#I wrote a wholeass fic about childe's complicated relationship with himself

[followerofmercy]

how can you leave this in the tags. You’re right

He is kind. It’s written everywhere in him. It makes him being a functional monster so much more tragic. He outright says he takes no pleasure in tormenting people weaker than him. And I was wrong that everyone hates him: RANDOS ON THE STREET LOVE HIM! 

He makes waves wherever he goes. He plays with children and helps old people cross the street and he handles monster problems and everyone thinks “what a sweet young gentleman.” There's something along those lines at Wangshu Inn! It’s only after the fact that someone whispers “Don’t you know who that was? That was Tartaglia, the Eleventh Harbinger.” - cue the horror

And we're just gonna pull a conversation from a different post in here too @blood-orange-juice - in reference to Childe having some personal quest he doesn't talk about much and how he most likely didn't like himself as Ajax:

I don't necessarily think that he hates himself now so much that the dude is ruled by fear and he needs a purpose. He also knows what he's doing is wrong - like justherefortheride said, he's protecting his siblings from himself. He wants to get stronger so he doesn't have to fear anything ever again: not death, not his family's disappointment and not danger. It's somewhere in his story that he was a nervous little boy.

Isn't that the exact sorta thing the Abyss preys on? A promise to be stronger? So you can't get hurt anymore? So what if his coworkers hate him and his family fears him? If he can just keep his head down and achieve his nebulous goal of getting stronger, it won't matter anymore. He honestly believes that he can fix all of his problems by... idk, punching them. Like he'd ever stand a chance against Pierro or Pulcinella or even the Tsaritsa if he pissed her off.

I think this man is very stupid in an incredibly interesting way (Probably on account of being A CHILD SOLDIER GROOMED TO AVOID THINKING TOO HARD). He is clever! Sure, he's easy to manipulate, but he figured out how to summon a long-dormant sea monster! It just also happens that his goals are shortsighted and that he thinks lying to his lil siblings forever is an acceptable alternative to, ya know, not being an international terrorist.

And there's probably an element of the Tsaritsa being, like, the only entity that's remotely proud of him in him staying with the Fatui. Do all Harbingers have mommy issues? Is that a requirement?

I think my favorite thing about Childe is that he is defined by how much other people hate him.

Party rock with me for a minute

Genshin's a pretty lighthearted game. The vast majority of characters like the Traveler, and by extension you. Nobody playable has died yet. For the most part, characters get along. The biggest exceptions are Wanderer (who has his soft moments) and Yae Miko, whose torment of Gorou and Thoma is usually played off for laughs. (Should it be? I don't really think so but that's not the point I'm tryna make here. It's intended to be funny.)

And then there's Childe. The other Harbingers have obvious contempt for him at best and outright hostility at worst. While he clearly respects and idolizes the Traveler, their attitude towards him is more along the lines of "What are you doing here you motherfucker."

Yeah, Yoimiya and Xinyan like him, but they got to know him outside of work in a way. All of Liyue hates him, for good reason. Zhongli probably cares about him on some level but Childe's too pissed off to accept it. His parents are afraid of him.

The only people that have unwaveringly positive opinions of him are his subordinates, who do not know him well, and his little siblings, who he lies to. None of them know him, not really.

Can you imagine what that's like? To break and build yourself into what you thought would be a hero, into the perfect weapon, to get everything you ever thought you wanted, and everyone that matters hates you for it?