stand up strong when I felt spineless

And though times Change true quality is timeless

Then I felt like it was my time, I found something that was Mine

Had those Sparks Fly for me 

Like when you go Back to December and listen to the Christmas EP

I feel like I can Speak Now

Dear John from school, he weren't a bad lad 

I know that kids can be Mean I just hope I helped him fight back   

You see the The Story of Us had a funny end,

In some ways I guess we Never Grow Up

I knew I still felt Enchanted by that album   

And I found out finding peace was Better than Revenge

From innocent to Haunted, wasn't easy to face it   

I guess some things just can't Last 

Kiss goodbye to an era but Long Live the tunes that made it

2012 I was back to my old self like Sean in State of Grace

But I'd seen too many heroes in Red turn 

Treacherous, oh what a disgrace 

I Knew You Were Trouble in the best way,

Helped me to find the good times come what may

As for what my future held only time would tell

But Regret was something that I knew All Too Well

I was pushing 22

Still all too often a case of  I Almost Do

All those days We Are Never Ever Getting Back 

Togetherness is only way   

Cos you the need the real ones to Stay Stay Stay

That year was The Last Time I had to go to school and found out

One day I'd end up considering it Holy Ground

And that's Sad, Beautiful, Tragic

The place I had my lowest points but also home to magic   

Despite it all maybe I'm The Lucky One 

Everything Has Changed but your music's still a ray of sun

Everyone needs a Starlight to shine through the rain   

So many false starts but I Begin Again

My 2014 now that was dazzling, like a Welcome to New York

Learning to fill Blank Space with a Style of my own, starting to talk 

Wanting to get Out of the Woods someday, 

Telling myself I'd found where I belong and All You Had to Do Was Stay 

I'd love to Shake It Off if I could  

So many times my head told me I Wish You Would

Cos memories  of Bad Blood were like a running theme

Longing to break free and live my Wildest Dreams

I guess then it's just a question of How 

You Get the Girl, Get The Job, that's the plan for you now 

But This Love for 89 kept me feeling alive

It's thanks to that I Know Places that I'm proud to have been 

And even now every time it still gets my head Clean

3 years on, I wasn't for it Ready for It?

Stressed to reach the End Game

Worried I Did Something Bad

But a new chair to sit in is a new chance to fit  

Stil, I Don't Blame Me for being Delicate Look What You Made Me Do that's what I said when I failed selling it

So It Goes, I wanna be one of these sticking out their necks 

Feeling Gorgeous one minute 

Need a Getaway Car the next 

Saw the end of the reign of the King of My Heart

I’ll never forget that night when they said goodbye

Dancing with Our Hands Tied

Dress code black suit and tie 

I guess "This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, every dream has to die. 

I know Reputation was a little different, Call It What You Want to

And reliving it on New Year's Day? 

For that I have to thank you

2 years later but it's not like I Forgot That You Existed

Through a long Cruel Summer it was Lover that meant I persisted

From the boy to The Man but never quite The Archer 

Asked my mate for the secret I Think He Knows cos he found his Miss Americana,

And the Heartbreak Prince, well I guess that's me,

Cos even trying on Paper Rings risks injury 

Waiting for the bus off Cornelia Street but

The route faces Death by a Thousand Cuts

Still that city brings a little sense of joy 

Cos your song made me proud to be a London Boy

I finally reach my stop

There's a bloke with a megaphone shouting about a False God

Met police are telling him You Need to Calm Down

But he lives for infamy in this part of this part of town

Well it's times it's like you know 

I live for the Afterglow

And although I'm happy with Me! for company

It's Nice to Have a Friend and your music's there for me 

Even from the last thing at night to the following Daylight

So Happy Birthday to you, you're great like Bert and Ernie 

Enjoy the Christmas Tree Farm, here's to the next 30!

[lovewavesxx]

Love Waves – EP 8 – Cloud 9

“I once wanted to give you My Universe, but hun, I've got to let you go. Let me live on Cloud 9 alone now. xx. 2-12-17 11:32AM –E xx.”

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/user/ericajones10/playlist/3jIaMGyFfzttSg208LZtOT

Apple Music: https://itunes.apple.com/us/playlist/love-waves-ep-8-cloud-9/idpl.u-pMylyNRU085rdz

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwEZgDEorNRSSsZ6dMn6RhHBNSbLHIySc

1. Nat King Cole – L-O-V-E

2. Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong – You Won’t Be Satisfied (Until You Break My Heart)

3. Dion & The Belmonts – Tonight, Tonight

4. Frank Sinatra – That’s Life

5. Dinah Washington & Hal Mooney and His Orchestra – Let’s Go Around Together

6. Louis Armstrong – La Vie En Rose

7.  The Belmonts – P.S. I Love You

8. Ella Fitzgerald & Nelson Riddle and His Orchestra – All The Things You Are

9. Frank Sinatra – The Way You Look Tonight

10. Dean Martin – Mambo Italiano

11. Peggy Lee – Call Me

12. Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong – They Can’t Take That Away From Me

13. The Pied Pipers – I’ll Never Smile Again

14. Nat King Cole – Where or When

15. Dinah Washington & Hal Mooney and His Orchestra – That’s All I Want from You

16. George Shearing, Nat King Cole, & George Shearing Quintet – Let There Be Love

17. Peggy Lee – Big Spender

18. Dean Martin – Love Me, Love Me

19. The Nat King Cole Trio – Red Sails In The Sunset

20. Frank Sinatra – Fly Me to the Moon

Please listen to this playlist with the shuffle off.

Click here for my twitter @ericajones1010

Click here to leave a comment or say something idk :) (it’s anonymous)

cloud nine

/kloud/ /nīn/

1. a state of perfect happiness (usually in the phrase on cloud nine).

2. a state of total euphoria

I can probably guarantee no one will listen to this week’s playlist. You may be asking why I would make a playlist knowing in advance it does not appeal to most people, and you best believe I have an answer.

I started listening to jazz in February of 2017 when I needed music that was unlike anything else I was currently listening to. At that time, I really hated music. If you know me, then you know that is a monumental problem to have because music has been a very important part of my life since I was little and my Grandma Melba would let me play on her piano while she watched us during the day.

Everything I was listening to, prior to or around February, was my absolute favorite, and I knew he was listening to a lot of that same stuff as well. The thought of that was hard for me to accept. Everything reminded me of him, and I probably never crossed his mind. You see, we weren’t talking anymore at that time. He faded again, so I faded, I found an old distraction, and I quickly let that die again too. That was the last distraction I had in my life. I have no clue what the fuck he was doing during that time. I never really know what he’s doing or thinking. It doesn’t matter anymore though.

I know it sounds crazy, but bonding with someone over music is a huge deal for me. It can be a problem for me. When they decide to leave guess who’s stuck with memories and a soundtrack to relive every emotion? Me. Guess who has a history of having complications managing those occasionally overwhelming emotions? Me.

In my head, it doesn’t matter who you are, if I attach you to a song or artist, you’re most likely there for life. The only way it’s tolerable is if the thought of you when the song comes on doesn’t make me upset. Some of my favorite music accidentally gets tainted when I let other people know about it. So, if I don’t play music around you or share music with you, it’s because I can’t. I just can’t.

At that time in February I needed music with a clean history. That’s what Frank Sinatra did for me. That’s what jazz did for me. It took me mentally away from where I was when I needed a break. It took me to Cloud 9.

The description, “I once wanted to give you My Universe, but hun, I've got to let you go. Let me live on Cloud 9 alone now xx.,” stems from two playlists that have the ability to emotionally destroy me or put me in the best mood.

“My Universe” was a playlist I made as a response to the playlist he made for me titled “xx.” I came up with the name for my playlist because of a conversation he and I had. I think it was after he’d already sent me his playlist and I was telling him he needed to do one radio show because his selection and flow was ridiculously amazing. (I was the radio station manager at that time.) I think I asked what would it take for me to get him to do it and he said something like the “the universe.” In my dumb brain I decided I could never give him the universe, but I would willingly give him every ounce of My Universe. Too deep? Yuh, welcome to my life.

In all honesty, his playlist is still much better than mine haha, but mine also has a lot of complexity and meaning that has never been discussed with really anyone including him—especially the last track.

Those two playlists were created in January of 2017, and they really fucked me up. To give a brief example, the title “xx.” comes from something very personal in my life. Whether he was aware of it or not, or you’re aware of it or not, when I was seventeen years old I was suicidal for the first time. I used to write letters to get the shit in my brain out. Writing was my salvation. Writing is still very much my salvation. I used to sign each letter with an xx. That xx. was me signing my heart on that paper. It has a bunch of other meaning to me as well, but these days when I sign something xx., in short, it means this is from my heart.

So when he made me a playlist that took him four hours to make, seven hours to listen to, and I let that playlist be the soundtrack to my vacation abroad, I got even more attached to those songs, artists, and flow. More than I already was prior to the playlist’s conception. I took that effort of his as a gesture. Time has proved it was very much not a gesture. It was just something for him to do.

When I got back, things felt different, and by February things were different. By March, we actually had a couple good weeks and album releases together. April was bad. April was real bad…May had a brief beam of light. June got better. July felt like sunshine. August felt like a rainbow. September felt like a shooting star. Now, October feels like a foggy morning in The Bay. I’m okay though. I won’t let myself get April 2017 bad again.

If you’d like to listen to the full Cloud 9 playlist you can find the links below. Just listen to them on shuffle.

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/user/ericajones10/playlist/70ltGwFZ9CGXqnnXhYvTPQ

Apple Music: https://itunes.apple.com/us/playlist/cloud-9/idpl.u-yZyV9YZIWgZkbE

Wow, I did not purposefully mean to say all of that stuff. Imma end that intense lil chat now. :)

Song Explanations:

I am convinced Ella and Louis are one of the greatest duet partners to have ever existed.

Frank’s Fly Me to the Moon fills my entire body with joy. To fully get the proper experience for this song you must ride windows down, sunroof open, music loud, and the night sky has to be on full display. Also, you have to sing at the top of your lungs. Issa must bb. Haha

In general, the sounds from the piano and trumpet players during that period really calm me down. I am eternally grateful for jazz music. Also, my life feels like some type of fancy movie whenever I listen to jazz. *insert shoulder shrugging emoji*

Love,

-E xx.

p.s. If you do listen to this playlist, I hope it makes you feel out of this world, like it does for me. xx.